To age is a privilege..

I never really appreciated those words until this year..

After the disappearance of flight MH370 and the downing of MH17, I don't think things will ever be the same. Not for me anyway.

There isn't much to say, since there isn't much facts. All there is for the time being are speculations, theories, assumptions..

I am torn between wanting to see a glimpse of the flowered pattern of our uniform and the fear of seeing the state that it is in when found.

USA Today posted a picture of a crew's handbag on their website yesterday and my heart broke again.

I want each one of them found and returned to the ones who loved them. They all deserve that. Everybody deserves that.

But seeing shots of a crew's passport.. A medical book.. A handbag.. Is just not enough. I want THEM found! As of the moment I am typing this out, only 186 bodies have been recovered within the 15km diameter of the crash site.

Where are the other hundred? Where are they? Where are my colleagues? Enough with the missing people!

Yesterday on my flight from Manila; my first flight after the incident, a passenger said he was sorry for our lost. Caught off guard, I just said thanks without much thought.

Not long after that another passenger asked if we were okay. I just told him that we were okay thus far..

It was easy to forget about your sad thoughts when you keep yourself busy, and that flight was pretty busy. The odd bunch of Indian passengers had kept me busy until about an hour before we arrive into Kuala Lumpur as they were finally contented.

I was in a pretty good mood. I was flying with a friend. I felt contented and happy to realize that I was still capable of smiling sincerely.. and I looked out through the windows to see the beautiful orange-tinted clouds as the sun began to set..

Then my eyes started to well up.

My obsession with the sky..

How would I feel if that ends up to be the very last thing that I see?

When God calls, you answer. There is no other way about it.

But I pray that I will have more time on Earth. Have the time to write something that matters to society. See the blue rooftops of the houses in Santorini. Love wholeheartedly. Age gracefully. Be the person that I want to be.

Just don't let me be lost forever, please.