東京!

If you have 24 hours in Tokyo...
How would you spend your day?

Well, I suppose I wasn't much of a tourist nor a traveller..
I was just a girl with a mission.
Instead of going to Disneyland or visit the Tokyo Tower or even take a photo with Hachiko, I decided to hit all the Hard Rock Cafes that was within reach! bahahhahaha!
I'm nuts. I know.

So basically I don't really have a picture of myself in Tokyo.. Except maybe this;

hahahahahha!
Anyway, I had a good time even when I had spent most of the day in the train.
Feels kinda proud that I didn't get lost, not even once. heehee!

**the red 'X' marks the closest train station to the hotel while the purple 'X' were the places that I went to.

So.. four HRC in one day.. And there will be a remake of this insanity in a few days.. (in someplace else though..)
I got really cute pins while I was visiting all those HRC.. so yeah.. I was doing something I truly enjoyed in those few hours I got. It was raining all day anyway. So thank God I wasn't so keen on sight-seeing.

Met Hafiz Karim for the first time. teehee! I find it amusing how I had to be in Tokyo to finally meet him.

And now I'm back home.. spending the day off with Encem before going back to Shah Alam tomorrow.. *grins*

Deteriorating.

Flu.
Blocked ears.
Snot oozing.
Food has no taste.

Meds not working.

Bad mood.
Tokyo tomorrow night.
Pfftt!

Piss off!

Bruised and battered.

So...
My heart took another beating.
I really don't know how long I can take it anymore. I suppose if I read through my Moleskine, it's pretty clear that I go back and forth every week -- pretty much since the first week!
So what does that say about me?
Indecisive?
Madly in love??

Pffft! If that's what it is.. I don't think I would've started had I known..
Perhaps I would be satisfied with mediocrity. I may never learn how to be happy so I might as well accept being mediocre.

Anyway, I am currently out of town. Bored. Sleepless. Lonely as ever.
Running out of cigarettes because I had nothing else better to do and losing any interest to food. Bah!
I pray that I won't pass out or anything of the likes when I need to work.

Doing anything in a foul mood just blows, really..

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$_$

I shall refrain from blogging about money.. uuuh...

I suppose I can be quite a big spender.. sometimes. But really, I blame my sucky roster for giving me boring flights and pretty lousy allowances that restraints my livelihood. hahahaha!

Oh well, I'm not doing too bad really. I'm just grumpy that I can't shop carelessly like a couple of months back. These past two months (and next month too, by the looks of it!) I only have enough to pay my bills, rent and food. (And yes, I do get to spend luxuriously on food..)

I'm just being a brat, is all..

I had wanted to buy yet another Lomo camera (pffft!) but I guess that one will have to wait. I'll just worm my way around getting something else for the time being.

*manic laugh* Yes, my friends.. instead of accepting that I can't afford one thing so I'll just put away what I have for next time, I decided to get something else that I can afford! hahahaha!

ughhh.. I probably need help.

I have enough camera anyway.. (I'm trying to convince myself that!) What I don't have is a magnet thingy for my artsy-crafty crap. heehee. Perhaps I'll show you what I'd do with it once it arrives.

Oh, I saw Good Will Hunting for the first time yesterday.. I suppose I should've seen it a couple of times at least, but I don't know.. I guess I thought that I've seen it before but I just couldn't remember a thing about it..? haha! Anyway, it was a really good watch.

The moment Matt Damon started seeing Robin Williams (who played as a psychiatrist) I knew why the film won so many awards.. I love love LOVE the speech in the park..

The day before that I watched Last Night, starring Kiera Knightley, Sam Worthington and Eva Mendes. mm.. yeah, I hated that one. Mostly because I found it too heavy for my heart.. or brain. What ever. It's really a simple sort of movie.. Kinda straight forward. Just kinda..

I find myself thinking too much about how it ended, really.

The difference between a man and a woman..

I've been getting too many off days lately, it's a wonder how I manage to NOT shop until today.. bahahha!

Singapore layover later this evening.. I gotta remind myself to ask the hotel something I'd been meaning to ask. Oooh I really can't wait for my trip with Dida later in the month!

It's going to be a mini-Hard Rock Cafe tour. I was hoping to finally get my hands on some T3 pins! rawrr! I find it quite ludicrous that there are FOUR friggin' Hard Rocks in Singapore!

And yes, I've been to three of them but I wasn't enrolled in the Pin Collector's Club before.. So now I have to go back. (mm yeah, it's a bit too complicated to explain and I'm lazy. I doubt you'd be interested to read it anyway. Let's just say I'm a seriously obsessed Pinhead.) We're really going to have a look at the H&M store.. but while we're at it, you know. Plus, we could stop over in Melaka on the way back to visit the new HRC!

Bahahahahha!

Aaah.. so many plans this month.. Kinda.

heehee.

Kisah Bisul Pecah.

#crewlife

Kelmarin aku balek dari 4-days trip yang boleh lah tahan meletihkan. Sector-wise, first dengan last day je yang buat kerah tenaga habis habisan. Tapi.. aku dapat lah pulak set yang kaki makan/jalan... Sekali sekala dapat one whole set yang sama wave length ngan kau, takkan kau nak lepaskan peluang, ye dak?

So first day tu, KUL/TWU/KUL/KBR.
Sampai Kota Bharu dah dekat midnite. Kebiasaan crew akan keletihan dan pilih untuk duk dalam bilik order room service ataupun lupakan saja niat nak makan lalu terus tidur.. Tapi set aku tak; sampai di lobby, dapat kunci bilik, tanya front desk kat mana ada kedai still bukak -- "Okay, 10 minit turun eh."
So naik cepat cepat, taruk barang, tukar baju cam pelesit, kencing sat pastu turun!
Memang semua orang turun, kecuali Captain.. (Co-pilot memang kaki jalan, aku tau dah sebab kitorang nitestop KHH sama last month.)

Alhamduliilah, malam tu Leading aku belanja kitorang makan.. Macam tau tauuu je aku memang sengkek abes. Actually gaji dah masuk aritu, tapi aku pun belum sempat gi ATM. Alhamdulillah lagi, gaji masuk awal...
Pastu kitorang jalan balek ke hotel sambil plan esok nak brunch apa..

Pagi esok, kul sebelas kitorang jalan jalan carik nak makan apa. Kali ni Captain ikut sekali. Aku, co-pilot ngan dua stewardess tapau nasi kerabu kat stall pastu rendezvous ngan yang lain kat restoran. (Captain tak makan kat stalls kot.. pfft!) Nasi kerabu, co-pilot belanja.. Air ngan lauk tambahan kat restoran tu Captain bayar.. Alhamdulillah...

Petang tu kitorang fly KBR/KUL/KCH lak.. Tuka dah tech crew.
Alkisahnya, Captain kali ni landing entah cemana ntah.. boleh tahan kuat la hentaknya. Dah keluar kapal malam tu, stewardess aku yang sorang ni dengan tak segan silu pegi gurau sama Captain kata bisul dia pecah sebab landing tu. hahaha. Dengan Captain baik, kau bole la gurau camtu eh...

So malam tu kitorang ramai ramai keluar makan lagi.. Aku layan sotong penyet ngan pisang goreng cheese. Captain ni lak belanja.. Mungkin sebab rasa bersalah. haha! Apa apa pun, Alhamdulillah..
Plan brunch sama lagi esoknya..
Kul sebelas pagi dah kenyang mee kolok. Tak sempat Captain nak kuar duit, steward aku dah gi baya diam diam.. Murah rezeki sorang sorang. Air, Captain tak sempat pape dah hulur cepat cepat.

Flight untuk third day cuma KCH/MYY/KCH.
Balek tu pun tuka baju, terus keluar sebab nak jalan jalan kat The Hills kejap. Tengok tengok barang sikit tapi tak beli apa pun. Kul 7:30 dah jumpa yang lain kat tempat makan.. Malam ni baruuu lah keluar duit sendiri..

Esok tu balek KL empat sektor; KCH/BKI/SDK/BKI/KUL.
Bapak letih, dengan flight full nyee.. Banyak kerenah semuanya. Tapi entah kenapa kitorang pun good mood je. Aku siap kene marah ngan pax yang sorang ni sebab katanya aku tak kasi dia air lagi.. bebel ntah pape la dia, sampai kan pax yang sebelah dia suggest kat aku suh kasi dua kotak air kat orang tu terus. hahaha! Dah aku terhibur kat situ walaupun kene bebel.

And sempat pulak ada pax kasi message ni kat aku;

hahaha takleh blah..
Dahlaa bukan aku pun yang serve dia time service. Tetiba je..
And kat penghujung flight tu, ada pax lain lak hulur duit kat Leading on the way dia keluar sambil cakap, "lunch is on me.." Ewahh! Dapat lah kitorang RM 20+ sorang.. Cover balek duit makan aku malam sebelum tu! hahahahahha Alhamdulillah...

Some days I can't help but feel.. dilindungi Tuhan. hahahahha! Trust me to romanticize things.. Tapi ye lah, time aku sengkek yang amat, time tu la pula adaa saja orang tolong hulur. Alhamdulillah sangat.. Dan flight yang ala ala siot pon aku end up terhibur. I feel so lucky and blessed..

Roster bulan depan tak memberangsangkan, tapi aku still bersyukur.. Aku masih ada kerja. Aku masih suka kerja aku walaupun ada malas tu kadang kadang. Ada lima malam kat Kuching next month. Muntah darah bila difikirkan, tapi tak apalah.. Aku patut fikir positif buat masa ni. Timing cuti aku sedap je -- Dida plan nak pegi Singapore lagi. hehe! And I am rostered for Haneda. Alhamdulillah.. Walaupun short stay, sempat la merasa sebelum B777 amek that route.
Nantikan kedatanganku, Hard Rock Cafes! Akan ku jajahi semuanyaaa! bahahahhaha!!

Aku kena tuka duit cepat cepat so aku tak terbelanjakan.. hehe..

I'd forgotten..

..The last time I really really felt poor.
Okaylaa.. I probably used that word a few weeks ago, tapi haritu punya sengkek tak seteruk kali ni. Duit kat tangan tak sampai lima puluh ringgit, kat both Maybank and CIMB; even collectively tak sampai seratus! Lepas tu esok start four-days trip.
Sedih.
Ada la kan duit yang aku sorok sorok tu, tapi.. I'm really hoping not to touch it!
Tapi mampu ke aku bertahan untuk tak sentuh duit tu sampai gaji masuk? Soalan paling penting, cukup ke duit aku untuk pegi trip empat hari ni? Takkan aku tak sekali pun keluar makan, kan?

Alkisahnya, mungkin aku terlebih belanja bulan lepas.. Gara gara membayar bil credit card bulan lepas, duit aku ala ala cukup makan je to sustain me 'til the next pay day. But I guess I overlooked my bank statement. Rupanya duit yang ala ala cukup makan tu, belum tolak lagi duit insurance.
Maka pada malam tiga belas haribulan selepas aku withdraw RM100 dari CIMB haritu.. terkejut beruk sat bila tengok balance kat resit tinggal RM43.30.
Hmmmmmph!

Selepas kejadian tu aku masih tenang.. I know I had another two hundred in my Maybank.
And yet bila pagi tadi aku tengok M2U, balance tinggal RM80 -- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!!
Lalu aku pon tengok lah Account Details...
So.. I bought something online a few months back but the item was backordered. In the case where an item is backordered, usually the store is pre-authorised to debit the amount once the item is available and shipped.
SEKARANG LAH KANNN KAU BARU NAK AVAILABLE?! Syialan..
Hmmmmphhhhh!!!

It is all bad timing, really. Dida reckons that I suck at managing my money, but I don't think so. I know how to control my spending. I wouldn't have spent as much last month if I know that I couldn't afford it -- but I can. And as for the overlooking my insurance; the auto-debit was on a later date last month.. that's why I overlooked it. The pre-authorization? Manalahh aku tau dia nak tolak bulan ni pulak kannnnn?
Adoi.. Wrong timing.
Anyway, lesson of the month? Lain kali jangan tinggalkan duit cukup cukup makan je.. pfft!

It's been a good day, by the way.
Encem left for his trip but I wasn't left alone for long. I'd spent the day with Ablen after sooooo long not seeing him. Made me miss the Original Members. hehe. Rindu zaman melepak ramai ramai with MY friends. I guess these days I only hang out with people who are also friends with Encem -- or really, Encem's friends! It's been such a long long time since I met up with MY friends.

Nothing wrong with hanging out with Encem's friends, tapi kadang kadang tu terasa bosan.. I'd feel like an outsider. They share a history and speak in a different language. I don't necessarily feel comfortable, mostly sebab aku rasa macam penyebok. Kemana Encem pergi, ke situlah juga aku ikut. Not exactly the sort of girlfriend I want to be, really.

So, thank you so so much Ablen for asking me out! The timing -- was PERFECT. hehe.

Semalam lak pegi Muar untuk sambungan Tea & Coffee Program haritu! It was a really good trip. I felt like I learned something -- langsung tak macam pegi BOH haritu.. pshh! Perhaps being a coffee-lover made the difference, but I'd say that it was the host! They were an awesome bunch of people!
I'm really really glad that I signed up for the program. I've got an email to write of the trip, but alahai malasnyee.. Maybe once I get back from work.

Heart is so Jetlagged.

In the mood of listening to cheesy songs.

Anyway, back to work. My holiday felt really short. My sister was irked with me most of the time because it was pretty hard to get me to stop watching the telly. Haha!
I don't know.. I guess these days my idea of a holiday is simply to chill.. Do what ever I felt like doing.
Unfortunate for her that I just happen to want to be a couch potato on our holiday.

Of course eventually I decided to leave the room and join her under the sun. I would say that it was a well-earned holiday! I got my rest.. A funny looking tan-line.. And yeah, our mandatory jumping pics! Bahahahaha!

The nights were spent under the full moon.. My favourite parts, really. I don't know why but the moon always makes me think.
Dan disebabkan aku lupa diri, golek golek atas rumput lak, akibatnya naik rashes. Pshhhh!
My skin's getting really sensitive lately! Sucks.

Oh. Hmm.. Feeling the need for inspiration now. I miss writing about things in general rather than what I've been up to. Sounds real vain! Hahahaha..
If you actually know me in real life, you'd realize that I don't speak of half the things that I write in here..
So unnecessary...

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

#crewlife

Kompilasi minggu ini, hasil kerja aku dalam empat hari.. (yang aku teringat lah!)

W: What would you like to drink sir?
Pax: Do you have like cappucino....
W: I wish sir, but I'm afraid we only have plain coffee.
Pax: Alright then, coffee.

-----

Pax: The cabin is too cold.. Call the captain and tell him to adjust the temperature. I don't want to get sick.
W: ...sure *jalan laju laju ke galley untuk mengumpat sama Leading*

-----

W: *senyum ikhlas mesra* Good afternoon.. Today we are serving Fried Rice with Prawns Sambal and the second choice is Roti Putar with Chicken Curry.
Pax: *pikir pikir pikir pikir* Nasi Lemak?
W: *masih senyum* No sir, we have Fried Rice..
Pax: *discuss jap ngan member sebelah* Noodle?
W: *ketap gigi* We have Fried Rice and Roti Putar sir..
Pax: Fish?
W: *mata terbeliak sikit sebab tahan daripada menjeling* The Fried Rice is with Prawns and Roti Putar is with Chicken.
Pax: mm.. no noodle aa?
W: *suara sudah garang sikit* No noodles sir, just Rice and Roti Putar. Which one would you like to have?

dan bila dia ngan member dia dah decide, aku tengah pass makanan kat dia..

Pax: No noodle..?
W: No. *kasi makanan dan terus paling pandang pax lain..*

-----

W: Encik, harini kita ada Nasik Goreng ngan Sambal Udang, dengan Roti Putar ngan Kari Ayam..
Pax: Awak rekemen yang mana ye? Mana lagi sedap?
W: *takde mood sebab pax tadi* Dua dua pon biase makan, pada saya dua dua tak sedap.

huhuuu.. aku memang suka hati. Sungguh aku takde mood melayan pakcik pakcik yang lain macam friendly nye.. (Before service this pax dan rakannye memang sebok nak ajak aku berbual.. macam aku takde menda lain nak buat!)

-----

Kapal light load, time service kitorang keluar dua orang jaga satu cart. Aku distribute makanan, stewardess sorang lagi distribute air.. So stewardess sorang lagi tu lagi senang nak capai drinks.. Tengah kitorang nak buat collection dah;

Pax: Hello, one more Pepsi.
W: *rasa berbulu sebab dipanggil 'hello' tapi abaikan saja* sir, you can ask from my collegue.. *senyum*
Pax: *schweet schweet bunyik tikus ala ala rempit panggil pompuan lalu lalang*

Note, passenger ini adalah passenger yang sebok buang masa aku tanya pasal noodles tadi.

Sekian, wassalam..

Of perfections.

Yeaaah..
I was/am crazy, hence the previous entry.

To be truth, I am generally happy.
Apart from the outburst earlier, everything else in my life has been going on alright.

I've practically got my health back, Alhamdulillah.. I can easily forget that I still have the coughs, so it's okay.
I was on standby for the past three days; first day I was called up for BKK and back, and on the third day I did PEN and back! Super simple sectors, and I was absolutely free to go out on the second day!
Alhamdulillah..

So what exactly did I do on that second day?
I threw around some money, of course! HAHAHAHHA!! Bought the ONE thing that I've always always wanted for my bedroom; Cannon Silktex 400 thread count!
Look it up fellas..
I swear, now I wish to die in bed.
Thread count wise, it's not as high as Egyptian cotton would be.. but like I said, you should go out to the bedding section of your favourite departmental store and feel the awesomeness of Silktex yourself! heehee.

Anyway, I feel older for enjoying myself when I buy things for my home. Feels a bit.. less selfish, somehow..? Just kinda.

Next month's roster sucks ass. I am trying my best not to complain.. (Fact: I threw my Blackberry the moment I saw my roster in my email!) It was THAT bad. I'm still trying not to complain..
After all, I do have my annual beach-getaway with Dida to look forward to! yayyy! Finally!!

So yeah, maybe Sags are positive thinkers after all..
-- when you count out the emotional outbursts, of course! hahahha

Emo mthrfckrrr!

Are you worthy of having my whole heart?
Are you truly worthy of getting my unconditional love?
Pada kau la kan.. Layak ke engkau???!

I am barely hanging on. You don't seem to notice. God knows how hard I'm trying to hold on when in fact I am so tired.
So so tired.
Aku lelah hati ni.. Pusing pusing benda samaa je. You said that you're exposing yourself little by little so you'd seem to be a little mysterious.. So I wouldn't get bored.

Well, I am bored. So you FAILED! Ha - ha! I am bored of putting my heart out to be crushed by you again and again.
I'm tired and frustrated and half of my heart is already out the door.
And yet I'm still here. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'm just stupid for staying around.
I feel nothing but like a fool.

So thanks!
For 'helping' me become the fool that I am today. You're awesome just the way you are. All sunny and happy..
I don't belong with you, really.
Doesn't matter whether I hide my heart or actually speak out. Nothing ever changes.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Sentap lagi?

I wonder how I would be had I been a less-emotional person.
I know that you're not supposed to wish to be someone else, and I'm not really.. I'm just wondering.. Perhaps there is still time for me to become that person.

I want to feel less.
To not care.
To cry less.
To not hurt as much.

I'm in that sombre mood I suppose.
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around. I wish I was special..
And yes, I am quoting Radiohead because that is exactly how I feel at this very moment.

I'd love to wish for nothing. I want to be stoic. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm letting go.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong anywhere with you.

And yes, this entry is personal and general at the same time because I am crazy.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

To dream the dream..

Lately I've been speaking to people who reckons that I should be something else -- career-wise.
I find it... amusing how they have more faith in me than myself.
I wonder if my lack of enthusiasm in their suggestions were based on the fact that I am supposed to know myself best.. or just that I'm a scardy-cat underneath.
Fear of rejection keeps me stagnant. Unadventurous, if you like.

Honestly I don't even know.
That bit of me who dreams of being what I had always wanted to be is still alive.. somewhere inside. And I do realize that it's pretty easy to forget when I've been so busy juggling between my job and getting worked up over my personal life! (haha!)
I wish I have a definite answer to this question. (Was there a question?)

Maybe someday?
I do hope that I'd get the chance to somehow materialize that dream though.
Someday...
Definitely someday...
I would definitely jump into it whole-heartedly someday. (And I am typing this while grinning.. this sucks! I can't seem to take myself seriously somehow. ughhh!!)

Perhaps when I am more stable and calm.. Maybe then. (Still grinning.)

Funny how you always thought of doing something but always ended up doing something else.
I never imagined myself in the service industry honestly. I'm too brash and selfish. But somehow I enjoy being around people.
Oh well, maybe someday I will get to a point where I would write about them in a more.. err.. serious way.
Someday.

Oh by the way...

Does anyone feel like I'm getting a bit more.. stupid, lately?
I miss the days when I write like this.

Aku dan demam panasss.

(tiada dalam gambar; ubat batuk jenis cecair..)

Orang kata bila kita sakit, Tuhan ampunkan dosa dosa kecil kita.. Betul ke?
So kalau aku dah sakit since Raya kedua, apa maksudnya? Dosa aku banyak sangat sampai tak terampun dalam masa dua tiga hari? Dah Syawal ke-16 dah, ini aku tak kira time aku start dengan batuk time Ramadhan!

Okaylaa, aku jugak degil sebab taknak jumpa doktor. Siapa suka jumpa doktor kan? (Unless boyfren/girlfren korang doktor laa.. ataupun korang harapkan doktor tu bakal jadi boyfren/girlfren korang!) Lagi lagi dengan profession aku ni. Diorang tengok logo depan medical book aku je, diorang bajet aku nak mintak mc sebab malas keje. Memang bikin hati gua panasss. (terkeluar gangster kat situ.)
Jadi seperti biasa, selagi aku tak rasa sakit macam nak mati, memang aku takkan tunjukkan muka aku kat klinik.

So kelmarin baru lah aku pegi jumpa doktor.. Klinik biase aku adalah Klinik Anis kat Seksyen 3, Shah Alam. Itu memang klinik aku lah! Sejak aku kecik aku pegi situ, kad rekod aku dah kaler kuning kuning dah punye lah lama dah wujud.. Doktor yang bertugas, Dr. Asvinder kot namanye. Punye tere dia ni, aku cakap aku demam dia tanya aku patut fly mana.. Aku jawab Miri, dia kata "Alaa dekat je.." (Dekat dekat pun, pikap aku pukul 0530, duty end time adalah 1405.)
Lalu dia letak strip ala ala nak tengok power battery banyak lagi ke tak tu kat dahi, dan penuh terkejut bunyiknye dia cakap, "Oh, you demam!"
Aku pun reply, "Abestu you ingat I berlakon kee??"
Pastu dia tanya aku bila last mc... aku flip medical book aku yang berada di depan DIA dan jawab, "March.. Allergic amenda ntah.."
Nak tau apa dia respon lepas tu?
"Buat laa allergy test.. 1500 je.."
Ada dua tiga kali gak laa dia mengiklankan allergy test yang bernilai RM1500 tu kat aku.

So anyway, aku pulang dengan ubat demam, antibiotik, selsema, kahak, batuk dan mc untuk sehari.
Terima kasihlah Iqbal kerana sudi menjadi pak supir pada malam itu dari Bukit Jalil ke Shah Alam dan ke Bukit Jalil semula..

Keesokkan harinya aku pulang ke Shah Alam atas saranan Mama yang risau sebab Encem kerja, so takde sape nak jaga aku..
Dah jadi cerita harini lak.. Patutnya aku buat flight Hyderabad, tapi sungguh aku tak larat. Badan baru ala ala nak kebah demam, tak ke susah nak baik kalau asyik dikerah tenaga je? Maka aku pun ajak Dida yang sesuka hati amek EL harini, untuk bawak aku gi klinik.. dengan harapan supaya aku dapat mc lagi supaya aku dapat berehat.

Doktor kali ni namanya Dr. Gowdh. Dia tengok aku, amek kiraan nadi aku sambil ambik temperature aku pakai electronic thermometer. (Doktor aritu tak sentuh pun thermometer!) Selepas berapa saat ntah dia tengok bacaannya; 39°C! Hahahahhaha.. tak sempat aku nak berlakon sakit, rupanya memang aku masih sakit! Ni paling best.. pada hari yang aku rasa macam ala ala nak kebah ni, suhu aku adalah 39°C!! hahahahaha! Aku tak tau nak cakap apa dah.. Time haritu aku rasa miserable abes tu suhu aku berapa?? 41°C??

So kesimpulannye aku memang terer demam. Takde nye nak demam sikit sikit. Kalau nak demam terus demam panas. Siap doktor ni cakap, kalau by esok tak elok lagi aku patut pegi Medical Centre untuk buat blood test! huhuuu.. Aku pon tak tau lak demam aku seganas ni.
Tapi semalam mimpi aku memang tak tenang laa.. dok terpikir Hyderabad laa.. tetiba ada pasal Pune laa.. Aku pon tak tau laa.. Naseb tak meracau dalam Hindi je..

Nak dijadikan cerita lagi, dalam dua hari aku call Duty Officer, dua dua kali aku bercakap ngan orang orang cibai. Entah apa masalah diorang ntah, jawab telefon pun lambat! Bila aku sebut "117" je nada diorang jadi lain. Macam laa aku ni kaki mc sangat. Ini first time aku mc flight Indian-route kot! I doubt diorang perasan la kan.

So anyway, I hope Karma will get their asses. Aku taknak doa specific, aku tak sampai hati. Kalau kalau memang aku ada tulah Raden ke Pangeran Jawa keee.. tak pasal pasal je. Aku memang pemarah, tapi rasanya belom lagi tahap busuk hati..
Also, kepada sahabat handai dan juga penumpang penumpang yang kurang bernasib baik, naik flight aku dari 31 Ogos sampai 10 September haritu.. harap maaf ye kalau virus virus aku dah termelekat kat korang. Sungguh, tak disengajakan..

So I'll ask nothing..

Last month I wrote to myself; no lingeries for two months!
hmmmphhh!!!
Bloody Victoria's Secret and its offers..

 So my "plan" to save up failed once more.
In my defense though.. It's not completely my fault! I was born a girl after all.. and isn't it a fact that the female sex is weaker to temptations? (Ask Eve! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!)
Oh well.. not everything that I bought are for myself.

Things to buy once I get this month's pay (yes, I've already thought of it!); film scanner (I've looked it up at Low Yatt the other day.. I don't care, I'm getting one!) and an Instax for Izzati's birthday!
Apparently my niece is into photography as well.. and she especially loved my Instax after she had the chance to play around with it during our Raya photo-sesh. So I suppose it is my aunty-duty to encourage her...
sigh.. How do you get an 8-year-old to understand that photography is an expensive hobby though?

 Anyway... Nothing much going on lately other than my stormy mood.
I think I just need to stop having expectations.. Stop asking for things.. Stop dreaming..? hahahaha! I am going to sound nothing but morbid if I continue.
Oh.. hmmph.. Sometimes I forget what I want.

 #crewlife
I kinda made a lady cry before flight today. Apparently she and her husband and baby checked in late earlier so they were seated separately. I couldn't simply change their seats since she was at row 14; where the emergency exits were. Anyway, I left her for a bit while I attend to the other passengers board and looking for a place for her and her family. (It was a full flight from KK.. naturally!)

Just right before the door closes, I managed to talk two ladies into giving away their seats so this family could sit together.. and when I walked to the earlier lady to tell her the news, I found her crying! I asked the poor man seated next to her if he knew what was up and he confusedly shook his head. What's worse, that lady seemingly unable to hear me say that I've found her two seats for her and her family. (The git!)
Anyway, I went to her husband and asked him to get her moving so the two good ladies could sit down. 

Moral of the story?
Ask, and you shall receive. (Unless you're me, that is!) Tapi tolong jangan mengada nak nangis nangis boleh tak? Dah besau panjang koooot.. Kat public koooot.. isyk! She herself knew that they were late to check in. So? Nangis buat apaa? Salah sendiri kan? Buat orang susah hati je.. Nyampah!

Part Of Your World.

Sometimes my brain gets a little funny by having that The Little Mermaid soundtrack on loop.
Might be embarrassing (and slightly pathetic) to admit this but I've cried to it once.
I guess I couldn't help but still feel so foreign even when I'm with friends. An outsider. I suppose it's just one of those things that you get when you're so adamant to be yourself. A little side effect to your quirks.

I never wanted to be a simpleton. Maybe in the way that I live, but never in my mind. But I can't help feeling like there's a constant battle inside of me that I can't seem to shake off.

Being typical sends me the shivers and yet at the same time I don't want to be so different that no one could understand me!
But that's how I feel most times anyway. Different, even when I'm not trying to be.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here!
Maybe I'm saying nothing..
Or maybe that I wish that some days.. Or at least someday.. Someone will finally get me. Someone who is ever so willingly to accept me for whoever that I am, no judgement. Someone that I can truly be myself with without fear. Someone whom catches me even before I fall. Someone who wouldn't have left me crying by myself if crying is what I felt like doing.

I can't help feeling so alone these days.
Patience is not my strong suit and I'm so tempted to wander off..

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Hole on my foot.

Apparently I am more accident prone when I'm unwell..

Hello readers! It's been a while!
Happy Eid-ul Fitr to all of you who celebrates it! I hope you guys paid your zakat, and remember how many days you missed during Ramadhan. heh!

My Raya was alright. At least I got the first day off and I still manage to beraya on the second day since my flight was in the morning.
Which reminds me.. I need to get an alarm clock!
(There's a long story that I don't feel like typing out, but to cut it short; I had a morning flight, and during the night my alarm AKA my bloody phone -- hanged! Pffft!)

Oh wow it's been such a long time.. I've been to Jakarta -- where I stubbornly went to HRC by myself -- and back. Went to Perth -- and got Jojo's phone number! (Hahahahhahahaha!! Sorry, inside joke *wink!*)

All the while being sick too! Fever, flu and cough is a terrible combo. A really terrible time to be on flight too!
Dear parents out there, I pray that you won't have to travel with your babies on a plane. The helplessness of not being able to help a child clear up their blocked ears is simply heartbreaking.

Good thing about being too busy to blog though; you won't have to read me write like a manic cow. Because pretty much, that's what I've been lately. Bloody mood swings.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Encem since he's the usual victim of my tantrums, but most times... Not really! If he'd taken better care of my heart I wouldn't have to be all emotional and crazy! Hahhahaha!

Oh well, you're going to die alone anyway. I should really get the words engraved to my brain. Romanticism makes me pathetic. I don't know why I need anyone to take care of me when I should be able to do it anyway. sigh..
Sometimes I wish I wasn't too much of a girl that I am.

Illusions of grandeur shall ruin me.

(See? Mood swings..)

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Sampai mati..

You're supposed to be more patient in the Ramadhan month.. The Holy month.
Lebih bersabar.. Lebih pemaaf..
It's not just about refraining yourself from eating and drinking, it's also about fighting off temptations and doubling your good deeds.

Time ni jugak kau akan nampak orang orang hipokrit, orang orang yang kuat buat alasan.. And people who surprises you (which happens to be my personal favourite!)

Aku suka bila fly, ada Cina or Indian yang puasa sama ngan kau. Dia tau sebab yang Muslim tengah puasa, so dia pun hormat, tak makan depan orang..
Tak ramai crew macam ni, tapi ada.. Aku suka!
Tapi ada juga yang ala ala tak larat, pukul 10 pagi dah berbuka.. Paling hebat, tech crew! Pastu berani tanya aku dah makan ke. Macam ni ke kau nak jadi leader? Haihh.. Sedih rasanya.

Then ada orang yang macam aku, yang tak buat anything different dari bulan bulan lain selain daripada tak makan dan minum waktu siang hari. Amalan baik yang aku buat -- sama. Benda tak elok yang aku buat -- sama. So orang takleh kata aku hipokrit. "Tak makan saman", YESS..

Anyway, here's a confession.. Harini aku banyak gila mencarut. Tapi yang hebatnya tak satu pun terlepas kat mulut. Dalam hati semuanya.. Tapi apa beza dalam hati ngan kalau sebut, ye dak? Sama je tak elok.

Sungguh aku sakit hati harini. Sakiiiiit sangat. Menyampah nak mampos sangat sampai aku MALAS nak carik makan untuk berbuka. Masih dikira ke puasa aku ni pun? Whatever, aku mogok lapar. Perasan jadi Gandhi kejap.

Apakah kesinambungan orang yang kau sayang sajalah yang boleh buat kau menangis? Memang buat aku marah. Aku taknak sayang sesape dah, boleh tak??
Aku letih bila toleh kiri kanan, aku takde sape pun yang boleh kasi pinjam bahu kejap. Lelah hati tau taakkk??

Fedap aku sikit sikit camni. Kau admit kau sayang aku, and yet tak sekali pon kau support my emotional needs. What the hell is your problem?!! And yes, it is YOUR problem sebab last time aku check aku tak mintak benda lain pon dari kau.
And yet sampai hati kau biar aku terkonting konting kat sini.. Sampai mati aku ingat.

Benci. I hate myself for hating all these people! Aku letih!!
Sudah.. No more shopping for me. Aku nak simpan duit banyak banyak pastu nak pergi jauh dari sini. Gi mampos semuanya!

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The good life.

I am truly loving life at the moment..
Alhamdulillah..
It's times like this when I just can't help being grateful to the life I've been given.

Anyway, currently in Incheon. Indubitably feeling glad that I was blessed with this part of my roster. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for an awesome 738 trip! Hahahha..
Good things comes to those who wait, my friends. heehee

My set were so-so, but I am really enjoying the company of one of my stewardesses.
She's an awesome Pisces. I bet I won't get the chance to fly with her again.. sigh.

Oh well, my bags are packed. I miss the comforts of home. I miss Encem even though I saw him in KK the other day. I'm excited to show Dida what I bought for her and Kina's Kiddies! I am also excited about the two days off I am getting.
Hehehe I miss home!!! Hihihihi

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Fixation with Photography.

It may not have show in this blog, but I really do love photography.
Been crazy about it since I was young.
Funny enough though, I never personally own a digital camera! The Konica-Minolta I've been using is actually Dida's. (Like a bunch of other things that I "own".. hahaha!)

What I do have is a Nikon SLR, Supersampler, Fujifilm Instax 210 and recently added to my collection is a Spinner 360°. Oh yes, I'm a film-freak!
I know I should probably own a DSLR by now but honestly I just couldn't be bothered by it -- just yet. Too bulky to carry around, and the one small enough that I might like costs too much. (And yes, I used the word "cost" instead of "worth" because like I said.. I just couldn't be bothered by it just yet.)

I remember my first functional camera being a Kodak point-and-shoot that I bought for fifty Ringgit. It didn't even come in a box! I think I was in standard five or six.. Fifty ringgit required some weeks of saving. And getting the films developed was pricey too! (Still is, honestly.)

Oh well, it did the job back then.
When I got to high school I joined the Photography Club -- which means free pass to leave the class when there were "events" in the school. Trust me to find a legit excuse to skip class. heh heh hehh.

Then I went to college and got the Nikon FM10 while my friends got themselves a semi-automatic.
Playing with the settings and the cable release are just too funny sometimes..
Oh well, I love this camera. I have no idea how old it really is. I bought it in 2004 in a second-hand shop in Pertama Complex. It takes awesome pictures. Well, I take awesome pictures.. hahahha! I get a different feel when I'm using an SLR instead of a point-and-shoot. I have to say that I miss using this camera. I still have it with me, it moves with me each time I move into a different place but I just couldn't bring myself to carry it around where ever. But I'd bring it to Europe again if I get the chance, definitely!

The Supersampler and Instax 210.. Captures movements in four frames and looks like a Polaroid respectively. I find it hard to take awesome pictures with these since you require natural light to get the best exposure. The picture will come out too dark if you take indoors with the Supersampler while using the flash on the Instax gives out a pretty harsh light on the subject. sigh.

So anyway, I haven't tried out my new toy though.. I'm assuming that it needs natural light as well, so I've gotta wait until I'm doing some outdoor activity. hahaha!

Oh yeah... since I've bought a bunch of lingerie this past month, I am trying to tell myself that I have enough -- so NO LINGERIE FOR TWO MONTHS! huhuuu.. I should make it three, but I know I can't help a good deal..
Been thinking about getting a film scanner, so I wouldn't have to spend too much money on getting prints. It should be a good investment as I wish to resurrect my passion for photography..

Hey budak gemok!

Pantang betul aku bila orang pandang rendah cabin crew nih.. Nak je aku reply, "kalau kau TERE sangat, kau jadi la cabin crew!"
Tapi bila difikirkan balek, kalau aku dah menyampah kat orang tu, nak ke aku dia jadi cabin crew? Eeee yakeng! Tak sudi ye.

Oh well, time time camni la aku kene grow up, let go of my anger.. Aku tak rugi apa pun jadi cabin crew. It's not as if aku takde choice lain KENE jadi cabin crew. Dah aku memang NAK, so I just have to accept these low minded people. Kan? Work hazard katanya..

Sungguh aku bangga jadi cabin crew. I've never imagined myself being proud of a desk job.. "Woohooo aku seorang accountant!!" Hahahahhahahaha (no offence to the accountants out there..)
Everyone has their calling; and mine is to melayan pe'el passenger sambil jalan jalan tengok dunia.

Kalau lah aku tak buang masa dulu sambung study lepas SPM.. I wish I had joined the airline straight from school! But when I think about it, if I had done that.. I wouldn't have known some bunch of people whom had touched my life. Ramai kot..
My screw ups definitely turned me into the person I am today, dan sikit pun aku tak menyesal. Syukur alhamdulillah!

Alhamdulillah jugak sebab aku dah pandai bergaduh tanpa mengeluarkan kata kata kesat. Tak ke macam budak budak jadinya kalau bergaduh camni;
A: kau bodoh!
B: kau lagi bodoh!
A: manade, kau lagi bodoh la.
B: kau bangang!
A: kau lagi bangang!
Hahhahahahaha! Sampai esok tak sudah.. Oh well, I'm proud to say that my parents taught me better than that! Hahahhaahahahahaha

Adohai.. Kelakarnye time zaman skolah.. Oops! Dah terkeluar topik!

Anyway, later harini kene buka dalam aircraft lagi.. Tak best. But at least tonight I'll be in a hotel room where I won't be reminded of the emptiness at home.
But for now, I really should get some more sleep!

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