nothing to be seen...

Felt somewhat invisible this morning.. Thanks dude for making feel me this way.. You've been very helpful.. (NOT AT ALL!!)
Been feeling furious for RP's irresponsabilities. HOW DID YOU GET THIS WAAAAAY!! You disappointed me today, for real! I'm sorry for saying that, and I'm sorry for cursing a bit this morning.. Before today I used to get jealous of the time you spent with your bf but now my mind's totally changed. Right now, you can just do what ever you like to do 'coz I'm just numb about you right now.. I don't even know you anymore!!.. And Prisca have nagged on you this morning 'aight? So that's it.. do what so ever you like to do.. I wish for your happiness!
Sent the photography work with Prisc and Lill. It went fine.. THANK GOODNESS! The lecturers didn't comment much.. I think they kinda liked the Oreo, even! hahha~! Did some things at the very last minute.. but we three manage to pull it together. Dengan tak malu nyee... Prisca, Lily and Sweetpea roxX!! HAHHAHA~! (I think that should sound MIGHTY silly.
Got into the car after submission and an old song was on! I used to reaaaaaaaaaally love this song! Brought back my standard school memories! :x How Pn. Zaiton kantoikan Wanie jumping around singing this song like a mad man at home. HAHHAHA!! She told the whole class and everyone was like.. smiling around.. :p note from this: get a house faaaaaaaaaar from any of your teachers.. or! If they move in after you did, sabotage their house with pests so they will be forced to get out! HAHAHHA~!

The Sign by Ace Of Base

I got a new life
You would hardly recognize me
I'm so glad
How can a person like me care for you?
Why do I bother
When you're not the one for me?
Oo-oo oo oo-oo
Is enough, enough?

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
No-one's gonna drag you up
To get into the light where you belong
cause where do you belong?

Under the pale moon
For so many years, I've wondered
Who you are
How could a person like you bring me joy?
Under the pale moon
Where I see a lot of stars
Oo-oo oo oo-oo
Is enough, enough?

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
No-one's gonna drag you up
To get into the light where you belong
cause where do you belong?
Oh, oh, oh-oh

I saw the sign and it opened up my mind
And I am happy now livin' without you
I've left you
Oh, oh, oh-oh

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
No-one's gonna drag you up
To get into the light where you belong

I saw the sign, I saw the sign
I saw the sign
I saw the sign, I saw the sign
I saw the sign, I saw the sign
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign

We went round and round the campus just so the song could finish! Thanks Prisc! Eyyhh! I managed to get the song downloaded in less than a minute! Ain't that just AMAZING!! woohooo~!
I'm tired of thinking/wondering now.. I need a break please~! :D But not too long.. I don't want to lose my heart.. :)

sometimes I boggle my own mind...

too many posts...

Ignore the ones that you refuse to read...

Just read Lill's latest entry..
I guess I do have things to say about it but somehow it turns out to be "all about me" somehow.
I'm not sure if I made it look the way I wanted it to look just now. I guess it's no point asking the real reason of your blog title. To me, you can see your life as you'd like to see it.. 'coz no one's commenting on how I see my life.
Sorry if you feel that that's how much life is worth.. but it's absolutely understandable if you're not content with life.. (as I can't really be sure that I am!)
And I'm sorry if I've 'forced' you to fake what you didn't feel at some times. I guess I was being selfish for always acting the way I am.. not considering what I said to you or the others and did all those childish and immature things that I did without thinking 'bout what the consequences are. I do realize that I can hurt people with my words at times. Sorry for that.
But this morning when you were explaining yourself... it just made me realize one thing.
As much as I thought I know a person.. I really don't! This is the second time I reminded myself that way. The first time was when Zero left me. hehhe! (somehow it made me feel stupid remembering 'bout him.. bluerghh~) I'm sorry for the fact that I trust people to act the way they am as I act the way I am. People are so full of surprises and you are one of those people who has this huge closet of secrets.
I saw it in your eyes this morning.. how you thought that it was absurd.. trying to explain the real you to Prisc. The way you look at us.. I know you wish not to say anything on the subject.. but you did anyways. Why? Was it to make us 'happy'? Sorry if I am wrong about this. I'm still learning about you peeps. (and happy learning it!) Sorry if telling us the things you told us hurt you.. As it somehow did to me. 'Coz it hurts badly.. knowing how a good pretender you really are.. (been realizing that for sometime now..) But this is not about me.. Why should you care about how I feel when we're talking about you, here.. 'aight?
I just wish.. that you didn't have to say that you 'fake' it. Which means that I never knew you. That all this while I never saw the real you.. Have I?
I'm just truly sorry that you have to be the strong person that you are so I can be happy.. how selfish can I get?? I'm really sorry for that..
Maybe someday I can really see the real you.. just maybe one day you won't mind to open up everything to us.. But even if the time will never come.. I hope you have someone that you can really open up to. 'Coz I don't see where's the good from keeping everything bottled up.. I hope that somewhere, there is someone you wouldn't mind sharing your life with.. if not with us..
All I wish is for you to be happy...
You do know that, 'aight?

:x
sometimes I wonder where the heck did I learn to write like this.. :D heehee~

Doll-story

huhuu~ I came to this site one day and found this 'story' which made tears filled my eyes.. ekkeke! I know.. I'm a hopeless.. err.. romantic? Cam poyo lak mengaku romantic.. ekekke! So I take that back and replace it with pathetic.. That's it.. I'm a pathetic at things like these.. :p
Read it if you like..

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.

I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so
many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl Jin, do you want to go watch a movie? I asked.

Jin: "I can't"

Me: Why? You need to study at home?
I felt disappointment grabbing me.

Jin: No. I am going to meet a friend.

He was always like that.

He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word "love" only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say "I love you" before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days, 200 days. Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why.

Then one day...

Me: Um, Jin, I...

Jin: What? Don't drag, just say..

Me: I love you.

Jin: you...um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my three words and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many... Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.

But ...lunch passed, dinner passed...and soon the sky was dark he still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin...

Jin: Here...take this...

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What's this?

Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now.
I'm going home now, bye.

Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?

Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.

Then I shouted..."Wait..."

Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...

Jin: What?!

Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.

But he just said simple cold words and left.

"I don't want to say that I love someone so easily, if you are
desperate to hear it, then find someone else."

That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily... How could
he!.

I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me...

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He
didn't call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what
made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street...with another girl... He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...

I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and
tears fell...

Why did he give these to me?? Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls! In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that it's going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking
around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual.

Me: I don't need it.

Jin: What?. Why?

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to
see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other
days, his eyes very shaking.

"I'm sorry..." He apologized in a tiny voice.

He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it
away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then...

Honk~ Honk~

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted....

But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.

"Jin, move!"

HONK~!!

*Boom!* That sound, so terrifying. That's how he went away from me. That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him. And after spending two months like a crazy person I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days- when we were in love..

"One...two... three..."

That was how I started to count the dolls...

"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..."

It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...

"I love you~, I love you~"

I dropped the dolls,shocked.

"I...lo..ve..you??"

I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"

It can"t be!

I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.

"I love you~"

"I love you~"

"I love you~"

Those words came out non-stop.

"I love you~"

Why didn't I realize that???.

That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.

Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...

I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much....

"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you..... Um... since I was too shy.

If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love
you.. everyday...till I die.. Jo... I love you!"

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute For that.. and for that reason... to me..... it became courage... to live a beautiful life...

:( It still makes me sad everytime I read it.. bluerrghh! Y'know.. throwing the doll away could be something that I'd do if I get angry.. So I guess I have the tendency to feel guilty later on in the future lah~! huhuuu~ :p
Conclusion that we get from this story; if you like someone, you really should tell them.. 'coz you'll never know.... 'aight?
*tuk*

:D

sorry if I'm posting too much, but since the break is coming.. I just have this tendency to post more and more 'coz I won't get to online as much as I want.. :p
Just got back from sahur with Prisca and Lily.. heehee.. seemed like we're getting into more 'mature' subjects everytime we strike a conversation.. but all is good! :)
Prisc is getting really okay with Yen's car.. heehee! And Yen's so cool to let her drive as much as she does these days..!
Imagining myself having a large Rhumba.. I don't know.. Just felt like getting myself "high" for not being able to get sleep 'coz of the caffeine! ekkeke!!
But I should get some sleep now.
Photography submission in the morning.. :-S

why do I feel like time is wasted..?

can you take me higher?

I know you can... :D I'm such a trusting person, don't you think? heeheee!
Anyways!! It's a boring night.. waiting for the time to get sahur..
Been spending the night helping Prisc and Lill getting their blogs to work.. kehkehkeh!! Rase cam pandaaaaaaaaii!! wooh~! RP's out with Jai, I think.. :p Jeles btol orang kuar malam-malam nihh!!
Ehh.. suddenly reminded of a promise someone made to me.. chihh, you liar youuu!! ekekke! :p
Humm.. 30 mins left before going out with Prisc and Lill...
what shuold I do.. what should I do.....
O well! Let's do the names stuff as seen on Kaoru's and An's!! ekekke!

Matrix - Cleo (like the magazine.. wuwuuu)
Elvish - Finduilas Lúinwë (berbelit lidah!)
Hobbit - Sweetpea Tighfield of Tookbank (heehee~ loving it!)
Clueless - Betty Halle Madden (wahh!! could I be related to the Madden brothers??? :x)
Smurf - Igneous Smurf (hmm?)
DJ - DJ Clumsy Thunder (ekkeke! imagined myself tumbilng over a turn-table!)
Superhero - Archangel (heehee~ I used to like him.. :D)
Afghan terrorist - Abdalla The Kenyan (wahhahaha!!!!)
Jamaican name - Wolde C (err.. no womaan no cryy..?)

alamaaak! 3 o'clock!!

tak mandi laie niee...

hahhhaa~!!
Just spent the night doing multimedia-stuff!
Picked some shots for the pictures page.. (updated!!) and helped Prisca set up her blog layout! ekkeke! Sorry dear, since you don't want to learn by yourself.. you just have to settle for simplicity.. ekkeke! :p
O yeah.. found this pic while sorting out my pictures collection!!
ENJOY! ekkekeke!!

Let's get high!!! :))

Okay, loving this song for the moment!!! Just heard it from my long list of playlist.. ekekke! I really need to sort it out sometime soon.. :D Sangat suka Vertical Horizon~! :x

Won't Go Away by Vertical Horizon

Heal me baby, baby
Won't you
I go crazy, crazy
For you
Won't you tell me, tell me
What to do
I go crazy, crazy
For you

Cause the way you look at me
I can say you set me free
And no matter what you say
I won't go away
I won't go away

I see your world, the world is you
I see baby, baby blue
Everyday is a day to get through
Till I see baby, baby blue

And the way you look at me
I can say you set me free
And no matter what you say
I won't go away
I won't go away

And it takes
Such a long time to get through this
Such a long time to find this kiss
And I can't forget it
I'm not ready yet

And I came such a long way
From where you are
Now I'm falling from this star
And I can't forget it
I'm not ready yet

Cause the way you look at me
I can say you set me free
And no matter what you say
I won't go away
I won't go away

Heal me, baby, baby won't you
I go crazy, crazy
For you
Won't you tell me, tell me
Something new
I am crazy, crazy
For you
I am crazy, crazy
For you
I am crazy, crazy
For you

Okay.. how was my day..?
A bit weird, considering what I SHOULD be feeling.. heehee~
Thanks Dar-ling miskol pagi tadi.. heehee~ :x Or my work memang for sure unfinished.. :p
Humm.. sent the typography work in the morning.. Which turn out to be crappy.. huhuu.. diugut that I will fail this subject and the trimester.. hehhe~ There were tears in my eyes right then but COME ON!! What's the point of regretting the thing that you purposedly did, 'aight? Takde gunaa... It's my own decision, and it's my fault.. I am deserving for what ever I may get. heehee! I think I grew up pretty well, lah! I'm taking responsabilities for my actions! woooh~! I'm making myself proud.. (in some funny way..)
Okaay.. thanks to Lily and Prisca for replacing my non-available conscience.. ekkeke! RP lak tadi cam pandaaang je.. ekekke! Not helpful at all! :p I'm sure I've said some things yang boleh membuatkan my dearest friends annoyed. Seemed like I didn't care much about my future, do I? huhuu~ So thanks, you guys.. You've been very helpful throughout this Beta year.. :x We'll see how it'll go in the next trimester, yaa!
Pape hal pon.. I can still take Media Production Process in the next trimester! That's what we've been waiting for all this long, 'aight? :D
O well, been messing around these days.. Agak teruk!
Had breakfast at Selera Putra with the three.. :D Tak sudah sudah kite nie dengan otak otak yee? ekekke!
So there's the photography submission and Malaysian Studies paper left on Thursday. And then I'll be going back home.. to my ever-dearest family~!! :x Dua minggu tak jumpa Nina, Dida and Izzati~ :( Can't wait can't waaaaaaaaaiiitt!!! :x Entah sejak bilaaa la Wanie jadi homey sebegini. :D Papa!! Needing hugs!! :x Entah bila nak jumpa 'sweetheart' yang bole menggantikan hugs Papa.. ekekkee! I'm getting hopelessly hopeful again.. :p
So what's been on my mind? Just been asking myself.. "Why can't I just have crushes on those typical good-looking guys like Bahijah does?" huhuu~ Won't that be easier to forget? I really should learn to let go 'coz this crush of mine is pulling me in deeper and it keeps getting me wandering in dreams.. :p Buncit btol~!

Asking again if I'll ever get tired of this.. :x I hope not! :D

errr...

feeling MIGHTY HOLLOW inside.. should be feeling something else, though.. oh heck! I'll tell later when I'm less shaky, okie~!

getting to the point where I need ya'~

I simply don't know..

if I'm the silly one or you're sillier than me. All that I know, I'm hurt this night.. somehow..
Wish that somehow you'd understand how it hurts inside without me telling you.. someday...

Been listening to Westlife loads these days! ehhee~ For your info, that line up there; can't lose what you never had, that's really a song by Westlife! heehee~ Been liking that song since I first heard it when I was in Form 3! :D But I still haven't post the lyrics of that song out in here, 'aight? :D

If Your Heart's Not In It by Westlife

I'm missing you
Girl even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
It's the last thing that I wanna hear

But if your heart's not in it, for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got something to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
Girl I'll make it easy for you

If your hearts not in it, for real
Please dont try to fake what you don't feel
If the loves already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your hearts not in it

How I wish I could take us back in time
But it's gone too far now we can't rewind
There's nothing I can do
To stop from losing you
I can't make you change your mind
If your heart's not in it

If your hearts not in it, for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If the loves already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away

If your hearts not in it
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If the loves already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your hearts not in it

Okehh, this is my favorite super-small talk for the time being:

wanie (11:10:21 PM): azarul~! get well soooon!
wanie (11:10:24 PM): ok itu je.. :D
wanie (11:10:25 PM): byebye
azarul (11:10:43 PM): hihihi
azarul (11:10:43 PM): tenkiuuuu
azarul (11:10:45 PM): :D
azarul (11:10:53 PM): i will!!
wanie (11:10:57 PM): yeaaaaay!
wanie (11:11:02 PM): pastu kene main gita balek, okie!
wanie (11:11:03 PM): :x
azarul (11:11:12 PM): haffunn wif subm tomoro yaa
wanie (11:11:20 PM): heehee.. okie :p

Macam senang hati tengok Azarul online.. :x

ekk !!!

huwaaaaaa!!
Bahijaaaah~! Sorry!!
Tadi Wanie memula nak bising main-main je.. Sekali cam sangat serius pulak.. Sori BJ! Wanie tak marah langsung.. sorry sorry! Teruknye Wanie nieee.. menda kecik pon nak kecoh! huhuu!
Tak sengaja langsung nak cakap segarang.. sekuat.. se-harsh tadik.. wuwuuu~ sowee~ ;;)
Macam kelaka sikit.. sampai camtu Wanie.. tapi I really didn't mean it! ekkee! okehh? :x

ps: cemane Wanie leh geram/menyampah/sakit ati ngan Bahijah pon.. you're still one of the best!! No doubt!! ekekke! Sayang BJ.. always and always.. :x

message for no one

I hope you're not talking about me.
It's getting me annoyed silently, even when you don't say anything to me.
It's not fair.. everything that you did to me was never fair.. And I get so tired with you. Mentally and emotionally.. You really tire me out, even up til now.
So please don't try to fake what you don't feel.. What you've never felt for me.. Stop all those nonsense 'coz I'm just tired thinking about you! Wondering if you'll ever screw my life..
Everyone has a past, and so happens that ours was not a pleasant one.
Give it up already..
Just as I have already done..
Thank you for everything that you did for me.. but please let me go.. walk away...

I've let us go..

bijak-pandai

yeaaaaaaay~!
Went through the Operating System's paper. Was it hard? ekekke! Actually I felt VERY lucky this morning! 'Coz there were 4 questions and we need to answer 3 of it. So I answered the objectives (which was so fun to guess! ekekke!), the one with the Unix Shell.. (Bahijah mentioned something of it last night! hahha!) and the one with the word Kernel in it (which I read myself to sleep to! ekekke!!) Guess I'm just plain charmed.. :D I always have the right people that I need at the weirdest times. ekkeke!
Well, don't know if I answered them all correctly, but at least.. I only skipped ONE sub-question! ekkeke! Wahhh!! I'm so proud of myself! Papa, you should too~! ekkekeke! (Papa would be nagging at me if he saw how I was last night.. ekkee!) Ehh, everyone should be proud of me! ekeke! :x
Settled our (Asha, Ana, Bahijah and myself) photography right after the exam. Now we only have to focus on the typography~! weeeeeeee!! (now, let's try to focus on how to focus.. ekekke!)
Azarul, get well soon~!!
don't let the guitars collect dusts for long!!
Ina and Amri too~!! Get well get well get well!!!

Just been thinking.. maybe it'll be okay if I'll never move from this confusion. Not knowing how you feel keeps me going somehow and it makes me anticipating for tomorrow. Not knowing keeps me in this circle of wonderings but I never want to lose this feeling. Not this one.. 'coz I want us going always.. and always! heehee! :x What ever happens, I never want to lose this.. even if it's never mine to lose. :)

Stranded by Plumb

You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark,
Alone waiting there for me
To come back
I'm too afraid to show

If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
Crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
And I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
And I don't wanna be
Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded

I can only take so much
These tears are turning me to rust
I know you're waiting there for me
To come back
I'm too afraid to show

If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
Crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
And I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
And I don't wanna be
Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded

I miss you, I need you
Without you I'm stranded
I love you so come back
I'm not afraid to show

If it's coming over you
Like It's coming over me
Crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
And I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
And I don't wanna be
Stranded

always and always..

bosan betul. . .

Found this link from Bahijah's blog..

Ida Hazwanie Mohd Idris was a Sensitive Poet in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

I am SO tired of seeing myself surrounded by sensitivity..
Paling geram.. I only got the results just by entering my name. sheesh~!
so crappy! even if it's just a quiz.. pelik la jugek kan, tengok sikit sikit word itu yg keluar..
bluergthhh~!

woke up at 3 and have been spending the day talking to myself...
and Bahijah said thinking too much is actually a disease...

Goodbye Again by Vertical Horizon

I'm on the outside looking in
What do I see
so much of this left to begin
Where would I be
I'm on the outside looking in
Cover me through this night

I guess I don't know what's left to say
Hear me out
All of the dreams of yesterday
keep breaking me down
What's on the outside
can you say?
Am I getting carried away

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
for one last try
So it's goodbye again

Goodbye again...

I'm getting on
what's the use?
You know how I get
I can't decide which is the truth
at least not yet
I got the feeling that it's you
what can be said alone in this room?
And now...

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
for one last try
So it's goodbye again

Who wants you now?
Maybe somebody else
I'll wait around
Maybe you'll forget
you were never here
Maybe forget
you were never, never, here...

I'm on the outside looking down
What do I see?
So much of this cold in the ground
Where would I be?
I'm on the outside looking down
Cover me before you go...

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
for one last try
So it's goodbye again

You're falling out
I'm falling in
so it's goodbye again

It's way past time
for one last try
so it's goodbye....

I feel horrible...

bluerghhh~
feeling MIGHTY horrible somehow. Can't really explain. It's just a feeling I have inside. :(
Updated the layout.. I know it's kinda crappy.. the picture's horrible and the color kinda stink! But heck! I never played with this one before so bear with this 'til I get bored by it. Messy, I know.. an hour's worth of work.. dasar pemalaaas!!
O well.. should get some rest now.. It's starting to rain outside.. and it's just perfect. Reflecting my very feeling this morning..
I really don't know how we got this way, but this is just absurd!! :(

oh! did this quiz:
Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The
Pure.

"I've been waiting in the dark for a long
time, shining my beacon of hope through the
shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your
eyes from me."

The White Rose is associated with purity, honor,
and chastity. It is governed by the goddess
Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape.

As a White Rose, you are a person of your word.
You may have a strong moral code, but
regardless of your virtue, you always stay true
to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of
emotional forms and it's just a matter of
waiting for it to bless you. Some people may
say you are too idealistic, but it's only
because you don't want to mess things up.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

Girl roxXs!!!

at least my friend does~! weeeeeee~!!
Spent the whole day outside..
The day started kinda.. umm.. crappy. Wanted to get shower, but there was no water in hostel. Crappy management! So Asha picked me and Bahijah up so we could get our shower at her place. :x
Okay, the plan was; Jai (Ana's bf) supposed to drive us to KL so we can get our films developed (coz no one else was willing to help! bluerghh~!). But something came up, and he couldn't do it. And so.. us four; Asha, Bahijah, Ana and myself.. decided, "heck! let's just gamble our lucks!" And we ourselves went there all by ourselves by Dzayed's car! (details couldn't be elaborated.. hehheh!) wooaahohhh Asha~!!
Went out at 10:30 am, and we just got back.. 9:20 pm. huuu~ such a tiring dayy!!
So we got our films developed.. Managed to had breakfast with the gurls.. (err, what time was it then? 1:45 pm? hahahha! Asha... Asha.. :)) ) The real breakfast was at Mid-Valley's Mc'D.. (wooaahohhh Ana~!) Printed our slide.. And I managed to grab a Large Rhumba Frappucino from Starbucks :x while Bahijah had a Small Sunrise from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. ekekke! (I reaaaally enjoy coffee ice-blends!)
Today is such an amazing day...
Asha, you're amazing!!!!
tired tired tired~!! Should get some rest. I think I'm getting high somehow. ekekke! :D

Heyy you! :p
I Could Be The One by Donna Lewis

I could be your sea of sand
I could be your warmth of desire
I could be your prayer of hope
I could be your gift of everyday

I could be your tide of heaven
I could be a hint of what's to come
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be your blue eyed angel
I could be the storm before the calm
I could be your secret pleasure
I could be your well wishing well
I could be your breath of life
I could be your European dream
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I would lie here in the darkness
I would lie here for all time
I would lie here watching over you
Comfort you
Sing to you

I could be your worry partner
I could be your socialite
I could be your green eyed monster
I could be your force of light
I could be your temple garden
I could be your tender hearted child
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I would lie here in the darkness
I would lie here for all time
I would lie here watching over you
Comfort you
Sing to you

Will I ever change the journey
Will the hushed tones disappear
Oh little Rita
Let me hold you
Oh little Rita
Let me love you

I could be your leafy island
I could be your thunder in the clouds
I could be your dark enclosure
I could be your romantic soul
I could be your small beginning
I could be your soothing universe
I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be ordinary
I could be the one

I could be ordinary
I could be the one

amazed amazed amazzzeddd~!!

how 'serious' I can be

vavi
humm.. see it how you'd like to see it.
could I accidentally misspelled the word "viva".. or could I have purposedly misspelled a certain curse word in the Malay language? humm.. let's think it together...

sometimes I just feel you so, but sometimes I am just numb.. that's how serious I am about all these. sometimes I see this as a total waste of time. but it's my time to waste, and I happen to have so much time in my hands these days. kinda crappy sometimes. but somehow I just can't help it.

"ignore me.." this goes to whomever that think it means any meaning to them. you can really annoy me sometimes. can't believe how I can get mad at you at times. you can be such a crappy crappy friend, you know that?? trusting you can be my worst mistake. putting any hope on you can be such a big mistake when now I see that you're not at all dependable. but yet again, it's myself to blame.. why should I depend on anyone?? my mistake.. as always. it has always been my mistake.

I am having my period, I don't have time to THINK of what I should or should not say. I am 'surprisingly' more blunt at these times. and I will not beg for your pardon for saying this 'coz this is who I am.. and if you think I'm too much, don't bear me! I can't bear you as well..
so! which vavi do you think I mentioned earlier?

it's a wonder how I don't even feel the slightest guilt...

Sweetpea Tighfield of Tookbank

heehee.. I'm fine now.. :D
Okay, some of my friends went to this site. heehee~ I think I did it before.. and I did! :D The site has been there for a long time, really. And I think I did the name stuff around the first movie's installment. heehee~ Used to even type out all my close friends' name. heehee.. (excited) Name saye sangat cute~ :x ekekke!
In a liking of this conversation I had last night with Ablen.. Though I'm not really sure if we're really talking about the same things here.. ekkeke! Ignore this if you think it's too long to read.. :D

ablen (2:03:55 AM): 'somethin' better than this'... pretty interestin'
ablen (2:04:49 AM): do u want to just keep waiting ??? kalau btol la ader kaitan ngan real life
wanie (2:05:20 AM): maybe...
wanie (2:05:22 AM): sebab
wanie (2:05:55 AM): settling for what i have right now won't make me content for long
ablen (2:08:10 AM): so u just want to keep waiting.. n waiting.. ??
wanie (2:08:43 AM): i'll wait until i get bored of it
wanie (2:09:06 AM): sebab tak taaau
wanie (2:09:17 AM): ntah2 tunggu laie sket je dapat ape yg lebih baik tu
ablen (2:09:42 AM): y don't u make a move to make it quick a lil'..
wanie (2:10:20 AM): move like how?
wanie (2:11:11 AM): maybe somethings are better left alone
wanie (2:11:17 AM): maybe ajelahh
wanie (2:11:18 AM): heehee
ablen (2:11:26 AM): half of it
ablen (2:11:39 AM): is true~
ablen (2:11:41 AM): hehe
wanie (2:11:52 AM): heehee
wanie (2:12:10 AM): lagipun, waiting shows how much i wanted it
wanie (2:12:32 AM): kalo saje2 je.. waiting mmg buang mase
ablen (2:12:40 AM): macamana kalau tunggu2 pon takder jugak ??
wanie (2:12:46 AM): then it's fate lah
wanie (2:12:53 AM): cemane ekk
wanie (2:13:01 AM): pikir ayat jap
ablen (2:13:04 AM): hehe
wanie (2:13:27 AM): saye taknak move sbb saye sendri tak btol2 pasti mmg itu yg saye nak
wanie (2:13:32 AM): so saye tunggu ajelah
wanie (2:13:48 AM): sementara tunggu.. pikir2 jugek
wanie (2:13:52 AM): tak buang mase
ablen (2:14:00 AM): i like that~.. hehe
ablen (2:14:23 AM): so.. if u 100% sure that u want it.. u will make move ??
wanie (2:14:48 AM): umm.. maybe move sikit lah kot
wanie (2:14:53 AM): lebih ade effort
wanie (2:15:00 AM): cam now let things be aje
ablen (2:15:33 AM): hmm hmm
wanie (2:15:47 AM): heehee
ablen (2:16:31 AM): wanie mmg btol2 pandai susun ayat ye~
wanie (2:16:58 AM): :"> domo arigatou~


-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to stay that way. You're sweet and very emotionally charged. You definitely love the person you're with, and always want to know how they're feeling so you can make sure they're happy.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
ekekke! kinda interesting for the fact that Ablen said these last night.. :p

ablen (3:05:23 AM): manje tol
ablen (3:05:41 AM): mmg manje
ablen (3:05:42 AM): hoho~ :D
wanie (3:05:44 AM): :p
ablen (3:06:00 AM): hope ur future bf can handle that

hehhe! I hope he can handle me too lah~! :)) ehh.. I keep getting different results of those Quizzillas from my friends lah! Coz all Ana, Asha and Bahijah got -Perfect Girlfriend-.. even Majin (and Dar too!) is a perfect girlfriend for some guy out there! ekekek! O well, I AM imperfect.. :p
Ohh.. sorry girl, for not choosing to go with you. I'm needing a "me" time right here.. :)

...
notice how empty this post really is?

urghh demmit..
why cant i stop crying over some stupid measly thing..!
all i wanted was to be at home.. hug my dad as much as i can.. coz that's what i needed most right now.
so i cant go back due to the stupid rejected assigment.. even if i did, it wouldn't worth the time at all..
so i cant go back.. i just cant.. i shouldnt... so what's the big stupid deal?
why cant i just let it be?
why am i pouring like a leaking tap ???
arrghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sakit nye hatiii... tuhan aje yang tahu..
time macam iniiilah wanie sangat tak tahu ape lagi nak buat..
everyone seemed to be disappearing somehow..
felt like screaming... i am screaming.. inside, though..
this is the worst day of my life!! not being able to do exactly what i want...
stop crying you stupid girl!!!!
felt like cursing.. but it won't help anything, would it? let me try it once...
a$$hole!!!!!
no.. it doesn't stop me from crying, so now it's proven that i shouldn't be cursing...
i hate thissssssss!!!
bahijah and ana are going back anyways!! and i'm still here sebab.. entahlaa! baik sangat ke sampai kate takmo balek?? hahahha!! maybe i was just stupid... and still am...
huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! stop crying laaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
felt like i'm crying because of the fact that i can't stop crying....
benci laaa... benci sangat..... benci benci benci.......
"i dont wanna be lonely, i just wanna be alone.."
but alone is what i am....

where is my shoulder to cry on ?

sorry if I might sound pathetic but I'm feeling MIGHTY low right here..
Someone tell me that there's something more than Che Mat and these stupid assignments!

More To Life by Stacie Oricco

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more

Than waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

Torn yet again..
My priorities keep jumbling up.
Felt like really crying my eyes out.. running to someone who'd think that I matter to them.. Someone that I wouldn't mind showing how low I can be at times. Someone to comfort me at times like this.. everytime..
*tuk tuk*
I don't have anyone like that.. everything is just in your dreams, Wanie.. there were never anyone you can really run to..
At times like this.. all I can do is wish. Wish that for one moment.. there'd be someone. But not just anyone.. a someone..
And there's this voice keeps telling me... you can't have that person just by wishing, Wanie..! So it is.. but what else is there to do??
I am pathetic.. yess..
Feels like I should leave... just leave everything... but that is not the answer.
Felt like I should jump off into a big black hole... that is not the answer as well..
So tell me now.. where's my shoulder to cry on?
(yes, I have great friends.. truly good friends.. but I'm not expecting them to be right here, right now.. You must've misunderstood me in some way, dear. I'd totally call up for you if I wanted you to be right here, but I didn't.. 'coz you're in the same situation as I do.. I didn't expect you or the other two to be my shoulder to cry on.. I hope you don't think of me as one silly git whose a selfish brat.. 'coz I don't think I am.. 'coz I know all of us needed the time..)
Crying is a sign of weakness.. so I am weak.. what's the point of trying to be strong, anyways!

...
Horrible day..
[ edited on 2:14 pm of November 14th 2003 ]