Sunday, May 27, 2012

A quick one.

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..So I finished the whole season of Once Upon A Time in three days.
I found myself daydreaming about it some days.
Mostly to try and recall all those fairy tales that I've been told when I was a child.
Watching the show.. confuses you a bit. I mean, Rumpelstiltskin is the Beast of Beauty and The Beast? hahahha.. I thought it was awesome. And they gave a reason to why The Witch of Snow White became the way that she is. Also how Grumpy became grumpy. Pretty good back story.
Anyway, if you're looking for a new show to watch you could try this one. (Revenge gets a little too soapy halfway through.)

Pretty tiring day, these past two days.
I was on airport standby in the morning, pick-up time was 0430. I got to the airport at 0520 and when I signed in, the system informed me that I'm required to operate two sectors to BKI -- reporting at 0730!
Good thing that the set crew was awesome, and my supervisor maintained my position in business class. hahahha!! Terasa disukai dan chantekk.. HAHHAHAHA!!

Oh, having totally unprepared for a nightstop, (sure I carried my garment carrier but I didn't check what was in there.. or more importantly, WASN'T!) I didn't have my pants nor glasses.
But all the more I feel blessed as a friend was nightstopping there as well and had an extra pair of jeans!
So yeah, Alhamdulillah..
Despite my day started in a crappy note, it turned itself around. I totally don't mind that I had to work on a supposedly off day.

Sometimes I wonder how it is possible that I get the life that I have when I don't seem to deserve it...
I'm a little too angry to be someone who appreciates life.
I suppose I'm just that forgetful.
Good thing that God is All Knowing and Most Gracious. If He were a man, I'm certain he'd left me a long time ago once he learnt all the things that goes through my heart and mind.

So anyway..
Alhamdulillah.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Kisah 43 Ringgit.

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Alhamdulillah gaji dah masuk.
Aku yang gatal ni haritu pegi keluarkan duit dari dalam bank, so dalam akaun ada 42 Ringgit camtu. Dalam purse ada 43 Ringgit, duit selebihnya ada dalam Moleskine. (Aku suka selit duit dalam buku, please jangan rompak!)

Al-kisah, pagi tadi dalam penuh kegeraman aku pegi airport untuk collect airport pass.. Sepatutnya pegi ngan Encem tapi dia takmo bangun dari tido. pffft!
So, teksi; RM8, ERL; RM15, airport pass; RM17.
Dengan tinggal RM3 dalam purse, aku doa doa ada lah RM10 notes kat ATM sambil menyumpah diri sendiri sebab keluar rumah tak bawak duit selit selit tu.. (Gaji kat Maybank dah masuk dah tengahari tadi, tapi aku CIMB so kebiasaannye petanglah baru masuk.)
Naseb baik ada, aku withdraw RM30.. lepas lah untuk naik ERL balek. And naseb baik jugak Bestie baik hati datang pikap dari Bandar Tasik Selatan.. heehee!

Alhamdulillah jugak semua urusan yang aku nak buat since awal bulan dah selesai;
1. collect airport pass,
2. update buku ASNB -- which is actually "Akaun Remaja TING".. hahahha! Ada since lepas Darjah 6, tapi langsung tak penah masuk duit, rekod pun masih ikut nombor surat beranak! hahahahha! (Surprisingly aku maseh ingat nombor surat beranak walaupun sebenarnya aku skarang banyak lupa benda),
3. report pasal kad Touch n Go aku yang di top up, tapi tak masuk walaupun dah kene deduct from akaun,
4. blablablaa.. cerita pasal kat bank lagi..
5. manicure-pedicure!! muahahahahha

So yeah, dari lima benda, cuma satu je yang tak official!
Rasa macam adult sangat harini.. Highlight of the day, dua strangers yang interact dengan aku arini teka tepat profession aku. Sorang mamat booth Digi tengah nak promote latest package kat area nak amek aiport pass, so takdelaa hebat sangat kan dia teka.
Sorang lagi pakcik customer service kat CIMB. Soalan dia simple je;
"Harini tak keje ke?"
W: tak, off day..
"Keje flight stewardess ke?"
W: ...ha ahh
"Nampak, dah tau.."

Hmmmmmm.. aku pun tatau la apa yang dia nampak. Aku pakai oversized tee, jeans ngan sandal. Mekap pun eyeliner bodo je, rambut aku semak ikat simpul tak bergetah. Kuku okaylaa, berwarna since memang baru je lepas buat. Tang apa yang dia nampak? Aku nak jugak tau, tapi tak pulak aku tanya..

Lately aku asyik terfikirkan leading yang buat aku gelak kuat aritu. Rasanya bukan sebab aku minat dia.. tak kot? hahahahha! Entahlah. Mostly aku just hoping dapat fly ngan dia lagi so aku rasa seronok bekerja. Or mungkin juga sebab aku janji nak kasi dia something. hahahahha

Haritu tiga hari trip, aku sorang pompuan.. sorang steward senior, sorang batchboy Cik Amyan, sorang lagi baru fly sebulan..
Kesian si senior kene banyak bersabar since the first two days tu aku maintain depan. Lepas dia komplen komplen baru lah last day aku keje belakang.
One thing aku notice pasal bebudak baru ni.. diorang ni extra extra EXTRA berani.. not in a good way. Aku tak nafikan, memang aku budak skema, take off ngan landing; silent review since day one sampai sekarang. Tapi yang sorang ni, first day dah tuding kat salah satu equipment dalam aircraft and tanya aku apa tu. Ayoooooooooooo!

Aku rasa out of place bila kat smoking room, aku dikelilingi crew senior while diorang tengah komplen pasal crew baru dalam set diorang. Aku rasa tak layak nak mendengar lagikan menokok tambah..
Tapi sekali terdengar nama budak yang aku penah fly sekali and proven to be bermasalah, aku tak dapat nak berdiam diri. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!! Yes yes, aku pun ikut mengumpat. Ntahpape ntah!
Baguslah bulan puasa takleh merokok. Kurang jugaklah aku mengumpat nanti. heehee.

Actually bila banyak crew baru buat hal, aku jadi risau.. Leading skarang banyak yang best, sempoi.. Aku risau ada nanti yang kene pijak and diorang jadi lain.
Dah tiga tahun dengan company, maseh banyak lagi Leading yang aku tak penah nampak pun sebenarnye.. So yeah, risau..

Anyway, birthday Encem bulan depan.. aku maseh tatau nak kasi dia apa. Well, actually haritu dah decided, tapi sebab dia buat aku menyampah siang tadi, terus aku tatau patut ke aku kasi apa yang aku plan nak kasi tu. hahahahha!
Ah, it's so apparent that I am ruled by my emotions.

Oh! Haritu masa aku kat Shah Alam, keluar ngan Dida gi karaoke sampai LIMA JAM!! wahahahahhaha!! Yes yes, kami memang melampau. Tapi sangat puas hati ye. Karaoke dua orang, sampai lagu yang tak penah nyanyi pun tetiba nyanyi..

Dua hari lepas aku tengah berjalan ke arah bay dalam terminal, tersempak ngan muka familiar.. Dia pun recognize aku, lambai dengan penuh mesra. Aku tanya dia nak kemana, dia reply;
"Bangalore lah, mana lagi?"
hahahahahhahaha!! Aku pun tatau la apa aku buat sampai passenger dari flight entah bila ntah boleh ingat aku. Selalu sangat ke aku buat flight Bangalore? hahahahha! Kalau next time dia ada dalam flight aku, I better remember his name. Tak aci lah aku just ingat nama mat saleh haritu je.

Oh ohh!! And for the first time dalam flight aku ada ex-schoolmate from sekolah menengah!! Siapakah?
IMRAN!!!!!!!!
Haaahahahahahhahahahahha!!
Aku dah ternampak dia dalam line nak masuk kapal. Aku perati betul betul gak, takut tersilap orang. Skali bila dia dah kat depan, dia yang cakap, "dah lain eh skarang.."
Aku tatau la apa respon sebaiknya untuk komen camtu, aku just cakap, "kaannn.." hahahha! Tak reti aku nak ala ala mesra sedangkan time skolah pun barely bercakap.

Sungguh aku kadang kadang masih pelik cemana aku boleh jadi cabin crew..

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Once Upon A Time..

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Is it any good?

As most tv shows have ran through their season, I am now in need of a new show to watch as I wait for the renewal of the shows that I currently follow. That's how I started with How I Met Your Mother, actually. Encem and I went through seasons one to six while the seventh was just starting..
And now the two of us and Bestie can't go through a day without at least one HIMYM reference. Gila!

It hasn't been very exciting, this past few days.
Got myself waxed, went to see the new shopping mall in Setia Alam.. went karaoke with Dida from 11pm 'til 4am last night! Then I got up at 4pm today!!
That was new.
I'd never slept that long. Dida reckons that it might be Monavie's doing. She's been telling me to try it out, and I guess that's what happens when I do.

Encem's birthday is next month.
I can't say that I'm not looking forward to see next month's roster. Mostly just to see where we'll be on that day. I'd spent the last two birthdays flying.. I can't remember how he'd spent his last birthday though. Perhaps next time I should blog about it.. after all it's the only way I am able to remember anything these days.

Oh well.. sorry for the boring entry.
I had something to write about yesterday but I was at my parent's place, so naturally now I'd totally forgotten what it was all about.

Friday, May 18, 2012

You make me smile.

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Yeah yeah.. I know I've been really quiet lately.
I even skipped a full day on twitter two days ago! ..which never happened before. I always had something to quip in a day but on the 16th.. I was absolutely quiet, I surprised myself.

Anyway, I'm sort of getting the wish I made a few blog posts ago..
My roster is really loose this month; two days of work, two days off, three days work, two days off.. Basically that's how my roster looks. And right now I am on my first day of three days off.
Super awesome.
Although I haven't gotten the chance to actually miss work.
And I know that I am not going to love the allowance I'll be getting, but I am not at all complaining.

Nothing much to update about, honestly.
I suppose I've been relatively happy. I usually write when I'm bothered anyway; when there are too many thoughts in my mind that I can't chase off with sleep.

Encem did try to convince me why I shouldn't be so sceptic of marriages yesterday. I thought that was amusing. He seemed to have this notion that it is more romantic to be married than not.
That he sees the good in me when I can't. (Reminded me of Fruits Basket somehow.. with Tohru and うめぼし)
Which is just great.. I suppose I could write down blind alongside crazy on the list of his "cons". (Which is also his "pros" list. hehe)
Sometimes I swear he sees me way too differently than what I see in the mirror everyday. Or maybe he hit his head hard that he'd forgotten all the bad things I'd done.
But I can't seem to forget. I know.. God knows all my sins.

I am thankful anyway.. I thank God everyday that I have Encem around to make me feel like I am wanted and worthy of love.
I am also thankful for you readers that made me feel like I mattered. That my life did not go unnoticed. Thank you!
Last but not least, I am thankful for creative song writers such as Justin Furstenfeld who writes melodies konon ganas tapi hati halus lyrically. hahahahha!

And could you be the one that's not afraid to look me in the eye
I swear I would collapse

if I would tell how I think you fell from the sky
My words, they pour like children to the playground
Children to the playground
-- Blue October

Alhamdulillah..

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Of weddings..

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Encem and I went to his friend's wedding yesterday..

Perhaps I'm just too messed up in the head but really.. going to weddings doesn't make me anywhere inclined to have one myself.
I suppose after years of being together with the same person, getting married would be a natural progression.
I suppose.

But do I want it?
Apart from making legal of what's illegal.. make an honest woman out of me, if I could be so bold.. I don't see why I need to have it.

A friend said last night that what I have with Encem right now is our souls finding home in each other.
It sounded real nice, I had to write about it.

I can't seem to shake off my natural rebelliousness towards society's expectation for a couple to be married.
If religion does not demand it, I'm pretty certain you'll be asking yourselves "why" as well.
WHY?
Simply because it's a natural progression?
If two souls entwine and chooses to be loyal and commit only to each other, why marriage becomes the natural progression?

I am not doubting that one day I will be married myself.. but maybe I won't.
I believe who ever my future spouse will be, he will have a really tough time convincing me why we should marry.

Falling in love is irrational.
Getting married is apparently a logical move, which to me sounds boring in itself.

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Peeta.

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Making acquaintances is easy.
But having a relationship requires work.
Or time.
You either work for it, adapt yourself to one another.. or just let it grow in time..
But then there's chemistry!
That's what I learn this past week. hehe

I had the awesome privilege of flying with this particular Leading that just makes work so enjoyable; the aircraft was our playground. We were joking, fooling around, laughing so much that even the tech crew stepped out just to see what's going on.
I got to see first-hand that laughter is indeed infectious.
And just how important it is for us crew to be happy -- to make the passengers happy. Truly.
I'm really all roses, candies and rainbows now. All the while I've been flying, I'd never laugh as much at work that I had to lean on the galley top for support several times.
So yeah, thank you God for throwing a Libra my way.

I also learnt that I could survive 3 sectors; 6 hours of work with barely 10 minutes of shut-eye! Not that I'd like to do it again anytime soon. It was nuts. Blurred vision, nodding off at landing.. nuts!
All because I was too immersed with a book.

And that's where the title for this blog entry came from.
I've finished reading the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. I had to buy the third book in Kuching since everywhere I went in the Klang Valley is out of stock! grrr.. (RM5 more expensive than it would've cost in KL!)
I enjoyed reading the book. I was surprised how the film really was following close to the books and then found out that the adaptation was by the author herself. It's brilliant. I think all films that are adapted from the books should be made by the authors themselves.. given that they are still alive, of course.

I thought the books were a little too serious for a children's book. It was about war.. revolution.. and death.. not exactly something you discuss about with children, but it was good. Kinda hoping for more of Peeta though. Some things were left unexplained in the third installment, Mockingjay. I really wish there had been more of Peeta. haha

I can't help being all perasan that I'm Katniss and Encem's Peeta. Not on the bit where they fight the Capitol, but the fact that Katniss sangat hati batu and Peeta's the taman dalam hati type. And how Katniss is brash and always over-thinking things while Peeta seemed more collected and simple.
It's just totally us.
And yes, I know I get all emotional and stuff in this blog that I don't really seem like the hati batu type, but I guess you just have to really know me. heheee..

Anyway, two days off.. Don't know how to spend it yet. I was hoping for a manicure but I was supposed to make an appointment a few days earlier and I forgot! Oh well, I guess I'll get to practice colouring my nails on my own then.

Goodnight!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A jumble of nothings.

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I know I've been quiet.
Even @azariazhar tweeted to me, sort of implied/encouraged/asked to blog. haha! Thanks for that.

To be perfectly honest, I was simply uninspired.
I haven't been flying for almost a week. I got two days off, followed by four days of standby that I wasn't called up.
So yeah.. I feel like I'm wasting away.. collecting massive fat!!

Remember a while back when I said I was at the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life?
Well, scratch that because I just got heavier. pffft!
Gemok, gemokGEMOKKKK!!!
But what frustrates me the most is that I am THIS heavy, but my clothes doesn't feel tighter or becomes out of shape; makes me feel that it's okay.. everything's alright..
But I am actually gaining weight!!!!!
SHIT!

Trying to make myself feel better; I'd like to say to myself that my fat has turned into muscle from all the cycling, but I know better.. I know how much (read: little) I've rode my bike.
As much as I'd like to say that I don't give a crap about the way I look -- I do care.
ughhhh!!
Let's move on, shall we? I'd rather not dwell in the idea that I might turn into Michelen one day.

It's payday today.
Funny how it's been a hot topic among my friends for the past week. It's curious how terrible our accounts are this month. I even had to use my stashed money. Good thing I have those in the first place. hehe. Bestie and I even had to change back our foreign currencies last week.
I personally like to keep them for future trips.
Oh well, I'm happy enough that I didn't have to ask for a loan from Dida. hehehe.. though the thought crossed my mind. (It's that bad, yes.)

I've recently just finished reading Paulo Coelho's By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. (It's a mouthful.) I find myself.. confused by the end of it.
The book started off with questions of love.. but by the end of it it's just something.. else. I think.
Perhaps I shouldn't have put it down so much. It was the book that I'd been carrying around during nightstops, but I didn't actually spend any time picking it up. ughhh.
Anyway, it was a good read; as all Coelho's works are..

..love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence.
-- Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

During the weekend I went to see two movies with Dida.
Wrath Of The Titans was alright. Although I must confess that I wasn't really into it as I usually would. Mostly because I was too confused with all the Greek-Gods movies that I've seen! Sure, this one is a sequel to Clash Of The Titans. But somehow I got myself confused with Prince Of Persia because Gemma Arterton was in both of the movies. Then there were Immortals which was also about a mortal.. fighting for the Gods!!
ughh.. So yeah.. I find it hard to simply focus on the movie and enjoy myself. hahaha!

Then there was Hunger Games.
Let's just say that I am SO getting the books the next time I'm at the bookstore! hahahahahha!
Sure, it's pretty much Hollywood's version of Battle Royale, but I liked it's play on emotions.. So yeah, I am getting the book!

Oh, I almost forgot to write about the potluck my friends and I had on the 19th!!
It was neat, we all rendezvoused at Mami's place and the dining table was glorious! Mami prepared the drinks, rice and vegetable soup, Mumu brought her blackpepper chicken and stir-fried veg, Encem brought his mutton curry, I came with my beef lasagne and Bestie brought a huge slab of brownies!

I tell you, we dined like the kings and queens that day!
We dubbed Bestie's brownies as "Brownies Jahat", because it was incredibly sinful, paired with the chocolate sauce that Bestie had also prepared from scratch and also vanilla ice-cream!
I'm so lucky to be surrounded by incredible beings..

Anyway, three more days to another rendezvous with friends! This time we're catching The Avengers at Pavillion!! (Yaaayy, excited for Pavillion because I can't remember when was the last time I went there. haha!)

Oh, I'm looking forward for Encem and Bestie to come back from their trips so we could play that computer game we played last night. hahahahha! They shall be sorry for introducing it to me..

And that is all from me for the time being..
Take good care of yourselves, my dear readers.

Friday, April 13, 2012

The third year..

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Pejam celik pejam celik..
Today marks the third year that I've been with the company.
Funny to think back how scruffy I was that first day. With the trainer looking directly at me and said how she believed that I must've put a lot more make up during the interviews, the bitch. (Yeah, up until today I hated the idea of seeing that lady. Mostly because of her naggy voice though. haha!)

Of course, comparing myself to Mami, she was like the rainbow. Yellow and green eyeshadow with pink lipstick. Perempuan gila. But she was pretty much one of the first friend I made. You see, that first day I didn't talk much and had absolutely no idea where I could go for a smoke! So yeah.. I didn't smoke at all that first day. But the next day Mami and I talked and she brought me to LaLa Land where Encem and the rest of the smokers were already hanging around.

I remember Encem was late that first day. Luqqy told the trainer that his car broke down but we later found out that that was a lie.. He'd simply overslept, which happened again during safety class. But of course, that time Luqqy said he ate something wrong the previous night so he's by the toilet having a bad tummy ache!
That was also his birthday, I think!
Encem and Luqqy always stick together.. even the trainers knew that.

On this date three years ago..
I simply had no idea what I was getting myself into. Never thought that I'd be where I be, or gone through what I'd gone through, seen the things I'd seen, met the people that I'd met.
I am remembering stupid things that happened while on training today..

Adi and I trying to see which one of us gets annoyed with the other first..
Encem saying that girls who smoke were sexy, that one time.. Ambik hati la tu, skarang suruh quit!
Mumu and I confessed whom we had a crush on to Bestie in the car ride to the commuter train.
Bestie and I jamming our air-drums and air-guitar to Bunkface while waiting for the train.
Mami telling us that she'd met Daddy long time ago but had only gotten close recently.
Adi's Angina Pectoris.
Luqqy always with a tissue to wipe his sweat.
Mumu and Bestie were convinced that Encem was into Mami.
Mami confessed that she'd met Daddy on Facebook! hahahahha!!
Staring contests around the table at Syed. sampai mata berair!
Toyol toyol in the exam room.. Our schemes to cheat off each other in front of the instructors..

Work-wise.. we are pretty stagnant. But I am thankful, nay, grateful that I joined the company when I did. Sure I'd probably be more stable now had I joined the company earlier. But I am grateful.
You know I'd never been about the money. Sure sure life's easier with it. I won't have to blog so much about the lack of it.

But at the end of the day, it's never the things that I own that I'm thankful for..

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Haro!

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I'm bored..

Currently in my hotel room in BKI. Just two nights ago I was in Melbourne. I got my Ice Break coffee fix; drank almost two litres of it during the 24 hours stay.

Melbourne was alright. Nothing much to do other than window shop. (Sengkek!) Plus it was Easter holidays, so the bike shops that I've heard so much about were closed. Pffft!

Bloody long flight, and my leader on the way up was the naggy type. You would think that the passenger's needs should come first but to her, it's for HER job to be done first. Oh well..

I pretty much spent the day walking around in the city all by myself.. Getting lost.. Found my way back -- until I bumped into the FO in the evening!
He showed me around the area. Good kid!

I was working in business class on the way back and boy was I glad to be with an awesome team! When I thanked them for their patience and a good flight, my steward said; you can't expect a baby to run with their first step, you let them stand first then walk...
I - just - LOVED - it!!
heehee.. Thank you God! Alhamdulillah..

Oh and for the first time the other day, I Googled a passenger! Hahahahaha! Stalker mode -- ON!
Well, I was curious because this particular passenger (Caucasian male, in his 30s) was on my 737 flight not too long ago, and when I offered him the immigration form he said he didn't need one!
Anyway, I suppose I'm a curious type of person -- when I do take an interest.

Other than that, nothing much going on in my life.
I couldn't get into my work Inbox because I took too long to change my password, so.. Padan muka. I'm going to have to write an email when I get back.. Maybe. Haha!
Recurrent next week. Not looking forward to going to class.
Airport pass expiring next month. Makes me sad, thinking that last year I had it renewed with Puyen. All my favourite work-people are in widebody now. Sigh.

Btw, Cik Saloma, if you're reading this, I am going to miss reading your blog! When you put it up as Private, terasa sentap kejap.. But I suppose I get it. Tapi sekarang terasa tak best knowing that I now have one less blog to read.
Good luck in your future endeavours, and take care!!!


Countdown to payday: THIRTEEN - FRIGGIN' - DAYS!!!
I pray that it'll be earlier than that..

Friday, April 06, 2012

Wind on my face..

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I enjoyed my short break from work. Wish it had been longer..
I kinda spent more than I have to, but I have no regrets! After all, I'd spend it on a bike!
MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!
Gaya hidup sihat, katanya.
As much as I'd like to join Bestie running around the park, I'm honestly not a big fan of running. hehe.

So anyway, I bought a bike right before Encem and I drove to Cherating!
And believe it or not, we spent two days there and not once did we even sat by the beach. Sangat rugi! ughhh
We went cycling at Sungai Lembing with a few friends instead. It was a murderous route for a beginner like me. Bloody hills. I turned white countless of times and was wheezing badly. (Thank you, cigarettes!)

But it was a fun day.. After the gruelling ride, we were rewarded with a cool dip in the river!
Wishing that I could have more of that in the future..


Now, on to work..
I find myself partially indifferent towards it. It's odd. Half of me is excited that I'll be flying to Melbourne tomorrow night, while the other half is wishing that I am still on holiday.

I wish to be on a break until I start to miss flying!
Boleh?

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Annual Leave.

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My leave started yesterday and so far, I'd done nothing much nor gone nowhere far.
I did however had a get together with the few of my favourite people on Earth yesterday. Just a typical gathering I suppose.. Just me, Encem, Bestie, Mumu, Mamita and Baby Ezra! heehee..
I'm pretty sure that if you'd seen us in Midvalley yesterday, it would have seem a bit odd. Five young adults pushing a baby stroller.

I don't know, it just felt weird. It still feels like when we were back during training days, but the fact is that Mami is now a mother of a 5-month old baby, Mumu is married and I am in a relationship with Encem. hahahahahha!
Just 17 days away to mark the third year we've been with the company. It doesn't feel that long.

I still remember how we used to have the mamak-session right after training, until 8 pm everyday.
Mami was sort-of single.. hahahha!
Mumu hadn't met her spouse yet..
Encem and I were just friends.
And Bestie.. well, Bestie tags himself as "forever-alone".


It's fun when the four of us who are still flying gets the same day off. So far we'd always do something together on that day. And next month's roster is kind enough to let us have two off days together. It's not consecutively unfortunately, but I'll take what ever that I can get! We're planning on a potluck at Mami's place and I'm pretty certain that we're all excited about it!

Oh I'm really hoping that I'll be doing something fun in the next few days...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Pulling heaven down.

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Serious shifts in mood, energy, thinking, and behavior–from the highs of mania on one extreme, to the lows of depression on the other. More than just a fleeting good or bad mood.
-- more on Bipolar Disorder.

mm yeah, if I were ever to diagnose myself, this would be at the top most of the list.
I did mention that I was hypochondriacal on the main page of this blog, right? Anyway, to be honest I do feel like something is wrong with me somewhere.. which is why I've always wanted to see a psychiatrist -- but never did. Mostly because I hate seeing any doctor!

This goes back to when I was fourteen; when I went to the doctor for a fever and a small lump at the back of my neck (which was nothing,) but then was told that I have a low haemoglobin count.
Anyway, it's a pretty long story but basically I came home with a bunch of meds (which I was supposed to take for a pretty long period of time, but ditched it after a few weeks!) and the knowledge that when I want to get married (assuming that we both plan to procreate), my future husband needs to get his haemoglobin count checked.
Hmmph!

Oh, I'm going away from my point.
My point is -- I prefer to be oblivious.. bordering on ignorant, maybe.
I need bliss, but to know.. If it is confirmed that I have an underlying mental problem.. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend the rest of my days alone. The thought of passing on my horrible genes is just.. scary.
So yeah, my manic mood swings is pretty unmissable -- which is honestly why I no longer write as much. I HATE seeing proves of my craziness.

I'm relatively happy as I write this. I'm grateful for the days that God has given me. Especially when I am feeling as full as the past few days. Despite being alone, I am truly.. happy.
Funny how I've been listening to Blue October and think that I want their songs in the background on my wedding day.. It's like.. so.. "APAKAHHH??"
hahahahha! Of all the things I can wonder about...

Oh, I had been at the training school this past two days learning English for the announcement rating -- which was awesome! May I rephrase; I was awesome! HAHAHAHAHHA!!
During the class, I mean. My announcement wasn't so great, I spoke too fast.. as always. Imagine how Lorelai and Rory Gilmore would speak to each other.

Anyway, two days off..
Dear God, please let me keep having this good feeling.

Friday, March 16, 2012

A thousand secrets..

It could've been a million.
Just words and lines I've kept from you. Things that I should have probably said to you but don't.
I am one but a small fracture in your mind.
..And heart.

I've tried my best to be the best person that I could be. Be the one that you'd want me to be.
But what's the point when you don't reciprocate?
All my efforts seem like nothing to you.
I seem like nothing to you.
I flew over the ocean for you, but you couldn't even spare a minute to speak to me.

Tell me, what am I doing here?
I wish you'd tell me that I am not wasting my time.. that it will all be worth it.. that I will no longer shed a tear for you.
But what's the point of that when you'd said it yourself; words are just words.. there is no real promise behind it.
So what am I doing here really?

I've made it too easy for you to toy with my heart.
I'd given you all that I have while you've given nothing back and now I am left with nothing.

You had once asked me what it was that I hid from you.
Well, there are a thousand of secrets.. could've been a million.
So this is just one of many..

You'd turned my love for you into regret.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

To borrow--

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..the words of Justin Furstenfeld;


Learning to love life by living through loss and mistakes
Lessons learned then gradually surfacing
Letting go, stripping naked to scream
I am not perfect, nor do I strive to be
I am alive in this world of face-first falls and public breakdowns
I'm a retarded, disfigured clown
Dying to be heard for the simple art of letting this heavy wall finally fall
I'm an equal being of no race or color
A hallucination if you will
Sneaking into the lives of strangers and letting them fall apart
To a new rhythm, just to feel better.




Monday, March 12, 2012

In a bad funk..

Moody.

I'm in that phase where I'm bored of work. (It comes and goes..) Nothing significant happened really.
Maybe that's why I'm plain bored.
Plus I've been feeling pretty lonely lately.
Makes me want to run far faaar away from here.
Kinda odd I suppose. The lonelier I get, the further away I want to be.
I really hate being so attached to anyone or anything. So yeah, whenever I come to a realization that my loneliness originates from the lack of the one that I've gotten used to have.. I'd take a step back.
Am I making sense?
Anyway, I feel like taking a thousand steps back.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing myself. Sometimes I am found.
Today I just feel lost. And hollow.
Feels like nothing or noone could ever save me from my dark, dark place.
I'd like to thank anyone who'd tried though. I am grateful to God for throwing them in my way. They've tried, I know. But maybe I was simply made to walk under the clouds instead of on them. Maybe I will feel this way my entire life. Maybe I will always have doubts. Maybe I will never have my bliss.

Been wondering if I should see whether the grass is truly greener on the other side. Funny how the people I know are leaving the job because of the things that's been going on with the company. I suppose it's true that Sags are loyal. To be really honest, with all the rumours that's been going around, not once had I thought to leave. Never.
But if I do leave....
It'd be because I got bored.
So bored that I had to run from life as I know it.

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

A jumble of what-evs.

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hmmm..
I find myself craving for IKEA's curry puff.
grrrr! I hate it when my hormones are going nutty!

Nothing much going on. Two days off after spending two nights in Kuching. Super early wake-up call -- not happy with that. But I was glad that the day's work ended at noon. So, pro and cons!

I totally cried watching Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. Come to think of it, I really don't remember which part made me so emotional.. But it really did make me cry.. several times. Perhaps the film was really touching, but menstruation just made it worse.
I've come to relate Sandra Bullock to my sister, Nina; beautiful, funny, kinda kooky, seemingly strong but somehow your guts is telling you to coddle her.
My mind's been working strangely these days.

I had to work with one of my not-so-favourite people in the airline on my recent trip. I don't know.. I never liked people who are loud. I just... HATE it, really. What, just because you're older and has more experience, it makes you so much smarter than everyone else in everything? This particular person wasn't mean at all, even quite nice really, but he's just the type that loves the sound of his own voice I suppose.
And I just can't stand that.
He just went on.. and on.. and on.. Sharing "knowledge".
SO glad that the trip's over.

Although, I did have a wonderful first day of the trip!
I was working in Business Class and my supervisor was awesome! (She'd always been awesome..) Even the passengers were great! I had practically full load in the sectors we did and everyone was extremely pleasant.
At one point, the overhead bin was already full and the nearest space we had was in Row 7 (business class ends at Row 4). My passenger didn't make any scene as he carried his bag to that compartment -- unlike most business passengers would.
And when we arrived, as I squeezed through the passengers to retrieve the bag, the passenger at Row 7 took down the bag for me from the compartment! Like seriously.. WOW! I was so amazed. I felt blessed! hahahha! (Which I am, of course! *wink!*)

Then of course, that night I broke the LCD of my phone when I accidentally sat on it as I got on the boat back from dinner.. ughhh!
Two nights without my Blackberry.. The screen was just blank although the system was running. And I could only remember my sister's and Encem's phone numbers! Well, good thing I remembered any, really.. So yeah, I blindly called Dida first to vent then laugh about my huge ass.
It had been two of the loneliest nights I've ever had since I started flying. hahahha!
Oh, funny thing.. because I couldn't see what I was doing, my alarm wouldn't stop going off. ha - ha!

So when I got home earlier today, I put away my things, changed clothes, look through my junk for my old Sony Ericsson, charged it a bit, transferred my simcard and headed out to Low Yat Plaza -- for the first time on my own. (Yepp, I didn't even remove my make-up! I purposely put on normal-colours on my face today anyway -- nothing rainbow-like.)
And now I have a perfectly working LCD -- also, RM 300 poorer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Memang babi.. Dan dan aku ingat bulan ni boleh saving, time tuuuu lah aku kena spend on a necessity! Mother-eff!
I guess I should wash my own hair for the rest of the month and forget the thought of getting a manicure. So unnecessary.

And so the fight to save up continuessss!! よおおおしょ!

Oh ye, lupa.. Pagi tadi change aircraft dengan Bestie yang sambil membawa handbag.. HAHAHAHHA!! Wish I had a picture of it..

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Update!
March 9th Just booked an appointment with a manicurist for my next day off.. Curse you, Groupon!!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Too much..

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Too much of anything is never a good thing..

I had the last three days off.. and now I am just so lazy to get to work tomorrow.. pfft!
Three days trip, HERE I COOME! *fake enthusiasm*

And I know I've said this before, but I'm gonna say it again; I really hate it when I'm just so used to having Encem around. pfft!
I am an addict, I tell ya!
Good thing that I'll only be away for three days.

sigh. Three days.
Oh well. I hope you guys are having a good week.
Oh, and, welcome to the familyCik Amyan.. Hope to see you soon!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Sedih.

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Happiness is temporary.
At least that's how I always feel anyway.
Maybe I'm just needy.
Point is, I'm disappointed.. I am always the one being forgotten. Or taken lightly of. And I have no idea how to change that!
So I'm disappointed.. Frustrated.. Sad.

Haritu aku fly dengan sorang tech crew yang membesar kat Shah Alam. Turned out dia pun skolah Raja Muda, panggil area Seksyen 16/17/18++ "Seberang", and agree that Bukit Jelutong bukanlah Shah Alam!
Hahahahhahahahaha!
Terhibur hati aku.
Banyak jugak aku berbual ngan dia. To a point where sampai sakit tekak gak la.

Sebenarnya aku tengah lelah hati. Letih.. Sangat letih...
Hari Isnin lepas buat empat sektor. Reporting 0735, abes keje 1755.
The very next morning aku start on trip empat hari.. (Malam ni last night di Labuan.) Finally esok balek rumah!

Aku sorang je pompuan (selain supervisor) dalam set. Letih. Hari hari memain flirt. Hahahhahaha! I know this is going to sound bad, but it's a bit boring to not be able to do anything more than just flirt.
HAHHAHAHHAHA!!
And I hate the bit where they seem to be more interested in me than my own boyfriend. Huhuuu.
Ye, saya tahu, saya perempuan yang lemah lagi fickle. Tralalalaa..

Anyway, balek trip esok.. Then lusa buat empat sektor lagi!
Roster aku minggu ni memang ntah hape hape. Aku simpaaan je dalam hati betapa letihnya aku sebenarnye. Sure, I'm writing this on my blog, but I'm not exactly twisting your arm to read it, kan?

Aku tak paksa korang untuk baca. And yet korang baceee gak blog aku ni.
So I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being curious, for wanting to know what's been going on with my life.
Thank you.
Sangat.
You have no idea..

Monday, February 13, 2012

Speechless.

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To not know what your next move is.
To be clueless.
To be speechless.

I realize that when something truly bad happens, I'd go completely still..
I wouldn't know what to do next.
What do I do next??

You know, "Hazwani" means pemberianku.. or "my gift"..
WHOSE gift????
Tell me, whose gift am I??
Because I sure don't feel like a gift.
Useless, more like.
Like one of those little crystal trinkets that you put in the display cupboards; they're pretty to look at, but completely useless!
I suppose some people do give out those crystal trinkets as gifts.. So maybe I am just that.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. Words failed me this time.
I just wish I could do something, is all.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

S08E14

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There are times in our lives when love really does conquer all
Exhaustion..
Sleep deprivation..
Anything.

And then there are those times when it seems like love brings us nothing but pain.

Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have,
Sometimes it's by losing ourselves in the moment,
and sometimes all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce.

I'm a big fan of Grey's Anatomy.
I suppose you should know that if you had been following this blog.
Honestly I am a fan of most things with a monologue. I find it most interesting when there's an explanation to why things happen. Or the thoughts that triggered something.
When someone does something, I want to know why they did it.

It's either that or that I feel like I am constantly doing a monologue myself. So I feel the similarity between me and Mer. Only her thoughts are more put together compared to my incoherent rambling.

Well, I'm home alone again.
Feels like I'm the loneliest I've ever been this month. Roster's been unmerciful I suppose.
I was the assist crew on my flight today and my Primary Two (a steward.. well, a stewardee really) held my hand so tight during take off. He said that he always get scared of take-offs on a 737-400. I didn't think much of it. His hands truly were cold.
I was mostly uncomfortable because the rings that I wore were pressing against my fingers so hard.

I am still missing Encem. Between our work and his trips back to Kuantan, I don't get to see much of him. His father isn't doing so good, so I am trying my very best to be the understanding girlfriend. Which I do -- understand. So I don't get mad. Just sad..
I could probably count the hours that I had seen him this month so far.
We spent a few hours just talking last night. I'd missed that. It's little things like that that reminds me why I am with him in the first place.
Why I feel the way that I feel.
Why I get so emotional sometimes to a point where I feel like I should check myself to a psych-ward.

Aaaanyway, I hope things work out for the best.
I know he's not feeling his best, having to be away from his father's side at a time like this.
Our job sucks... when it comes to these sort of things.

Speaking of fathers, I haven't spoken to mine in weeks. We had a little spat over some stupid thing and now, like always we're duelling with our egos.
Let's call it principle. Or stubbornness; it sounds much better than "ego", right?
My father is a stubborn man.
I'm just giving him a taste of his own medicine.
Let's just say that my stubbornness is my super-power. Be it a dark one, at least I'd seem cooler.
I do feel evil for talking to everyone else in the family but my dad.

Moving on, I am the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life!
"become a hot-stuff" -- MY ASS!
Weighing at 56.5 kilos with flabby everything, I am nowhere near to being a hot-stuff!
Encem says that it's a sign of happiness, since he too had gained a little weight.
Oh well, maybe I am.. Happy.

Just maybe.

I thank God for my present weightless heart and calm mind.
I thank God for words. Ones that flows from my heart to my lips and through my fingers as I am typing this.
I thank God for my life. The family that I was born into, the paths that had led me to my job, to Encem.
I thank God for my sanity.
Alhamdulillah..
 

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