Take my mind off.

I've been a bit troubled lately.
One that is really best described as "it's not you, it's me.."
Because really, there is noone else to be blamed but me. Even then I can't apologize to myself because I have no way of fixing my general makeup flaws.

Bestie's been asking me if I'm alright and I told him that I was fine.
How are you supposed to answer that question anyway?
If being honest requires you to explain something unfathomable to your own mind..

So I'm condemned for life.
What ever I did in my past life has made God punish me with a restless soul.

And my sister thought that I should look for someone older to take care of me.
Which made me sad.
Sure, we have that unspoken agreement that we can say anything honestly.. but that doesn't stop me from having unwanted feelings from her words.
But that's just the way she feels apparently -- that I need somebody mature to keep my feelings in check.
Sad.

So lets say that I actually end up with someone mature who keeps my feelings in check constantly yet I still find myself empty, lonely and ultimately cannot be saved. What then?
Proves the fact that I will be alone for the rest of my life?
Sure I've considered that happening but do I want proof? Truth is fine, but there are some things that I'd rather not know.
It's just sad.
I'm sad.

I'm restless and I can't help but wonder if there's a pill that I can take to make it go away.
Shit. My head's a mess.
And I'm getting really really tired..