"breaking up is like 'shitting'."

ekkekeke.
me and lily were discussing things during our media philosophy tutorial. we couldn't understand the tutor over her grammatically-incorrect and the weirdly-pronounced english, so we entertained ourselves with our very own philosophical ideas at the back of the hall. :D

i've submitted my cad assignment though it is due tomorrow, which makes me proud somehow. ekekkeke! i can't believe i can actually finish a work one day before i'm supposed to turn it in! heehee! awesome! :) but of course.. i stayed up until 4am, which is why my eyes are having a hard time focusing right now. :-S but the good news is (for me lah kaan) i have nothing to worry over another long weekend!! except probably how to work the cad so i can get my things printed later.. :-S

i have to say i am liking media philosophy. but it scares me a bit. i guess i shouldn't have much problem with "thinking" what life is to me.. but having to explain it should be hard.. :(

going back home today! weeeee~! three cheers for hugs!
hip hip hoorayy! hip hip hoorayy! hip hip hoorayy!
ekkeke.
i wonder what work i can bring back home. papa thinks i'm not doing enough work in school, so i better show him something! :D

okay well. should clear up some stuff around here. i won't get rewarded by my tardiness.

How To Be Dead by Snow Patrol

Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened and you never will
If you don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours til i'm sure what I want
But darlin' I want the same thing as I wanted before
So sweetie tell me what's up, I won't stop. No way.

Please keep your hands down and stop raising your voice
It's hardly what i'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion, can you give me some time?
So just say yes or no, why can't you shoulder the blame?
Cos' both my shoulders are heavy from the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said. Oh my God.

Please take it easy, it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes that you've listed so far
Baby let me explain something, it's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking them and not a lot else
It seems i've stepped over lines you've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definately out
Doctor Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

i talk a lot of crap!

heehee. i kinda hate myself for that.

for someone who claims that she doesn't care.. i really talk a lot!
lame-o!

i guess in a way, that 'little' green-eyed monster just surfaced in me. i always thought i was fine.. but i guess i just proved myself that i am not completely fine.. *sigh*
just another thing i hate: when the fact just slapped me in the face.
*sigh*

gosh!! please go awayy! lame thoughts, just go awayy!! stupid philosophy class made me THINK! (the class is not at all stupid, by the way. as a matter of fact, i can actually point here that i'm glad to take such subject..) but i hate the thing that's in my mind right now.. huhuuu!

*sigh* i lose!
i lose i lose i lose!!
i lost to my own thoughts. no one has to do anything to get me down 'coz i am doing a perfect job toppling over myself.
just "great"!


missing. that's what i am.

there are 4 places i'd like to visit before i die;
1. paris
2. rome
3. ireland
4. japan... where i can find kakcik and force her to show me around! hehhehe! :)

i wanna fall asleep.

i am so tired and bored of tossing and turning in my bed.
was sooo sleepy since 1 o'clock but my eyes just won't shut!
bluergthhhh!!!

anyways, so this is one of my current favorite songs.
first heard it on a rather interesting episode of one tree hill

i am dedicating this song to the big void out there.. :)

Don't Confess by Tegan And Sara

Don't think I'll confess
Why would I confess, that I
Don't think I'll deny
Why would I deny, that I
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse

Yeah you, send a little smile my way
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse
Yeah you, send a little love my way
And every second I spend waiting
Drive me closer to this grave
I'm not alone, no I'm just on my own
And I, it's a little cold outside

Don't think I'll escape
Why would I escape you
And don't think I'll replace
How could I replace you
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse

Yeah you, send a little smile my way
And don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse
Yeah you send a little love my way
And every second I spend waiting
Drive me closer to this grave
I'm not alone, no I'm just on my own
And I, it's a little cold outside

And so don't be so hard on yourself
You won't get better till you'll get worse
oh, send your love my way

going to try to get the much needed sleep again, now.

Pain

by Jimmy Eat World

I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.

Anyone can make what I have built.
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
I can't let it bother me.

I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Every time I quit

Anyone can see my every flaw.
It isn't hard.
Anyone can say they're above this all.
It takes my pain away.

It's a lie. A kiss with opened eyes.
And she's not breathing back.
Anything but bother me.
(It takes my pain away)
Never mind these are horrid times.
I can't let it bother me.

will i stay the same?

thinking too much of nothing lately. :)

had a dream last night after a while of dreamless nights.
and i hate it.
i hate the fact that my dreams were so vivid that at some points i really believed i was in reality.
and i hate the fact that i get too emotionally attached even in my dreams.

i am even hurt inside the dream.
i am even confused in my dream.
i am even wishing for the same things in my dreams!!!!
God!!! why do i have to mess up even in dreams?!

going to get my shower now.
supposed to have lunch with papa. :)
good thing, too. need the hug!!

bengong!!

ekkekekeke!!
ntahpapentahhh!!! :P

okay.. this has been such a tiring day!!! i was in class from 2 to 3, then had a drink in hb3 and get back to class from 4 to 7:15!!!!!!!!!
CRAZY!!!
and autocad is not an easy application!!! urghhhh!!!
ohh.. good things i had company for the walk back to cyberia. :) tak baik kan anak dara jalan sensorang time maghrib! heehee!

and then this bengong person called me up just to say that "aaaaaa" from that japanese film ju on! bengong!!!
ekekkeke!!

okay.. going for shower.. and rest probably..
man, i'm hungry.. :(

it's just a damn book..

..you fartface!

had a pretty quiet long weekend. lots of reading, lots of reminiscing, lots of writing, lots of thinking and loaaads of cursing! ekkekekeke!

not my fault that i quarrelled with dida right on thursday. (she's really a jerkkk!!!!) and i only see papa being amused with us, 'cause there's this time when we were in a mall and papa asked what dida was looking for and i said, "i don't care!" and he simply laughed. huhuuu. helpful!
and dida totally forgot about survivor and i didn't remind her since I DON'T CARE and we weren't talking anyways. and when it was too late for her to remember, i can only hear myself laughing in my head.. AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! padan muka kau! nak sangat pegi PS! :P
but by late saturday we did start to talk again.. ekkeke!! just because izzati came along and we bickered on who wants to play with her first! heehee!! :x

blablablaaa...

and i finished angels and demons!!! hoyehhhh!! it's a really REALLY good read!! and i'm cheering papa to read that next since he's already finish with da vinci code. heehee!!
and last night me dida and papa discussed about the masons, us dollar, illuminati and da vinci, which as usual.. will bring me and dida start a new quarrel! hahhahaha!! haihhh~ hopeless!

so now i'm back here in cyberia.. the very place i don't really... bluerghhh!! you don't want to know.. nor should i say it. :) (not that i care!!! hahahahha!!)
but hummm.. some things ARE better left unsaid. :)

i want a getawayy!!

the truth is i lied.

i wish i'd have all the time in the world so i can just think of the things that i really want to say.
but even if i have,
can i really say them?

or will there be you who would listen?

i am reaching for uncertainty.
and confusion seemed beautiful somehow.

sigh~

boredom.
this is tiring.

a bit sleepy so i'll be leaving for bed in a bit - probably.
haaiihhh~ i am relieved that it's thursday! woo-hoo~!! i guess i am turning more homey than ever these days. maybe 'coz i just love being able to talk to dida about things. (yeah.. walaupon dia mangade dan menyampahkan most of the time!)
just hope that the things i downloaded for her will be done by the time papa gets here to pick me up. :D

i finally watch arep's ju off!! ekkekeke!! ntah pape ntah. tak tahan!! but amazingly, i was surprised/shocked at this one part! ekkeke!! buat malu btol! but it was an okay watch.. considering the ones that worked on it was really architecture students. (and not multimedia, i mean) thanks areppp for the cd!!
archirulez! :P

okay. nothing much to say except... i miss izzati!!!

Take It All Away by Ryan Cabrera

So much beauty in life
Shining on the outside
Empty on the inside
I get lost sometimes
Blinded by the flashing lights
Distractions always in my eyes

So i'm following the sound, the sound of my heart
Beating

You can take it all away
I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same

Are you hiding still?
Don't you want to love yourself?
Don't you know that someone will?
Time can turn it around
Leave it all that's dribbled down
That's the only way to find it out

Are you following the sound, the sound of your heart?
Beating

You can take it all away
I don't need it
Underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all away

Coming in with nothing, leaving with the same
It's all inside
Coming in with nothing, the only thing that saves
Is here inside

You can take it all away
I don't need it
Cause underneath, i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same

this guy used to be ashley simpson's boyfriend!

i think you're stupid.

really. lame. really really lame.
bluergthhh!!

was REALLY sleepy during class. and though today and yesterday's class were only the introduction class.. i was really swept with a feeling of intimidation. darn it!!
i really feel like i can't cope with anything somehow.
i'm.. afraid probably.

then, as i was walking back from class to cyberia - carrying my SUPER HEAVY portfolio bag.. the handle snapped off! grrr!! good thing it wasn't broken or anything. just that my things were just too heavy to carry, :(

let's change the subject shall we?
to some happier note.
zahid suka kaler oraangee!
ekkekeke!! and i forgot to mention yesterday that the ID studio doors were painted ORANGE!! hahhahaha!! and next door were painted red!! hahahha! awesome!! :x

I'm No Superman by Lazlo Bane

Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again

Well
I know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall
And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well
I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all?
I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday
Someday we'll be together

love this song from Scrubs!

and i thought you looked familiar.

heyya!
surprising day today..
spent about 4 hours out with lily doing almost nothing. :D
i was bored, and she can't study here at home, so she suggested we go to alamanda's STARBUCKS.

lily studied for her paper there, as i bought a new book, from dan brown; angels and demons. (i've read his da vinci code and thought it was REALLY good!!) for all i know, he could be a replacement as i wait for rowling's new harry potter! ekkeke! :)

and what's neat, we practically made new friends over there! ekekke! the people in starbucks asked us if we want to join their "coffee tasting session". hehhe! so we get to taste some african coffee with some cheese cake and this bun for FREE!! ekekkee!! :x and we were taught the RIGHT way to drink coffee!!! hahahhaha!! awesome!!

really.

that was flattering.. BUT

.. tak baik menipu taaauuu! :P

anyways. the day yesterday turned out okay.
maybe 'cause i got back home! ahhahaha!! i first said to dida that i'll go back on my own but then i said, "tak jadilah".. and waited for her and papa to pick me up at 8 something. :D
then, we spent the whole journey deciding what to have for dinner.. and finally concluded on pizza 'cause dida told me she 'teringin' to have pizza few days back. hehhe. it was a nice dinner laa. just the three of us, (mama is in melaka for work-related course) the last people in the restaurant, laughing to some silliness and stupid jokes. :D
and what's best about home is how i can get to sleep when i really want to :) and good night sleep at that. haiihh~
ohh! and papa's phone is back with him.. :D heehee

so anyways! papa sent me back here for my class at 2. :( i'm still in the mood for holiday so the class for screen and display interface was not as interesting as it should've been.

okay. i'm stopping.

sorry sorry sorry

demmit.

if you only knew.
if they only knew.

if only i knew what i really really want.

but you don't.
neither do they.

nor i.

crap!

bencinye..

so happens, that i accidentally took papa's handphone.
must be that time when he stubbornly decided to leave the phone in the car when we were going into some shop, so i put it inside my bag for safe-keeping.

but now no one can talk with papa for the rest of the week probably. :(
not me.. not nina.. not dida.. not mama. :(
this suxx!!!
going back to school suxx already!

something you shouldn't have said.

hey heyy!! finally back from the "short" school break.
awesome awesome school break!! such a pity that it had to end so soon. honestly! wish it wouldn't end. not as soon, at least!

had quite a good time at home.
i opt a new hobby of SHOPPING!! ahhahahah!! i know.. it's baad.. but it's sinfully good!! ekkekeke!
thanks dida for getting me around!

and i love izzati more and more coz she's super duper FUN! and what's amazing is, she touched everyone's nerve by being soooo naughty (despite she's not even a year old!) but being soooo smart and simply adorable!!! aiyahhhh!! and what's more amazing, when i held out my arm to her, she'd held out her's (means that she actually WANTS me!! hahahha!!) i am not exactly a good baby-sitter and yet she doesn't mind me at all.. haiyaaah~ sangat sukaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! hontoni!!
can't wait to see nina's 2nd baby! i wonder what he/she will be like! heehee!

and i got to see most of my best friends during the break!! hanis came back.. and we actually get to see that 5 times i told her to promise.. hung out with dayat and crashed a supposedly-family only-occasion with musz! ekkeke! awesome! and i even get to see arep for one tiny minute! ekkeke! i wish i could've poke his eyes for the look he gave me! :P but one thing though.. i didn't get to send off rai to german, which got me kebingungan sepanjang ari. :( hummphh!! rindu sama kamu fiance!! (not really.. but i wish i had send you off)

during the break.. i managed to read 10 story books! ekkeke!! 5 of them were new, the rest were just some books i love to re-read and probably memorize! ekekeke! one of the book was frederick forsyth's new release, the avenger. i actually bought that one for papa, but he made me read it. not my cup of tea, la papaa! :P

oh ohh!! i managed to gain 1 kilo!! ahhahahaha!! but i'm afraid i am going to lose them pretty soon since i'm back here in cyberia :( sedihhnye!

o well! i am sleepy already but somehow.. sleepless! (i usually go to bed around 2 during the break!) and supposedly i have a class at 11, 2 and 4 later today!!! haiyahhh! cemane bole ade 3 kelas on monday alone??? :(

okay! better get to bed now.. while i am feeling weirdly normal and untainted.

I Say A Little Prayer by Diana King

The moment I wake up, before I put on my make up
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair now
And wonderin' what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you forever and ever
We never will part and I will love you
Together, together that's how it must be
To live without you could only mean heartbreak for me

I run for the bus dear, while riding I think of us, dear
And say a little prayer for you
At work I just take time, and all through my coffee break time
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you forever and ever
We never will part and I will love you
Together, together that's how it must be
To live without you could only mean heartbreak for me

Darlin' believe me, for me there is no one but you
Say you love me too
'Cause I'm in love with you
Answer my prayer now
Say you love me too
Just answer my prayer now
Say you love me too

Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you forever and ever
We never will part and I will love you
Together, together that's how it must be
To live without you could only mean heartbreak for me

by the way, this is the 1000th post for the blog!!

a verrrry gud morning!!

just spent the whole night with two of my guy buddies. (buddies??)

we went out around 8 to IOI. played one and a half game of pool to kill some time before our movie starts at 9:45pm.
we went to catch collateral which i think was pretty okay to watch. heehee. (i wish i am better at being a movie-critic, but maybe i need a little more practise..) :P i'd say the ending was a bit predictable, but the storyline was interesting. :D go see it for yourself lah! :P
then we had our late dinner in F1. ehee~ it was my first time eating there and i find the menu rather amusing! somehow they knew what those F1 racers love to eat. (there were notes inside a bracket at the side of the names of some dishes saying like; "montoya's favorite" or "ralf's favorite") heehee!

and then it was 1am.. which to me was a 'bit' too early to come back cyberia. :P so we went to putrajaya to find that new shopping mall alamanda! :D well, it was a bit out of my expectations. i guess it was large, but i was hoping that it'd be a lil' bit.. taller! huhuu~
okay. that sight-seeing took us less than 40 minutes i suppose, and i don't know who came out with it, but someone said KLIA and me, being an enthusiast at "everything that includes not going back too early" agrees excitedly! ekekke! kasihan si ablen had to drive us around! ekkekeke!! (taklaa kesian sangat! ekkekeke!! :P)

spent more than an hour there, goofing about with dar. the image of the trolley and snoring guy keeps entertaining me now. :P but ablen kept walking in a distance. why aahh?? malu ekk? :P
so anyways.. got back in cyberia around 4:30am 'coz ablen got us all lost until kajang! ekkeke. :P

okay.. should get rest now. but probably i should settle out my things 'coz i'm going home today! :D :D so last night was an awesome "last day" outing guys!!! :x i've even showered for today! ekkekke!
all the talking is making me hoarse. :P

okay.. so, MMU people,
happy holidaysss!!!
enjoyy, yah? :)

so with this, i am leaving you with this quote from W. M. Lewis.. until the next time i'll update the blog.. who knows when! :D
"the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.."

awel le dondenng~!!

barai: oik
barai: dah cuti la weh
barai: pepandai la balik shah alam and belanja aku

barai: dtg la shah alam
barai: jumpa aku ngan dier (referring to syafiq)
barai: wish kat dier (his birthday today!)
barai: tp blanje aku sorang

ekkekekeke! :P

can't wait for bath time.
went to tesco with the gurls and bought myself Johnson's Baby shower foam - bedtime bath!! wahhahahahhahahaaa!!
i'll sleep away right after this.

sleepy! ..but there's a house meeting sometime, i don't know.. later!

jigs.. heavily..happily.. crazilyy!!

wahhahahhahahahaha!!!

never felt this relieved in my entire life!!
though i know i did crappily for my digital audio and video, but heck!!
i'm done at something at least!! wo~hooooo!!!

joli joli mariiiiii!

plans for holiday (at the moment)
1. shop with personal fashion consultant (dida!!)
2. treat family lavish food! wahhahahha!!
3. sleep sleeeeeep!
4. gain weight
5. treat barai something :P ('coz he made me promise)
6. find ways to catch up with old friends

tak sabanyeee esok or ahaaaad!!

wahh.. izrul just add me to his ym! ekkekeke!
ohh alamaaakk!! i remembered this while i was writing today's date on the answer book.. but almost forgot about it just now. :D
Happy Birthday Syafiqqqqq~!!!!!
i wonder if he's still hanging around barai's place. :P

okay.. ngantuk.. but i think i better make myself some food first. :D

"desire is half of life, indifference is half of death"

-Kahlil Gibran

loving all the quotes i've found these days!!

weird.
'coz i am laughing to what i shouldn't be laughing at,
and i take jokes seriously.
heeheee.
funny la people.

anyways, i was pretending to study as i was taking some "notes" from fariz a while ago! ekkekekeke!!
tengkiu cekguuuu!!!
ekekekkekek!!!
i can't believe that i was studying a different subject when i should be reading about post-productions and such! ekekkekeke!!

shahnon shahnonnnnn!!!!
thank you for the amazing song!! this dygta guy sangat besttt!!!
loving this song!!! sangat sedih, but then again.. i've always liked sad songs!!
sukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

okay.. bace sket sambil repeat lagu, mari!

i feel like an overworked pig.

oink~!

i am.. sooooooo tired and idiotic in the same time.
but i also want to go out and have some fun!! (if that's possible!) wahhahahhaha!!
yesterday wasn't enough for the rest of today lahh.. haihhh~ (i really should stop sighing too much)
hello?! esok mpd! helloooo??!

okay.. today..
walked to FOE for my human factors paper which WASN'T easy!!! (in the not-so-baking sun, thank God!) but still, die lah! (for the paper) the 2 hours time was not enough for me, sadly. :(
so when the rest of us were released, i walked off straight back cyberia, not breaking a single sweat ('coz the exam room was COLD!). went to that grocery shop.. and as i was considering to myself if i should buy that dozen of eggs.. i decided to check how much money do i have left.. only to find in my bag.. - NO WALLET!!!!
mak datuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkk!!
so i actually half-ran back to FOE, bumped firdaus and azrin whom jokingly asked; "nak pegi exam?" ("going for the exam?") i could've laugh right there if i wasn't in a panic mode. huhuuuu. FUNNY. (we were in the same class, in case there's any of you who didn't know)

so i ran up that damned MMU hill and cursed stairs.. to find that the room i was in was dark and empty and LOCKED!! huwaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!
i stood in front of that class for some seconds, bobbing my head up and down trying to see if my wallet was still at where i last remember.
then i looked to the rest of the hallway, saw a pakgad (security guard) walking my way..
me: do you have the keys to this room?
pakgad: why?
me: i left my wallet inside!
pakgad: what color is it?
me: light cream (please please say that you have it!)
pakgad: size?
me: pretty small *make hand gestures indicating the size of my wallet*
pakgad: name?
me: ida hazwanie
(pakgad hands me a wallet.. MY WALLET! that small cream colored wallet that i stupidly left on the floor at the side of my freakin' exam table #19!!)
me: wahhhh!! thank goodness!!
(me and the guard originally speak in malay, though!) :D

i am officially VERY darned tired from the running around.
i deserve a six-pack. (the muscles, not alcohol!)