oooh?

Dida forgot to hide the modem.. or has she forgiven me completely? ♥
sigh. I probably shouldn't be using the laptop but I can't help it! eeep!
I've been riding in her car this past few days so I was able to listen to some relatively new Indon songs. (whoopee!) I needed that really.
I needed new songs to listen to as much as I needed unnecessary details on her love life, and I needed that as much as I needed to let go of my misplaced effort at being constantly angry. sigh.
Big chance that she'll hide the modem again tomorrow though. blah.
Anyway.. in case she reads this; Dida, I actually missed you.. (I hate that I'm turning into a mush..) Which is why I keep thanking you yesterday. It wasn't JUST for the hat. Thank you..

I suppose going into the new year isn't going to be so bad.
For one, I am not having any beef with anyone.. (hopefully this lasts! hahaha!) And I retrieved my watch!! Ablen, Ablen!! I found the watch that you gave me! hahahha! Well.. it wasn't really lost. Misplaced more like. I'd always thought that I dropped it somewhere around here but Jasmin handed it to me on Saturday while I was in Seremban. heehee. I'd actually "lost" the watch for three freakin' months!! Amusing though.. it was the third time I'd lost the watch.. and it got lost for three months. What's the number of the day, kids?

Loving this Indon song: since Lifelogger died, we'll have to make do with 4shared.
I'm honestly horrible at translating Indon songs because they are so poetic and my words can't seem to do it justice but the bridge and chorus basically goes like this;

I keep feeling that this longing is excruciating
really my life now feels like a disappointment
when you are not here

My dear I want you to know
my dear I want you to understand
At this second I am missing you
who are far away

I feel like running
to bring you back
into my arms.. only in my arms.

bahahhaha! So jiwang la wei. Tak tahan. I am SO one of you now, eh Bahijah? :P

Okay, I'm definitely not going to post any more blog entries until the new year, so..
Have a happy new year, everyone!
Hopefully 2009 will be an excellent year that will bring us an abundant of joy and happiness. I also hope that we won't ever run out of laughter, fun, friends and love. ♥
Since I'm throwing around wishes anyway, I also hope that we'll come by loads and loads of money!! HAHAHHAHA! Well, the more reasonable version should sound like; hopefully that all the projects we've begun will flourish and be fruitful.

*hugs*
*extra hugs for Boyfie*

Flaws and all.

My mom brought home a travel mag the other day and I probably shouldn't have looked through it..
Looking at the pictures breaks my heart. gah!
I don't want to be heerrree!!! I can't stress upon that enough.

I saw Bahijah the other day -- which was of course, nice and awesome! Haven't seen her in a while. Funny how the first thing she said to me wasn't "hello", but; "I bet you haven't showered yet." hahhaha! My friends knows me too well.. but what did she expect? She called me just 5 minutes before she came over! rawr!

mm.. another year is ending.
I can't help it!! I keep feeling this way (semi-depressed) every single year! bah! It's just so typical for me.. like some age old pagan ritual..
When the twelfth half-moon rises and the night is gloom, dress down to your nature suit, lay down with your face away from North and be depressed..
Although I don't really strip to be depressed. heh.

I suppose 2008 hasn't been so bad.. although I haven't got much to show for. Still jobless despite wanting to be employed since last year! hahahha. There's a couple of hit and misses though. I can't help it. I know that with my education background and experience (or total lack of it!) I shouldn't be picky but I just couldn't help it. Just couldn't bring myself to take a job only for the sake of money -- and so of course, I am now completely broke!

I didn't get to too many 'events' compared to last year even though 2008 is the year of the Rat; my year. I turned 24 and I'm nowhere close to owning my pair of Louboutins. sigh.
Though I found love in the most unexpected circumstances. I mean.. what are the chances that I'd be hooked to a game online? And what are the chances that I'd go for online dating? hahhahha! Those two were highly improbable chances that had somehow happened this year and I must say that I'm glad that it did.
Very very glad.

So anyway.. I guess you win some, you lose some..?
But I hope next year I'll just win WIN WINNNN!!
hahahahha!

Hope you'll have a good year ahead, dear readers.. Also, drink responsibly. heehee.

My forecast:

December 22nd for Ida

You can inspire others today with your creative, intense energy. Just being around you can make other people want to go out and take on creative challenges. You can really be a very powerful individual.


Riiight...

What about me though? I don't mean to sound selfish.. but what about me?? Who will inspire me??
I get that life isn't fair.. but this blows! And I'm tired. Tired of nothing which is just HORRIBLE!
Okay, I'm not writing anymore. I was doing SO well with my uppity-dippity-mood entries. It's hard to hold on to that actually. sigh.

Guess all I can say now is that I'll try not to dwell in this.

A page off my Moleskine;

Yes yes.. falling..

Here's an anology of my life for the past week;
It had felt as if I am free falling without a parachute. I'm screaming.. flailing my arms around -- but honestly, who could help me when I'm falling from the sky right? So the second logic crept into my mind, I stopped screaming. I stopped waving my arms. I simply stared at the fastly approaching ground with my quiet resolve.. I want to stop falling. I want this to end. Come on ground, let me have it. But I haven't been getting what I want lately, so maybe I won't have my face smacked on the ground after all. Maybe I'll just keep falling with the image of the ground getting closer and closer.. and closer. Constant displeasure throughout my life and not knowing how to end it. Maybe there is no end to this misery; of constant doubt.. of constant fear.. of constant displeasure towards life and everything that it embodies.

Perhaps I shoul pray more. (Or truthfully in my case -- actually pray.) I suppose remembering God everyday and but not exactly doing as I was told could be considered as cheating.I don't know.. who ever knows about anything anyway? To be in the know is probably the ground that I'm falling to. Maybe it won't do any good to me except break every one of my bones hurt the hell out of me.

I should just pray. Pray for my peace of mind for once. Perhaps I've been lost and in need to be found.
I could hope for a miracle that a sky diver would shoot towards me and swoop me into his arms just before he pulls his chute. But to hope for something like that just go against my core principle. As much as the idea appeals to me, I don't want to be saved! I'd rather not get to the point where I need saving. I'd jumped off the plane, I should face the consequences. I need to start taking responsibilities, don't I?

Anyway, these words had carried me away. I'd forgotten honestly what all these are the metaphors of. It had all made sense as I was writing it, but now.. not so much. hahhaha!

Moving on -- my birthday on Saturday wasn't half bad at all! I was sung to three times, had an awesome day out with friends, ate good food, listened to some good music, got a few pressies (which I ADORE!) and had cake!
Anyway, I had fun on that day.. So thank you Three A's!! hahahha! That's what I'm calling you guys now.
The full thank you list is on my Facebook note.

On a way different note -- Prosperity Burger is back y'all!!! There's even a Double Beef Prosperity Burger!
So I suppose CNY is approaching? hahhaha!

A day to mourn.

Of course.

Honestly I have such little expectation for the day that my only wish honestly is to get a cone of Baskin-Robbins ice cream. Honestly.
I promise I won't find anything to cry about today if I can just get my hands on that. Really.

Seriously. That's all I want.

this entry was written days ago but scheduled to be published on this day.

curse December..

Let's see.. I'm beginning to think that December kinda sucks.
Actually.. I think that EVERY SINGLE year.. it's like.. every bad things of the year happens in December. Earthquakes.. tsunami.. landslides.. floods.. my birth.
HAHHAHAHAHHA! (not that funny, I know.)

What's amusing though.. is how people born in December ought to be lucky and stuff.. I'm beginning to think that they're lucky because they survived despite all the bad things that happened.
Way to go. I feel so special now.

Wee morn of last Sunday had felt like a nightmare to me. It'd felt as if I was stabbed in the heart and as I fell and lay sprawled on the cold floor with my life ebbing away, my stabber stood over me smirking as he admired the blood soaking the front of my shirt and spreads across the floor.
Oh yes, I do feel like a writer for coming up with those words to describe how I'd felt. But oh, I'm a brat. My "hardships" is laughable, honestly so I won't go into details. Enough to say that I should be locked up for my stupidity and extremely lame hopefulness. I could cry if I hadn't felt like I was dying and rotting at the same time.
Who am I kidding? I did cry. hahhaha! Been a while since I'd felt as low as I did. Ah well.. things got slightly better though.
Just slightly. What ever.

I'd like for this month to be over please.

Hello Friday...

There isn't much to share..
Just having a thought.. or wish really.. A hope;

That love will find a way.

Hello Wednesday..

I'm so boooreeeddd!!
Being efficient numbs my brain.
If only I could stay in bed 'til noon. If only my dreams wouldn't keep surprising me every night. hahahha! sigh.

So I got out of bed this morning and took a shower while I wait on the washing machine.. hung the clothes and went out. Like really.. now I don't feel like going home 'cause I won't have anything to do. Make lunch? God!! I am not made for these homey-things!!!!

It's depressing really. Funny.. being efficient depresses me -- only because it means that I have nothing else to do!! hahahahha!!

bah. Anyway, I'm upset. I pray that somehow.. magically I will find the words to finish my manuscript.. or something. Then I'll find an agent, get my book published.. go on book tours.. make loads of money so I could build a house.. also buy an apartment.. take some time off and drag Boyfie to Europe..
I've said too much, haven't I?
ah well.. a girl can dream. (and yes, that is pretty much my conscious dream. My subconscious dreams makes less sense.)

Okay, I'm getting a lil self conscious now since my tummy keeps grumbling. I hate it when that happens. bah! Guess I'll go home and think of what to make on the way back..

Hello Monday..

How was everybody's weekend? heh.
Mine was.. a bunch of things.

See.. Friday night, I went to bed feeling kinda.. off, but I had a funny dream the next morning that I'd actually snorted and smiled when I opened my eyes. I thought it'd look pretty freaky if someone had seen me.

I spent the whole of Saturday in front of the telly. There was the Australia's Next Top Model marathon on V. haha! Although I did watch No Reservations on Travel & Living. Seeing Anthony Bourdain in Saudi Arabia was really cool. I don't know.. he wasn't as snarky as he usually was but the show was still entertaining. It was amusing 'cause they were laughing so much.

Sunday was fun. It was Ana's birthday and though she had things planned over in OU (it's hard for me to get there) I couldn't bring myself to say no to her. (It's Ana after all..) I love youuuuu!

So as I was heading to KL Central on the commuter, the guy next to me kept finding things to talk about. He wasn't the Manir-type, so I couldn't think of anything to ask him -- not even his zodiac sign! *cue dramatic sound* That's a first right? hehehe. He managed to comment on my face (that I look like 18 or 20), that I could look elegant if I was wearing contacts (HAHHAHAHA!!), that the colour I was wearing looked good on me (I just shrugged at this one). Then when we got to Central, we both stood up and he made another comment; "oh, you're tall when you stand up." HAHHAHAHAHAHHA!! It's sad when guys had to make that kind of comment really. (sorry.)
Then when we both part ways he'd ask for my number again and I told him in a sing song; "You can't have it.." hahhahahhahahahaha!! Saying it that way was actually fun. Oh! The guy was 32. Why do I keep attracting old men, really??
I'd like to say that I'd much prefer to attract men about my age but I don't think Boyfie will approve. heehee!


Anyway, I met up with Ana and the bunch of guys she invited at this obscure karaoke place. There was Port, Zam and Otot. Amjad, Fariz and Bahijah came later. It was.. SO MUCH FUN!! I think Ana sang to EVERY song. hahahhaha!! She was really cute. I can't decide which song was the funniest; it's a tie between 4U2C's Fiona and Senario's Kerja. hahahahha!!
Anyway, it was a fun night.. ♥

Happy December everyone..