the more i wait.. the more i wonder..

doesn't seem right but it is what it is..

feeling soo much like a lost cause.
have been for a while now, and i still haven't figure out what my next move is..

okay. done typing for the day.
(currently at the school library. not exactly the right place to stare at the screen while i think what i'd like to mumble next.)

my mom does a lot of gossiping.

WOMEN!
so i'm sitting here at my mom's desk at her office, practically freezing up all my bones. this was not how i planned to spend the day. i'd prefer jumping onto a plane and fly off to some foreign country! hohhohok! you know that's not going to happen anytime soon.

nothing much to tell at the moment. i'd rather spend writing my thoughts away in my scrapbook right now.
so...
here i go!

have a great day, visitors!

caffein - schmuck.

i've always loved the thought that caffein/coffee could help you stay awake.
but maybe to just some people, 'coz it does nothing for me!
but i still love the thought... hehe!

so today i went to class as usual.. feels a bit weird after the long long school break. i got too comfortable at home that the mere thought of sitting down and listening to some lecture just puts me off the mood.
but anyways! my dad said something that just forced me to pick myself up and got to class this morning.
class was a bore since i'm taking the subject that i've taken a year ago.

YES - i'm a repeat student.
NO - i'm not stupid. just reaaally lazy. but if you really think about it, me being lazy is quite a sign of stupidity. i mean, nobody should be lazy, yeah? but i picked lazy over 3D, so..
YEAH - i was pretty stupid.

all through class i was text-messaging cik ila; half-drawing, half-planning what we'd like to spend the afternoon doing.

so after my class was over, (errr..) we head on to midvalley and well.. just had lunch and fooled around in MPH Bookstore!! it's just odd how anyone could have such loads of laugh in there, but laugh we did!
might even go to Kinokuniya either tomorrow or the day after!
ME LOVE KINOKUNIYA!!!
can't wait 'til July 16th!! (but i guess i just have to deal with it!)

okay! err.. bye?

sports week.

the last weekend has been pretty much like an all-sports week for me.
i was catching up to golf, and there's that odd indianapolis F1 race.
both finals was this morning actually, so you have to understand just why my English is bound to be horrible this morn.

Tiger Woods lost to that Michael Campbell(?) person by three shots. quite a nobody, yeah? so happens he has been missing the cut for a couple of years and this year, he even won! i suppose this year's U.S Open was for the 'nobodies' to make their name. 'coz since the 2nd day, Jason Gore has been leading the pack. (i know - who??) by the end of the 4 days, Retief Goosen couldn't manage to defend his title and rest at +8, Gore at +14, Phil Mickelson +12, Woods at 2 over. quite a disappointment, but i guess you could say that the weekend belongs to Michael.

- Schumacher included. but the win was very disappointing. i mean, what's a race with only 6 cars on the track?! pathetic! as much as i like Ferrari to win, winning without a real competition is just SAD. just because of the safety issue about the Michelin tyres. honestly, i don't mind some bumping cars in the race! that's what makes the race more exciting! ekekke!! but it does bother me if Ralf is the one who keeps getting accidents. click here to read more.

i'm sorry if you got bored by the sports talk. to be honest, i'm not really sorry.. i just thought it'd be polite! hihhi. well you know, if you don't like what i write in here.. you can always visit somewhere else!
cheerio!

happy birthday nina!!

if i was to live a normal life.

okay okaay.. what is normal anyways?
i suppose my definition of normal is when everything is just what it seems.

my life hasn't been that way for a very long time. my life these days seemed more surreal. everyday i woke up to some serious thought that goes on through the day and made me feel like i've been dreaming all along.
is this by any chance, understandable to you?
some other times the thoughts i had through the day continues onto my dreams.
it's just.. weird.

on some lighter topic, don't you think i've been doing too much of this lately?
pondering on something i have no answer to, and write about it? i suppose i don't do these bits too often as i report my daily activities.

just last night i filled in my old man on my thoughts and in response, he asked me;
"how did your thoughts come to that?"
- i really don't know.
(i only asked for his view on God's plans when a child dies young.)
i suppose i ask too much.
i suppose it could be true that Sagittarians are philosophical and spiritual.

i do notice that i've been pointing at my date of birth at times like this.

"The Journal of the Late-Bloomer"

that would be a great title for my autobiography, wouldn't it?

insert laugh here you must think i have a really high imagination or just forget to rationalize. with this rate of 'maturity', i even wonder if i could be as successful to write myself an autobiography. or if i'd bloom at all!
what ever happens to the innocence of our wishes, eh? why do we keep rationalizing our hopes?
i should know because i'm doing it right now! i'm rationalizing to my most deepest, craziest desire - and i don't like it one bit! i'm practically putting myself down for the one thing i adore most!

when i was little - in standard school; as if on protocol, the teachers would ask, "what do you like to be when you grow up?"
so what do i want to be when i grow up this time? doctor? engineer? architect? honestly, when i was little, there was only 3 professions exists! ohh, add 'lawyer' to the very short list. i have to wonder why wasn't i told about the other jobs that are just as well paid and respectful!

you have to understand the disappointment i had when i realize how bad my memory was, to learn and remember little things meticulously if it might become a life and death situation. that just strikes off 'doctor' from the list. and i've never felt strongly for cars or machines, thus 'engineer' was struck off too. ohh, i have to mention that i was a lousy mathematician - still am, really! then i saw a ray of hope in law. i loved watching Ally McBeal so i gotta love law, right? WRONG! despite the fact that my mom once said that i'd be a great lawyer, it turned out that my quick wit and lightning-speed response in conversations was - as a matter of fact - just tactless sarcasm. that goes about right since i am after all a Sagittarius. then it's time to strike off 'architect'. buildings ARE fantastic! i have to admit that i'd truly enjoy travelling if only to watch the buildings. *sigh* too bad that the buildings that inspires me were the ones with historical values, and for me to to design a building just as moving as i was moved, i would have to become an architect about 200 years ago.

then i went through high school, my form five class teacher HAD to have the answer to that question again. imagine the pressure i had as i listened to 3/4 of my classmates answered breezily to the seemingly easy question before me. i have been reasoning with myself the whole period as the teacher goes through one by one student according to their seat placements. then she started on the final row, third desk from the back, right next to the window. (i must say, i had the BEST - but very distracting - seat in class.)

"Ida, what do you want to do when you finish school?"

errr.. probably something like computer design..?

i had NO CLUE what i had just said. after all, i haven't figured out what i really want to do right then, and i had to decide what i was going to do for life? computer design sounded fine at that time. i heard IT was going to be really huge! companies would open wide their arms for computer design graduates! (you wish!) after all, i love taking care of my website then. i did design the layout and the little buttons on it! i have mastered doodling on paper and it's only time someone should take it to the next level. i should be wonderful at this!
i was gifted.
at least, that was the idea!

little did i know what it was. it still is what it was - a HOBBY.
i am three years too late to realize this, of course. life could be really different if i hadn't taken this road.
i probably wouldn't mess up my computer over 'image-manipulator' softwares. i probably hadn't tried coffee in Starbucks. i wouldn't have known the people i've met in the last three years. you probably wouldn't find this blog on the internet!
but you know what? if i had to give back the last three years, there is this one thing that i certainly will be doing the same....

[it's been a really long time since i wrote something like this, hasn't it?]

3 years too late..

*sigh*
i wish i had thought about things earlier on. i suppose "we'll see how it goes" doesn't work too well with me.

this is not a very good day for me.
it was a little fun - but i didn't deserve to have any!!

okay, i'm so deprived of sleep for the last two days that 2 cups of caffe mocha from Delifrance and Starbucks couldn't even help. good thing that i'll get the rest that i need tonight! just can't wait to get back home!!! (i'm in KL right now)

dizzy dizzy.. @_@
and rather... terrified.

hummm..

i really had something to say just now but all seemed lost after reading this.. awkward entry a friend had posted on his journal. it's like one of those things that you wish you hadn't read 'coz now you're stuck to thinking about it.

i'd say.. knowing what you want it great.
but knowing EXACTLY what you want.. can become quite troublesome.
- as it has been for me. troublesome, but a bit.. satisfactory. hehhe!

i'm talking in circles!
anyways! today i went to campus and saw cik ila. we did some 'serious business', actually. i even went to ID studio and talked to mr fariz. huehhuehh. i like him-lah! not in that "wrong-exceed-student-teacher-boundaries" way, rest assure.. i find it comforting that he seemed to really want to help. me like nice people!
gives you hope for the whole world.

okay. i'm yapping unnessecarily again. me - out!!
(i think i'm actually missing the little fellas i'm actually missing..)

So Little Time by Arkarna

Took a while to drag me out of bed,
Aim some coffee at my head,
Saw the clock I'm running late,
It's an ordinary day.
And I'm like a dog on heat,
Knock one out and then fall asleep,
It's sad but true,
I'd rather be with you

Don't you forget about me,
When you're a celebrity,
It will be only you and me
Before too long.

So little time so much to do,
I rather spend my days with you,
So little time so much to do,
I'd like to spend one day with you,
And if that day is not enough,
Maybe we can stay in touch,
But i'm not making plans for tomorrow,
For tomorrow never comes.

Said I've been celibate for years,
Not out of choice theres no-one here,
See I can't give my end away,
Another ordinary day,
And I've love to see a little more of you,
You're clothes would look better on my bedroom floor,
bedroom floor,bedroom floor.

Don't you forget about me,
When you're a celebrity
I know you're busy,
But we all need somebody - before too long

So little time so much to do,
I'd rather spend my days with you,
So little time so much to do,
I'd like to spend one day with you,
And if that day is not enough,
Maybe we can stay in touch,
But i'm not making plans for tomorrow,
For tomorrow never comes.

Never comes
never comes
for tommorow
never comes

okay, let's break it down together now.

F1 in Canada last 2 nights.. must have been the best "show" yet! with all the incidents and drama. i saw the first black flag last night! i was telling my sister months ago how i've never seen the marshall waved around the black flag, but that night - they did!! to Montoya even!! wahhahhahahahha!! *very evil laugh* i know this seems SO biased, but i'm REALLY not fond of the "Monster" - or so he was called 2 seasons ago. haven't been winning podium much ever since, have he?
and the two Renault retirement - BRILLIANT!! ahahhaha!! i very much dislike Alonso for being the proud-pompous-racing git i've ever seen. it's not business - it's purely personal! ekekke!
so, in the end only 11 cars left on the track, with Kimi in first place, Michael second and Rubens third. i bet no one saw that one coming, yeah? hehhe! i'm surprisingly fine with Kimi getting the podium, actually. since last race's incident he had in the very final lap, i can't help but feel sorry for him. most probably because Alonso was the one who gained something from the incident!
and did you notice Malaysian own, Michelle Yeoh amongst the Ferrari crowd? hehhe!
ohh, the commentator said something really interesting last night; out of nine years the race have been held in the Canadian track, the safety car was released in seven of them. SEVEN!! just how much incidents can it handle?

so this last weekend has been pretty... illuminating. it's AMAZING how in-touch you actually are to your surroundings isn't it? i've had my more than two months of school break, but three days before new term starts.. three days.. my body decided that it should get down with a fever!! ekkeke!! just how much do you have to reject the inevitable? but i'm getting better as i am typing this out. (i BETTER be!) i have like a long list of to-do's just for today!

i read on Sunday Star about this Malaysian born writer; Tash Aw. humm.. what can i say, yeah? okay. honestly.. it was inspiring.. and i felt a bit.. disappointed for not knowing what i wanted to do when i was in school. Tash is now based in London, he just got his first book published by Harper Collins (which, if you're a fan of books, you'd know that it's a very well known publisher) and he actually studied law, but in his mind he'd always wanted to write. the feeling i have right now, would most probably close to envious! roawr!
ohh, and especially when i keep remembering how darned lucky Emerson (of Mugglenet) and Melissa (TLC) when Rowling called them personally and invited them to the press conference she's holding on July 17th!! (yes people.. i AM talking about Harry Potter again..)
JUST ONE MONTH AWAY!!
ohh, and i've seen a bit of the teaser of the movie and some small cuts of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire that's coming out this November and well, yet again, they are messing up the book again!! *sigh* a bit disappointing but being the dork that i am, you can be sure that i'll see the movie anyhow.

okay, so you are surrounded by the knowledge of how far people can get when they put their minds to it.
now don't you wonder why you are still where you exactly were and practically unmoved??

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n
~ Eloisa to Abelard by Alevander Pope

happy birthday, blog!
(it's been up and about for 3 years, yesterday. sorry that the layout hasn't been perfected yet. there's no frontpage on the pc i'm using at the moment, so i'm quite blind seeing too much of html tags in one day.)

one long post.

ohh, i apologize if my English turns out a bit crappy. it's been pretty rusty lately.

heyy there people!! i suppose i HAVE been missing typing my everyday out for everyone to read. (weirdo!) ooh~ and i'm also missing mugglenet and portkey!! the news i have missed, eek!!! anyways, just a week left to the long long school break. to tell you the truth, i think this has been the best school break yet!! i should've find a job to get a few bucks (at least that's the most rational thing to do with the 2 months break) but i had too much fun doing almost nothing, skipping my showers and just talk with my sister through the month! hehhe! and she's been bringing me along to some fun things like movies, shopping, karaoke and bowling!! (mind, i feel like i'm starting a writing version of Globe Trekker right now!)

karaoke is not my thing, though. as much as i like singing, i don't think my voice sounded for the better when it came out louder than it should have been. *sigh* but shopping, movies and bowling (in that order, please) are DEFINITELY what i wish to do for life! ekkeke!
ohh, and i bought - rephrase - Dida bought me Dan Brown's Deception Point and that concludes my collection of his works to date! he's a really good writer, i tell you! it's amazing how he can write a day's worth of events on 580+ pages! ekkekke! his stories were intense!! so if you like reading, Dan Brown's is a MUST!!
i also made Dida bought this cool book about Sagittarius and that one was really fun to read. and i suppose Kinokuniya are going to do something like what they did 2 years ago on the day Harry Potter came out! this is SO EXCITING!! and i've got this cool ticket from pre-booking. heehee! ME LIKE VERY MUCH!

i remember out all the albums i've ever bought all my life just to see how weird my taste were (and probably still are!) so i actually have two Chinese albums which were Zhao Wei's, one SMAP (Japanese band which one of the member was Takuya Kimura!), a Cardcaptor Sakura soundtrack, Cayote Ugly soundtrack, Pokemon First Movie soundtrack and Beautiful Life soundtrack. Two KRU and one Elite (wakkakakka!!) Two of Spice Girls, three of *NSYNC, one Britney, B*Witched, Westlife, Lifehouse, Brian McKnight, Linkin Park, Sixpence, Evanescence, New Found Glory and McFLY's All About You. ekkeke!! i think they were all too mixed matched for me to find out what my true favorite genre is.

okay, one social message; at Starbucks Coffee now you can buy this yellow rubber wristband cost RM5. by buying this wristband, you're actually supporting the National Cancer Society Malaysia. so people, this is a good cause! CELEBRATE LIFE!
hehe. i thought, if i've been supporting Comic Relief all this while, i should at least do something on my own land for once. :D

*sigh* a week left to the break. i'm sorry that it had to end.. o well! still many things to do, places to go.. take care people! see you guys soon!