Late night WK.

So a few weeks ago I bought a French-press; wanting to own one for MONTHSSSS! Not Bodum though since it's just too damn expensive for my logic.

Which then led me to want a coffee grinder. And after weeks of looking around I noticed that the only ones sold in KL are made by Krups and DeLonghi. I wanted one that was straight-forward.. nothing fancy.. Tried looking online but I was afraid of being disappointed so I settled for DeLonghi's yesterday.

The same day, I bought coffee beans from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf; Java Espresso and the Caramel Vanilla because Encem shoved the bag to my nose and it smelled so damn nice!

Then we head home.. Picturing myself making a pot of coffee.. Taking a break from rearranging things in the new apartment.. Coaxing Encem to stop cleaning and have a cuppa with me..
And Encem broke my thoughts by saying; "we don't have a kettle.. So - no coffee.."

Damn it!!
Good thing we haven't reached home then.. Alif was driving us through the traffic so we made a detour to Carrefour!

Okay, so this story has nothing to do with WK -- but I promise you, I'm getting there!

The first thing I did when I got home was make a batch of caramel vanilla coffee.. And just now Encem requested for the espresso. SO! We are now at Marvina's Corner and watching the Espanol - Portugal match!

I don't like the crowd, by the way. The 10pm-match crowd are by far better than this. Which is why I am blogging -- instead of actually watching the game. Heh.

Oh, and at the moment, Encem's outside smoking.. And making friends with the guy that works here. Typical!

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Airplanes..

I expect myself to write about my SNY flights for my next entry while I wrote my last entry..

But all I could think and feel right now is how foreign I am at the moment.
And it's raining in this land..

I came home from flight yesterday seeing that a bunch of my things are already gone.. Moved.. Room empty except for my cluttered IKEA foldable table that I use as a dressing table. Bookshelf gone.. Dresser, gone..

Suppose I should commend Encem for doing a good job moving all those things out but all I'd felt was an intense hollow.
I was sad seeing everything gone. Encem wasn't around.. Home was just four walls with a roof.
It was a cold, empty shell and I couldn't help but feel a pang in the heart.

So I changed from my uniform, and packed the knick-knacks that was left behind.. And waited for Encem to get back.
We had dinner, moved the rest of our things with two trips.. And said goodbye to Green Avenue Condominium.

Hello, Arena Green Apartments.
I shouldn't complain since all my things are here.. And there's a balcony!
I should be excited about the balcony but all I could see in my head now is how dark and empty my bedroom in GAC looked as I walked past it through the hallway..
As it had looked the first day we moved in there..

The first day..
Before everything..
Before Encem and I was Encem and I..


Sure we're still together anyway.. But no more peeking from the bedroom window at the sound of the wheels of our trolley bags on the tiles..
No more Bestie calling our names from the hallway..
No more goodbyes to our friends from that bedroom window..
So I'm sad.
This land I'm in is foreign. The noises are foreign. And Encem is flying through Manila...

I need a hug..
And also a shower since I'll be flying to Dhaka in a few hours.. or maybe I should save that until I return in the morning? Hahahahahha!

Oh well.. I'm sad. That's all I have to say, really..

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If I marry..

As it is "normal" for one to be married some day..
I would imagine it would be for the "right" reasons;

Love..

For the most of it anyway.
To procreate would be a blessing, considering one would want to procreate with the person you love. I assume that it's a natural feeling.

Monetary stability is a bonus.
I wasn't brought up to depend on my future spouse in this area. In my head, when it comes to superficial matters, it is best to be independent.

But anyway, I hate thinking about marriage from those view points. To be honest, marriage seems a bit unnecessary to me so to be "lawfully" entwined as if I actually cared about it in the first place would require an excuse that is just as illogical or cannot be explained -- like "LOVE".

So..
It upsets me when I hear someone giving a reason to why they should marry.
It should just be about love.. That you can't imagine your days without her. That you want to always come home to her. And if a stupid license/paper would stop other people from nosing about how you spend your nights, then let's have it!

And not about what you can accomplish once you're married...
That is just.. Stupid.
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8:30am - 5:30pm

May I just say.. That I am bodily and soul, weren't made for office hours!
It's a nightmare, I swear to God!
A slow and aching nightmare!
I am more than glad that I'll be finishing my conversion class next week!!

2 weeks.. 5 exams.. My brain may be too old for study-books and my body is no longer accustomed to routines; such as waking up at the same time every single morning.
How can anyone do it.. I have no idea. I became even more lazier everyday!

Next Tuesday I'll be doing my first test-flight to Manila.. Wish me luck!
Exams don't scare me as much as the actual work does. You know how some people are book-smart while some are street-smart?
I am always worried of the social part of everything! Working in this line, getting along with everyone is crucial. And on the Airbus, you'll have SIX extra people that you need to get along with! Ughhh..
Scary..

Encem worried me today by failing one of the two exams we had.. sigh.. I hate how careless he gets sometimes.

I'm sleepy....
I'd wanted to type more but I can barely keep my eyes open anymore. So.. I'll catch you guys later..

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Let's say..

Kalau ada orang cakap kau BANGANG, kau SUKA ke kalau aku asyik ingatkan kau pasal tu?? Paling hebat, aku tak ingat pun kenapa orang tu panggil kau bangang!
Which is why aku asyik tanya kau jugak la kenapa orang tu panggil kau bangang. I don't know.. To get the story straight kot. Senang sket bila aku nak cita kat orang lain yang haritu ada orang panggil kau BANGANG!
Kan?
Aku dah takde idea sangat nak cita ape, so aku kenela cakap pasal kau dipanggil bangang haritu.

Thanks.
Thank you so much for understanding me oh so perfectly you idiot jerk!
Do not apologize when you don't even know why you're sorry. It's meaningless and absolutely pointless! So save your breath. I already hate you for this.

Fuck.

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Dear Boyfriend,

I hope you're enjoying your birthday with your precious sleep. As you should know, this is YOUR day after all and I really should let you do what you want.

I am trying my best not to be all too cranky with how the day is turning out. I'd wish we could spend the day together but I should let you do what ever that makes you happy, and yes, I understand the bit where you've missed waking up at what ever time perfectly.

Oh well, I should stop being too clingy anyway.

So, Happy Birthday.
Hope you'll enjoy the rest of your 24th year as well..

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If I could have one wish..

I'd like to see life without me in existence.

Would everyone be better off?
Do I really make a difference?

Sometimes I feel like I am the anchor to the lives of the people around me; the one person that manages to hold the ships stuck to one place.

Yeah... So I'm feeling low.
I want to be taken out of the equation. Just get lost and never return..

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I should be studying.

The conversion class is going pretty smoothly. Though I've been having trouble remembering what the acronyms actually stands for. Hence the need to study -- just in case there'll be those kinds of questions. Grrr.

I think I'm PMSing.. Mostly because I've been pretty easily upset these days. I mean let's face it, I'm not the chirpiest bird around but I'm not the kind who mopes around either. (I save those times for when I'm in my bed.)

I don't really have anything much to blog about but for the sake of distracting myself from actually reading my chocolate-brown manual, you'll just have to bear with me at this moment.

I think my memory is failing me even more than usual these days. Dida theorize that it may be the effects of my exposure to constant smokes.
Errr...
I do plan on quitting. When exactly, I don't know. I figured that I am surrounded by smokers anyway, it's going to be tough so I haven't bothered trying. Hahahaha!
Although I should have a stock of Taiwan's Marl-Lite at hand; since it's so light, I managed to slow down as smoking had lost its purpose -- as if there had been one!

Anyway... It's just something to do. Some people drink, I smoke. But perhaps I should take up drinking since I don't drive anyway..
Bahahhahahahahahaha!!!

Funny how I find myself wanting to explain why I said what I said to people whom don't know me well for fear of being misjudged.
And funny how I keep telling people, and myself that I don't give a rat's ass about what they think of me.
Even funnier is why I wanted to be accepted so badly sometimes -- so I could have an easy ride through life.

But honestly, if I can't say what I want to say.. but I say it anyway, and be misjudged by the people whom don't even know whether I was being serious or simply jesting.. I really shouldn't care of their thoughts of me.
The idea of me being someone else for the sake of superficial happiness.....
Ughhh!!
I can't continue ranting about this. Simply absurd.

So sometimes I'm nutty, sometimes I'm serious.. But most of the time I am just kooky. Love me more when I'm PMSing 'cause that's when I'm easily stuck in my own world. What ever I am at the moment.. I am worthy of love.

Sometimes I fear of being branded as having an "attitude problem", but I should be able to say my mind and so do others. Their failure to say it back is THEIR attitude problem!
Hahhahhahaha! Right?
I think I'm having a surge of abstract thoughts that I'm not sure if anything I've said even relates.
Oh well.. You'll live. Click 'Next blog' if you must.

My clouds are a light shade of gray.. I am in that phase where I am creating troubles in my mind.
I don't know.. Feels like Snow Patrol lyrics right now;

Those three words are said too much, they're not enough..

So I'm needy and clingy and what ever you may call me. I deserve to be loved anyway, so suck it!

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Looong weekend.

And not necessarily a good one.

I got three days off after a three days trip with one of the silliest set of crew I've ever had. They were so much fun, we'd wished that it hadn't been just a three days trip. Sad.

Anyway, been spending this past three days in Seremban.. Getting in touch with my family in a way.
But I've always been detached anyway so you can't make me feel any less awkward.

Izzati had lost a few teeth since I last saw her.. Farhana still has that healthy yet slightly worrying appetite.. And Aqilah managed to call me "Aney", which then followed by Dida saying; "roti telur satu!"
Sigh.

I'm bored..
And it's hot over here.
I miss my dark bedroom and its smell.
The door of our (mine and Dida) bedroom here just locked itself for however reason. Sucks big time.
And to top it off, I miss Encem though I probably shouldn't. After all, I'll get to see him everyday for the next three weeks since we're going to have our conversion class together.

Ughh.. Back to MAA. I have no idea how to wake up at the same time every single morning. Not anymore anyway. My body has gotten used to non-routines!
Traffic.. Sitting the whole day.. Same food in the cafeteria.. Ick!

Okay, I shouldn't complain too much. For all I know, I could be enjoying the time I'll be having!
Although, I wish it wouldn't be as long.. I like flying! And the allowances! Hahahaha!

Worries me a bit that I'm planning to move out at the end of this month. So many things to do before the month ends! And Encem's birthday is next weekend!!! Eeeep!!
Damn Gemini.. ughhh!

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