Mengong as always..
Heyy~! I'm still here.. I ask myself why, again. Pelik aaa? Things are not the way it seems, lately. Or maybe -things are not the way it feels- anymore. Huumm.. Kinda suxX when things start to change, huh? Gonna have a meeting at twelve today.. But I may be getting back a wee bit later than that.
Wondering where did this hollow feeling I have coming from. Could be from the past. though..

You've Changed by Vroom

Do you remember long ago when we had no will to know
about the evils of the world and ignorance was bliss
did we forget about those years,
have we given into fear, oh I wish I wasn't here

cause everything has changed now
Life was so simple it's insane now,
I wish I could step off the train now,
My memories begin to fade out, but I won't let them go

Take me home I never wanted to get old like this
Take me back unto my younger days of innocence.

And the war that rages on wouldn't callous us at all
we weren't frightened by the threat of nuclear attack
and we didn't have to care about government affairs
and I wish I still was there

cause everything has changed now
Life was so simple it's insane now,
I wish I could step off the train now,
My memories begin to fade out, but I won't let them go

Take me home I never wanted to get old like this,
Take me back unto my younger days of innocence.

Tonight I became what I hate
I lost my youth and I don't like things this way
On the edge everyone feels the same
things were better in our more innocent days
and I wish they'd stayed the same.

Take me home I never wanted to get old like this
Take me back unto my younger days of innocence.

"Babi betul.."
Urrgh!! What is wrong with me!! Sometimes I just get so angry at stuff!! Like right this moment! My hands are just shaking and I really don't know why!! Okay, I do know why.. but it's really not a big deal. But I'm just so furious at these small things! Urrghhh!! Shit! And guess what I keep repeating through out this week.. "Babi betul.."
Funny.. that's the one word that I didn't use when I curse usually.. but that's what I keep saying through this week. *Demm* Why does everything frustrates me these days.. PMS tak? Urrghh!!
Today.. I'm so VERY demm tired!! Been going back and forth from the FCM building to the room. Things are just a whole of crap.. and at five, I'll have to go back again for yet another meeting!! (scream~)

I refuse to say anything else now..

I Do by Better Than Ezra

I got a little bit of reason to everything I've done
I might just serenade the moonlight
And I get so lonely in this crowd
I wanna scream but make no sound
And yeah i'm lost, but maybe i'll be fine

'cause when i'm in over my head
I hear the words you said
That someone out there's listening to the same song
Feeling the same way that I do
Make me a believer, pick up the receiver
Tell me ya feel just like I do, I do

And I couldn't bear to see you walk out and leave it all behind
I couldn't bear to see the sunlight
And I love the sound of rain on tin your screen door beckoning me in
And yeah I'm mad but overcome with joy

Could it be so damn naive
To hope you could agree?
That someone out there's listening to the same song
Feeling the same way that I do
Make me a believer, pick up the receiver
Tell me ya feel just like I do, I do

In a world that's cellophane you get so lost, I know you do
In a world that's cellophane

Someone out there's listening to the same song
Feeling the same way that I do
Make me a believer, pick up the receiver
Tell me ya feel just like I do, I do
Someone out there's listening to the same song
Feeling the same way that I do
Make me a believer, pick up the receiver
Tell me ya feel just like I do, I do

Forwards - Your Life And Love By Birthdate

Is your birthday day 1 of the month?
Your Life:
You are very curious and dedicative. When you are interested in something, everything else has to wait. This is your quality. But if you learn to be more patient and complete what you have started, you will be successful in life.
Your Love:
You believe in love at first sight. You won't wait to learn more about the person. Vise versa, people who fail to impress you will hardly get a chance to be your friend. Your emotion is on the extreme. You can only love or hate, nothing in between and this often shows in your statement. Try not to end a relationship in a quarrel.

Is your birthday day 2 of the month?
Your Life:
You have great common sense but usually fail to follow through. This might happens because you are too busy with your mission and shut yourself from the outside world. You are clever and profound so there's a slight chance for self-control problem.
Your Love:
Your love progress slowly, and quietly. You seem to be contented with your unrequited love. You are a romantic and loyal lover.

Is your birthday day 3 of the month?
Your Life:
Although you are innocent and romantic but your statement often mislead others that you are an active, fun loving kid. Because of your double personality, it's hard for others to really know the real you. You are careful and patient.
Your Love:
Your love is the greatest which often surprises others. No one can bring you to light when you are in love. Your confidence might lead you to the track your parents disagree.

Is your birthday day 4 of the month?
Your Life:
You usually think before acting which makes your life quite easy. But you often are the one who give yourself a hard time by being paranoid. People might not truly understand you but you are really nice to be around. You are cheerful and friendly.
Your Love:
Still water runs deep, that's what you are. You always surprise others with your new character when you are in love. Your love trap often comes unexpectedly and your love life is full of surprises.

Is your birthday day 5 of the month?
Your Life:
Although you are on the quiet side, but you enjoy excitement and changes. Routine is something you cannot stand. Because of your extreme confidence, you hardly ask others for opinion. You believe in leading your own life, and you have got the gift in doing so.
Your Love:
Nothing can stop you from making progress in your love life. Once you are in love, you feel the ownership of your lover. A third party can only makes your jealousy becomes worse.

Is your birthday day 6 of the month?
Your Life:
You are generous with people in need, sometimes to an extreme that people find you nosey. Your hidden courage and dedication often surprise others. Your imagination is extremely unique.
Your Love:
Your love life is on the smooth track because it grows from friendship. Although you may not make a sweet lover but your sincerity bring happiness to your couple.

Is your birthday day 7 of the month?
Your Life:
You are sensitive to changes around you but your feeling is hardly expressed. You hate exaggerations. Under your quiet personality, you are rather stubborn and self-centered. These qualities are the force behind your extreme persistence.
Your Love:
You have enormous courage to please your lover. Your relationship often progress quickly.

Is your birthday day 8 of the month?
Your Life:
You have pleasant and friendly personality. People look u to your wit and imagination. You are unpredictable and hardly complete what you started, which sometimes create negative impact to people around you.
Your Love:
Falling in love becomes your routine. Most of the time you are lucky. You fascinate people with good taste but you never have enough with one. Although your love progresses very fast, it never lasts.

Is your birthday day 9 of the month?
Your Life:
You often have problem in promoting yourself, just because you don't know how to express your true self. On the other hand, you don't really care what they think. This is why people misunderstand you until they really get a chance to learn about your pleasant personality. Opposite sex find you mysterious and worth searching. Your wit is remarkable but sometimes you are too fast to follow.
Your Love:
You won't reveal your feeling even after dreaming about the same guy over and over. Your first love lasts forever. You are responsible to the feeling of your lover. The chance to betray your lover is none. You have luck with children.

Is your birthday day 10 of the month?
Your Life:
You are very capable. If you are a woman, you have high chance to be a renowned workingwoman. If you are a man, your path to fame and honor is near. As an innovator, you are not a good follower. You are good in implementing your imagination and share it with others. You are always well dressed.
Your Love:
You often lose your love ones from being too jealous. You always feel like you own the person you fall in love with and that often blows your relationship.

Is your birthday day 11 of the month?
Your Life:
You are gracious, elegant and prudent. People admire your qualities and some even become jealous of you. You are realistic, flexible and adaptable. You are remarkably kind and moral person.
Your Love:
You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love. Your lover will always have your gentleness, care and loyalty. You will always be happy to hand around the one you love.


Is your birthday day 12 of the month?
Your Life:
You are friendly, humorous and full of energy. You are open-minded and do not care for minor details. Your weak point is your hot temper.
Your Love:
You are willing to start off in one-sided love affairs because you strongly believe that you will eventually win his/her heart. On the other hand, once you are together, you always want to do things your way, which is often the fire starter. You usually run in and out of love quickly.

Is your birthday day 13 of the month?
Your Life:
You are sincere and easy going. Flattering and charming around are not your style. You care so much for freedom that often leads you to the difficult path. Because of your sincerity, most people find you easy to be around although you are sometimes too straightforward.
Your Love:
Your gentleness, care and sincerity make you an attractive person. Even though you don't intend to be charming, but you naturally are, especially in the eyes of opposite sex.

Is your birthday day 14 of the month?
Your Life:
You are so confident that sometimes you forget about the people around you. If you have to be in one of the two teams, you will choose to be in the winning team. On the other hand, you are kind and caring but above all, you care for your own benefits. Your imagination is unique and often gets implemented shortly after it comes across.
Your Love:
You will not get soft with the one you don't really like, no matter how hard he/she tries. But once you feel for someone you have chosen, there's no getting back.

Is your birthday day 15 of the month?
Your Life:
You are outgoing and love to be at the center of attention. From the outside, you may seem flashy, flirty, and tricky but your true self is strong, full of hope to be the leader. When you fail to convince someone, you will get frustrated, and perhaps let your temper shows.
Your Love:
You are emotional. Many can win your heart at once, but not for long. This is why you hardly win a decent relationship.

Is your birthday day 16 of the month?
Your Life:
You always follow the good and the right instead of listening to your heart. Another word, you are a perfectionist. You care for every word people say about you. You often seen isolated while you are, by nature, curious and a dreamer who is ready to get over the edge to make your dream comes true.
Your Love:
You often fall in love with a person who is much different from you, in age and other aspects. Your relationship grows on friendship. Love at fist sight is not your style.

Is your birthday day 17 of the month?
Your Life:
You neither want to be interfered nor have the desire to mess with others' life. But you are friendly and occasionally a party animal. You are always in a circle of friends. You often do things in your own way that occasionally go beyond the acceptable limit. People may find you childish and not very attractive in that sense.
Your Love:
Your fun-loving character attracts opposite sex. Many of those are great. You often find yourself trapped among a few great guys while you have to choose only one.

Is your birthday day 18 of the month?
Your Life:
At first glance, people think you are quiet type of person. Actually you are cheerful, but conditionally. You will show your joyful character only in good mood. One the other hand, when you are moody, no one would dare to be around. Because of your emotion fluctuation and frank character, some find you hard to be around.
Your Love:
You hardly show your feeling towards opposite sex no matter how much you like him/her. Your partner also has similar character so your love affairs often take quite a while to flourish. Time tells it all. Your sincerity makes you very attractive.

Is your birthday day 19 of the month?
Your Life:
You are great in managing everything in your life and this is how you gain respect from others. Because of this quality, you sometimes feel that you are better than the rest. Extreme confidence might lead you to the wrong path. You are a free bird and want to lead your own life.
Your Love:
You love life is rather different from others'. When you are in love, nothing can stop you. You may often fight with your partner but, soon after that, you will make up in ways that surprise others.

Is your birthday day 20 of the month?
Your Life:
You are prudent, circumspect and take things seriously. Before you make any move, you will think of a few alternatives that might take a while. You are patient, imaginative and target oriented. You value friendship more than anything else.
Your Love:
You usually study your partner carefully before making any move. You never demand anything beyond the natural quality of that person. Your sincerity doesn’t bring excitement in your love life but it brings deeply grown relationship.

Is your birthday day 21 of the month?
Your Life:
You are curious and a true follower. You can please someone so much that it seem like you are trying to charm that person. You hide your disagreement under your smiling face. This is a charming quality of yours.
Your Love:
You are quite unlucky in love. You are loved by someone you don't like while your dream man is so far away. Your love life is occasionally under turbulence. Sometimes you don't have the clear view of the guy in your heart.

Is your birthday day 22 of the month?
Your Life:
You have the boss character, but not a leader. Most people look up to you for your capability and confidence although they find you quite stubborn. You should listen more to others. You are a unique and charming individual.
Your Love:
You hardly take the moderate track. You either love or hate someone. Whom you call friends are the chosen ones. If any of them betray you, you won’t let them get away without having hard time.

Is your birthday day 23 of the month?
Your Life:
You never live your life in the way others want you to. You are an independent individual who loves challenges and excitement. You are ready to face with the result of your decision. You are usually the one your friends count on.
Your Love:
Because you love excitements, you occasionally get involved in forbidden love affairs. You may fall in love with a married person and no one can stop you from making progress. You are very charming, although you might not realize it.

Is your birthday day 24 of the month?
Your Life:
You are very optimistic and that's why you always enjoy life. You are gifted in entertaining others. Your friends love and trust you. You'll be the first they come to when they are in need of someone to speak their heart out.
Your Love:
Sometimes you fall in love just because you want to be in love, not that you really like that person. You always be seen as a sweet couple but you can't really get over your love ones from past. Your partner is usually crazy about you because you are remarkably charming and romantic.

Is your birthday day 25 of the month?
Your Life:
You are a warrior. No obstacle can stop you from reaching your goal. You always keep yourself busy. This quality plus your responsibility will eventually bring you success.
Your Love:
You adore your partner as the number one priority. You value your love one more than yourself. Your love is the greatest of all and your have potential to get married young.

Is your birthday day 26 of the month?
Your Life:
You are always curious and responsive to changes. Routine life is not the way you choose to live. Traveling is your favorite hobby because excitement is what you are after.
Your Love:
You will not stand being around the one you dislike. Your love comes and goes quickly. You can be deeply in love but soon after you will be looking around for the next one.

Is your birthday day 27 of the month?
Your Life:
You are sensitive and vulnerable. Tears often run down your cheeks even when the matter is not that bad. This might be the result from being to pessimistic. You might seem cold on the shell, but your inner self is a kind loving person.
Your Love:
You will be elegantly dressed, no matter how casually dressed your date may be. You are demanding in love and sometimes to an unacceptable extend.

Is your birthday day 28 of the month?
Your Life:
You are a capable person but you usually underestimate your own ability. This is the cause of missing numbers of opportunity to step forward. If you try to give yourself a chance, you can be successful in life. Try to see things on the bright side and you will be happier than ever.
Your Love:
You are quite unlucky in love. The one in your arm is not the one in your heart. Your love has so many ups and downs. You often chicken out before seeing any progress in love.

Is your birthday day 29 of the month?
Your Life:
You can trust your sixth sense. Life is exciting so routine job is not your interest. You have great ideas and fantastic imagination. You often feel tired of things and people around you.
Your Love:
You can tell what's in the mind of another person just from looking into his/her eyes. You are paranoid and jealous and these are the cause of fights between you and your lover. Sometimes the thing you believe in is just your imagination.

Is your birthday day 30 of the month?
Your Life:
You are always surrounded by a circle of friends. You are friendly and fun to be with. Though you occasionally disappoint them by being stubborn, but over all, they love your qualities.
Your Love:
You want to have full control of your love and that's not a nice way to treat your partner. You take your time in saying yes to his wedding proposal or if you are a man, you will not propose anyone until you are certainly confident which might take ages.

Is your birthday day 31 of the month?
Your Life:
Your emotion is hard to predict. You can be sad this minute and happy in the next. People might find it difficult to follow your emotion and understand you. You tend to take things seriously.
Your Love:
You take your time to study a person before falling in love. Once you decide that he or she is the one, no one can stop you from making progress, even your partner.

Not a very good day..
Kinda just got back from seeing Aishah and Nana jammin' in their friend's house in Cyberia. Pretty neat, really! They're gonna be in the Battle Of The Band (so they can't come along to Pangkor.. +_+)
Got some supposedly-neat addition to our Expression presentation! Might be having two guitars and a tamborine!! Ekkekke!! Macam band kat pasar.. Ekkeke!!
So, what actually made this day quite horrible? Humm.. start off, with my lack of sleep (as always!) which I can't understand why.. I just can't get myself to sleep at the right time.. Actually woke up with a surprise.. I found something on the floor and made my heart skipped a bit. Could I be seeing bad omens? Urrghhh!! Mengarut lah Wanie!! Karut karut belaka.. Just, something that never happened before, happened this morning, and kinda shocked me. Anyways, Fundamental.. well.. I had a pretty okay time, but I wished that the music wasn't so slooooooooooww! But yeah, I did some silly ballet movements during that hour.. Ekkeke! And then, had that committee meeting again.. Going to have that everyday from now.. Huuu.. And someone said something 'disturbing' repeatedly during that hour.. Kinda pissed me off, but not so bad-lah! Just, it kept me wondering why would anyone want to say it so many times.. Probably to see how I'd react.. but that suxX!! O yeah, should I mention 'bout how much food I consume these days?? VERRRRY small portion.. I didn't ate anything this whole day except for an early dinner around six.. and I can't even finish it, myself!! Something is very wrong.. but I can't pin point what it actually is..
A pretty bad day for me, mentally.. Guess the only real good news today is that me and Ana are going to work together in Pangkor later.. and that this is Thursday morning.. Really need to get away from here..
Tak tahan.. Feels like breaking down..

"What if my love for you is just one-tenth of your love for me?"

Oww.. owww..
Pain in my tummy.. this is what I usually get if I stayed up too long.. Urrghhh! I don't know what I was doing.. been surfing around.. checking out the sites made by my group members.. while chatted, yeah.. Hehheh! Thanks Dar!! Lagu besh~!! ^_^ Main kat gitar musti besh ekk~
Oww oww.. maybe I've been up too much long.. I think better if I get some shut eye.. Got some 'project' thingy that I wanna do tomorrow.. Ekkekke~!!

I got a crush on you~ Ekkekke!

It kills me that I believe in what I believe in..
Ada Apa Dengan Cinta.. yeahh.. what is it with love, actually huh?? Heard some bits of that forum just now.. Ekkekke! Heard some funny bits of it.. but I have to say.. some parts of it made me feel a wee bit uncomfortable.. Ehhehh.. So I didn't stay 'til the end of the forum.. ^_^
Honestly.. I really feel like typing out something, but I don't know of what!! Urrghh.. I guess this is my mind's way of telling me that I should do something else constructive..
Later~

It kills me that I'm forcing myself......

We got older but we're still young
Ekkekke!! Very funnily yucky video clip by The Starting Line - Best Of Me.. Thanks Shahnon!! Heehee~ Can't believe that they looked absolutely.. CLEAN! Ekkekke!! And that part when that guitarist did that thing he did with his guitar.. ekkeke!! -MENAKJUBKAN!- Ekkekke!!
Quite a long day.. but quite neat!! Bought some stuff along with Ana.. and discussed the whole Expression thing with the fellas. Ikkikiki!! Quite an interesting thing that we came up with! ^_^
Well.. still tired, I think! I'll be off, now..

Imagine sunrise being burried in my stomach
That's how down I feel when I think of war..

Dizzy~
Hahhaha!! Made my own self-record again.. I was awake for 31 hours straight.. Nak mamposs!! I don't know what the h*ll I was thinking.. but I guess I wasn't thinking at all! I was about to go to sleep.. when the gurls - Fina, Sheeya and Aisha started playing neat songs which made me come down from my bed and choreographed some stuff.. Ekkekke!! Humm.. 9 hours of sleep to make up that 31 hours.. Ok lah kan?
Pardon me if I'd be talking crap today, though.. I think my brain is going a bit slooooow.. +_+

Current song : Big Machine by Goo Goo Dolls
~ I'm blind and waiting for you ~

Horribly dying..
Don't talk to me, don't make jokes with me.. I don't have the time!! My head is going to explode!! Didn't sleep for the rest of 24 hours, and I'm really crying for help here.. Really can't take this amount of pain.. And my friends kept telling me how miserable I look..
After English, I got back to my room and did my bit of Fundamental to show to En. Najib later in the evening.. So I did.. around 4, Aisyah and Nana came to our room and we went to see Lydia's list of names outside her room.. (we're in Group 15, by the way.. but with a bit of misunderstanding.. gotta straighten it out as soon as possible~!) So then, about 5 we went to the studio for the Pangkor meeting.. and it lasted for 2 long hours!!!! My eyes are threatening to pop out anytime soon..
Really.. I have to sleep!! Maybe if I feel like up for it, I'll wake up later in the night and get some more works I should be doing...

Once you've crossed that line, there'll be no turning back~!

Where the h*ll did my morning go??
Didn't get any sleep the whole last night.. Must be losing my head. Ever felt so full of emotion, but you don't know what?? Or a strong feeling that builds up within you, but you don't know for whom? Oh well, lots of stuff to think about this day. Just realised that I have plenty plenty PLENTY of things to do if I want to get through this Alpha year (which happen to suck, really!) So now, when I thought I've done my Graphics thing.. and earned myself a weekful of resting, I was wrong! (as always..) Now, I gotta think of stupid Creative Expression which took war as a theme!! How stupid can that be?? That is like the most over-talked topic these days and I'm so bored of it! Y'know.. if U.S really wants war on Iraq.. come on, get it over with!! This all-talk really bores me out! Of course I'd say no to war.. but this stuff is waaaaaaay too much talked about.. Bluerrghhh!!
Okay.. I really should get my sleep in this couple of hours, before the Alpha commitee meeting at 5. (believe it or not, I kinda volunteered for it, along with my friends) Still hungry.. but not hungry enough to make me move and get something to eat.. Urrghh! I am so sick!!!
Gonna at least rest now.. just bought myself March's edition of CLEO.. so I'll have this bit of light reading before I think on those Expression and English product thingy..

Pooped~ 1419

Saturday - February 21, 2003 Sick?
Shoot.. Lost of appetite again. I think it really suxX, not being able to finish your meal. Honestly, I've had that plenty of that these days, and I don't like it one bit! Makes me feel like I'm sick.. Though, I usually get sick when I don't eat.. And yeah, it's coming. My flu's over.. but Mama kept telling me how pale I was when I got home, yesterday. I hate that! I hate it when people tell me that I'm pale.. 'coz I've been hearing that for years and years.. I'm not well!! Get over it! It's not like I do it on purpose. Bluerrghh.. Though, I don't faint when I do plenty of activities. I just get really... really drowsy and pale. Huhuu.. not enough blood, equals to not enough oxigen. Actually, I don't know much about this 'sickness' I'm having. I didn't do my part of research 'coz I kept forgetting the name of this 'sickness'. If I say that I'm anemic, I think I'd be lying.. 'coz I don't feel like it's THAT serious. Hehh~ Though I do know that donating my blood can risk my own life, and the one that receives my blood.. Not really risk their life, but I don't think it helps if they use my blood.. Ekkekke! (sorry if you don't get this..) So anyways.. maybe one day I'll go a bit 'medical' when I know exactly what I'm having. ^_^ Bengong.. dah banyak kali check darah, but still tak tau blood group ape.. Ekkekke!! Kenape kan, Wanie rase.. kalau teenagers ade penyakit lah kan, usually berkenaan ngan darah? Huumm..
Drowned with boredom this whole day. Thought I was going crazy, but I didn't! Wanted so much to hang out with someone, but I can't think of anyone. I mean, I thought of calling some guy friends and ask any of them to hang.. but nanti terpikir lain laak.. tak kuase! I really hate the fact that my gurl friends are not around.. and I can't call up my guy friends 'coz I'm afraid if I'd be 'inappropriate'.. Urrghhh!! Wanted to go out alone, but who am I kidding? I even had trouble crossing a busy road all by myself. Ekkeke!! And where's the fun in going out alone?? Hihhihik~!
And now you and I are trapped
in a rather confusing box
Hehh~ well, I'm confused over something right here.. And I don't know why I think of that line. I think I've been hearing that word -confuse- too much these days. Ana like to say it to me.. "Maybe dia confuse kot.." Ekkekke!! It frustrates me, but it's getting funnier everytime me and Ana use it again.. ^_^
Okehh.. that's all for tonight. I have nothing else mind-opening (yeah, right!) to say tonight..

Current song : Tonight by Sixpence None The Richer
~ It's hard to know where I'm supposed to go ~

Friday - February 20, 2003 Meteor Garden
Honestly, I hate Dao Ming Si's mother!! What's up with her, maan? San Chai decided to leave Si 'coz his mom is messing with her friends' lives. So not fair!! Just because she's from a different background, Si's mom told them to stop seeing each other. And San Chai is really getting to like Si!! If that happens in real life, surely it'd hurt.. They were just about to get so attached.. But I think San Chai's really neat! She's brave enough to stand up to Si's mom.. and at least both of them had some moments together to stand up for their 'happiness'.. of course, that's until Si's mom made a move to San Chai's friends. So selfish of her!! And moms usually thought of their childrens' happiness!! Bluekk! Jahat.. jahaaat!
Ekkeke!! Funny.. I've read the spoilers of this series but I'm still sensitive over the episodes.. Ekkekek!
Okaay, been messing with my parents lately. Maybe you ought to try this at home. Kalau diorang gertak nak tinggalkan korang kat mane-mane, or tak nak amek korang.. (yeah, usually happen to me 'coz I made stupid stupid jokes that made them geram at me.. Ehhehe~!) cakap kat diorang "Eleeeh.. nanti korang rindu!".. Ekkekek!! Of course, I don't know your parents, and I don't know their response.. but my charm works perfectly at my parents and sisters.. 'coz they'd laugh it up and say no more. I mean, if they agree to it, it'd sound a wee yucky, and if they deny it.. who knows when I'm really really gone! ^_^ Actually this line is just some bit of a reminder to them.. Jangan slalu sangat gertak-gertak carik pasal.. kite tak tau ape jadi kat future nanti.. kan kann??
I don't know why I've been thinking so much lately about "if I'm gone.." Kinda scary thought, don't you think? And things have been a bit different, lately too.. Ekkekke!!! Okay okaay.. not going to talk about this one! ^_^

But I won't deny that I've had some good times..

Nak mamposs??!!
Pedih gile nih! Rambut masok mata.. I HATE!! Ade lak perasaan nak potong laie rambut nih.. But nanti tak jadi la plak the promise I made at the beginning of the year! Huuu~! Tapi sakiiiiiiiiiiiitt!! GrrRrrrRr! Rambut dah start panjang nihh.. but tahap yang tak besh.. takleh ke skip je part nih??!! Ekkekke!!
Oklaa.. saje je nak cakap Malay once in a while.. but still takleh cakap pure Malay.. ade aje words English.. Ekkeke!! Terok btoll..

Almost two months?
Had my Maths quiz today.. And I have to say.. I'd surely be surprised if I don't get sucky marks for it!! Ekkekke!! Well.. honestly, I think it shouldn't be that bad.. but I had my thoughts on something last night so I can't really get the things I read into my head.. Silly me.. but at least I don't feel like banging my head to the wall~! So that's a pretty good news.. ^_^ Oyy~! Thanks Ana for the Sugarcult songs~ Sugarcult.. yeahh.. I think I should start that.. a cult with peeps with problem controlling their sugar intake.. Ekkekke!! Thanks Anaaaa~!! Besh lagu nih.. Cayang Anaaa!! Menarik Sugarcult nihh.. Doesn't exactly have the kind of look I like, (ehehh~!) but I think he has a pretty neat voice! Ekkekke!! What's with gurls and guitar and guys that can sing, huhh?? Ekkekke!
O yeah.. actually feels a wee bit frustrated right here.. Tengok blogger orang manyak cantik-cantik and mine is like SO hampehh.. buat sakit ati jekk!! Tapi nak suhh buat tags, Wanie malaihh la plakk.. HTML tags usually gives me the headache.. Bodo..!

What's happening, here?
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Coz I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the stregth to stand today
'Coz I love you whether it's wrong or right,
and though I can't be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side
* If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield *

Why am I listening to this song again? Bluerrghh... Kenape ni? Kenape ni? Kenape nieeeeee???? I am feeling... I don't know!! Shit, I hate this!! Feels like my heart is somewhere else.. and I've been doing things without it's approval.. and it sucked really bad!! Life becomes so crappy.. so suddenly!! Urrghhh!! I HATE!!!!!!!! Help... feeling so helpless.. Why????
Why.. does my heart aches this day? Why.. does my hands tremble all of a sudden? Why.. can't I keep my mind straight? Why.. do I feel so lost??

My black colored nail..
Huuu.. somehow Maths seemed a wee bit interesting these days. Ekkekke!!
Sweating horribly right now.. been dancing around with the girls.. Ekkeke!! But it was loads of funnn!! ^_^ So yeah, sweating like a pig as I cough like my lungs is about to pop out anytime soon..
So many things in my head right now. And I can't seem to know why.. All of a sudden.. things.. got confusing again.

Tum chu.. ngo kwa chu lei..

Ribena
Andai cinta ada lagi
Pastinya bukan milik hatiku ini
~ Halaman Cinta - Misha Omar ~

Humm.. bored to almost-death again in Maths this morning.. Three hours of sleep is absolutely not enough for me! I really am going nuts!
Supposedly going for English at 12.. but.. I don't know yet.. since I'm going nuts.. I may be losing my senses as well.. Maybe I'll just skip class again 'coz I just can't think right anymore. Urrghhh!! Everything just frustrates me these days!!
I think I should stop right here a while.. I may start cursing like mad if I keep on continuing..

Why does my heart....?
Ekkekkeke!! Don't you think when family say something nice about what you did is just very verry cool? ^_^ I think it's usually family who won't say much about the things you do.. 'coz they'd usually expect plenty from you, and so you can't hear those puji pujian words from them often. Well, I don't know.. My family's like that! Bukan jenis puji-puji sangat orang.. Perasan tak? I did.. Ekkekke! Wanie punye puji-puji slalu bunyik cam jealousy. Ekkekke! Tak reti nak buat bunyik cam lain.. Fina tere laa~! Wanie tak biaselaa puji-puji ni. So yeah, I don't really get any 'congratulary-words' much from my dad.. but of course, I'm not really the child to be proud of~ Ekkekke! So I don't expect to get those often. Weii.. ape puji in English nihh??! Pening orang pikir.. grrRrRrR!
O yeah.. Nina puji sebab dia baru tengok webby and she thinks it's nice! Hehehihihikekekke!! Don't you think that was a stupid laugh??! Ekkekke!
Okay.. just had three hours of sleep.. can't understand why I woke up so early by my own. GrrRrrR!

And I still don't know what's puji in English!!
Ekkeke.. okay.. 8:43 = Nina said it's compliment!! Apsal la bengap sangat Wanie skarang nih?? Dahlaa MUET pon dapat Band 4 jekk!! Average.. Urrrghh!! Benci! Buat sakit ati btol..! Rase nak tendang diri sendrik!

My heart is crazy~!!
Yes, it is..
Anyways.. it's late at night.. I've been alone in my room for hours since Fina went back home since Amal took some days off 'coz his brother is getting married~! While Ana went out with Jai.. So yeah, me.. alone.. absolutely alone.. Get it?? And all f*cked up 'coz I have a demm crazy heart as a companion! Urrghh!! So, I've actually spent straight 5 hours watching a "Smallville and Gilmore Girls" marathon. Feels like I'm going off crazy in a bit..
My heart's stupid.. and I'm getting a pain in my head. Crap.. crap.. crap..!!
But anyhow.. I'd like to say big BIG BIGGG thanks to Kak Yan.. Hihhihik~! Kak Yan roxX!! Dah ade theme songs Meteor Garden!! Yippeeeee!!
Ever had a big question.. a very important question to you.. that you're dying to let out but you don't want to have the answer for it?? I think I'm having that right now. A question that is close to my heart.. that I'd love to let out.. to the big void where it just wanders around without being touched and harmed..

How can it be?

215=Bengong/ 3:20=Jealous am I?? Ekkekke!
Heehee~! Quite a nice day I'm having. O yeah.. gonna start from yesterday evening..!
Meteor Garden was neat! If you know what kind of 'girl' I am, sure you'd know why.. Things between Si and San Chai is going neat! Ekkekke!!
Anyways, then me and the girls went out to Malee at 11 something 'coz Fina, Sheeya and BJ just finished their Graphics work and all of us were pretty hungry and the food stall downstairs was closing. Somehow I fooled around a lot last night.. Ekkeke!!
Okehh! So we got back around 1.. (the electricity on our floor still suxX!!) and the other gurls but me and Ana were getting ready to go to sleep. So we spent about two hours watching Smallville, entah season brape ntah, yang pasti Whitney mati!! Poor Whitney.. what a lost of a good face on telly.. Ekkekke!! He looks real neat in uniform.. Or is it, most men in uniforms look neat? Ekkekek!! Anyways.. me and Ana weren't sleepy yet so we played T.A.T.U.'s live performance of Malchik Gei. Me and Ana memorize the intro now!! If you've seen the video before, you know which part I'm talking about.. ^_^ Ahhahha!! Kantoi lak.. tengok vid clip T.A.T.U yang agak kureng snonoh Ekkekek!!
And then me and Ana lay on the carpeted floor, and talked and talked.. Finally went to sleep at 5!! Ekkekek!! And we slept for 7 hours.. (we weren't having Graphics!!) And then went for Fundamental at 2.. ^_^ Some funny things happened in the studio.. but I won't be talking about it right here 'coz it's private! Ekkekke!!!
Afterwards me and Ana walked around MMU 'coz no one's in the room and we were bored. Hung a bit at the side of the road towards that tower.. really.. we were sitting at the side of the tarred road.. ^_^ And then came this lorry with four people.. Three of them were waving at us.. and they stopped right next to us and said, "Kenape dik, jatuh ke?" And then I said no and the driver nodded once and drove away.. (as the other three smiled) Ekkeke!! It was a pretty funny experince.. Caring nyer laa mamat tuh! Ekkekke!! And then we walked again, and got ourselves a chocolate sundae!!! Ekkeke!!
And now I'm in my room.. listening to my getting-boring playlist as I wait 'til 6 o'clock.. Meteor Garden!!!
Eyh, sape ade intro and ending theme for Meteor Garden.. tolong kasik bole taak?? Suka laa!
Eyh eyh.. don't you think it's kinda confusing when we talk about songs? Ekkekek!! I mean, every song tells a story..! It's just a case if it's telling YOUR tale.. Ehhehe! I'm talking on my behalf.. 'coz I've been posting on a lot of songs.. but do you think it means that I just like the song, or did I post it 'coz it was telling one of MY story?? Ekkekke!! Pandai pandai korang laa camner nak interpret! ^_^

Current song : How Soon Is Now by T.A.T.U.
~I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does~

Bengong
Eyh Fariz! Kan dah.. I've been listening to BBMak since last night!! Bengong..
Going out in a bit.. and then I'll be having Maths later this afternoon. I wonder if anything's good to do after that.. until 6 that is.. 'coz that's when Meteor Garden will be on!! Ekkekke!! Very silly indeed. I hated to miss any part of the drama that I restrained myself to go to the toilet around that time.. Heeheee~!!!

Morning..
Odd huh.. the night when I thought I should get a longer sleep, I woke up at the middle of the night. And I just watched my two roomies sleep, and finally decided to turn my computer on. And somehow my hands kept clicking on slow slow songs.. bluekk..! So here I am.. staring on my computer screen.. listening to slow songs.. right in the middle of the night..
AaaAah..~ can't wait for my songs to finish the download. Got excited with Fina in the afternoon 'coz we talked about Regine Velasquez' song, In Love With You.. Ekkekke~! The download is half finished! So I should have it by tomorrow..
O yeah, been clicking around for Orlando Bloom.. He's gonna be in Disney's Pirates Of The Carribean this July alongside Johnny Depp! Yeayy~! Gonna see Orly much sooner than December! Ekkekke! And supposedly, there's also another movie he's starring in.. Ned Kelly is it? He's going to be in it with.. get this, Heath Ledger!! Ekkekke!! And just this afternoon I saw that clip with him in 10 Things I Hate About You.. That part when he sang Julia Stiles Can't Take My Eyes Off You.. Heeehee~!

Miss You More
There's so many reasons that I find
To run to you
Coz there's so little lovin'
In my life now I'm awake

And thinkin' about it
I want things back
How they used to be
Coz theres no way around this
Nothing good comes easily

So much between us
And we both know that it's wrong
So I keep on waiting
'til I'm back where I belong

So here I am, all by myself
Thinkin' of you, nobody else
There's a feelin' inside, and as hard as I try
It just won't go away
Are you findin' it hard, all on your own?
Having to face each night alone
Knowing you are the one
With the love that I need
And I miss you more each day

So many feelings
emotion's running away with me
Coz its you I believe in
And our love can run so deep

So much between us
And we both know that it's wrong
Now I keep on waiting
'til I'm back where I belong
(Back where I belong)

So here I am, all by myself
Thinkin' of you, nobody else
There's a feelin' inside, and as hard as I try
It just won't go away
Are you findin' it hard, all on your own?
Having to face each night alone
Knowing you are the one
With the love that I need
And I miss you more each day

So I keep on waiting
'til I'm back where I belong
Back where I belong

BBMak

Dizzy..
Demm my cough's getting worse. Been laughing and shouting too much.. Urrghhh!! Can't even sing a phrase without coughing.. suXXX!!!!!
Anyways, went to Street Mall for dinner this evening. Saw that Korean drama on TV3. oOo yeahh~! I did managed to see Meteor Garden. Gosh! I really like the drama.. I mean, the thought of a girl, surrounded by four guys just seem appealing to me. And it's just interesting to see whether San Chai will end up to be with Si or Zhi Lei. I kinda like Zhi Lei.. but Si was pretty sweet to San Chai.. "I like you so much that I can't even understand it. And it doesn't matter if you run away, 'coz I'll be running after you.." ~AaaAAahh!! Demm.. I am so girlish!!

Hudson's, you're such a buddy! Ekkeke!

Ekkekeke..!!
Had a pretty boring afternoon, so me and Ana saw the old Final Destination. The one with Devon Sawa. Ekkekke~! Very funny.. I mean, it's super gruesome and stomach-aching, but it's funny when me and Ana kept screaming about at some of those scenes. 'Coz when it's one of those gruesome parts, I turned around, and Ana would turn as well.. and then I'd shout at her to watch it, and she said she don't want to, and we kept shouting at each other.. Ana tengok laa!! - Tak naak! - Tengoklaa!! - Tak naaak!! Ekkekek!! And now I'm coughing horribly.. Huwaaa.. +_+ Sakit.. sakit..

A change of decisions..
Honestly, when I came back last night, I said to myself.. "Heck, I don't think this week is going to be interesting to be talked about, so maybe I won't have to open up the blogger page.." Hehhe~! And then last night, I waited 'til Gilmore Girls was finished before I came back - all about the telly! And anyways, I'm not going to talk about Gilmore Girls though.. I actually have my thoughts on the ending of Smallville last night. Kinda nice y'know.. when Clark and Lana screamt right in the middle of the field.. Hey, I think I want that.. I think someday I'd want someone who would scream with me when things goes wrong.. Ekkekek!! I'm surrounded by positive positive people that keeps telling me that things will turn out okay and that stuff only work once every 20 times of sayings..! So maybe.. later.. I'm gonna find me a friend that won't put 'temporary-happiness' in my head, and just assist me in letting my heart out.. Aaaah~! That'd be nice..
Ekkekek!! I think it's been such a long long time since I let myself have a nice thought in my head. ^_^
Weekend was boring.. I was down with a fever.. slept most of the day.. but I managed to get my silly trailer done! Honestly, not so proud of it.. I think it's very.. entahlaa! Maybe I expected too much from myself.. and then again, I had that fever~! And I'm not really cured from it. Slept for just an hour last night.. how d'you expect me to get recovered! My chest hurts from coughing too much.. Stoooopid~!! But anyhow.. Just liked the way my dad said his pesanan to me last night. "Kalau tak sihat, call.." Ekkekke!! I know.. that's nothing really.. but I'm feeling more and more attached to home these days.. Why aah?? But right now I'm feeling the obligation to make my parents happy.. why aah? Never had this feeling before.. Selama ni 'lantak' aje.. nak suka.. elok, tak suka.. naseb! Ekekkek!! I've changed..

Aaaaaa~chooo!!

Me no comprende Englise
Bluekk~! The test was sucky.. My mistake, as always.. So I don't feel too bad about that.. I'm too used to making mistakes.. ^_^
Oh well.. don't know why.. not really in a mood to say anything much.. Gonna get back home today..

Goodbye~*

Can you help explain ME?
Staring right into Ana's computer screen. I have nothing at all in my head.. Just something rather different and hurtful in my heart which is unexplainable. It's one thing to keep something inside of you. It's another not to know what's burried in there. So I'm left here, asking and wondering to myself.. for I've been confused for too long. How I wish I can rip my ribs open and let out everything I have in there. These feelings I have is killing me slowly. Couldn't tell how it got this way.. things just happen, supposedly.
Reaching for something that I'm not sure of. Hoping in something I couldn't even imagine. Wishing on the unseen stars.. Can't seem to explain anything. Why does everything looks so hollow from the corner of my eye? Where have those lights gone? Why are they replaced with such dark shadows? What have happened to the happy endings? Why am I having my thoughts on this?
For my thoughts have changed.. for my feelings has changed.. For I can't tell who's mind is this anymore.. For I can't tell who's feelings I have here.. For I not know who's this person anymore.. For everything had been different..

Crap~!! I hate this f*ckin' feelings!!

Still Burning by Sixpence None The Richer

You are the burning
The flame that is turning
My smoldering ash into a bird
So stay close my brother
I couldn't stand the loss
You are the bridge of action
I need you to help me cross
I need you to help me

So when you break,
My arms I'll take hold of you
I know your heart is a hand that takes hold of me

My hand that is breaking
Is the hand that is making
All the dead things in me grow
A gift of a holy loss
This burning at the dross

So when you break
My arms I'll take hold of you
I know your heart is a hand that takes hold of me

Why do you set out to break the one thing
The one thing I have to give
It's hard to believe that I could
That I should begin again
But I know your heart is a hand

So when I break
Your arms you'll take hold of me
You know my heart is a hand that takes hold of you
So when you break
My arms I'll take hold of you
I know your heart is a hand that takes hold of me
So when you break
My arms I'll take hold of you
I know your heart is a hand that takes hold of me

Tomorrow..
My oh my.. tomorrow's gonna be Valentine's Day!! Should I feel anything? Of course I should! I am missing something this year.. I'm gonna miss those chocolates!! Huwaaaa!! I really miss Valentine's while I was with my friends.. pardon yourself, I've never celebrated Valentine's with a "certain special someone".. Just my good good friends. I remember those days.. Used to spend a whole load of money on chocs and sweets and me and my friends would give it away to our friends. Hihhihik~! It's usually fun.. Remembered that time when I bought a boxful of Fererro and printed some Valentine's note and stuck it on each of the chocolate and I pass them around.. heehee~! Remembered I once spent RM40 for some loads of chocs.. and remembered that time when Musz bought me a box of those small small chocs.. Ekkekke~! Gosh I love V-Day!! Classes on V-Day are usually more relaxing.. everyone in a pretty happy mood.. munched on chocs while the teachers teach.. And usually the teacher also asks chocolates and sweets from us! Hehhehe~!
Huwaaaaaaa!! I am missing Valentine's Day this year!!! I HATE~!! Such sad pathetic months I'm having.. Urghh!!

Being true to myself.. hope you're doing the same..

NEW QUIZ!!
Hey heyy you peeps~! If you have nothing else better to do.. and you just feel like wasting your time... go ahead and do this new quiz!
The main motive is to see if you think the way that I do.. which means, the less marks you get.. the smaller chances that you're going to turn out like me.. Ekkekeke!! So.. good luck~! Ekkeke!!
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Hik~!
Funny.. just spent some time reading my past entries in the archive.. And there's this time in August, I wrote the title.. "I still pick my friends over YOU" and at the end I said "but what if YOU are my friend?" Ekkekke~! I don't know.. it's just funny to remember those old stuff lah!
Oklaa.. I think I'm going to lie down in a bit. Feeling hungry though.. huuu.. help~!
Jom makaaaannn!

when you and I both know this is the end~*

Addicted again..
Heeeeeeelllp~!! Mama really shouldn't let me brought her set of eye-shadows over here.. I'm addicted to it!! But of course, I'm just wearing the black-colored one. I have to say.. I like~~! Heehee~! And even my friends are toying with it. Hehh~!
Went to class this morning.. 10 am, to find that there was no class! Chehh~! What a waste of energy. Sempat lambai 'Ms Universe' kat Bahijah and Yusrah who were in their class along with Ana and Fina. English at twelve.. kinda boring.. I don't know.. things are just different~!
Pagi tadi Wanie bodo.. pegi banjirkan the whole kitchen~!! Papa suh Wanie pasang air for the washing machine.. so I did! Lepas mandi I turned on the tap, and totally forgot about it while I was getting ready to get back here. Huhuuu~!! Kesian Papa kena lap sumer.. Huwaaaa~!! Nape Wanie bangang sangat nih?!! BENCI!! I am such a klutz and I hate that!! I wish I can throw away half of me for a week!!

I'm not here...

Together means disaster..?
Hey heyy.. I feel different today. I wonder why. Have been staring into space this day.. I wonder why.
Humm.. I think I'll be updating my sitey next Monday. So 'til then, you can just read this blog or stare at my face at my main page.. Ekkekke~! But of course, why would anyone want to do that?! Well, actually my site is quite ready to be uploaded but I can't get my computer back here in MMU right now. Not this week at least, 'coz my sister is getting fond of it - just had Sims Vacation installed so she's going addicted to it.. ekkeke~!
O yeah, thanks Ana Fina~~ for letting me use your computers.. Hihihik! Lucky me for having two great roomies!!
Oh well, things have been.... different these days. How, I don't know. Things are just.. unexplainable..

Falling into nothingness yet again.. stooopid~!

Tuesday - February 11th 2003

Why would you want to talk to me
When you know that you won't listen
Why would you want to see me today
When you know that you're going away

That's what you always do
That's what you do to me
You say all those nice things
And made me feel all kinds of feelings
And when you had me there
You turn around and run away

I've tried that myself
I've tried to leave you, for a change
But whenever I lifted my feet
Seems like I'm hurting even more

I've been wondering ever since
'Coz I need to breathe on my own
Why did you do all this to me?
Why did you say all that to me?
Have you been lying since then?
Were you lying when you told me that you cared?

Seems like you've never cared
You hurt me even when we're apart
Imagine when we're together
Dark clouds 'round my world, rain and thunder

'Coz I just can't forget
How much I actually care
Even that it hurts me so
I think I just want you to know
That I'm glad for that one moment
I thought I knew you, but no more..

Heehee~!
Been watching my friends going all silly.. while I used Fina's laptop.. Thanks Fina~!! Slop~slop~ Ekkekke..! Anyways, nothing much has been going on right here.. Pretty slow day, to be honest. Went to Graphics to be embarassed by Mr Neo. But I have to say, it doesn't affect me as much it affects Fina.. Huuu~! Of course, she's not used to being embarassed in public.. Ehhehhe..
O yeah, funny thing happened.. saw someone who was wearing the same shirt as I was wearing today.. Hehhhehe!! Though, mine is red while his was dark blue.. ^_^ Naseb laa baik
Okaaaay, I think I better be off now.. have a nice Aidiladha peeps~!

For I have been feeling this for so long

Demm tired!!! (February 10th)
Huwaaaaa!! I think my whole body is falling apart.. +_+ Had a pretty busy day, today..
The Fundamental lecture was nothing.. I mean, nothing much tiring about sitting in the theatre, making silly jokes with my friends. ^_^ And then, for the Creative Expression, we had to do this stretching movements which was pretty torturing, considering I haven't been stretching myself out for months and months! It hurts just a bit when we did it, but now.. the pain has multiplied! Huwaaaa!! I have to say.. the thingy for CE was kinda fun.. it wasn't all that bad.. rolling about on the carpet was something new, so I have to say that it was pretty amusing! ^_^
Then me and Ana went straight to English.. (supposedly we were late, but Ms Zaiha got in even more late! Hehhe..) It was nothing much.. had to do some poetry exercises..
And got back to our rooms.. Thanks Ana, for letting me use your computer! (Mine is still at home..) Maybe I'll get my computer back in MMU on Thursday.. Gotta stay for Friday since I have that English test! Bluerrgh! How I wish I could get back home on Thursday.. I wanna enjoy my Valentine's!!!
So anyways.. around 2:40 my sister picked me up for lunch and a game of bowling. God!! My hands are trembling! Haven't touched the ball for the rest of last year, and God!! It's so *demm* heavy! I do believe my arms are falling off my shoulders.. +_+ I won though.. with a pretty pathetic average.. 87 lahh~! Menyedihkan! But I managed to do 3 spares in 2 games! Ekekkeke!
Anyways, after the painful game of bowling, me and Dida finally got home.. spent the rest of the afternoon composing ringtones ('coz I was filled with BOREDOM!) and yeahh, went out again around 7:30. Spent the night in Petaling Street, can you believe it?? That was my first visit to the place, and I have to say.. it was a nice 'look'.. everything was all around you..! ^_^ I'm SUPER DUPER tired and in a HUGE amount of pain, but I guess it wasn't so bad.. Got myself a pretty neat shirt! (Though, Nina didn't really approve it.. heh~!)
Well.. gotta get my rest now if I want to feel better in the morning...

Current song : Sincerely Me by A New Found Glory
~ So can you see.. you're seeing less of me, darling ~

Funny really...
Ever thought of this..? When you never had something, you were perfectly fine, and you don't think you'll ever want it. But when you had the taste of it.. when you got that 'first time'.. and it was no longer with you anymore, you missed it and believe that you're better with it than you're without.. Hihhi.. remind me not to get that 'first time' again 'coz it has turned sucky, now..! Bluerrghh!
Had a pretty neat morning.. but I'll be going in a bit.. me and my sis are going out!
Owwh okay.. later~~!!

Thanks Ana.. you roxX!!

Some Things I Hate About You...
I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare
I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that makes me sick, that even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you made me cry
I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close,
not even a lil' bit, not even at all...

huuhuuu~!

Hamekk kauu! A whole week's worth of posts! HAHHAHA~!!

Friday - January 31st 2003 24 Hours
In about 24 hours, Nina and Jasmin will be legally united.. Huu.. The nikah will be tomorrow and the kenduri is on Sunday. Heehee~! It's supposed to be fun!! 'Coz Papa said that there'll be ais kepal!! Ever heard of it? Well, if you've read LAT comics before, you should have heard it. It's an ice ball with syrup and gula melaka. Somewhat similar to ABC but this one, you'd have to hold it with your hands and if you didn't eat the ice, just sucked on the syrup.. you can throw the ice to your friends!! HAHHAH!! Well, ais kepal is no longer in this generation. But I've experienced it some years ago when we held a family reunion at kampung! Very neat indeed! I ate a whole total of six, that day.. and my lips went numb and red! Ekkekeke!! But it was a hell of fun! ^_^ But now I'm worried if I'll be too busy for the ais kepal.. after all, my job will be taking pictures for the family! Huuhuuu.. at least I won't have to do the hard works! Weeeeee~!!
Anyways, finally got my contact lenses on! Stupid stupid.. been trying since yesterday and demm it's hard!! Urrgh! It was so frustrating!! Good thing I finally managed to get it on.. (with much much trials and tears shed.. Huu!) And I have to say.. it feels mighty weird!
Aaaah! Can't wait 'til Sunday and see who'll be there!! Weee~!! Gosh, I haven't been excited as much as this for weeks! ^_^

Hope it'll be gr8!

Monday - February 3rd 2003 Ekkekkeke!! Fine as always..
I've been reading old messages, listening to old songs, old notes, old.. old stuff that I've avoided this last month.. and guess what? I laughed real hard!! EKKEKEK!! Geli geli tali perutku KIKKIKIKI!! And I finally listened to this one song from the beginning to the end! Hehh.. I used to listen to it just halfway, and now that I've listen to it full.. I laugh again!! Ekkekeke!! Ape laa kelakar sangat.. Gosh! I can't explain why I can look into life so positively. Honestly, really reaaaaaally honestly.. sometimes I drag about old unhappy stuff 'coz I think I'm abnormally too happy most of the time. Ekkekke!! Sorry.. I guess that's plain me! 'Coz if I don't drag.. people would think that I'm too fine!! I do need attention people!! Ikkikiki!! So yeah, I'm totally fine after reading those old things.. but when I listen to some new songs along with those old notes, my heart aches.. Why? Ekkekke.. Very weird heart and mind, I have.. ^_^
Nina's wedding went fine.. to know more, you can click around my site once I've upload it. Wrote the update in whole 3 hours!! It took that long.. hehhe.. 'coz I had to edit the pictures and stuff.. Heehee~ kampung Wanie besh kan, korang? Ekkekke.. perasan..
Hihhi.. o yeah, now that I've got my contact lense.. I have to say.. besh aa main mata!! Ekkekke!! Though, now that the metal piece in front of my face is off.. it gets obvious when I look into people. They'd notice it immediately.. Tak besh sangat part tu.. but paling tak besh, kalau orang start pandang balek, I'll turn away.. huhhuu.. I lost! Chit! Takut kot.. There's that saying which goes dari mata.. turun ke hati.. Huhuuu.. kalau turun ke hati tu, susah lerRrrR..

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?

Lost In You by Ash

Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you, but it is late at night
And you're far away, but you are always on my mind

I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt, though I know it is not true
And it's times like these when I am dying to speak to you
I'm dying to get through, I'm dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, I'm dying to speak to you.

Staring at the wall, I sink inside
I think about it all, I get caught up in my life
I can't think straight, because it's tearing up my mind

I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt, though I know it is not true
And it's times like these when I am dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, dying to get through

The more that I think how I need you
The more that I think, the more it seems true
And now it means more that I ever meant it to
Ever meant it to

Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you, but it is late at night
And you're far away, but you are always on my mind

You are always on my mind

Tuesday - February 4th 2003 Always on my mind..
It rained pretty hard yesterday. Now I've understood myself better! If the rain starts while I'm inside, I'll get mellow and pretty down. But if it starts while I'm outside, I'll get pretty hyper about it! ^_^ 'Coz I felt a wee bit mellow yesterday. And it kinda sucked 'coz I plainly hate feeling that way.. 'Coz I have this freakish thought that kinda stuck in my head right now. Sheesh!! So anyways... wondering, does anybody else felt different when the rain starts? Or do you guys just feel the same? Some people might have their thoughts on old memories, I know.. hihhik!
Humm.. funny when you know what the people around you say about you. Someone once said something to me and it got me thinking. Am I really what the person told me?? And then, weird enough.. I tried to live up to people's expectations constantly.. which was absolutely ridiculous 'coz it's tearing me apart!! So.. I made a note to myself.. if anyone ever said what they think of me again in the future.. just laugh it up, and forget about it! Ngee~!
Heehee~! I don't know why I can't take this silly smile off my face! Now I'm wondering why I smile a lot! I mean, what's up with me?? I even smile to strangers lahh!! Bahaye sungguh! Someone dare me!! I'm gonna try not to smile for one day.. Heehee~!
I noticed I haven't been talking about the things in my head for a while now, 'aight? .......(thinking)........ AH~HA!! Since I'm listening to Celine Dion's All By Myself.. let's talk about being single!! Ekkekekke!! I wonder why you peeps are still reading to this silly blog! ^_^
Okehh.. having the experience of NOT being single, I'll try my best to express how I feel about everything, wokie! Ngee~! (This ought to be interesting, since it's usually times like this when I discover new things about me! ^_^) Humm.. I say.. at the age of 18.. it's kinda pathetic if you don't even have a single experience of NOT being single.. (no offence, but this is what I think!) Well, not really pathetic, y'know.. But.. this is your teen years.. you SHOULD be experiencing loads of stuff! ^_^ This is the years when you ought to make mistakes and still have the time to make it right. Just imagine.. if you're 25, and just had your first love.. it could go on for two years.. 27, so you should think about marriage by that time, 'aight? And so it happens that you just noticed that you can't really live with 'em! They actually annoy you half of the time you were together, and your partner has a bad breath that you just can't imagine yourself kissing 'em.. ekkeke!! SO! 27.. just three years before you hit 30. Dah tua laa makcik pakcik oii.. While in this teen years, it's okay to make mistakes! If you lost interest in your first relationship, it's okay! You'll try and take things slowly in the second one. ('coz I believe the fact that making things 'mysterious' would make you anticipating for tomorrow.. new things to discover!) If your dad forced you to break up, it's okay! Don't tell your next relationship to him! Ekkekek!!
Understanding a relationship is MIGHTY hard, I'm telling you. Takes up a LOT of responsible, and that's why I think being single is not that bad! When you're in a relationship.. you'd probably worry about silly silly stuff. "Where did he/she went to?" - "Am I making him/her happy enough?" - "I wonder what he/she saw in me.." Those things will only get you insane! Hahhaha!! Trust, honesty, compromise are some of the things you need to make a relationship work. And you also need to throw some ego away and have that will to make things work, no matter what. Trust - jealousy is a very dangerous thing.. stupid also lah! If you keep questioning your partner with whom they've been going out or the people they're talking to, it'll only make them annoyed with your insecurities..! Bluerrgh! But I have to say, it kinda suxX to see your partner talking to another opposite sex and you had to tell yourself that he/she's yours and not that other person.. Ekkekek! Honesty - which comes hard if you lie a LOT through out your life.. Heehee~ Honesty is important to build up that trust. Compromise - Ekkekke! I'm really bad at this.. not ready to lose just yet. Ikkikiki! Well, the main point is you win some, you lose some. If you keep winning, meaning your partner is always the one who had to compromise, they'd get tired and fed-up of you.. ^_^ Anti-ego - Ekkekke!! Another one I can't give away just yet.. ^_^ Being ego in a relationship is absolutely horrible! You really should talk on what you feel and not surpressing it to yourself. You're gonna have to get use to saying sorry, telling your partner that they're neat - the things that made you fall for 'em.. those embarassing embarassing stuff!! The will to make it work of course.. if you really.. err.. love your partner, you won't let people tell you that they're not good enough for you. If your friends tell you that.. well, go to h*ll with them! Ekkekek!! If you have the will.. no matter what happens to the two of you, it'll turn out for the better in the end.. ^_^ Gedik aah Wanie!
Humm.. good! I was just reminded how fussy a relationship can be.. Maybe it's good that I'm not in one at the moment. ^_^ Single=worry less, carefree, you don't have to think about others but yourself!, you get to flirt around - bukan main mata ngan sorang jek! Ekkekkee!!
But of course, once you had that experience of having someone by your side.. you'd feel a bit different. ^_^
Okay.. okay.. Wanie dah takmo cite dah! Nanti kang terlepas menda-menda mengarut ekkekek!!

frozen, blocked, stone

Wednesday - February 5th 2003 Trendsetter? = JOKE
Have you ever.. stared at something for so long, without realizing what's really you're looking at 'coz you had some things in your head? Well, I kinda hate that. It usually happens to me when I look into certain pictures. It's like.. somehow my thoughts wander off into the day the picture was taken.. and I remember exactly how I felt. It's really weird, sometimes I just stared at myself! And remember who took the picture for me.. with whom I'm with.. and the way that I felt.. it's just freakish!
Oh well, a boring boring day.. suddenly reminded with the things my sister said. With Nina already married.. Dida analized me some days ago.. 'Coz I said how I like things planned out, but I don't want to do the planning.. Like.. If I don't feel like doing things as the way I always do it (total mess), there's always a plan prepared.. and then she said. "Owh.. so you like boring guys, then!" Ekkekke! Whateva.. and then she told me that I should be more matured (huwaaaa!!), which then I just laughed 'coz I'm not ready to give that up yet. I mean, huuu.. no no no.. I am SO unprepared to think maturely. Maybe I'll give it up if my next relationship ends with the guy saying "I can't stand you! You are so immature!!" Ekkekke!! Until then, I'm staying the way I am. ^_^ Though, I have to say.. thinking maturely shouldn't bring me troubles, 'aight? But heyy! I still clap my hands when I'm happy, whine when Papa won't get me a glass of drink.. ekkekek!.. and that's SO kiddies stuff! ^.^ And then Nina got this book on how to bring up a child.. and honestly.. I am SO SO SOOO not ready for that! I looked into some pages of it, and it freaks me out!! So, Papa.. don't worry! Wanie takkan menggatal nak kawen dalam mase 2-3 tahun ni, okay! Hihhik~! Really can't imagine myself having a baby.. Can't even imagine Nina having a baby.. aAAaAaAaAa!! These thoughts are really freaking me out!! Helllppp!! I need to think about some other stuff! Huwaaa!
Okay, reminded about the Q I gave to Nina just now. "Would you want your kid to be somewhat like me?" Hehhehek! Thank God she said no! I don't want my nephew/niece to be like me! Even I don't want my child to be like me! It's horrendous!! Catastrophic! Though.. I do want those future kids experience as much fun as I am having in this life.. Aaaah~! I really like the way I think - 'coz I don't think that much.. Ekekkeke!!
Y'know, some years ago me and my sisters got into a conversation.. When any of us has children.. If me and Nina feels like our children needs disciplinary training, we should send them to Aunt Dida.. Ekkeke!! Dida's always the strict and perfectionist one. She like things in order. That ought to teach the kids. O yeah, they can also learn to cook if they're with Dida. If the kids is neat, but needs a lil' cheering up.. they should come to me, and I'll find a way to entertain them and they could clean up my house in return.. Ekkeke!! 'Coz I'm the sloppy sister!! Yee~ha! Everything I do always turn out to be messy! Ekkekek!! While with Nina, they can find peace and quiet.. Heehee~!
I am so glad that I have two incredible sisters who are able to put up with a spoiled brat like me.. I am also glad that I am ME, even though I know I turned out to be a spoiled brat.. Ekkekekke!!

Current song : All The Things She Said by T.A.T.U
~ I'm in serious sh**, I feel totally lost ~

Thursday - February 6th 2003 What I have in my mind..
I'm thinking.. as honest as I get, I've never been truly honest.. I just realize.. even when I tell people how I 'really' feel, there's something even more 'real' inside of me. I wasn't lying, was I? I was only leaving out half of the truth.. but I didn't lie, right? Well, I did lie.. but not to others.. just myself. 'Coz I've been wondering, what if I tell people how I really feel? What if I let people into my deepest thoughts? What if I let you know what I really have in my heart and mind?? Odd how sometimes, it's somebody else who made you realize on what you really have in your thoughts. Pernah tak? Well, if you haven't, maybe you're just too thick-headed that you refuse to see that. Hehh~! I've had some of those days and I have to say that it's pretty amusing. When someone actually hinted on something, and it took you a moment before you go "Aaaah~!" Hihhihi!
Humm.. my hair is getting longer lah! When did I cut it? December or January, ekk? Well, I vowed to myself not to cut my hair this whole year. I'd like to see how long can my hair get in 12 months.. ^_^
Going to leave this entry with something I had my thoughts on.. Heehee~! No matter how confused you can get by yourself, it's YOU who knows yourself the best. People may tell you what's wrong and right.. but it's YOU who has the rights to judge whether it's wrong or right.. In other words.. start listening to your heart!! Ekkekeke!!

Current song : Nobody Knows by Tony Rich Project
~ ... but me ~

Friday - February 7th 2003 My heart, your heart, everybody's heart!
Hahhaa!! Don't you think it's kinda obvious that my entry these days keep telling you peeps to take note on what your heart is telling you? Ekkekek!! I just noticed that I've been sending the same messages over and over again. Sorry.. I guess it's tiring me out, that I'm surrounded by people who listens to their head too much. Ekkekke! Down from my dad, to my good friends. It's like.. they don't know what they want anymore! Or.. they know what they want, but they think too rationally to make it happen! Ekkekke! Pandai btoll Wanie cakap! To those whom concerned.. ask yourself what you really want!! Your heart knows it.. forget your head 'coz it's BORING! Ekkekke! Rules are meant to be broken!! Ekekkeke!! ^_^ Apelaa Wanie ajar nih.. adik-adik jangan ikut nasihat akak ni ye.. tak baik untuk kesihatan. A bukan aaa.. A untuk Appeton! Ngeeee~!

Sunday - February 9th 2003 Missed me?
This entry was written very very late at night. Huuu.. my head is spinning. Anyways, gonna have class tomorrow. God knows how lazy I am for that, but I'll go anyways.. +_+
Can't wait 'til the pictures are developed! Don't know why I'm so crazy about photos these days. Gonna show you peeps when I get my computer over. I don't think I'll bring it back this week. I can see no point from it, but who knows.. I might change my mind in this few hours - like I always do in any other decision-making of mine. Huu~!
Got back from Penang today. It was a pretty nice trip - considering that we stayed at a really neat hotel, with a big dinner and breakfast! Ahhahha~!! Gendang gendut tali kecapi.. kenyang perut senang hati~ Ekkekke!! Well, it's just neat! Imagine.. one huge family - 40, I think.. stayed in one same hotel.. and had some neat activities together.. ^_^ Pity for those other kid residence, 'coz my cousins conquered the kids' pool.. Ekkekke!! Also, imagine the bus, with only 17 adults (including the driver and my two sisters.. note: I don't think myself as an adult.. ^_^) It was a neat trip.. tiring, but very neat indeed. O yeah, why did we went to Penang? Bertandang! A week after Nina's wedding at our kampung.. it's Jasmin's turn to have us over at his place.
Okehh! Should get some rest..

dizzy, confused, falling