it's been a while.

it's monday and i'm actually typing out an entry. now, i can't even remember when was the last monday i am actually in cyberia. probably that first week of the third trimester.

to be honest, i am already disliking the fact that i'm here but i owe it to myself; that i should get my maya modelling done by tomorrow. four weeks have passed and only last friday did i start on it. heh!

okay. anyways. i'm in quite a foul mood to be a good blogger right now. can't wait to get my modelling done and get on with the chinese new year holiday that starts on 7th. cheer cheer!

humm.. i keep making goodbyes more terrible than it already is..

so much for assignment!

what ever happened to my dream for writing?
since i was younger, i always wanted to write. at first i thought of being a journalist. the thought of going out, getting a story and putting them into words seemed so great. and then i realize how uninterested i am to the daily news. i only read the cartoon section of the papers! i came to accept that i only like to write about what relates to me directly.

later in my standard school i started writing stories. sure, i get a lot of A's for my writing homeworks. but really, what's the satisfaction of talking about your life as a car, or a totally fictional life that only happened in your dreams?
i wrote some short stories and gave it to my bestfriends to read. they thought it was great, but now that i've read them back, all i can think of is "what idiots we were during our childhood.." honestly, i can't even forgive myself for the terrible grammar, bad choices of words and well, REALLY bad storylines.

i tried song writing and poetry in secondary school. i have to say that i like most of the turn outs, but i hate the fact that you can't just conjure up an idea. if you're in a role, you're in a role. if you're not, you're not. and i can't cope with not in a role when i want to.
i still write short stories every once in a while but i keep leaving them halfway. somehow i just lost interest with the whole idea after a chapter. (don't i always?)

so tonight, i was supposed to start on Maya but something else was stuck in my head. And I couldn't let the thought go so I had to start writing again.
How ever did i get to "multimedia" when writing has always been my number one?

anyways, going crazy after seeing this picture. quite a sneak peak for Harry Potter #4!!

little missy and friend.

getting a bit cranky right now. my feet are hurting me. gara gara merayap after finding out class wasn't on. (kalo tau, i would've stayed at home and sleep!!) but well, cik ila pon tak membantu when she said she had no plans for the afternoon!
(you see, when there's no plan.. you'd just have to MAKE ONE! hohhohok!)

so we went to campbell(?) since cik ila wanted to get her metal band cd. hihi. later we went to midvalley and ate "mee yang menyamar jadi laksa". (it's a story not worth talking about) then pusing pusing and entah macam mane, dah belanja rm30! ahhahaha! HORRIBLEHORRIBLE.
later we went to catch phantom of the opera since cik ila wanted to see it so much. good thing that i like the theme song pretty much to tag along! hihi. the movie was 2+hours. kinda tiring on the butt, but it was okay! not quite a surprise that i was able to get emotional by some film that is entirely musical!
i had to laugh at some parts though.. i think it's just funny how one second, the guy talks in proper sentences but the other second he suddenly sang his words in a rather enthusiastic song. (macam faham ke?)
anyways, in my opinion.. if the phantom keeps his mask on his face, i wouldn't mind marrying him! he's quite good looking if you look on his best side. hihi. but he's really psychotic, isn't he?

going back home was kinda funny. i had to contain myself from wetting my pants when i laughed at cik ila's little stunt display in the commuter train. kikkiki.

feeling pretty awful right now actually.
haven't seen mama for a week 'coz she had to go to langkawi for work and she only got back today. what's worse, i pulled off a mood the night before she left and i wanted to say something about it but it feels a bit late for that and now i don't know how to even say anything to her.
and dida will be off to labuan tomorrow morning and it gets me feeling even worse. i really hate it when both of my sisters are away from home. bluerrgh!
and i still have to do that maya modelling!! grr.
and all i want to do right now is get my pillow and just lay about wherever i can.

Masquerade! Paper faces on parade
Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you
Masquerade! Every face a different shade
Masquerade! Look around, there's another mask behind you
Masquerade! Buring glances,turning heads
Masquerade! Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you
Masquerade! Grinnning yellows, Spinning reds
Masquerade! Take your fill, let the spectacle astound you.
(Maquerade; from the Phantom Of The Opera soundtrack)

it's been a month since the 9.0 richter quake that caused the massive tsunami. did you know that there has been studies that actually shows how big a quake can be at certain places and where tsunamis might hit? if you own an atlas, you could probably check it out.

still sick.

i've actually been spending my whole morning writing about snot and sort-of-asthma in my diary. how about that?

anyways, love this song.. only felt like putting it down today. hihi.

Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Here's the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I picture me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
Guess you never felt that way

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you been gone (since you been gone)
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know) that I get
I get what I want

Since you been gone

you guys made me so proud!!!

hihi.
i was so happy that spider won the 19th juara lagu!! i mean, everyone thought misha was going home with the trophy but noooooo.. SPIDER DID!!!!
it's been months that i haven't heard this song, so when they performed that sunday night, a balloon kinda swelled up inside of me. it's like.. i was reminded of how much i love this song and it's just AWESOME that they won!! tam did a really great job, with his husky(?) voice that made him sound absolutely.. absolutely wonderful. it really seemed like he felt that song inside him.
but then, he did co-wrote that song!
but the song is just wonderful!! i'm in love! hihi.

me and the family spent the weekend at nina's place. the folks really missed izzati and i'm just excited to see how farhana's doing. izzati had been pretty naughty nowadays. she likes to hit her sister and seem to think that kissing her afterwards would make it okay. hihi. she's really cute, but NAUGHTY!! sangat sangat!! grrr.

okay. anyways. i can change from pleasant to foul with the speed of light, such as now. so i'm just going to say what's bugging me.
DUDEE!! STOP SUFFOCATING MEEEE!!!!!! YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND AND I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT YOU IN THAT MANNER!!! GODD, HELLPPPP!!!!!!

why, it's amazing what you can do when you're irritated, isn't it? 'coz right now.. i really don't care if he finds this blog. HAH-HA!
bluerrghhh! i'm really foul, aren't i? and what should be considered worse, i don't feel guilty at all.

"..just the way you are"

i had a very interesting day today. really!
but please people.. be a friend next time, and if you know that i was going out while i wasn't feeling too well and having my period, STOP ME! me, being sick is bad for the society. plus, i look horrible wandering around with tissue in my hands. unhygenic, absolutely.

today i went again to midvalley.. even after being nagged by mama for being sick and still stubborn to go ahead with my plan. hohohok! (gara gara ablen who told me that i should tell someone that i was going out, in case anything happens. grr)
anyways, if you were living in the south side of malaysia, surely you experienced the power surge! and yes.. i was inside megamall when it happened. i was only there for a couple of minutes when it happened, and gosh! if you've seen resident evil, 12:30 pm in megamall today strongly reminds me of it! ekkeke! did you know that there's this canvas divider/devider (spelling?) along the halls that would automatically come down when there's a power surge??? well, there is such thing and it got me a lil' panicky that i actually jogged towards the light from the center court's skylight! i end up feeling lame.
anyways, after about 30minutes wondering around in the darkness, watching some people walking headlong into other people, i stopped in front of tomei and sat. a few while later some stranger by the name of kak lin walk up to me and struck a conversation! about an hour talking to her, she asked me a question.. "what's a pretty girl like you doing here alone? takde boyfriend ke?"
HOHHOHOHOK!! even a stranger thinks i should have a boyfriend! ekkekeke! ntahpapentah.

anyways, after lunch i decided that i shouldn't go back yet so i actually went to catch a movie!! bridget jones:edge of reason!!!!! i reaaaally like colin firth!! no. i liiiike mark darcy!! no no.. i looove mark darcy!! i ADORE him!! his fantastic, fabulous, extremely charming and absolutely, totally handsome!! I WANT!! honestly, is there anyone out there such as him? i hope by i'm 26 i'm with someone like him. one incredibly sweet arse. ekkeke! he's just amazing! it's amazing if there's really someone who can still love bridget even with her blunders. absolutely AMAZING!!
both bridget jones are definitely on my list of favorite movies! hihi.

anyways, today i found out three things;
1. there is such thing as allergy to dusts, 'coz i'm having one right now.
2. a cute face and smile can really make people don't mind much about your silliness.
3. sickness makes me more emotional than i already am! i actually almost cried at this one part of the movie. hihi! i remember this one time when i had this really high fever that i thought i was going to die!
(well, the doctor didn't help that she panicked when she read the thermometer!!)

okay. better rest. since that high fever, i'm pretty much horrified of getting a fever again. i think my body is done with the little viruses that now, i only get the really horrible ones, thus.. really really high fever!
okay. stopping!

eh wait!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ORLANDO BLOOM!!!
okay, done!

die birds, die!

if they really had brains the size of a bird's brain, i wouldn't have been so pissed.
me, having a porky mouth is absolutely horibble. but the things that happens around me pretty much invites me to curse as much as i can!
but i've stopped saying "idiot" at home! hihi. that should count for something.

last night one makcik called me up and that was AWESOME!! i wrote this long email to my bestest friends and hanis actually called back!! cayang cayaaang~ :x really really miss the girls. anyways, then me and hanis spent the night talking through skype, merepek merepek and kutuk kutuk, yah hanis! hihi.
luv ya luv yaaa!!

i suppose today is not too bad either. just realized how many things should be done by next week though. that was unfavorable.
honestly i have nothing much to say about today!
just really looking forward to tomorrow 'coz tomorrow is thursday and i'm going to spend all day long just the way i want it to be spent!!! (my schedule is absolutely empty for tomorrow)

ME TIIIIMEE!! hihi.
currently loving this song.
Drowning by Missy Higgins

Maybe I'm just living out the same old stories in and out
But you know that don't make it easier
Time will fly away with me if truth won't stop and let me see
And tell me I am to believe that you and I should never be again

I'm drowning

When the one you leave is the one thing you believe
You say goodbye when underneath's your one belief
That love rules all, conquers all

Its funny how the times that seem unbearable
Are the ones that you don't ever want to end
And when your childhood slips away
You find you face a brand new day
And you know it can't be the same again

'Cause when you leave you stayed in my memory
You say goodbye for now and have a drink for us
And good luck and find your way

Clawing out will sometimes seem so far away
Never knowing if I'll live to see another day
Never seem to find out what to do
Noone seems to tell you
'Cause you're drowning

When the one you leave is the one thing you believe
You say goodbye when underneath's your one belief
That love rules all, conquers all

That love rules all, it conquers all

i'll be safe. :)

my life.

it's definitely half empty.
no. it's closer to three-quarters empty 'coz i actually spend 8 hours and possibly more of them trying to not be seen by people or acting like i don't see them. and what's lame, i don't even try looking at my feet when i walk! i'm not that kind of person, but i pretty much hate being recognized!
why?
i - don't - know!!
i freakin' don't know.

anyways, i am currently de-boys-ing. it's something like de-tox-ing but instead of toxins, it's boys. just because i found out that boys actually gets me some allergic reaction.

what do you see in me?

really.
honestly.

one of my resolution this year is to not get mixed up in the wrong places..
and yet, on the 7th day of the new year, i am tempted to.

right now i really wish i could talk to someone who really.. truly.. knows me.

dear,
i'd like to believe that honesty prevails..
but how you could make the truth becomes more complicated than conjuring a lie boggles my mind. i suppose i should be proud that there is someone like you out there.. believing in the better me all these while.
4 years have passed, and there you are.. standing right where i left you.
thank you for the flattery, thank you for your time, thank you for being there, but i'm really REALLY not ready for this. again.
no no no no NOOOOO!!!!

hope you understand.

Popular; Nada Surf

Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she prefers the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll appreciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends

I propose we support a one month limit on going steady
I think It will keep people more able to deal with weird situations
And get to know more people
I think if you're ready to go out with Jonnie
Now's the time to tell him about your one month limit
He won't mind he'll apreciate your fresh look on dating
And once you've dated someone else you can date him again
I'm sure he'll like it
Everyone will appreciate it
Your so novel, what a good idea
You can keep you time to your self
You don't need date insurance
You can go out with whoever you want to
Every boy, every boy, in the whole world could be yours
If you'll just listen to my plan
THE TEENAGE GUIDE TO POPULARITY!

this song is freakishly growing on me! hihi.

scream!

humm.. i wish i am not ruled by my angst like i am.
i was the idiot. sorry did!
hummph. and it took me the next day to apologize.
it's so hard to admit that i was wrong and horrible.. especially to you 'coz you're no angel either!
hehe.

felt like writing something out, but i can't seem to put them into words.
what i have right now is only thoughts.
thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts.

feels like going on another ME time, but can i afford that? hihi.

these days..

is there any point in questioning about it?
hummm..
yes, there is.

it's just reaaally hard to get good keepers these days, doesn't it?
now people, i AM talking about the recent tiger cup match between Malaysia and Indonesia.
THE KEEPER WAS HORRIBLE!! god! he's just absolutely HORRIBLE!! not just he's bad at keeping the net, his hair is even WORSE!! nothing i hate more than ugly long-haired males. i really really think it's YUCKY!!
what's with most of the players anyways! so that chindian, whatsisname? kit kong? something like that.. so i think he is a good player.. but his long hair? makes me cringe! urghh!!

okay, about the game. i think it's just typically malaysian to lose a game when everyone is just puting such hope on them. don't our national players just lose when they're almost at the top? badminton.. football.. they're all just the same! i don't blame the fact that there weren't too many supporters coming into the stadium at the beginning of the tournament.
our players really disappoints a lot.
sorry that i sound really negative about our sports scene. i was really disappointed with our team. the attackers were doing soo goood!!
and the defenders were just.. crappy!

moving along to another thing that disappoints me...
how could the disney channel move even stevens to 2:30 am?!!! urghhh! bencikbencikkk!!
(err.. i am having this silly crush over shia labeouf. hokhokhok!!)

okay okay! i should talk about something else that would maybe, probably make more sense than those i've written up there. hihhi.
people, let's say "welcome to the planet!" to Alia Farhana!! (been playing the first verse of Dare You To Move by Switchfoot ever since her birth!)

born on last monday, December 27th, has a cute dimple on her right cheek, and her voice is just tiny!! cute, adorable, and tinyyy!! she's just amazing! and izzati was amazing! she's at that stage where she just loves babies, and anytime she saw her baby sister, she would want to kiss her!! of course everyone would try to hold her so she wouldn't accidentally fall on farhana, but when anyone tries to stop her from kissing her sister, she'd get frustrated and prentends to cry!! hihi.
the two are really adorable. can't wait to see farhana when she's at izzati's age! and izzati.. gosh!! it could probably take a whole day to talk about her!! and she's just a year old!!! i can't get enough of izzati and farhana!!!
sure, i can't really babysit either of them 'coz i'm all play, ekkeke! they're really a challenge. okay. i should re-phrase that. IZZATI is a challenge. she's really no-rest, all-play, and just refuse to stay put! unless, you have a dairy milk chocolate in your hands to keep her occupied with.. until she gets enough of it!! hihi.
still.. i can't get enough of my two nieces!!!!
and if nina gets another girl after this, that's another set of the 'charmed one'!! hohhohok!

okay. enough of this babblebabble.
sorry (if applicable) for missing for a whole week! hihi. been spending most of the week in seremban. (if only the 'holidays' were longer! hihi)
and now i'm off to some 'me' time! hihi.

o yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!