ughh..

Remind me when I get married, and wanted to start having kids.. Remind me to take birth control or morning after pills in February/March/April.
dude, Sag babies scares me. I don't want another me pleeaase!! Or in any case, I don't want my child being born to be inclined to depression. Seriously. As ridiculous as this may sound to you.

I'm not even being superstitious here. I've just read too many blogs by Sag writers and it's making me sad! They're either dark.. angry.. or really depressed. Sure it's possible that other zodiac signs are capable of being those too, but perhaps after reading the bunch of random blogs, I find that Sags are.. darker.
Reality hits the dreamers worse..

Dida mentioned the other day that she wants a Sag daughter. (She reckons that Sag-guys are a little odd. I have no comment since Ablen might read this. hahahha!) I know it's horrible to say this.. but if I DO end up giving birth to a Sag-baby, I'm gonna let my spouse handle the kid. Really really. I don't want any of me to rub off on that kid. gah!
Scary.. scary.. scary.

I still feel that I have people around me out of luck. Okay, it was fate or destiny.. what ever, but for sure it has nothing to do with ME, coz I suck!
Anyway, I'm not trying to upset myself or anything.. but if it's possible to show me a Sag who isn't dark, please please point me towards that person. I would like to see it for myself.

Doood..

That guy.. on that 5pm Chinese (Singaporean even) drama on 8tv.. his character is always sleepy lah!
And he was really sweet (also cute.. err) in today's episode. eep! The script's stuck in my head.
Honestly, I only watch the show for his and the girl's character development. Other people on the show annoys me -- I always find other things to do when they're on. heh.

err.. mm.. yeah.. so.. I'm incapable of liking some guy for who they ARE anymore, but only for who they remind me of.
I don't think I'm making much sense.. I didn't exactly start this entry here.

My blog always sound so cryptic after I return from a short break, doesn't it?

mush-galore!

Body-aches count

1. sore back; I pulled my arm/shoulder muscle while I reached for a rock, trying not to get swept away by the current.
2. sore thigh; ughh.. too much climbing, honestly.
3. sprained ankle; I slipped from one huge mossy rock.
4. minute scratches on the soles of my feet; from walking on rocks with sharp edges. (they're super itchy now!!)
5. small cut on my right foot; it's like a tiny puncture wound, actually.. but yeah, you could see that it's a "puncture" and not exactly a cut.

bah! At least the leeches didn't get me.
In need to recover myself now.

meh.

So I was bored.
(it's a constant thing today..)
People need to stop asking me if I've been contacted. It'll completely ruin my not-a-care act.

I did this Typealyzer thing. Supposedly, it analyzes the words/texts you use in your blog and then guesses the personality of the writer -- or at least their personality as they write.
I keyed in my 5 blogs.. (err.. yes, I do have 5.. or at least used to.) I wasn't surprised that the way I write wasn't the same as who I am.

See, when I do personality quizzes, I'd usually get INFP. But from the 5 blogs I keyed in, I got ISTJ, ISTP and INTJ. heh.
I got ISTJ for this blog so..

The responsible and hardworking type. They are especially attuned to the details of life and are careful about getting the facts right. Conservative by nature they are often reluctant to take any risks whatsoever.
The Duty Fulfillers are happy to be let alone and to be able to work in their own pace. They know what they have to do and how to do it.

Sounds a bit like me..? Or at least how I led you to believe..? haha!
Anyway, because I was so bored.. I actually mesh together the five pics of the dominant part of my brain during writing.. (from the 5 blogs..)
I suppose we could say that I always write in the same manner..

Hello, goodbye.

♥

I don't feel like updating this, much.
I want to blog but I don't. It's more of not wanting to let everyone know my heart and mind.. it's weird. I don't know.. Maybe because I'm not liking everyone right now so I wouldn't want them to give a rat's ass about me.
I don't need your attention, is what I'm saying.

So until this feeling passes.. I won't be writing anything new here.
shoo! Go away!

Headache.

Not too bad though. Just a hint of it, I can take it.
I wasn't really troubled or anything. I just blame the constant restlessness that I've been having in these past few days and bad.. bad sleep. (That one I blame Boyfie! hahaha!)

I can't believe that half of January has gone. Well, not that I'm not believing it but time seems to be passing so fast these days! Maybe it's just me. hehe. I've been actively trying to make changes, but unfortunately things can't change immediately. Maybe it's a good thing though since I'd forgotten how it'd felt to be physically tired. I need to readjust myself.

hmm.. I still haven't finalized my "realistic" new year's resolution. I have five so far but it didn't seem to be enough somehow. Seems like they're achievable before the half mark of the year - so what should I aim at afterwards? hahaha! (This is me aiming at the moon again..) sigh. Guess I could just settle with the five and elaborate or be more specific with what I have right now.

hmm.. listening to JMs' albums now. (James Morrison and Jason Mraz.) As a whole.. The two aren't exceptionally good, which is sad. I always get sad when I listen to their albums actually. hahha! Knowing what they're capable of.. bah! But they are both awesome.. and they do come up with one or two songs that I can fall in love with ♥
Anyone wants to get me Mraz's ticket? Late birthday present maybe? *hint* (Although it isn't really a hint, is it? hahha!)
Listen to this! : Butterfly by Mraz
HAWTT!! It gets my imagination kinda crazy. hahahahha! (Crazy hormones.. *cries*)

Oh right.. earlier I was talking to this girl; Nadia, and she asked if I have a boyfriend and I said, yes but he's not around, blablabla then she said, "aren't you planning to be enganged or something..?" HAHAHHAHHA!! That got me kinda hysterical.. Funny stuff from some stranger, I must say.
You're not supposed to get excited, okay hunny..

mm.. now, that's a sign that I should stop writing. It's been a joyless week all around except for bits where Boyfie is concerned and I don't think anyone wants to read me gush about him all the time. (Except him of course, but I can write a letter for that.)

Snore...

So many things going on in the past few days but non of them are worth telling. Sad, really. And what makes it even more sad, I'm tired of the nothingness.. but in the same time I'm afraid of change -- and I need change!

Anyway, my parents are nagging.. not at me specifically but the point is, they're nagging.. about Dida.. 'cause she had an accident. sheesh. It's boring really. I lost count of the times she'd been in an accident. sigh.
My parents are annoyed about it. I couldn't bring myself to care as I am just too tired. Emotionally and mentally, I suppose.

Honestly, I would pass out if passing out had been my thing. blah.
Tired tired.. bored. Bored of being tired.
Impressively, I am not depressed even the slightest! Just pissed off for most of the part.

Bloody hell..

I've been on Skype all day and I keep getting messages from random people! For instance;
ahmad104
jom kuar.. kita skandal.. asalkan awak sudi, sporting, open-minded and berat x lebih 60kg.. camner? on x? serious ni
wtf? Even if I was desperate I wouldn't have gone for someone as superficial. Asshole.

mm.. this has been SUCH an unproductive day.. I'd spent all day looking at old pics and uploading them onto my profile. And now I feel a bit like I've been brought back to school.. I'm kinda pissy, but I won't talk about it. (Trying anyway.)
And I'd actually planned on doing the laundry! gah! Should've stuck to my plan.

Moving on.. Mraz's tickets are SO expensive!!!
Malaysia details | Singapore details
Money, aihaitchu!!

Thank you, songwriters, you..

Details In The Fabric by Jason Mraz (feat. James Morrison)

sigh. Put two brilliant musicians together and this is what we get.
I am so naming one of my kids something that starts with a J. Can't help it.. a bunch of the people I really like are J's.. Jane, James, Jason, Joshua, Joanne.. hehe. I can't think of a good Malay name that starts with a J though.. (Jamal? Juwita? Jesnita?? wtf! hahahha!) sigh. Ah well, I could just make my hubby think of that one. My name isn't very Malay anyway.
oh duuude, I just made a plan! hahahha!

I wonder why is it hard for me to be naturally drawn to happy songs. blah. I was going through the songs my friends and I recorded while we were still staying in the hostel back in uni. Then there were songs that I wrote.. They were.. really dark! (Remember Shemozzle girls?? eep!)
We had a production assignment and we decided to make our own music and naturally I was the lyricist.. but I suppose I was pretty glad that the song had turned out the way that it did. It gave us such an awesome idea for a video and thus putting our video at #6 in our batch! hahahha!! Remember that Ana, Bahijah? I remember we were so excited to have done better than Fariz! wahhahahha!
aih.. I hope to see that video again one day. (Old pics.)

sigh. Slow day. I wish I had better things to do when the day is slow but what I'm left with is the external harddisc and a bunch of silly songs to listen to, like this one. I didn't even remember the existence of it! I think it's during one of those days when we got bored and Asha went around random sites and start strumming her guitar and singing to the words she sees.
gah. We sing a lot those days... And when the lecturers say that we can do what ever we want as long as we have something to present -- we sing. (One Wish.. hahhaha!) Then when we got bored of singing, we'd dance around to Malchik Gei and Trauma! hahahha! I can only hope that my child would have as much fun as I had, honestly.

Oh.. "kids" have been popping all through this post because Eeva and Amber were talking about it in one of our threads on Facebook. gah.
Maybe I should go make lunch now.

Saye letih..

I hate planning.. did you know?
Although, I do admit that my life consists of little plans that gets me out of bed and through the day. But to plan.. really plan my week.. or month.. or year is a pain. So new year's resolution never worked for me -- I always make up some unrealistic goals. Like.. "what the heck.. might as well aim for the moon!" but not really putting your my heart into it, so your my feet never got to leave the ground.

But I'd really like to make a change this year. And so.. while I was in the commuter train earlier today.. I made a freakin' PLAN. Well, I have been making a mental note of plans. Things I want to do this year.. Actual resolutions. But I haven't finalized the whole thing yet so I won't be sharing anything over here. hehe. I'm giving myself the whole month of January to decide on my year's resolution. So serious, yeah?
Well, I will be 25 this year; I prefer not to die alone and unaccomplished so I need to get a move on.

Now as I'm resting from making some more freakin' annoying mental notes.. I've been tagged by Anaa!

• What is the relationship of you and him/her?
  We're lovers! hahahha.
  She was my roomie.. my fun, funny roommate back in uni and now she's one of my closest friends.
  Ana, MUST LISTEN!! : 4shared file
  
  
• Your 5 impressions towards him/her?
  1. she's adorable
  2. silly
  3. very agreeable
  4. I need to protect her! ('coz she's tiny! hahahha!)
  5. very fun to be with
  
  
• The most memorable things he/she had done for you?
  I have to say it was recently when she got me a notebook for my birthday. hahhaha! Honestly, it wasn't the notebook that was memorable.. but the message inside it. I'm a sucker for sentimental stuff.
  
  
• If he/she become your lover, you will...
  If?? Well, I'll love her with all my heart 'coz she deserves it that's for sure. And be there whenever she needs me :)
  
  
• If he/she become your enemy, you will...
  do nothing. If she's my enemy, why should I care? :P
  
  
• If he/she become your lover, he/she has to improve on
  her height! HAHAHAHHAHA!!
  
  
• If he/she become your enemy, the reason is
  she broke my heart :P
  
  
• The most desirable thing to do on him/her is?
  pick her up and put her in your pocket so you can carry her around everywhere you go!
  
  
• The overall impression of him/her is...
  it is IMPOSSIBLE not to love her!
  
  
• How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
  mm.. me? I think most people don't know how to handle me..? They love me when I'm cheery and crazy and hyper but when I'm upset and in a dark place, they wouldn't know what to do 'cause I'll be so far from reach.
  
  
• The character of you for yourself is?
  Is this English? haha. But based on the next question, I'll assume that this question is about the character of myself that I like..? If that's the case.. I like it when I'm level-minded. I'm a pretty good person when I'm rational.
  
  
• On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
  I get idiotically emotional.
  
  
• The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
  Somebody accomplished, who is living life and loving it!
  
  
• For the people who care about and likes you, say something about them
  Thank youuu! Thank you thank you thank youuuu! You are obviously AWESOME. heehee
  
  
• Ten people to tag:
  Can I just list ten people but not "tag" them per se, for the sake of answering the next questions?
  1. Syl
  2. Ana
  3. Bahijah
  4. E
  5. Dida
  6. Nina
  7. Alia
  8. Johanz
  9. Jason Mraz
  10. James Morrison
  
  
• Who is no. 2 having a relationship with?
  Me :P
  
  
• Is no. 3 a male or a female?
  #3 is a woman.
  
  
• If no. 7 and no. 10 were together,
  I'd be envious, damnit! (but it won't work.. no no it won't)
  
  
• How about no. 5 and 8?
  hahhahahha! it'll be incredible.. incredibly hilarious and unlikely.
  
  
• What is no. 1 studying about?
  err.. Real Estates..? hahahhahaha. I think. right?
  
  
• Is no. 4 single?
  it's complicated. haha
  
  
• Say something about no. 6?
  Ninaaaaaaaaaaaa! mm.. she's my sister. Annoyingly wise-r.

Dude.. Jason Mraz has a song that features James Morrison! How did I miss that, I have no idea! Oh.. I went out with my Moleskine earlier.. but I forgot my pen. duh!

I still need mum's blessing..?

Dida said a bunch of annoying things today. blah.
I suppose that happens when there were only the two of us in the car. hehe.

So she had a few theories about my mum and I.
She said that I'm still tied to my mum, no matter how much I didn't like the idea. Because apparently, if I jump into anything without her approval or knowledge.. it wouldn't work out as I would've liked it to. bah!
Dude, I'm already so dependant on my parents.. can't I just spread my wings and fly already?? gah! Honestly, I could probably be the most pathetic youngest daughter ever existed. (But to be perfectly honest, I don't really know that many 'youngest daughter' cause they tend to be needy and attention-seeking. Really annoying. An exception to Alia though.. she's a slave to her family. So unlike a 'youngest daughter'. hahahha!)

Then Dida also said that Nina and herself had once talked about ME.
Apparently they agreed that I am a coward. My sisters are awesome.. truly. It sucks to hear those words really but I couldn't bring myself to disagree. They were right.. in a way.
I am a coward. I get scared of jumping into anything with both feet. I prefer to be nonchalant than giving out my heart to be stabbed by the cruel cruel disappointments.
I know.. I get it.. it's a waste of a lifetime. I need to take more risks.. grab more chances.. crash and burn if I must.
But saying it is way more easier than doing it, yeah? sigh. *curses under breath*

It boggles my mind.. theoretically, I should be afraid of crashing and burning after experiencing it countless of times. But here I am being afraid by the idea of crashing and burning. Fuck it.
Wanie Idris was not made to live that way. I was never meant to be the timid, idiotic girl. hehe. That sounds like a good resolution, doesn't it? It'll be my LIFE resolution -- not just the year's.

Currently listening to: Switchfoot - Learning To Breathe ♥

I don't know..?

Have I been thinking too much lately?
I don't know.. it's the new year, I'm telling you. It's making me feel like I should be doing something. Get the move on. But I don't think I'm ready.
Okay, I'm lazy.. I don't know.. It's only the 10th day of the year..
I still have time, right?
Things can wait, can't they?
gah!

Why do I have to have this feeling where what ever that I do must be in a "do or die" situation? God, there must be an explanation for this. Honestly.
mmph.. Boyfie reckons that I should go get a shower now.

The worst part of being in love is to wait for your beloved

I'm fat.

ick.
Okay, I'm not fat FAT, but I'm not lean or fit either - which I'd LOVE to be. So heyy.. maybe I should put that on my new year's resolution. Ooh.. berangan dah nak ade six-pack. HAHHAHAHHA!!

I should come up with an achievable resolution this year..
Maybe I will.
I need change, but I'm afraid of changing. hmm..

I'm here and you're there.
One of us is in the wrong place.

♥

Hello stranger..

mm.. it's been a while since I felt this way.
I was lost, and then found.. but now I'm in limbo.
I feel so.. detached. Not here, nor there. Like nothing can touch me. Untouched.
If the wind blows, I can't feel it. If the rain pours, I can't taste it.
I am the spectator of my own unfortunate life. Awesome.


One night the moon said to me,
"If he makes you cry why don't you leave him?"
I looked at the moon and said;
"Moon, would you ever leave your sky?"

Oh, Mama offered me her flu meds now. hahahhahahhaha! Duuude. I don't think I'm strong enough to say no to anything that would help me sleep. ackk!

Currently listening to: Greg Laswell - Comes And Goes (In Waves)

Dear God,

Thank You for making the day only 24 hours long.
I'm glad that it's already at the 19th hour and the day is almost over.
I'm glad that the seconds pass and that I was not stuck in any particular minute.
Thank You.. Thank You.. Thank You.

Could You maybe do me a favour and not cure my flu just yet 'coz I'd like to take the flu meds later and I wouldn't want to seem like I'm misusing drugs. Thanks.

Shit.

Jason Mraz

KL; March 4th

Singapore; March 5th

Damnit, can I have some money now pleaaase!
Duude! He's on my Bucket List!!!!
Sugar daddies.. unite..? Please?

Also, you can watch the video clip to his song with Colbie Caillat (Lucky) on VH1.

Team Jacob ftw!

Boyfie would really hate that I said that, but I've come to feel that all my friends sums up to "Team Jacob". They're all Jacob; my best-men.. The people I go to when my Edward isn't around. They're absolutely irritating at times but they make me laugh too! We probably shouldn't be doing half the things that we do.. but Edward will understand, right? Right? And this Bella wouldn't fail to hate herself a bit and beat herself up for wanting to be around Jacob. heehee ♥
What ever it is.. my dear dear distractions.. Thank you!

2009 has been.. hmm.. I don't know.
I saw some old acquaintances on New Year's Eve. School mates that I've never spoken to! hahhaha! (I have a lot of that actually..) I've always been pretty sociable.. but I don't socialize so I'm always surrounded by the same ole' people in school. So anyway.. I talked to some of them.. I also made a new sorta-friend whom Alia is now convinced to be syok with me. sheesh.

It's an interesting new year, honestly. Especially when two of my friends made such a distinct resolution..
Ana wants to look for a boyfriend..
And Rudy actually said that he doesn't want to have a girlfriend all year. I am SO tempted to get the two together somehow. It'd be like How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, no? hahahhahahhahahhahhaha!
Sometimes I forget that I live in the real world. heehee.

So anyway, I spent New Year's Eve having a karaoke with Cik Alia, Arep, Idris and Rudy. (Another five of our friends were in the next room 'cause we couldn't get in one big room together -- which was fine, really.) The night was super fun. The boys were CRAZY and absolutely entertaining. ♥
We were singing 'til almost 3 am, then headed to Idris' place to have some snacks and drinks, and Johanz and Alia sent me home at 4. Thank youuuu!

Then on Friday I met up with Ana in KLCC 'cause I had nothing better to do. We walked to Pavillion and as usual.. sat around at Coffee Bean. haha! (Is it getting old, Ana?) Then later Amjad, Zam and AzraaiHasry joined us. (err.. I typed his full name because AzraaiHasry is Ana's friend and even though I have a bunch of nicknames for my Azraai, it just feels wrong to call any other person "Azraai" somehow. Nobody can replace MY Pet Fiancé Rai! nu uhh! hahahhaha!)


On Saturday I went hanging out with Dida and her friends... and came home that night feeling feverish.
So Sunday was spent feeling horrible; a cough, flu and fever. The new year had definitely started with a BANG!! I'm glad to tell you that I'm only left with the cough now.. with my head slightly spinning, but it's alright.

So that's basically how I'd spend the first week of the new year. No idea how the rest of the year is going to pan out and honestly I don't think I should bother trying to figure it out just yet.
Hope you guys will have a wonderful 2009..