it's been a while.

it's monday and i'm actually typing out an entry. now, i can't even remember when was the last monday i am actually in cyberia. probably that first week of the third trimester.

to be honest, i am already disliking the fact that i'm here but i owe it to myself; that i should get my maya modelling done by tomorrow. four weeks have passed and only last friday did i start on it. heh!

okay. anyways. i'm in quite a foul mood to be a good blogger right now. can't wait to get my modelling done and get on with the chinese new year holiday that starts on 7th. cheer cheer!

humm.. i keep making goodbyes more terrible than it already is..

so much for assignment!

what ever happened to my dream for writing?
since i was younger, i always wanted to write. at first i thought of being a journalist. the thought of going out, getting a story and putting them into words seemed so great. and then i realize how uninterested i am to the daily news. i only read the cartoon section of the papers! i came to accept that i only like to write about what relates to me directly.

later in my standard school i started writing stories. sure, i get a lot of A's for my writing homeworks. but really, what's the satisfaction of talking about your life as a car, or a totally fictional life that only happened in your dreams?
i wrote some short stories and gave it to my bestfriends to read. they thought it was great, but now that i've read them back, all i can think of is "what idiots we were during our childhood.." honestly, i can't even forgive myself for the terrible grammar, bad choices of words and well, REALLY bad storylines.

i tried song writing and poetry in secondary school. i have to say that i like most of the turn outs, but i hate the fact that you can't just conjure up an idea. if you're in a role, you're in a role. if you're not, you're not. and i can't cope with not in a role when i want to.
i still write short stories every once in a while but i keep leaving them halfway. somehow i just lost interest with the whole idea after a chapter. (don't i always?)

so tonight, i was supposed to start on Maya but something else was stuck in my head. And I couldn't let the thought go so I had to start writing again.
How ever did i get to "multimedia" when writing has always been my number one?

anyways, going crazy after seeing this picture. quite a sneak peak for Harry Potter #4!!

little missy and friend.

getting a bit cranky right now. my feet are hurting me. gara gara merayap after finding out class wasn't on. (kalo tau, i would've stayed at home and sleep!!) but well, cik ila pon tak membantu when she said she had no plans for the afternoon!
(you see, when there's no plan.. you'd just have to MAKE ONE! hohhohok!)

so we went to campbell(?) since cik ila wanted to get her metal band cd. hihi. later we went to midvalley and ate "mee yang menyamar jadi laksa". (it's a story not worth talking about) then pusing pusing and entah macam mane, dah belanja rm30! ahhahaha! HORRIBLEHORRIBLE.
later we went to catch phantom of the opera since cik ila wanted to see it so much. good thing that i like the theme song pretty much to tag along! hihi. the movie was 2+hours. kinda tiring on the butt, but it was okay! not quite a surprise that i was able to get emotional by some film that is entirely musical!
i had to laugh at some parts though.. i think it's just funny how one second, the guy talks in proper sentences but the other second he suddenly sang his words in a rather enthusiastic song. (macam faham ke?)
anyways, in my opinion.. if the phantom keeps his mask on his face, i wouldn't mind marrying him! he's quite good looking if you look on his best side. hihi. but he's really psychotic, isn't he?

going back home was kinda funny. i had to contain myself from wetting my pants when i laughed at cik ila's little stunt display in the commuter train. kikkiki.

feeling pretty awful right now actually.
haven't seen mama for a week 'coz she had to go to langkawi for work and she only got back today. what's worse, i pulled off a mood the night before she left and i wanted to say something about it but it feels a bit late for that and now i don't know how to even say anything to her.
and dida will be off to labuan tomorrow morning and it gets me feeling even worse. i really hate it when both of my sisters are away from home. bluerrgh!
and i still have to do that maya modelling!! grr.
and all i want to do right now is get my pillow and just lay about wherever i can.

Masquerade! Paper faces on parade
Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you
Masquerade! Every face a different shade
Masquerade! Look around, there's another mask behind you
Masquerade! Buring glances,turning heads
Masquerade! Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you
Masquerade! Grinnning yellows, Spinning reds
Masquerade! Take your fill, let the spectacle astound you.
(Maquerade; from the Phantom Of The Opera soundtrack)

it's been a month since the 9.0 richter quake that caused the massive tsunami. did you know that there has been studies that actually shows how big a quake can be at certain places and where tsunamis might hit? if you own an atlas, you could probably check it out.

still sick.

i've actually been spending my whole morning writing about snot and sort-of-asthma in my diary. how about that?

anyways, love this song.. only felt like putting it down today. hihi.

Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Here's the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I picture me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
Guess you never felt that way

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you been gone (since you been gone)
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know) that I get
I get what I want

Since you been gone

you guys made me so proud!!!

hihi.
i was so happy that spider won the 19th juara lagu!! i mean, everyone thought misha was going home with the trophy but noooooo.. SPIDER DID!!!!
it's been months that i haven't heard this song, so when they performed that sunday night, a balloon kinda swelled up inside of me. it's like.. i was reminded of how much i love this song and it's just AWESOME that they won!! tam did a really great job, with his husky(?) voice that made him sound absolutely.. absolutely wonderful. it really seemed like he felt that song inside him.
but then, he did co-wrote that song!
but the song is just wonderful!! i'm in love! hihi.

me and the family spent the weekend at nina's place. the folks really missed izzati and i'm just excited to see how farhana's doing. izzati had been pretty naughty nowadays. she likes to hit her sister and seem to think that kissing her afterwards would make it okay. hihi. she's really cute, but NAUGHTY!! sangat sangat!! grrr.

okay. anyways. i can change from pleasant to foul with the speed of light, such as now. so i'm just going to say what's bugging me.
DUDEE!! STOP SUFFOCATING MEEEE!!!!!! YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND AND I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT YOU IN THAT MANNER!!! GODD, HELLPPPP!!!!!!

why, it's amazing what you can do when you're irritated, isn't it? 'coz right now.. i really don't care if he finds this blog. HAH-HA!
bluerrghhh! i'm really foul, aren't i? and what should be considered worse, i don't feel guilty at all.

"..just the way you are"

i had a very interesting day today. really!
but please people.. be a friend next time, and if you know that i was going out while i wasn't feeling too well and having my period, STOP ME! me, being sick is bad for the society. plus, i look horrible wandering around with tissue in my hands. unhygenic, absolutely.

today i went again to midvalley.. even after being nagged by mama for being sick and still stubborn to go ahead with my plan. hohohok! (gara gara ablen who told me that i should tell someone that i was going out, in case anything happens. grr)
anyways, if you were living in the south side of malaysia, surely you experienced the power surge! and yes.. i was inside megamall when it happened. i was only there for a couple of minutes when it happened, and gosh! if you've seen resident evil, 12:30 pm in megamall today strongly reminds me of it! ekkeke! did you know that there's this canvas divider/devider (spelling?) along the halls that would automatically come down when there's a power surge??? well, there is such thing and it got me a lil' panicky that i actually jogged towards the light from the center court's skylight! i end up feeling lame.
anyways, after about 30minutes wondering around in the darkness, watching some people walking headlong into other people, i stopped in front of tomei and sat. a few while later some stranger by the name of kak lin walk up to me and struck a conversation! about an hour talking to her, she asked me a question.. "what's a pretty girl like you doing here alone? takde boyfriend ke?"
HOHHOHOHOK!! even a stranger thinks i should have a boyfriend! ekkekeke! ntahpapentah.

anyways, after lunch i decided that i shouldn't go back yet so i actually went to catch a movie!! bridget jones:edge of reason!!!!! i reaaaally like colin firth!! no. i liiiike mark darcy!! no no.. i looove mark darcy!! i ADORE him!! his fantastic, fabulous, extremely charming and absolutely, totally handsome!! I WANT!! honestly, is there anyone out there such as him? i hope by i'm 26 i'm with someone like him. one incredibly sweet arse. ekkeke! he's just amazing! it's amazing if there's really someone who can still love bridget even with her blunders. absolutely AMAZING!!
both bridget jones are definitely on my list of favorite movies! hihi.

anyways, today i found out three things;
1. there is such thing as allergy to dusts, 'coz i'm having one right now.
2. a cute face and smile can really make people don't mind much about your silliness.
3. sickness makes me more emotional than i already am! i actually almost cried at this one part of the movie. hihi! i remember this one time when i had this really high fever that i thought i was going to die!
(well, the doctor didn't help that she panicked when she read the thermometer!!)

okay. better rest. since that high fever, i'm pretty much horrified of getting a fever again. i think my body is done with the little viruses that now, i only get the really horrible ones, thus.. really really high fever!
okay. stopping!

eh wait!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ORLANDO BLOOM!!!
okay, done!

die birds, die!

if they really had brains the size of a bird's brain, i wouldn't have been so pissed.
me, having a porky mouth is absolutely horibble. but the things that happens around me pretty much invites me to curse as much as i can!
but i've stopped saying "idiot" at home! hihi. that should count for something.

last night one makcik called me up and that was AWESOME!! i wrote this long email to my bestest friends and hanis actually called back!! cayang cayaaang~ :x really really miss the girls. anyways, then me and hanis spent the night talking through skype, merepek merepek and kutuk kutuk, yah hanis! hihi.
luv ya luv yaaa!!

i suppose today is not too bad either. just realized how many things should be done by next week though. that was unfavorable.
honestly i have nothing much to say about today!
just really looking forward to tomorrow 'coz tomorrow is thursday and i'm going to spend all day long just the way i want it to be spent!!! (my schedule is absolutely empty for tomorrow)

ME TIIIIMEE!! hihi.
currently loving this song.
Drowning by Missy Higgins

Maybe I'm just living out the same old stories in and out
But you know that don't make it easier
Time will fly away with me if truth won't stop and let me see
And tell me I am to believe that you and I should never be again

I'm drowning

When the one you leave is the one thing you believe
You say goodbye when underneath's your one belief
That love rules all, conquers all

Its funny how the times that seem unbearable
Are the ones that you don't ever want to end
And when your childhood slips away
You find you face a brand new day
And you know it can't be the same again

'Cause when you leave you stayed in my memory
You say goodbye for now and have a drink for us
And good luck and find your way

Clawing out will sometimes seem so far away
Never knowing if I'll live to see another day
Never seem to find out what to do
Noone seems to tell you
'Cause you're drowning

When the one you leave is the one thing you believe
You say goodbye when underneath's your one belief
That love rules all, conquers all

That love rules all, it conquers all

i'll be safe. :)

my life.

it's definitely half empty.
no. it's closer to three-quarters empty 'coz i actually spend 8 hours and possibly more of them trying to not be seen by people or acting like i don't see them. and what's lame, i don't even try looking at my feet when i walk! i'm not that kind of person, but i pretty much hate being recognized!
why?
i - don't - know!!
i freakin' don't know.

anyways, i am currently de-boys-ing. it's something like de-tox-ing but instead of toxins, it's boys. just because i found out that boys actually gets me some allergic reaction.

what do you see in me?

really.
honestly.

one of my resolution this year is to not get mixed up in the wrong places..
and yet, on the 7th day of the new year, i am tempted to.

right now i really wish i could talk to someone who really.. truly.. knows me.

dear,
i'd like to believe that honesty prevails..
but how you could make the truth becomes more complicated than conjuring a lie boggles my mind. i suppose i should be proud that there is someone like you out there.. believing in the better me all these while.
4 years have passed, and there you are.. standing right where i left you.
thank you for the flattery, thank you for your time, thank you for being there, but i'm really REALLY not ready for this. again.
no no no no NOOOOO!!!!

hope you understand.

Popular; Nada Surf

Three important rules for breaking up
Don't put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don't make a big production
Don't make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you've gone together for only a short time,
And haven't been too serious,
There's still a feeling of rejection
When someone says she prefers the company of others
To your exclusive company,
But if you're honest and direct,
And avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news,
The boy will respect you for your frankness,
And honestly he'll appreciate the kind of straight foward manner
In which you told him your decision
Unless he's a real jerk or a cry baby you will remain friends

I propose we support a one month limit on going steady
I think It will keep people more able to deal with weird situations
And get to know more people
I think if you're ready to go out with Jonnie
Now's the time to tell him about your one month limit
He won't mind he'll apreciate your fresh look on dating
And once you've dated someone else you can date him again
I'm sure he'll like it
Everyone will appreciate it
Your so novel, what a good idea
You can keep you time to your self
You don't need date insurance
You can go out with whoever you want to
Every boy, every boy, in the whole world could be yours
If you'll just listen to my plan
THE TEENAGE GUIDE TO POPULARITY!

this song is freakishly growing on me! hihi.

scream!

humm.. i wish i am not ruled by my angst like i am.
i was the idiot. sorry did!
hummph. and it took me the next day to apologize.
it's so hard to admit that i was wrong and horrible.. especially to you 'coz you're no angel either!
hehe.

felt like writing something out, but i can't seem to put them into words.
what i have right now is only thoughts.
thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts.

feels like going on another ME time, but can i afford that? hihi.

these days..

is there any point in questioning about it?
hummm..
yes, there is.

it's just reaaally hard to get good keepers these days, doesn't it?
now people, i AM talking about the recent tiger cup match between Malaysia and Indonesia.
THE KEEPER WAS HORRIBLE!! god! he's just absolutely HORRIBLE!! not just he's bad at keeping the net, his hair is even WORSE!! nothing i hate more than ugly long-haired males. i really really think it's YUCKY!!
what's with most of the players anyways! so that chindian, whatsisname? kit kong? something like that.. so i think he is a good player.. but his long hair? makes me cringe! urghh!!

okay, about the game. i think it's just typically malaysian to lose a game when everyone is just puting such hope on them. don't our national players just lose when they're almost at the top? badminton.. football.. they're all just the same! i don't blame the fact that there weren't too many supporters coming into the stadium at the beginning of the tournament.
our players really disappoints a lot.
sorry that i sound really negative about our sports scene. i was really disappointed with our team. the attackers were doing soo goood!!
and the defenders were just.. crappy!

moving along to another thing that disappoints me...
how could the disney channel move even stevens to 2:30 am?!!! urghhh! bencikbencikkk!!
(err.. i am having this silly crush over shia labeouf. hokhokhok!!)

okay okay! i should talk about something else that would maybe, probably make more sense than those i've written up there. hihhi.
people, let's say "welcome to the planet!" to Alia Farhana!! (been playing the first verse of Dare You To Move by Switchfoot ever since her birth!)

born on last monday, December 27th, has a cute dimple on her right cheek, and her voice is just tiny!! cute, adorable, and tinyyy!! she's just amazing! and izzati was amazing! she's at that stage where she just loves babies, and anytime she saw her baby sister, she would want to kiss her!! of course everyone would try to hold her so she wouldn't accidentally fall on farhana, but when anyone tries to stop her from kissing her sister, she'd get frustrated and prentends to cry!! hihi.
the two are really adorable. can't wait to see farhana when she's at izzati's age! and izzati.. gosh!! it could probably take a whole day to talk about her!! and she's just a year old!!! i can't get enough of izzati and farhana!!!
sure, i can't really babysit either of them 'coz i'm all play, ekkeke! they're really a challenge. okay. i should re-phrase that. IZZATI is a challenge. she's really no-rest, all-play, and just refuse to stay put! unless, you have a dairy milk chocolate in your hands to keep her occupied with.. until she gets enough of it!! hihi.
still.. i can't get enough of my two nieces!!!!
and if nina gets another girl after this, that's another set of the 'charmed one'!! hohhohok!

okay. enough of this babblebabble.
sorry (if applicable) for missing for a whole week! hihi. been spending most of the week in seremban. (if only the 'holidays' were longer! hihi)
and now i'm off to some 'me' time! hihi.

o yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

i am good for nothing.

i am so frustrated.
if i wasn't horrified of pain, i would've jumped off the window legde 2 hours ago.
o mann, i'm so tired of crying!!
and now, how can i face those people i care about??
or so i claimed.

i am a horrible horrible person!!!
i'm a horrible horrible daughter!!

entahlah.
dah takde hati nak bercerita.
i still have a letter to finish. later!

(o yeah, if any of you are thinking how i shouldn't be too depressed, shut it! you don't even know half the things i'm going through!)

thank you.

you just remind me why i preferred being "invisible" on the first place.

haven't done my studying!!! i just found out how much i actually should read.
anyways, i think the 'couple of days' is over and today i can start sharing my thoughts again!

....

err. let's take a raincheck on that.
anyways, i haven't said anything about my birthday, have i?
it was a fun-ny one. someone actually "gave" me a confession that day and it still makes me laugh when i think about it. thanks loads to rai who called. heehee. really really appreciate it. only then i realize how much i miss talking to that peeve.
thanks to everyone who remembered.

speaking of birthday, today is my teddi bear's! ekekke!
hey you, do you know that the bear already had sort of a name before you gave it to me? the tag said 'Spencer'. heehee. teddi bear is 2 years old today.
click!

just one boring post.

i shouldn't be sharing my thoughts yet.
but i'm really really bored now.
and i think papa at home is bored as well.
so here i'm posting papa's gedik message just now.

[ HI!!!! LOVE YOU!! ]

okay. so then i replied with something like right here is too boring but i have class on friday and asked, "buat buat takde kelas takpe tak?"

[ NO WAY! YOU HAVE TO ATTEND CLASS. ]

hummph. thought so.

surprise me.

it's so hard to get a good surprise these days, don't you think?

today has been a surprisingly good one! i love the cool air.
so i walked off to class early feeling all nervous for my first supplementary paper today. (err.. and a bit angau about something. kikkiki!) while trying to figure out if i messed up really bad a month ago. wanted to get my slip printed at first, but the only printer available was the "too canggih for my undertsanding" one, so i stupidly walked away from the room and went straight to etheatre.
still feeling a bit lame, i kept on reading while the media law lecturer talks on. (o yeah, i did look around) the class ended around 12 and i met up yoges and ara.
as i waited for yoges as she talked to a lecturer, this "guy" sorta sneaked up on me and when i noticed him, he said "badan dah naik eh?"
ekkekeke! so what does that tell you?
is he concerned for my weight or has he been checking me out? hohohokk!
terok la kamu.

anyways, later i head to apple's room and waste some time "reading" before heading for the hall.
the paper made me a bit giggly but i really hate the fact that i couldn't answer this 10-marked question! bluerghhh!
and then at 4:30 the examiners forgot to take our papers. (take notice, there were three of us with the paper at the end of exam, ida munirah - ida hazwanie - hazwani naim. hohhohok! bengong.) anyways, we just hung around talking with sherry even when we heard the examiners talking to themselves that the papers for mid2053 were "lost". ekkeke.

oooh~ my posts are so pleasant when i'm in a good mood.

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
Im just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begin

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

funny enough, Rochelle said this about the week: "From my calculations, Wednesday is going to be your lucky day for this period."

nervous breakdown.

actually, what does that term mean? 'coz right now i'm using it because i'm feeling really nervous for tomorrow and the day after that.
i just can't grasp what the heck that's making me this irresponsible!! urghh!! how could i let myself down so horribly???

sometimes i think being a sagittarius is a curse.

"...you can be so enamored of your abstract vision, your view of the whole, your intuitive sense of possibilities and potentials, that you miss what is right in front of you, including the actual work involved in realizing that vision, or perhaps the real people that might be effected."

hmmph! idiot.

anyways, i better get on with my studying.

changed to one lazy layout. other than the nervous breakdown, i'm also having a real designer's block. bluerghh!

ohh! this is the song that i've been crazy about weeks ago. somewhat like a theme song, but not anymore! but i still love the song. i haven't got it on my pc though.. entah mana nak cari. but i've been following the radio long enough to somewhat memorize the song. :D
Aku, Dia dan Kamu by Diva

Betapa bodohnya diriku
Mahu diduakan dirimu
Namun bila hati bicara
Aku sayang padamu

Kau takkan pernah tinggalkannya
Dihatimu cuma dia
Namun tetap kau inginkan ku
Kini apa dayaku

Putuskan dia o kasih
Agar ku tak tersaingi
Sungguh ku benci dirimu yang tak bisa memilih
Namun harus ku akui
Sukar untuk lepaskanmu
Akhirnya aku undur diri demi dia dan kamu..

"don't cry"

almost three years ago someone said that to me, and it made me even more sad and actually cried in public. that's a stupid thing to say for a goodbye.
aren't goodbyes just the worst things to say?
anyways, so after 3 weeks absent from this retched place (hoho!) i'm back again to get my wrong things right. (try la kan)
i didn't cry as i did then, but my insides were spinning.. wishing i was still glued to the television at home. haha!

so the holidays was good. i had a good time doing nothing, somehow.
not exactly nothing.. but i just realize, after my sister's wedding, i really don't mind going to weddings! before that, i used to make up a lot of excuses for not going. even when my mom threatens me stuff, i still chose to stay hungry at home. but eversince 2002, i actually LIKE getting myself headache over the crowd of people i hardly know.

other than that.. i realize how this holiday is one turning point for me. well, not exactly "turning".. it's something like "pointing out" point in my life.
i am feeling what i was feeling when i was coming to 17. this really good feeling for just myself. can't believe i had to wait for 3 years just to get this feeling again. sheesh!

anyways, i was astrologically advised to keep my thoughts to myself this couple of days and i'm having a headache from lack of sleep, and my insides still not feeling good, and kak huda just fried some keropok lekor lahh! wee~!

okay, here's a song i heard from one of my fave tv shows of all time. i think i was being fed with too much of this show that i'm becoming like the main actor of it.. yikes!
Alone Again, Naturally by Vonda Shepard

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn't do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much, as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about love and His mercy
Who if He really does exist
Why does He desert me?
In my hour of need I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

Seems to me that there are more hearts
Broken in the world that can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do, what do we do?

What do we do, what do we do?
In my hour of need I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

goodbye.

songs about yous..

(be warned, this will be a long one..)

heehee. happy holidays mmu peeps!
and to those who are studying in uitm and uia.. welcome back to school! (if you let me call it that!)

so i've been in a spin, thinking of what i wanted to write for the end of the semester coz i usually have something. i've been having this little patches of things but when i write them out, they only came in.. well, patches! ekkeke.
seems like i've been losing any sort of motivation to write but wait a minute.. that's IMPOSSIBLE! ekekke!
so i've been uninspired since the couple of weeks.. but the weeks' rest ought to buy me some time for one possibly.. probably "good" entry, right?
(good? who am i kidding??)

i read my old diaries the week before i had my exams.. and god! i wish i could get a goood barrel of steel and matches and light them up and watch them all burn.. ahhahah!! you know, you thought a diary would help you 'catch your thoughts' and 'remind you of important accounts'. but when i read those diaries.. i can only shout aloud, "O MY GOD!!!"
what an embarrassment!! thank god no one ever found and read them! ekkekeke!
it's just funny.. and embarrassing to remember what i thought was important when i was thirteen. ekekke. idiot.

and then i found out how i've been getting myself in the same sticky situation over.. and over.. and over again since many years ago! and what's weird is how i've been thinking that it was always the first time i feel it when i felt it. (am i making any sense here?)
so really.. nothing has ever been new.. truly new in my life. the same things just keeps happening, but with different people.
maybe it really is true.. subconciously, we keep falling in 'love' with the same person. the same sort, at least. kinda frustrating when i think about it, so i better stop!

so anyways, those diaries got me thinking about songs..
alike my blog, i wrote down my favorite lyrics down in my diaries.
i have a particular song for almost everyone it seems! and that, i have to say is a baad unintended move. i mean, now when i don't want to remember about someone.. i would just think about them when i hear the song. and that's baaadd!!

the thing about songs.. i also hate it when someone 'steals' it from me. i know that's a stupid thing to say since the song was never "mine", but i just hate it! i hate it when someone relates a song to a person, with the song i relate the same person with. hahahha! i think i'm really making no sense. it's just.. i hate the feeling of being like.. 'another one'. i mean, that's how I relate to the person.. so how can someone else relate the same song to that person?? that would suck a lot.

but gladly!! somehow i just can't seem to relate my favorite, most favorite song to anyone i know. heehee! somehow. and that's awesome!! i can enjoy a good, perfect song without anyone being able to 'steal' it or being interrupted with the thoughts of someone i probably.. actually.. hate.
just hopefully it'll stay that way 'til the rest of my life..
or when i found someone who i couldn't possibly hate. well, that's a lie. there's always something to hate. (for me, at least!)
i find it hard to like everything about someone. you can like them for anything, but to like everything is doubtful. so that line up there ought to be; "when i found someone who i couldn't hate too much". heehee.

so that's partly a confession.. i have a song that relates best to almost everyone.
someone once said to me that a song only relates to you as much as you want it to. well, that person was right. a song couldn't possibly be written completely about you unless you wrote them yourself. but sometimes, a song can really.. just simply be talking about someone.

so here's a song that has been caught up in my head for the last couple of days. i finally found the perfect little song, and this IS about someone.

Follow You Down by Gin Blossoms

Did you see the sky, I think it means that we've been lost
Maybe one less time is all we need
I can't really help it if my tongue's all tied in knots
Jumping off a bridge, it's just the farthest that I've ever been

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

I know we're headed somewhere, I can see how far we've come
But still, I can't remember anything
Let's not do the wrong thing and I swear it might be fun
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

How you gonna ever find your place
Runnin' in an artificial pace
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand
So what the hell, have we already been forever damned?

Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Anyplace, but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far

so here's a week in the holidays.
a few plans has been lined up. just a question if it's going to happen. people to see, places to go and yes, things to shop! (cheer cheer!!!)
i miss my fiance!! and hanis.. and musz.
and i can't wait to see dayat!! aaaiiiyyyyyyyyyeee!! i need february to come early. heehee.
errkk! but that reminds me that i promised fiance something. (but he knows me so well, he probably didn't count on that i'll do as promised. hahhahaha!)
it's just great when you have those people that just knows you to the core. (but they're horrible to have when you're trying to hide something!)

and finally!! have an awesome time, people!!!
i'm going to crack my brain on a favor for dida now.

seven shades of blue.

ain't that pretty?

anyways.. currently feeling quite fine.
going to have my final paper in 2 hours and i am HORRIFIED!!
i hope i'll do okay.. especially since i need to get full marks if i want to confirm a pass! ahhahahah!! gilok.

i just realize last night.. that my sadness had turned to anger long time ago. it's.. sad. hohoho. well, i suppose i just hate that feeling of losing. it feels awful and i hate it! thus, i got mad and just got angry with almost anything that ticked me even just a lil'.
but i'm okay now.
things... doesn't seem so big as i made them now. :)

so yesterday i was in the car when i looked up to the sky and saw seven beautiful shades of blue. and what's more amazing.. the moon could be seen at 5:54 pm! i mean.. that's EARLY!
sigh. i love sitting in the car.
i think if i have a driver's liscence (spelling?) and own a car.. i'd spend my whole day just driving around. :)

okay! better revise some things now.
but this coffee is making me jumpy. eeeek!