A quick one.

Last day in Ho Chi Minh City..

It hasn't been a great start to the day.. so I'm moody.
I'll write again when I find my mood.
Maybe I'm just tired.
I HOPE it's only because I am tired, because honestly if it's something else then I would have a bad attitude for the rest of this trip!

I'll write again soon hopefully.
pffft!
Just feeling so shitty despite being on "holiday".

On the job.

I think I've once said that I love the fact that I didn't call my work as "work"..
A job that I wouldn't call a "job".
I suppose I need to take it back, now.

I never minded working on holidays or the weekends, but I now find myself irked by it.
If I am forced to be working on ground, why am I deprived of lazing in the weekends? Right?

I know that I've been complaining a lot. To be honest, I am just bored.. I am simply demotivated to wake up everyday.. put on my uniform.. making my way to work, but really going nowhere. I feel stuck.

Encem did his last flight yesterday.. I saw his name on the "Resigned list" at the office and couldn't help myself feeling sad about it. It's like an end of an era of some sorts.
The gang started out with 6; one got married and had a baby.. one left for medical reasons.. and Encem left because he was.. bored? Frustrated..? I don't know..
I honestly don't know how to answer to people's questions about him.
Sure, he's my boy.. but I don't feel right to say anything about his life. I don't know, maybe we are an odd sort of couple.

Anyway, then there's three.. Mumu, Bestie and I..
Mumu's married, so at least there's some kind of a progress there. So now there's just us two, Bestie!
What are we going to do with our lives...?

Oh well.. that sounds like something to think deeply about.. In someplace awaaay from the workplace! Definitely not from the spot where I am right now. hehe.
An ex of mine tied the knot today. One is engaged, now one is married.. Good thing I only have four ex-es. And good thing that I have no idea about the other two of them. This is as stagnant as I'm willing to be!

I'm looking forward to my holiday with Dida! Just two days away.. I'm excited!
Now.. two and a half hours to go before I get to go home!

First day of Eid.

27-years old, and today was the first time that I had to spend the first of Syawal away from home.
I wish I was in someplace new and exciting but no, I had to work at the lounge from seven 'til four! It's sad...
What's sadder is that I'll be working on the same hours tomorrow.

I'm really not crazy about my life right now. My feet hurts, my mind's wary for getting shitty sleep at night. I've been getting less than 3 hours of sleep for the past couple of nights, and I don't know why. I just can't seem to get my eyes shut.

The only awesome thing about anything is the bit where my family packed me a HUGE feast of Raya-food the previous night for me to enjoy here.
I feel like a kid for being spoiled this way..
Sadly, I am simply too tired now to heat them up and no one is around to enjoy it with/for me.

Anyway, I thank God for my family..
Thank God that time and time again I am forgiven for my faults and sins; that my family takes my crap, yet still loves me.
I probably don't deserve any of it, but thank God!

Alhamdulillah...

And as for you readers, I pray that you'll have a good Syawal.. I apologize for my tactlessness in my entries and all those vulgar words I threw in every chance that I get..
Selamat Hari Raya!

Heart-headache.

I chose a song from the playlist in the player..
It wasn't something that I've heard before. It was slow, jazzy and sounded romantic. Intimate.
I walked towards the bedroom, the door was slightly ajar.
I peeked through and saw the back of a plump woman with long wavy hair getting out of bed, wearing an oversized shirt and nothing else.
I moved to my right to see the rest of the bedroom and met with a disappointment as I saw him in bed topless, the crumpled bedsheet covering his privates. A smile stretched across his face as he looked on to the woman who was moving about the room.

I was invisible to them. He was oblivious of me standing there, staring, gaping...
Screaming inside.

...aaand that was my cue to wake up!

I call this, "Mimpi yang sangat babi".
Of course when I told Encem about it he assured me that it was just a dream.
Sure sure.. it was a dream. Doesn't mean that I could just forget about it. The emotions were real. Or at least felt SO real to me. I was so confused.. still is, to be truth. And upset. Mostly because I don't know how to let it go. And knowing that it isn't really Encem's fault to begin with.

Just a day after I told Bestie that I haven't had a dream in a while; at least none that I could remember to talk about in the morning...
THIS!
After months, probably.. I had to dream about THIS! Of Encem's infidelity.
grrrrr...

Though it was just a dream.. I am still disappointed. So disappointed that I don't feel like smiling or even try to laugh about it.
I think I've told Encem plenty of times before to always be honest with me. Even if honesty is going to hurt me. That if he ever got bored of me, he should say it to me first before going out to find other sources of entertainment.

Perhaps I should remind him this.

Anyway, I know for a fact that I've been feeling lonely lately. Work's been all too consuming that we mostly spend our free time sleeping.
I honestly need a good, long vacation. And a conversation that is worth my time.

Short breaks and distractions just doesn't cut it anymore.

Bak pungguk rindukan bulan..

I'm on my flying week!
Wooooohoooooo!!!
I cannot tell you how good it is to be flying again. I needed my dose of the aerial view of the world oh-so badly!!
Not too keen that the weather's been hazy, but I'll take whatever that I can get!

It's so gooood to be going somewhere again. To talk about travelling.. Evening plans, be it only in Kuching.. Vent as much as I want about my days in the lounge.. Hear others vent about their flights not having enough crew.. Joke about passengers.. Everything!
I've missed it all..

I absolutely love that I flew with friends today.. Bumped into (walked by at the corner of a small hallway, really) my favourite leading in the morning; I gasped out of surprise -- should've at least said hi -- he responded with a chuckle.. Thanks!
I've come to terms that I might actually, honestly, have a little crush on him. Teehee!

I really hope that I could fly full-time again soon.. Before I get too tired of it all.
I'm tired that I have no time for anything while I'm working at the lounge. Freakin' forty two hours a week is just mad!! Freakin' forty two hours a week for three bloody weeks in a month is just fucked up, I tell you!
We are a damn fine bunch of flight attendants and the company had clipped our wings. Just thinking about it gets me all worked up.

Friends are leaving for the 'other' airline. Can't say that I'm unaffected. My only reason for staying now is my sheer refusal to join THAT airline.
I still want to fly..
I still want to travel..
I still want to find things I could laugh about in random people..
Sigh.

I'd hate to seem disloyal, but I need to find my happy place again.