i don't know exactly what i want.

i was feeling MIGHTY low a few hours ago and all i can think of is to just DIE! (yes, mental.. I KNOW!) but i was soo tired and i was at a very low low point.
ehh.. still am.
but right now i'm not thinking about dying anymore lah at least.

my hands are shaking - 'coz i haven't really eat anything since wednesday? except for some loads of mentos and caramello.
chest hurting - extreme stupid-memory and panic attack. (i keep forgetting things that i should remember and remembering things that i should forget)
dizzy - sleep.. lack.
on a verge of barfing - but i have nothing to throw out. so, naseb baik! :))

feeling stupid. very. bimbo-like minus the looks = just stupid.
i guess it would be amazing if i manage to scrape that "PASS" this trimester. my work has been very.. crappy and disappointing.. and stupid, and ugly.. and cincai boncai.. and even I don't think i deserve a pass. and the last time i felt this way was after that animation assignment in the last trimester - and i really failed that one.

you know.. i honestly hate my guts for being so.. right MOST of the time. you might have seen me at my "stubborn" point but sometimes, i've already told myself to quit it already and yet i am still at it. haiihh~
sometimes i think i'm just trying to prove to myself that my 'logic and rational' senses can be wrong. ekkeke! faham ke? but they're always right. bosan. geram. nyampahhhh!!! X(

okay.. anyways. since today has been such a BAD DAY, i might as well tell you how the day went, 'aight?
okay. mpd shooting from 10pm last night to 4+am. okay, that wasn't bad since i was only THERE but did nothing. nothing = sketching/doodling on my research book for that ID assignment. buat slow gile. lembu betul. ohh, tengkiu encik payol for the morale support! ekekke! and the doodles. same to abang besar! :)
slept at 6am to 8am when dida called to confirm that papa would come to see me later.
woke up to shower.. do the moodboard and such for ID 'til i get too dizzy and slept on the couch. that was 12++. then lily woke me up at 1:15pm?, i think! heehee! and she told me to wash my face. ekkeke. >:D<
3pm papa came and brought me to printgate. babysitted izzati on the ride - which was behaving.. i don't know. i was too tired laa to take care of an active lil kid. by the way, somehow her poo got onto my only clean pants (which is not, now!) and my jacket! grr. i don't know laa how i felt at that time. i didn't really want to throw her out the window.. i was too tired to feel anything accept disgusted kot and tambah tired 'coz now i have extra clothes to wash! :(( izzati is still adorable anyways. even with that stinky poo! ekekke!
5 a bit pm, sent my INCOMPLETE.. WAAAAAAYY INCOMPLETE FINAL PROJECT in ID studio with the presence of mr khairi? and mr john. (we just had to line up our works by the way..)
mr john: where's your CD?
(which was supposed to be on top of our stack of mounting boards and the research/sketch book)
me: i couldn't finish it.. (shouldn't have slept!!)
mr khairi: humm, do we have another date for late submissions?
(asking mr john)
mr john: nope. today's the submission day, so that's it
me: humm, it's okay lah then.
mr john & mr khairi: "it's okaay?"
mr khairi: you'll lose marks.
me: ya laah, but i couldn't finish it.. so takpelaah.
(by the way.. the 3D models wasn't the ONLY thing i couldn't manage to finish.)

ohh God, i wish i was at home at this very moment so i can ask for a hug from anyone just any second i want. but i can't.
i am tired, having my period, dizzy and getting very sick.

On My Own by The Used

See all those people on the ground
Wasting time
I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight
The top of the world
Sitting here wishing
The things I've become
That something is missing
Maybe I...
But what do I know

And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down slow it down

Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And I'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all

On my own

Without it all
I'm choking on nothing
It's clear in my head
And I'm screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all

On my own

i was about to post a love song there but i'm not really in love.. so i settle for this.
too tired to sleep lah. hummph!