"i want a lover i don't have to love"

Lover I Don't Have To Love, Bright Eyes' song which i am liking now for how it sounded.
and i like that line, "i want a lover i don't have to love". macam senaaaang aje, but it would be cruel, i think. to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. huhuuu. i think i did that - for one day. ahhahahaha! adooiilah. and then some while later he changed into someone else that neither me nor rai or adam could understand. haihh.. my datuk tersayang. wonder where he is right now.
and though i can't really say that he changed because of me. it kinda felt that way, and i swore i wouldn't do that ever again in my life no matter how tempted i am.
so heyy, please don't tempt me.. haihhh~ 'coz i am capable of that.

dida said i am too idealistic, and i should be rational one of these days. right now i am just trying to kill the "ideas" that are still left here. that rational part may never came though. heehee.

and now it's amazing that i've killed most of my "ideas" in my thoughts. sometimes i feel like i purposely hold on to some of it 'cause it was too easy to let go. i thought it would be hard but it was actually.. very simple. i guess i just wanted to know for real. (though i wasn't supposed to know!) hahhaha! thank you, anyways! thank you for feeding my curiosity.
so it is easy to let go if you just let it. :)

isykk! this feels so much like Form 5 except that i am without hanis, musz and dayat.
wahh it's going to be august and later december i'll be 20 and yet i don't feel anything like going to 20! peliknyehhh!
when i was "younger", and nina and dida reached 20.. i really thought i'd be something like them when i get 20.. but i think i am still far off lah. ekekkeke!

okay. wanie balek umah. be back tomorrow.
tak dapat layan "demam" AF but i then i get to see One Tree Hill!! :x

i don't know exactly what i want.

i was feeling MIGHTY low a few hours ago and all i can think of is to just DIE! (yes, mental.. I KNOW!) but i was soo tired and i was at a very low low point.
ehh.. still am.
but right now i'm not thinking about dying anymore lah at least.

my hands are shaking - 'coz i haven't really eat anything since wednesday? except for some loads of mentos and caramello.
chest hurting - extreme stupid-memory and panic attack. (i keep forgetting things that i should remember and remembering things that i should forget)
dizzy - sleep.. lack.
on a verge of barfing - but i have nothing to throw out. so, naseb baik! :))

feeling stupid. very. bimbo-like minus the looks = just stupid.
i guess it would be amazing if i manage to scrape that "PASS" this trimester. my work has been very.. crappy and disappointing.. and stupid, and ugly.. and cincai boncai.. and even I don't think i deserve a pass. and the last time i felt this way was after that animation assignment in the last trimester - and i really failed that one.

you know.. i honestly hate my guts for being so.. right MOST of the time. you might have seen me at my "stubborn" point but sometimes, i've already told myself to quit it already and yet i am still at it. haiihh~
sometimes i think i'm just trying to prove to myself that my 'logic and rational' senses can be wrong. ekkeke! faham ke? but they're always right. bosan. geram. nyampahhhh!!! X(

okay.. anyways. since today has been such a BAD DAY, i might as well tell you how the day went, 'aight?
okay. mpd shooting from 10pm last night to 4+am. okay, that wasn't bad since i was only THERE but did nothing. nothing = sketching/doodling on my research book for that ID assignment. buat slow gile. lembu betul. ohh, tengkiu encik payol for the morale support! ekekke! and the doodles. same to abang besar! :)
slept at 6am to 8am when dida called to confirm that papa would come to see me later.
woke up to shower.. do the moodboard and such for ID 'til i get too dizzy and slept on the couch. that was 12++. then lily woke me up at 1:15pm?, i think! heehee! and she told me to wash my face. ekkeke. >:D<
3pm papa came and brought me to printgate. babysitted izzati on the ride - which was behaving.. i don't know. i was too tired laa to take care of an active lil kid. by the way, somehow her poo got onto my only clean pants (which is not, now!) and my jacket! grr. i don't know laa how i felt at that time. i didn't really want to throw her out the window.. i was too tired to feel anything accept disgusted kot and tambah tired 'coz now i have extra clothes to wash! :(( izzati is still adorable anyways. even with that stinky poo! ekekke!
5 a bit pm, sent my INCOMPLETE.. WAAAAAAYY INCOMPLETE FINAL PROJECT in ID studio with the presence of mr khairi? and mr john. (we just had to line up our works by the way..)
mr john: where's your CD?
(which was supposed to be on top of our stack of mounting boards and the research/sketch book)
me: i couldn't finish it.. (shouldn't have slept!!)
mr khairi: humm, do we have another date for late submissions?
(asking mr john)
mr john: nope. today's the submission day, so that's it
me: humm, it's okay lah then.
mr john & mr khairi: "it's okaay?"
mr khairi: you'll lose marks.
me: ya laah, but i couldn't finish it.. so takpelaah.
(by the way.. the 3D models wasn't the ONLY thing i couldn't manage to finish.)

ohh God, i wish i was at home at this very moment so i can ask for a hug from anyone just any second i want. but i can't.
i am tired, having my period, dizzy and getting very sick.

On My Own by The Used

See all those people on the ground
Wasting time
I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight
The top of the world
Sitting here wishing
The things I've become
That something is missing
Maybe I...
But what do I know

And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down slow it down

Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And I'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all

On my own

Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And I'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all

On my own

i was about to post a love song there but i'm not really in love.. so i settle for this.
too tired to sleep lah. hummph!

"i've learn how not to care" ?

have i?
hehehe! i say.. yeah! well, at least i'm not "caring" as much as i used to. for once i am really letting things be. :) i guess it just gets easier as you can dettach yourself from that one thing you were so attached to. hehhe!
*taps shoulder*
i'm kinda proud of myself. please feel just as same with me. :)

okaylaa.. bukan tak care langsung kan.. but i haven't been making things BIG have i? unless someone said something about it first. that cannot be helped lah kan, 'coz we were in a conversation and it would be weird if i got quite all of a sudden! ekekkeke!

haa. to encik shahnon,
TENGKIUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKK!!!!!!!
heehee!
tengkiu tengkiu tengkiu tengkiu tengkiu!!
i've got the song that i wanted!! woo~hoo!! LOVING IT!!

okay.. gonna take my shower and will spend most of the night somewhere in A2 for our MPD shooting. hope i'll get to do my sketching there 'coz i've been messing around a lot lah! just now i've been helping lily settle her blog skin! ekekkeke! (yeahh.. better do something you really enjoy, 'aight?) hahhahaha!!

dah dah..
mandiiik!

unfocused again.

ablen la nieyyyyy!!! X(
his status said, "beautiful mistake" and then i was reminded of better than ezra's song i have so i listened to it..
and then i went to see the lyrics and found out that ataris sang a same-titled song which i kinda like how the lyrics go laa..
been trying to find the song but i don't think i'll be getting it anytime soon. so please anyone! if you have this song..
nak naaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkk!!!

Beautiful Mistake by The Ataris

Maybe I'm not ready for this
And you know it
Maybe I'm too scared to tell you
What I'm really thinking
It's not fair to stay together
Because of the regrets we might have

Don't want to fall asleep alone,
but do I want to wake up with you
I'm only trying to be completely honest

So I guess this is the ending
Of a beautiful mistake
And if we both agree
That we shouldn't be together
Why does it hurt so much
And I feel like I lost my closest friend

Don't want to fall asleep alone,
but do I want to wake up with you
I hope you're happy, and completely lonely

There I am, standing on all alone
On St. Lee Harbor bridge
And you know I would jump into
The f*king ocean
If it mean I was truly capable
Of being satisfied
Will I ever be?
Did I just give up the best thing I ever had

Don't want to fall asleep alone,
but do I want to wake up with you?
I hope you're happy, and completely lonely
Don't want to fall asleep alone,
but do I want to wake up with you?
I'm only trying to be completely honest

skarang kite tido dulu sebab dah ngantuk and malas nak mengadap paper paper nak lukis! hahahhaha!!
(itu saja alasannyehh!)

Rela Ku Pujuk by Spider

haven't heard this song before??

download here!!
ohh, it's not the best quality and it's a Real file.

but the lyrics are.. err.. not me.
sebab i got tired of pujuk already. huhuu.
but me liiiiiiike the guitars on this song very very much!!

eeeeeeeeeeuwwww!!!

you creeps me out and i can't even tell it to your face!

hyuck!

stop that before i barf for real!

euuww!!

stop it stop it!! please!!

you're not THAT big. please please!!

sungguh malu sekali.

didaroXx!! + cerita klakar #2

ekkekeke. nak kate ape dah?
"i told you so," kot? ekekkeke!!
sape pandai will get why i laughed on the first place.

okay.. just got back to cyberia. (sort of) settled my things, and tendang computer sikit, the usuals :P went to class which wasn't on. ekekkeke! penat btol!! grr. but the walk back was entertaining 'coz my head keep repeating mr john's and farizu's words. oh-oh-oh! (gelak bodo disini) commit suicide kite arini? *nods nods* yoshh~!!
note: i have tons of work and yet, i'm glued to the keyboard! ekkeke!

so anyways! things in cyberia and shah alam are waaaaaayy different! it could be just in my thoughts tapinye. :)
but the long weekend was AWESOME!! i kinda get the amnesia that i wanted. KINDA. ekkeke!
what's awesome is how i had a pretty rough time right before coming home. things happened (as i said, things ALWAYS happen!) and then i had a row with stupid dida (which turned out to be AWESOME dida!) ekekke! (what's weird about dida is that she is WAAY too annoying but it's just IMPOSSIBLE to push her away! heehee)



good food! me like! :xand then there was..



budak nakal izzati!!heehee!! sangat entertaining!! it's tiresome la to take care of her (kesian papa 'coz he'll be baby-sitting alone for the rest of the week as everyone else goes to work) but she's AMAZING!! sangat sukaa itu budak!! can't wait to see if her lil' brother or sister will be just as amazing as her. (due december/january) heehee.
so what exactly work had i done?


quite nothing!! hahahahha!!i am still at "sketching" my watch.. but i kept being distracted to take pictures and edit them for nothing or doodling doodling. heehee! sangat unfocused!! grr. mati esok had to consult with the lecturers and john said just now, "you better have a LOT to show us". AHHAHAHAHAHHA!! *gedebikk* yahh.. a lot. *faints*

but what made me love the last weekend the most was because i just found out that dida is actually as wise as nina lah! ekekkeke! talking to her was an eye-opener. sangat.. kagum! it's amazing what you can learn about yourself from someone who REALLY knows you. haihhh~ cayang cayang didaaaaa!!!
but!
there's one thing yang agak.. err.. i don't know if i should admit it but she said that i always had the trouble of committing myself to something or someone. AHHAHAHAH! gelak-gelak-tapi-tak-berani-nak-gelak-lebey-sangat. huhuuu. she said, i've always created something to distant myself from the one i would want to get close to or like and when someone else likes me, i'd refrain myself from even feeling for that person even the slightest. ekkekeke!! ermm.. again. this is the part when i get confused.

what everr lah kann!
for sure, i've been reminded how it felt having really no attachments what so ever! yaahhh~!!
kan senang begini? :)
tetapi kesenangan ini diselit dengan perasaan takut. ekekkeke! *gedebikk!* dah.

so here.. a song for 3 people that's been hanging around in my life. ekekke! syuhh~
Goodbye Again by Vertical Horizon

I'm on the outside looking in
What do I see
so much of this left to begin
Where would I be
I'm on the outside looking in
Cover me through this night

I guess I don't know what's left to say
but Hear me out
All of the dreams of yesterday
keep breaking me down
What's on the outside
can you say?
Am I getting carried away

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
for one last try
So it's goodbye again

Goodbye again...

I'm getting on
what's the use?
You know how I get
I can't decide which is the truth
at least not yet
I got the feeling that it's you
what can be said alone in this room?
And now...

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
for one last try
So it's goodbye again

Who wants you now?
Maybe somebody else
I'll wait around
Maybe you'll forget
you were never here
Maybe forget
you weren't ever, never, here...

I'm on the outside looking down
What do I see?
So much of this cold in the ground
Where would I be?
I'm on the outside looking down
Cover me before you go...

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
for one last try
So it's goodbye again

You're falling out
I'm falling in
so it's goodbye again

It's way past time
for one last try
so it's goodbye..

here, take nina's words; menda camni jangan tamak..
when you had a choice, think it through and choose wisely. 'coz even if you're a tad too late, someone else might make the choice for you.

mari buat keje! yoshh~! buang malas tu jauh jauh.. syuhh!

cerita klakar.

it's so funny that it's getting VERY absurd.

it started out with me having one amazing friend and some other good friends. and something happened (something always happen!) and now i don't know if i have anyone left.
ekekkeke! of course la i do, kan. how can i live without those peeps. tapi now i am having doubts about things.. having doubts about myself.

how far... "yadda yadda yadda.." (i don't think you guys wanna read that part. lagipun, if i type them, someone somewhere would use it against me somehow so i better not really say what i really mean to say)

i don't know laa.. being too honest is SUCH a CURSE. tak percaya? well, you're not in my shoes, are you? i think it's just amazing how people use my words to get back at me. JUST AMAZING! cam.. pandainyeeee! (this is a compliment)
and another thing that is amazing is how i can keep people's secret to myself while i just blabbed about my things stupidly only to wish that i could take it back a while later.

entahlah.
i still can't say what i'm really feeling. everything seems like a big blur. i can't even decide if i'm really smiling or just faking it. real.. kot? :P

right now i don't know why i am typing this all out. just to waste time, maybe? :)
i think this whole blog is stupid. really. i don't know why i even bother. addicted kot! just like everything else in my life. even when i know it's bad for me, i still do it 'coz of an addiction. and it's so hard to stop because it had turned into a habbit.
but just like any other habbit.. you can really kill it off.
i used to fidget real bad, but i got over that.
i used to munch on gum anytime of the day, now i don't even like it anymore!

tapi skarang... heehee! o man! i really wish to say this one line but i'd be giving out too much lah if i do! grr! :P

okay! lagi satu lagu;
Inner Strength by Hilary Duff

Gotta find your inner strength
If you can't then just throw life away
Gotta learn to rely on you
Beauty, strength, and wisdom, too
You're beautiful inside and out
Lead a great life without a doubt
Don't need a man to make things fair
'Cuz more than likely he won't be there
Listen girl, gotta know it's true
In the end all you've got is you

haihh.. susahnyee laa having all these things to talk about but no one to talk to. sheesh!
brrr.

o yahh.. i am expecting to be MISUNDERSTOOD from this whole post as i always do in my EVERY other post everytime i really speak my mind. bosan~

it's a small world after all!

huhaaaa!!
*cam best sebut ni. just like those jocks we see on tv before they start a game. ekkeke!!
huhaa~!!
 
klakanye laa jadi pompuan.. ekkekeke! (as if i was a male before this!) hohohoho!!
it's funny what people say to you. especially strangers! ekkekeke! 8-} tak tahan.
but to "that guy" who said that "something" to me this morning.. tengkiuuk! that kinda made my day. actually, thanks to all the guys that has ever said "that" lah~ heehee!

okay.. actually i am a bit disappointed and happy at the same time 'coz my only class for today was cancelled! huhaaa!
disappointed 'coz i was needing some good dossage of busuk-ness from this busuk busuk guy but i guess i couldn't. haiihhh~ i don't like laa off-timing! :P

tak sabanyee nak balekk!! huhaaa~!! unlimited hugsss! :x :x nak balek skarang boleh taaaak?  ohh, long weekend means one thing...
CATCHING UP!! huhaaa!!
i better make up for lost times. been promising a get-together for so long, kaaaaaaaaannnnn!!
wahhh!! i am such a late-bloomer that even my past is catching up to me. eeeek! tapi takpe. this is the past that i don't mind visiting anytime at all. :)
(oops! macam tak sedar diri lak kerja menimbun! hahahha!!)
doodle pon macam dah tak sempat. ehh wait, i do have the time to doodle but i don't have the time to color it and upload it. lagi lagi dengan hello yang gilok! grr. but i love doodling!!! :x it may replace my diary anytime, now! ekekekeke!

okay. serius sikit.
something has changed. and now everything changes along. and i mean, EVERYTHING.
and that's the good news, so no worries!
the bad news is, my hands are a bit shaky as i typed this out. i guess i'm still figuring things out. ataupon i just need to get food stuffed down my throat! ekkekeke!!

ohh, susahnyee nak cari lagu tak femes! (accidentally found the lyrics! heehee) ntahntah lagu tak best pon! heehee!

Lies by Save Ferris

Lies, to deceive
Tellin' lies, tellin' lies
I can't believe
Lies, to deceive
So many lies, so many lies
Why do we believe

I've done wrong
I've listened to the wrong advice
I saw something in you once
Now I see it ain't so nice
Trouble is, I believed in you
I was the one who was being fooled
But I won't let it be the same

I won't fall back into your little game of
Lies, that deceive
Your little lies, your little lies
I can't believe
Lies, won't retrieve
The love you lost, the love you lost
When you lost me

You filled my head with untruth
Made me believe that you were you
Fed me lines of make-believe
But this time it's you who'll see
Your lies, won't retrieve
The love you lost, the love you lost
When you lost me

When the situation occurred
You quickly hid behind your words
I opened up my eyes
And soon I realized
That it's too late, my love has turned to hate
And there's nothing left for you
And your lies
Why do we believe

huhaa huhaaa!

(that is actually the sound of a very lame laugh)
heehee!

abang besa, tengkiuk!
prisca, tengkiuk jugek!
rosie.... humm.. mengapa harus tengkiu ya? ekekkeke!!
feeling rather normal now! (plus.. a day shorter to the weekends!!)

 
A battle between your friends (earth-shattering as it may seem to them) isn't yours to worry about. In fact, it isn't even that interesting. So don't feel bad about getting off the front lines.

mengantuknyeehh.. rasenye cam siang tadi tido! nvm.

macam tengah bosan, main main horoscope ngan tarot online. (baca sendiri cam bosan suda) i think it was quite interesting laa.. what it said. huhuu!
okie! like this song. (always been but tonight it's kinda exceptionally-like!) so, tengkiuk shahnon for letting me listen to this one! :D

At The Wake by Format

So far from me stands a man known as desease
He's shaking the, the hands of the people that, he meets
and Oh

You just don't see me anymore
oh I've been losing everything
You just don't see me anymore
I'll say, goodbye

Since you left, shes a mess
She regrets all the things that she could have said
but we fall asleep never think about anything
We wake to the sound of the phone as it hits the ground
and oh

You just don't see me anymore
I've been losing everything
You just don't see me anymore
I'll say, goodbye

And oh
At the wake. at the wake
I will turn to see a face
Just a face, just a face
That's surrounded by a name
What a name, what a name
And we never want to change
What you gave, what you gave
Never want to let go

So surround me, I need anything, your everything

I wanna live like I did before all this hit
To sleep in your arms
To think we'll never fall apart
and Oh

You know it's, you know it's
Such a drag
To live you life for a heart attack
To never get a second chance
To say a goodbye, to say goodbye (I'll never get to try)

You just don't see me anymore
Now I've been losing everything
You just don't see my anymore
I'll say goodbye

huhaa huhaaa!

malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunye malunyeeeekkkkkkk!!!!!

hahhh~ it's good to get that off my chest!

funny!

i have a dozen things to think about and here comes a person with a new name for me.
ohh.. that's BIG!!

yeah, it's SO BIG that i'm just gonna commit suicide after this out of depression!
i actually can get use to that word - BITCH, but i always thought it was too "harsh" but i guess it's not! hoyeyhhh!! now i can use it for myself anytime that i want!

woo~hoo!!
i would've give lindsaylohan a hug for telling me it's okay! :) but i wouldn't.
hyuck, don't make me barf.

more time to waste.

no afternoon class.
a bit glad, but it only means more time wasted!! been trying to do my assignment but it's a bit hopeless. really need to FOCUS!! yosh!

random meme.

one Open your mp3 player.
two Shuffle.
three Take the first 10 songs and list them, no matter how embarassing.

1. Hanson - Love Song
2. Avril Lavigne - Anything But Ordinary
3. Bowling For Soup - Baby One More Time
4. Trapt - Headstrong
5. Evanescence - Anywhere
6. Newsies - Carrying The Banner hahahhaha!! i don't know why i still have this
7. Samantha Mumba - Gotta Tell You
8. Anda - Tentang Seseorang
9. Bic Runga - Sway
10. Travis - The Cage

wahh! amazing lah. i'm not embarassed even the slightest! :D

okay. i am officially getting sick with people. o man, i really should try not to get ticked/annoyed too easy like this.
do lah whatever you want. i'd still be like this. penat dahhhh!

terima kasih kerana menggunakan wanie. untuk penumbok, sila tekan 1. untuk penendang, tekan 2. untuk pemulauan, sila tekan 3. sekiranya pilihan yang anda inginkan tidak tersenarai, sila mati. :)

suka lindsay lohan. :D
i prefer her than hilary duff :P

tu je.. just posting so i wouldn't have to continue on drawing for my assignment! :))

tickle my funny bone

the difference about me and other people;
i am just going to let that pass me and pretend like i never read that because i hate people commenting on what i feel when i felt it. ha-ha-ha! funny gits.
 
anyways! it had been a long night, watching the rest of my group members did the shooting for our title sequence. abang besa! :P i woke up amazingly early today despite i only had less than 4 hours of sleep. (entah kenape my body-clock wouldn't wait for my alarm)
went to class after skipping 3 classes of human factors + interface design last week. o yeah, i am such a lazy cow! moo~ (seems like i've been 'caring' too much about lame things that eventually bring me down)
 
so heyy, i better stop caring if everyone else has stopped as well, 'aight? :)
i'd like to see you start, once in a while. if not.. then biarkanlah it all wasted! simple.
 
mr khong said something rather interesting in class today.
funny how what i want right now is a getaway.. a trip! but then we're getting something different and quite unexpected! well, at least i didn't expect that! ekekeke! but i'm anticipating all the same! :))
 
ohh, i think i am back to cursing uncontrollably, and i am un-trusting the people that i should. beautiful! :)

buat keje mpd!! menyemak je bebudak ni :P

ps: majin busukk! hoyeyhhh! :))

wanie, berhentilah mengade!

i am getting VERY annoyed with myself. i feel like i should totally ignore myself for being such a difficult git! it's like.. i'm trying to help myself but "she" just refuses to even listen! STUBBORN NYEHHH!!!
BODOHH LAAAAAA!!!
 
why is it okay if it was only me who speaks of it?
 
i'm obviously stupid.
and he's nowhere i can find.
and somehow i feel like running away.
i've been saying things that i wish i didn't say, and he's not saying anything that  i wish he would've said.
so, i assume that he won't ever say it.
so, i better stop hoping 'coz it's been too long and it's making me even more stupid.
 
so biarlah!
it's going to end soon.
sick and tired of knowing nothing.

cempedakgoreng.cempedakgoreng.

what's awesome about cravings is when you get them!!so, thank you mama&papa!! :x :x

okay.. not exactly in a good mood 'coz i was expecting something (or someone) (..wait, i always was!) anyways! here's practically what i've done through the weekend.

- doodling
- watched mean girls for the second time 'coz dida wanted to see it.
- eat eat
- hoping (as always) stupidly (as always!)
- "Vote Zamil" and send to 33308. HAHHAHAHAH!! i can't believe i actually joined the Idol craze! :)) i voted 3 times, actually, but i'm not telling the other two. "setiap undi adalah rahsia" ekekkeke! :P

okay! bad mood at it's best.

*knocks head with knuckles*

FARIIIIIIIIZZZZZZ!!!
 
sukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
ekekkeke!!
sorry tau!
 
conversation
him: ... gtg!
me: ... annoying!
him: just thought .... .. .....
him: ... ..
me: erkkkk!!! sorrrrryyyyyyy!!!!
me: ... .. .....
me: thank youu!
 
ekkekeke!!
sorry fariz.. i guess it never crossed my mind that you were only trying to help.
you may not realize it, but you just helped me a whole LOT!!
thanks farizz!!!!!
 
so people may never change.
you may not be able to grow out from that annoying self of yours (heehee!) but you're still that sweet person i know.
itu jangan change, okehh! *hugssss!!* 
fariz, tekan sinihh!!

nak ikut!!

:(
sedeynyee.. i don't know how come i get so sad over this. eeee!! grrr! X(
have fun, korang korang budak MI! :-S
 
i wonder when ID would finally go somewhere.
 
okay. what is there to say? i don't think i have much to say 'coz i've been wasting most of my waking moment doodling. if i wasn't dooodling, i would be too busy halucinating to even do my assignment! hahhaha! oh, and i am also working on my other blog. ekkeke! carilah kalau terer. :P
 
watched King Arthur last night sampai sakit belakang! (buat ape dalam cinemaaa? ekkekeke!) the movie was tense, very - very serious! but i think guinevere was lame. hahhaha! okaylaa.. i honestly like kiera knightley. she's gorgeous, 'aight? :) but does guinevere has to wear that skimpy at war? DUH! ohh, and i'm in love with lancelot, thank you! :)) haihh~ sangat encemm! :x :x
 
okay, ini pon tengah malas nak buat my other 3D assignment that i'm supposed to submit today. macam.. leka pula sejak kebelakangan ni. ponteng kelas satu, dua. haihh~!
entah apee la yang wanie cari. :-S
 
i have to start that watch project for ID very soon. focus, yah? :)
i think i have really LOADS of work should be done by next week! haihhh~
..i don't think i like weekends so much. unless there's something to look forward to, but right now.. i have nothing lah.. :(
 
Desperately by Michelle Branch
 
Something about the way you looked at me,
 Made me think for a moment
That maybe we were meant to be.
Living our lives separately
And it's strange that things change, but not me wanting you...
So Desperately
 
Ohhh, why can't I ignore it
Yeah, I keep giving in,
But I should know better,
Cause there was something about the way you looked at me.
And it's strange that things change, but not me wanting you...
So Desperately
 
You looked my way and said you frustrate me.
like you're thinking of lines and times
when you and I were you and me.
We took our chance out on the street.
then I missed my chance
and chances are it won't be coming back to me
 
Why can't I ignore it.
I keep giving in but I should know better.
Cause there's something about the way you looked at me.
And it's strange that things change, but not me wanting you.
So Desperately...
 
So desperately...
 
Ohhh, why can't I ignore it.
Yeah, I keep giving in,
But I should know better.
Cause there was something about the way you looked at me.
And it's strange that things change, but not me wanting you..
So desperately...
 
I want you so desperately
I keep giving in but i should know better
I keep giving in but i should know better
 
So desperately
I want you so desperately
 
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! :(

this was what i drew while waiting for that ptptn briefing to start :)

ohh! shahnon described my doodling was like a childish-adult(?)
ekekkeke!

i've already got a fan of my silly little drawings. he said if i did a comic out of it, he'd surely buy it! hahhahahah!!
maybe i would! :P
well.. one drawing per day laa.. that's what i've been thinking. (macam peyton of one tree hill minus the stripping!)
ekkekeke!


this is, by the way, me and my mom's chat window. i actually just wanted to show you people how my mom looked when she was younger! ekkeke!! RETRO!!! :))

okay.. here's some conversation i had that i just post so later i can remember about it. :)

boy #1: "bf you main kayu tiga ke?"
respond: "ahhahhahahaha!!!!"

girl #1: "you're seeing someone yourself"
respond: "but i know who i liiiiike!"

girl #2: "maybe he just says that to shut you up"
respond: "adoi, jahatnyeee" :(

should get myself busy like.. RIGHT NOW!

i am no supergirl.

i get hurt.

and tired.

you do realize that, don't you?

so please stop giving me wrong ideas.

please.

i can't afford that.

there's a lot of things i can't afford right now.
1. can't afford to buy expensive things.
2. i can't afford to eat expensive food.
3. can't afford to go out for "fun" as much as i'd like.
4. can't afford to lose a friend.
5. i can't afford to lose my head!

hahhahahahha!!
i feel sick. dida and papa were scared if i turn out to be crazy one of these days. awesome!!

i am feeling rather relaxed these days. i mean, nothing stressful happening. but my head is getting very dizzy somehow. honestly dizzy! i don't know..
well, i actually do! :) i always know why i feel the way i felt or do the things i did, but they're usually unexplainable. (mostly, too embarassing to explain!) :P

i need to talk.
i need a walk.
but i can't be selfish, can i?

o well.. it has never been my place.

so we went to our internet applications lecture this afternoon and this is what i learnt;

hahhahahahhaa!! awesome, ain't it?
well, it's my doodle of my feelings when my pc went all crappy and now that it's better! :x

fotopage updated!! :)

super relieved!

okay..
i got my crappy pc back!! :)) and i didn't have to format it (though it might be a good thing to do, one of these days!) :D
so soooooo relieved!!
so relieved that i still have all those merepek files i kept in the hard drive. hahhahaha!! haihh~ i don't know why i got soo depressed of the thought of parting with them. :P

they were dear to me.
they still are. :)

dahhh! i better start on my work!

this must be the worst year i've ever had.

i am so tired and desperate and frustrated!

i can't remember when was the last time i cried as much.

sakit otak,
sakit hati,
sakit semuanya.

ps: thank you for helping me think when i couldn't.. :-S

if stars weren't so romantic.

(then i could do what i should?)

i am having my thoughts on tomorrow.
what should i do? what should i do?
with lily coming back here and me not having a computer to tibai on. :( saw papa this morning to send my cpu back home so dida can look to it. i guess if she says "FORMAT!" later, i would probably say okay to it. :-S sad.. VERY sad that would be..! :(
agaknye bole ke nanti kita cover balek chat yang lepas lepas?
:( sedeynyeee!! :(
i really hope that it won't come to that. i really hope that i can still keep my whole "shared folder" and my yahoo archives. ekkekekeke!! seems like i'm wanting to save all the wrong things, eh? :P
by the way, my friends are supposed to go to that starlight cinema tomorrow. o mannn!! i've been writing about that over and over again in my diary! grrr! guess i'll catch the next season punye lah! :)
biar korang kene gigit nyamukk!! hahahaha! (said the sore loser!)

today has been rather amusing. :) o wait! it has always been amusing during class, 'coz there's this 'budak gila' that keep saying that i am "sombong" (stuck up?) heehee! :P
and mr khong made creaking noises as he tried out my cult3d assignment.
and mr farizu had to listen to me whining about my computer and had to take my yet-another-late-submission that was supposed to be sent to mr khairi/hairi(?) heehee! tengkiuuuukk!

managed to get my work done quite fast during class that i get to surf around and i found these were entertaining;

How to make a wanie

Ingredients: 3 parts mercy 5 parts courage 1 part ego

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

got that one from shahnon's! :)
and this one is absolutely awesome!! ekekkekeke!

The University of Blogging Presents to waiyumeiwei An Honorary Bachelor of Babbling Majoring in Community Promotion Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

Username:

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

having weekends in cyberia! :(
mintak mintak esok ade aktiviti.. o yahh! adeee!!


basuh baju. :| ekkeke!

I'd Rather

I thought some time alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone(alone)
and I tried and found
out this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
but wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies,all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart,who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine, oh ho please be mine

I'd rather have bad times with(please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else(I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm(anytime),
than safe and warm by myself(surely surely baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart(my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you(surely),
than good times with someone else(surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm(oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself(all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart(you know yeah)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

by Luther Vandross

actually i only heard this song once.. just the afternoon.. while in the car! :D but the chorus really stuck in my head that i went back home to look who sang the song. :D
feeling rather stupid these days. it's that time when i get annoyed and furious with myself all over again. (i honestly can't remember when was the last time i actually loved myself!) haihhh~ i am SO darn tired of sighing. and i'm SO tired trying to understand something that i simply couldn't. bosan laaa...

i have loads of works to do, actually. so.. that's it.

Time And Time Again

Oh to love you, to love you not
It makes no difference it's all that I've got
And there's no reason for you to watch while I wait
For you to be perfect
perfectly late

Oh to have not, or to have
You swear on your life it's out of your hands
and there's no peace for the one you left here
oh you've perfectly no
you've no idea
that this never ends

and time and time again
I lose everything
it's funny how it never changes
I'm wrapped around your finger

Love's gentle but love's unkind
you're lost for words and I'm out of time
and there's no comfort that calls me to stay
when your perfect excuses are perfectly made
oh this never ends

And time and time again
I lose everything
it's funny how it never changes
I'm wrapped around your finger
Time and time again
I lose everything
it's funny but you'll never change
I'm wrapped around your finger

Oh to love you, to love you not
it makes no difference it's all that I've got
and there's no comfort that calls me to stay
Oh you're perfect

Time and time again
I lose everything
it's funny how it never changes
I'm wrapped around your finger

by Stretch Princess

and time and time again i make a fool out of myself :P
tak aciii!!
by the way, i am also stressing for my IDIOTIC computer (sama cam tuan nye?) which currently can only display a stop blue screen message that says; UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME. awesome lahh! X(

Dear,

wouldn't it be a nice change if i am able to say everything that i wanted to say? if i can say all that i've been meaning to say? i have so many things that i want to tell you but the sheer thought of speaking of it really freaks me out..
and i've been wanting you to say those things for me but it seems like i've been dreaming all this while. i must be really.. really stupid for letting myself believe that i can ever be okay.
just...
i wish i even get the right moment to say all these to you instead of typing it out like this idiot that i am.

for a moment there i thought i am starting to grow out of this. i thought i am starting not to care.. but somehow, something just pulled me back in, and made me realize that i couldn't stop caring.. at least not for now. if you ask me, i still can't decide if i really want to stay out of it. with this kind of confusion, it seems like the best way.. but i don't have the will to turn away. i don't want to.
but...
there's always a but.
if you tell me to turn away, i probably would. might not be immediately, but i really would.

One Night by The Corrs

Long day and I'm ready, I'm waiting for your call
'Cos I've made up my mind
My heart aches with a hunger and the want that you were mine
No I cannot deny
So for one night - is it alright
That I give you
My heart - my love - my heart
Just for one night
My body - my soul
Just for one night
My love - my love
For one night - one night - one night

When morning awakes me
Well I know I'll be alone
And I feel I'll be fine
So don't you worry about me
I'm not empty on my own
For inside I'm alive
That for one night - it was so right
That I gave you
My heart - my love - my heart
Just for one night
My body - my soul
Just for one night
My love - I loved
For one night - one night - one night

For one night - it was so right
That I gave you
My heart - my love - my heart
Just for one night
My body - my soul
Just for one night
My love - my love
For one night - we love - one night - one night
One night

Yang Ku Mau

Seringnya ku berpikir sampai pernah
Tak jua ku temukan jalan keluarnya
Jika memang bukan ini sudah tamatkanlah
Karena ku tak mau waktu ku terbuang

Jangan memaksakan ini
Jika memang bukan yang ini
Karena sesuatu yang peka
Buat kita jadi masalah

Yang ku mau ada diri mu
Tapi tak begini keadaannya
Yang ku mau selalu dengan mu
Jika Tuhan mau begini
Rubahlah semua jadi yang ku mau
Karena ku ingin
Semua berjalan seperti yang ku mau

Jangan memaksakan ini
Jika memang bukan yang ini
Karena sesuatu yang peka
Buat kita jadi masalah

Yang ku mau ada diri mu
Tapi tak begini keadaannya
Yang ku mau selalu dengan mu
Jika Tuhan mau begini
Rubahlah semua jadi yang ku mau
Karena ku ingin
Semua berjalan seperti yang ku mau

by Kris Dayanti

my guts are trustworthy!! hahahhaha!!

GREECE WONN THE EURO!!
hahhahaha!!
ooh, they make me proud!! :D

by the way.. apparently my hiatus is VERY temporary! huhuuu~
it's like.. something i HAVE to do whether i like it or not. my hands would just automatically start typing though i hated what it spelled out. haaiihhh~
ape ape lahh!

new-boring-layout features kirsten dunst as mary jane from spiderman! :D very much liking her these days. ohh, if the blue-red fonts bother you, too bad! though i am an ID (interface design) student.. and i should consider all about the UID (user interface design) of things.. i am not going to care much about this one, 'coz i also learn that you can't really satisfy everyone! so i choose not to bother about it at all.. :)

i am sensing my typical stupidity for the week through!

headache and heartaches

pusing pusing.

currently at my computer lab in mmu, just finished my first cult3d exercise! :D yaaayyy! now i am a successful cult3d user. :P
the internet at home is somehow unavailable though we've even paid in advance. mmg sangat tak guna!

ohh.. GREECE WONNN!!!! hahahahha!! eat your socks you czech supporters!! HAHAHHAHA!! i know a lot of my friends who chose czech republic last night and not forgetting to laugh at me when i said i am currently a greece fan! see who's laughing NOWW! ahahhahaha!! :))

okay.. my knee cap is getting better. doesn't hurt as bad as it was 2 nights ago. but somehow right now i am having a neck pain. grr.. ade ajekkk!!! X(

ehh laaa.. rupenye wanie tak siap laie keje!! grrrr!! cisss tak gune! tertipu!! farizu memusnahkan angan angan ku.. ekekeke!

okaay.. sambil buat keje.. semalam i went to see spiderman 2 for the second time. and i am officially loving mary-jane watson!
(dah siap kejeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! *jigs*)
okay.. back to mary-jane. i absolutely love her script! amazingly what she felt kinda reflects mine. only thing is.. i don't think he's actually spiderman! mengarut jek!
okay.. thanks to that-guy-who-always-treats-me-nicely! :) thank you for taking me along. :)

okay okay!!
tak sabar nak finals euro!
:D
going back home! hoyeh hoyehhhh!!
NAK BALEEEEEEKKKKK!!!

i think my intuition is getting better.

visited one place that i once thought of entering.
the place was nice.
the place was interesting.
but it wasn't really fun.

it turns out to be very.. normal.
and i hated that norm.

it's amazing how you dread something but still go through it.

i hate my normal life.
it's getting very old and boring.
i'm a sagittarian, i need change!!

urrghhh.. COME ONNN!!!

portugal won over holland by the way.
i knew they were going to the finals. but i hope tonight's winner gonna kick their behind this sunday! hahaha!

2-inched heels.

having very achy legs. but mostly my left leg, somehow.
wore heels for the first time. just thought i should try it out. it was rosie's by the way. it's amazing how despite her small size, i can still fit her heels. :D anyways! my comment on heels : PAINFUL!!
but i guess that's kinda expected since really.. it was my first time! :D
entah kenape terasa nak melawa keluar malam ni. :)
watched the movie which i am going to see again tomorrow night.. err, well.. later today! :D won't mind about it at all. so happens that i DO want to see the movie again. it was good! :x :x

earlier tonight someone complimented me for something. okaaaay, thank youuuu.. but i really don't know exactly how to react! tak tahan btol laa! ekekkeke!! :P bodek ni pon dapat ape aaa??? :P

will be having a full day (supposedly) today. there'll be a presentation in the morning. i honestly dislike presentations. even if i don't have to talk a lot, it just makes me all nervous and jumpy and all words seem to be leaving my head and tumbles out horribly and all vocabularies just gone and so i am left to spatter in front of a crowd. *sigh* just imagining it makes me shiver. :(
sleepy, but i'm not supposed to sleep. not yet not yet.

the euro is on but i feel lame not watching it but only to READ from the live report. :(

ohh.. you shouldn't be able to read this post.. 'coz i'm supposedly on a hiatus! ekkekeke!