"i want a lover i don't have to love"

Lover I Don't Have To Love, Bright Eyes' song which i am liking now for how it sounded.
and i like that line, "i want a lover i don't have to love". macam senaaaang aje, but it would be cruel, i think. to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. huhuuu. i think i did that - for one day. ahhahahaha! adooiilah. and then some while later he changed into someone else that neither me nor rai or adam could understand. haihh.. my datuk tersayang. wonder where he is right now.
and though i can't really say that he changed because of me. it kinda felt that way, and i swore i wouldn't do that ever again in my life no matter how tempted i am.
so heyy, please don't tempt me.. haihhh~ 'coz i am capable of that.

dida said i am too idealistic, and i should be rational one of these days. right now i am just trying to kill the "ideas" that are still left here. that rational part may never came though. heehee.

and now it's amazing that i've killed most of my "ideas" in my thoughts. sometimes i feel like i purposely hold on to some of it 'cause it was too easy to let go. i thought it would be hard but it was actually.. very simple. i guess i just wanted to know for real. (though i wasn't supposed to know!) hahhaha! thank you, anyways! thank you for feeding my curiosity.
so it is easy to let go if you just let it. :)

isykk! this feels so much like Form 5 except that i am without hanis, musz and dayat.
wahh it's going to be august and later december i'll be 20 and yet i don't feel anything like going to 20! peliknyehhh!
when i was "younger", and nina and dida reached 20.. i really thought i'd be something like them when i get 20.. but i think i am still far off lah. ekekkeke!

okay. wanie balek umah. be back tomorrow.
tak dapat layan "demam" AF but i then i get to see One Tree Hill!! :x