the light is fading..

.. i still wish i know how to dodge questions [refer to November 20th, 2003 post :p ]

payahnye jadi pompuan yang emosi..

okay.. so i realized that i'm not ready.. for anything.
anything that requires me to be stable for at least 24hours.
heart of a child la konon.. :))
but truly.. i am just incapable of thinking. my rationality only shows once in a while.. rest of the time i am just emotional..

crap.
crap...
i'm crappy!!

not sure how i get through this 19 years..
this sort of heartache should've killed me at least 4 years ago! when nothing have ever started..
wouldn't life be wonderful that way?

insecurity.. confusion.. thoughts.. dreams.. wishes..
heartache heartache heartache
these are killing my insides..

thanks buttercup (as in the song) for making me see..
that i'm just not ready..
really...

this is me..
Going Under by Evanescence

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50,000 tears I've cried
Screaming,
Deceiving,
And bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Going Under....
Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reach the bottom

I'm...dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm...going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
(So I don't know what's real)
(So I don't know what's real and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm...dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through,
I'm, so go on and scream
Scream at me, so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under

I'm...dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through,
I'm, going under (going under)
Going under (drowning in you)
I'm going under

i'm STUPIDLY confused.
stop huh?