Shaken again.

How depressed am I to wish to be in an accident?

Perhaps I'd be killed.. but honestly I'd be happy enough if I end up being in a comma. hmmm.. Maybe I could get stuck in a wonderful dream.
Oh well.. a girl can only wish.

Girl keee..?

Honestly speaking though.. what I'm looking for is an amnesia.
I don't know.. considering how frustrating it would be to try and remember my own family is quite upsetting. I can't help imagining them telling me some old, perhaps happy stories from their personal memories as their eyes wells up in tears.
I don't really want to see that.

But I really wish to forget.

Or maybe I was having an amnesia after all.
I'd forgotten how stupid I'd been and now I've allowed it to happen yet again. Somehow I just couldn't stop telling myself how stupid I'd been.
Stupid I am.
Stupid stupid stupid. STUPID.

Can't help but feel so alone everytime this happens. Everytime I am troubled with some personal issues.. I am always alone.
I swear, sometimes I made myself believe that I deliberately jumped into a well and got myself stuck there. Perhaps I really did.
I'm an adult after all.. Perfectly capable of using my God-given brains.. and yet I hadn't used it.

So yeah.. I jumped into a well.
No one had shown me where the well was. No one had led me there. No body had pushed me down. No one.. but me.

Anyway, just like before.. I am.. and shall not blame anyone for what ever that is happening. I did this all by myself, just like self-inflicted pain.
Sure, other people might have led me to do it.. but in the end, it's me who was holding the knife/razor/cigarette (pick your poison).

I really ought to stop wishing for bad things happening to me. But I am.. pretty much depressed at the moment. Just not enough to do anything myself.. Sounds cowardly but I still believe in God.. somehow.
Perhaps I shouldn't have said that. Oh well.. even if I hadn't typed it out, it's still floating through my mind. Hardly any difference.

'Til next time, I suppose.
Take care everyone.. Hope you'll have good days ahead of you.