December.

December has always been a curious.. curious month to me.
It being my birthday month, I always wonder what's in store for me.. always wishing that things will be good.
I hope it'll be good.

But I got quite a shock yesterday afternoon after receiving an e-mail of a death of an acquaintance. I didn't know her that well.. I'd only worked with her once long ago. But I remembered her being this sweet and funny girl.
I don't know. Trying to relate someone who seemed so happy with death didn't seem right. It's just so.. untimely.

I don't know.. it's been bugging me all day honestly.
If I die, the natural response would probably be; 'ah well, it's been long time coming..'

It's weird. Coincidentally I'd been having visions of death lately. Not necessarily mine. I wondered how it'd be if one of my family members died..
Or if boyfriend had an accident. Would there be anyone who'd let me know?
Or would it take days before anyone realized that I hadn't known. Maybe after days of him not coming home and not answering any of my phonecalls.. I'd start tracking his friends and only then they would tell me the news?
I worry about these things sometimes. I'm not exactly in his "emergency call list". And even if I am, if I am working.. it won't be possible for anyone to contact me.
So it sucks.
It sucks when I wonder about these things.

And the other day Dida brought news of home that I am not at all happy about.
Everything sucks.
December began with sucky sucky things!

So now I'm scared. Struck by a terrible worry everytime Encem walks out the door. I hate it when people leaves to someplace I couldn't follow.
It sucks.

So tell me December.. is this how it's going to be all month or should I finally learn how to quit hoping.