To age prematurely..

So I was told that I'm a good secret keeper.
The thing about keeping secrets though, unless you'd forgotten about it, the words said will keep repeating itself in your mind.
Without you wanting it, you'd keep thinking about it.. Over and over again.

Feels like I'm jumping years these past few weeks. It doesn't help that my hair are prone to turn grey at the top part of my head. Sure it made me feel like Rogue of X-Men but having grey hair doesn't bode well with a job where your looks are important.

Not sure if the ages that I've acquired is making me more mature..
To be honest I'd prefer to live in denial and pretence than to face myself at this moment. I keep hoping that I've been dreaming all along.
But I am not.
So I'm forced to face my problems head on.

Which sucks.
And heart-breaking.
I wish I could talk to my sisters about it but I doubt they will just 'listen'. And my current friends are mostly 'kids' who shouldn't be burdened by my troubles. My older friends seems to be too attached to their spouses/boyfriends that the idea of them sharing what I have to say doesn't seem like the best idea. And as much as I love and trust my far-friends.. As much as I do share with them.. They are far from here.

So all I have is myself.. Again.
Ageing twice as fast than the normal speed because I have too much to think about.
And all these things are giving me a lazy-phase about work. I am getting too damn lazy to get out of bed and make myself look pretty when I feel nothing but ugly inside.

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