Been a while..

I've been brooding lately, as Julie would put it.
Honestly I feel like my life is becoming more and more non-existent for the past week. Being busy with work just doesn't work for me. Sure I love going to foreign places and see what they could offer to a stranger like I am, but too much of it is making me feel like I'm aging way faster than I should.

I'm grateful.. honestly, to be able to visit these places. Taipei, Beijing and Dubai in one month! It's awesome. But I can't remember when was the last time I had a proper date with the boyfriend. We're always too tired to do anything outside. And come on, staying in watching movies isn't exactly my idea of a perfect day.

I know I am asking a lot, but isn't that the whole point?
To not be afraid to ask..

But who am I kidding.. I am always afraid. I am still unable to speak what goes through my mind. I'm starting to think that it's way too easy -- not talking. I dunno.. It feels as though I am changing but I know it's not for the better. sigh.. It's like I'm wrapping my words in a package and just bidding my time to send it away to nothingness.

I think I am detaching myself.. From loved ones and life even. Perhaps I am embracing the disappearance of my so-called life.
We'll see..

What I know is, I am too tired of putting myself out there and not having anyone to meet me halfway.
I'm tired.. My mind is fed up for having my heart controlling my life's course. Fed up for the headache that's caused from the heartache.
Honestly.