mmmpfft.

Sarcasm aside..

I am now really upset about not having my Fb account. It's not like I'm saying that my life has no meaning now, heh. But.. it feels like it's been.. extremely and excruciatingly.. quiet.

bleh. Stupid really.. I know it's only been a few hours, but I feel like my heart just dropped an inch from where it's supposed to be.. and I have a headache that doesn't seem to want to go away.
Oh yes, I'm having Fb/MHA withdrawal ladies and gents. Give it time and I will start puking my last meal.

mpph. Really sick in the stomach. And I honestly can't bring myself to send another email to Fb. I feel too close to crying. damn it!!
ughh.. I feel so sick in the stomach.

And I'm in a chatroom where everyone is talking about MHA stuff.. hahahhaha! (again, if you haven't heard me say this before.. I'm only laughing to keep myself from crying.) So that's probably just stupid. Really really stupid. Guess I've been a bit too stupid these past few days.

But anyway, I thought I shouldn't be selfish and just take my time off alone like I usually would.. that is not the way to be a good friend right? heh. *curses under breath*

Paramore - Miracle

Spammalot.

Your account has been disabled by an administrator. If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page here.

Oh thank you why, supremely wise Facebook.

Some random thoughts perhaps..

You know.. I don't usually like myself (don't ask!) but if there's one thing in particular that I actually really like.. it'd be the fact that I can go out by myself doing nothing special, without feeling the least bit awkward.

I know, it's probably not a big thing.. but it is to me.. somehow. Kinda proud of it even! hahha! Guess there is a good thing that comes out from being a semi-reclusive. (hahh!)

So I've been thinking.. since this whole MHA thing started, all I ever do is sit in front of the laptop and talk to my fellow Illums.. chat about silly things with Eeva.. talk with Sher.. exchange taunts with TJ.. get teased by Mark, Jacob and Tony.. (o yeah, I am so name dropping here!) and get completely distracted by Will.. I mean, I talk to these people every single day and I haven't even met them!

Makes me think.. when was the last time I talk to the friends I've met. hahahha! God, I am SUCH a horrible friend. kan Azraai kan? heehee.

Then somehow those got me thinking about my year's resolution -- the one I haven't made yet. I always have it every year (and never achieving them) but hey, why mess with tradition, right?

So in 2008, I would like to:

1. be a better friend. hehe!
2. finish my freakin' manuscript!! grrr.
3. umm.. learn to be more focused and patient so I can actually achieve resolution #2! heehee.
4. scribble something on my Moleskine everyday.
5. get a JOB!! wahahahaha!!
6. learn to go to sleep early (or at least earlier!)
7. cut down coffee (and ciggies!) but really.. keep me happy and the ciggies can actually disappear. Amazing.

Oh, and I'm suddenly thinking about this poem by EE Cummings;

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

baahhh, I'm mushy, it's pathetic :P

*chuckles at fortune cookie*

Now wouldn't that be nice?

Natalie Imbruglia - Counting Down The Days

Oy.. you're making me lightheaded.

..and I'm loving every single moment of it!

Ever noticed that I write.. differently when I'm.. different? haha! I make less sense during these times. blehh.. for someone who isn't too open about her feelings, mine is pretty apparent.

Okay, if you have Facebook (yes yes.. I'm addicted), try doing this quiz thingy! Of course, I love this kind of stuff so I HAD to do it. And the best part is that I don't even have to send any invites to see the results! Way cool..

I got INFP (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving) which must be really true because I got that when I did the one on Tickle as well.. heh. So anyway, there is this one part that just.. hit the nail on the head.

For the INFP, love is a very deep commitment, and one that is not easily attained. They have ideals, and therefore reality may be carefully scrutinized.

INFPs may have difficulty sharing their feelings about others. They keep so many of those feelings inside that they may forget to tell their partner how much they love and appreciate them. They also need reminders of their partner's love.

When things go wrong in a relationship, the INFP takes it to heart but does not readily discuss it with others. They may not be willing to communicate to let others know how they are feeling. When scorned, they are very hurt and may overreact in an almost maudlin way.

haha! It's embarrassing to read about yourself as that, but I just couldn't deny something that is just so.. annoyingly true. Maudlin.. yeah, I can be SUCH a child.. I can't help it.

The INFP does not devote their intense feelings towards just anyone, and are relatively reserved about expressing their inner-most feelings. They reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few who are closest to them.

Slow to trust others and cautious in the beginning of a relationship, an INFP will be fiercely loyal once they are committed.

I am slow.. up to the point that I can get my emotions and communication pretty much stumped. I think I have this fear if the things that I say won't be reciprocated. Or I get a dead lull instead. sigh. That'd be too sad, so I'd rather not say the things that runs through my head.. or heart. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Okay, moving on!
I helped Dida and her team with her company's treasure hunt event on Saturday. I swear I'd felt like I was working on a call centre, having to answer the phone every 20 minutes. Smart though, having someone to be in front of the internet and search for answers. Plus, it had also made me feel smart when I can answer the questions and puzzles without the internet! Always a plus PLUS in my book! hehe.

She didn't win though.. got disqualified when her car broke down. Something about something in the something. hehe. (Like I would know anything about cars -- or even remember the parts of it.)
Yet.. she gave me a 50 for helping out! wooohoo! I like easy money! Girls, wanna hang out? hahahha! (I really am incapable of saving money.)

Okay. Stopping now. I'm so distracted with anything/everything else that I'd spent the last 5 minutes just trying to remember what I'd really wanted to do. blah.
Oh God, look at the time.. eeep!

Someone Will definitely love this.

McFly - The Way You Make Me Feel

Suppose you could say that I'm being ridiculous again.. but I don't care. I'm in a pretty good place.. grinning a lot.. (as much as I've been day-dreaming though, so I'm not sure if that's good) and impressively, generally happy. I mean, I couldn't find a reason to smoke, that must be a good thing right? haha.

Anyway, I have to get myself off Facebook and mIRC to write this out or I'll never write it.

Nina had been in Shah Alam for the last couple of nights so that was fun. Dida is always sleepy by the time she got home so it was nice talking to Nina for a couple of minutes before she falls asleep. heh. Plus, I get the chance to gang up with Nina and tease Dida for a change! Oh the things I have to put up with for being the youngest sibling..

Last night the three of us were in KL and was having dinner together.. that was really nice. But being 5-6 years apart from them will always make me feel a bit different I guess; I'm old enough to vote but I still feel like a little sister when I'm with them. Like a little little kid.. tailing their older siblings, hoping that that'll get 'em feel just as cool as the older kids.
That's just how my brain works I suppose.

Oh, remember that entry when I wrote about the article on Time magazine? On the power of birth order.. Well, Nina and Dida were joking about that last night. They were saying how it was Nina's fault.. that she'd finished university being in lower second-class, so Dida ended up finishing at upper third-class.. Thus why I didn't finish college altogether! HAHHAHAHA!! God, I love my hilariously demented sisters.

Okay. I'm going to let this laptop rest for a while. And I am getting a little sleepy myself. 'Til the next entry! Hope you guys are having awesome days..

Try a little tenderness.

I've never been too keen with Jazzy music. They make me sleepy. Too sleepy. But I'm having an awful night.. something someone did just pisses me off and yet somehow I'm finding this song.. very calming.

Michael Buble

She may be weary
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she's weary
Try a little tenderness

She may be waiting
Just anticipating
Things she may never possess
While she's without them
Try a little tenderness

It's not just sentimental
She has her grief and her care
But a word so soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear

You won't regret it
Women don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Try a little tenderness

But a word
Soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear

You won't regret it
Cause women don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Just try a little tenderness
You've gotta try

You've gotta hold her
You've got to squeeze her
You have to try
You've got to try
And always please her
You won't regret it
You won't regret it
Oh, try a little tenderness
Hmm.. haven't done that for ages.. posting lyrics I mean. But anyway..
I like it when my heart flutters. It's annoying (mostly because I'm scared, of course).. but I do like it when it flutters. Annoying though. heehee.

I swear I could almost just-- fall.

You know, for someone who writes as small as she can so she could "save the trees", I use a LOT of post-its to doodle on. Horrible...

Well the internet was gone for four hours on Saturday.. and came back on.
Then the hd crashed on Sunday night and gets fixed the very next day..
Photoshop and the scanner configurations was gone but now they've all been installed..
So I don't have anymore excuse to not blog now, do I? No more dawdling, here's a long enough entry that could possibly make your eyes spin; (I'm lying.)

It's almost self-explanatory now, when I get quiet.. I'll be in Pyongyang. And no, not the real Pyongyang, but the one on that damned Heroes game in Facebook! haha! Crazy. Crazy fun.

But lets talk about real.. actual.. I can touch you-- life. heh.
Went to a very nice dinner with Ana and Bahijah the other day. (yeah yeah.. Ilsa and Ilmi was there too) It was what I called a pre-Valentine dinner since it was Valentine's eve. We got all dressed up and everything which is always a plus plus in my book!
It's been a while since I saw them so it was really nice, catching up some laughs. Wish we could've stayed out longer though.. booo mak Anaaa! ahhahahhahha!


Anyway, I'm off to a raid then off to bed -- don't bother trying to understand. heehee.

Ohh, I've been loving this song lately. Love it love it LOVE IT! Love it.

Nina Simone - Just In Time

I'm Posting It

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm lost.. completely LOST.

The hd crashed.
No computer.. no internet..

Then now it's back.. no Photoshop and it's just.. breaking my heart.
Really. I had aalll these things to write with some pictures and everything planned out and now I can't do anything. Even the scanner won't work.
And I can't find any of my old installers so I'm just lost.

Really.
I feel like running into a wall right now.

Yattaaa!

Okay, this is probably too silly to blog about but I don't care!
I got to KO someone with 800+ hp damage using Maelstrom! How cool is that?? muhahahha!

So I got KOed twice as much.. but this.. this calls for some noting down, my friends. This is quite historic! I did a full jig right after I got that KO! That is how much this game influences my life these days. haha!
Well, it's been good fun. Even when I get properly KOed -- the kind that wasn't caused by my awful internet connection, and made me stuck in the Free Far All zone longer than I had intended to.

Anyway, I figured that I'm only CRAZY about this game because I've actually made friends through it. If I had been all to myself and not chatted at all with a single stranger, I don't think I would've found a reason to get hooked on Facebook for any longer than 10 minutes.
I know that I've said strangers are my favourite people on Earth.. but really.. the strangers that becomes a friend later on are the best kinds. *wink!*

Have a wonderful Chinese New Year guys.. It's the year of the rat! OMG, I'm 24 this year! gaaaaahhh!
Also, have a good.. umm.. Lent.

I'm Posting It.

Ross Copperman

I just realized.. that what I am and how my feelings are, are not too different from one another. (okay, of course.. but!)
I'm a klutz, you see. I can easily stumble on the tiniest pebble or just caught my own feet on a perfectly even ground. And I won't even mention the times I've screwed my spatial judgement and knocked my foot/knee/hands/hips/head onto the table/chair/cupboard/door/wall -- I really am that bad.

So now I'm noticing that I've been just as clumsy with my heart. I keep falling just as hard.. just as fast.. for no particular reason. The awful spatial judgement..
And I always end up asking myself; what the heck just happened?
I thought I was fine.. until I wasn't.
Then there was just the confusion, sore bum, bruised hip.. and achy heart. And why?

..because Wanie is Wanie is Wanie is Wanie.
Haven't figured out why I am so me, yet.

For I dearly love to laugh.

-- and walk. Even when it rains.

A little sad to think that I haven't had as many walks as I would've liked these days. I should find myself more friends that are closer to home.
Except that I've never really been that consistent, and that's why it's always best to have a bit of distance; to not see the friends that I already have every single day. I'm sure they'll get bored of me if they see me all the time anyway.

I was thinking.. how annoyingly-happier I've actually been. Now I feel like I should look over my shoulders for some sad news to catch me by surprise. I know I know.. I shouldn't be thinking too much, but I am.. my own worst enemy. If she is a movie character, she'd be the super villain.
hmm.. guess I'll just have to tell myself this until I can finally submit;

The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.

Jim Rohn

Had spent the afternoon with dear Dida. She had to shop to console herself over our team's lost on Saturday. heehee. So we had parked in Pavillion.. walked around a bit and found nothing. Decided to walk over to KLCC and was caught in some rain on our way back. We had our umbrellas though -- and for what ever reason I was pretty giggly this entire day. (Well, technically it was yesterday.)
Giggly and a little dazed.


And now I'm right here.. staring at the computer again.. waiting for nothing.. Convincing myself that everything is fine.. as I hope it is.
I'm going to bed before I start obsessing.

Jimmehjinx.

Ohh! It pains.. it burns! It burns so bad! My ego.. my poor, poor ego is bruised.
Sure I can say that my mom's from Perak.. but I'm from Selangor. Doesn't matter the fact that I was actually born in KL -- I AM through and through a Selangorian.

That was the first time I've been to a game where we had lost -- and the only anomaly that was there was Dida's boyfriend. JINX! grr. Never again! If he's going, then I won't! booo! What's worse.. he's actually from PERAK!! booooooo!
Aah anyway, Akmal Rizal was rubbish and the referee was blind!
I suppose there are just nights when football simply had to suck.

I'm finding this experience.. not too different from getting a pimple.
You see, I've never been really pimply.. thus making getting one really.. really stressful. It's one thing when you wake up with a spot on your face, it's another when EVERY - SINGLE - PERSON who knows you notices it too and points it out to you. I bet if I have a resident-pimple on my face, people would just ignore it.

So at last, I saw a game where we had lost -- it is as stressful as having a huge, pink zit in the middle of my nose.

I'm Posting It.

Selangor vs. Perak
Shah Alam Stadium
February 2nd, 2008
8:45 pm

And that's where I'll be tonight.

I'm Posting It.

My English is so rusty, I could choke myself in shame!


Just so you know.. I'm not very artsy.
I just like to pretend that I am. heh.
I heard this song earlier.. liked the sound of it.

The Click Five - Empty

Readability test.

I just found out that even an elementary school kid can read my blog.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Should I be proud that EVERYONE can understand me.. or should I be offended for being so.. simple?


Ah well.. at least my other blog has a reading level of a "College (Postgrad)". Now I feel like at least, I can seem smart and educated when I try.

Well, I don't really know how that site assesses the readability of blogs.. but it's fun to see anyway.
You should try and punch in Ana's blog url on that page and see what her blog's readability is! hahhaha! It just cracks me up.
Cakap lagi menda merepek, pusing pusing.. hahhaha!

Coffee and Cigarettes.

sigh. My bad habits are definitely costing me.

This entry took daaays in the making. haha!
Anyway, to those whom had actually missed me through the hiatus.. you haven't missed much. My entire life is pretty much at a stagnant that the hiatus couldn't come at a more perfect time than this.

It's pretty rare to get me really speechless. Really really speechless. At least if I'm not saying or writing something, I'd be thinking of something but these days I have been really.. really speechless.
I know I've been wishing for my thoughts to be quiet for a couple of times but this might be even too quiet for my own good. Ah well, at least I've managed to take a real hiatus for once! haha.
So, here's what you've missed;

I saw two love stories in one week; get this, Atonement aaannd Cloverfield! hahahhaha! I am going to tag Cloverfield as a love story no matter how you'd tell me that it's not. I've seen it and I'm telling you, it's a LOVE STORY! heehee.
Anyway, I loved Atonement. I thought it was a brilliant play of feelings. sigh. You know, I wouldn't want a love that is easy (oh why God, You made me this easily bored) but I don't think I'll live in a relationship that is so hard either.

I also went to see football at the stadium.. in the rain for the very first time. (Also the first for year 2008.) It was odd but it had brought me a quiet sense of accomplishment somehow. The crowd was scarce, but we were there.. with the team.. in the cold wet night. Ah well, count on me to find poetry in it. But this poet also has a foul mouth -- I cursed.. SO BAD that night! hahha! You could say that the people who turns up for a football match on a rainy night are rather nutty. Loyal, passionate.. and nutty. The men sitting around me and my sister were pretty animated; I had fun soaking in the crazy atmosphere. (Really, when have you ever read me complain about going to the stadium?)

Dida and I got into a small accident on the way back but I'm not going into that. The argument that had followed was too moronic to write about.

That very next day I went bowling with some friends. Met up with Ana at the commuter station.. walked around the mall and even hung around Coffee Bean before meeting up the boys! We just love our girl talks I suppose. ahahhaha! *clears throat* We did feel a little bad for taking too much time before joining them at the bowling alley.

Wasn't feeling for a game actually. Lack of sleep have always made me moody (or kooky).. or quietly cranky. But I was talked into it and I ended up having fun! (To not suck at something is always fun!) Only I got three points behind Ablen! grrr. Rematch!! heehee.

And now since Ana had mentioned it, I'm hankering to sing my throat/lungs out at a karaoke! Well, that's another thing I don't suck at so.. Anaaaa.. bila nieeee??

I've taken a fondness for Twitter. It's that text you see on the post-it on your most right. (I also added it on my Facebook.) I like the thought that I can give you a quick update with my phone -- even though it'd require me to send my text to a UK number. Oh well.. details. pshh!

Okay, since I haven't said this before over here (I checked..) I am completely and absolutely adoring Facebook and Flock! Even though Facebook thinks I'm a spammer, I still love it for the friends I've made and of course.. My Heroes Ability! (which had led me to making all those friends actually!) hahhaha. So if you're not on Fb, you should.. if you haven't added MHA on your applications, you really should. heehee.

That's it for now.
aaah.. it's good to be back!
--and today isn't Saturday. heehee.