I am weak.

It's raining out. The clock says it's a quarter to 2. I just finished the last few pieces of those tinned rambutan in syrup 'cause that's what I found in the fridge. I just felt the need to chew something while actively pondering, "no bread for a week?"

In case you haven't heard, I am trying to lose some meat. Not too sure about the pounds since the scale says I'm at the right BMI, but most of the people around me have been saying that I'm getting wider.. or thicker.. and it's really really bugging me.

It's one thing when you are fat and people say that you are.
It's another when people look at you and say, "oh, you're not as thin as I thought you were.." That's just depressing on a whole new level.
And I got a new line just a few days ago.. "your cheeks look fat.."

I'm not going to cry over those 'cause that's just.. pathetically VAIN. But really.. it doesn't make me want to jump with joy either.
Is it necessary for you to be that mean? Seriously? What ever happened to treat people like the way you want to be treated? Because really, I've never treated anyone like that.

I honestly have NO idea why everyone keeps a tag on everybody else's body. Seriously.. is that everyone ever cared about??
"Oh, I saw her the other day.. She gained some weight from the last time we saw her.."
Doesn't that sound just ridiculous? Is it true that human being are really this shallow?? That is just sad. Truly.

Thank God I actually know the downsides of aneroxia and bulimia. No way I'm heading towards that anytime soon. I'm just.. mostly upset that I've been hearing enough people talking about my body to start cutting down eating bread.
Malaysian's staple food is rice, but I'm never too keen on rice. So really.. taking away bread is taking away my staple food. sigh.

Now you know why I prefer strangers than friends. I'm stupid enough to listen to what they think. Not just that they've already told me enough secrets for me to have a system overload! But me, being a secret keeper is another story.
For now, just for notes.. I did a few sit-ups just now and I think I pulled a muscle on my back.

I hate it when I conciously know that an act of rebellion right about now won't do me any good.

Anyway.. on a different note (just as upsetting). Since it's been raining this past couple of days, you drivers.. Please drive carefully. I took this picture on Monday on my way back from KL. Even a BMW couldn't stop you from spinning on a wet road. Okay?