Brown Penny

by William Butler Yeats

I whispered, ‘I am too young,’
And then, ‘I am old enough’;
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
‘Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.’
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

He was Irish.
And a Gemini.

Here's amusing..

The local news today had reported about the damage to the communication cables by the quake in Taiwan; so connections and communications around South East Asia would be interrupted for a couple of days as it'd probably take about 5 days to fix it.

Then the voice-over suggested that we should try not to open overseas websites and stop trying if you can't get connected to the person you're trying to call on the first try.

Unbelievable! Even if it makes any sense, at all.. the thought that the prime time news are telling you to practically stop trying to reach out for a bit of communication is just horrid!
Can they really expect anyone to listen to that?
I logged on as soon as they said that preposterous thing. Such a rebel.

I've come to terms that this blog probably wouldn't exist if I weren't sarcastic and cynical.

F*** Feelings?

I had a bad day today.
I spent 20 minutes of my train ride, writing heated words in my book so I could type it out once I got home. But then the internet was near to non-existant.
Thus giving me a LOT of time to mull things over.

And that brought me to the fact that 2006 is quickly to be replaced by 2007. (somehow!)
So here's a post mortem of my 2006 resolution. (hahh!)

1. If I found a grumpy yet endearing and handsome man like House, or a funny lad who laughs a lot like Danny, or someone typical looking yet charming like Mark Ruffalo, I promise I'd snag him up!
-- sigh. The man does not exist. 4 days left of the year but I doubt I'll get to meet him by then.

2. Stop picking my work and just get on with it a little faster than my usual comfortable pace.
-- hahha! Of course, when I wrote this I was referring to my job in Kinokuniya. Not too sure if I did any much change in my work ethics until my last day.. heehee.

3. Finally decide what I should do - study wise.
-- I think I have. I don't think I'll be enrolling myself to any school this time. Financially it wouldn't be wise as the only course I'd be interested in is not offered in any school in the country! (Well, that might be a nicer excuse than just saying "I'm too cool for school.")

4. Have a thousand in my account, entirely my money
-- Ohh, close! I did have RM700 at some point this year. But currently, I have a healthy RM11 to keep that account "active".

5. Write 300 pages of words.. by the end of the year.
-- errr.. I only managed to write on 56 pages of Moleskine.. OMG!! I am so behind my schedule!!

6. And you can't have a resolution without one that is deemed to be doomed; eat healthier, be nicer to people and not get too grumpy when I get disappointed.
-- Ohh, I know myself too well now. I definitely failed this one!

Okay! I have four more days to think of next year's resolutions. I have a couple of ideas so far. heehee.
Might.. oh fine, I will update the fotopages later tonight. (If the internet allows me, of course!)
ps: Sorry, I've tried uploading my photos twice but it kept showing me "the page cannot be displayed" crap.

I smell! --but not too much.

Woke up pretty darned early today 'cause I've made plans with my friends; to go back to my late grandparents' house in Bukit Kapar, Klang!
Since Alia, Farah and Zaki are big fans of durian, my dad had invited them for a visit. We were lucky that there were a couple of durians left since it's the end of the season!

We just got ourselves tired by walking around the grounds. I think Alia had a blast chatting with the rabbits. She even tried to make friends with the chickens!
We only left after eating some durian and rambutan.. and that's around two! My dad had told them about his siblings and such..
Quite a good visit, I'd say.

We did something more after we went back to Shah Alam so Alia could get her car.. but I'm too tired to write now. So maybe later.. if I feel like finally updating my fotopages, I'll let you know.

It's a small world after all!

This is a picture of my couzie, Hannah. But if you've seen my fotopages, and you look closely at this one.. you'll find some familiar faces in this shot.

Which I thought was AMAZING!!
There I was.. feeling sorry for myself for being stuck in the middle of a thick crowd of middle-aged women.. losing feeling of my legs due to lack of blood circulation. Then I turned to the door and saw two of my friends! I couldn't help pointing and gape. (Even Papa noticed from the other side of the room.) Just couldn't believe it.
All the while my mind was racing; I'm related, so what's their excuse?

Turns out Farah too was sort of related, which was so cool!! (Alia was there 'cause Farah dragged her to it.) But Farah seemed a lot more closer to the family than I am, heehee. No surprise there, of course!
The two sat with my family at the table and I must say, I really like the fact that my friends are NOTHING like me! hahha! They're very friendly and gave me some sort of a proud feeling to have introduced them to my parents. hihi.
Plus, they completely brighten up my dull night!! So, thanks you two!

Alright, that's it.
Not too sure when I'm going to update my fotopages. Kinda lazy these days.

Good ass mother liker.

I've got tears in my eyes!!

You can find more of Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry here, but my favourites are the one up there and the rap and the spoon bender. heehee.
Okay, haven't done much. My parents have gone to some wedding.. somewhere, and I managed to get myself excused! Although I wouldn't be able to be excused from another wedding tonight. Bluerghh!
How come I don't remember as many weddings taking place at the end of last year?? Just thinking about it makes me tired.

Kinda had a weird sort of dream last night. Doesn't make much sense either. Bluerghh! Then I woke up with my whole body aching. Fab!

Now I'm just browing through my mp3s, trying to figure out which songs I need to have in my phone so there'll be a soundtrack for my everyday stuff. So far I'm only certain to keep Jars Of Clay; because it sounds great while I was running, and K7; because somehow it makes everybody else moving to its beat.
Aaah.. my life is so exciting.

Sometime in the future, not now.. I will try taking another hiatus again (God knows how many times I've said that!) or just reduce my blogging to once/twice a week. Maybe January. So you guys might want to start looking for a more lively reading material now.

That's all for now. You have a good weekend!

Bluerghhh

I'm extremely annoyed, I can puke.

Friggin' friggin' annoyed!!
Of course, I can use a harsher word but I'll settle with "annoyed" for now.

I the company

Okay.. it's probably a bit late to say this, but Casino Royale was awesome!!
Finally saw it. Went to GSC earlier to redeem my free ticket since it's my birthday month. I had wanted to see Eragon at first because I don't think I'm ever going to read the book but the guy at the counter told me to choose one with an asterisk symbol; which I would've no problem with if I had known WHICH were the ones with the asterisks!
So the moment he said Casino Royale, I said, "yeah, I'll see that one."

So Daniel Craig is blonde. I hate that bit of fact since James Bond are usually dark haired. But as the film proceeds, I really couldn't care what his hair colour was. It was the best Bond movie to date! The women weren't easy or lame.. and Vesper was cool - up to the last 15 minutes of the film, of course.
Didn't exactly understand that elevator bit, though. Why laa the heck!

And!! I must say this..
The fact that the good guys in the film uses Sony Ericsson just wells me up with pride! *manic laugh* And I'm extremely psyched for having an excellent new company**. I almost lost myself** while I was in the train.
I know Work by Jars Of Clay sounds perfect while I was chasing the train, now!

Before the movie, while I was queing to get myself a drink, I bumped into an old school mate, Enny! Capricorn (yes, I remembered that bit even though I haven't seen her for ages!), not exactly my favourite person back in school. hahha! But she looked good, with a male friend. heehee.
It's awkward, meeting old mates, isn't it?

I also managed to walk around my favourite section of MPH. What did I see? Cecelia Ahern's new book!!! Darn it! And Mitch Albom's too!! Why did I ever went inside..
I've gotta learn to stop myself sometime.

**refer to the new Sony Ericsson TV ad which you can find right here.
Even though mine isn't a Sony Ericsson/Walkman per se, but pshhh! Minor details! heehee. A Sony, is a Sony and the sound is great!

Cheers!

Happy Birthdaayyy
Keith Richards, Steven Spielberg, Brad Pitt, DMX,
Bridie Carter, Katie Holmes and Christina Aguilera!

That's all..
kikkikiki!!

Knackered.

Two of my cousins on my mom's side got married in the past two weekends. A'id is a year older than me while Farizah is my age.
Seems like everybody's getting married young these days. Although everyone on my dad's side seems to be unaffected by this. They're still keeping the tradition of marrying "late" pretty alive! hahha!
Well, Nina got married when she was 25 and even then I thought that was too soon!

Feels like I'm leading a mediocre life now. (Has nothing to do with the weddings! That one was to dignify why I am so knackered.. too many weddings to attend - not that I was doing anything to help, but the awful heat sucked away all my energy.)
The mediocrity was out of the fact that I haven't done or accomplished anything that would make me feel like I should shout from the top of the building about it. So I really need to start writing again.

But my brain is stuck in a mud in the middle of nowhere and I can't get myself out to move forward. So really, all I need now is a rope and a compass and I'll soon be on my way.
Getting out of the mataphor.. All I need is one word that could lead me to write one good paragraph. I know that I need to find that word.

Aaah.. the fear of beginning a new year is creeping in now.
Good thing my cousins; Sarah and Hannah thought I was twenty last night. At least now I feel like I have an extra two years to catch up to the thing that I'm catching up to.

Now's the right time for me to fall off the chair.
You guys have a good week!

231

I do not want people to be very agreeable as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal

As much as I'd love to admit that I said that, it was Jane Austen.
But I think she had smartly described a bit of who I am.

Austen would've been 231 years old today if she is still alive.
So.. happy birthday, grandma!

The day after.

Okay. I'm feeling as normal as I possibly can, so I shall tell you what I did the entire of yesterday.
First thing, I woke up late because I got to sleep late! (yeah, what's new?) It was about noon when I finally picked myself up and asked my dad to drop me off at the commuter. Destination: KLCC. (why? No idea.) Well, honestly I was looking for a new pair of shoes. I saw one a while back and thought of buying it as my birthday treat. But! Naturally.. I couldn't find it any longer. Minus one luck/magic.

Then I went to Isetan and got myself some sushi there. But of course, it rained in the afternoon so there is no way I could sit quietly at the park enjoying the bliss. Minus two luck/magic.
My mom called while I was in there and asked if I wanted to come home with her; practically threatened me that if I refused, I won't get my birthday present.

Before heading to Putra, I stopped by at Nose and see if there's anything I can indulge myself with. Then I saw this pair of really shiny red heels. I must've stared at it for a full minute before asking the sales person if they had it in size six. He replied, "size 9 only."
Minus three.

I managed to amuse myself a bit while I was coming down the escalator. I overheard two boys, a little younger than me.. trying to decide if they should go to Coffee Bean or Starbucks instead.

Once I got to Putra station, I had the sudden urge to look at my ticket. Guess what? The fella at the counter had ketuk (cheated) me 30cents! He only returned 20cents back to me when it was supposed to be 50cents. Curse him for taking an advantage over my absent mindedness!
O well.. minus four there. Ohh, and I spent 45minutes there by myself waiting for my mom and sister. Minus four and a half, then.
Tried killing time by calling up my dad for a bit of chat while thinking.. Mama's pressie better be gooood.

I was talking to Nina while we were waiting for the train so Mama only showed me her present once we got on the train. (Nina had to wait a bit longer since she's heading to Seremban.)
Ohh, our train stopped about 20minutes in the middle of the journey by the way. Made me miss 15minutes of Wedding's final episode. hahha!! Minus five?

Dida called.. and talked about something that's been upsetting her. Although it's basically her problem, that's minus six for the fact that it happened on my supposedly day!

Then the parents and I went out for dinner. Ordered shrimps fried in flour (sorry, don't know how else I could call it) but as our drinks arrived, the waiter informed us that they ran out of shrimps!
Minus seven, boys and girls..

So have we had enough of unfortunate events? heehee. I must say, Friday 13th is NOTHING compared to what I had yesterday.. Even talking about it right now is upsetting me. Slightly. Maybe I've been naughty this year, which is a completely plausible reason!

One good thing did happen yesterday.. The pressie from Mama was gooood! Thus making me worry.. How will I be able to pick a fight with her now! Mannnn! heeheee

Birthday wish.

Maybe I'll get to celebrate my 25th in something sexy like this pair of $690 Christian Louboutin's suede peep-toe pumps. Suppose it's weird that I would wish for shoes but I need to own a pair of Louboutin's by then. Let's just say that it's one of my atypical goals. heehee.

But being the out of job 22 year-old today, I'm just as pleased to settle for.. err.. what ever it is that I had spent the day doing! hahha!
Unfortunately there wasn't any magic on my day but I won't say much about it right now for fear of upsetting myself! heeheee!

Thank you so much to those who had wished me.. Shahnon, Bahijah, Ziad, Dayat, Ana, Ablen, Muz, Dar, Ayin, Asha and Nur. heehee! Arep who sang to me.. Pet for calling all the way from over there.. Hanis for the e-card.. and especially to Cik Alia and Farah who came over and completely surprised me! Ohh you two and my sneaky father.. heehee! You guys are the best! I really tasted the love from that very chocolatey cake! There isn't enough thank you in the world to say to you.

My dad had asked me in a hug, if I had set a goal to reach by my next birthday - and one thing automatically came to mind. So yes, I have one. And it's not just a pair of 'spensive shoes. heehee.

So.. what about being 22?
I'm sure maturity will kick in one of these days..

I wonder..

Have I always been this miserable in December? I mean, if it's been sucky.. how come I don't remember it actually being sucky?

Maybe because it's only my favourite month, so I expect a lot from it.. and small, measly things are enough to distress me to the verge of crying.
Like today, when I can't find my bra. Or yesterday when I can't find my panties.. and the day before that when I can't find my jammy-pants. All this actually result to me feeling like my life is screwed!

Horrible.. this is horrible!
I'm freakin' tired of feeling screwed. Especially since it's December and I really feel screwed! It can't be good if I talk about death a lot more than I usually do. I mean, how morbid can one get??

Thought for the week.

As awful sort of a person I am.. and as liberal as my thoughts are (sometimes!) about God.. I do believe in God.
I believe that He knows every bit of me and every impure thoughts that I had.. had not been a secret to Him.

So it's weird now to think that all this time, I've been talking to Him as if He was a friend. Those white lies I told.. He'd shook His head but understood perfectly. Every silly promises I made that made me laugh.. I'd imagine He'd think it was just as funny.
Is that in any way - right?
I don't think anybody else thinks God as easy-going as I had thought.

But then again, who really knows about God?
What's important is my faith in Him and though I'm not exactly religious.. pray as much as I should have.. I appreciate the life I've been given in my own ways.

I am.. a bit "liberal" I suppose. I've had my share of times people nagging on me about what I should and shouldn't do. Those people can just stick their self-righteousness up their own backs, for all I care.
But I like my God. He's just, all-knowing, and shall punish me rightfully. I deserve it, but I believe with all my heart... that He's a friend.

Not sure if anyone catches the point of this entry, but I do, and so did He. That's all that matters. For what ever reason I just needed to put it out there.

Why is it..

Sometimes.. you thought you were having a conversation with someone.. but turns out you were talking to the wall after all!

I've been having that lately.
So annoying.

This is just not my day, my friend.

edited at 9pm
I'm probably going off my rockers. Feels like on the verge of depression just because Nina can't find the pen I'd left at her house yesterday. The stupid thing is that she's glad to give me her pen.. the same exact model and everything. Still.. I am feeling extremely sad that I'd lost my pen! Thinking that Nina giving me hers is beside the point!
How dumb is that?
What is "the point", exactly??? I don't even know!!
Sometimes I just don't know why I go all psychotic.

Those disfunctional things.

Went to Seremban earlier to see how Farhana was doing. She'd been hospitalized for a full week and only returned home last night. Nina didn't go to work for just as long, thus giving her the time to finally feel the same amount of frustration as I had felt when she finally finished reading Rosie Dunne. hahha! She had that book for months!!
The kid was fine by the way, playing along with Izzati like nothing ever happened. heehee.

If there's anything that I'm really thankful for, it'll be the fact that I get along with my sisters so well. The fact that we can easily talk about how disfunctional our family really is. heehee. As Nina and I did sometime in the late afternoon today.
Funny how we psychoanalyze ourselves so effortlessly as if we were just pointing at a massive zit on the face. Aaah.. it's just amazing how your surroundings while you were growing up influenced the person that you've become.
I should probably brought up that subject when I see Nina again.

We left around 7, and I absent mindedly left my black pen there! Or maybe it slipped out of my bag and dropped somewhere, but God, NO!! And I also forgot to ask for my book! hahha! Maan.. I hate forgetting things.

Anyway, can't stop listening to this song. It's Take That, amazingly they're back and sounded just as great!! Typically, I like the lyrics most.

Hating my English now. Maybe 'cause I'm sleepy.

Thought for the week.

What is the worst thing that could happen to you?
Mine would be if I slipped in the bathroom and cracked my head open and nobody knew that I was bleeding to death. My dad reading the paper while my mom watches the telly and at some point, one of them would think aloud about how odd it was for me to take such a long shower.

My dad reckons that something is wrong if anybody keeps thinking of ways to die. I don't think I'm depressed - I'd know if I'm depressed. But morbid thoughts comes just as easily as a happy thought would come to my mind.
Talk about an obsession for fairness. hahh!

Saw a brilliant movie late last night. It's called Before Sunset and the entire movie was about this pair of old mates, walking around Paris, just talking. Can you imagine?? A bit over an hour of Ethan Hawke and this woman (can't remember the name, but she's probably French) just walking.. and talking.
And I find it illuminating! It's amazing!!
edited sometime later
Before Sunset is actually a sequel to 1995's Before Sunrise, with the same main cast, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. God, I wish I'd get to catch that one sometime before I die. heh!

Okay. That's about it for now.
Catch me later!

Winter breaks are mean.

Dates of when my favourite shows will be back;

Brothers & Sisters - January 7th
House - January 9th
Grey's Anatomy - January 11th
One Tree Hill - January 17th
Heroes - January 22nd
Gilmore Girls - January 23rd
Prison Break - January 29th
Lost - February 7th

As you can see, I have nothing better to blog about.

An achievement!!

I got into the shower today after God knows how long. My armpits were.. embarassingly "French". If you have no idea what that means, let me put it in this dramatic way;
an ant would've been easily lost in there.
hahahhahaha!!

I'm still coughing horribly that sometimes I wish I was dead - depressing, I know.

Went out with my dad today, which I thought was an achievement since I haven't set foot on the ground for weeks! (Or so it had felt.)

Gotta dash now! The dad needs to use the computer to help the sister out with some things but the internet was plain dumb a second ago.

Oh Peter!

It's you.
It can't be you!
*sigh*

Okay, I'm definitely loving Heroes. It's very cleverly plotted and the first station that will air it on Malaysian television will be just as clever! I mean, come on! Lost gets on your nerves with their twisted plot lines after a while.. but Heroes.. man, Heroes is smart!
I'll bite my nails 'til I know what happens next in January then. eeeeek! Winter Breaks are mean!

My parents had been nagging about how my cough hasn't go away yet. They're making it as if it's my fault and I have no idea how they've gotten that idea.

No special thoughts today. heehee.
Ablen, heppy birthday!!

Thought for the day..

The important thing in a relationship is the want of being in one.

And the ability to keep a straight face when you talk about one. heehee.

So cheers to those who are in a healthy sort of a relationship, and cheers to those who are just fine as single as they are!

Thought for the day..

What would you eat when you have absolutely no appetite and had been spending the last five days eating almost nothing yet trying to make the metal-like taste that's been lingering on your tongue go away?

And jello is no longer an option because you've got yourself worried the last time you joked about getting diabetes.
It really isn't funny when your body is deteriorating.
(You can only joke about yourself so far..)

edited at 9:22pm
Ate a Quarter Pounder for dinner. It tasted so funky, I had no idea how I managed to eat as much as I did..

Surprising..

I just realized that I actually have a Multiply account!! hahha! I didn't remember about having it at all.
Anyways, I deleted it of course. I'm fine with Friendster and Lifelogger, and I can't honestly say that I care for half of all on my friends list.

Earlier I asked my dad if he thought I was still having a fever. Instead of putting his hand on my forehead; acting like the human thermometer, he just looked at me and said I was fine. I asked him how would he know?
He simply answered that if I was still unwell, I wouldn't be smiling.
heehee!

I must say, the attention I get from the parents these past couple of days was kind of nice! Now that I'm only reduced to some throat-aching coughs, I'm starting to miss the special treatments! hahha! (What a brat..)

One thing about getting sick though. I wouldn't have to worry about how much carbs I'm taking since I don't eat anything at all! It's been three days of "crash diet" for me. Been sustaining myself with jellos, believe it or not. So in the future I'd probably end up thin - but diabetic! Excellent.

Okay. Going to watch Grey's Anatomy now and then straight to bed! Wouldn't want to have a relapse. heh! Plus the sound of my lungs purring just gets to me. At least I won't hear it when I'm asleep.

Be well, everyone!

ps: The Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix trailer just gave me the chills!! Ooh! Can't wait 'til July 13th!

Hellooo December!

We meet again.
It's been a full year and I've missed you, old friend.

I think all relationships should be like this; full of surprises, always something new to learn. Just remember last year's tears that I shed for the almost-horrible birthday! It started awful in the beginning but you made it up right in the end.
And now you're still.. my favourite month.

Oh, always.. always..



ps: 4x09 of One Tree Hill was absolutely brilliant!! Somehow it surpassed House's exceptional crankiness in 3x09. hahha!

Today!

Winston Churchill.. the amazingly inspiring statesman was born on this day.
And so was Ana!!!

Heppy birthday Anaa!

Hope you're having fun at the party.. and for the rest of the year until your next birthday! heehee.
Amacam Ana? Akan se-femes Churchill kah kamu? ekkeke!

When things aren't right.

It simply means that things are wrong.

Feeling super woozy. I probably should start to worry that I get sick so easy these days. And my cough is not helping either. Everytime I cough, it'll only get my head aches even more. Just fab!
I tried cooling off my burning head with those cool-blue thingies, but all it did was steam it instead.

What an awful week to get sick. How I wish I was fine!!
Got to go now. I can barely feel my fingers.

Ah mann...

These people can't dance to save their lives!
Or maybe they should find a better choreographer.
..But I find immense pleasure watching them! hahha! There's something on it that keeps on feeding my curiosity. (The show, I mean - not just the opening theme!)

Geez. 2000 can't happen again!!!

Hello, stupid.

Happy Monday everyone!
It's kind of odd to be excited about "Monday" but I was.. and am excited that it's Monday! A new week! Mainly because there'll be a new episode of Wedding on telly.. and some other shows that I shall download through out the week! Just looking forward to some, more than others.
(Horrible, my day's happiness depends on tv shows! hahha!)

Of course, I expect everyone to understand that that is only an exaggeration of what it really is. I'd honestly be disappointed if anyone would take my words by every single word. Okay, maybe not really disappointed, but I'd probably call you "stupid". (sorry, a bit harsh I know.)

The weekend was alright. Me and my parents went to eat in Eden Restaurant in Subang for the first time and though my mind wasn't completely in it, but I have a new respect for one of my cousins who happens to work in the kitchen there.
We were leaving when he caught up to us for a bit of chat. At one point, his phone rang and to my absolute surprise, he made no such move for it. He ignored the ring and focused entirely on us. So cool!!

I have never met anyone my age who is capable of ignoring their phones. I mean, seriously.. Have you? That was just so cool. I couldn't possibly count the times where a conversation was interrupted when a friend's phone rang and they decided to answer it instead of finishing their words.
But Hafiz was so cool!

Sunday we (me and the parents again, who else?) went to Seremban to see Nina.. mostly because Mama have been missing the Kiddies so much.
I really like Nina's layout for the living room. So appropriate for entertaining guests.

Okay, better dash now or Papa will think that I didn't want the burger he just did for our late lunch!
Have a good week, everyone!
I'm honestly a tad nervous about Friday.. but I really shouldn't, right? Geez..

ps: Actually I have met someone else who managed to ignore the ring of a phone. Just one other, though. I couldn't help being impressed then, either.
pps: Christiano Ronaldo is still a knob.

Stages of grieving.

There are five;

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Well, I'm not sure where I am now cause it changes every hour!
But I'm over denial, that's for sure. I think I'm in between bargaining and acceptance. I know I'm too tired and numb to be depressed, so I'm just bargaining my next move so I can accept - but with a sprinkle of anger at myself for losing my cool the other day. haha!
Yeah, that's it.

It's the breathing..

They're telling my story. This is so my song! (Well, among the bunch of a long list of songs that is also mine. heehee)
Psycho-analyze me if you wish.
Freud would be proud if you get it right.
I on the other hand is doubtful that anyone will ever get anywhere near it.
So I say quit while you're still ahead.

Have a good day, guys.

An honest truth.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosphy, like art.. It has no survival value, rather it is one of those things that gives value to survival.

I keep everyone in a distance. My good friends would know that since they've experienced it themselves. Always, an arm's length.
It is so if anything bad happens, I wouldn't care. So if I lose one, I wouldn't have to make a fuss over it. So if an evil man and his minion took my friends as a hostage, I wouldn't have to be a hero and get myself hurt.

It's true what a friend had said before, I am rather cold.
I will care for as long as they are still my friends. But when they're not, you won't see me worked up about it. I will miss them later, but I won't ever be the one who'd run to look for them. What was lost.. will forever be lost.

So I'd like to apologize in advance to all my friends whom hadn't known of this before. Maybe you haven't been close enough to see it first hand.
Today I woke up resolute to place another brick on the wall. It saddens me for the fact that we weren't in the fields anymore. But most of all I'm sad that I can't fix my heart out of the doubt.

I'd say doubt is my worst enemy. Well, next to myself of course.

You can't read my thoughts after all.
While you.. you need to get over yourself and leave me alone. Go cuckoo on someone else already.

Feels like The O.C.

hahha!
Too much drama, I mean..

But I have to wonder.. I can never tell which was even more dramatic.. The O.C or One Tree Hill? I never actually follow The O.C to begin with.. heehee.

I was offended in so many ways (well, just as far as I let it get to me) but it made no sense to say much when the other party wouldn't - couldn't listen. Oh well, it was unfortunate that I was unneccesarily bugged and bothered about something tonight, but it was settled and I feel better now.
I was asked to forget (not forgive, good one!) and I will.
Good thing I've always been good at forgetting things..
and how some things are simply, forgettable.

Taking the high road now.

Dude..

You're sad.. seriously.
Pathetic even. Most tiring, actually.

Ever heard of the term self righteous?
It's when you think that you know you make mistakes.. but you believe that other people makes more mistakes than you do.. and you yacked about it!
In other words; you are so much better than everyone else. But if somehow you know a fraction of humility.. you are a bit better than everyone else!

Question: Can you name one person that you look up to, or at least considered as an equal - and the person must not be a family member, and you're not imagining yourself marrying that person.

I honestly don't know what's wrong with this month! The people that I used to like turned out to be quite ugly these days. I'm disappointed.
I'm more disappointed than anything else. It gets worse when my disappointment was taken as criticism. Just a criticism.

Please please learn something from this.
You are not my friend. I don't give a rat's ass about you. But the world needs less of this.

I must be running out of luck for having to meet two in a lifetime.

ps: I know this entry seemed self-righteous by itself, but take note that I'm referring this to ONE person so it means that I think I am a better human being than this person.. heehee. Not everyone else!

Just because..

It's hopeless..

I just can't wait so I had to look for the ending to that Korean drama on 8tv, Wedding. Just can't help it!! There weren't too many people talking about the ending though, so it was really hard to find if it was a good ending or not.
And though I've found it last night.. I still feel a bit bad at how things are going currently. It seemed a little too familiar somehow. Today's was the 8th episode by the way.
10 more to go.
Good thing it's a short series.

Okay. Gotta go quick so I can let Mama use the laptop and the sooner she gets off it, the sooner I can turn on the download. (So happens the connection gets really slow if it's turned on! Seems like the whole connection gets focused on that thing.)
Can't wait to see Heroes!!!!!!!!! (Reading last night's review.. Hopeless, I say.)

Cognitive behavior.

Can I say that I've been thinking and not at all share my thoughts with you?
Just that a while ago Rai said that I am most myself when I'm writing.
And I'd rather not have him being right!
hahha!!

Yeayy for ice creams!

They've been my temporary cure for my sore throat and it's been awesome!!
Note: I only ate the citrusy ones so no fattening stuff there!

Earlier Papa told me about something he read from the paper, (it's the only way I get my news these days!) it was about some kids jumped off their school ledge to celebrate the end of school. There were three of them; two jumped off the first floor and came out unscratched. The other decided to jump from the second floor and ended up breaking his leg.
Then Papa told me that that kid was a prefect and had got 5As.

I laughed and said that was cool and Mama and Papa teamed up to tell me it was anything but cool. They said it was stupid.. yadaa yadaaa. Well, the way I see it, the poor kid probably spent the rest of the year studying and be a good boy so I completely get if he decided to go crazy after he finished his exams! hahha! I mean, just look at it.. now he have a really good story to tell!

So Papa was surprised that I was amused by a mere story but heyy.. The kid only broke his leg. And Mama said "what if it wasn't just a leg.. blablaa.."
Well, "what if" didn't happen obviously!

If the kid had gotten any less than 5As, I'd probably call him stupid too.. But he turned out to be smart.
So he's a prefect and clever.. and the fact that he went nuts on certain occasions made him seem like a pretty fine lad!
I know I'd admire a guy with a story like that! hahha! Come on, this kid is cool!

Ohh.. but Papa told me this; "don't go encouraging your friends to jump off a building,".
So friends.. I am NOT writing this to tell you jumping off a building makes you cool. I'm saying that jumping off a building and coming out almost unharmed might make you cool.. hahha!!
Please note that it's never good to listen to me. I'm not exactly your average normal person.
Anyway, Papa said he was glad I am no longer in school. heehee.

I had to change my Yahoo! password just now. It's so freaky, I can't log on to my Mail or Messenger with my password and I am just so glad that I got the secret question right! hahha!! Funny.

Okay. That's it for now. 'Til later everyone!

On an odd twist of fate..

Happy birthday ma!!

Of course she doesn't read this blog. (Couldn't be bothered with, I'd say.)
But my mom is.. my mom.
And her birthday's today.
Thus, I'll make nice.

Wish Dida was here..

Or I was with her.. doesn't matter.

Having a horrible night because my mom is SO FRIGGIN' ANNOYING!!!
Y'know how I'm afraid of going senile in the future?
This will be one of the things that'll lead me to it.
And this is just why I am a firm believer of Freudian theories.
And I cannot joke about going senile.
See, this is why I don't get too friendly with Scorpios.
Sometimes I wish she just hates me instead of her being HER.

The price of giving a rat's ass.
You just turn out rather moronic and harsh.

Sore throat.

I'm having that. But I think it's more than just a sore.. more like an "ache" type. Just horrible.

Earlier I went to Amadsyah's open house with Alia. The first things he said to me was "Ablen tunggu tadi.." hahha!! I honestly don't know the truth of it but I personally chose not to believe it since I just hate the idea of anyone waiting for me, thank you very much!
Saw Ziadora after so soo long and it surprises me that she didn't seem as tall as she was back in high school. She reckoned I grew tall - it must be, since the thought of Ziad shrinking is too funny! Btw, I called her wantan the very second I saw her at the door!
Ohh, I think I was kinda mean to one of Amadsyah's friends but I think he deserved it. hahha!! I just couldn't tolerate lame jokes..

We (Alia and I) left about half past seven and headed to McD's to grab some ice creams.. and chat a bit! She told me one of her funny dreams that I am too embarrassed to tell over here! Merepek sangat.. I must forget about it as soon as possible before I get myself into a giggling fit!

That's just about it. Almost everything I did today.
I have to lie down now.. my head is feeling rather heavy and warm. sigh.
Have a good Sunday everyone!

ps: Ronaldo is a knob. (Cristiano Ronaldo, I mean.)
pps: George Lazenby on On Her Majesty's Secret Service is the worst of all Bonds so far! Honestly, I have no idea why the whole production made James Bond so out of character! Seriously!

ROFL! Seriously.

Stanley Tucci?? Seriously!!
FYI, I am currently watching that new medical show on CBS; 3lbs.
I can't begin to tell you what's worse.. the funny looking "serious" doctor whom has a "secret" of some sort who is distant or the enthusiastic new fellow.. or that British woman.. or the soundtrack through out the show!
Come on!!
Seriously?
"Wires in a box". Oh right.. Make things as simple as "everybody lies". Seriously!

Seriously??? Unbelievable!
They're even using House's Massive Attack theme song! This is ROBBERY I tell you!
Ohh, this show will definitely NOT be one of my faves! Just hate the idea of a House clone. bluerghhh!

Plus.. the songs played on the show were too commercial for my taste. heh!

Top 10 (unhealthy) foods.

1. Famous Amos cookies
2. Lays Cream and Onion (was it??)
3. Lasagna
4. Potatoes.. (in any dressing, really!)
5. Mac and cheese!!
6. any pasta in carbonara sauce
7. that something-Praline flavoured ice cream at Baskin Robbins
8. California Roll
9. Belgian waffles (curses! I miss those.)
10. Whipped cream?

I hope you're not mistaking this and tell your friends that these are the "world's most unhealthy food" because I doubt it really is. I'm just pointing out that my favourite foods happens to be not too healthy. Alright?

So there'll be a meteor shower on Saturday night. Best seen if you're in North America or West Europe.
Ohh do you see me turning green?

Professor Moody.

Suddenly wondering.. why was he named Moody? It wasn't like he was moody. Creepy at times, yes but never moody.
Constant vigilance!

Okay, nothing much to update about but I'm updating anyway so I won't become like one of those blog owners that doesn't seem to be updating their blog any time soon. All I have to share is some boring.. boring thoughts so just bear with me, yeah?

As always, downloaded my favourite shows and this week's House was brilliant! And Heroes.. that is seriously becoming one of my favourite shows. Then there was this drama, Brothers and Sisters which I mostly like because of this gay brother. Him and his gay friend just have the best lines, I tell you! Really like the apology on last Sunday's episode.
I heard that CBS is introducing a new show called 3lbs that reminded everyone of House!! hahha! So I think I'll see a bit of that sometime in the future just so I can diss the idea properly.

I've been rereading Harry Potter books lately and right now I'm reading the first one. Just because I was bored and I couldn't find my own idea to write..
Funny how light Harry's problems were in his first year in Hogwarts.. to think that he won't be coming back for the seventh (as if it mattered!) is a bit disturbing.

Alright, enough boring you with mindless details.
I'm boring myself, that's for sure and that's all that I cared about actually! (Not ready to collect my very own fans just yet.)

What's frustrating?

Only three cookies left after barely 3 days of buying them. And Papa only took two!! Famous Amos cookies are probably my worst vice. I just can't say no to it. The fact that it's RM15 for 200 grams is probably a blessing in disguise.
Having a bit of a flu.. So I'm rather touchy and irritable.
Mostly because there isn't enough blood flowing through my hands and it's making them numb. Plus the sneezing. It's too much, even for me.

I'm tired.

Has anyone ever thought of that?

I didn't lie in my Friendster when I say I didn't appreciate stupidity. I can barely tolerate it.

to couzie, "this is SO going into my blog!"

Finally a chirpier entry worth writing.
We'll start in a chronological order, yeah?

Went to sleep around 5am last night. We blame Star Movies for having those James Bond movies marathon! Unfortunately I didn't get to see all five of them; it was getting too late and I had to go to sleep. So me and my dad watched Dr. No (which was apparently a Chinese name!), From Russia With Love (which was slightly better than the first movie) and Goldfinger (which by then I couldn't stop laughing by how EASY those women were!!). Come on! It's degrading, honestly!
And there was this Bond girl in Goldfinger named Pussy Galore!! Seriously! What mother in her right mind would name her child Pussy! Especially with that last name of hers! I just couldn't take any of her lines seriously afterwards. Couldn't decide between the humour and the derogatory.

Morning came and I went out and meet up Dayat.
We did nothing much but had lunch and walked around the mall looking at shoes and bags. (Darn those shoes that looked good on me! Now I can't stop imagining having them!) Well, there was something more to it but I'm too tired to yack on about it here.

We part ways around 4pm and I was lucky enough to meet this one talkative female on the commuter who had no problem sharing a bit of her life with me. Really amusing. Really. Didn't asked her zodiac sign though.. don't know why. Probably 'cause I was too shocked that she's 21 and married! Wouldn't want to get more shocked if she turned out to be a Sagi! (but I doubt it!) HAHHA!!

After my parents picked me up from the commuter station, we went around Shah Alam to get some things before heading to Cik Jib's house for dinner with the rest of the extended family. (Really nice, btw!)
After a while and the night went on, Iqbal got a little cranky and he needed his dose of Power Rangers!

Which me and Sarah just couldn't stop ourselves from laughing at the "blast from the past". Ohh, I feel old. heehee.

And now I am feeling horribly tired! Wish I could take off my shoulders and put it aside for a bit.
Hope you'll have a good one, everybody!

ps: I probably should note to myself that today, I realize that I am extremely spoilt! Horrible!

You know what?

I think, above all.. I am angry.
It feels so wrong that it's giving me an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, I used to be fine.. not a care in the world.
The unfortunate truth is that I actually do.
Your happiness mocks my frustration.

Curse Grey's Anatomy for making me think!
Things are making much more sense these days. It's pathetic to think that it took me all these while to accept. The power of denial. heh.
Guess I never really healed. Forgetfulness only took you so far.
Idiotic, isn't it? Letting such a minor thing change you.. forever. Just admitting to that is making me sick! (My ego is a lot more idiotic, if you hadn't noticed.)

No wonder I understood miserable.. distant.. detached people so much better than I understood the happy ones. They're freaks! hahha! Sometimes I wonder how people can laugh so much. Then I'd think to myself if I was anything like that once. I honestly can't remember. Don't get me wrong, I admire those who are nice.. ones who truly cared. But sometimes it's a bit tiring to cope with them - and exceptionally annoying when they tried to recruit you to the bright side.

Well, all I want now is for the ache to go away so the headache too will stop.

"Some wounds run deeper than you can imagine. You can't see them with the naked eye. And then there are wounds that take us by surprise. The truth with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find the real source of the injury. And once you've found it, try like hell to heal that sucker."

ps: I did another quiz on Tickle and apparently I'm the perfect candidate for a cognitive behavioral therapy. Great!

hahahha!!

It's almost half past three and I am in a giggling fit!


Sorry I'm biased and I'm so easily amused, it's shameful.
This is McFly with Star Girl by the way..

What a riot!!

This is just too funny!
Korang berdua.. seriously gedik!

Jude Law.

Amusing quiz on Tickle.. It's called Who's the Man of Your Dreams? And apparently, the man of my dreams would be a secret agent!!

Mystery and intrigue — it's not just for action-adventure movies. It's what you are looking for in life and love. From spontaneous weekend getaways to notes stuck in your jean pockets, you love being surprised and appreciate the extra thought and effort that goes into making it happen.
That's why a secret agent could steal your heart — he's got what it takes to change the world, but he's not about to go around shouting about it.

Great. Finally got that figured out. Now all I need is to be introduced to a secret agent! Know where I can find one?
Dida, don't joke about an SB 'cause there's no way I can take a real SB seriously after this! ekkeke!! Lagi lagi tengok Papa and his friends. Cam tak larat! ahhaha!

Talking about Papa, he's down with a nasty fever and it got me a little disoriented. Just seeing him unwell is so.. wrong! I find that I get disoriented everytime Papa or Mama gets unwell. I guess its times like this when my head goes on a haywire.
Would you believe it if I say that everytime my dad coughs, I'd immediately think to myself if I can do a proper CPR! hahha! Stupid, I know.. just an example of how my head works.

Been a little off since I woke up yesterday. I had a smart sort of a character saying something really interesting in my dream and it just had me thinking ever since. (haywire, I said.)
Then I saw Alfie on HBO and that got me thinking! Seriously.. if only our brains are actually capable of being full but apparently we never really stop learning, do we?

Because I'm bored, I'm going to show you what's in my bag; tubes of lipgloss and lipstick, pen, Moleskine, keys, post-its, blablablaa..

Alright, got to go so I can write morbid thoughts in my Moleskine.

Time's running out!!

Alright people.. not much time left!


You have a little over a day to contribute and you wouldn't want to miss the fun! It's time that you search for those old photos or videos stuck between the forgotten files in your hard drive to upload for the time capsule. Heck! If you don't feel like doing that, share some words of wisdom instead! Better yet, if you can do miracles with your mouse, draw!

Contribute.

Motion In The Ocean

*giggle* I hate McFly's new logo.. and the fact they're a bit different now.
But I can't help getting their new album! Yeayy!!
Downloaded it of course.. NOT my fault that their albums are SO hard to find over here!!
So I'm currently looping this one song because it sounds like a classic McFly song. heh! The others sounded a little.. mature, I suppose! sigh.

Spent the entire day with Alia. She had wanted to look around for some things (well, LOADS of things actually!) but before that, we sent Idris to his exam and on the way out of uITM, I saw Muz' mom!! heehee. I was almost as excited as if I've seen Muz herself.

We headed to OU and had lunch - Dave's Deli!! *manic laugh* I need to get my cravings over with before I can start cutting down those bad bad carbs. No more lasagna and potato salad for.. three months! *smiles sheepishly* Three months sounds more achievable than half a year.
And cut down sodas.. Need to do that too!! How about.. treating myself to a soda once every two weeks? hahha!! I just can't do drastic things. Might bring myself to an epileptic shock - and we wouldn't want that, would we?
Last thing on the list of MUST DOs would be wake up early and not stay in bed for half a day!! yikes! Now, I believe that's the real cause of getting wider. Darn it!

Okay. Probably need to rest now.
We were out for about 10 hours and that's just.. almost senseless!

How's my new layout?

hehhe! Still haven't figured what I wanted to write in that black space on the right.

In recent development, I am seriously considering cutting down carbohidrate! Seriously. But the mere thought of not having anymore bread and cheese.. Potatoes too!! ohhnoooooooo!!! Especially since I am suddenly craving for a French loaf with a dollop of butter.. lasagna.. and potato salad!!
Ohh man! I'm sad.
Deeply deeply sad.
So I'm still thinking about it. Don't know for sure if I can give up bread. Coffee and cigarettes.. I can do that, but bread.. sigh. What's worse, I'm not that smart - my brilliance couldn't make up for my looks, so I can't do FAT!!

Been thinking about my friends a lot lately.
MMU kids starting their new semester.. Bahijah in Dhaka.. Alia and Muz starting their finals. Well, that's what upsets me most actually.
SMSed Muz yesterday and she said her final paper will be on the 25th but she still have things to sort out after that and only promised for early December!!
That's just crazy.
Ohh fine, I don't really have any cool or earth-shattering news to share with her, but crap I haven't seen her for ages!

Now if you'll excuse me..
I need to slap myself about something.

(no subject)

Here's what happened these past few days;
Pet practically called me fat which now when think of it.. it practically means that he's family since my parents and sisters are the only ones who's ever said I was fat!
So dude.. you're basically the other sister I've never had.

Been horribly bored. Seriously, HORRIBLY!!

Finished re-reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and found it boring for the second time! hahha!! I know, that's just evil of me but really.. I am hoping that Rowling will do a really brilliant job on her final HP book!

Okay. I'm horribly uninspired now.

You deserve a longer (letter) than this; but it is my unhappy fate, seldom to treat people so well as they deserve

Ouch!

Finally saw Tristan and Isolde.
sigh. I've never seen a sadder couple. Both James Franco and Sophia Myles did a brilliant job! I mean, if you see the movie.. you'd see that they both had watery eyes on most part of the film.
Okay, that doesn't sound too great, but gosh!
I'm the one who's having the heartache right now.
They're just.. their face expressions were.. really really sad.

I remembered seeing the poster while I waited for the tram in Rotterdam and I couldn't stop staring at it! So I finally saw it.. after months and months obsessing Gavin Degraw's song on the soundtrack.

If I have to be truth.. I think I want that.
You know.. sad looks on the face because we're pining for love. Wanting to be together with that one -- just because I understand being miserable better than being happy.
Oh no!! I fear I've just revealed too much!

I hope I find this gift.

ah.. crap!

Crap is when you have nothing good to do.
Crap is when you got upset when Tom told his girlfriend that he loves her when they couldn't stop the bomb.. and when Sydney watches along as Vaughn was carried out from the room.
Crap is when you look at some old pictures and smiled to yourself thinking, "ohh, I miss that!"
Crap is when you decided that you miss someone and not being able to tell the person 'cause that will mean that you cared a little more than you should.
Crap is when you realized that you are being too proud for your own good.
Crap is when you're smiling and tearing up in the same time.
Crap is when you have too many thoughts in your head and you're nowhere close to finding a single answer.

That's crap, everyone!

Have a good day ahead of you.

"Matured" my ass!

Dida phoned last night thus turning my ears red from pressing the receiver too hard so I could listen her robotic voice through the bad connection.

She told me that one of her friends thought I was matured. I can't help but crack up at the idea, of course! Then Dida went on agreeing her friend! Realizing that "just because a person messes up their life, doesn't mean that they're a mess" (her actual words weren't as cool as I put it, though.) That made me laugh even harder as I considered if I should take it as a compliment or an insult instead!

Dida said I was good for something after all!
Seriously, she's lucky that I'm generally good natured and that I have an odd sense of humour!
Well, to be truth I am especially amused that Dida appreciated me most when I was just being myself.

Apparently I can listen, no matter what they said. (I usually get B's for my listening exams!) Well, I CAN listen! It's not my fault that they keep on yacking about things I can't be bothered with! (Somehow I'm imagining my good friends snigger behind my back.)

Enough about that. An entire side of my body aches! I blame yesterday's awful bowling balls.
Ooh~ NaNoWriMo begins!
And people.. Yahoo! Time Capsule closes next Wednesday!! Contribute if you haven't!
Ooh! and YEAYY!! House is back!!

A jumble of thoughts.

It's a jumble. You're not obligated to understand.

Internet's crap.
Spoke to Dida for 4 hours last week and I ended up with very red ears.
Been writing. New ideas, unfortunately! Need to stick to a one!
Remembered Dida's advice about getting my prayers right! (Keeping that in mind!) And I thought I was thankful.. guess I haven't thank Him for that yet.
Bored and uninspired.
In the mood for Luca's.. cakes and cookies. Ohh! Meatballs too.. darn Nina for reminding me about meatballs the other day!!!
Need to clear my closet. Serious work need to be done there!
A bit upset after finding out some stuff on Gilmore Girls.. the price of not following it religiously! I shall start from now on..
Bahijah said April reminds her of me. Great, I have Luke for a dad! Except that he's a Scorpio and though I haven't had a real beef with a Scorpio except my mom, I intend to keep a safe distance between me and any Scorpio. An arm's length, at least! Although I must add that I have had a good friend who was a Scorpio but I'm no longer in touch with her and I just don't feel at a lost without her, but that's just me.
That sounds kind of biased but I'd like to think that I keep an open mind to anyone. No racism or zodiacism. But honestly honestly, it's kind of great for everyone else that I'm keen on zodiacs! Everytime somebody messes with me or did any wrong things to my friends.. I wouldn't blame it entirely on them - I'd blame the fact that they were born under some crappy signs! hahha! And I'm not saying this just for the sake of saying it. Some signs are crappy!
Going to meet up some fellas later so I probably should get some sleep.
No longer upset about anything. More like I've forgotten everything. Oh, the story of my life. Maybe forgetting is a good thing after all since remembering haven't done any good to me yet!
Yadda yaddaa.. I'm so dull - I'm making myself bored! Terrific! Just what I need.. A super-boring mind that refuses to shut up.
I think I'm quite civil. I suppose I generally hate social niceties but I am still capable of being civil, right?

'Til later!

And you said it.

Does it make sense if I say that I am relieved to have known something for certain and yet feel a little miserable for it?
sigh. If only being miserable makes me feel anything but miserable.

Had a great day earlier.
Went to Seremban to celebrate Izzati's birthday. Taught her to snap pictures with the Palm Zire. Then Nina laughed since I bullied the kid by holding up the pda way over my head 'cause I'm just mean sometimes. And Farhana was really sweet the entire day.
Okay, I'm definitely liking the age that they're in.

Left early to try avoid the traffic. (Failed!) But we got back in Shah Alam around five and I had enough time to go to Farah's house which I was invited to!
Yacked a bit with Alia before I got home.. went to the McD drive-through TWICE! hahha!

Ooh.. saw Muz' dad on telly. Take note, her dad is NOT Datuk Zakaria and the words on the screen was the subject he was talking to the press about.

And now it's quiet and dark and I'm pretty much all to myself with too many thoughts that won't go away.

KT Tunstall - Throw Me A Rope






Sometimes I feel guilty for having a sad soul.

I will plop down in a bit.

Tiring.. the day has been completely tiring!
Went to Perak and visited some relatives on my mom's side.
That's all I can say for now, feels like my back is about to break into halves.

A nasty accident on the road. The driver's fine, I think! Didn't see anything else horrifying in the fire - thank God!!
Abang Min and Nina
Shot yang cantek! hehhe!
That's Dida.. on the phone!
Budak kecik gedik tak pakai baju. hihi
LOVE this shot of Izzati! O yeah..
Happy birthday dear!!
3-years old!!
Plopping down - now.

First day of Eid.

T'was not so bad, I must admit.
I had a few laughs and that pretty much got me through the day. A shout out to my couzies Sarah and Hannah for being so.. easy-going, as I can be quite the anti-social! hahha! (Seriously.)

I had been the embarassed-recipient of angpows for eight times. I'd rather not get them actually.. Ohh, I feel so unworthy!! But I appreciate it nonetheless..
Maybe next week I could go to the cinema to catch a movie and pig out some place! hahahha! Well.. I haven't really thought what I'm going to do with the money. They're not a lot, (not 1994, I'm afraid..) but it's enough for me to have one super-fun day out!

Dida had passed Mama an angpow for me as well, but I decide to not look at the amount. I'm keeping it in a safe place for the time being.. until I really need the money for anything.
I just feel mightily timid..
If I were Dida, I'd put a hate-letter in the angpow instead of money -- which I don't think Dida would do since she hates writing and she's much more merciful than I am.

sigh.
First day of Eid..
I really need to take charge of my life instead of swimming by the pool. I'd rather not get sucked into the drain.

Happy Eid Mubarak!

And so ends another Ramadhan.. I feel like time is definitely whooshing me by.
It's not exactly a great feeling, but I'm happy that it's Syawal. Well, I don't really feel like there's much to celebrate.. but heyy! Let's pretend like I do anyways!

You know what?
I think.. what I'm feeling now is something like one of those people who gets cranky on Christmas. One who'd wake up in the morning and say, "ohh, what's the point!" Even with the promise of presents under the tree (angpow aka money for us in Malaysia!) you simply cannot see the point!
It's just another date on the calendar.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel as bad as I do, seriously. I'm actually glad if everyone else embraces the day. Celebrates Eid Mubarak.
What I've been trying to say is just.. I'm incomplete. And it has been for a couple of years. So heyy, until I found my missing pieces, you can only expect morbid blog updates like this one on the Eid.
heehee! I feel bad.

Just a note before I end this entry and try to refrain myself from blogging morbidly..
To my favourite friends who are deserving.. I'd like to apologize for all the wrong doings I did through out the year.. please know that if you had to accept this cheap method of an apology, I must've not known what wrong that I had done! (hahha! I know, this doesn't sound too much like an apology either!)
Some of you might expect a Raya card in your mailbox sometime next week, okie!

Best wishes,
Wanie.

Bloody brilliant!!

It was bittersweet..
Poignant even.
I honestly.. almost cried. Of course, I had my comforter covering half of my face for the entire race.. the nervousness!! eeek! It gave me a slight headache.

I was afraid of Schumy's car being unreliable and it scared the hell outta me as the race started and those two BMW cars simply gave him no room!
Then, just as he had almost passed Fischella.. his tyre punctured!!! God! My head just felt like it's spinning. I couldn't help screaming "nooooo" in the middle of the night! hahha! Gosh, the frustration.. and disappointment. Schumy ended up on 17th place once he got out of the pits. sigh.
But Schumy being Schumy.. he didn't give up and pushed on. Cheers! Schumy didn't get podium but heyy! 4th place after all the drama..
Bloody brilliant!!

Completely admirable. It's so sad that he's leaving. That he's left.
The fact that Massa had been the first Brazilian to have won in the circuit after over thirty years and that Alonso won the driver's championship almost didn't matter..
Well.. obviously it didn't matter to me. hahha!

Other things that amused me;
on one of those final laps.. when Schumy passed Raikkonen. Extremely brilliant! I imagined, since Raikkonen is going to Ferrari next season, Schumy is somehow teaching him a lesson. hahha! MY imaginations.
Ohh, and also that Massa wasn't wearing the usual Ferrari outfit. I thought it's odd.. but great that Ferrari encouraged his patriotism for his country! Really cool.

Pardon me that for one night.. this blog has become like one of those sports enthusiast's-blogs that even I barely read! hahha! I can't remember when I began my interest in F1 but I'm certain that I've always loved Schumacher.
And I will certainly.. surely miss him!


heehee. Aidilfitri = Eid Mubarak. Have a great one!

Hullo!

I'm afraid if you're hoping for one of my usual good long entries, I'd have to disappoint you.
I suppose at these times most Malaysians - Muslims would be writing excitedly about their Eid Mubarak plans or at least the excitement that they will be able to eat food during daylight again. You won't find that here since I had even forgotten when was the last time I was excited about the Eid, plus.. I could've ate in daylight if I had wanted to. *winks lazily* Get it?
Eid came early for me.

Waiting on the final race of the season - Formula One, I mean.
I think it's sad.. The final race for Michael Schumacher! It just had to be sad! No more Schumy in Sepang.. sigh. I shall miss him. He's been a GREAT driver and such a great sport! sigh.

The upside to this is that Kimi Raikkonen is going to take his place in Ferrari and that Felipe Massa is getting better and better! The team should be brilliant next season!
I think it's amusing that both Raikkonen and Massa were both from Sauber-Petronas just a couple of years ago! Me and Dida have this theory that even though Sauber-Petronas weren't really a good race team, they're definitely great scouts! heh.

Okay. That's just about it!
Ohh right.. Manchester United pretty much kicked Liverpool's arse earlier!! hahha! Poor Gerrard.

O yeah!! Note to self: last night I got Nina to cut my hair. I think I'm cursed with 60's hair no matter the length of my hair! Pah!

eeek!!

Currently beating myself up for feeling so cranky.

Hanis' message on my shoutbox is slightly stressing me out but it's completely my fault for being easily stressed out. hahha! I just felt the surge of writing but I haven't got anything smart to share and my life is really dull.. so really.
It stresses me out when I need to write but I had nothing interesting to tell. Not even to myself.
God help me.
I think I'm just going to let my thoughts run.

Okay, I remember this scene on Ed where Molly and Ed was eating, talking about some sort of a beef he had with Carol. Molly said something like, "you would be stupid to let go of a friendship like that". Ed was on a defence mode and point the blame to Carol and Molly cut him off by saying, "you would be stupid to let go of a friendship like that".

I fell asleep at 8 last night and woke up at 2 'cause I was bugged by my own dream. I honestly envy people who have dreamless nights. I love the fact that my dreams usually tells me something no matter how twisted it might have seemed but seriously.. Some nights I really wish I could just.. rest.

Some people thinks I think too much. hah!
If only I could make myself shut up.
And I was suddenly overcame by the need to listen to a song where the snow was falling in July. Geez! So I downloaded it and just been putting it on loop.
Plus I feel like I hate somebody whom I wish not to hate. Darn it!!
If you think that I'm not making sense.. well, be glad that we don't share the same brain.

Currently listening to: Stranger By The Day by Shades Apart.

Alia's birthday!

Just got back!!
So I'm not exactly in the mood of telling you every detail of what I did today. But I'd like to say that I had quite some fun meeting Alia's school friends! We had break-fast in Chicken Hartz in Sunway Pyramid and I am pretty sure that I'd made at least one new friend! Her name is Nadiah and she's a Sagittarius!! woo~hoo!
Well, it was funny really. As usual I just asked her zodiac sign and I got excited that she was a Sagi and this guy Rainy Renee looked at us and when I asked his zodiac.. he said "same.." hahha!! What are the odds?
Well, my point is; Nadiah is really cool and I hope to see her again sometime! Ye Nadiaah!! heehee.
Then me and Alia went back to Shah Alam and hung out with Idris, Shahrir and Syed Ilyas and that pretty much concludes the day.

Will update the fotopages in a bit.

I'm a runner.

For a moment.. my friend had knew me more than I do - which was a breath of fresh air, I think!

Dearest,
thank you!
Somehow coming from you had meant a lot more. Maybe 'cause you never said stuff like that EVER before. You actually made me cry for a moment but it's not exactly a bad thing so you need not to worry. Just...
You cared! hahha! I almost can't stand it when someone cared for me more than I had knew. It's almost weird. In the twisted part of my mind, I wish to be ignored.
Entahlah..
Though I have to be honest.. I don't think I'll ever be able to speak freely of my feelings or my real thoughts. That, you'd have to ask me. Specific questions please. Ask me a general question and I'll respond with a general answer. heh!
Not too sure of what you feel when I write these in here though! heehee. Not anger I hope.

I think I've found my next year's resolution! hahha!!
Btw..
Happy Birthday ALIAAAAA!!!!

You're losing points, dear.

Seriously. You haven't seen me really annoyed yet. So seriously.. Just the fact that I want to like you is not a big enough reason for me to actually like you.
Seriously.

Moving on!! (Be prepared for my usual.. proper blog update!)
I actually had an entertaining day, yesterday. I began the afternoon sorting out my junk and it's all Azraai's and Arep's fault really, that got me stuck at the old letters that I still keep. Hilarious! I was laughing to tears one second, and next second I had almost snorted out bogeys onto those old papers - really unattractive.
I was going through one of Hanis' letters when I just couldn't go through with it! One moment I was reading Muz telling me to stop being so hopeless over a boy.. then Hanis told me to keep my stories until after the trial exam.. and Dayat telling me how miserable she was in Kulim.. Then there's Ecah who was excited to not have to stay in Kulim.. and Azraai asking me about my latest love life since I rarely ever talk about it!! HAHHAHAHHA!!! Really.
Did nothing much then. I didn't even manage to actually "sort out" my junk! Have to pick right where I had left it today. heh!

Ohh, dearest Hanis.. thank youuuuuuuuuuu!! I was pleasantly surprised with what's in the mail. Luvya babe!!

Just had a crazy Yahoo! chat conference just now. It was fun while it was fun.. boring when it was dull.. and infuriating at the end. 'Til later!

Question.

Do you think you can really know a person just from reading their blog?

Comment.

Yahoo! Time Capsule

I believe this is the coolest thing ever since LifeLogger! hahha!!
Seriously.. you'd be foolish to miss out the fun!

The idea that you're being a part of something huge -- for people in the future! Come on! Tell everyone what's important to you right now. No matter how small of a blip your life actually is. heh!
What's important is what you think and you are a part of this world.

You've got 24 days.
20147 contributions so far.
Is one of them yours?

Yahoo! Time Capsule

I'm an Irish girl.

Ana's a hooker and Bahijah's a crack trash!
Seriously hilarious!!

Find it here.

Sorry.. this isn't a proper update too.
Believe it or not, I'm saving my thoughts for my writing book.

No update.

But of course, this is an update even though just to tell you that I haven't got any real update.

Last night I went to sleep in anger.. woke up for sahur in anger.. got back to sleep in restlessness.. and got up again in confusion.
Odd dreams - as usual!
They are beginning to frustrate me.

Now I'm just plain bored.

cheers!!

**fotopages updated!** heh!
Had a great time with friends yesterday! But I must say that there were too many people and too many things going on that I couldn't possibly focus on anything much! hahha!! I know I would've liked to talk more to Ablen, Dar and Fariz but everyone seemed so occupied with everything else, eh? heehee.

So we (Bahijah, Ana and me) finally managed to catch The Devil Wears Prada like we had originally planned last week! The movie ended around 6:40 but still we walk around OU and got to Homst Restaurant well after the azan and joined Incik Dar and some other err.. acquaintances. (There were loads of them!)

Later that we hung out at the bowling alley near GSC (in OU again!) and had loads of fun there!!
Me and the girls had so much fun going nutty at the pool and fusball table. I especially love the fusball since I was a better player at it than I was in pool! hahhah! I was a total rubbish, it's shameful really! The girls were so much fun!
Ana, I want those pictures in your camera!!

Okay. That's about it.
Ohh! Alia, I was wondering why you called me. SO SORRY that I haven't returned the call. I think this is still the wee morning! hahahha!! Talk to you soon, girl!

Maybe I'll catch my rest now.

My day.

Apparently I have nothing else to share.

I spent the day doing nothing much, but I finally collected the coloured film that I sent to be processed. I was glad that they didn't screw up when I asked for them to process the film and print me an index and nothing more.
Although I must ask.. does an index print should cost RM5??? Seriously!! Cekik darah! RM10 for just that! (plus the processed film.) Gile benci! Never again!
I seriously HATE that darned shop!

I just got back home from a night out with friends about an hour ago. Alia got free tickets for the preview of World Trade Center at Cathay. (The movie opens this Thursday in Malaysia.) There were eight of us; Zaki, Farah, Arep, Leen, Shahrir, Idris, Alia and me.
Big SORRY to Farah and Zaki for us being late! Totally not mine or Alia's fault! Blame the other boys for never being punctual!
Honestly.. how come I've NEVER found a guy that is EVER punctual before?? Seriously! ALL MY LIFE.. they're always LATE!! That is just wrong!

WTC was.. not that brilliant. It was very tense at some moments which I thought was EXCELLENT but they were too short to make up for the long, dragging scenes. It wasn't as touching as I reckon they had hoped it would be and not at all informative! I believe they could've made it SO much better if they had went to other people's perspective than JUST the two policemen whom practically did nothing heroic at all - except for believing that they were.
Sorry.. that might be a spoiler but I couldn't help myself.
And those Jesus parts!! No offence to Christians or anything but those scenes of him had made the entire part a little cartoon-like. Again, another spoiler!
Seriously.. I was more touched and emotionally triggered when I saw one of those Seconds From Disaster on Discovery Channel.

I won't be giving any stars since that is just NOT the way I do it but here's a tip.. you don't really have to see this film! It was touching, but not so much! Although I must say.. the scene when the policemen were running for cover when the building collapsed - now THAT was bloody brilliant!
I was rooting for those guys to make it. The movie was good, but it wasn't as great as the fact that we got to see it free in a pretty awesome cinema!

Checked my Statcounter and saw this..
Dida, do you check up on me this much??
I'm not sure if I should be flattered or worried instead. Btw, Papa and Mama had been asking if you'd called - which you haven't for some days! I think they're missing you already.

Okay. Hoping that I have enough money for (later) today's b/w pics from Pak Tai AND Wednesday's plans! haha! Haven't figured out how to go there yet. sigh.

Rainy day.

I love rainy days.. but I definitely hate lightnings!

Had a couple of odd dreams last night. One seemed like a bad omen since I dreamt that I was bleeding and stained everywhere - but all I cared was the mess I was making, instead of trying to stop the bleeding.
The other was something about a weird trip on a bus with my family but.. there's something off about it. I just got the feeling that things weren't right.

Moving on, I just saw Fever Pitch with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore, and I love!! It's a good movie and I know it's last years', but if you hadn't seen it yet, well.. get the DVD or download! haha! It's more than a just romantic-comedy I think! There is a moral to it and I thought it was enlightening.
So I love!

Suddenly remembered a question a friend gave me about why I didn't want to date this one guy we knew. Somehow I managed to come up with 3 reasons. The three perfect reasons for me to like the single perfect guy. heehee.
It has something to do with that word "enlightening", that's why I remembered the conversation. Okay!

I think it's funny that Bahijah, Ana and I are making plans through Ana's shoutbox. heh!
And now I've got to call someone about tonight's plans.
Have a good day, everyone!

Ohh, and Nina got Acceptable for the Grade 2 WOMBAT. hahha! I can be so smart when I want to! ekekkeke!

Answer.

Maybe I'm not fine after all.

heehee. One thing, I am always left thinking after seeing Alia.
Maybe it's her crazy questions.
Thoughtful, sometimes.

And this song is jumbling up my thoughts.. and feelings.

Right-click and Save Target As..

Life is full of opportunities for you to make a fool out of yourself.

'morning!

I mean to say "good morning" but I'm not sure if it's going to be good so we'll see how today will turn out.

In the mean time.. my mom heated up this instant pizza that she had bought 'cause her friends told her that it tastes good (Dida.. kau tau laa Mama cemane kan?) and she gave it to me to taste.

The first thought that came to mind on my first bite was;
I miss those boxed 'onion and cheese' pizzas from Alberthein. sigh.
Something is definitely wrong with me.

Happy fasting everyone!

October.

heehee. I guess that don't make much sense, huh?
Took the WOMBAT (Wizards' Ordinary Magic and Basic Aptitude Test) on JK Rowling's site sometime last week and what did I get??
I was SO nervous when I clicked the envelope. Seriously.. the questions were HARD!! Getting Exceeds Expectations had exceeded MY expectation! hahha!! I wonder what Nina got since she did it too but I won't check her results until she sees it herself or at least told me to see it! heehee.
Hope I get to catch the 3rd Grade since I missed the 1st.. sigh.
I feel giddy... after an awful and rather weird evening.

Dearest Muz.. you couldn't possibly bore me.
I think you know that if I was, I would've ran back home by myself!

Ohh! I just read Asha's blog and I couldn't help feeling like she was talking about me. hahhha!! *amat perasan* It's that line "--crazy bout lotsa things" that's got me thinking actually! hahha! *seriously perasan!*
If it really is me, do tell!

Currently listening to:

Effing IDIOTS!!

Seriously. I'm pissed.
Remember me not to hope for things again.
Seriously.

I guess my hunch is too right that it usually breaks my own heart. Effing idiot!
Those store people I mentioned earlier.
HA-HA! Sometimes my own judgement baffles me.
Seriously. (I'm replacing my curses into "seriously")

Not only I wasted my effort.. energy.. TIME and money, I came home today with N O T H I N G!!!
Seriously!!!
They wasted my dreams of two days.. waiting for my b/w photos and returned my films just as the way they were and gave me a crap excuse that the machine broke down. AND! They also need another day to process my typical.. 35mm COLOUR film!!
Seriously!!!!!!!!!

Effing idiots!!
And the parking had cost RM2 in SACC!! Seriously!! It's times like this when I absolutely.. truly DESPISE Shah Alam! Bandar Anggerik my ass!!
So everyone, DON'T GO to that photo store in the lower ground floor of SACC Mall named East Ocean Photoshop. Seriously.
Idiots!

Now I need to take a breather and.. break-fast. (see what anger made me do?)

Enjoying moodiness.

Came across two fab songs this past couple of days and I can't stop putting them on loop! (typical!)

Had a mind-numbing experience while I was in the car with Papa earlier today. He found the RTM channel for 50s, 60s, and 70s songs amusing - makes him laugh. Well, it gave me an excrutiating headache! I'm obviously too smart for those sort of channel! hahha!!
For the record, my father was only amused 'cause he had the same twisted, sarcastic sense of humour as me and my sisters have (although Papa's and Nina's are even more sarcastic! Maybe it's a Gemini thing.. who knows!) but seriously.. I can't stand those torturous so-called music!

Makes you wonder..
what were they THINKING?!!
Were they thinking at all???
Geez! No more.

And for the sake of humouring myself throughout the ride, I made a mistake of telling him about my dream wedding! Yes yes.. I do dream about wedding sometimes. Close those gaping mouth of yours please..
I'm hoping that he won't mention about it anywhere in the future or I shall die of embarassment!
Geez! No more!

Looking forward to tomorrow afternoon! Going to collect the b/w films I finally sent to be developed! woot!! Hopefully the store-people kept their promise and didn't screw up my orders. sigh. I definitely miss Europe! (the pictures are of Europe.)
Yes.. even the cold. hahha!
lalu ke H&M untuk menyedapkan hati sendiri.. hahhaha!!

Currently listening to: Crashing Down by Mat Kearney.


I'm definitely enjoying this moodiness.