Marriage.

Honestly I can't talk about the subject without making a face.
When I'm with my dad, I'd get all excited and cheeky just to tease him.
When I'm with boyfriend.. total disgust. Okay, not every single time I did that. Maybe seven out of ten. hehe

Suppose I still feel so.. small, to actually care for someone. Of course, when I say "small" I wasn't referring to my size but my emotional capacity to care for anyone else but myself.
ughh.. I keep having mixed feelings about the idea of committing. Perhaps it's just how I was made. I love the idea of marriage as I love to romanticize things, but to be actually in it is a whole different thing.
If it were up to me, couplehood, here we goooo! bahahhahaha!!

What if I realized somewhere along the years that I made a mistake?
What if HE realizes that he'd made a mistake??
What if I was blissfully unaware of his indifference towards "us" until the day that he decides to call it quits?
gah! I'm scaring myself again.

But my point is.. I don't like to settle (and refuse to) and I wouldn't want my partner to settle with me either if he knows it in his guts that somewhere out there.. the perfect person for him is sitting in a park.. waiting for him to walk by.

The idea is just.. sad.
I don't want either of us to be too quick to jump into conclusion and settle.. then ended up being too late to pursue our true soulmate.
blah.
I blame boyfriend for telling me the story of a girl he waited for before we knew each other. I guess even after 9 months, I can't quite shake off from wondering; "what if?"
What if one day they bumped into each other in a supermarket?
What if she got on a plane while he was working?
Does she ever cross his mind?

Yeah.. well.. I'm hormonal. I have an excuse for making a fool of myself.
ughh.. I need to get to Bukit Jalil soon so I can have Encem distract me from saddening thoughts. blah.