No excuses.

I wish everyone would just stop making excuses for me already.
They should all just smack me for what I've done.
Not comfort me and make me feel better for doing something bad!
Crazy.. crazy people. And I thought I was crazy, but turns out everyone else is even crazier than I am! Which is driving me MAD!
I should feel lousy and lonely and hated..

Ah well.. at least Boyfie Syl has finally treated me the way I'd preferred him to.. being all snappy and testy (or at least that's the way he sounded to me) instead of being all pleasant and completely convinced that he's not angry with me.
Somehow I find myself wishing that we live closer now so he could slam the door in my face.

hahahahhaha!
Oh, perhaps I should remind you that I'm the kind of person who finds humour in death.

Anyway, I feel lousy now as I deserve. yayy!!
Time for a smoke now.

Am I ready?

Hardly.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!
This time, I must honestly say that I am laughing to keep myself from crying. I've never felt so.. horrible in my life. I suppose I can't keep being selfish. I must choose my words wisely from now on.

I have no idea how things turned out the way it did.
We had communication.
We had love.
I guess it came down to distance.. and the fact that I am not strong enough to hold on to "us". It's not a good feeling to be the weak link.
To be the cheater.
And what's worse.. I wasn't surprised that I did what I did. What sort of a person am I???

A horrible one, of course.
Suppose I should just let Awif's words sink in.. if things are meant to be, it's meant to be. So I'll just go with the flow from now on.
If I should spend my old days alone, then it'd be my karma and I shall accept it.
I don't think I deserve to be with anyone anyway.

So! Other than my mental health being at stake here, I must say that everything else is going great! I am nowhere close to being good at my job yet but at least I am enjoying the people I am working with!
Plus the fact that we don't take our jobs home. Once we get off the aircraft, we'll leave everything behind, have a good long sleep and be excited to serve people again on the next flight!

Oh, dude.. perhaps I am too cynical to be working in this line but you wouldn't know that if you're not reading this blog. heh.
I am not bored of this job yet and that is the main reason why I joined in the first place. Not much life going on though.. all I do on my days off is sleep, sleep and more sleep.

And flying is giving me my allergies back. My leg is UGLY from the rashes! But please don't try to spot it when you see me in my uniform. Look at my heavily made-up face instead; I at least spend forty minutes getting my face ready. Or look at my butt instead! Just.. not the legs.

Guess I am no longer fasting from blogging.
Though I don't have all that much to say, to be honest... too busy having secret conversations with myself. heh

I should stick to Moleskine.

I don't think I will have any pleasantries to write about for the time being.

So I'm fasting from blogging.

To quote Katie Herzig;

When an ocean
sits right between us
There is no sign
we'll ever cross
You should know now
that I feel lost

I hurt too
I hurt too

I should be thankful.

I have a family that supports me, friends who makes me laugh, all the love a girl needs.. and more, a job that doesn't bore me..

But why do I feel like I'm wasting away? Why am I still a glass half-empty? Why am I still seeking for what ever it is that I'm seeking?
I am driving myself mad. I shall fall apart, as I truly deserve it.

Hi, I'm Wanie and I am a mess.

I need to write again.

As in with pen and paper.
I really miss writing in my Moleskine, but I never seem to have the time. Or even if I do, I tend to get sleepy 5 minutes after I start.
Horrible.

Anyway, not that I have a lot of things to say lately. But I find that I need to have a run through of my own mind without having it cooped up in my head. Feels like I'm getting tangled in them the more I leave it unwritten.

You know how it feels like.. to have a stable best friend for such a long time and suddenly losing it? So now you're left with no one to talk to about your stupid, silly problems.
I am feeling a bit like that right now.
I have friends who knows exactly what I am getting myself into at the moment, but nothing they will ever say could help me clear up my thoughts. But of course, I can't really tell them every detail of what I think and feel 'cause I'm also afraid of what they will say to me.
hahhahaha!

So yeah, don't ask me what's going on 'cause you know I won't tell. hehe.
I'm not in any big trouble or anything, I can assure you. I am just.. severely confused. But then again.. when have I never? heehee!

It's 5pm and I haven't written a single note for tomorrow's flight as I'd wanted to! ughh! This is ridiculous. I need to take my words seriously next time.

I slept and dreamt of cheese.

I feel like a fat kid now.
I mean, who the heck dreams about food?!
Well, I didn't just dream of food. I felt weird being left alone to sleep for too long. hahahha! (Usually my alarm would go off or someone would talk to me -- even when they know that I'm asleep, or do something to wake me.)

Feels like a long weekend. But to say that I'm looking forward to the new week would be a lie.
I do miss Bukit Jalil though. Weird. I definitely wasn't expecting it. Ah well, you learn something new everyday.

I should write some notes before my flight on Monday. I'd like to be prepared for once! hahaha!
'Til next time then.. (maybe later, maybe in a few weeks..) Take care, everyone!

So,

..a new chapter begins.
I feel different now.

More sleepy, more lazy, more tired, a little more enlightened and a lot less innocent.
HAHAHAHHAHA!

Last week I was a cabin crew trainee in Sarawak, having my first night stop flight.

Today, I am officially a cabin crew! Graduated last Thursday with 19 others of my ohana.

I'm a little excited for my first solo flight this Monday.. but mostly nervous! duuude! I need to acquire a faster pace while I'm on the job.
But I'm in a good place now.. sort of. heehee. (Forget that I am digging myself a hole and that I have only a few bucks left in my purse to last me another 14 days, I AM in a good place!)

I don't really feel like typing so much right now.. so,
Congratulations 09/09!! I had a great time with you guys this past 65 days; Adi, Awif, Murni, Mimi, Didi, Luqy, Sally, Nat, Yen Chew, Crissy, A-Moon, Lisa, Fabian, May, Bryan, Ain, Syabil, Ema and Felicia!

And I am SO going to miss you this two months, bestie-gedik!!
I shall go mental when I can't vent to you..

Hello, from Bukit Jalil.

Some would think that being a cabin crew leads you to a glamorous life. All I've done since I came home last night was sleep, doodle, sleep some more, read, do the laundry and basically laze, laze, laze.. Which part of that is glamorous, I have no idea..

Tomorrow's Sunday and I'll be 'working'. The thing about this job; you basically work with people and when it comes to people, there is always something new to learn. So I hope I'll learn a lot.