Brown Penny

by William Butler Yeats

I whispered, ‘I am too young,’
And then, ‘I am old enough’;
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
‘Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.’
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

He was Irish.
And a Gemini.

Here's amusing..

The local news today had reported about the damage to the communication cables by the quake in Taiwan; so connections and communications around South East Asia would be interrupted for a couple of days as it'd probably take about 5 days to fix it.

Then the voice-over suggested that we should try not to open overseas websites and stop trying if you can't get connected to the person you're trying to call on the first try.

Unbelievable! Even if it makes any sense, at all.. the thought that the prime time news are telling you to practically stop trying to reach out for a bit of communication is just horrid!
Can they really expect anyone to listen to that?
I logged on as soon as they said that preposterous thing. Such a rebel.

I've come to terms that this blog probably wouldn't exist if I weren't sarcastic and cynical.

F*** Feelings?

I had a bad day today.
I spent 20 minutes of my train ride, writing heated words in my book so I could type it out once I got home. But then the internet was near to non-existant.
Thus giving me a LOT of time to mull things over.

And that brought me to the fact that 2006 is quickly to be replaced by 2007. (somehow!)
So here's a post mortem of my 2006 resolution. (hahh!)

1. If I found a grumpy yet endearing and handsome man like House, or a funny lad who laughs a lot like Danny, or someone typical looking yet charming like Mark Ruffalo, I promise I'd snag him up!
-- sigh. The man does not exist. 4 days left of the year but I doubt I'll get to meet him by then.

2. Stop picking my work and just get on with it a little faster than my usual comfortable pace.
-- hahha! Of course, when I wrote this I was referring to my job in Kinokuniya. Not too sure if I did any much change in my work ethics until my last day.. heehee.

3. Finally decide what I should do - study wise.
-- I think I have. I don't think I'll be enrolling myself to any school this time. Financially it wouldn't be wise as the only course I'd be interested in is not offered in any school in the country! (Well, that might be a nicer excuse than just saying "I'm too cool for school.")

4. Have a thousand in my account, entirely my money
-- Ohh, close! I did have RM700 at some point this year. But currently, I have a healthy RM11 to keep that account "active".

5. Write 300 pages of words.. by the end of the year.
-- errr.. I only managed to write on 56 pages of Moleskine.. OMG!! I am so behind my schedule!!

6. And you can't have a resolution without one that is deemed to be doomed; eat healthier, be nicer to people and not get too grumpy when I get disappointed.
-- Ohh, I know myself too well now. I definitely failed this one!

Okay! I have four more days to think of next year's resolutions. I have a couple of ideas so far. heehee.
Might.. oh fine, I will update the fotopages later tonight. (If the internet allows me, of course!)
ps: Sorry, I've tried uploading my photos twice but it kept showing me "the page cannot be displayed" crap.

I smell! --but not too much.

Woke up pretty darned early today 'cause I've made plans with my friends; to go back to my late grandparents' house in Bukit Kapar, Klang!
Since Alia, Farah and Zaki are big fans of durian, my dad had invited them for a visit. We were lucky that there were a couple of durians left since it's the end of the season!

We just got ourselves tired by walking around the grounds. I think Alia had a blast chatting with the rabbits. She even tried to make friends with the chickens!
We only left after eating some durian and rambutan.. and that's around two! My dad had told them about his siblings and such..
Quite a good visit, I'd say.

We did something more after we went back to Shah Alam so Alia could get her car.. but I'm too tired to write now. So maybe later.. if I feel like finally updating my fotopages, I'll let you know.

It's a small world after all!

This is a picture of my couzie, Hannah. But if you've seen my fotopages, and you look closely at this one.. you'll find some familiar faces in this shot.

Which I thought was AMAZING!!
There I was.. feeling sorry for myself for being stuck in the middle of a thick crowd of middle-aged women.. losing feeling of my legs due to lack of blood circulation. Then I turned to the door and saw two of my friends! I couldn't help pointing and gape. (Even Papa noticed from the other side of the room.) Just couldn't believe it.
All the while my mind was racing; I'm related, so what's their excuse?

Turns out Farah too was sort of related, which was so cool!! (Alia was there 'cause Farah dragged her to it.) But Farah seemed a lot more closer to the family than I am, heehee. No surprise there, of course!
The two sat with my family at the table and I must say, I really like the fact that my friends are NOTHING like me! hahha! They're very friendly and gave me some sort of a proud feeling to have introduced them to my parents. hihi.
Plus, they completely brighten up my dull night!! So, thanks you two!

Alright, that's it.
Not too sure when I'm going to update my fotopages. Kinda lazy these days.

Good ass mother liker.

I've got tears in my eyes!!

You can find more of Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry here, but my favourites are the one up there and the rap and the spoon bender. heehee.
Okay, haven't done much. My parents have gone to some wedding.. somewhere, and I managed to get myself excused! Although I wouldn't be able to be excused from another wedding tonight. Bluerghh!
How come I don't remember as many weddings taking place at the end of last year?? Just thinking about it makes me tired.

Kinda had a weird sort of dream last night. Doesn't make much sense either. Bluerghh! Then I woke up with my whole body aching. Fab!

Now I'm just browing through my mp3s, trying to figure out which songs I need to have in my phone so there'll be a soundtrack for my everyday stuff. So far I'm only certain to keep Jars Of Clay; because it sounds great while I was running, and K7; because somehow it makes everybody else moving to its beat.
Aaah.. my life is so exciting.

Sometime in the future, not now.. I will try taking another hiatus again (God knows how many times I've said that!) or just reduce my blogging to once/twice a week. Maybe January. So you guys might want to start looking for a more lively reading material now.

That's all for now. You have a good weekend!

Bluerghhh

I'm extremely annoyed, I can puke.

Friggin' friggin' annoyed!!
Of course, I can use a harsher word but I'll settle with "annoyed" for now.

I the company

Okay.. it's probably a bit late to say this, but Casino Royale was awesome!!
Finally saw it. Went to GSC earlier to redeem my free ticket since it's my birthday month. I had wanted to see Eragon at first because I don't think I'm ever going to read the book but the guy at the counter told me to choose one with an asterisk symbol; which I would've no problem with if I had known WHICH were the ones with the asterisks!
So the moment he said Casino Royale, I said, "yeah, I'll see that one."

So Daniel Craig is blonde. I hate that bit of fact since James Bond are usually dark haired. But as the film proceeds, I really couldn't care what his hair colour was. It was the best Bond movie to date! The women weren't easy or lame.. and Vesper was cool - up to the last 15 minutes of the film, of course.
Didn't exactly understand that elevator bit, though. Why laa the heck!

And!! I must say this..
The fact that the good guys in the film uses Sony Ericsson just wells me up with pride! *manic laugh* And I'm extremely psyched for having an excellent new company**. I almost lost myself** while I was in the train.
I know Work by Jars Of Clay sounds perfect while I was chasing the train, now!

Before the movie, while I was queing to get myself a drink, I bumped into an old school mate, Enny! Capricorn (yes, I remembered that bit even though I haven't seen her for ages!), not exactly my favourite person back in school. hahha! But she looked good, with a male friend. heehee.
It's awkward, meeting old mates, isn't it?

I also managed to walk around my favourite section of MPH. What did I see? Cecelia Ahern's new book!!! Darn it! And Mitch Albom's too!! Why did I ever went inside..
I've gotta learn to stop myself sometime.

**refer to the new Sony Ericsson TV ad which you can find right here.
Even though mine isn't a Sony Ericsson/Walkman per se, but pshhh! Minor details! heehee. A Sony, is a Sony and the sound is great!

Cheers!

Happy Birthdaayyy
Keith Richards, Steven Spielberg, Brad Pitt, DMX,
Bridie Carter, Katie Holmes and Christina Aguilera!

That's all..
kikkikiki!!

Knackered.

Two of my cousins on my mom's side got married in the past two weekends. A'id is a year older than me while Farizah is my age.
Seems like everybody's getting married young these days. Although everyone on my dad's side seems to be unaffected by this. They're still keeping the tradition of marrying "late" pretty alive! hahha!
Well, Nina got married when she was 25 and even then I thought that was too soon!

Feels like I'm leading a mediocre life now. (Has nothing to do with the weddings! That one was to dignify why I am so knackered.. too many weddings to attend - not that I was doing anything to help, but the awful heat sucked away all my energy.)
The mediocrity was out of the fact that I haven't done or accomplished anything that would make me feel like I should shout from the top of the building about it. So I really need to start writing again.

But my brain is stuck in a mud in the middle of nowhere and I can't get myself out to move forward. So really, all I need now is a rope and a compass and I'll soon be on my way.
Getting out of the mataphor.. All I need is one word that could lead me to write one good paragraph. I know that I need to find that word.

Aaah.. the fear of beginning a new year is creeping in now.
Good thing my cousins; Sarah and Hannah thought I was twenty last night. At least now I feel like I have an extra two years to catch up to the thing that I'm catching up to.

Now's the right time for me to fall off the chair.
You guys have a good week!

231

I do not want people to be very agreeable as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal

As much as I'd love to admit that I said that, it was Jane Austen.
But I think she had smartly described a bit of who I am.

Austen would've been 231 years old today if she is still alive.
So.. happy birthday, grandma!

The day after.

Okay. I'm feeling as normal as I possibly can, so I shall tell you what I did the entire of yesterday.
First thing, I woke up late because I got to sleep late! (yeah, what's new?) It was about noon when I finally picked myself up and asked my dad to drop me off at the commuter. Destination: KLCC. (why? No idea.) Well, honestly I was looking for a new pair of shoes. I saw one a while back and thought of buying it as my birthday treat. But! Naturally.. I couldn't find it any longer. Minus one luck/magic.

Then I went to Isetan and got myself some sushi there. But of course, it rained in the afternoon so there is no way I could sit quietly at the park enjoying the bliss. Minus two luck/magic.
My mom called while I was in there and asked if I wanted to come home with her; practically threatened me that if I refused, I won't get my birthday present.

Before heading to Putra, I stopped by at Nose and see if there's anything I can indulge myself with. Then I saw this pair of really shiny red heels. I must've stared at it for a full minute before asking the sales person if they had it in size six. He replied, "size 9 only."
Minus three.

I managed to amuse myself a bit while I was coming down the escalator. I overheard two boys, a little younger than me.. trying to decide if they should go to Coffee Bean or Starbucks instead.

Once I got to Putra station, I had the sudden urge to look at my ticket. Guess what? The fella at the counter had ketuk (cheated) me 30cents! He only returned 20cents back to me when it was supposed to be 50cents. Curse him for taking an advantage over my absent mindedness!
O well.. minus four there. Ohh, and I spent 45minutes there by myself waiting for my mom and sister. Minus four and a half, then.
Tried killing time by calling up my dad for a bit of chat while thinking.. Mama's pressie better be gooood.

I was talking to Nina while we were waiting for the train so Mama only showed me her present once we got on the train. (Nina had to wait a bit longer since she's heading to Seremban.)
Ohh, our train stopped about 20minutes in the middle of the journey by the way. Made me miss 15minutes of Wedding's final episode. hahha!! Minus five?

Dida called.. and talked about something that's been upsetting her. Although it's basically her problem, that's minus six for the fact that it happened on my supposedly day!

Then the parents and I went out for dinner. Ordered shrimps fried in flour (sorry, don't know how else I could call it) but as our drinks arrived, the waiter informed us that they ran out of shrimps!
Minus seven, boys and girls..

So have we had enough of unfortunate events? heehee. I must say, Friday 13th is NOTHING compared to what I had yesterday.. Even talking about it right now is upsetting me. Slightly. Maybe I've been naughty this year, which is a completely plausible reason!

One good thing did happen yesterday.. The pressie from Mama was gooood! Thus making me worry.. How will I be able to pick a fight with her now! Mannnn! heeheee

Birthday wish.

Maybe I'll get to celebrate my 25th in something sexy like this pair of $690 Christian Louboutin's suede peep-toe pumps. Suppose it's weird that I would wish for shoes but I need to own a pair of Louboutin's by then. Let's just say that it's one of my atypical goals. heehee.

But being the out of job 22 year-old today, I'm just as pleased to settle for.. err.. what ever it is that I had spent the day doing! hahha!
Unfortunately there wasn't any magic on my day but I won't say much about it right now for fear of upsetting myself! heeheee!

Thank you so much to those who had wished me.. Shahnon, Bahijah, Ziad, Dayat, Ana, Ablen, Muz, Dar, Ayin, Asha and Nur. heehee! Arep who sang to me.. Pet for calling all the way from over there.. Hanis for the e-card.. and especially to Cik Alia and Farah who came over and completely surprised me! Ohh you two and my sneaky father.. heehee! You guys are the best! I really tasted the love from that very chocolatey cake! There isn't enough thank you in the world to say to you.

My dad had asked me in a hug, if I had set a goal to reach by my next birthday - and one thing automatically came to mind. So yes, I have one. And it's not just a pair of 'spensive shoes. heehee.

So.. what about being 22?
I'm sure maturity will kick in one of these days..

I wonder..

Have I always been this miserable in December? I mean, if it's been sucky.. how come I don't remember it actually being sucky?

Maybe because it's only my favourite month, so I expect a lot from it.. and small, measly things are enough to distress me to the verge of crying.
Like today, when I can't find my bra. Or yesterday when I can't find my panties.. and the day before that when I can't find my jammy-pants. All this actually result to me feeling like my life is screwed!

Horrible.. this is horrible!
I'm freakin' tired of feeling screwed. Especially since it's December and I really feel screwed! It can't be good if I talk about death a lot more than I usually do. I mean, how morbid can one get??

Thought for the week.

As awful sort of a person I am.. and as liberal as my thoughts are (sometimes!) about God.. I do believe in God.
I believe that He knows every bit of me and every impure thoughts that I had.. had not been a secret to Him.

So it's weird now to think that all this time, I've been talking to Him as if He was a friend. Those white lies I told.. He'd shook His head but understood perfectly. Every silly promises I made that made me laugh.. I'd imagine He'd think it was just as funny.
Is that in any way - right?
I don't think anybody else thinks God as easy-going as I had thought.

But then again, who really knows about God?
What's important is my faith in Him and though I'm not exactly religious.. pray as much as I should have.. I appreciate the life I've been given in my own ways.

I am.. a bit "liberal" I suppose. I've had my share of times people nagging on me about what I should and shouldn't do. Those people can just stick their self-righteousness up their own backs, for all I care.
But I like my God. He's just, all-knowing, and shall punish me rightfully. I deserve it, but I believe with all my heart... that He's a friend.

Not sure if anyone catches the point of this entry, but I do, and so did He. That's all that matters. For what ever reason I just needed to put it out there.

Why is it..

Sometimes.. you thought you were having a conversation with someone.. but turns out you were talking to the wall after all!

I've been having that lately.
So annoying.

This is just not my day, my friend.

edited at 9pm
I'm probably going off my rockers. Feels like on the verge of depression just because Nina can't find the pen I'd left at her house yesterday. The stupid thing is that she's glad to give me her pen.. the same exact model and everything. Still.. I am feeling extremely sad that I'd lost my pen! Thinking that Nina giving me hers is beside the point!
How dumb is that?
What is "the point", exactly??? I don't even know!!
Sometimes I just don't know why I go all psychotic.

Those disfunctional things.

Went to Seremban earlier to see how Farhana was doing. She'd been hospitalized for a full week and only returned home last night. Nina didn't go to work for just as long, thus giving her the time to finally feel the same amount of frustration as I had felt when she finally finished reading Rosie Dunne. hahha! She had that book for months!!
The kid was fine by the way, playing along with Izzati like nothing ever happened. heehee.

If there's anything that I'm really thankful for, it'll be the fact that I get along with my sisters so well. The fact that we can easily talk about how disfunctional our family really is. heehee. As Nina and I did sometime in the late afternoon today.
Funny how we psychoanalyze ourselves so effortlessly as if we were just pointing at a massive zit on the face. Aaah.. it's just amazing how your surroundings while you were growing up influenced the person that you've become.
I should probably brought up that subject when I see Nina again.

We left around 7, and I absent mindedly left my black pen there! Or maybe it slipped out of my bag and dropped somewhere, but God, NO!! And I also forgot to ask for my book! hahha! Maan.. I hate forgetting things.

Anyway, can't stop listening to this song. It's Take That, amazingly they're back and sounded just as great!! Typically, I like the lyrics most.

Hating my English now. Maybe 'cause I'm sleepy.

Thought for the week.

What is the worst thing that could happen to you?
Mine would be if I slipped in the bathroom and cracked my head open and nobody knew that I was bleeding to death. My dad reading the paper while my mom watches the telly and at some point, one of them would think aloud about how odd it was for me to take such a long shower.

My dad reckons that something is wrong if anybody keeps thinking of ways to die. I don't think I'm depressed - I'd know if I'm depressed. But morbid thoughts comes just as easily as a happy thought would come to my mind.
Talk about an obsession for fairness. hahh!

Saw a brilliant movie late last night. It's called Before Sunset and the entire movie was about this pair of old mates, walking around Paris, just talking. Can you imagine?? A bit over an hour of Ethan Hawke and this woman (can't remember the name, but she's probably French) just walking.. and talking.
And I find it illuminating! It's amazing!!
edited sometime later
Before Sunset is actually a sequel to 1995's Before Sunrise, with the same main cast, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. God, I wish I'd get to catch that one sometime before I die. heh!

Okay. That's about it for now.
Catch me later!

Winter breaks are mean.

Dates of when my favourite shows will be back;

Brothers & Sisters - January 7th
House - January 9th
Grey's Anatomy - January 11th
One Tree Hill - January 17th
Heroes - January 22nd
Gilmore Girls - January 23rd
Prison Break - January 29th
Lost - February 7th

As you can see, I have nothing better to blog about.

An achievement!!

I got into the shower today after God knows how long. My armpits were.. embarassingly "French". If you have no idea what that means, let me put it in this dramatic way;
an ant would've been easily lost in there.
hahahhahaha!!

I'm still coughing horribly that sometimes I wish I was dead - depressing, I know.

Went out with my dad today, which I thought was an achievement since I haven't set foot on the ground for weeks! (Or so it had felt.)

Gotta dash now! The dad needs to use the computer to help the sister out with some things but the internet was plain dumb a second ago.

Oh Peter!

It's you.
It can't be you!
*sigh*

Okay, I'm definitely loving Heroes. It's very cleverly plotted and the first station that will air it on Malaysian television will be just as clever! I mean, come on! Lost gets on your nerves with their twisted plot lines after a while.. but Heroes.. man, Heroes is smart!
I'll bite my nails 'til I know what happens next in January then. eeeeek! Winter Breaks are mean!

My parents had been nagging about how my cough hasn't go away yet. They're making it as if it's my fault and I have no idea how they've gotten that idea.

No special thoughts today. heehee.
Ablen, heppy birthday!!

Thought for the day..

The important thing in a relationship is the want of being in one.

And the ability to keep a straight face when you talk about one. heehee.

So cheers to those who are in a healthy sort of a relationship, and cheers to those who are just fine as single as they are!

Thought for the day..

What would you eat when you have absolutely no appetite and had been spending the last five days eating almost nothing yet trying to make the metal-like taste that's been lingering on your tongue go away?

And jello is no longer an option because you've got yourself worried the last time you joked about getting diabetes.
It really isn't funny when your body is deteriorating.
(You can only joke about yourself so far..)

edited at 9:22pm
Ate a Quarter Pounder for dinner. It tasted so funky, I had no idea how I managed to eat as much as I did..

Surprising..

I just realized that I actually have a Multiply account!! hahha! I didn't remember about having it at all.
Anyways, I deleted it of course. I'm fine with Friendster and Lifelogger, and I can't honestly say that I care for half of all on my friends list.

Earlier I asked my dad if he thought I was still having a fever. Instead of putting his hand on my forehead; acting like the human thermometer, he just looked at me and said I was fine. I asked him how would he know?
He simply answered that if I was still unwell, I wouldn't be smiling.
heehee!

I must say, the attention I get from the parents these past couple of days was kind of nice! Now that I'm only reduced to some throat-aching coughs, I'm starting to miss the special treatments! hahha! (What a brat..)

One thing about getting sick though. I wouldn't have to worry about how much carbs I'm taking since I don't eat anything at all! It's been three days of "crash diet" for me. Been sustaining myself with jellos, believe it or not. So in the future I'd probably end up thin - but diabetic! Excellent.

Okay. Going to watch Grey's Anatomy now and then straight to bed! Wouldn't want to have a relapse. heh! Plus the sound of my lungs purring just gets to me. At least I won't hear it when I'm asleep.

Be well, everyone!

ps: The Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix trailer just gave me the chills!! Ooh! Can't wait 'til July 13th!

Hellooo December!

We meet again.
It's been a full year and I've missed you, old friend.

I think all relationships should be like this; full of surprises, always something new to learn. Just remember last year's tears that I shed for the almost-horrible birthday! It started awful in the beginning but you made it up right in the end.
And now you're still.. my favourite month.

Oh, always.. always..



ps: 4x09 of One Tree Hill was absolutely brilliant!! Somehow it surpassed House's exceptional crankiness in 3x09. hahha!