Shaken again.

How depressed am I to wish to be in an accident?

Perhaps I'd be killed.. but honestly I'd be happy enough if I end up being in a comma. hmmm.. Maybe I could get stuck in a wonderful dream.
Oh well.. a girl can only wish.

Girl keee..?

Honestly speaking though.. what I'm looking for is an amnesia.
I don't know.. considering how frustrating it would be to try and remember my own family is quite upsetting. I can't help imagining them telling me some old, perhaps happy stories from their personal memories as their eyes wells up in tears.
I don't really want to see that.

But I really wish to forget.

Or maybe I was having an amnesia after all.
I'd forgotten how stupid I'd been and now I've allowed it to happen yet again. Somehow I just couldn't stop telling myself how stupid I'd been.
Stupid I am.
Stupid stupid stupid. STUPID.

Can't help but feel so alone everytime this happens. Everytime I am troubled with some personal issues.. I am always alone.
I swear, sometimes I made myself believe that I deliberately jumped into a well and got myself stuck there. Perhaps I really did.
I'm an adult after all.. Perfectly capable of using my God-given brains.. and yet I hadn't used it.

So yeah.. I jumped into a well.
No one had shown me where the well was. No one had led me there. No body had pushed me down. No one.. but me.

Anyway, just like before.. I am.. and shall not blame anyone for what ever that is happening. I did this all by myself, just like self-inflicted pain.
Sure, other people might have led me to do it.. but in the end, it's me who was holding the knife/razor/cigarette (pick your poison).

I really ought to stop wishing for bad things happening to me. But I am.. pretty much depressed at the moment. Just not enough to do anything myself.. Sounds cowardly but I still believe in God.. somehow.
Perhaps I shouldn't have said that. Oh well.. even if I hadn't typed it out, it's still floating through my mind. Hardly any difference.

'Til next time, I suppose.
Take care everyone.. Hope you'll have good days ahead of you.

A stolen kiss.

I can't decide if today was a good day at work or a shitty one.

This morning I was in the same transport with a batchmate; Adi, who then told me that he was doing RGN flight. At the very moment I was cheered by that fact since we'll be in the same flight!
wheeee!

But later we found out that we're flying with one short of crew.. (the stewardess reported sick at the last minute! grrrr siap kau next time bila fly sama..)
And.. it was a full flight to and fro!

Anyway, suppose I can't be too upset over this since I enjoyed the flight. Adi and I were crazy together even though we were so damned tired at the end of it!
It's always good to have a friend on board -- and a super helpful business class stewardess! heehee. I couldn't thank her enough for helping out at the back!


It's a good day..

My four days off..

I honestly thank God for the four days off on my roster this month. Despite the roster itself was organised by the people of the rostering department; it's God I should be thanking..

Having four days off in a row is a rarity, so how did I spend it? I decided to fly to Kuching!

I find it slightly funny to go to Kuching when I am not really crazy about the place. Even funnier when I kept being asked if I originated there. (Apparently I have the "face" of someone of Borneo origins -- because people have asked me if I'm from Sabah too! But no, I'm from Selangor.. Merah Kuning lambang kebanggaan! Bahahahha!)

Knowing Bestie's and Encem's roster, I was nothing but grateful for the perfect timing! They were both in Kuching on a trip.. And it turned out that Luqqy was there too. It was really nice. Just hanging around with my boys.

And just my luck, I bumped into Dar whom happened to be on a holiday as well! What are the chances?? Honestly, it was a weird sort of week. But an enjoyable one nonetheless. I had hoped to catch up with Dar a little more but I had a bad case of flu on the second day I was in Kuching. It was frustrating.. But I am grateful anyway.
Perhaps it's been a year since I last saw Dar, and he used to be my closest friend..

Dear God, how come I never bump into Dar in KL?? hahahaha

So anyway, I'm having a runny nose, a slight fever and a bad case of cough.. But I'm thankful for my week away from home.
And in case you're wondering why have I only mentioned boys in this entry.. I honestly don't know why. Sometimes it feels like all my friends are boys!

Oh sigh..


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A good read..

I've finally got around to read the book boyfriend had given me a while ago. In truth I feel a bit guilty putting it on hold. I can't remember when or why he bought it in the first place..

I know that I've had it for months.. Packed it into my luggage everytime I'm having a night-stop or layover flights..
As for why, knowing us both, perhaps he'd bought the book because I was upset over something. (heh!)

I don't even know why he bought that particular title. He isn't even the type that reads novels but he knows that I love Coelho's works.. But I'd never actually heard any raving reviews for this title to get it myself..
But whatever it is..
I suppose it's these curious little things that I love my boyfriend for.

Anyway, like other Coelho's works.. They always make me wonder. Curious little things. And I've only read a few chapters of it!

I don't know.. Feels like his books reflects my soul..
Always looking.. the elusive perfection.. Completion..
Happiness.

Some people appear to be happy, but they simply don't give the matter much thought. Others make plans; I'm going to have a husband, a home, two children, a house in the country. As long as they're busy doing that, they're like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they react instinctively, they blunder on, with no idea where the target is. They get their car, sometimes they even get a Ferrari, and they think that's the meaning of life, and they never question it. Yet their eyes betray the sadness that even they don't know they carry in their soul."
-- The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

So today I'm feeling blue.
But don't you worry about me. Everything is good. I am just having things to ponder about. And as should you..

Are you happy?
Are you doing the things that you love?
Are you in a good, healthy relationship?
If you answered "no" to any of these questions, what are you going to do about it?

Take care, dear readers!

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To cry the night..

You live and learn...

Funny to be writing this entry.
I was in a such different mood when I wrote my previous entry, but today it feels like it's all been a dream. Or perhaps a nightmare.

It seems like this month HATES me for what ever reason. Nothing I do seems to go well. Anything I planned just blew up in my face.
And as for my heart.. it is shattered into tiny little pieces.

It doesn't seem fixable at the moment.
Perhaps I've been lying to myself this whole time. Thinking that I was happy when in truth I was merely distracted.
And now it feels like the end.

I am done reaching for help.

It is no use.
I'm the one who keeps getting hurt anyway. So I'm done. I'm done trying my best when my best is taken for granted.

Episod Curang.

Been a while since I wrote a bla-bla entry. (One that isn't really about anything but what ever is in my mind.) Bestie told me that my blog has been so crew-like these days.. and I don't like that. I don't like the idea of being defined by what I do for a living.

But since I've touched the subject.. as you can witness here, I am blogging. Not putting on any make-up, or getting ready for flight as I should be. Just lazing in the sofa-bed in the living room.. messied hair, spectacles on with a cigarette burning in my right hand.
The doctor was nice enough to grant me a day's rest for my back-ache, which I really appreciate. Honestly I hate seeing the doctor.. or taking medical leave. I like my records clean but I don't think forcing myself to work is going to help anyone. Guess I won't be having much money next month but I'll live..

So anyway, Bestie asked an interesting question at dinner last night. He asked Encem and myself if every couple has to have that cheating period.. (he worded it "episod curang"; the title of this entry! wa-heyy!)
I burst out laughing while Encem being Encem just ponders off wordlessly.

I'd like to think that not EVERYONE has it.. or had it. But the temptations must've been there..
When I feel ignored by Encem, I sometimes wish I had someone I could cheat with. (oops?) hahahahahha!!
But honestly, I had my episod curang.. It was the preface to my book with Encem really. ughh.. I don't like the fact that I have that episode in my life but.. I don't regret it. hehe

But really.. does everyone has it??
It's.. sad.. and a whole lot of bad karma lying around!

Cheating is terrible anyway. It's just bad.
For me.. honestly.. I didn't know what I really wanted, but still it wasn't a valid reason to cheat. Nothing is ever a reason to cheat! They are all excuses. Bad bad BAD excuses.
I for one was not cut for lying, so my episode didn't last long. My ex deserved better, I know it. So I told him the truth soon after. Encem and I were barely anything but it's not fair to have someone counting on you while you're interested in someone else instead.

I don't know.. sometimes I still wonder why I did what I did. It's not like I was out of love. But maybe I really needed someone who is present. At least that's what I tell myself when I think about it.

Sometimes I wonder if karma is going to get me in the end. Sometimes I imagined Encem having an affair and actually felt how crushed my heart would be. I even dreamt about it once or twice and when I woke up.. I find myself distancing myself from Encem.
It's not really his fault. But I can't exactly control my dreams.. and they had felt real.

God, I hope karma will get me in some other way.
Because Encem.. my dear boyfriend.. is one of the very little things that is good in my life. Sure he pisses me off sometimes.. Leave me here feeling lonely and ignored while he's working.. but still, he's the one that defines home to me. *and cue sentimental violin score!*
Oh, and sometimes, like right now.. I am HATING him for making me want to write about all this crap! ughhh! I swear I was never this needy or clingy to some BOY before! yuck!

So moving on!!!
Kasi potong terus feeling feeling ni.. Tomorrow I'll be on standby. Oh well, at least I won't have to stay up working tonight.. But I do hope I won't get any calls from the office tomorrow and the day after.
I realized that I complain more when I had too much work, compared to when I didn't have much money.

Suppose I could really say that money isn't everything...

Coffee break!

Helloooooo friends and strangers!
Welcome.. welcome..

I am writing this from the comforts of my parents' place in Shah Alam today. As you would have figured, I'm not the one who goes home that often since I've started my career but today I had an interesting bit of day!
Last year I volunteered for a class that the company was offering and finally, I was rostered for it!

What class was it, you ask?
It's called Tea & Coffee Program! hahahahahha!
Honestly, I think the training department just needed something to do with their time, but hey! I'm a coffee-freak, so of course I signed up! -- even without knowing who else signed up for it.

My morning didn't start great, with my hair refusing to cooperate even when I was only tying it up in a ponytail! Then my dad commented on the tailoring of the pants I was wearing -- yes, you read me right! Anyway, I refuse to go into that.
Then we got into the usual traffic jam in Federal Highway trying to get to the Academy -- so I got into class just in the nick of time. Which I hate. I hate being "just in the nick of time".
Perhaps I should also tell you that I'm a bit of a nerd in that area. I don't like being late, or almost late. I prefer being early. So at least I could relax and say.. have a smoke before class. sigh.

Aaaanyway, it had been an interesting program!
I learnt a bunch about tea and coffee today! I only knew bits and pieces previously but now it seems more FUN to be able to tell why mild coffees are mild and how the intense coffees are made. (The tea stuff were informative too, but seriously.. the coffee stuff were just awesome!)

Especially since we were welcomed by a cup of espresso and biscotti as we entered the classroom. (the espresso by the way, was free flow! I had three cups of the darned thing before we actually got into coffee-tasting!)
Oh and interestingly, the instructor was using the CBTL machine I tweet about last week! Makes it kinda hard for me to forget about its existence now..

By the coffee-tasting session of course, I was caffeinated as hell. Hands shaking, heart's racing.. I was talking like an idiot in fast forward. Had lots of laugh though; mostly for feeling like an idiot, of course..
It was basically a shared problem of mine with my table-mates -- whom happened to be people I know! It was neat!
Between us, we took about nine cups of espresso and a latte! -- not counting the crap (that I called "bitter water") that we tried during the coffee-tasting session.

Anyway, dear Bestie.. thank you for getting me that strong Italian coffee for my birthday. I just found out that I absolutely and completely HATE mild Kenyan crap! And I always thought that I had a milder palette; that strong coffee wasn't really for me. Guess I got that wrong.

Feels like I should get something new to feed my coffee obsession.. I already have a French Press, coffee grinder and a coffee drip machine (thank you, Bestie!) and I've always wanted a Mukka Express but if I add a few hundreds to that budget I could get myself a CBTL machine!!
uuhhh.. I should stop myself right there.
I am dreaming of spending the money that I don't have -- which isn't right! hahahahaha!

Alright, this doesn't make any sense to you, but.. Douwe Egberts.
hahahha! It's a reminder to myself actually. It's a really good coffee and Dida and I had in Nederland and honestly I'm tired of Googling for it everytime I try to remember its name. (Doing a search on this blog seems more simpler at times.)

I guess I'm going to leave you now. I need to get packing while I'm still strung on coffee. I sure hope I have that caffeine-crash when I need to fall asleep.. within the next hour would be perfect!

hmm.. Osaka flight is drawing closer.. I'm oddly still thinking of excuses for not going.

Still tired..

sigh.. I knew that this was bound to happen.
It always happens when I complain too much. Balasan Tuhan.. I didn't count my blessings as much as I should've.

Last night I was supposed to do a simple layover flight to Singapore. But due to some technical problem, my entire set was asked to fly to Male instead. sigh. Instead of getting eight hours of sleep in the hotel, we had to work all night.
So I'm tired. I believe I have the RIGHT to complain about this one since the flight I was rostered to was the simplest thing on my roster this month. And I was really looking forward to it! But it was taken away..
It was frustrating.
Really frustrating..
And sad...

Bloody "job".
Those whose been following this blog would know that all these while I haven't really considered what I'm doing as a job. But this month it had really felt like one.
I am border-lining on getting sick here. My body has been warm-ish for days, but I believe in "power of the mind". I refuse to be sick.
I honestly refuse it!
I'm mostly convinced that I'll do my Osaka flight after all. Feels like I'm MEANT for it anyway. Dear God, I hope it's going to be good!

There are two ways in looking at it;
one, my Airbus flights so far had been good. Even when I wasn't comfortable with the working position I was given, I've always had help. There was always someone kind enough to tutor me or at least cut me some slack.. and pick up the pieces that I'd missed. And there is always someone who would go out with me and show me around town.
two, should I get a really bad flight one day, it's really a reality check. I can't have all roses and daisies, can I?
I'm the one who needs something new each day anyway.. (I get bored very easily..) So.. it shall be a learning experience! (trying to be positive here..)

But honestly, it better be a BRILLIANT flight! After all I've been through so far this month.. Dear God, help me pleaseee!!
If it turns out bad, I can't promise that I won't break anything.
Oh God please please pleaaaase!!!
But really.. who am I to demand anything from God? I am just a tiny fleck of existence. So all I could do right now is hope. Hope.. hope.. hope..

Wait.. didn't I have "not to hope" in one of my resolutions a while back? Hmm..
Perhaps that's what the astrologers meant when they say that Sagittarians are positive people. They really can't stop from hoping for the best.

Anyway, I'm tired of being tired.
I always get dark and twisty when I'm exceptionally tired. Physical stress turns emotional and.. well.. you know the drill. There had been plenty of proofs of it in this blog -- and I've had this blog for almost NINE years.
Sometimes it feels crazy.. to be writing about your life for nine years -- and it hasn't been exactly an exciting nine years.

But thank you, dear readers..
For your time in reading my thoughts and letting me share a piece of my life with you. *and cue sentimental violin score*

And thank You God for my cool set of crew last night.. And the bunch of sleepy passengers who didn't demand much at all on flight! We basically spent the night talking and watching the in-flight movies as the passengers sleep. It was definitely an upside to the whole frustration..

Back to base.

I'm home from the day's work..
I have to say that it's been a good day -- even though I did manage to squeeze in that entry mengumpat during transit. But it's a good day.

Started off this morning while I was checking for the tech crew's names for my flight. Somebody tapped me from behind and when I turned around, it was Mumuuu!!! Panjang umor, Alhamdulillah..

Anyway, the flight to and fro AOR was good. Light load!! hahahaha! Okay, a full load is good for the company, but being the crew on a full load flight is tiring!

Oh, it seems like I'll be doing that Osaka flight after all.. Maybe..
Nobody has something else to swap with on the very dates. ughhh! So.. I don't know really.. I'm still undecided. A part of me wants to just do it while half of me is praying hard that the amount of work I'd done for the past few weeks will get me too sick to fly. hahahahha!

It's going to be yet another lonely night. Encem's doing a night flight. I'm glad that I get to spend the day with him yesterday. Finally had a meal together.. But still.. not enough! sigh..
I seriously have no idea when did I become this needy..
Perhaps I'll do something nice for him when he gets home in the morning.. IF I manage to wake up early..

I'm hoping that Bestie will take me out to dinner tonight.. 'cause I have NO IDEA how am I going to spend my night! Studying just doesn't seem appealing right now -- especially since I am so friggin' sleepy. Hardly four hours of sleep last night. ughhh!

Okay. Enough complaining.
Thank You God for making this a good day! I know I complain a lot.. but I hope I say thanks to You just as much..

Tiga jam transit..

Haih..
Peringatan: aku tak suka cerita pasal keje -- TETAPI.. Harini ada 3 jam transit! Nak buat hape kat airport ni?
Maka kita bercerita lah tentang kerja...

Dua sektor pertama tadi agak mencabar kesabaran.. Bukan 'agak' sebenarnye.. MEMANG mencabar..
KUL/LGK
Passenger profile untuk first sector: INDIAN.. Hello!
So apa yang aku dah brief kat korang sebelum ni maintain ye; call button.. Water.. Sebok je.

Aku tak suka the fact that keje ni buat aku jadi racist sket. Tapi nak kata betul betul racist pun tak jugak. Like I said; passenger profiling. Bila tau passenger profile, kita boleh anticipate apa yang diorang nak! (Ecewwah..)
Just happens that aku tak suka orang meminta tak kena tempat. Hehe..

Contoh: tadi dalam kalangan Indian yang beramai ramai tu, tersentil dua orang Cino. Aku hulur basket peanuts, sorang amek dua genggam, sorang lagi amek segenggam.. Lepas tu time dah sampai nak keluar ada hati lagi mintak extra! Tapi flight full kan, so aku tak pun menipu bila aku kata dah tak ada extra..
Like I said dalam entry sebelum ni lah, kalau ada.. Memang aku kasi!

Aku tak faham obsessi passenger dengan kacang tu.. Aku sendiri tak makan. Tak penah suka kot. Especially bila semua orang bukak dalam kabin.. Bau macam kentut!!
Aku yang dah biasa bau ni pun still rasa bau macam kentut! Tak lali langsung..

Now, LGK/KUL..
Passenger: Cino mainland.
Set yang cakap bahasa dia manjang and expect kau tau apa dia nak. Kalau korang boleh cakap Cina, memang plus point lah bila kerja ni.. Geng China mainland ni memang selalu dalam kapal.. Ikut tour..

Diorang pun suka amek kacang extra extra.. Aku terpaksa kasi sorang satu tadi (flight full!) Pastu diorang ni sebok cuit cuit aku nak lagi.. Pastu aku cakap la "if I have extras then I'll give it to you," but of course, diorang tak paham.. Cuit cuit lagi..
Lain kali aku cakap Melayu je la ngan diorang.

Lepas tu masa nak landing kat KL, time tuu la ada sorang makcik ni nak ke toilet. Ye yee steward aku cakap kat dia suh duduk sebab dah nak landing -- siap hand gesture la untuk penekanan kan. Dia diri je situ depan pintu blur blur. End up steward aku tarik tangan makcik tu duduk sebelah dia kat crew seat.
Seconds lepas tu memang kapal land.
Bengong kan passengers ni? Bukan tak nampak tanah kat luar.. Naaaak jugak gi toilet time tu.

Kadang kadang teringin gak tengok passenger tergolek. Tapi nanti kitorang pulak masalah. Aisyy..
Kena administer first aid ke apa.. Tapi salah kitorang ke bila passenger tak dengar cakap? Tak kan??

Anyway, makcik tu end up tak gi pun toilet. Time taxing dia pegi balik seat dia. Jadi, apakah motif dia ke toilet time landing???
Aku pun tak tau laa..

Lagi satu aku tak paham obsessi terhadap toilet aircraft. Aku seboleh bolehnya minum sikit je.. Tahan kencing sebab taknak guna toilet tu. Dah laa kecik! Air recycled!
Pastu passenger complain busuk.. Salah siapakah??? Crew sebok kerja koot.. Bukan menghabiskan masa guna toilet. And kat dalam kapal tu tak ada Mr Muscle untuk kitorang cuci toilet tu.. Paling paling kitorang boleh buat cuma spray air freshener je..
Plus, point paling penting -- kami adalah CABIN CREW.. Bukan toilet cleaner, harap maklum.

Kami cuba tolong, tapi renung renungkan lah.. Apa sangat je yang kitorang boleh buat..

Okay, sat lagi nak masuk kapal..
KUL/AOR/KUL pulak.. Harapnya passenger okay. Mood tengah tak best nak melayan kerenah pelik pelik.
Letih badan, tak cukup tido..

So korang bakal passenger, be nice to your crew yee.. Buat baik dibalas baik.. Tapi kalau crew korang memang kurang ajar, hmm.. Give them hell lah! Hahaha
Tapi berjaga jagalah.. Pusing pusing, diorang yang pegang makanan minuman korang atas kapal tu..
Hahahahahahah!!

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Hoi letiiih!!

Dah keje lima hari straight.
Semua pun kena bangun pagi. And lima hari ni aku asyik kene maintain stewardess business class. Kenapa? Sebab akulah stewardess paling SENIOR dalam set aku.
HA - HA - HA!!
Serius kelakar bila aku yang paling senior. Kerja baru setahun setengah dah senior ke? Bayangkan budak Darjah 2.. dah kira senior ke diorang? hahahahha!
Tapi itulah hakikatnya.. Dah makin banyak budak baru sekarang. Haritu trip tiga hari memang nama aku lepas nama Leading. Terus PALING SENIOR crew dalam flight ye, terima kasih! Night stop semalam lak senior crews laki.. Junior bawah aku first month flying. Kesiaan dia.. Buat flight Phuket time kau budak baru lagi memang seksa. Flight time sejam lebih sikit je.. Tak menang tangan nak melayan orang putih yang nak makan/minum macam macam.

Aku rasa macam nak pesan macam macam kat korang.. Pesanan untuk korang yang bakal naik kapal as penumpang. Tapi malas nak menaip pulak! hahahha.. banyak sangat kot.
Oleh sebab itu, aku kasi ringkasan ini lah; senyum itu sedekah, and kat dalam mulut korang tak ada emas -- bila crew korang senyum, senyum lah balek. Bila diorang kata "selamat datang", jawablah balek "terima kasih". Benda simple yang tak makan lima saat tu goes a long way.

Percayalah cakap aku that bila crew happy, korang juga akan happy.
Aku faham korang dah bayar tiket, tapi korang tanya lah crew dari mana mana airline pun.. diorang akan cakap kewujudan kitorang dalam kapal tu first and foremostly is for safety reasons! Service comes second. Service with a smile is a BONUS.
Cuba korang senyum tanpa reason sikit, aku nak tengok!

Anyway, aku keletihan..
Esok buat Manila pastu aku nak tido puas puas!! Aku tak nak bangun selagi belum pukul 11! HAHAHAHAHA! Mimpi la kalau ada sesiapa ajak aku keluar.
Aku baru perasan aku dah lama gila tak makan ngan Encem. I know it sounds measly, tapi benda benda camtu penting kot. hmm.. Like I said in an earlier entry.. Bulan ni bulan lonely.
Benci!!
So skarang aku tengah melangut sambil tunggu dia balek dari keje. hmmph! Bosan!

Fly fly fly!!

(Say them in a whiny yet monotonous tone that is easily recognised as frustration.. Or boredom, take your pick!)

So today I'm in JB.
I know I shouldn't complain but I swear, JB (and Penang for that matter) was a hell lot more interesting place before I became a cabin crew! I'm sure those of you who are from these places don't share the same views as I do. I myself remember having crazy-fun times in these places.
So I suppose I blame the hotels that we are put in these days.. So far away from town!!
I'm not even the partying type -- but how could they place me so far away from good FOOD?!! So mean! The company is SO mean sometimes! *cakap sambil hentak hentak kaki*

I was in Penang TWICE last month but not once did I get to have pasembur!! *peluk tubuh* And I am in JB now and I have no one to get me to some good ole otak-otak! *cebik*
I really should've made more contacts all around the country. haihh..

You would think that cabin crew are one of the most friendliest people on earth. They smile and say hi to complete strangers.. Make conversations about the little little things they notice about a passenger..
But recently it struck me; I made connections -- but never a relationship. I have a lot of acquaintances -- but not too many friends. It's a lonely life, not really for everyone.

It's cool to see a new place, but it's ALWAYS the people you're with that makes it fun.
It's always about the PEOPLE.
Money means very little when you don't have anyone to spend it on. hehe.. My opinion anyway. I know Bestie would have a different idea.. Hahahaha
Kids.. I swear it was damn amusing when he claims the other day; "yes! I finally won a debate with Wanie!" (with his fist in the air) hahahahhaha!!

I'm not necessarily always right.. It's just that EVERYONE has to fight/debate with me to be right. Hahahahaha!!
Disclaimer: I just happen to be egotistical and stubborn at the same time. Love me or hate me, I don't need indecisiveness.

Okay, I'm rambling out of "topic".. Sorry about that.
So due to the recent cold war with Encem for the past few days (because of his lack of response to my texts -- okay, that sounds a bit stupid to fight over for but it's just one of those things that you just have to experience yourself!) I had Dida come pick me up from the airport yesterday so I could spend some quality time with family.

It was nice.. And sad at the same time. Being reminded of how damn long I haven't seen Nina and the kiddies. They've all grown.. And entertaining.. And annoying too at the same time!
And I don't know.. It was somehow.. Poetic, being in the same room with my two sisters and my three nieces.
Not for long though since Nina is pregnant!
I really should come home more often and not just when I ran out of clean clothes.. huhuuu

So yeah.. I've been working a LOT this week. Two nights in Kuching, tonight in JB and a daily flight to Manila the day after tomorrow. That's SIX bloody days of morning flights! I am tired and I want my off days!! rawr!

And I am giving away my Osaka flight. It'll be a blow to my allowance but honestly, I'm just not looking forward to working on an Airbus, let alone a 7-hours flight! I choose health and happiness over money, thank you very much!

Now this is a long entry.. Guess that just happens sometimes.
Ciao!

On a sidenote, does anyone knows of a good dermatologist in KL? I am having a bad rash on my legs.. Ughh! Bloody dryness..

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Off day.

Tapi tension.

Last night Encem asked me to go to the management office since we haven't got the water bill for months. So I did..
The girl behind the desk was.. incompetent, to put it nicely. She took a while to produce the bill and when I gave her an RM50 note, she told me that she didn't have any change for it -- and asked me to go and get smaller notes. WTF!
I think it is a common knowledge that working as a cashier, you SHOULD have change! And YOU should get your big butt off the chair and get them, not your customer! Plus, I am doing her a favour by coming in and ask about my bill! It is the management's responsibility to send the friggin' bill every month but they failed at that!

So anyway, I went back to my apartment, have a smoke.. Felt like going back waaay later, but I hate unfinished business. You never know when you're going to die, right? And I hate the idea of my soul haunting the management office..
So I went back with RM55. As I handed the money, I said "RM10 change"; and I know she had it since I saw a lady gave her an RM10 note just moments ago. She took her time.. looking for the receipt she'd already written earlier.. then she pressed some numbers on the CALCULATOR!! 55 - 45.. Oh, what hard numbers to calculate in your head....
UGHHH!!!!

Oh, I'm becoming even more cranky these days.. I know.
Too much work does no good to anyone.

Lagi Bahasa Melayu.

I've decided to write in Malay when I feel like writing about work.
So..

Flight semalam dengan senangnye dikategorikan sebagai CIBAI. Terima kasih rostering sebab kasi flight crew hanjeng, really appreciate it.
Rasa ala ala kalau keje sorang kat dalam satu aircraft tu lagi bagus sebenanye daripada mengadap bebudak semalam. Actually sorang je yang menyakitkan hati tahap maksima.. tapi sebab yang lain pun macam.. entahlah. Rasa buang masa sangat.
Tak suka bercerita pasal keje, tapi tertekan sebenanye.
Balek dah sampai transpot pulak nampak boifren berlalu pegi dalam van. Terima kasih lagi sekali. Dah sign nama kat kaunter tu, nampaklah ada nama aku sooorang je. TERTINGGAL. Sedih.

Emo benar semalam actually sampai tak mampu nak bercakap. Rasa nak nangis kat kaunter tu so dengan cepat aku blah pegi kat tangga nak merokok. Skali ada si Ejaz kat situ tengah smoking. Yah! Alhamdulillah, a friendly face! Rasa nak peluk je mamat tu tapi tak eloook. huhuhuu
Aku mengadu pasal flight aku, dia mengadu pasal flight dia..

Mamat flight semalam memang dikenali dengan sifat hanjeng dia, so senang je cerita kat Ejaz. Sebut je nama hanjeng tu, Ejaz tersenyum dah paham.
Benci bila kerja dengan orang tak bertamadun. Cakap nak gah, tapi takde isi. Suka menipu. Tapi karma kan, Tuhan Maha Adil.. kau buat jahat dengan orang, Tuhan balas balik kat kau. Padan muka kaki kau bengkak semalam. Tak adanye aku nak kesian. Meraunglah kau sekuat hati, aku takleh nak fake concerned pun. Lagi aku nak senyum ada. hehehe

Okay, aku tak suka mengumpat honestly. Sakit hati ni ada lagi tapi serius aku tak suka mengumpat. Udah udah la dosa aku buat selama aku hidup ni.. benda benda yang aku boleh elakkan aku nak elakkan.
So hopefully aku boleh lupakan episode hanjeng semalam dengan segera. Sangat tak suka ada rasa sakit hati ni while trying to refrain myself from talking about it. Lagi cakap, lagi teringat pun.

Oh well..

Ohh! Lagi satu.. cik Saloma baca blog ni. err.. Rasa segan. Selama ni rasa dia cam celebrity koooot! hahahaha! Blog aku ni tak pun macam blog dia yang memang lebih cerita pasal jadi cabin crew. Aku lak jenis tak suka bercerita pasal keje.. Kalau lepak ngan kengkawan crew jugak yang bukak cerita pasal keje, kau tengoklah betapa diamnye aku kat meja tu.
So kalau korang dapat link aku from blog cik Saloma and mengharapkan untuk baca cerita jadi cabin crew, sori ye.. tak banyak yang korang akan dapat tau..

Tahun baru.

Dalam banyak banyak benda yang paling aku tak suka cerita, pasal kerja lah number one.
Tapi sebenarnya banyak benda kita sama sama boleh belajar dari experience. And since kerja aku ni banyak jumpa orang, aku banyak belajar pasal kerenah manusia ni.
Patut bila jadi cabin crew kita dapat diploma/degree sociology. By the time jadi IFS dah masters or PhD..

Aku actually tak suka nak generalize-kan orang, since I like to believe that every single person is unique. Tapi sebab dah jumpa banyak orang kan.. Setahun setengah dah flying.. Agak senang juga lah nak generalize orang.. to the point that it becomes a bit racist.
Contohnya macam pagi tadi.. buat peanuts+juice sector je ni, tapi sebab flight KBR.. aku sengaja letak extra extra kacang dalam bakul tu. Ada saja orang nak amek segenggam. Come on la, kalau korang mintak elok elok, takde nye kitorang tak bagi.. Amek segenggam tu over la.. (Pernah ada ambik siap dua genggam.. Agaknya kalau ada tiga tangan, tiga genggam lah kot)

Kalau famili travel ngan baby lagi satu. Famili Melayu sentiasa prepared.. Dalam bag tu ada dua-tiga botol.. susu dah siap.. Kadang kadang air panas dah ada pun dalam thermos. Patut la mak mak kita suka bawak handbag besa besa kan?
Tapi kalau Cina, kadang kadang tu siap susu pon nak orang provide. Seriously?! Mak cemana korang ni? Dalam beg beso tu ada apa? Rasa macam tak sayang anak pun ada.. Cemana kalau kitorang takde susu nak kasi? Korang biar je la anak korang lapar? Semua benda pun nak mintak. Playing cards lah.. Souvenir lah.. SEMUA pun nak.

India pulak.. baru je masuk aircraft dah mintak air. Kadang kadang tu siap nak potpetpotpet lagi cakap nak makan ubat. Ubat motion sickness ke encik? Just so you know, ubat tu kalau kau makan 30 minit before flight, tak jalan.. Kalau memang ubat sakit lak, tak ke pelik nak masuk aircraft baru nak makan?
Kan senang kalau kau cakap kau suka minum air? Aku tau dah korang suka minum air aircraft.. tapi kot ye pon sabo sabo ler.. Servis tak start lagi.. Priorities kitorang is on safety. Takdenye korang mati kalau tak dapat air sebelum take-off kan? Tak payah la nak tekan tekan call button tu.

Tapi seriously ni sume minor je. Honestly speaking, kalau aircraft tu ada ape yang passenger mintak, aku tak kesah kasi.. Bukan aku nak bawak balek pun. Tu bukan barang bapak aku, nak sesuka hati bawak balek..
Paling aku menyampah.. jengjengjeng.. Orang bawak beg besa masuk kabin pastu tak reti nak susun kat compartment! Lagi contoh dari flight pagi tadi; sorang pakcik ni, takde laa tua.. Paling paling 50s kot, jalan pakai tongkat. Badan besa, tegap, perut pun besa.. Jalan masuk kabin bawak trolley bag. Pastu dah sampai seat dia, dia diri tengah aisle tu pastu tunjuk beg dia. Aku pun cakap la elok elok, "kita angkat sama ye.."
Tapi end up aku angkat sorang! APAKAH?!! Dia diri situ pegang tongkat dia. Pastu aku pun dengan nada control sakit hati, "eh, saya pulak angkat sorang!" dengan senyuman manis yang tak ikhlas langsung. Dia pun sengih sengih ingat aku buat kelakar. Kepala hatok kau! Naseb baik beg kau ringan!

Take note ye bakal penumpang sekalian.. Kalau beg korang besa/berat atau korang pendek/sakit tak larat nak angkat.. SILA CHECK IN LUGGAGE ANDA. Senang cerita. Jangan halang aisle tu dengan beg korang pastu expect kitorang cabin crew nak tolong angkat je. Hari hari tolong angkatkan beg, korang ingat tulang belakang kitorang ni besi??
Tak ada dalam job description kitorang untuk angkatkan beg korang. Sorry, we are not bell boys ataupun khadam, terima kasih.
Just because muka aku still lepas kalau mengaku 21-22 korang ingat aku muda. Badan ni dah pakai 26 tahun dah. Korang tak tengok cemana aku jalan balik dari flight dua bulan lepas.. Aku nak gi toilet pun jadi malas.. Jalan bongkok je sebab sakit nak mampus, takde sape pun tolong.

Aku tak paham bila LELAKI suruh perempuan tolong angkatkan beg. Konon tak ego lah, tak malu nak mintak tolong.. Time time camtu tiba tiba tak ego. Dah pemalas tu pemalas jugak.
Just because cabin crew korang NAMPAK muda, tak semestinya diorang sehat 100%. Just because diorang tinggi lampai, senyum bila korang masuk, dia tak penah accident sampai sakit belakang.. Korang pandai bawak barang barang tu, tolong lah pandai pandai simpan sekali ye.

Rasanya tak silap kalau cakap the top two ailments of cabin crews are slip disc and depression.
Slip disc tu dah banyak sangat cerita. Depression pun.. ye lah, hidup lonely. Kau duduk ada housemate pun, cuti tak sama. Contohnya macam aku ni lah..
Haritu seminggu straight tak nampak kelibat Encem. Lonely. Bulan ni pun bulan lonely jugak. Bertembung camtu camtu je. Aku ni dah laa jenis tak bercakap, dengan sape laa aku nak mengadu kalau tak dengan dia?
Fed up pun ada. Rasa nak quit tu pun ada kadang kadang. Tapi aku ni bukan jenis keje-di-meja punya orang. Lagi depressed kot kalau tiba tiba kene keje ikut office hours. So redha je la.
Thankful pun sebenanye dapat keje ni. Sebab bila dapat passenger best, sopan santun, set crew gila, memang boleh terlupa pasal benda benda tak best previous passenger buat..

Anyway, dah 2011 dah pun.. Perasaannye masih sama..
Tahun ni belum ada resolution. Tapi seperti tahun tahun lepas, mari kita review balek resolution 2010;

"More on self-improvement and not about things I want to achieve or have. No deadline. No wishes. No wants. (Okay, maybe just a little.) But mostly just going with the flow without being pushed around by the current -- if that makes any sense at all.

I will lead a better life, choose healthier food, start an actual exercise routine.. even as minor as going up and down the flight of stairs. Have healthier thoughts and laugh more."

Expectation tahun lepas tak va-va-voom sangat.
Tapi yang pasti I didn't exercised at ALL! Konon je. Bab makanan tu, sihat sikit kot. Dah kurang makan fast-food (especially sejak pindah rumah and ban McD -- exception untuk Prosperity Burger sahaja)
Wishes and wants tu ada, tapi semua short term so dapat lah! Healthier thoughts and laugh more.. biasa biasa je kot. Biasalah, you can't really change who you are.

2010 banyak benda jadi kot. Or maybe sebenarnye tak banyak, tapi impact besar. Hopefully dah belajar dari kesilapan. Tapi entah lah, susah nak cakap.
Resolution 2011.. karang karang la pikir. Takde idea lah. Umur dah meningkat ni, otak dah makin realistic. Nak tulis dalam blog macam.. perlu ke? Tak menarik langsung. Yang pasti, walaupun hujung tahun ni umur jadi 27.. topik kahwin tu masih belom ada yee.. hahaha! So toksah nak tanya.

Sampai lain kali.. Anyway, entry kali ni saje je tulis in Malay. Kekok sebenarnye since I THINK in English.. (I know, I'm a snob.) Tapi saje.. one of. hehe
Oh! Kalau korang suka baca blog cabin crew.. this one is my favourite; it's of Malaysian in UAE.

Have a good year, everyone!