i should have no feelings

'coz feeling is pain
:D

i was reciting that line in the car right before i asked dida if it would be nice if i really own no feelings and then she said something really funny.
haaihh dida, i wish i still believe in that.
i don't think i want to even get that glimpse of feeling anymore. numb is good. :D

i was at a very high point this evening.. someone really pissed me off by INVADING my goddamn privacy!! i was cursing really bad and even dida didn't stop me. (she usually would shout to me saying things like; "not like things are getting BETTER if you curse!") well it doesn't, but anyways! i was cursing for a full 2 minutes and continue on for some seconds in a range of 10 minutes kot. hahhaha! (cursing like crazy again lah these days)
and then the funny thing was that i imagined myself letting that anger go straight to the one that caused it, but when the moment came.. when i saw that person face to face.. i just sat quiet.

and i hate that.

i hate sitting there quiet, 'coz i know that same person will piss me off again one of these days. and i'll recollect all the times i've been hurt and i get very angry, and i would want to scream, but i ended up crying.
bosan.
i hate ending up crying even when i'm angry, 'coz people would think i was sad..
i was fucking UPSET lah idiotss!!

sudah sudah.. i'll get tired again just to think about this.
dida is by the way, my super duper best friend! :x thank you for being such an amazing GIT! ekkeke!

o yahh.. 1st August was someone's birthday.
eppy birthday farizz!!
:D
and since it was the first sunday of august, it's also friendship's day. so.. happy friendship's day to those really neat friends i have. thank you for being real.

okay. been a while since i last heard this song. seems like.. 'kena' somehow. :)

Most Of All by Fuel

I see our stars tonight
Do you recall that light
Or do you ever think of me
And in your world somewhere
Do memories rip and tear
The ones that always keep you hanging on
To all that might have been

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
All those times we laughed
The scars that you left
Still i miss you most of all

And by the water's side
The tall grass where we lied
The nights we cried ourselves to sleep
Most Septembers now
I break down somehow
Remembering all we said
And all those dreams we never got to see

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
And did you ever find
A star in your mind
Or do you miss me most of all

Are you somewhere
Without a care
Or are alone as I
Did you ever make it home

I miss you most of all
And I miss you now
I miss you now

And I love you now
And I hate you now
And I miss you most of all
And did you ever find
A star in your mind
Or do you miss me most of all

and i saw a full moon tonight, and i remember a line quoted in How To Make And American Quilt that said; "full moons are just reasons for young people to act foolish"
hehhe.. and the other person (which was Wynona Rider) said; "i AM young, i'm supposed to be foolish" :D

hoyehh!