i just.... i simply don't know...

i never knew..
about anything..
about everything...

takut nyee.. takut nyee.. takut nyeee!!
hontoni kowaii.
have you ever felt soo scared that it just gets hard to breathe?

it's so hard to breathe. and it feels like it will never end.
i just feel like running away, i wish i know where to.
i don't know.. i simply don't know.
is it possible if i were to pack my bags and never return?
can i pack my bags and never return?
it's simply amazing.. how i don't feel like caring for anything any longer. forget everything, anything, anyone.. and just leave.

but the truth is.. i cared so much that it mattered this much.

i am scared and depressed.
and i don't know where to turn to 'cause i know they'd say "i told you so".
*scream*
two biggest things that is happening in my life.
i've probably made the two biggest mistakes of my life.

not to fight for the course i was actually full-heartedly interested in.
and feeling the things i shouldn't have felt on the first place.

i never knew how it'll turn out.

i am such a cow!
no.. i am actually as low as dirt.

i hate being stupid! i hate being depressed!
and i absolutely hate the fact that i can't quit yapping!!!!

in case you've misunderstood this whole post..
i am not really "complaining".. i am simply pouring my heart out because i don't think i can to my friends.
i just can't.

'cause you see....
they've told me so...
only i was too pigheaded and stubborn and stupid to listen and think about anything thoroughly.

so the future is not mine to see.
i wish it was so.. as i need some reassurance of something right now.
though i know it may not come.
it may never came.

it may never....