If money grew on trees..

I would have bought that darned boots!
And more books!
Buy more presents..
But I would definitely buy that pair of ankle boots I saw in M&S. gah!
It's only been.. what, 3 days, since I got my paycheck and I've already spent one thousand ringgit! That's right, kids. One freakin' thousand ringgit!
Of course I did use a portion of that money for sensible things like for rent and to give my parents.. but that is only a small portion of one thousand!
It's terrible, really.
I should never be allowed to have any money at all.

Also, I should be banned from going into bookstores.
But I'm happy to have bought Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol (though I said that I'd wait for the paperback to come out.. but I've never been very good with being patient either.) and Stephenie Meyer's Eclipse, finally. The collection is complete! woohoo!

But man.. if only I don't have to think about the future and could spend my money however way I'd like to spend it.
Those boots is a definitely definitely must buy -- though I have no idea when am I actually going to wear it, but I don't care! I LOVE boots!!
And I haven't bought two of Cecelia Ahern's latest books.
Oh! And Mitch Albom has a new book out as well! Dammit!
I can't stop talking about books now.. or stop thinking about boots.
Perhaps I am just as crazy about shoes as every other women on this planet. Because I still need a pair of wedges. HA HA HA HA HA!

I really have no idea how am I going to live 'til the next paycheck. I'd love to have a bit of savings but it seems pretty impossible at the moment. It's sad. I need to pay my school loan, and the money I owe Dida.. estimate how much I am allowed to spend per day..
I'm sleepy.
And I should stop talking about those boots. Maybe I'll yap to monkey-fish once he comes home from work. hohoho! (And hope that he'll tell me to just buy 'em! HAHAHHAHA!)

A wedding, a flower and a karok session!

I really need more sleep.
I went to bed at 6 this morning and Arep called at twelve. We went to Idris' house and waited for him for almost two hours before we actually headed out to Alia and Johanz' wedding.


The wedding went fine.. I think. We got there when most of the people have gone back.. so.. I kinda liked that! (I'm never a big fan of the crowd in weddings.)
Anyway, congrats you two!
Funny how my friends are married and I am nowhere close to being ready for it.

I chatted with some of my old school mates at the wedding (which was a good thing..) -- then some of us decided to go for karaoke!! hahahahha! Nuts. And the say that they do it all the time! hahahahha!

Thank you Incik Arep for bringing me out today. And thank you for singing with me. It was a fun day. (Though what Idris said after that song ended was even funnier!)

Now I'm not looking forward so much to going back to Bukit Jalil. One, because of the work tomorrow, and second, which is actually the main reason.. I hate returning to my dark, lifeless room.
My batteries are low and I need him to recharge me.
Damn distractions. gah!

I never liked numbers..

One day off and I'm in Shah Alam so I could attend Alia and Johanz' wedding.
He got two days off and he went back to his hometown.
mmph.
Don't think I'll see him 'til Sunday night.
Anyway, I'm trying not to care about not being able to see him -- though I hate it. I hate it with PASSION!
But I don't care.

First day back to work was nice enough. I had a good set crew and a pretty cool leading. Miri was just as quiet as I last visited it. meh.
Tiring though.. from lack of sleep. I can never seem to get enough sleep whenever I'm away from home.

Dida said something really interesting earlier. I was saying how we're not very good at communicating. She then said that communicating wasn't the real problem, but it's our egos..
heh. If Dida admits to being egoistical.. I don't know what I am.
hahahahha!

Oh! I got a call from some passenger yesterday morning. He claimed to have been my passenger on my flight from KUL to MYY the previous night. He actually called the HOTEL to get connected to me.
I swear I don't know why these people keep finding me.
I honestly don't mind talking to my passengers. As a matter of fact, it's one of the reasons why I joined the airlines anyway; so I could meet and talk to more people.
But to have somebody whom I have no memory of, call the hotel where I was staying to be connected to me, asking me what's my favourite colour and what I friggin' wear when I sleep is TOO MUCH!
And he claimed to be thirty something and engaged.

Honestly! Where are the reasonable, non-creepy, twenty something strangers gone to?? Can't THEY call me instead??!
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!

Okay. I really need to get some sleep if I want to look half-charming tomorrow afternoon -- but When Harry Met Sally will be on Star Movies in about an hour!! eeep!

I miss you my kera anak ikan patin!

Crap, I miss my monkey-fish!

This is what I get for not sleeping at all through the night.
Too much time in my hands filled with.. not having him around like always.
Yea yeah.. I'm needy. It sucks.
Especially when I go into my crazy mode and push him away instead of holding onto him. ah.. stupid self-preservation. I don't think it'll ever make sense.

Most times I'm not even mad. I simply become.. cold and frigid in the hopes that the fall won't hurt me as bad.
Am I making sense here or I'm just making it even more complicated?
I keep trying to explain myself but I don't think it's getting any clearer.

Now I'm wondering if I should even talk about him in here. Suppose he's always been really private about himself. Kinda. He talks a lot, honestly. But he also listens a lot.. which I love. And the crazy things he does like getting on one knee in the middle of a mall just to see me freak out. And he talks a lot.. I swear, sometimes it is as if he won't shut up. heehee. But on the rare occasions that he quiets down.. I love how we'd just look at each other.
There really is something about seeing my own reflection in his eyes.
But he's nuts. Really. To the point that I get tempted to throw a shoe at him so he'd stop acting like a loon. (Oh, I never told him that.)
And sometimes he irritates me so bad when he goes missing. Like when we went shopping and I look away and he's gone.. only 8 minutes later I see him emerge from the dressing room. That really pissed me off. (I never told him that either.)
Basically it's okay if I go missing (it's his fault anyway for saying that he likes to look for me) but I never gave him the okay to go missing! rawrr! I HATE looking for things!

sigh.
I really hate this part. The part where it dawns on me how attached I've become to someone. It sucks. Really really sucks when despite him talking a lot about a lot of things.. I honestly don't know if I've affected him as much.. or even half.. a little..?

hmmph.
I should get some sleep before I start getting psychotic.

Dear Mr. Hasse,

thank you for letting me use your laptop in this mamak place.
Though I don't really have anything to update the world at the moment.
But having your Dell laptop in this noisy Restoran Al Barkath makes me feel.. oh so grateful to be friends with you.
I would say Mimi is lucky to have you.
But then again I am lucky that you and Mimi found each other.

HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!

Perhaps I'm unreasonable.

But I don't think you love me for my reasoning.

ughh. I need to learn not to get so frustrated.
This is tiring.

I can be such a psycho sometimes.
That is tiring.

Call me and I won't pick up.

I'm not mad, but sad.

If you don't want me.. I won't give you the chance to leave me.
I won't be there to listen to what ever you're going to tell me.
I'm a runner.
I run.

It's self preservation.
I won't know how to pick myself up when I fall. Not immediately anyway.
So pardon me for building the wall around me.

I'm not mad, but sad.
And I'm trying so hard not to let that pull me down.
So believe that I'm mad, not sad.

The thing about being in love with the sun.

..You feel bad for being the dark cloud that looms around in the sky.
The one who holds back the sun's brilliance.
The sun isn't responsible for the dark. And it isn't his fault that the cloud was simply made to be the way that she is.

Perhaps the wind should just blow her away to some other land and let the sun shine.