My five days worth of post.. with so many thanks to Papa! ^_^
I'm losing my senses..

Thursday, January 16th My luck = crap!
So.. the everage of how much I cry is once every month.. Yeech! I hate crying but sometimes there's nothing else I could do.. and so, I cried.. +_+ Well, it was a pretty fine afternoon. Had such a good time with my friends. Hihhik! Me and my roomies planned on earlier to wear baju kurung, and we did! But somehow, I was the most out-of-place one. Why? Apart from my RED Converse.. (and Ana joined me on that part.. she wore her new Converse as well.. Hehh!) I also had my slingbag on!! AHHAHHA!! Yeaah.. what a waste of my good feminine side.. Hahhahha!! So anyways.. even when I had my classes, I still felt fine. I guess the highest point was around 12 to 2 when me, Ana and Fina had our lunch.. and later we told Sheeya to come down to our room and we all danced to that Ayumi's song Trauma. It was really nice!! Hihhihik! Had a reaaaaaaally hyper time. Went to Maths afterwards with a really tired EVERYTHING! Me and my roomies were horribly sleepy during class, we were all too tired from the dance. Can't quite make up anything Pn. Juliza said. ^_^
Aaaand came the time for me to get home. It was okay.. on the way back.. everything was reaaaaaaally fine. Until I got home!! It went absolutely the other way round. Huu.. I was really upset that I couldn't help crying.. Well.. not really 'crying' coz it was just for some seconds.. Hahhha!! So I shed some tears.. Hehh.. It was just that.. I thought of my luck.. and I guess it ran out on me.. (and you peeps should know by now how luck plays a BIG role in my life..) Yeaahh, I guess I shouldn't depend my everything on luck.. but it's just me! Qada' dan Qadar.. Rukun Iman, tu kan? Hik!
Hey.. just wondering.. have any of you peeps had any gay experience?? AHHAHAHA!! I know that some of you who read that line will be shocked. Hihhik! I'm not saying that I have.. at least I think I haven't!! aAaaAaAaA!! Scary, huh? Well, I do know that I've been listening to TATU - All The Things She Said too much! Demm!! I really like that song! But why does it have to be so lesbo? Huhh!! Those gurls were really daring and 'honest', huh? Did you know that they're just 17 and 18?? Jeng jeng jenggg! Well, the song has a good beat.. ^_^ So yeah, I had a pretty pervetish and 'dangerous' week (I played around too much with err.. pretty icky words, flirting around with the gurls and skipped under the ground floor's toilet -the shower cubicle- windows..hehh!) but I am NOT lesbo, okaayyy!! I'm sure of it! I mean, who would've pass out a thought of a hunk like Orlando for a gurl?? (Unless you're a guy, of course!) Hahhaha!! Well, I wouldn't! ^_^

Though, Avril's right. Guys ARE such a drag...! HAHH~!

Friday, January 17th It skipped so many beats..
aaAaAaAAaaaA.. had a sudden flashback of my school days.. Gosh, it was funnn! Skipping classes.. breaking the rules.. day-dreaming.. making rubbish.. Honestly! That's what school taught me! AHHAHHA!! Skip class.. yeahh! Did that plenty of times! I was in the Photography Club, so when I felt like skipping, I'd show my pass and said stuff like I have to go out to take pictures for the club. Hihhik! Did that in F4. Haa.. Pn Rosliza.. hihhik! Pegi dewan, nengok seniors amek results SPM. Konon amek gamba, sedangkan kamera pon tak pegang! And ade sekali, mase Dikir Barat competition. Nampak Finaaaaa! Hihhik! Then, on the magazine photo shoot.. skipped a whole 5 hours, walking around school to call out the kids from classes. Hihhik! And almost everytime, I'd be one of those kids who gets back into classes late after recess. Hahhah! Even when I was in class, I'd day-dream, doodle on my table or write letters to my friends. Hihhik! Gosh, I was never serious in school! ^_^ Selempang tudung, tak pakai serkup - pakai head-band kaler bright pink, kasut jarang sekali putih, kain sapu lantai, stokin kaler-kaler, pakai bangle, lipat lengan baju.. hihhik! Banyak skali kena tego! Main lastik.. belon air.. Hahhaha!! It was in Form 2, me and my friends were having so much fun with the water baloons when a teacher came up to us and told us to stop the crap 'coz we've been wasting loads of the school water. Hihhik! Still, had so much fun at school..! Learnt the ways on how to have fun!! Hihhik.. En Nazri taught the word 'bapuk lemau' in class and me and my sisters and cousins shouted the word in the Piala Malaysia finals (1998). Hahha! It was silly. We sat waaaaaay up the stadium but shouted ourselves hoarse anyways. Everytime Pahang players (I think!) acted as if they were fouled by the Selangor players, we'd scream BAPUK LEMAAAUUU!! at them.. Hehhe! And the people around us would laugh along. ^_^ Gosh!! School is so much fun!! Hihhihik!
Humm.. don't you think it's odd if you kinda had your thought on someone and suddenly that person calls you up? Hehh! ooOoOooh.. freaky coincedence!

Current song : From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart by Britney Spears
~ "Never look back" we said.. How was I to know, I miss you so ~

Saturday, January 18th Hoaa gosh.. Orlando is cute!
Maaan! I was doing some stuff on the computer when I turned ntv7 on.. and there was the making for LOTR again! And I can't help shouting how much I love the film!! And I want to see it again!! Both the making, and the movie! I want to see it again.. again.. again.. again and again! Again!!!! Eeeeeek!!
Eyh? JC's going solo?? Hummm.. my my... this is as mighty silly as Justin's first single! Ekkekke!! (listening to Rickdees~! Hihhik!)
Demm.. what's this? Humm.. some may disagree with what I'm about to say here.. but, f*ck feelings!! I wish I'm still in my tween days, when I don't care about love. What's love huh? Crap, really.. I wish my mind still tells me to put my shoe print on every guy I see! 'Coz I really should!! Yeahh.. my equation, guys = trouble, love = crap/sickness! Okay, I take that back. Honestly.. the world would come to an end if there's not even a bit of love, 'aight? But I'd like to state here that I do hate my current life! Everything is just so wrong! So horrible! I can't even trust myself in making any decisions. I feel like I'm losing myself.. Falling into a void, where I'm alone and no one could reach.. If only caring is the last thing I'd do.. But the fact is, even if you break away from someone once special to you.. Even if you stop seeing 'em, stop talking to them, stop talking about 'em.. it won't stop you thinking about 'em right? It won't stop you from caring, 'aight? Does it stopped you? It doesn't stop me.. even when God knows how much I want to. Wish I don't have to stop, 'coz I'm pretty much fine with the way it is. But someone else is making me want to stop. Maybe he wished that I would.. And I probably should..

I need you to hate me first..

Sunday, January 19th Gloomy Sunday
Come to think about the telly. Hihhik! If you're a Gilmore Girls' follower, what do you think? Should Rory be with Dean or Jess? Dean is always there.. the one Rory can count on.. the one that'll always be there for Rory. While Jess, he's a punk! Really.. but he's interesting! He surprises Rory.. he do care for her, and it's impossible to get bored when he's around! Humm.. telly can really make some think, huh? And I remember this time in Roswell when I cried 'coz the 'future' Max asked Liz to make the 'current' Max to fall out of love with her. Easy to make someone fall in love, but what does it take to make someone fall out from it? That kinda suxX huh? They were supposed to 'meant-to-be' but someone told 'em to fall out of love for the safety of everyone. Humm.. is it right to sacrifice your happiness for someone else's? I can't remember when was the last time I acted unselfishly.. Hehh! I don't know.. I guess I do what I want most of the time.. Hehh.. rebelling really suits me. Do what I want first, and deal with the concequences later. Seriously.. if we keep thinking what others would think, you're going NOWHERE! So take the chances and deal with it later! Contoh macam Wanie dulu.. keluar ikut suka ati.. Balek umah kena marah, kekadang kena grounded, but what the heck! At least I had some moments of fun that lasts for a lifetime! If I stayed home, and do as I was told.. I wouldn't even had THAT happy memory. ^_^ Just something for you peeps to think about.. But of course, not everyone thinks as the way I think!
So anyway, months ago I came by this interesting article about a 'haunted' song. It's an old song called Gloomy Sunday. The article said, that since the original version came out, a series of suicide had occured and their death note usually contains some parts of the song. So, the original version was banned. Though, since then.. some singers have remake the song, and added another verse to the song so it won't sound too 'dark'. Humm.. lyrics and verses really intrigues me, and I have to say.. the lyrics was NEAT!! Ahhaha!! No.. no.. I don't plan on commiting suicide anytime soon but the lyrics was nice! ^_^ If you have Kazaa, you can search for the song.. but take note that the original version was banned! (I couldn't find it anywhere..) But heyy, if you do download it.. be careful! The remake may still be haunted! ^_^
This is the lyrics for Gloomy Sunday. The very last verse was the extended version of the original..

Sunday is Gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows, I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts of ever returning you
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy is Sunday, with the shadows I spend it all
My heart and I have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles and prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep, let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream, for in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you

Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and find you asleep in the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope that my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you, how much I wanted you

Monday, January 20th I love you so!!
My Papa is so sooo cool! I love him so soo much!! I wish I'd die first before him.. don't know what I'd do without him!! God, I really really need him to be around! I don't care if he gets mad at me.. it usually starts from me, anyways! God, the next time I diss anything about my dad, please dash that out. I say stuff that I don't mean when I get angry.. ^_^ Haaa.. I remember the time when he hit me with his belt.. piat telinga Wanie.. Hahhaha!! I was the naughty one! I think I had the most lecture from him.. ^_^ But I love him anyways! I think, the thing that make me love him so much is that he's kinda strict, but he didn't really restrict the things I wanna do. Like.. he doesn't mind me going out, but not so much.. Let me make friends with everyone, just don't let myself get too carried away. Hehh! I have all the freedom I need! He may mess around with the things I like.. not giving me the things I want.. But he'd always provide me with the things I need. ^_^ Thank you.. thank you.. thank you!! Papa would usually let me think what is right for myself.. even when sometimes I need him to tell me what to do! Hihhik! Can't remember when was the last time he brainwashed me. Hahhaha!! Thank you Papa!! I thank you so much for the freedom you've given me! I think all parents should be like that.. Strict, but don't take away their child's freedom. I mean, tengok ajelaa.. some kids, bila jauh dari parents jadi rosak. Cuba macam-macam. Kenapa? Konon nak rebel sangat la tu, sedangkan sendiri yang rosak. Hihhihik! I don't know why, but I've been talking like I am sooooo smart these days. Hahhaha!! ^.^ Y'know, one thing about my dad.. well.. some things, actually.. ^_^ He takes me and my sisters to watch the football at the stadium, joked around (even make himself silly at times!), hugs us and hold our hands.. and just yesterday morning, he got himself excited in front of the telly when Ultraman was on! Hahhaha!! It was so silly!! He actually went "ooh" and "aah" as Ultraman fought with the monster! Hihhihik! Well, that's my Papa! ^_^ Sorry if you got bored with the story of my dad.. I just feel like sharing.. ^_^
p/s Rebelling is one of the important essences in a teenage life. Getting yourself mad at by your parents is fine. You need to make some points to your parents sometimes. Especially if it has to do with your own freedom. You're not going to live with your parents forever, 'aight? You gotta break free and explore YOUR life.. Just as long as you don't get yourself killed! ^_^
Aaaah.. had a small talk with my dad this night. I asked him how he feel about Nina getting married. And he said he's a little torn. Huuu.. the look on his face.. I thank God that I won't be getting married anytime soon! Hahhaha!! I'd really hate to see that look again. And y'know, he actually just found out that I've broke up.. and know the thing that came out from his mouth?? "Yeaaaaaay!" AHHAHHA!! Gosh!! My dad can get so hilarious at times. And he open up his story.. I should set out my priorities - yes I have, thank you.. I should be free, not restricting myself with those sort of bonds at this times - I know, I know.. He's not going to let me get married anytime soon - (which I laughed out loud) of course, I don't intend to get married anytime soon!! HAHH~! Papa.. Papaa.. that's my dad. He doesn't restrict me to have a boyfriend, but prefers that I stay alone for the time being ^_^ I've been mixing business with pleasure all my life, it's hard to stop now! AHHAHAHHA!! oOoOo yeah, Musz, remember this? Hidup mesti lepak, study biar gempak, cinta jangan hapak! AHHAHHA!! Those novels were cool, weren't it? ^_^ Hihhi.. me and Musz used to chant those words (which was from a series of Malay novels) when we were in lower high school.. though, we only get the first part right.. Hihhik! We were lepak, alright! ^_^
So anyways, went out with Hanis yesterday. Feels real good to go out with an old friend. Being able to pour my heart out to that some people I care about, and cares about me as well. Hanis, you roxX!! Musz, I am missing you even more everydaaayy!! "I want you.. I need youuu!!" <-- Make this sound a lil' horny.. HAHHAHHA!! Gosh! You guys are the bestest friend I can possibly have! Even when you guys annoy me, I love you two anyways! Hihhihik!
I tried to do that list of changes in me some days ago.. and I'm stuck! It's like.. I see loads of different people everyday, and I seem to change when I'm around those new people only! When I get back to my old surroundings, old friends, I went back to my old self. When I'm away from those new people I know, I am.. plain ole me! My sisters always said that I was mean, and now that I've cared less about the world.. I've become my old mean self again! Hahhaha!! It's like.. I've been practising to compromise months ago.. and now I've stop practising, I forgot how to do it again! Hihhihik! So.. better get away from me, 'coz I might just give you a cold look the next time you see me!! Hihhihik! My smile is so fake, sometimes. Huuu..
A smile is just a smile.. a form that creates an illusion of happiness. It may not reflect the true feelings of one who smiles. Same goes for words.. They're just alphabets that were mixed together. There's no truth in words.. people lie with words when they need to hide their feelings from others. And sometimes, even to themselves..
It's another new week.. wonder what's up for me for the week. Will I be happier? Or even more sappier? AHHAHHA!!

Current song : How Could An Angel Break My Heart by Toni Braxton
~ I wish I didn't wish so hard.. Maybe I wished our love apart ~

Fate is a complicated subject
I am seriously confused!! Aaaaaaakkk!! It's like.. I don't know what I want!! It's like.. I'm rebelling with my own self! AHHAHHAA!! Funny.. usually I'd rebel FOR my own self.. HAHHAHAA!! This is new! Never thought that such thing is possible.. Hihhihik! Klakar.. klakar.. Anyways.. wished that it would rain tonight.. but right now, it's the last thing I need. Hihhihik! Me and my complicated way of thinking.. Demm!! I left my poem at home.. Hahhaha!! I did this silly thing 'coz I was a bit crazy with rhymes this one day.. and I think it really reflects my feelings! Well.. it reflectED the way I felt at that time.. ^_^
aaAaAaAaaaAaAa!! Demm, I have two crazy roommates.. and really good at RPG!! AaaaAAaAA!!! Tak tahaaaaaaaaaaaannn!!

Look through the window to see what's outside
All I see is shadows of the night
I try to read what I feel inside
I see nothing, too dark and no light

Hmph! Maybe I was a lil' bit too mean.. Hik!

We stroll along together..
AaaAaAaa!! Why is it amazing that some guys can sing really well, and it multiplies if they're doing it in accapella?! Ahhahahha!! Demm.. I hate it when I get so sappy.. Ahhahha!! Okay.. now I'm getting myself scared..
Anyways, I probably won't be talking much this time around.. I find that writing sooths my mood better than typing.. ^_^
Well.. we'll just see what the future holds for us.. aight? Supposedly it's a long way ahead.. ^_^

Forever is just a word.. nobody lives that long, anyways!

Pardon me again..
Hihhihik! Been fooling around with my friends today. I have to say, that today seemed a bit better than yesterday. My eye still itch.. and red.. and hurts a bit.. But I have my friends to get it off my mind. ^_^
We played around with that envelope we have to buy for the lecturer. Hehh! I think it's supposed to be an informal letter's envelope, 'aight? But we've been messing around with it.. We wrote silly stuff on the envelope. Sheeya wrote "senyum sebelum buka", Fina wrote that rhyme about pecah kaca pecah gelas.. Ana wrote "thanks Mr Postman".. BJ wrote "wallimatul urus" and I doodled some love shapes on the envelope's flap. Hihhihik! Had a good laugh about it all.. ^_^
Anyways.. Gotta run.. Gonna have my submission this afternoon..

Tomorrow's Thursday!!

I was silly then.. I am silly now..
Humm.. I think I know what I should do during the weekend! Other than participating in Nina's preparation.. I think I should list down the changes in me.. and the things that's in me since old times..! But then.. there's a possibility that Hanis is coming back for the weekend.. and that means, I can go out!!! Hahhaha!! I need to walk around anyways.. gotta find something for Nina's wedding.. Hihhihik! Hanis, jom nanti kita masuk Blush! Hahhahhaaa!! Maaaan! I don't know what's up with me these days but I'm getting pervertish like Fina and BJ! Eeeeek!! Hahhahha!! I guess I've been spending too much time with this girls.. Hihhik!
Oh well.. finished my Fundamental.. and I'll have my Graphics at 9. Better get my beauty sleep now, 'aight? Hahhaha!! Will never get to that 'beauty' part.. Just hope that my eye will get better in the morning.. It's starting to hurt again.. +_+

Every song tells a story.. One of them might be yours..

You're dumb!! And I'm even more dumber..!
AHHAHAHHAA!! I'm really laughing my head off! Something just made my heart tickle! Well, it's a two-way thingy really.. but I'm looking it through the silly side, first.. So I'm laughing about this first.. ^_^
Had my shower with Ana this evening.. funny!! I never thought that playing with the water is possible between two cubicles! Hahhahaa!! But that was what we did! ^_^ It was entertaining.. 'coz we talked and talked and talked.. And guess what! Ana angau mase time mandiiiiiiiiii!!! aaaAAaAaaaAaaaaAaAA!! I never thought that it was possible! AHHAHAHA!!
Haaaaaa.. anyways! Hihhihi.. I really need to get this over with.. Kelakar laa.. I was merely exagerrating how I feel.. I was fine then, I am fine now.. Heehee~! I'm amazed that I wasn't as insignificant as I thought I was! Hahhaa~!! Oklahh.. I'll get over it.. I'll let go.. Hahhaha!!

Hehh.. sorry that I was dragging it all along.. ^_^

Yeoowww!!
Huwaaaaaaaa!! Everything's not right today.. I wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's start off with the morning.. a bit of a re-cap here. I woke up, feeling something's weird with my left eye.. Later when I was on my way for class, I had a real stomach pain. Such a torture that some sweat was involved during that period of pain!! Then in the afternoon, as I was in Maths.. I was bothered by measly, teeny weeny stuff in my heart!! Which of course, leads to a messy mind!!! Blueerrghhh!!
Later in the evening, that weird feeling in my eye grew red.. and it's getting bigger!! And it hurts like h*ll!! It's such a bug!! Huwaaaaaa!! And my mom, suddenly turned into a real joker, said that I.. "intai orang berak kut"!! Hahh!!! Pandai lak Mama buat lawak ekk..! And a bit more later, I had my first accident in this trimester!! I was walking with Fina, down the steps at HB4 towards the foodcourt. And since it rained earlier.. my foot slipped..!! Guess what happens next.. of course I fell!! Urrghh!! Such a pain to my cute butt! AHHAHHA!! Minus that cute part, please. It really hurts!! Huwaaaaa!! My hands hurt, as well with my butt!! I get this teeny weeny cut at my left hand. And the amazing part was.. in that tiny cut, there was actually a particle of sand! Can you imagine.. having a particle of sand in your cut????? Urrghhhh!!
And I haven't even started my Fundamental.. God!!! I haven't had a single happy news for weeks!! Please save me from this miserable feeling.. Take me away from this horrible situation.. Aaarrrghhh!! December and January are two horrible months for me!! AaaAaAAaAAAaa!!! Wish I could go back to the last three months.. I wish I haven't even started!! I WISH!!! I feel so horrible... and there's no one I can turn to.. This is such a bad day...

Refuse to let it fall apart
As now I lay alone in my bed
Feels so hollow in my heart
But so many questions in my head..

Tongue-tied
Excuse me.. is there ANY way I can erase the things I have in my mind? Demm, I am SO tired of thinking of stupid.. stupid stuff. Yes, I admit that I've been thinking about stupid stuff lately.. Stupid me! It's stupid and my stupid mind STILL wants to think about it! How thick can a person get?? Urrghh!! I feel like such a sore loser! I gotta let go!! Hihhi.. I banged my head on the table in Maths just now. My heart kept whispering the stuff I'd LOVE to forget.. Huuu.. so tired... can't even concentrate what Juliza said.. but somehow I did get the lectures.. Hehh.. lucky me.
Kenape rase cam tengah exagerrating stuff ek? Am I? I was fine then.. So kenape skarang cam rase lain? Mengade nyeerrrr!! Menyampah kat diri sendrik. Kadang-kadang rase okay.. my mind, clear from any irrelevant stuff. Tapi kenape ade some points, I just can't bare!! Penaaaaaat... I'm just so tired of all this crap.
Wondering though.. will this point of my life change me forever? I know I've changed from my old self. And I know somehow I can't get back to where I was from.. Trapped again.......

Current song : Don't Speak by No Doubt
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Yikes!
I don't know.. something's going on.. something that shouldn't be happening, but I kinda want it to happen.. but it shouldn't! Hahhhaa!! Sorry if I got you confused there. Well, something's not right is happening, someway.. and I hope that all will be fine.. ^_^
Kinda crappy morning, today.. I had a stomach ache, and a really bad one.. Y'know, it hurts even more when you move.. So this morning, I felt the sweat on my forehead as I walk towards lecture. It was demm painful!! Aaaarrrghhhh!! And the ache lasted for a whole hour!! I really really hate stomach pain!! And probably I should get worried.. I've been having it pretty frequently these days.. Huuu.. +_+ And probably it's coming back.. shit! Rase cam nak buang perut ni kejap!
Funny how I've been telling people to do what they want.. when I myself am not doing what I want.. Probably 'coz I don't even know what I want....

Can you please tell me what I want?

Aaaaah! New song!
Hehhehe.. I got myself listening to Vanessa Carlton now..

Pretty Baby

You light me up and then i fall for you
You lay me down and then i call for you
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few
I’d let it all come down and then some for you

Pretty baby don’t you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can’t you see
You’re the one that i belong to
I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you’re the sun that breaks the storm
I’ll be alright and i‘ll sleep tight
As long as you keep comin’ round, oh pretty baby

And i know things can’t last forever
But there are lessons that you’ll never learn
Oh just the scent of you it makes me hurt
So how’s it you that makes me better

Pretty baby don’t you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can’t you see
You’re the one that i belong to
I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you’re the sun that breaks the storm
I’ll be alright and i’ll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin’

Why can’t you hold me and never let go
When you touch me it is me that you own
Pretty baby oh the place that you hold in my heart
Would you break it apart again…oh pretty baby

Pretty baby don’t you leave me
I have been saving smiles for you
Pretty baby why can’t you see
You’re the one that i belong to
I’ll be the embrace that keeps you warm
For you’re the sun that breaks the storm
I’ll be alright and i’ll sleep sound
As long as you keep comin’ round

Pretty baby why can’t you see
Pretty baby don’t you leave me
Pretty baby why can’t you see
Pretty baby don’t you leave me
Oh pretty baby, my pretty baby, my pretty baby
Don’t you leave me

tralalla.. tralalla.. i'm so bored, i can hit my head with the keyboard
tralalla.. tralalla.. what's up with my mind, can't stop with this rhyme
AHHAHAHHAHAA!! yeah right...

I must be losing my head again..
I really hate it when this happens! Someone please stop me from listening to this song!! Please get my head think about something else! I really need to make myself busy!! I hate my thoughts!! Pleaaaaaseee!! Hellppp!! Huwaaaaaaaa!! I'm trapped by my own little mind.. Can someone please help??
Geramnyerrrrr!! Insignificant again! Arrghhh! I was alright just now, but what happened? I just HAD to think about minor.. measly.. unimportant stuff!! Why?? Because I was born as a girl.. and a sensitive one at that!! Why?? Because it's my destiny!! It was fated!! Why?? Because THIS is what I have to go through.. THIS is my life!! Urrghhh!! *Demm!!* I am so very tired of thinking... I wish everyone would stop their lies and start talking through their heart.. Our minds can be deceiving. It hides away what your heart really feels and that's a GREAT problem.. Huwaaaaaaa!! I really do hate my thoughts!! They're so weak!! I wish.. I wish... I could be someone else for at least one day! I need to be someone with a stronger mind.. instead of a stronger heart! Why the hell do I listen to my heart!! Why the hell can't I listen to my mind while everyone else can?? WHYYYYY??! Demmlahh.. there are just some days when I hate being me...

"Telling my heart I didn't need you.."

The more I think of it..
The more I think of it.. the more relaxed I get. Of course it made me realize how I feel about stuff.. but it made me look into it through a very open mind. ^_^ In the car.. this morning.. I had a sudden rush of flashback.. Something in my memory, not so distant. It was a good time. One of my highest point in life.. and know what? I just smiled!! I mean.. not even tick in my heart that I was regretful for it all has changed. Aaaah.. I'm so proud of myself!
But of course.. weird enough, everytime I get back to MMU.. every single good feeling I have 'collected' during the weekend just fades away.. Sad, really..
It's like.. I don't know! Bad karma!! AHHAHHA!!

"It hurts that you chose to lie when the truth was obvious, hunn"

An upset..
Huuu.. I am so frustrated!! I could've upload my webby this week! I did the page I wanted at home.. but now.. I can't open the disc!! Huwaaa!! Hours worth of work.. and my home-written blog.. All.. gone to waste!! Huwaaaa!! Sedihnyelaaaa... So.. my spirit has dampen a bit since this morning... Huuu..
But come to think about MDF this morning.. Hehh! Brought a smile to my face. Why? Mr John said that my studies was pretty good!! He didn't comment so much on mine!! Hahhahaaa~!! And the lift incident this morning.. Hahhhaa!! I feel so silly and stupid.. and embarassed.. Though.. not really embarassing.. but it was mostly stupid. Hihhihik!!

Maaan!! I want my files back you demm disc!! Urrghhh!!

Buduh punye disket...!!!!! Tapi takpe...
Today's Orlando Bloom's birthdayy!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ORLANDO!!!!!

demm..demm..disket!! Huwaaa!! All work.. gone!! DEMMMMMM!!!

Kickapoo Joy Juice.. The Original Joy Juice Recipe
Hehhe.. going back home! Going back home!! Hihihihik!
Spent the whole day going from classes to classes.. And hour of Maths, then one hour break, two hours of English and another hour of Maths. Surprisingly.. I really concentrated in all of my classes!! Hahhahha!! I shocked myself today.. so yeah.. more notes, less doodle just MIGHT work after all! ^_^
Honestly, I have nothing much to say right here. I mean.. my head was really into something meaningful for once! It's just.... amazing! Hahhaha!!
And ohh!! I think, going to the toilet alone at half past 5 in the morning is waaaaaaayy to creepy!! Huhuuu!! I didn't even looked at the mirror when I got out from the cubicle.. I'd hate to see any other reflection than mine.. or maybe a shadow right outside the cubicle door.. aaAaaAaA!!! My imagination ran really wild!!
aAAaAaAaA!!! I'm really really blank right now!! All in my head is just.. "do Fundamental.. kalau rajen buat Maths skali"
And yeech!! My English is so sloppy these days!! I mean.. I was talking to Juvita and Avi.. and it went horrible!! Bluerrghh!! It's getting reaaaaaaally rusty!
Gosh!! I realize that I love being 18!! You can't imagine how much! I mean.. it's like.. I'm still acting childishly and all that.. but as I turned 18.. I learn about SOOOO many stuff! I mean, it's impossible not to appreciate them! You peeps might not understand what I'm trying to convey here.. but I feel so.. I don't know!! There's a feeling of preciousness in this life! If I weren't given the chance to live up until this day.. I would've probably died in stupidity. So little things that I learn. But now.. it's like.. I've learn loads of stuff about life, and it's truly cool!! It's just.. amazing!! ooops! Sentimental again, I noticed!
So anyways.. gotta pack up now! My dad is supposed to come by in 10.. later peeps~! Have a neat weekend!!

A different kind of like.. but not the kind of love..

I am such a girly!! Eeeeew!!
Hahhaha!! Honestly.. I'm just bored.. and start opening up silly sites...! Huuummm..... so I'm just going to put this here..

Aries (March 21 to April 20)
The sign of the ram, but a ram has three possible personalities, domineering, innocent or easily lead. Typical Arians are aware, adventurous and seek constant adventure. Sometimes in their eagerness to be noticed, an Arian can be brash, rude or selfish.
Taurus (April 21 to May 20, 21)
The sign of the bull. Taureans are typically headstrong but very loyal with it. They do tend to dwell on wealth and social status, their own and other peoples. With a constant battle to keep up with the Jones. Although whatever a Taurean wants to achieve, they will strive for until they get it.
Gemini (May 21, 22 to June 21)
The sign of the twins. Gemini's are usually bright and quick witted, the old adage of two heads being better than one ?. They do enjoy making use of their intellectual talent, be that at work or play and most have either a creative streak or an interest in the arts, but their eagerness to complete more than one task at a time means that nothing gets done.
Cancer (June 22 to July 22)
The sign of the crab. Cancerians are tender loving and kind, they also have immense sympathy for those less fortunate than themselves., which in turn makes them very emotional people. A Cancerian will gladly sacrifice something they love for the ones they love. They are very homey people, preferring a quiet night in to a party.
Leo (July 23 to August 22, 23)
The sign of the lion. Leo's are forceful, demanding and sometimes bossy, but despite this they also have a generous nature, when need be. Leos like to be the centre of attention all times, and are prone (if need be) to draw attention to themselves. They have much respect for family life and children and admire others who do so too. Leos are very big on Authority, but deal with all situations with integrity and fairness.
Virgo (August 23, 24 to September 22, 23)
The sign of the virgin. Typical virgos are supposed to be pure wholesome and good, but this is not always the case. Be sure for every 1 true virgo, there are 3 who should have been a leo. A place for everything and everything in its place, that is the organised life of the virgo in a nut shell. Virgo are very industrious and enjoy dissecting large quantities of information and analysing it.
Libra (September 23, 24 to October 22, 23)
The sign of the scales. Librans typically need balance and stability in their lives to be completely happy. The slightest upset, will upset them. Librans hate to be mis-judged, and they really care what other people think of them. Librans want to settle down, they want marriage, kids and a harmonious life. Definitely the jolliest sign.
Scorpio (October 23, 24 to November 22)
The sign of the scorpion. Scorpions are the most sexual of the signs in terms of cravings and desires. Never satisfied with just one love, constantly needing to get another notch on their belts. Scorpions are sly and have a bit of a dare-devil streak in them, definitely the most risqué of all the signs. Never tell a scorpion a secret - they won't keep it!
Sagittarius (November 23 to December 21, 22)
The sign of the archer. They set very high standards and goals for themselves and expect everyone else to live up to them as well. They are very blunt in their speaking and often say hurtful things without meaning to. They constantly need a challenge and thrive on excitement and the unknown. Great travelers and explorers, saggies don't like to be tied down and are not well known for being faithful.
Capricorn (December 22, 23 to January 20)
The sign of the sea-goat. Capricorns are very career orientated people. They are ambitious and have opinions about everything. They do sometimes tend to have a bit of a doom and gloom persona, always seeing the down side of things first. Some capricorns are narrow minded in their thinking but only because they want to do what they think is the very best thing to do.
Aquarius (January 21 to February 19)
The sign of the water-bearer. Aquarians are very friendly people, great conversationalists and thinkers. They are regularly involved in some kind of intellectual study or debate, but never really let on to others how well informed they really are. Because of this they are unpredictable and full of surprises, you can never tell what an aquarian will do next.
Pisces (February 20 to March 20)
The sign of the fish. Pisceans are fairly free-flowing people in the space that they are allowed to flow in.They often feel trapped when they are not able to do the things that they want, or when things don't run smoothly and this makes them irritable. However, a piscean can make the best of a bad situation if they really want to and blend in with their surroundings.

Hehhh!

Need To Be Next To You
by Leigh Nash

I've run from these feelings for so long
Telling my heart I didn't need you
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I'd feel inside

But I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you
Need to be – next to you

Right here with you is right where I belong
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you
Without you there is nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not there
I can't fight what I feel anymore

'Cause I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you

I need to have your heart next to mine
For all the time
Hold you for all my life
I need to be next to you

I need to be next to you (to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
Need to be, need to be next to you
Share every breath with you
oh, oh I
I need to feel you in my arms, babe (oh...)
In my arms, babe (oh I...)
I need to be next to you
oh I, oh I
(oh I...)

Hihhihik!! Been playing this song since the last 20 hours!! But really... I'm really REAAAAALLY fine now. I finally let go of what I really felt. So, thanks Pakcik! Though at first I didn't want to talk about it.. but you made me talk.. and it relieves me so! So thankful that you came by to my life.. that I'm able to really talk to you.. that you are a friend! ^_^ And yeah.. time heals.. I know I know... wekk!!
Waaaaaaahhhh!!! I never felt this relieved since the new year has begun!! Though my heart oddly aches (probably a case of my ego) and there's butterflies in my tummy (which is caused by anxiety) but other than that, I feel perfectly fine!! My heart aches.. but it's all cleared out! So... thank God that I couldn't lie, and spoke the words from my heart. (strike out for another diary-written new year's resolution which was learn how to lie.. Hahhaha!)
oOooOo yeahh.. This entry is a bit special.. since I'm going to tell you a FACT!! aaAaAahh!! Did you know.. that Ana dedicated this song to her boyfriend?? AHHAAHHAHA!!

Sape kate Wanie berani? Takut sebenanye.. cuma tak nampak..

At the bottom of your list.. that's where I belong
God!! I just realize that I was so pissed off!!! I just realized that I am furious about some things!! I just realized half of the things that's been inside my heart!! I just took notice of the way I feel!! Godd!! I am SO mad!! I can't believe that my hands shook real hard just now! I can't believe that it took me weeks to realize how I really feel!! Godd!!!! I feel soo... minor! So... useless!! So... un-important!!
And yet I'm still confused.. my feelings changes in an instant! In just two hours.. I think differently through all this. Uuurrrghhhh!! I am such a fool!!!

And the fact is, there is no second place in the matters of love..

Tell me, how did I get here..?
Hahhaha! Ana purposedly found a certain silly site while we were in the lab this morning.. it's a very girlish site and I'm pretty embarassed to tell you peeps the addy. Hihhihik! Giggled pretty hard in the lab because of that site. ^_^ But since I was so embarassed to stare at that site for so long, I had to go back to the site.. AHHAHAHA!! Gosh.. I really need to stop getting silly all over astrology.. Hahhaha!!
Neways.. not going to have that Friday class as I thought! 'Coz Juliza said some of the students complained that they have classes..! Sooo.. weeeeeeee!! I can go back on Thursday!!
I wonder why.. I haven't thought of this place as my home.. I just.. have this feeling to get away from here as much as I can..
Y'know.. have you ever wished.. that the people around you understands how you feel without having to say it? I'm feeling... a bit different all of a sudden. And somehow I wish that people would know how differently I feel.. But I don't want them to say anything about it.. I just.. want them.. to know. I don't need to know what they think about it.. I just need them to know..
Gosh!! I think that sappy song is actually affecting me!! I'm confused!!! Am I? Hahhahha!! I hope you're confused as well.. ^_^ Though I want you to know how I actually feel.. I'm afraid if you'll get the wrong idea.. or if you got the right one.. you'll ask questions.. Hahhaha!! I'm pretty much instable to be bombarded by questions right now...... heart is racing.. hands are trembling.. why?

Current song : gosh!! I've been listening to the same song for the last 12 hours!
~ Oh.. I ~

Remind me not to sit here again..
In my computer lab, now.. crappy really.. 'coz there's a glitch somewhere for that Quicktime thingy.. The water.mov file won't show. So now.. I'm sitiing stupidly, typing my blog. I'm wondering something, though.. but naaah.. never mind about that. Not that important..
Ana's playing around with her work.. while I stared at it (stupidly again).. and giggle around 'coz she was doing it very silly..
Really.. remind me not to sit here again! This comp doesn't even have a Y!M!!! AHHAHHAHA..!!
So.. I'm kinda stuck.. have to do something, or I'll be bored to death!!! Ahhahahaha!! Deyy Ana, bile kite kena anta asenmen ni??

Leigh Nash.. Leigh Nash.. Leigh Nash..

That one sappy song I love..!
I don't know.. I'm feeling pretty normal, but I just can't stop myself from playing this same song over and over again! Just like Ana can't stop herself from playing I Need You by LeAnn Rimes. Really, I went to sleep last night with that song as my lullaby (Ana had her speaker on) and when I woke up.. the same song was still playing!! I don't know how many times the song have looped! ^_^ And when I put on my headphone.. I'd be listening to Leigh Nash repeatedly. I don't know!! It's sappy, and the lyrics kinda stick to me and still, I love it!! ^_^ Weird..
Last weekend I saw The Wedding Planner, perhaps for the tenth time.. and I just noticed that they had a really nice script. Heehee! Y'know.. the part when Mary's dad told her that he and his wife had an arranged marriage, and they hated it at first. And one time, he got scarlet fever and she stayed with him, took care of him.. and he appreciated what she did for him. "And that appreciation turned into respect, and the respect turned into like. And that like grew into love.." What a nice thing to say... ^_^ And that time when Mary was trying to make Masimo understand what she was going through.. she asked him, "d'you ever like somebody but the timing was off? Waaaay off? You feel things that you shouldn't be feeling" I mean, gosh! I actually grabbed my scrapbook and pencil ASAP and wrote those words down. I think it's really neat if anyone are able to convey messages with such pleasant words.. Humm.. maybe I feel this way 'coz I used to dream about being a writer.. Huhuuu!! I wonder what happened to that dream..... ^_^
Mak aihh.. geli hati nengok Ana on the phone.. Hihhihik!! Ana ni angau, kalah sumer
Okaay.. I think I tried my best on my crappy Graphics work.. had so much trouble with it.. Thanks Majin, for trying to help! ^_^ Y'know.. the next time I try to do things accordingly.. STOP ME!! It'll only cause me head aches... I don't belong in the 'skema' world. And now, the point is.. I've done my work, so I deserve some sleep!

Starlight, starbright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight

I don't know.. it's so funny, yet so weird!
Hihhihik~! Fate is such a funny thing. When you thought that something will turn out one way, it'll turn the other way round. Makes me wonder.. what are we really playing at? I mean.. some things just makes me think about fate. I know this friend of mine (I know I can just tell you peeps the name, but I'm not sure who's reading this blog) who just got uncomfy with this other person because she told him something about her. And as days pass by, the more they bump into each other! Is it.. some sort of a sign from God.. that it's written in the stars.. that it's their fate.. or is it just coincedence? Hihhihi.. if I just got you thinking, congratulations! You just stepped into one part of my brain. Hihhihik! Not that it's a good thing.. 'coz my mind works in a funny way. ^_^
O Gosh! Haven't started one thing for my Graphics or Fundamental! AHHAHAHA!! I don't know why am I feeling so lazy. I guess I've returned to my self again..! But something weird happened today.. I LISTENED THROUGH ALL THAT MATHS LECTURE!!! Oh my gosh!! It's truly amazing!! My eyes didn't even wander around the room! Just straight on my paper.. and I did all the exercise too!! Oh wow!! Papa would be so proud if he knew about this! HAHHAHAHA!! Honestly, I don't know what has gotten into me.. I guess I just get hyper at the wrong moments.. Ohhohoho!!
Talking about my playlist now.. I couldn't delete those sappy songs I have!! Isyk! The more I listen.. the more I actually enjoyed them. I mean, Leigh Nash's song is sooo nice! Pretty sweet really.. so I couldn't bare to part with it. Hihhihik! And who knows.. maybe I'll need it someday.. ^.^
aaAaAAaaA!!!! I miss Orlando.. hihhihik! I wonder why I haven't found any hunk like him or Freddie Prinze Jr. all over Malaysia. I mean, it's impossible that those kind of guys are only in the US and UK!! I refuse to accept that!! AHHAHAH!! Anyways.. Orlando's birthday is coming up!!! Hihhihik..

Current song : Your House by Jimmy Eat World
~ If you love me at all, don't call ~

Hahhaha!! Split personality..
Honestly, I don't know how I really feel right now.. I'm torn! Hihhihik.. How I feel is better expressed with two different songs.. Hahhaha!!

Where Do We Go From Here by Filter

These half-truths you're telling me
Won't bring me to my knees
Scraped up and bruised
From your fickleness I plead
Just let me feel some ease
From creatures of your greed
Just let me feel some ease for me

I'm not so glad I met you
It makes me want to go away
Until you think it's over
I just... yeah yeah yeah

Where do we go from here
You know I'm not the only one
Where do we go from here
No, I'm not the only one

These broken dreams are screams to me
The difference I can't see
The way you look and talk to me
Your cross at me I freeze
The combination of lost control
The loss of soul, I wheeze
Just give some ease to me

I'm not so glad I met you
It makes me want to go away
I just... yeah yeah yeah

Where do we go from here
You know I'm not the guilty one
Where do we go from here
You know I'm not your only one

I just... yeah yeah yeah

Where do we go from here
Stop dreaming bout that shiny gun
Where do we go from here?
We know im not the only one

where do we go from here?

All Cried Out by Allure

[Allure]
All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling,
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying
And you
Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow
Set this place on fire
'Cause I'm tired of your lie
All I needed was a simple "Hello"
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear me cry
(I) I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such plesure,
My heart never knew such pain.
And you, you made me so confused...
Now I'm all cried out, over you.

[112]
Oooo
Cryin' over you, oh yeah
Never wanted to see things your way,
Had to go astray
Oh why was I such a fool, baby (Why was I such a fool)
Oh yeah
Now I see that the grass is greener
Is it too late for me to find my way home,
How could I be so wrong?

[Allure]
Leaving me all alone
Don't you know my tears will cause an inferno
Romance often fades,
Why should I take the blame?
You were the one who left me neglected (I'm so sorry baby)
Apology not accepted
Add me to the broken hearts you've collected
I gave you all of me
How was I to know
You were weakened so easily
I don't know what to do
Now I'm all cried out over you

I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
My heart never knew such pain
You, left me so confused
Now I'm all cried out (All cried out)
Now I'm all cried out
Over you
Please forgive me baby
Please fogive

Hihhihik! See see!! An obvious mixed emotions.. but I feel pretty good!

uUu aAa my shampoo smells SO good!
Hihhihik! I love my new shampoo!! Hihhihik! Really like the scent.. What shampoo am I using?
Guy : Yang, harini abang balek
Girl : Iye kee..
('Suami pulang' in her journal and she goes back home to shampoo her hair)
As the guy comes home,
Guy : Cantiik isteri abang.
Ahhahaha!! Anyways.. this should be a pretty long day for me. I'll have to do my Fundamental and Graphics.. and maybe if I get the time, I'll sort out my songs! Hihhihik.. Now.. since I am sleepy already.. maybe I should do something less streanous.. Sort out my list!!!

oOooO.. my head feels so light.. hihhihik!

Truth hurts?
How far does a truth hurts? Is it really the truth that hurts.. or the lie or confusion that was covering up the truth?
Heehee.. it really depends on the certain person. Some people would choose to be lied at than knowing the truth. And to some people, they really aprreciate the truth.. and in some occasions, they're even happy with the truth! ^_^
Now, an outspoken person usually prefers the truth. Because they themselves only talk about the truth and it's not their nature to tell lies. And they'd appreciate it if the people around them would do the same. As for me.. I think I fall in this category. I mean, better get things straighten out than keeping ourselves in confusing matters, right? I mean, even if it hurts.. it'll only hurt a while. When we're confused.. we tend to think about it so much! So yeah.. hit me hard with the cold fact, next time. Pondan-pondan tak main laa Ahhahha!! I mean.. it's no use of telling just some parts of the truth.. Really.. just get it all out!
The other category is those people who REALLY lives in their thoughts and dreams. And, well.. people with some bit of mental instability.. Hihhihik! What I mean is, they'd really lose it if they found out the truth. They didn't want to be lied at, but they'd prefer it than listen to some bad things about life. Nothing should ruin their 'perfect' lives.
So, does truth really hurts? I'd say.. absolutely NOT. Truth helps a person to realize their surroundings and stop living in dreams..
As Rowling's character,Professor Dumbledore said in Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone.. It does not do to dwell in dreams, and forget to live..

Nothing hurts more than confusion and lies..

Adehh..
Segan nyer la rase bila dah start cite memacam ekk?
Aduhaaaaaaai.. camne nak tarik balek ni? I don't feel the same way as I did some hours ago..
Alemaaak.. takpelahh.. tido dulu! Hihhiik!

Huhuu.. a dumb present for my ego.. *demm*

Gedik la korang!
Hihhihihik...!! Anaaaa.. Anaaa... orang time memalam tido taau! Adehh.. sakit perut layan Ana..
Like the thing I was supposed to do some minutes ago.. Like the thing I was DOING some minutes ago! AHHAHHA!! I really don't know what woke me up from that odd soothing dream I had. I was like.. alone.. in a wide.. WIDE space.. and I honestly like it!! Hahhahha~! Being alone is not all that bad, 'aight? Heehee~!!!
Don't you think it's funny? It's in the middle of the night.. and I suddenly woke up and say that I'm going to be just fine. Hahhaha!! I amaze myself.. ^_^
Now that it's all straighten out.. Gosh! I never felt this happy.. I mean.. all the stuff in my head.. all the things I've been hessitating to let go.. I can really reaaaaally do it!! Yeayy~!! Happy~ happy~ happy~!! Well, yeah.. a bit sad, now that I've really made my mind to move on, away from my childish memories.. but I'm really happy that I have made the right choice! Hihhihik! Xceed!! AHHAHAHA!!! Gosh, I am sooo talking rubbish right now! Naahh.. I wasn't talking about those Celcom prepaid stuff.. I was talking about my life! Live life, peeps! It's SO worth it! ^_^
Now.. all I have to do right now.. is clean up my stupid playlist coz none of them suits my feelings right now! ^_^ Kinda weird though.. I mean, I've been listening to the same list of songs since months and months ago and they're really horrible.. sappy.. mellow.. and sad!! How could I put up with them for so long?? It's really mind-boggling.. dingdong bell, pussy in the well.. Hahhahha!!! I must be losing my mind this night.. Talked about stuff that I shouldn't be talking about.. Well.. the things that I MIGHT be exageratting one bit. Huhhuuu.. ooOoOps! My mind has a weird way of conveying some messages. So kepada sesiapa yang terase lebih-lebih tuu.. Harap maaf ekk.. I was only half serious.. ^_^
Okie.. I REALLY have to get my sleep..!! Owhh.. my precious complexion! AKKAKKAKA!!!

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.. clap~ clap~! "Smeagol is freeeeee!!"

Feel so pathetic and dumb
Yeahh.. maybe 'coz I've been listening to one of that Steps songs! HAHHAHHA!! I listened to STEPS! Can you believe that?! Ahhahha!! Gosh, my IQ just dropped 10 points.
I was pretty sleepy just now. Went into my bed.. clear up my stuff.. and lay down.. And my mind drifted into something that made my head much worse.. I mean, messy! It has gotten really messy these days that I wish I could just sleep for the entire day!
So, what makes my head messy? Ahhahha!! Fundamental and Graphics of course!! I really have to do something about them! Haven't started one single bit!! Eeeeeek!! All the work I did is my CE journal. It's funn!! REALLY!! Mine is soooo silly.. but very ME! ^_^ Kinda embarassing now, that I've thought of it. I mean.. all my friends haven't started it yet! And I'm like... so NERDY!! OH MY GOD!! I've started that freaking journal!! Hahhahahha!!
So anyways.. I guess I should start my Graphics somewhere tonight. Unless... ehh!! Is there anyone out there who's willing to do that project for me?? Please please pretty pleeeaaaasseee! Hihhihhik! Naaah.. I should depend on my own, 'aight? Keje tak siap, padan muka la kan? Sape suruh main je memanjang, kan?
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepyyy... But my head is just too messy!! Huwaaaaaa!!

Current song : It's The Way You Make Me Feel by Steps

It's the way you make me feel
(the way that you make me feel)
Spinning my world around
Tell me how can I walk away
I don't care what they say
I'm loving you anyway
It's the way you make me feel

And the new week begins!
Heehee! A new surroundings for those standard one kids. Not that it concerns me.. I don't have a lil' brother or sis! But now that it got into my head.. did any of you guys out there remember what was it like on your first day of school?
Well.. I sorta remember that day. It was the very first day I met loaaads of people of my age. (I didn't go to kindergarten!) Kinda creepy at first.. and funny now that I remember it! That morning before Papa sent me to school.. he asked me to count my pocket money. So I went, seposen, dua posen, tiga posen, pat posen, lima posen, nam posen, tujuh posen, lapan posen, semilan posen.. seposen! Yeahh.. a sign how stupid I was with Maths.. My whole family still laughs at me about that 'incident'.. it's not like, my fault that I didn't knew that 'singgit' comes after 'semilan posen'!!
And this morning I asked my dad.. did he waited for me.. until recess time or even 'til the time to go home.. and he said they (my parents) didn't. They waited just for a little while to see how was I doing, and there's this one moment when I showed my knuckles to the guy who sat next to me.. and so they thought that I would be just fine.. Heehee! And so stupid of me to raise up my hand at the wrong name! Hahhaha~! 'Coz there was this girl with the name Hazwanie.. and I'd get confuse, and when the teacher calls up her name, I'd raise my hand as well.. Really embarassing! I did that for almost the entire year! Stupid... stupid..
Honestly, I did PLENTY of stupid stuff back then that I'm just totally embarassed to tell in here! ^_^
So what did I do last weekend? Nothing much really.. went around KL to find more stuff for Nina's wedding.. and went back kampung to discuss more stuff about that big day. I just hate the fact that now that the day is getting nearer, everyone gets a bit tense. I know my dad got mad at me last Friday for one stupid reason! Urrghhh! It's so frustrating.. and made me realise that resolution #6 (in my diary) is doomed to fail! It was actually to be more homely.. y'know.. stay at home/in my room.. do as I was told.. But when my dad got mad at me.. humm, naah! That one should be thrown out the window!! I wasn't born to shut up and listen! I wasn't born to stay put! I'm supposed to be a rebel, for God's sake!! HAHHAHAH!!! Thrashing and kicking is my game..! ^o^
Humm.. one long week this will be. It's a full 5-days week. Have to stay 'til Friday since I have an extra Maths class in the morning.. Huuu.. and I forgetfully left Ziraf and Toy Dolphin at home! Isyk!.. good thing I still have my owl and an extra pillow.. Hihhihihihik!!

So easy to make someone fall in love, but what does it take to make them fall out of it?

The Mysterious Thing Called LOVE

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you,
be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you.
Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him/her,
feel honoured that love came and called at your door,
but gently refuse the gift you cannot return.
Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.
How you deal with love is how you deal with you,
and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys,
even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in love with you,
and then love chooses to leave,
do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go.
There is a reason and there is a meaning.
You will know in time.
Remember that you don't choose love.
Love chooses you.
All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life.
Feel the way it fills you to overflowing,
then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you.
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong.
Having been so long without love,
they understand love only as a need.
They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love,
and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them
rather than from them.
The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing,
but as their love cools,
they revert to seeing their love as need.
They cease to be someone who generates love,
and instead become someone who seeks love.
They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift,
and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this, and keep it to your heart.
Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going.
You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying.
You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away
when it comes to you.
But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover,
there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.
Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN, IT MAY COME AGAIN.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints in our hearts.
And we are never, ever the same.

Never say I love you.. If you really don't care
Never talk about feelings.. If they aren't really there
Never hold my hand.. If you are going to break my heart
Never say you are going to.. If you don't plan to start
Never look into my eyes.. If all you do is lie
Never say hello.. If you really mean good bye
Never say forever.. 'Cause forever makes me cry
If you really mean forever.. Then say you will try

Neat neaaat.. Thanks Alitt!

Way over my head
AHHAHHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAA!!
I am waaaay too 'something' today.. I mean, I'm feeling a wee bit different today.. A bit.. hyper I guess. Hik!
Okay... my new year's resolution.. I find number two to be doomed to fail. Hahhaha!! I shouldn't be more selfish than I already am.. Hehh! If I am, that would strike out myself as a human.. Huhhuuu..
Humm.. Wedding Update One month before the big day. Not MINE, mind you.. Nina, my sister's! Tension starts to build up.. Hahhaha! Even I can feel it!! aaAaaAaaaAAAaaAaA!!!! I'm getting all spooked out about all this. Just one month.. it felt somewhat a bit rushing.. honestly, if I'm in Nina's place right now, instead of asking my 'future husband' to live together.. I'd probably ask him to die togetherrr!! AHHAHAH!! Huuu.. that was a bad joke, really..
aaAaahh! Alitt forwarded me something pretty neat! Gonna post it in a bit..
oOo yeahh.. I FINALLY CUT MY HAIR!! And it's SHORT!! Heehee!! It's been like.. super long time ago since the last time I had it short! The whole last year, all I did was trim it. Yeeheehee! Nina said it made me look 'younger'. Hahhaha!!
Owhkiee. Somehow I feel absolutely blank..

Looking things at the bright side now, but the dark side is still within me..

New Year's Resolution!
What a terrific year. Seriously! I do think that this is the MOST educational year that I've ever had! Hihhihik! I really had my ups and downs this year, and it's just cool when I think about it! What I should keep to myself.. and the things that I have to let go when it comes to the right time. ^_^
Someone once told me that when I get 18, I'll see that some things will change.. Now that I've come to look at it myself.. I see that I thought things have changed, but it turned out to be just the same..

SO! Number one on my New Year's resolutions list.. never trust people's words easily! Hahhaa~! That'd be hard for me.. you'd know that if you've really known me. So if someone says that they care for me.. I'd probably be a bit sceptical.. hehhe! ^_^ It just suxX when you say some things truthfully from your heart and you're replied with empty words..
Number two on my list.. probably learn how to express myself better. Nyehnyehh! I don't know.. kinda boring when people thinks that I have no problems at all when deep inside I feel like exploding with mixed emotions.. I really need to shake off this 'happy-go-lucky' and cheery theme. That'd be super hard though.. I remember in my school days.. even when I had a rough morning.. but as I see either of my friends had a sour face.. I'd usually smile anyways.. Gotta keep someone in the gang positive, 'aight? But heyy, I do need to take care of my own feelings too..! Especially now..
Be more independent is in number three! Hehhek! I'll start off with going shopping alone. Hahhaaa~! That sounds stupid, though. But I do need to be more independent!! Who can you count on, if not yourself? Your friends won't be there for you forever. (Yeah, I'm telling myself that everyday, now) Well, this year, I realized that I've been depending too much on the people around me. I need to make up my own mind starting from now.. Huuuuuu... Though.. err.. I'd still need my dad to pick me when there's break in the schedule. Hihhik! Even if it's a short break.. hihhihik! Not like I have any strong reasons to stay here! Hihihik!
Number four.. Less Y! M.. serious in classes!! Hahhahhaaa~!! My family would sure laugh if they see this. ME! Wanie! Serious! In anything? Especially class?!! Hahhahaa~!!! I'm laughing as well..! ^o^ Well, the Messenger part won't be hard. It's not like I need to be online so much, these days. Amazing, how I've gotten bored of this 24 hours of free internet. But the hard part about this one.. Huhhu.. LESS DOODLE, MORE NOTES! Yes, I'll try.. Huhuuu.. though, I'm pretty surprised that I'm never too affected by the things I do. I mean, if I goof around during classes. Could it be that I'm just usually dumb? Hahhaha! Well, I need to try and get serious. I should see how far I can get without silly distractions.. ^_^
And the final resolution.. (for now) Number five is EAT MORE!! Hahhahha~!! My family is starting to say that I look pale again. Huwaaaaa!! Doctor suxX!! I hate hospital and I hate pills! Sringes suxX even more! Scary.. scary.. I really reaaaaaally need to take meal times seriously. Huhuu..! Arrkk! Gets scary when sometimes I get tired so easily.. Huhuuu..

I realize that I've been learning a lot about the new terms in relationships this year. I used to have my good friends by my side all the time in school. Going to MMU.. parted me from them, and it really suxX! I really think that I'm too young to go to this stage (and I still think that way) First day of college life.. SCARY! Kept thinking about the friends I'll make.. my roomies.. Huwaaaaa!! ROOMIES!! The scariest part, truthfully. I remember when the person at the MPH door told me to come in alone. Huu.. I really wished I could drag my father along. Then walking in the killing sun towards the hostel.. got into my room and saw Fina with her family. Huhuu.. it was a pretty awkward situation. Later when I've put all my things in my room, I asked myself.. Did I went into the right room?!! Hahhaha~! So I tested my keys.. and yess, it's really my room. Later that afternoon, I met the other roomie, Ana! ^_^ Amazing that I've seen Fina at my school before since she was in her school Dikir Barat team while I took pictures of the competition since I'm with the Photography Club in my school. What a small world, huh!
It's just neat to look back in time, and see what you've gone through.. what have you learn from it. If you haven't done this before, make some time! Get a pen and paper.. get comfy and just.. remember! (the pen and paper is just for you to write something or just doodle on some stuff like I do.. hihhihik!) 1997 and 2001 was the year for total stupidity, 1998 and 2000 was my year of goofing off. 1999 was the year of fun and good findings. 2002 is the year for relationships. Neat neaaat!! Wonder what life will bring me in 2003!

pardon me for lingering around my memories..

Can't help myself..
o gosh.. my close friends would sure be sad if they knew what i've been thinking about these days... huhhuuhu
saw the wedding singer just now. gosh! though i've seen it before, and i've heard the theme song loads of times before.. i still think it has the sweetest lyrics ever! hahhaha.. honest, and sweet.. really like the movie..
mle this morning was a bit crappy.. humm.. my mistake, i guess. but me and fina spent our time doodling on some stuff. guessing lyrics and all.. hehhe~!
hehhehe.. now, i just noticed that most of the songs in my playlist are sad ones. i wonder how it all got there.. honestly, i don't really think they're all that sad, but it just brought a few memories. good ones.. but it makes me sad that it's all in the past.. huhuuu.. and now i wonder if i'll ever have as much fun as i had in those days..
demm! why is it so hard to forget? why is it so hard to let go? why is it so hard to hide away my feelings? this suxX!
but honestly, it doesn't suck as much as when a person we cared.. (and still do) thought that you had felt something that you didn't.. that really hurts.. but i guess that person will never know how i really feel.. too thick to understand, perhaps.. and i won't be around to answer if the person asks about it.. just.. i don't know.. i don't know what i feel anymore. i don't want to know!

current song : Stranded by Plumb
it's coming over you, it's coming over me
crashing like a tidal wave and drags me out to sea
i wanna be with you, you wanna be with me
crashing like a tidal wave, i don't wanna be..
stranded

These are my three-days worth of entry.. Nyehnyehh~

Friday - AaarrRrggHHhh!! Didaaaaaa!! Ninaaaaa!!
Stop making me feel concious 'bout my butt!! Sheesh!
Neways, remember last week when I said life's not that hard.. and I can get through it.. I take that back!!! It's hard on me, and I'm starting to get tired from telling myself that I'll be okay. Huwaaaaaa!! I'm tired of hoping.. I'm losing hope!! Huwaaaaaaa!! I feel so sad these days.. What pathetic life I'm having..
Hik.. I've seen my second round of The Two Towers! Hihhihik!! Makes me love Legolas more and more. Gosh!! Wish I could bump into someone like him one day.. Hahhahaa~! Pretty amazing that LOTR was his first movie. He just got out from his acting academy when his agent suggested that he should go for the audition, and he got the part!! And the coolest part about Orlando Bloom.. he's a real extreme-sports guy!! Hahhaha~! He has sky-dived, bungee-jumped and loads more stuff! Severed many of his bones and still standing!! Heehee~!! So sooo cool! And he's pretty hyper too! You'd know that if you saw The Making.. of that movie. and.. he's only in his mid twenties! Hihhihik! Can't believe that I've forgotten his birthdate.. huu.. gotta find that out some bit later.. o yeahh.. it's January 13th..!

I'm standing cluelessly in between of the truth and my dreams..

Saturday - And yet I still wonder..
Tiring daaayy.. went out for the whole day. Woke up around eight so I could come along in sending Dida to the bus station in Putra. (That's just across Nina and Mama's office) Owh! I guess I forgot to mention about that. Nina's now working with Tourism Malaysia as well as my mom, and she's actually one of the Assistant Director. Cool name, huh? But she haven't got any work yet. Hehhe!
So after sending Dida onto the bus, Mama and Nina went back to their offices (it was just 10 o'clock) while me and Papa went onto the STAR train and got ourselves in Jalan Masjid India. Honestly, I'm starting to enjoy looking around for marriages stuff. Hahhaa~! The varieties of bunga telur and bunga pahar just amazes me. There're loaaadddss of them!! Serius, banyak tau!! Kalau Wanie, tak tau nak pilih mane! Good thing I have at least five years to think about that. Okehh.. > Confession! < (you asked for this, Rai) Honestly, I've never thought about when I want to get married.. But SERIOUSLY.. I've thought.. that I should at least have a steady boyfriend by 24. Hehhe! Aaaannyways.. It's just fun to look around for those things. Funny though.. as me and my dad looked around, we noticed that plenty of people stared at us. What?! Is it too odd if if a girl walks around with her dad with her hands in his?? Huhh??! My dad even noticed a guy spun to look at us even after he's walked past us. Heehee~! Maybe he thought I'm too young to be a mistress.. hehhehek!!
So, right when Nina and Mama's office hours were over.. we went back kampung to discuss with some people 'bout Nina's wedding.. khemah.. menu.. menda menda gitu Honestly, I have no time for myself now that I'm taking part for the marriage!.. which is good 'coz God knows what I'll be thinking about if I have too much spare time.. Huu.. though I really wanted to go to Ana's open-house.. but I was in my grandma's house until sunset. But then, we had early dinner at that place in Klang.. what is it called? Emporium? And saw this cute guy who works there.. ahhahhaa!! Papa.. jom gi Klang lagik! Well, he doesn't look like Orlando but he's pretty cute.. Hihhihik!
Funny that you thought you knew something when you actually don't.. and funny if you noticed how much I'm using the word 'funny' in my blog these days! HAHHAHA!! I do think my life is funny these days. It's just so surprising that I can't help myself to laugh. Heehee~!

Pabila bulan bersinar memberikan cahaya biru,
Dan hanya diri terpaku menggapai sinaranmu,
Hulurkanlah tanganmu kepadaku,
Jangan biarkan diriku sendiri merindu padamu..
Misha
Sunday - I'M supposedly FINE!!
I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine..! God, I'm tired of convincing myself that. Honestly, I AM fine.. but there are just some points when I just.. stood mindlessly again.
Eyh.. eyhh!! About my webby.. I know I've been promising over and over again.. but now it's final!! I'll update it in mid-January in due of something important to someone important.. Hohhoho!
Heehee.. Papa told me a funny story about Jasmin.. AHHAHAHA!! Nina.. Nina.. that's your luck! ^o^ Eyh, Rai.. you said you'd come, 'aight?! Datang taaau!
Amazing, when you think about your luck.. and fate. And your destiny.. huhhuu.. Sometimes you'd wonder how did it happen to you, sometimes you'd wonder how was it possible that you could've gone through that. It's just amazing!!!
2002 is a good year!! Good good year!! I love this year!! I think I've grown up a lil' in this year. AHHAHAHA!!! Though, I'm still Papa's lil' gurl. My dad said he'd be surprised if I come home one of these days with a handbag. Hehhehek! He could just imagine me with a sling bag. Hehhek! Handbag is too much mature for me. And now that I've got myself a sneaker.. Yeaaaayy~!! I can get back to my old self. Tapi alamaaak.. kena tuka whole wardrobe lah! I miss my old self! Baju kurung with sneakers.. Hehhehe.. my parents didn't approve that, but I just HAVE to rebel! Yeeheehee~!
I've decided some things for my resolution!! Hahhahhaa~!! And I'll start some of it ASAP.. ^_^

IHTFT You're not gone but you're not here..

ouch~!
two things i need to take note of to start letting go...
1 stop myself from reading old posts and my scrapbook (which i've taken care of since i already bought a new one.. the old one has ran out of clean pages! ehhehe..)
2 shut my ears if i ever listen to kris dayanti's songs and other sappy malay love songs.. ahhahaha!! except misha's.. 'coz i really like her songs.. even if it's sappy and torturing.. and making me get head aches! hehhek~!

How odd...
majin.. nak balek buku wanie.. tak puas lagi nih bace.. rinduuu! selagi tak sampai 4 round, selagi tu wanie tak puas! hehhek~!
okay.. tengah malas nak cakap english.. so kite bebel in malay lak. skali skala... hehhehek!
neways... pagi yang bengong.. rasenye mase bangun tadi okay.. kat umah tadi okay.. jalan gi kelas tadi okay.. bile balek bilek jadi tak okay lak.. camne tuhh?
kenape kadang kadang.. terase cam sakiiiiiiiiiit sangat hati.. ke sebenarnye kite mengade je lebih?
kadang kadang terase nak menjerit.. tapi kite tak nak orang denga.. sebab nanti diorang tanye kalau kite ok.. mestila kite tak ok!! kalau tak, kenape nak jerit?!
kadang kadang hati terase beraaaat sangat.. tapi kite tak tau macam mane nak cakap. macam mane nak start? sedangkan kite sendiri susah nak percaye.. macam mane kite nak lepaskan kat orang lain?
and kadang kadang tu.. paling tak tahan bile kite tau ape yang kite nak cakap.. tapi kite tak dapat nak cakap.. sebab kite tak mau susahkan hati orang lain.. 'coz we care about them.. sakit hati ek? and kite pon tak nak dia ingat kite selfish.. sebab bukan tu maksud kite... sedihnye laa rase bile kena camtu. kenape things camtu happen ekk?
cam.. kite betul betul nak orang tu tau macam mane kita betul betul rasa.. tapi kita faham sangat, kalau kita cakap mesti dia rase lagi sedih dari ape yang kite rase. kite tak mo dia rase camtu.. but kite nak lepaskan rase hati nih... macam manaaaaaaaaaaaaa??!!!! geram nye raseeeee!! rase cam nak bagitau sumer orang yang kite jumpe.. tapi lagi kite cakap pasal tu, lagi kite rase sedih! huwaaaaaaaa!! nape jadi camni ekk..
rasenye cam lagi elok bergaduh dari jadi camni. hahhaha~! lagi lak nak sedih bile orang nak cakapkan bagi pihak. wanie bukannye marah.. cuma sedih.. and bodoh la..! dahlaa bengong.. nak besakan benda benda yang kecik plak..hisy! kenape jadi mengade sangat nieeehhhh!!
okaylaa.. wanie dah penat pikir banyak sangat.. kalau dah suruh let go tu.. kite kena aje laa ikut kan?
owhh.. kalau ade sesaper yang tak tau nape aritu wanie cakap kalau wanie elf, wanie dah mati... elf ni immortal.. but, they can die from kesedihan. kesian ekk? hehhe.. bukan kat wanie laa.. kat elf!

let go...

New Resolutions!!
hehhe.. kinda funny.. thinking about this whole year.
all the bumps and humps i've had through.. all those laughs and tears.. it's really cool to reflect on the whole year.. i think i'll spend my weekend.. writing on my new year's resolution! hehhehek!
now i wonder why i didn't took up mass communication or something like that. aarghhh! my mistake! maybe i should think about that one after i graduated this one.. hehhek! though.. i know my family would be really surprised if i made that sort of decision.. hahhaha!! me.. further my studies! and everybody knows that i'm just lazy at that!!! ahhahaha~!
going to class now.. later-!

I Can't Catch You

I guess you could say I'm a little afraid
What if you go away? I've seen it before,
I've been here before.
If I have to love myself, tell me how to love myself.
What's there to love about myself?
I just want to see that as a person you want me.
But I'm feeling the pain of all these bags in the way,
And I'm thinking you're just gonna run away,
And I can't catch you.

I guess I would say that I want you to stay
'Cause you have this strange knack,
Adds a glow to my black as you chase it all away.
And I hope that you can see I will someday leave these things.
I am waiting to be free.
But I'm feeling the pain of all these bags in the way,
And I'm thinking you're just gonna run away,
And I can't catch you.
Oh, I want to catch you.

Sixpence None The Richer

ex-xxxxx.. A question of believe..
Hey heyy!! Got back from home this morning.. and going back again after my classes! Weeee!! Why? 'Coz my sisters roxX!! I really thank God for my fate with them. Hehheh~! Going to see my second round of The Two Towers this evening!! Yeayyy~!!! Thanks Nina.. Dida..!! Hihhihik!
So.. what was this week like? HORRIFYING!! Truly.. madly.. SCARY! I've had two rough weeks in a row.. and now that I've calmed myself.. and got some time off.. and think of what really happened.. I have to say that life is not that hard.. I can get through this!! Hehheh!! Well.. if things haven't happened to you before.. keep in mind that there'll be a start of something! ^_^ I have to say that I am really.. reaaaaaaally fine. Nothing to worry! Though, I realize that I have nothing much left to look forward to in tomorrow. Everything just gets blurry these days.. Hey Niez! I still need to see youuu! Hihhihik! I have this need to shop!! I don't know how.. but if I buy some things for myself.. that can make me happy! Huu.. scary, huh? But not that scary.. 'coz I'm usually happy.. and that means I don't need to shop a lot! ^_^
Now.. ever heard of a saying that goes like 'What goes round, comes around'? Amazingly.. that's what happened to me! I did something to a certain someone.. and now, after two years.. someone else did it to me.. for the same reasons!! It hurts, really.. but I can smile about it, now.. God!! Can't believe that I am capable of saying some things that can make it hard on the ones I care and on myself!! Hahaaa~! Goodness.. thank God I have my ego to save myself from getting myself into any more sticky situation.. hik!
Okie.. so Dida brought home a Malay album.. that Misha girl.. and I have to say.. I LIKE HER SONGS!!!! 'Coz she has a really nice voice.. Honest!! Really reaaaaaaaally like her songs. And now that Dida have also brought home Nick Carter's album.. I feel obligated to find the MP3 for this one song.. aaAaaAaA.. it's a very very sweet song.. **but I need the world, now** which happens to only require a guitar! Ohhohoho!
Just realized some of the irony in life.. Amazing isn't it? When you look into a person.. even into their eyes.. You thought they sparkled with such happiness from their smiles. But deep inside their hearts.. they mourn for a story that you never knew of..
Hehh.. Pandai kau tukar topik ek Rai! Gile banyak kredit aku abes call kau.. sheesh!
Now.. hopefully there won't be any class for me tomorrow.. I'd be SUPER DUPER lazy for it.. Yeech~!

Misha's songs are neaatt!!

Hehhee... funny that I actually downloaded this song yesterday afternoon..
Jangan Diucap Selamat Tinggal

Kumencari -kumencari apakah salahku
Kau buat ku termenung seorangan
Dalam diri sangsi
Akhirnya begini
Perpisahan tak ku duga

Kumengerti kufahami keputusan diri
Biar saja aku sebegini
Permintaan terakhirku jangan kau lafazkan
Simpan saja kata-kata

Jangan diucap selamat tinggal
Jangan kau ucap selamat tinggal
Jangan diucap selamat tinggal
Kepadaku...

Walaupun seketika, walau sekelip mata
Simpan saja kata-kata ke akhir hayat yang ada

Shades

I just hate the fact that I understand it so well..
What a funny start-of-term. Gosh.. I believe anyone would be surprised if they're in my shoes right now. (but of course, I'm not wearing any shoes at this moment since I'm in my room! Hehhek!)
Ummm.. better concentrate on my studies anyways. That would be one of my NEEDS. Can't believe how lucky I got through these years. When I was diagnosed for something.. got serious about it for just some months.. when I should eat and still be taking some stuff (but I didn't).. It didn't got worse! I'm still here.. fooling around.. and still got this far. I just keep amaze myself these days.. Hehhehh! Really should start getting serious about those important stuff. Huhhuu.. now I'm getting afraid of letting the ones I care, down. Reaaaaally have to get my mind straight, and concentrate on these important stuff... And I just turned 18!!! I should have a long way to go.. (that's if my prediction all this while is wrong!) Hehh!
Oh heck.. things happen for a reason.. and I'm taking the things that had happened to me as a sign. Heyy.. if sad things happen to you all at once, that SHOULD mean something, 'aight? Last week was horrible for me.. new things happened to me.. but I was thankful that one sort of thing didn't happen to me at that time.. but now that it had happened.. I am also thankful, that it got me realize the things I should think of, before I start jumping onto some stuff.
2002.. what a year. I'll sure remember this year forever for it taught me a lot of things...

Funny that I sensed it someway.. and refuse to take note of it..
And funny that if I were born as an elf.. I would've died...

I Will Remember You

I'm so tired but i cant sleep
standin on the edge of somethin much too deep
its funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
we are screaming inside but we can't be heard

i will remember you
will you remember me?
dont let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

i'm so afraid to love you but more afraid to lose
clinging to a past that doesnt let me choose
once there was a darkness deep and endless night
you gave me everything you had oh you gave me light

and i will remember you
will you remember me?
dont let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

weep not for the memories

It's on my desk so I can always see it~
okie.. felt tired trying to finish my webby with this horrible keyboard. i'll try to get it done after the christmas..
ehhehe.. had fun with fina.. talking about crap.. watched the fellowship of the ring.. played around with my new teddy.. hihhik..
okiee.. kinda sleepy.. and i've got class for tomorrow morning.. huuhuu.. later!

ooo anaa.. wanie bagitau kat tu.. tuu.. karaaang..

Farizzzzz!!!! Thank youuu!
Heeheee~! can't stop myself from grinning...
thank you Fariz.. I really really reaaally like it. hihhik!
Thank you, ekk!

Kawaaiiiiii! my bear and my boyfriend.. hihhik!

Curses and stones
now, pardon me for the capital letters.. i'm having some problem with my keyboard.. can't press the shift key or something weird will come out.
well.. today.. it was kinda.. crappy in a way. honestly, i shouldn't really be affected by it. for an example.. take anyone that you know.. even yourself.. you don't need EVERYTHING in life, right? just some things.. and i've got my some things.. the rest.. wateva dude!
but anyways.. i have great roomies, i have to say. after class this morning, we went down to hb4 cafe for lunch and kinda hung out.. gosh, we hung out for such a long time. pretty neat...
though... i think i'd be happier if i'm at home.. hahha.. might be going back home tomorrow.. not that i'm celebrating christmas! but i'm using my chance to get away from my troubled mind while i'm at this place.... hehhek
okie.. later now.. got some things to do.. i think

mithrandir~!

Really should've just..
Ha~! I know I should just let go of this.. I'm trying hard to let go, really.. But I just can't.. and *demm* it hurts!!
Let's just say that I'm afraid of having anymore hope for myself. Mental, huh?
Sorry Hanis! Can't let go.. I know you've told me to.. but I just can't.
Amazing how my imagination can really run wild.. As my dad drove me back here.. I just kept thinking of scenes when I won't have to get back here.. Pretty extreme really.. but nothing much new.. heh~! Of course, I've been having extreme thoughts even in my 'tweens' life! How troubled can I get?? VERRRRY! Still amazes me that I got this far.. 18! That's a large number.. wonder when the number will stop to add up..

F*ck, shit!!.. aAaaAa.. Legolas is so damn cute!!
Heehee~! Saw The Two Towers todayy!! It was so sooo kewl~! Hanis was so sooo kewl~!! Gurl, you rock my Earth! Thank you loaaaaaddds! Heehee~! Actually, I only planned to go out for just few hours.. Maybe strolling around Pyramid.. looking for something to give to Musz and survey out some shoes.. (PAPA I NEED NEW SHOESSSS!!!) So I did stroll around and got a necklace for Musz.. (Hope you like it, sis!) And me and Hanis went to some irrelevant shops (acting like we WERE looking for something) 'coz we've got nothing else better to do. And Hanis asked.. "Wanna see a movie?" And so.. we went to the TGV and got two tickets for the 3 o'clock show. Got lunch.. talked about stuff.. (my mental especially!!) and.. THE MOVIE!! It was just.. awesome!! Orlando Bloom was just cute!! AaaAaAaAaa!! So so so sooo sooooooo cute!! Hahhaha!! Though, there are some bit of changes in the movie from the book.. but heck! Legolas' cute! Hahhaa~!! I mean.. Peter Jackson's interpretation of The Two Towers was great!! Everyone should see it!! I mean, everyone should see it.. at least TWICE!!! Hahhaha~!! I think I really should get paid by advertising the movie constantly.. ^_^
oOoO yeahh.. don't misunderstood the title up there.. The curse was for the part where the Orcs and Men battled. I mean.. gosh! It seemed painful! I just had to express it somehow.. Hehe! And then.. came the shot with Orlando on it.. aAaAaAaa~~ Legolas and Gimli just amuses me in every single shot of them! The battle in Helm's Deep just roxX!!! Hahhahaha~~!!!
Can't wait for my second round.. Ihik! ^_^
Honestly, last week was horrible! It was the most horrible week I've ever had in my whole 18 years of life! But I guess you'll just have to have it someday, huh?
But heyy.. I'm still trying my best to keep my kewl.. I haven't been dissing around without knowing what's really going on.. I'm quite perfectly fine! But yeah.. can't deny that I'm still having that bit of a mental instability problem and THAT'S a "f*ck shit"...
But heyy! With the thought of Orlando in my head.. nothing minor can dampen my spirit.. (I think!) hihhik~!

Tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a lil time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how i feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

And I know I'm not ready,
Maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change

Going back home
So thankful that I'll be going back home!
Would anyone care if I don't come back?
I've been living in a dream.. I don't know 'bout anything anymore...
I lost control of everything in just one day...... Amazed myself, really..
I guess I shouldn't really care.... but I'm being the reason for the unhappiness of someone I care...
I'm not sorry that they feel that way towards me...
But I'm sorry for making that one person unhappy...
If I could turn back time, I would....
Sorry Ana....
And thanks Fina... really appreciate it.

I really deserved to die...

SLEEEEEP!!
Okay.. going off to sleep now. I've been saying that since the last hour but I was so into my timetable! Hahaa~! Just did a new desktop with my timetable on it.. It looks so RETRO!! Hahaa~!! Mine's in red-ranged colors while Ana's with green.
Seriously retro! And now that I'm satisfied.. I really need to go to sleep!!!

Peace.. dude

oOoOo gosh!
Can't believe I actually posted a silly entry. I've deleted it already.. not sure if anyone have read it.. Hihhik! It was up only for one and a half hours. Ehek! Can't believe that I'm losing my mind as much! Yikes! I'm afraid of what I'll say next.. I'm always scared of this.. Honestly, there's just some points when I feel like saying the things that are impossible to take back.. Honestly, throughout my life.. I think I've sorta let myself out for... like.. four.. yeah, I think four times. Which I regret one of it. Eheh!
Okaayy.. another crappy night, I have to say. I'm like... very close to explode. So.. I'll go out with Musz this Saturday.. Dayat.. confirmed that she can't come.. And Niez.. it'll depend on how she did for her papers.. and if her dad are satisfied enough with them. Huwaaaaaaa!! I just hate the fact that I can't control all the things I want!! Huwaaaaa!
This suxXx! Well, I sucked to be honest! I think I do need to hit my head on something hard so I could faint and forget the things that's troubling my mind.

No magic should be used between classes in the corridors

Huarrghh!
Just my luck.. I felt sleepy this afternoon but I just couldn't get my eyes shut.. And Fina played the movie in her laptop.. Empire Records. Pretty neat. Mark is so crazyy!! (and not mention.. cute!) ^_^
Gosh! I'm getting dizzy with the schedule! Honestly, I thought arranging our own shcedule was fun.. But really, it's more to streanous than fun!! Especially since the MMU people likes to change the first schedule to something different which leads to some clashes of my classes!! Urrghh!! Baka-na But it's okay now.. THANK GOD! I'm getting really reaaally dizzy trying to work it.
Okiee... now, I need to say.. that my webby might be up on Monday. Huhuuu..! Have this sudden shock.. of going back to classes again.. Realize that I can't finish it up as I expected.
Huhuu.. big possibilities that I'm going off sick in some days from fatigue!! I don't get enough sleep and rest.. I don't eat.. and I think I'm having this bit of "culture-shock"! I mean.. I've been hanging around.. relaxing for the past three weeks and now.. I have to get up early and straight to SHOWER.. and get ready for CLASSES!! And it's *demm* hot here in Cyberjaya!! I'm having a MAJOR dehydrationn!!!! Aaaaarrrrghhhh!!!! Plus, the fact that I'm MENTAL right now.. Huhhuuuu!
This so called "culture-shock" suxXX big time! I'm not eating!! HEEELLLP!! I'm just not hungry! Even if I'm eating.. it's just for the sake of spending my money on something and eating. It's like.. I'm never hungry!!!!! I just need WATERR!!! Aaaaarrrghhhh!! Why am I not hungry?!!!! Heellppp!!!
I wanna go home... I'll eat when I get home.. Huwaaaaa!! I want home!!!

Food suxX!!.. at this moment

@ Lab
Yeaaahh~!! Tengah takde keje nihh.. I'm with my friends right here in the computer lab.
oOooO yeahh.. EPPY BIRTHDAY DIDAAAAA!!!

Lalalaalalalalaaa.. so bored

Not quite ready to sleep
Stress.. helllppp!! My shoulder really aches right now! It's like.. super strained! Yeoww!
Actually I was about to go to sleep.. when I received a phone call.. from Rai!
Ehhehehek! Thanks for the call.. I feel appreciated again! Ahahha~!! Alwaaaays like that.. calling me up so late at night. For what? To talk about stuff and tease me! Ahahha~! Tak tahan.. dahlaa mentigakan pasangan! Koraaaaaannng!! Azraai "by"! Larikan diri!! Well, larikan partner korang la.. tu lagi bahaye! Ehehhehek! Sudah ramai yang menjadi mangse.. isyk isyk isyk.. And I pity them all.. Ehhehehekk!!
Humm.. felt really horrible right then.. but I am feeling much better now.. ^_^
Big thanks to the kewl guys I have around me! Hik!
OooOo yeahh.. I should mention 'bout my results 'aight? Since I don't think that it's too TOO bad.. well, I got 2.81 for my CGPA. Funny how I got the same points as Ana did.. and now we also have the same exact schedule for our classes!! Ahahhaha~!! Hope we won't get too bored of each other.. Hehhehek! Neways.. I got a big fat C for Graphics (I admit that I did horrible in the test.. all to my lack of responsibility to READ!) B- for Fundamental and a consistent B+ for my English. I have to say.. I'm amazed with that B+ as I did the final paper in a great GREAT pressure!!! Ahhahha~! Of course, that's an old story...
Oh well.. I REALLY need to get to sleep or I'll look horrible in the morning. My beautiful complexion!! AaaAaAaAa~~!!!
AHHAHAHAHHAA!! Yeah, right! As if I cared THAT much! Now, g'nite peeps! I do need some sleep.

Thanks dear.. you mean so much to me.. Wekk!!

'Coz I wasn't born as a heartless b*tch
I honestly feel so tired!! I haven't had the enough amount of sleep I need.. I'm having that stupid back pains.. my heart aches.. I wish I could just.....!!!
So sooo tired for 'caring' about those small little things. I am seriously ill! If I could get one wish... just one wish.........
It's a wonderful day today.. and the whole night before. (Kept awake for the whole night.. talking to Ana and BJ) And when the night comes, it just sucked! I really don't know what really upsets me. I hate the fact that I don't even know what I feel. I hate the fact that I can't just tell myself.. what I need. I'm always wondering.. asking myself if I'm happy. Sometimes it just felt like I don't deserve to be happy! I always end up getting hurt anyways...
Okie Fariz, you didn't do anything to me.. maybe it's just my crappy mood that gets in the way. Honestly, you did nothing wrong.. so you don't have to worry about anything, okie!
And to my friends.. my ever dearest friends.. I'm sorry to say that I get tired with you guys sometimes.. It just seemed that I'm the only one who's holding strong to this friendship. Why? I ask myself that at times like this. Sorry fellas! A girl can only take as much. I'm such a bad plnaner.. I'm never good at planning things up.. But why is it when I'm with you guys.. it's always me who gets the job.. I'm the only one to worry about these matters.. I'm the only one who's trying to make it work. I'm tired of worrying!! I'm tired of planning!! I'm just TIREDDD!!!! So the next time we want to get together.. either three of you plan it out okay. I'm sick and tired of persuading and trying to make it all work. Just... tired!! I'm doing this weekend for the last time okay!! If it doesn't work.. fine! I'll find some other people who's willing enough to make some time..
Selfish am I? No I'm not.. It was a promise and I just happen to try as hard to hold on to it..

What ever..

Heehee~!!
Gosh! I got here around 6 and I still haven't finished my unpacking! Hihhik!! Found something in my bag.. a silly little card from that weighing machine.. Hahhaaa~!! It was funny.. to me, my dad and Nina. They laughed reaaaaally hard when I read it aloud.. I laughed a little.. 'coz in a way.. my dad and sister was mocking me.. Hahhaa~! It said, "IF a woman, you will make an ideal wife. You are loyal, responsive and endearing" Ahahhaa!! Of course everybody laughed! I'm almost none of that!! Yeech!!
Gotta get back to my unpacking! Gosh!! Who would've thought that such small card can do a lot of distractions?

General Meaning: What has traditionally been known as the Sun card is about the self -- who you are and how you cultivate your personality and character. The earth revolves around the sun to make up one year of a person's life, a fact we celebrate on our birthday. The Sun card could also be titled "Back to Eden." The Sun's radiance is where one's original nature or unconditioned Being can be encountered in health and safety. The limitations of time and space are stripped away; the soul is refreshed and temporarily protected from the chaos outside the garden walls. Under the light of the Sun, Life reclaims its primordial goodness, truth and beauty. If one person is shown on this card, it is usually signifying a human incarnation of the Divine. When two humans are shown, the image is portraying a resolution of the tension between opposites at all levels. It's as if this card is saying "You can do no wrong -- it's all to the good!"

The so called 'educational' break
Heehee~! Well, that's what I said before the break.. there was a thought of having an educational school break but it seemed that I didn't have enough time to get to the 'educational' part. Nyehnyehh! Yeahh.. I did open up those programmes I wanted to learn, but as I stared at it... my thoughts just went.. "what was I going to do just now?" So I closed them back.. Heehee~!
Humm.. three weeks of break.. wasn't enough really.. to do all the things I wanted to do. But it's long enough for me to miss my friends. Nothing much happened through out those three weeks.. But I'm thankful enough that I didn't spend all my time by sitting around at home.

Movies
Huuu.. haven't got enough of my 'magical' movies dosage. Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets was neat {though I enjoyed the book better!} but I just can't help myself from getting anticipated for The Lord Of The Rings:The Two Towers!! My heart just beats faster everytime I saw or heard the advert for it! Aiyyayayaaa!!
Aidilfitri
What can I say.. it was horribly boring! Weird enough, this is the very first time I didn't even feel a bit of that 'raya feeling'. It was just.. a day where we can start eating in the daylight again! I don't know.. just.. that 'twinkling' sensation was no where during Aidilfitri this year. But it wasn't so bad I guess...
Sisterhood
Funny what your siblings can do to you. Well, Dida took a long break. So what does that mean? It means that I had to endure her much longer!! Yeahh.. quarreled and all that. And had to endure the times she teases me.. And pretty much stupid that she said my butt seemed bigger!! DUHH!! Mengarutlaa katak! But heyy! Nina and Dida taught me something new! Now I know how some guys can see when a girl is having her period! Now I know the secret! Nyehnyehh!
And Musz is just absolutely GREAT!! She just had her way of timing. Calling me up just when I got bored of sitting around. Went around on the 11th. Ended up in Mid-Valley.. amazingly bumped into some old friends!! Arep, Zooleak, Ridhwan and Ahmadsyah which of course, I can bump into him any day in MMU. But it was a pretty neat coincidence! Such a long time since I last saw those guys! And at the end of the day.. Musz bought me an owl for my birthdayy!! AHHAHHA!!
New books
Bought some new books during the break! Wee~!!! And it's the book I wanted so soo much! It's Rowling's Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them {Harry Potter's text book} and Quidditch Through The Ages {Hogwarts' library book} Totally neat!! It was such a fun read!! So I spent RM 40 for them, but heyy! I'm HAPPY!!!!!! ^_^ Thank you to those long hours of walking around in the MPH Bookstore! Hik!
Birthday
I'm 18!! Hahhaa~! Well, I don't think that anything much would change.. but I guess we'll have to see some bit later...! Thanks to all my friends who remembered! Sape yang tak ingat tu.. I refuse to remember yours next year! Tak kesahh!! I'm holding a grudge, here! Huhh! Hihhihik! Surprised Nina when I showed her a daring SMS that I got.. It said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU!" Hahhaa~! Of course.. the only person that's brave enough to say that is my FATHER! Hahhaa~!!! And if there's an award to give away for the best birthday wish.. I'd give it to Dayat.. 'coz it was hilarious!! It goes something like.. "you're old enough now.. so you can see the 18+ movies without hessitations!" Gosh! Of all the things to wish.. she said THAT! Ngeee~!!
Terengganu
TIRING!! 9 hours of road-trip. I swear that my err.. koksik feels swollen! Yeoww! It hurts baaadly! Well, went to Terengganu to sent off Dida back to Kerteh. {She's kinda having her practical in Petronas Cari Gali} I have to say.. it's just lucky of her to get the chance to be there. Just last month she got to go to the pelantar minyak. (Sorry, I'm pretty much too sleepy to find the English word for it while I'm typing this out) And she has that yellow suit for keeps! Huu.. just lucky of her to be one of those Petronas scholar. Makes me hit my head why aren't I as smart as my sisters! Yeech! Oh what the heck.. then I wouldn't be ME! ^_^
ooOoOo yeahh.. the new webby will be up later this week.. that Terengganu trip drained all my energy out to keep on working on the webby!
Self-discovery
Why, of course! I always get that every time I had too much time to myself. So what did I learn? Well.. compromise is one thing. Gosh! It's kinda hard to do that! Really! And I realized that saying sorry could get a bit hard sometimes. I mean.. as a brat as I always am.. when someone says something to me.. something that infuriates me.. I'd usually say something back to them! And.. I just had this one moment when I just stopped and no words could come out. The next thing I know.. I said "sorry" and I really mean it! Huu.. kinda hurts really.. to push a bit of my ego. Hahhaa!! Humm.. what's there left of me without this ego.. ^o^
Humm.. and when I get the chance to day-dream.. the thoughts that came to my mind really made me realize some things. Freaks me out a little.. but not really! Get what I mean? It's like.. if I think about it some months ago.. I'd go screaming my head off but since it just came.. I'm quite prepared and ready for it! Hahhaa~! Don't mind me if you don't understand what I'm saying. Just a note to myself, then! ^_^

Aaaaaand as much as I hate it, the break is now over! Sad really.. I didn't even get to see Niez and Dayat during the break. I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS!! Huwaaaaaaa!! Please oh please make this Saturday work.. Dayat.. confirm your paper right away please! Hanis, get back home A.S.A.P!! Musz, pack all your stuff early so you won't forget those nessecities!! I'll try to work on those tickets.. yeechh!! Or maybe you should, Musz.. Oh well.. pray hard that all of us could make it.. at least I would! Huuu

2nd P : What I Feel {DEC 15}