crap bag

a bagful of crap

feeling quite that way right now.
it seemed apparent that me and my friends are not doing very well in studies.
saw miss zaiha just now to ask her about our task and if i were to put in her shoes, i'd be super-annoyed with the answers we gave to her questions.
earlier, miss mastura told me that i should work harder on my assignments and study for the finals.
sorry.
i feel sorry for myself.. for being this lazy and being this unfocused and irresponsible. how can i anticipate gamma when my attitude is this way? *curse at myself*
sorry wanie.
pathetic!
i hate myself for being this way..

and i'll be going home tonight.. will be going to perak on friday for design process assignment. hope i won't feel as crappy as this by then.. hope that i won't be as useless as this by then..
and i'm pondering about something at this moment and it's bringing up the insecurity inside of me.. i'm scared.. of something.. but somehow.. i want to let this thought go.
'coz maybe...
i may seem to care about things.. when honestly, i don't care enough.. i never cared enough.. never..
i must be crazy for not caring as much as i should........
it's never enough.......................

this should end.