Of showers and strangers.

The two had never occurred simultaneously, I swear.

Have you ever thought that taking a shower is a waste of time?
I mean, if you take 20-30 minutes for a shower.. a lot of things can happen in that time and you're missing it all 'cause you're in the bathroom! The least exciting room in the house. I think we should only take one when we're covered in muck.. or did something that made us sweat like pigs.. or when you're already smelling like a rotten tomato in a worn sock for skipping too many showers. Imagine the water we could save! See.. I'm only thinking about the future here.
hahahha! Obviously I haven't been writing for so long that I've started writing rubbish. May I just note though, that I have nothing against taking baths. They have relaxing properties and I think everyone should relax more.

On to the second part of the title..
this was what my horoscope said a few days ago;

A new person may come into your life and make a big impact on it. At first you may be reminded of someone from your past, but later you see this person is like no one you've ever known.

I find it.. very interesting as I've made a few acquaintances on Facebook. Really cool ones that I'd like to keep -- and I'm not usually the kind who "keeps".

Rai mentioned the other day how he's not particularly good at making friends, (but you're excellent at keeping them, pet!) Well, I strive for making a quick connection. Strangers are my favourite persons on Earth. (I figured it's because of the fact that I'm naturally aloof.)
Committed, I am not. Friendly, I can be.


Then somehow I was reminded of Ned and Chuck (Pushing Daisies); how two people can connect and become so close, yet so far.. I am making a connection here but I hardly know you at all.
I'm embracing it, it's new.. and exciting.. and a little sad.
They say;

distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Unfortunately I have only mastered the art of being at a distance.. but I keep missing the part where my heart grows fonder.

Aaah.. it's never good to leave me alone for too long at nights. This is what I'll do.. thinking.. wondering about things that I can't seem to figure out. I just think too much sometimes.
Hope your nights (and days) are going better.

ps: Just changed the layout.. before the previous one hits one year! God, that is the longest time I didn't change layouts! Ten full months!

Broken.

Lifehouse

I hate it when I'm being portrayed (by myself nonetheless) as dark, depressed and lost.. lost.. completely lost.


Hiatus is now in commence.

hmm...

I must say.. the perfect way to confuse me is by putting two of my favourite teams on the pitch.

Manchester United against Newcastle United tonight.
I had spent the entire game half-laughing, half-upset.. completely perplexed.

It's like.. Man U was my brother and Newcastle was my boyfriend.
Sure, blood is thicker than water and that's why you're on your brother's side. Still.. you'd rather not have him beat up your boyfriend by 6 to nil!! That's just -- sad! How could he!
And then he LAUGHED! grrr. Fine, I have bad tastes in men but that doesn't give him the rights to laugh at the boyfie! geez.

I know I have an odd way of putting analogies but that's basically how I'd felt through the excruciating second half of the game. sigh.
And Smudger got sent away for blowing up at the referee. Not surprising at all but still.. upsetting.

Anyway, I'm still not over what ever that was on my mind earlier. I'm still as upset as I was when I wrote the entry before this but let's just say that right now.. at this very moment.. I am too confused about the football match to be depressed.

Show me a darker side than you.

I am feeling guilty.
I feel like apologizing. Maybe to God. Maybe to myself. To myself mostly.
I don't think I'm taking life as seriously as I should. I'm grateful for so many things.. just as much as I forget about them.
It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. Sorry, me.

Sorry for having so many things to be angry about.
Sorry for being easily saddened about life.
Sorry for hardly appreciating myself. I hardly feel that this body deserves the soul it's been given.
I'm sorry that depression is one word away. Crying without a reason is no longer embarrassing because it comes too often.

Sometimes it amazes me how empty my words are.
I seemed to be speaking but no one ever listens.
It's incredible.
Incredibly depressing -- but hey! If anybody listens to me now, I'd only think that they've read this. Too late.

Some people just can't be helped. They simply need to help themselves first before anyone can lend a hand.
It's scary to think that I'm most probably beyond help. For one, I don't even trust myself -- thus I'm lost, beyond reach.. detached.

I am.. your little screwed up friend.
Who is tired of being tired.
And yet doing nothing to change the world.
I am.. blaming myself for myself.
Sorry, me.

McFly - She Falls Asleep (Part 2)

I'm Posting It.

I'm Posting It.

DAMNED BLOODY BUSY

The thing about writing notes..

When it is for me.. to me.. I would definitely keep it.
Even when it's a hate note.
Just so I could remember...

Reasons to despise you..

When I'm in love..you'll know.

I'm thinking.. wishing.. and hoping of a day.
When somehow everything clicked and all these makes sense.
I suppose every one of us is searching for a certain something in their lives, and if that is really true.. I am not so different from you after all.

Ray LaMontagne - Can I Stay

This song makes my mind wander off pretty far.
Damn my dreams!

Here's one thing that I've never said out loud--
the reason why I'm always stressed and eventually hate myself is really.. because I have a dream and expectations for myself. I never really cared what other people said about me -- all I ever cared about is ME; what I think about myself. You could say I'm selfish but really.. if you have ME in YOUR head, you'd be just as same.
My dreams.. my guilt.. are screwing me up. And hey, if you think that I'm pointing a finger for blame, take a minute and go figure out who I am really blaming.

It's been an odd week of secrets and confessions -- and it's only Wednesday! I can't honestly say how it affects my brain and heart. They're naturally jumbled up to begin with so somehow these new revelations just easily mixes up with the rest.

sigh. I wish I would stop sighing.
I wish there wasn't a word such as "sigh" so I wouldn't know how to sigh in the first place.

Anyway, I'm tired of saying this but I'll say it again just for the heck of it;
I need to get my life on track.

O yeah, I was inspired for a new blog layout -- finally! So I'm slightly cheered for the fact that I am no longer stuck in that area. heh.

Ten Foot Pole.

Now, if you've visited this blog in this past couple of hours, you'd probably witnessed an odd looking entry. Well, sorry for that. I believe I had mis-clicked the "publish" button instead of "save" as I had intended to. geez.
Moving on..

Jason Mraz - You And I Both

There is just something with this song that whenever I listen to it, it'd take my thoughts to a couple years back when I first heard it. humm..
And I will say no more of it for fear of my heart be known. hahhaha!

Speaking of Mraz.. recently I saw a video of him performing in Berlin and woww.. if I was the camera-woman, I think I'd definitely drop the camera out of nerves.
Doesn't matter the fact that I'm not that into Jason Mraz in the first place. hahha! But without a doubt, Mraz is an incredible performer.. (Just stand there singing with a guitar and I'd be drooling, really.)

You know what, I think I'll definitely name my child starting with the letter "J". I mean, at the top of my head I could think of at least 5 people I admire with names that started with J; Austen, Morrison, Chasez, Mraz, Rowling..
Really. J is the letter.

I have this hankering feeling that I should share with you some real thoughts but somehow I can't seem to bring myself to a single thought of substance -- and for that, I am sorry. (At myself mostly.)
I suppose there are just some days when I am simply.. out of reach.
Write to you later.

P.S: I remember perfectly that I've said that I won't put up anymore songs on this blog.. But now that I'm using Flock, I am no longer experiencing the stress I've had when I was using Opera! So I say there's no longer a harm in embedding file songs. yeayy!

I'm Pissed.

Must be boring to constantly read about how pissed I am.
Like I care.
Ever thought how annoying, frustrating and boring it is to be pissed constantly??
Fuck it.

Anyway, dear hobbits.
Scratch tomorrow for any chance of a picnic. I'm too pissed about everything. Even the thought that it's almost eight and if it's a go, it'll be too late for me to think of what I should get and going out to get it is making me tremble with fury.
Damn it!

I feel the need to do a lobotomy right now -- and over doing it.
I am tired of being tired.
Shit.

Paramore - Conspiracy

I'm Posting It.

There's Something About Red Meat.

I am such a carnivore..
I know.. I'll probably be skinnier and more fit if I become a vegetarian or at least eat loads more of vegetables, but MAN! How any one can resist a good slab of meat is beyond me!

I've been really hooked with one of Facebook's application called My Heroes Ability. *insert big laugh here* It's crazy -- crazy fun! I'm seriously addicted to get as many "Ability Points" as I can get that it even got me messaging strangers to help me out! hahahha! Crazy, and FUN come to think about it. It kinda brings people together, which is always cool in my book!
I think I've been doing a LOT of that lately -- messaging strangers. But somehow I don't feel too awkward with it.

Anyway, I'll try to come up with an entry of some substance some time later, yeah?

Currently addicted to:

Paramore

Screw Resolutions!

Who am I kidding?
Really. hahahhaha!
I'm a real sucker for silly traditions so I can't help myself from making resolutions every single year even though I was never really serious about making them happen. You know, it's the thought that counts, right? heehee.

So how did you celebrate new year's?
Mama, Dida and myself had spent the entire day at home that Mama had to say at the end of the day; "Baiknye anak Mama duk rumah hari ni" ("So nice that my children stayed at home today") hahhha!
Then when Papa came back, he asked; "Didn't anyone go out today?" -- We said "no" and he continued, "At all?"
That kind of gives you a general idea what sort of children we really are, yeah?

Actually, it's quite incredible.. I haven't touched the ground (since I am after all living in a flat!) since the new year! Perhaps tomorrow I should just go down for the heck of it. Except.. I can't stand the heat these days! It's terrible! I have been staying still in one spot as not to make any vigorous moves that'd make me sweat. hahhaha!

Anyway, I finished reading Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony just before new year's and let me say that it was INCREDIBLE! I can't believe I actually shed tears for Artemis Fowl! ahhaha! The story definitely got better. To think that I've been putting off reading the book for a while.. what was I thinking??
Really looking forward to the next installment later this year! yeayy!

I'm sorry that this is practically an empty entry. I just don't think I should start the year with something heavy, hence -- frivolity!

So I've been spending weeks figuring out my resolutions for this year. (Yes, for something that I don't take too seriously, I do think about it a LOT!)
I can only find one so far.. as I still have last year's resolutions in mind. It's the guilt.. I'm really hating it.
The one I'll try to work on for now:
Find my words so I can express myself better.
Curious, right? I've had this blog for FIVE freakin' years, for God's sake and I still need to find a way to communicate better! geez.

Okay! I'll let you know if I find anything else I feel that I should be working on later. Have a good year, everybody!