Ke-si-aaan

Long day. Sort of.
Remind me to wash my hair later during the day. Dida called me at the last minute this afternoon, I couldn't bear to keep her waiting just so I could wash my hair. blah.

We went to KLCC to use that rebate-coupon-thingy that we got from Marks & Spencer. Bought Nina some supposedly-maternity clothes, but well.. she doesn't really need "maternity clothes".. We ended up getting her a top that is 2-sizes bigger than her usual size. heh.

Honestly there isn't anything particularly interesting today.
Except maybe the fact that Rai called for the freakin' SECOND TIME in one month!! I swear I almost fainted. BWAHAHAHHAHA!! (an exaggeration of course..)
Dida had noticed a pattern apparently. She didn't have to ask who was it on the phone 'cause I always talk so loud when Rai is on the other end of the line. Nuts. There's always something to shout at him. gaah!

Actually, I get pretty hysterical whenever one of my old school friends calls. I think there's something about the fact that we've known each other for years.. so we know exactly how to make the other tick.. and laugh.
But but.. I must say, that my favourite favourite thing about knowing my friends for as long as I have known them is the fact that I could throw curses at them and they'd know that I don't actually mean them! hahahahha!!

Okay, so June is.. a day away. sigh.
I actually like June. It reminds me of Geminis, and I'm partial towards them (obviously!) But.. it's June... I had spent half a year, doing nothing to achieve my year's resolution -- which sucks.

blah. I keep feeling the need to grow up more and more -- which really sucks!
And I'm nervous. I don't like thinking ahead 'cause they make me nervous. Plans makes me nervous. So now I'm nervous because I'm thinking about my "plans". Oh, and obviously.. I REALLY don't like talking about them because -- they make me nervous! :P

As mundane as every other day..

I'm bored.. yea yeaa.. nothing new there.
Just thought I'd post something and let you know that I'm still alive. Which I am, currently at least.

I need to stop writing about plans and just set them in motion. I'm tired of talking and I just want to DO!
Talking, believe it or not, is making me tired and frustrated.
More tired than frustrated.

And I believe, the bed is calling my name. It's times like this when I'm rather attached to it.

mm.. yeaa.. so..

I think I'm upset.
heh. And typically me.. you'll hardly ever hear me saying that to the person who upsets me. Maybe because I'm upset at myself most of all.. Rather than not having the person upset me, I would much rather not be upset in the first place.
Get it?

I have no idea why, but I find it easier to blame myself than other people.
I have a theory.. that my mind had the idea of "independence" pretty much messed up.

I keep on wishing that I hadn't wanted half the things that I want.
I wish it hadn't bothered me, but it does.
I wish I didn't care, but it's too late.. 'cause I do.
More time.. I wish for more time.

mmph. I'm fine really.. I just need to grow up.
I'm fine.. I'll be fine.. until then, I'll just pretend that I'm fine. It isn't hard, not at all. I'm fine.

Puzzled puzzle..

mm.. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking of half the things that I think about. They're hardly relevant or significant. Yet another self-inflicted pain.. but since I have a low threshold for pain, instead of picking up a razor blade.. I picked up a random thought and obsess over it. I'm maiming my mind with unnecessary thoughts.

ughh.. Don't ask me what I'm thinking about. My thoughts are SO lame, I feel like the voice of my head is even mumbling to itself. I feel like taking a break but from what, I have no idea.
Okay, I think I'm just freaking out about life in general and I'm freaking out even more for the fact that I can't run away from life. I'm hyperventilating.
Give me a minute.
.
..
...

Okay, I probably should stop thinking altogether and take a breather. My health has been declining for the past two days and I refuse to catch a flu or a fever. eww.
I am now... ignoring my thoughts.
I am.. praying that that would work.

Danity Kane - Damaged

Thank you hunny!

David Cook - Always Be My Baby

Glory Glory!

bwahahahahaha!!

"European Champions".. seriously.
The game was excruciating! I mean.. really.. my broadcast was lagging and I was in a chatroom where there were four other who were watching the game. By the time it got to the penalties, I had to look away.. my stomach could barely take it. I thought I was going to puke. haha!

But it was really nice.. that we won. I feel bad for Terry, but bah, Chelsea! hahha!

Side note: Really, I simply cannot stop ogling at Vidic whenever the camera pans towards him. gaah! Perfect body-type, anyone? hahahha!! Dida agreed anyway, heh!

Moving on! David Cook won American Idol. I wasn't really following this year's Idol but I am partial to him since I accidentally saw his rendition of Billie Jean.

Other than those non-important things that has nothing to do with me particularly, there isn't anything else really.. bah!
Time passes so quickly and yet.. bleh.
I wonder if I don't think of half the things that I think of.

I lost count..

I was out the whole day on Monday.. I forgot how many ciggies I smoked. A LOT, I know. I should probably stop actually, but I'm not saying why since it'd sound like a really solid reason to stop and I refuse to believe that I have a solid reason to stop. I'm in denial. hahahha!! Plus, I need a vice. I'm already a goody-goody as it is. bleh.
Don't think about asking me what that reason is Sylly. I bet you'd start nagging me about stopping if I tell you. boo.

So I met up with the girls in Midvalley..
After a bit of walking around with Ana, we decided to just go to San Fran and sat around as we wait for Bahijah. Pretty cool actually! The manager recognized me and when we got inside he was already one step towards the smoking area before he asked.. more like making sure that we wanted to be seated at that area. hahahaha!

We decided to get something light, so Ana ordered the fried calamari for us to share but then the guy turned to me and asked, "black pepper?" hahhahha!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS??
It means that the next time I go there.. I could try and ask for "the usual" !!! Really, how cool is that?!! hahahhaha!! (oy, I'm easily amused, obviously)

Bahijah joined us at about 3 and only then we ordered lunch. (and I didn't have the black pepper steak, just so you know. I wasn't feeling it so I got the Alfredo.)
We yapped.. gossiped a bit (haha!) but mostly reminisce about our days in college. Alpha year mostly. Bahijah mentioned HB0 which was amusing since I just reread a bit of my old entries the other day and came across our times there.
And oh, the stupid recordings on mine and Ana's computer.. about the song/video we made for Sheeya.. heh.

We were in San Fran for 3 hours basically.. Bahijah had to leave before 7. Me and Ana walked around a bit some more before making our way to the commuter. Parted ways in Central and I got on my train back to Shah Alam.. then Mama called and asked where I was and said that Dida was on her way to KLCC so I should call her.

And I did. I got off the train at the third stop from Central and waited for Dida to come and pick me up, and we made our way to KLCC. She had wanted to buy a pressie for somebody and so I helped a bit with what I can. I guess I should be thankful for my time working in Kinokuniya.. those months in KLCC had gotten me familiar with the shops (and fire escapes, obviously!) (uh, I guess that's an inside joke.) I led Dida to D'NATA; awesome shop, my kind of shop.. Me and Dida fought over the right colour of paper and ribbons but it turned out AWESOME! I swear, I could probably start a career at gifts-presentation. hahahha!

Then we went to get dinner. Headed towards Chilli's at first but it was packed.. so guess where we went next....
SAN FRAN!!
hahahahhaha!! But Midvalley's is waaaaaayy better than KLCC's. I probably should email them about it later. heh.

Oh, this is SUCH a boring entry...
I should just go to bed.

Oh.. my.. God!

Just saw this week's episode of House and Bones.. and oh my God..
omg omg omg!
Like.. ughh.. the first word that came out from my mouth at the ending of those two episodes were "shit!"

Okay.. going to watch CSI: NY now.. if I can get my head around.. things.

Oh earlier, I finally saw Evening. I find it.. a little poignant.
It was about a woman and her mistakes.. which turned out not to be mistakes after all! hahaha. Ah well, basically it was about her last thoughts while in her death bed.. her regrets. It was slow.. but I felt like I learned something. heh.

Also, I finally saw Iron Man last night. I laughed when the title came out; Orang Besi -- whaaa?! hahahahha! Sometimes I feel like those translators were actually being funny and not actually simply translating the English words ver batum. (At least I would like to think that they have some bit sense of humour than just being stupid.)
And yeah.. the movie was as good as everyone else had told me.

As you can see.. my day had been pretty uneventful today so there's nothing much to blog about.

Stupid video clip, still make me cry..

I forgot..

I know I had something to write about two hours ago.. then I waited.. and waited.. and now I forgot what it was. sheesh!

hmm.. you know how people say stupid things when they're drunk?
I think I say the stupidest things when I'm half-asleep. It's my version of being drunk; when my brain is barely functioning.
I used to talk in my sleep. Used to. These days I only smile or grasp for something that isn't really there. ughh.

May I just say that I don't really feel like blogging today, but I just feel like I should write something. But I think I'm going to waste some paper and ink now..
Oh, my head was repeating this song when I woke up in the middle of last night..

Sixpence None The Richer - Melody Of You

-_-'

So I spent most of my weekend on a bus..
Malay weddings.. yadaa yadaa.. I guess I should say that it's been my family thing as well; road trips. Not sure when it started but I remember we went to Penang on a bus for Nina's wedding.. for Abang Min's Jasmin's side.. (who am I trying to kid.. I've never called him "Abang Min" before! I guess it's just the same as I've never called my sisters Kak--something before, so it's only fair! hahahha!)

We went to Johor during the weekend.
Let's see.. activities in the bus include; eating, staring out at the window as we got stuck in a jam for 2 hours.. (like really.. stuck STUCK with absolutely nowhere to go 'cause there was an accident with a lorry with steel beams just 4km ahead. haha!) umm.. what else.. sleeping, yes. Playing with the kiddies, talking with the couzies, also.. UNO! hahahha!


We pretty much arrived at our chalets after 9 freakin' hours!!
Then most of us went to the beach after putting our things.. I was there too.. but not really.. heh. Basically I did nothing much at the beach except for staring out to the sea..
Later we were back on the bus.. went to some place for dinner.. and I actually almost dozed off on the way back. (which I did the minute I got back to the chalet and my head hit the pillow.)

I got a little irritated in the morning. Everyone woke up TOO EARLY, in my opinion. hahha! They're all ready and showered at 8AM.. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!! It was Sunday! Sleep in a bit!! But nooooo.. they were up.. and was having breakfast.
So what did I do? Skip shower and have breakfast! hahhahaha!! After breakfast, the kids were up for the beach again.. and well, there really is nothing much to do over there..

Kinda amazing, really.. the sea was at low tide in the morning and we had to walk pretty far until we reached the water. The few puddles of sea water left some really interesting (yet icky) wildlife. The kids (my smaller cousins) were really cute.. they identified the critters as Mr. Crabs and Patrick! hahahha! Spongebob were missing though..
And there were a couple of sea cucumbers in those puddles (really
icky.. like.. REALLY!) and Cik Midah actually took some of them back. err.. I'm a bit curious though.. if she could actually turn them into one of those remedial oils.

I think I was there for a good hour.. Then I walked back towards the chalets with my cousins Sarah, Hannah and Anis. I couldn't wait for Nina.. the kiddies just wouldn't come out of the water before everyone else, and I had enough dosage of the sun.

I got a bit of nap before getting my shower.. then I had to rush around getting ready and pack my things. haha!
Oh, FYI.. our family was only on one bus. The second one in the pic was Cik Nas' family (Fariza's mom). baah.. Malay weddings.. Malay family.. (mine at least!) it'll probably take a full hour to actually explain things to a non-Malay, so I'm not going to try very hard in here. heehee.

The event wasn't bad. And I'm saying that after deducting the fact that we WERE in the bus for 9 hours the previous day. The food was good enough.. and the dessert! wooo! Tau-hu-fa!! (Tofu jelly) That was seriously unconventional.. I mean, nobody had ever served that in a wedding, or if they have, I've never been to them but I was pleasantly surprised that they did! And yeah, I had two servings of them. hahhaha!!

We stayed for over an hour.. and headed back towards the bus and made our way back to "civilization" as Tau had put it. haha! I changed to my shirt and jeans in the bus with my girl cousins stared; wondering how I manage to pull it off without having any bit of my skin showing (practice, darlings.. Practice makes perfect.) They all had to wait for the rest stop to change, as my dad and Tau wondered when and where I did it. muahahaha!! I was amazing, I tell ya'. HAHAHAHAHA!

The journey back was pretty much uneventful. A lot of sleeping and daydreaming. Mostly trying to sleep but ended up daydreaming. heh. But I love that there was Baskin Robbins at one of the rest stops that we went to! heehee.
Dida and Syl updated me on the F1 race and football so I became the announcer on the bus. Not intentionally though..
I had to announce it 'cause the people who wonders about them just happened to be sitting at the front.

We arrived at Cik Halim's (my uncle, Fariza's dad) house around 11pm.. we all got our bags out from the bus, standing around at the front of the house. Kinda reminded me of school trips when everyone waits around for their parents to come pick them up. heehee.
The trip wasn't bad at all.. I think it was almost fun, even! hahha! I mean, I always get enough distraction from getting bored.. texting, phonecalls.. doodling. It's all goooood.

And I'm only able to write/publish all of this today 'cause, people.. I had finally.. completely broke my stupid pc! wooot! I've always wanted to throw my CPU out the window.. maybe now I can.
and ohh!! GLORY GLORY!!! hahhahaha!
Have a good week, everyone.

Damn it Danny!!

Just some unnecessary update..

Ever since I've started playing MHA (plus the Writer's Strike stuff..) I haven't seen any of my favourite shows.. for MONTHS!!
I'm catching up to them now (since I've practically retired from that application on Facebook. 5 freakin' months is long enough to obsess about a game, I think! That's even longer than any of my past relationships, so.. hahahhaha!!)

Anyway, catching up to those shows in one sitting is making me slightly disoriented actually. Like, I was watching CSI: NY but I was thinking, that maggots scene was yuck!. And.. uh.. that maggots scene was actually from Bones! hahahha!
But hey, I am pretty pleased that I'm up to date on Bones, House, Grey's Anatomy and The Office now.

Oh oh!! I watched Waitress yesterday. It was neat! I love Keri Russell -- soo pretty!! hahaha! But I love the script, really. Some things on there were really witty. I just love it.

Umm.. what else.
Oh, I'll be away this weekend.. "Family time" OMG!!
The thought of being stuck with the family always make me feel.. slightly.. suffocated uneasy. Who knows really.. I might actually end up having fun. Weird actually.. I always end up having fun, but I always dreaded the thought of it. hahaha!
Ah, even I don't completely understand my psyche..

"Babi gila"

Pettt!!
hahhaha!! It is SO awesome that you called!! Especially since I've been thinking of writing an open letter to you. You know.. the kind where I shamelessly let the world know that I've missed you and that I actually have things to tell you but didn't know how to bring up -- so you'd have to pry it out of me. heehee.
Also.. the fact that we've pretty much caught up a bit on each other's lives made me feel like a WAAAY better friend than I was yesterday. HAHAHAHA!! Seriously though.. you crossed my mind like once a day for the past week. So, THAAANNKK YOUUUUU!!
And no, I haven't forwarded you any email since we hung up. muahahahahahaha!!

Anyway, here's one thing nobody knew.. yet.
I cried in my bed last night. Not to sleep though.. nothing tragic like that. Just.. for one moment.. for one very brief moment, I felt a mixture of absolute bliss and being scared shitless. hahha! And as odd as that sounds, it had somehow brought me.. a single tear.
heehee. yeah, just one. One lonely tear that ran down my left cheek. I must say that I'm now convinced that my left eye is more emotional than the right. hahaha!

I love the way I feel these days.
Even with the slight nervousness, occasional freaking out and constant constant curiosity. The great unknown is showing me things I've never seen before and I must admit that I like what I'm seeing.
I'm like the drunkard that is halfway home.. (okay, that MAY be an exaggeration but I don't care.. I just feel like saying that.)

ps: do a search on my blog for "drunkard" if that last line doesn't make sense to you.

You're a part-time lover and a full-time friend

So I finally saw Juno.
heehee. I like it, but mostly because of "Juno". Cool kid. Cool room too. haha!

It's been a weird couple of days. I don't know.. feels like a few chunks of my memory just disappeared and simply replaced by conversations.
I barely remember if I'd showered.. or what ever I did yesterday.. all there is in my thoughts are words.. words.. and more words..

Things I've said.. things you've said..
Unencumbered words.
A jumble of words.. and lines that I'm hoping not to forget.

Dida said something interesting earlier. I told her that I get freaked out at the mention of marriage.. She smiled.. looked at me carefully as if reading something written on my face, and said; "you're looking for a long-term relationship, not a commitment."
It wasn't a question.. she wasn't wondering.. It was a statement.

I told her that it's possible since I've never really been in a long-term relationship and to skip it doesn't sound quite right.
I seem to have an idea that I should try and feel everything first before settling on something, you know.. Skipping a phase or step would seem like I'll miss something. hmm.. (that's how I think anyway.)

Then Dida basically said that if it's right, it's right.. That things doesn't need to go slow. Then she added; "for a person who is easily bored though.. I wouldn't know how to help"
And now here I am left wondering still.. thinking.. worrying..

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Is it lame to say that I don't just want a lovely light. A lovely light for half a night is easy for me. I can easily say that I've had half a dozen of those.
I wouldn't mind if the light flickers throughout the night.. if it dims for a few minutes.. or for a moment it seems like dying, but held on.
And yeah, boys and girls.. I'm using that darned candle as a metaphor. blah.

I'd like to say that I'll be the light that holds on for the rest of the night. But I can't.
What I can say.. now.. is that I want to be the light that holds on for the rest of the night.
It's so selfish of me to ask, but keep me burning, will you? Throw me a wood.. a stick.. a rope.

Barry Louis Polisar - All I Want Is You

Talk dirrty to me, Ana.

Oy, I've never been glad that the weekend is over. yayy!!

Fariza, one of my cousins (err.. FYI, my dad has TEN siblings. I forgot how many cousins I have.. but I'm the tenth eldest) got married this weekend so I've been spending the Friday and Saturday in Bukit Kapar.. doing.. almost nothing. haha! Just showing my face and let the relatives know that I'm still alive really.

So anyway.. Malay weddings.. yada yadaa..
I've never been keen with weddings. Ever since I was little. Maybe it's the weather.. the thought of walking around in the sun, shaking hands with people I barely knew.. plastering a smile on my face to strangers, thanking them for stopping by.. ughh.. I'm not THAT friendly.

Although I did enjoy Nina's wedding. I thought it was the coolest! Plus, I got to invite MY friends! HAHAHAHAHA! But really.. the only wedding I'm looking forward to now is Dida's. It'd be interesting since she said that she wouldn't do anything big. HAH! We'll see how that turns out.. when she gets married.. (who knows when that is!) But soonish, I hope. I know how bothered she is about her age.

I'd wished for something to do on Saturday. Beats sitting around in front of the telly and watch some Hindi film or a Malay drama that was titled "Cinta Sibuta". I mean.. I get it if they wanted something that rhymed for a title, but that was just.. hideous. At one point I was stuck with it while everyone else (my mom, Nina, Dida and Farhana) slept. blah. I hate that I'm pretty much incapable of sleeping in an unfamiliar house.
Oh, but that pic right there was taken by Nina.. once she got up from her nap. heh.

Also, just for the record.. 2 of my cousins are now married.. another one later this year.. then there's Nina.. so.. err.. rank-wise, I should tie the knot in the next 6 weddings..? HA HA HA HA HA!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh, I probably should post a pic of the married couple yeah? But I DON'T HAVE ANY!! HAHAHHAHAHA!!! Oy, I'm awful..

So anyway, Sunday.. the day that I was looking forward to..
Got to OU around 2.. was walking around, texting.. minding my own business, when someone called my name and it was Dar with Ayin. Thought I had a few minutes to myself, completely caught me off guard. hahaha. (Then I glued my phone to my ear -- so rude, I know -- 'cause I'm pathetic at small talks! gaah!) Not long after that Ablen joined us.. then Ana.. while Bahijah was still sleeping! rawr!
blablabla.. Nothing much happened.. had lunch at Carl's Jr.. Otot came to join us.. Ayin had to leave.. then Bahijah finally arrived.. yada yadaa..

I honestly don't remember much what we talked about throughout the day. But after a while we left our table and went to find one at Nando's because they have some seats outdoors. OUTDOORS!! hahahha! Typically, I whipped out my UNO deck and we all got into some friendly rivalry. ha ha ha ha!
Dar was dethroned off his "UNO God" status -- that was fun.

Then Ana was talking dirty to all of us about the split she made at the bowling alley the last time we were all out together. (Monnnthhss ago!) It was hilarious. My stomach ached from laughing, and Ana almost cried. She was saying how she never knew she could do that big of a split.. how satisfying it was. She had compared it to a person whom haven't had a drink in a while and how relieving it was to quench the thirst. hahahha! ah, the words sounded a little more dirtier in Malay somehow. By the end of it we were all feeling really warm and decided to get inside to the a/c.

Oooh!! How can I forget this.. while we were there.. we bumped into 2 people who were wearing the same shirt as Dar!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!


Anyway, the day had been a lot of fun.
Hope we wouldn't have to wait 'til next year to do it again. (the last time the "original members" -- as Dar had put it, got together was last JUNE!!)

Now that I've written my entry of the weekend.. I can sleep in peace.. (theoretically at least.)

Your brand of heroin.

Having a bit of headache.
umm.. I blame the coffee and the lack of oxygen/blood running through my head. Between being lightheaded and with my heart skipping too many beats lately (I blame Syl!) it's a wonder how I only have a headache. heehee.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't just blame him. I blame the weather as well. It's been so warm lately.. the heat is making my head feel like it's capable of blowing up. uh.. that is an exaggeration of course, but who knows.. maybe it isn't.

Feels like I'm on a high after seeing my friends on Monday. And then.. Ana sent me a text last night asking if I was free on Sunday to hang out with some of the guys as well.. THE GUYYSS!!!! *throws hands in the air and cheers* Okay, I'm trying not to get too excited in case something came up later. blah.
I mean, I've talked to Ablen about meeting up a few weeks ago and we still haven't actually met up. So.. I'm playing it cool. hahahhaa!! I'm playing it cool with "plans".. I'm losing it.

One of my cousins is getting married this Friday/Saturday. Feels like I've been to too many weddings in the past 6 months. I am SO not getting married anytime soon.. just to spare the rest of my family from all the hassle. ha ha ha ha ha!! Marriage = hassle.. doesn't sound right, does it. hahahaha!!

Okay, so I am now more open to having.. being in a relationship (booo!!) but.. uh.. marriage.. still freaks me out, yeah. The best way to freak me out is by telling me the people my age who are getting married. hahahaha! At least my cousin is a few years older than me so other than having been to too many weddings, I have nothing else against it.

Oh anyway.. I hope I'll be in a chirpy mood come Friday and Saturday. I need to be chirpy to face a family get together. HAHAHAHA!

hmm.. Syl, your voice is ringing in my ears again. rawr! My brain keeps pulling out some random lines you've said to me.. and I can still laugh at that line that starts with "careful--".
BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!
You're such a bad influence..

Well, have a good day everyone!
And B, I'm pretty sure that this entry is understandable, yeah? :P

Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

Incredible.. I've been on this edit page since 9:30PM.. sheesh! 6 and a half hours!!