The Quest of Becoming Somebody (Part 6)

The pounding of my heart.

Have I told you that I hate confrontations? Well, "hate" is such a strong word.. it's more like.. an utter dislike.
I probably shouldn't have said that.. now no one wants to tell me anything. ha!

I like the idea of being open to discussions.. but I utterly dislike it when I get all nervous.. heart's pounding.. shaky hands -- yeah, I get all that from confrontations. They wreck my nerves so bad, somehow. Acting cool is not at all plausible.

Having to focus on that other person as they focuses on you alone...
Scary.

I am.. having a pang in my heart.. so much so that it's making my head spin. If only I am capable of word-vomit and just say what ever things that runs through my mind.
Would things be easier, I wonder..

I sometimes wish that things would.. but then I know I'll get bored with that. But when things are too hard, I will have no hope for it.
What the heck am I trying to say??!
shit.

I'm not even sure if this entry should be one of the "Quest", but I guess it is. I'm trying my hardest to learn myself.. and I am not making it easy. blah.

Damn feelings. I think I'll just go cry in my bed.. or smoke.
Probably the latter.

Avril Lavigne - Tomorrow

This is the part when I run.
And this is the part where you shouldn't wait for my return. As a matter of fact, NO ONE should! I am not the one you should wait.. I don't deserve it. I can't comprehend it. Why the hell would anyone wait for someone as messed up as me. God!