Oh heck, maybe I'll just go crazy.

I think I should just send my CV to that off-shore oil rig thing. Brilliant if I get it, but pefectly fine if I don't. What's the point of chickening out before you start, eh? Plus, my life motto is currently DARE TO BE GREAT. hihi!
I'm daring, alright. Not so sure about that great part just yet.

I suddenly remembered the email I got from one of my bestfriends. She sort of jolts my memory of who I am inside.
Okay, to start off with let me tell you that I like to give long emails to my friends. I'd write stuff like what was going on in my life. (Emails are definitely the only form of communication that I have with my friends these days.) I'd babble a lot in the email but when we get together, they would miss on nothing about me thus, plenty of stuff to talk about.
So my last update for them was when I told them how badly I was doing at school and reckoned that I ought to find a job. Odd enough, they all got worried for me and was rather sympathetic - somehow. hihi! (I can't figure out why they felt that way.)
Anyways! Then Dayat replied saying something like; "it's great that you can always find things that make you bounce back."

Maybe I am a happy person after all, but if I am.. how come I can be so nasty sometimes? Don't you think it's just weird?? Well, I think it's weird. I am so bitter and spiteful sometimes, but some other times I just can't think of any excuse to think bad of anyone. Just.. odd.
Maybe I'm suffering from split personality.

Cool!

By the way, I just finished writing my CV and you know.. for someone who hasn't finished her degree, I wrote quite a decent one! I SO feel like Rosie Dunne now. Except that I get a little upset when I saw my MUET result slip. Just 5 more points to get Band 5! grrr.
Listening: 39/45
Speaking: 31/45
Reading comprehension: 105/135
Writing: 40/75
ahahhaha! I did writing the worst but I have a perfectly good reason, so I'm not terribly worried. Upset, but not worried.

This was written at 1:32 am on September 24th, 2005
Edited at 2:54 am of the same day.

A quickie but not so much.

I haven't been into any interviews since the last one I told you about. It's not that I'm backing away from that thought of working, but I have to be honest.. I'm definitely more appreciative over my time being a bum. hihi!
I think I'll try for a job that my mom would protest on, like being a crew on a cruise ship for instance. I should apply no later than October 3rd, so I have a little more time to think about it. Just the other day I saw an ad to work on one of those off-shore oil rig, but for some reasons I can't find the ad anymore. Maybe I should take it as a sign. Dida had once been onto one of those oil rig off Terengganu and she said there were all male. So when she walks by, they'd all turn their heads - not having seen a girl for the past half of month.. maybe! (All I know, that's how their working hours.. 12 hours for 2 weeks, then they'll have the next two weeks off.) Well, I don't think working along men would be so much of a problem but.. maybe it will. I'd hate to get so concious over nothing!
I still hope that I'll find the ad though. Man, the pay is good! 200+ US Dollars per DAY! I'd pay off my loan in minutes!

I suppose I shouldn't be so picky (or rebellious) about the job. Any sort of income should be good and I'm more to looking for the experience anyways! So if nothing else works out, I'll start applying for one of those simpler jobs like a waitress, barista or receptionist. Unglamorous, I know - something you wouldn't want to talk about in a high school reunion, but I'm in dire need to meet more people, and hopefully, odd ones.
If only there's a circus in town I can join; should be really interesting!

Since I'm getting more and more serious about writing, I reckon that I should go to more places and just see more people - for inspiration purposes. hehe! I mean, I can't talk about people that is actually in my life - they'd be upset if I shall decide to kill them off in my writing! hihi. (not that I'm planning to.. just in case!)
I haven't written anything in two days and it's not because of that so called "writer's block". I'm just too lazy to pick up the pen. It's horrible, I know.

You know, this writing thing really scares me. If it doesn't work out.. then I'm clearly untalented and was born with absolutely no skill. Wouldn't that be just sad??
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not really scared - I lied. I was trying to be a bit negative but failed. One way or another, writing IS my thing. So if novels don't work out, I'll apply for secretarial work! ahhahaha!!

For some reasons I'm in a pretty dandy mood this morning.
By the way.. the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary of Current English '84 print is my good friend these days. I know, I hardly ever use any words that you need to refer to a dictionary, but I just had to be sure about the words that I use or read.

Selangor vs. Perak tomorrow. Can't wait!!!

This was written at 3:47 am on September 23rd, 2005.

Shite!

It's almost 6 am and I can't sleep!
For some reasons, I just can't stop worrying about my birthday.
My birthday!! Which is in DECEMBER!!
My freakin' birhday!!!
Damn, "worry" must be my natural instinct these days.
*grunt in distress*

I know it's September, and definitely too late to change my resolution, but I've got half of this year's done so I decide to make a new one.. like an update, version 1.1 of this year's resolution:

Original resolution as exactly written in my diary
1. get my grades up!! - which we all know now how impossible that is.
2. be totally independent 'coz other people sux!! hahhaha. - I'm not exactly 'totally independent' but I'm perfectly fine going out and do things by myself, so that's half done.
3. get plenty of ME time - managed that.
4. save up money. - failed that, some things are just not meant to be.
5. not to get mixed up in stupid depressing things. - passed that with flying colours! I actually manage to be depressed-free this year! (up to this moment at least!)

New resolution
1. find a job that I'd be willing to stay for 3 months.
2. decide studies options.
3. achieve number 1 and 2 before I turn 21.
4. write 300 200 pages of current idea/project.
5. not getting stressed out on my birthday.

Writing is going okay these couple of days. Muz and Dayat gave positive response when I showed them my early "draft", but I don't think I'll show them to my family members YET because they speak better English and I HATE getting corrected for my lousy grammar. I've finally figured out what the story is about. I'm dreaming about being interviewed, HA-HA! I feel like pissing, somehow I'm getting more jittery.
It's cold, I'm going to piss now.

This was written at 5:51 am on September 21st, 2005.

I'm chopping my head off.

Okay, not exactly my head, but my hair, definitely. As pretty as I think I am with long hair, I've turned completely bored with it. I've come to a conclusion to finally butcher my hair off, YEAYYY!! Just wished I had some extra money lying around so I can colour my hair electric pink. Alright, maybe not pink because that would go just horrible with my skin tone - red, then. Electric red, that'd be wonderful!! But of course, I don't have any extra money lying around.

I think my dad is really interested with the things my sister does on her job, but I find Dida pretty much couldn't bother less to actually tell him about it. Hummm..

Talking about jobs, I seriously need to find one. I know I should be busy looking for one, now that I've actually went to a real job interview, but somehow I just got comfortably stuck in front of the telly. I am such a couch potato! Dayat thinks that I should apply for some sort of a show-reviewing job, if there is one. I think there is, but somehow I never saw them advertised. *sigh* That really ought to be the perfect job for me.

By the way, I am so so broke. Just the other day I planned on buying something for Rai because he told me to (I didn't wish him his birthday - yeah, yeah.. I'm a horrible friend, get over it!) But I saw Cecelia Ahern's new book and I bought that for myself instead!! ahhahaha!! I have to be honest here, I really do prefer spending money on myself than doing so on other people. If you think that's a selfish act, well, that's not my problem. (bitchy mode, notice?) Anyways, I was out with 75 Ringgit in my purse that day, and got home with only 10 Ringgit left. I swear, money just fly off when they're with me.
Eh, actually it wasn't my fault that I had that unplanned shop. It was all MPH's fault! Freakin' bookstores are a curse!
Wanie: I thought there's a 20% off?
Cashier Lady: Yes, 20% off if you're an MPH member. Do you have a card?
Wanie: Ohh.. no.
Cashier Lady: Are you still buying?
Wanie: Uh.. OK.
Thus, this whole incident result to a little curse under my breath as I hit my head with my knuckles for spending money so carelessly again - as Dayat laughed on at me. (I'm partly convinced that my friends only loves me for their own entertainment purposes.) Oh right, plus it reminds me just the hell why I preferred Kinokuniya more - NO STUPID MEMBERSHIP STUFF!

I think Cecelia Ahern is obsessed with letters and people who can't spell. Both of her book revolves on that particular subject. Her new book is called Rosie Dunne and it was just as fantastic as her debut novel. I thought the format was a bit confusing, but just as PS, I Love You, the characters she created were simply lovable. Though Rosie Dunne didn't make me cry, I think the ending is just too sad for me to read the book again. Really sad. At least I thought so. Maybe I should give Nina to read it and we'll see if she thinks the same way..

Can't believe that I'll be 21 in a few months. I think if alcohol is actually legal for me, I'd probably drown myself in it on my birthday. (Disclaimer: I don't really want to drink alcohol, please believe me!) I thought it'd be the best way for me to forget that I'll be a year older and yet no where closer to any sort of an achievement. I critically need to put that out of my mind. *sigh*

Dayat told me that her dad actually told her to find a man. I was.. speechless when she said that. (Okay, that's a lie. I'm rarely speechless! The only certain way to make me quiet is to put some guy I have a crush on beside me. So yeah, maybe if Danny is right next to me I'll be totally mute.) I have to say that I was mostly amazed that her father told her that. Maybe because the idea of me getting married would probably kill my dad. Honestly, Nina leaving the house had already broke his heart. (Well, that might be because she's actually the good daughter! ahhahaha!)
Meeting Dayat the other day confirms the theory that I've spent half of my life waiting for the people I care about; wait for them to come pick me up, wait for them to come home, wait for their call, wait for a letter, wait for them to finally say something, wait for them to say sorry, wait for them to finally get there when I've been waiting for forty freakin' minutes!! Dayat was so late that day, I should've charged her 1 Ringgit for every minute she had kept me waiting.
Other than that, she's a great person! So whomever with *cute little nose likes to get to know an almost 21 year old, emotionally immature, incapable of story-telling yet tremendously funny girl, give me a call and I'll set you up on a date! heehee!
(* Dayat likes to look at people's noses, we love her, but she is a little odd. But then again, aren't we all?)

My really old ex called me the other day but I didn't answer.
Polite reason: there's only one bar left on my battery so I'd hate to get cut off in the middle of a conversation.
Honest reason: I just don't want to.
Both of those reasons are true. Sometimes I don't know why I can be so mean. Okay - because I am. Maybe I'll answer his call around next year. I just hope the next time we talk he'll mention about a new lady he met or something like that. I just hate it when a nice boy comes along and wants to be with me 'coz I hate breaking their hearts if I tell them I hate it when people are around too much - they suffocate and a big bore. I hate empty conversations because they're absolutely pointless, and I absolutely hate being silently requested to care more when I simply can't!
So that's the truth. No point of beating around the bushes anymore. Take note!

This is an odd morning. For some reasons I feel like sharing all my thoughts in this entry.
But I'm not going to.

Two football matches to look forward to!!
FA Cup Final, Selangor vs. Perak in Shah Alam Stadium on September 24th and;
Malaysia Cup Final, Perlis vs. Selangor in Bukit Jalil Stadium on October 1st.
ooh~ I hope Selangor will win both!! That's something to see.

Alright, I should write some stuff down in my diary. Later!

This was written at 3:55 am on September 20th, 2005.

"Heroes loses first.."

- Then rises for a total win, so Dida said.
She was of course, referring to the Selangor football team.
(Really, we've been watching too many football matches these days that you can look for us at the stadium on football nights!)
Eh, but of course, Selangor fans are too many that to actually find us in the stadium would be close to impossible. Heh! I just love going to the stadium. There's just something about people of all ages coming together to a place with very bad air quality (because people smoked!) and shout vulgar words to the players who couldn't possibly hear what you said. Hihi! It all seemed amusing and amazing somehow.

So here's what I have to say about this season's team. At first, they were more like lucky to have qualified to this stage. I thought they really played horrible. They had no sense of skill, yet somehow they managed to get to the finals - so what else can you say if it wasn't luck? But after seeing Selangor playing Terengganu last Wednesday, I'd have to say that they are improving. Slightly, but improving nonetheless. The heck they should! More Selangor fans have been coming to the stadium to support the team. Selangor will be playing Terengganu again for the Malaysia Cup second semi-finals this Saturday, and against Perak on September 24th for the FA Cup finals in Shah Alam Stadium. I'm really looking forward to it even though I am a bit worried. Perak and Selangor.. well, if you ever cared about Malaysian football scene, you should know that they've been close contenders for so many years. They just have that history together. Very worrying.

To make things more "interesting", Perak and Selangor are the only remaining teams to compete for both FA Cup and Malaysia Cup - just to show that the two are the strongest teams. So no wonder if they seemed to get easily tired than Terengganu or Perlis in the semi-finals. But all is good for the FA Cup finals since they're going to be equally tired! Hehe.

Now I'm going to elaborate why Dida said that "heroes loses first." (A good example of heroes that loses first: Ultraman, Power Rangers, and practically every hero really.)
Selangor is so used to let the oposing team score first - like Negeri Sembilan, they scored 3 goals and at the last few minutes Selangor scored 3 goals and ended up winning the Premiere League by the penalty shot.
Selangor versus Perak in Malaysia Cup quarter-final, Perak scored a goal and Selangor managed to draw the game just moments before the refferee blew his whistle.
Their next match, Penang scored one goal in the first half of the game, but Selangor won when they scored two goals.
Selangor versus Selangor Public Bank on their second semi-finals of the FA Cup, Selangor Public Bank goaled first, and Selangor beat them with three goals and heads for the finals.
Last Wednesday, Terengganu scored at the 5th minute of the game.. and Selangor just had to reply with three goals!
I seriously don't get just why they had to let the oposing team score first, but it only confirms that the hero must lose first. Hihi.
Go Go Red Giants!!
*wink!*

I'm sure half of you would rather read something else than me talking about football, but honestly I have nothing much else to talk about. I'm halfway through writing a long letter for Rai (because I owe him that) so I'd hate to repeat too much of the things that's been happening around.
I really miss writing. But I'm in a major writer's block so the only things I can write are letters and this blog. How pathetic.

Oh right, Dida has taken a sudden interest to watch Land Of The Dead. I'm not really against anything scary like ghosts or zombies, alright, that's a little understatement. I HATE ghosts, the thought of them makes me restless at night but I do love watching scary movies somehow. I'd cry, but I still watch them. (which usually got my dad irritated) I told Dida that Land Of The Dead is about zombies but she still wants to see it once it comes out.
I'm not exactly scared by zombies because they're simply illogical, but the thought of them just makes me really sad. Really, watching Resident Evil and Dawn Of The Dead leaves me feeling really sad. Why can't they just die?! I mean, the thought of seeing a loved one turning into something neither living nor dead is just sad. I suppose it's a similar feeling to deciding if you should or should not turn off the life-support system of someone who has turned completely into a vegetable.
Well, that's how I think of it.

Man, I miss my boys.

This was written at 8:31 pm on September 15th, 2005.

"It'll be you and me up in the tree"

And we'll be swinging around like monkeys.
Pardon me, I'm having a bad mood but I just can't forget Marty Casey's song. I thought it sounded really good. (Marty Casey, one of the five remaining in Rockstar:INXS)

It's 3 o'clock in the morn and I can actually recall two songs with that time in the lyrics. What's with 3 am, anyways? I think I wrote a fine song with "2 am" in it. So maybe that's where I got it wrong.
It's raining outside, and the rest of my family is already asleep. I'm sort of just killing my time typing this out while Northern Ireland versus England on the TV.
I think my life has just turned really boring in one night.
I'm even sorry that Rai called when I was having a bad night. Now I owe him a long email.

So Dida told me that Nina wasn't coming on Friday, so we won't have that family dinner after all. Dida planned on having it at this pretty classy place in Subang - which we had only went once, but I just absolutely adore! Well, I adore it because I love the food - steak!! I absolutely love meat! Don't know what I'd do if I had to go on a strict no-meat diet. Anyways, the last time we went was on Papa's birthday, and since then I've been dreaming of coming there again! So I was really excited when Dida told me earlier this week that we'll be having dinner there again. But now Nina has cancelled.. I can practically see a cow running off excitedly knowing that he's got another day to live. Damn lucky cow.

This has been the longest duration I've been in a writer's block, and I'm getting more pissed with myself.
I'd usually have really smooth writing or I won't start at all! This is really.. hard and frustrating. I suppose there is a difference between the pressure I'm in right now and the last time I really wrote anything. Trying to write something good after reading PS,I Love You is so freakin' hard!! Really. And Cecelia Ahern was 22. So she's the Ireland prime minister's daughter, but I'm coming to 21 and I've achieved absolutely nothing!!
Except if there's anyone who thinks having three boyfriends that lasted for no longer than three months, and one of them didn't even last 24 hours is an achievement! (Who am I kidding? Less than 24 hours WAS an achievement! I can practically hear my friends laughing at the story again.)

Okay, I know. Life is not all HA-HA everyday, but I'm really really frustrated here!
Damn, Owen wasted Gerrard's pass and practically gave N. Ireland's keeper the ball!
So.. 20 years and 9 months just made me realize.. that I can really laugh at almost everything that went wrong in my life. And I do realize that I keep thinking that everything will somehow turn out fine for me. (I know, an idiotic idea! I'm practically gambling with life.) I realize that sometimes I am too "honest" for my own good - just the other day I said to my mom that it's probably best that I get terminally ill so I won't have to worry about money. She doesn't think it was funny and started to nag. And now I'm really convinced that I have a serious commitment issue. Really; my dear Atuk in Form 2, MMU, those people I know from there, ohh, and Arep.

I know I've been talking a lot about him, but I think he's a great reminder of what sort of a person I am.
The fact that I know he'll be around if I needed him, pretty much bores my thoughts. (Maybe I should tell him that?) Actually, every man that walks into my life and shows a little more potential than the others turns out to bore me. And I know how getting together with someone just for the sake of getting together feels, so even though I can be mean, let's not go there again. Somehow, rather than looking for some security, the picture of certainty freaks me out. You may think that I've been burned by love, but not really! Admitting to that would be a lie. I can laugh off at every single unsuccessful relationships I've had easily since I know exactly what I did wrong. So! This concludes that commitment does scare some people.
I can't write, I can't study, no jobs (yet!), I can't fall in love with a real person, I have no money, now really!!
How can I still laugh at those facts when I should be praying for that terminal illness to finally kick in so my life would be "complete".

Ohh, my job update: I turned that last one down. I think if I'm going to have to walk around places, I better have a camera man following me around like those people in Globe Trekker. But right now I'd probably should look for a job that doesn't tire me out so much. But I have to say, that was the sweetest experience I've ever had!

JAG's final episode of the season sucked!! Can't believe they let it just hang there. At least I was expecting a hanging finish for Lost, but JAG?? JAG's was worst!

Did I mention that I went to see Selangor versus Penang last Saturday? It was upsetting, despite that they won.
Selangor's fans sucked!!!
Can't believe that I sat around those people. Really disappointing. They were like monkeys coming out of the woods, only monkeys were better. I think they behaved more like moronic bastards. (pardon the languange.) Selangor managed the second goal, so what did they do?
- They jumped on their seats with the sole purpose of smashing it so they could throw it into the tracks.
So tell me, how can't I stop cheering and shout at them instead? You see, drinks flying I can handle. Vandalism in front of my face? That's too much! I love my freakin' state, and especially my boring city of Shah Alam.
Damn, and Northern Ireland just goaled.
So when this Indons (yes, Indons - probably just rooting for that Aiboy and Bambang fella) started bashing at the seats, I just felt the sudden urge to kick their faces. But then, you know.. starting a fight is just as bad as vandalising so I just shout my head off through the cheer, which they heard and then stopped bashing. Which was great, or I wouldn't be able to keep my hands by my side any longer.
So later Dida said that she got worried for me when I shouted at those men. She said bad things might have happened if they carried a weapon of some sort. You never know, she claimed. Now that I think of it, it would be okay if shouting at those morons were the last thing I do. Honestly, I wouldn't mind.

I hate bad moods. It just made me remember of all the bad things that has happened in the past week. Lousy lousy feeling.
I miss McFLY. The Store Lady reckons that the CD will only be available in two weeks since it's not released in Malaysia yet. I hate that.
McFLY sort of reminds me of Will Young. He won the Pop Idol in the UK, yet it was Gareth Gates that got to go on tour. (Gareth Gates got second place.) McFLY won the Brits Award last year, yet most of the people here didn't know who they were until I started talking too much of them - and yet, you people must've heard of Rooster by yourself.
I think I'm the sort of person who'd talk about something excessively until other people started to talk about it too, because I'm thinking about Good Charlotte. I used to talk about them just as much as I talk about McFLY these days, and then they got more famous and you start to listen their songs playing on the radio and I just stop talking about them.
God, I hope I won't shut up about McFLY anytime soon! I kinda like the fact that I'm the only one crazy for them in Klang Valley right now. Hehe!

Now I'm wondering, do you think by reading my blog made you know me a little better?

This was written at 4:29 am on September 8th, 2005.

Q: Are you willing to do do the work after the day's training?

A: Undecided - closer to a no.

So I hated the job I'm supposed to do. Absolutely hate it, no doubt! But Mr. Boss - Johnny really thought I should try it for two weeks. Ahhahaha!! Really, does my sincerity by any chance charmed any of you? It seems to work on Johnny - he actually laughed and said, "cute answer" when he read my answer in the questionaire. It's really odd! I would've thought that he'd want someone who'd be sure to work for him, and I clearly wrote, "closer to a no".

Dida said probably he saw my confidence talking to him since I had nothing to lose. She had a point, really. I think people would fidget more during interviews if they had really wanted the job so badly. I mean, I saw today the work I should be doing and I simply can't see myself doing it from nine to five, five days a week. Really, it's just crazy! So I was really relaxed for the second interview and laughed quite a lot with Johnny despite I sweated like a pig through the day and my purdah (really, it's the typical tudung but "purdah" is actually a word from the English dictionary!) was askewed.
I'm trying to quit school so I can actually start doing something I absolutely love, and if I take the job.. it's like that Malay saying about running away from the mouth of a vicious predator and into another vicious predator's mouth. (I know, it's supposed to be about two particular animals but I just can't remember it!)
So here's a tip: if you're looking for a job, don't think too much of how you want it so bad. Because,
1. you don't want to get too nervous on the interview. It's bad enough if you don't think you'd qualify for that hot position, you just don't need to stumble on your words. Confidence are freaking important, really! REALLY!
2. that job you ask for might just be not what you had expected earlier.

Now, just so you'd be so amazed by my "surprisingly talented interview abilities", I turned up at the office in the morning to find that I was the only Malay and female that made into the second interview. I feel awesome!! There were like five other guys and I sat at the end of the sofa, trying to make friends with Chong, the one who sits next to me.
Then Johnny came out, and assigned each one of us to a more senior employees to teach what we'll be doing if we get hired. So I got this guys Peng Koon and David. I think it was highly amusing!

So I was specifically assigned to Peng Koon, and he kept asking me to just shoot away if I had any questions. Right.
"So Peng Koon, you're a Virgo?"
Ekkekeke! Honestly, I must've turned dotty after a while in the sun!
Anyways, the two boys were cool. I think they did fantastic, showing me around. And I had a really unusual observation today. Peng Koon was Virgo, David was Aries; even though I'm supposed to follow Peng Koon around, I was seriously drawn to David despite he litters and was really disgusting! Really really disgusting. How odd was that?? Suppose David was really polite to me even though he's disgusting.
That's another observation I made - Aries are always polite! To me at least.
Hanis, Arep, Dar and David. (Yes, I do think you fellas were pretty polite to me.) Hanis never even made a joke about me to my face! Nor Arep, but of course if he did that I'd kick his sorry arse! Rai, Muz and Dayat does it all the time!! It's a ritual for them!
Note to self: Plan having an Aries kid so he/she'd be polite to me. Yeayy! (I'd be horrified to get a Sagittarius or Cancer or Capricorn!) Man, I do seem to need to plan this out.

Moving on: So later today I suppose, I should be meeting Johnny in the morning and tell him what I really think about this whole job thing. I was so amazed when he said I was great (honest, he really said "you're great") that I just said "yeah" when he then said, "see you tomorrow?"
I am so gullible! It's awful!!

So I'll be back to reading the Classifieds in the paper again.. Yeayy!! (I absolutely love circling the ads! Felt so cool!)
Unless my mom decides to force me back into continue studying in MMU - which is definitely on the top of my "Feared List"!
Waaarrrghhh! I hate losing more time!

On the way coming home Dida thought of buying a Rhumba, (I am such a bad influence! I AM good at making people start spending money.) Since we're at Plaza Shah Alam (the one in Section 9), I asked Dida if we could see the music store if Wonderland is in yet. The store clerk hadn't had any clue who the heck McFLY is! (Grrr) But then he asked, "would you like to order for it?" I could've sworn I heard fireworks in my ears.
Wanie: Is there any extra charge?
Store Guy: No, we just charge you for the CD price.
So then I said "okay!" in that chirpy uncontrollable high-tone of mine. The guy went to the counter and said something to the Store Lady.
Store Lady: You have to put in a deposit to order.
Wanie, turning to the lovely sister of her's: Dida, there's a deposit to order.
Dida: How much?
Wanie, turning back to the Store Lady: How much?
Store Lady: 10 ringgit.
Wanie, with absolutely no shame: Dida, 10 ringgit please!
And with that ten Ringgit, I have now a piece of paper that said McFLY Wonderland CD, Wanie 019-39*****. Excellent!! I know I just got a small paper, but it's just as excellent!!
So now I'll just wait for their call! Ooh call me! Call me soon!! I'll just die if I had to wait for months and months for the CD!!

Okay, I am awfully pooped right now. Hopefully I'd be able to use my legs by this morning, as it's been threatening to pop out since the afternoon. It'd be just horrible if I get paralyzed even for one day!

Sorry I was late for yesterday, Muz.
Dayat, I hate you.
Miss you loads, Hanis!
(I'm coming to miss the four of us together when I'm especially tired. Sorry.)

This was written at 12:47 am on September 6th, 2005.
Edited at 7:27 pm of the same day.

A ring at 9:35 am.

God, it's a wonder how I could even hear it when I only got to sleep two hours before. Maybe I was sort of expecting it. You know Jupiter - bringer of a world's worth of luck!
As House would've said - "I should never doubt myself."
ekkekeke!!

So I got the phone call.
The one that tells me to come over for a second interview and a job briefing after that.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!
I am so pumped!! You have to excuse me, I felt really bad some hours after that interview. Been paining myself, thinking what I should've said, all those witty remarks I could've made.
So on Monday, I'll make myself more presentable so they have absolutely no excuse to turn me down! I mean, honestly, I was all scruffy that day. Muz said I dressed so casually. Really bad first impression - unless they were looking for an English-speaking idiot like me after all!

I suppose it wasn't just luck that got me the chance for the second interview, but you know what they say..
You are your very worse critic.
And Muz "kindly" said that they must've seen something interesting about me, maybe my looks - 'coz it couldn't be the brain. Yeah, my friends are so NICE.

Anyways, Danny has a new guitar! Looks like his old one, but it's totally white! So glad that I have a video of their (McFLY) latest performance on CD:UK! So so happy!!
So so excited for the next interview!!

And this sounds appropriate for my anthem now:
I'll Be Okay by McFLY

When everything is going wrong
Things are just a little strange
It's been so long now
You've forgotten how to smile

Now overhead the skies are clear
But it still seems to rain on you
And your only friends
All had better things to do

When you're down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you're down and lost along the way
Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay

Now things are only getting worse
And you need someone to take the blame
When your love is gone
There's no one to share the pain

You're sleeping with the tv on
And you're lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world
Would never help me to forget

When you're down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you're down and lost along the way
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay

You're not alone..

Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay
Won't you tell yourself?
I..

When you're down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you're down and lost along the way
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay

my first job interview!

it went great!! really! i think it was a lot of fun!
it was by far the best thing i've done this year.

but i believe i did borrible! ekekke!! i was so nervous! but i can proudly say that my English didn't fail me. heh! it'd be so exciting to get the job, though. advertising trainee.. awesome!

anyways, putting daydreams aside, despite my nerves, i think i did okay answering his questions. but it all went crashing down when he asked my salary expectation. eeek! first i said i don't know, but he insisted that i give a number so i boldly say.. RM2000?
WAHHAHAHHA!!
honestly, who would've want to hire someone with absolutely no qualifications nor experience for RM2000?? WAHHAHAHAH!!!

then he asked if i was shy.. i said, "no".
then he asked, "do you have a boyfriend?"
and i automatically said "no". man!
then he said, "so then you must be shy."
aaarrrk!!
and i said, "it's just a lot of work, and i don't have time for that."
aaarrrkkk!!!
the more i say, the worse it gets, eh? at first i claimed that i can work hard for a lot of money and now i say i don't even have the time to work for a boyfriend?? something must be wrong with me! ekekkeke!! he must think i've never ever had a boyfriend that he assumed i was shy. man! i shouldn't have told him a straight "no"! can't believe i couldn't think of the boy-friend speech!! urrghhh!

so now i'm up for another interview. i know absolutely what i shouldn't say. heh!
interviews are so cool!!!!
(but really, i don't want to spend the rest of the year going to interviews and not getting the job! i want the job!!)

so that was my day. hope your's were as fun as mine! hihi!

this was written on 1:38 am, August 30th

now i'm going to bore you with my rambles.
but you must've liked it if you've been visiting this blog for a while, right?
so at the moment, i am sort of having fun looking through the papers for a job. feels.. older even though it's not exactly what i like to do right now. and yet it's what we're all doing - getting older, might as well enjoy the ride. (God, i sound so corny!)
corny - hackneyed; often heard or repeated

i told dida first that i got an interview for later today and she was so worried. she was half-hysterical when she told nina, i presumed. thought i would get myself into something that might actually lead me to "selling myself".
then i laughed hysterically.
do i look so untrustworthy?? dida once believed that my flabbiness was actually beer-belly!
HONESTLY, WOMAN!
she's just really crazy, i tell you.

then i told mama about the mmu letter and the possibility of me, quitting school. (yes, i am considering leaving school.) the idea has been around for months actually, and i've only told her yesterday. i think she loves the idea that i'm getting a job but she hated the leaving school part. she's thoroughly convinced that i should change faculties instead.
me in management. can anyone picture it?
muz can't. she laughed off the idea like i was going mad - and so was i, for even considering it.
but as dida said, i'm still living under the roof that's been provided by my parents so technically, i still have to listen to them.
yes, i do. no matter how rarely, but i do.

i'm sorry that my parents had to have a child like me.
i think the only good thing i brought into the household were my stupid jokes.
must've been really funny that papa laughed at them even though he's not in a speaking term with me. (we had a fight about 10 days ago about the house keys. really stupid, and yet both of us are just too egoistic to do anything about it and just live life like we're simply mute when we're around each other. but really, it wasn't my fault! *wink!*)

ohh, i'm sort of glad that most of my friends had found this blog even though i never gave them the url. at least now you guys would know what i am up to even though i never called.
and that, you have to actually blame the stars!
so happens that this book i have on sagittarius, said that "sometimes months, or even years, can go by without a word from them." exactly me. and muz. i swear it could've looked as if we never cared about each other.
ohh, i found out that i'm actually a double Sagittarius!
if you love astrology as much as i do, you should look up for something that's called the Rising Sign. it's the zodiacal sign that could be seen rising on the eastern horizon at the time and place of your birth. supposedly it represents a personal part of the horoscope. (explains just why me, dida, muz and britney spears are totally different people even though we're all Sagittarian.)
i think my rising sign is freakily true. so maybe you'll be freaked by your's too!

okay, back to the job hunting topic.
hopefully i'll get really lucky and get to snag the job! but if it went terrible, well, then i'd just have to find something else, now wouldn't i?

i wonder if mama really thinks i should take management. my long term goal would go out the window if she tells me to stick. *sigh* i've already wasted 3 years. sungguh wanie taknak dah ganyut baru dapat achieve that goal. isyk!

as much as i'm "enjoying" growing up, i simply hate becoming 21. it's a stupid idea. we should all skip it and turn to 22 instead. i feel so stuck at becoming 21. almost an adult, but not just yet! so instead of just making your own decision, you have to make your own decision that is APPROVED by your parents. stupid stupid age.

i want to make money!!! (maybe i've been watching The Apprentice too much.) i don't really need to be filthy rich, but i'd like to have money just whenever i need them.
ooh~ the books i've been paining to buy. (what a geek!)
okay, i think i'm boring myself. i'd better spare you too.

right.

layout updated.
sangat merepek. i was totally uninspired while doing it, so i had to fall back to my usual giddiness for danny.

i do think i'd cry on the day he gets married.

..then Mac said;

"Your interest always fades when I might actually be in the position to return it."
Zing!
I love JAG! I've always loved JAG, but I keep forgetting to mention it to people. But I have to be honest, just as most of the tv shows I love, I love it for the wrong reasons. So instead of remembering all those law terminologies, I'd remember the cool lines conversed between Harm and Mac. Like I love Ally McBeal when Billy was still around. Those unspeakable tension just excites me. What's going to happen? What's going to happen?
I think if someone really said that line to me, something must be really wrong - with me. I wonder if Harm gets the intensity of that line.

It's been such a long long while since I last post an entry, yeah? So how can I sum up the past month into one reasonably lengthed post? This will probably end up as a sad attempt but I can promise you, I'm going to try hard.
Starting from the most recent ones since I can still remember them:

My father passed me a letter from MMU today (August 25th). In it was an official letter with this scary looking paper 'coz it was red. To summarize it up, the letter was basically to ask me, to tell them if I'm still a student of MMU or I wanted to leave instead. Time's ticking and I only have until next week to inform them. Man, I need to get a job and I've been saying this to myself for months!! I told Rai about what I've decided to really study and he kindly said that I'd be great at it. (Bodek kot?) Dude, I love you but you scared me that night that I almost cried, so I hate you! But seriously, thank you Mr. Azraai Abdul Manaf. (note: I typed his full name here so the rest of his family could find this should they decide to Google him out.)
So I've talked to Muz, I've talked to Rai and they were both very supportive. Even though their support doesn't really make me any braver, but I suppose it's nice to actually know that I've actually done something right when picking my friends. (Although.. I think they were the ones who picked me!) Well, thanks anyways! You guys are the best!! (Especially Azraai! Yeaaah, bodek balek!)

I think I just might be one of those people who's afraid to be a success and so I hide behind my failures because it is the safest thing to do. I'd be hated, with no obligations nor responsabilities. Like guys trying to dump their girlfriends by making her dump him first. Yeah, I can see the book clearly now - Memoirs of a Wuss.

Is there really no way to trade my looks for a bit more brain? Maybe I can lose a bit of hair, I wouldn't mind.

On Wednesday (August 24th) Dida came home from work bearing a surprise.
Dida: Are you coming?
Wanie: Ehh? Where to?
Dida: Go get shower, you smell like tomatoes.
Wanie: It's to repel the skunky smell coming from you.
Okay, seriously the real conversation ended at my "Where to?" 'coz at that moment Dida took out three tickets for the football match between Selangor and Perak at the stadium. Sweet! And all I can think of while in the car on the way to the stadium was; "Can I still curse like a mad woman like I used to?" I was really worried that I had forgotten how.
Turns out, that I still remembered! All thanks to the freakin' refferee and the lousy shots the Selangor players made, and the "amazing" Perak players. I swear, they must've taken some super advance class for acting or something. I must have called out "lembik" (sissy) at least a dozen times that night. Stupid diving tactics. I just hate it when football players act like they were in so much pain when just a moment afterwards they could get up and run happily again. Sheesh!
Despite all those things, watching football in the stadium was excellent! I can barely care about the smokers 'coz I love being surrounded by crazy people who just loves doing Mexican Wave all through half-time. Some people are just so amusing!

The latest music I listen to; I've been following TRL these days since I'm simply comfortable by being a bum, but none of the songs featured was half as amazing as Rossa's new album! If you understand Bahasa Indonesia, you'd simply understand how beautiful her songs are. Simplistic, yet deep. Well, maybe it's just me but I'm really in love with this album. Dida was so crazy about it that a week after she bought the cassette, she went back to the music store to get the CD.

The latest book I read was PS, I Love You by Cecelia Ahern. (Finally!) And it was a really really good book! I suppose it is some sort of a chick-flick, but the whole storyline was amazing. It's amazing how one could truly know the other person. Of course, this may only happen in books - which is why they are simply wonderful! PS, I Love You is about Holly coming to terms to her husband's death.To her surprise, Gerry; the husband, had sent her a parcel of letters to be opened each month with assignments, so she could start moving on with her life. The whole things was sweet. I think I cried about four times all through the book. It's just amazing! And hilarious! My mom thought I was possessed for giggling at 4 o'clock in the morning. So if you like crying as much as you love to laugh, this is the book for you. Really.

Ohh, I do love crying. Once in a while. But my heart isn't as exposed as it used to these days so the book was a real welcome for me. A good reminder that my heart hasn't turned to stone.

As for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, it's not worth mentioning.
It's not even worth the RM100 for a copy.
It was lousy, an upset, and a whole lot of other crummy things. Everything just started all too sudden and ended just as abrupt. Like Harry and "the girl". (I thought how he found out his feelings were just lame!) Ron and "the other girl". (Hah! Don't make me start!) How "the one who died" - died. (Really!!) And suddenly everyone around was snogging each other's faces. What's up with that? As Nina had said to me; "More like a social problem."
Oops. I mentioned it after all.
Well, I think I'm giving Rowling a blessing to work on the final installment for as long as she needs to write the perfect ending now. Take four years, go ahead, I won't whine about. Even if she thinks Harry should die at the final page, I just hope she'd write a super showdown between him with Voldermort or Snape or Bellatrix or the whole Malfoy family or all the Death Eater for all that matter, just as long as it's good and really good.

Right! Dida bought me a new pair of Converse, and I'm adoring it. It's black, white and red. Just excellent! So in six years, I've worn four Converse shoes! My first pair was stolen actually and I still curse the thief everytime I think about it.

McFLY's new album is coming out!! Suppose I'm still into those fellas.

So that's it! Wow, the entry wasn't half as long as I thought it would. Okay, so it is long, but really, not as long as I imagined it. So you pretty people who had been checking this blog out for an update, thanks - although I couldn't understand why you did that.
Dearest Hanis and Dayat, miss you guys so much. I think I have loads of thing to share with you guys. And to my no-longer-evil-twin-because-now-I'm-the-evil-one, I miss lunches with you!! And again to Azraai, my dearest peeve, the earliest person who's been my friend and still is, thanks! You're still as good as I remembered and seems to me those German air doesn't change you bit! Okay, maybe a bit about the hair.

Okay, now why am I all hollering? Because I don't know when is the next time I'll have another post!
So, take care, people!!

Ohh right, fingers crossed!! I have an interview for a job that I'm not so sure what it does tomorrow! hehheh! This is going to be soooo interesting!

PS, Find Langdon.

ekekekke!
now seriously,

PS, live, love life!
Selamat Hari Merdeka!

Biar by Rossa

Jangan kau pergi lagi meninggalkanku
Sepi kusendiri
Jangan kau buat aku terbalut sunyi
Kini kau berada dekat denganku

Biar, biarkan aku mengisi ruang dihatimu
Karena ku slalu memikirkanmu mencintamu
Biar, biarkan cinta bersemi didalam hatimu
Jadikanku bahgian dihidupmu, dijiwamu

Ku tak bisa berhenti menginginkanmu
Hidup terasa hampa tanpamu

Biar, biarkan aku mengisi ruang dihatimu
Karena ku slalu memikirkanmu mencintamu
Biar, biarkan cinta bersemi didalam hatimu
Jadikanku bahgian dihidupmu, dijiwamu

Jangan kau buat aku terbalut sunyi
Kini kau berada dekat denganku

Biar, biarkan aku mengisi ruang dihatimu
Jadikan kekasihmu yang setia kepadamu
Biar, biarkan cinta bersemi didalam hatimu
Jadikanku bahgian dihidupmu, dijiwamu.

PPS, I am sorry for the long silence.

story of a butterfly.

i saw a butterfly in the Commuter train today.
it flew aimlessly around the coach, but into my direction.
it sways freely from left to right, until it stops at my right arm and sits there.
you would've believed it was trying to tell me something if you saw it, but when i tried to touch it, it flew away and i could no longer find it.
probably it got off at KL Central to catch the Putra train..

pardon the somber entry. not exactly in a brilliant mood though i'm really REALLY eager about HP6.
only 5 days awaaayyyy!!

quicky.

well, a quicky at typing here, but i've written some things for the past couple of days!
sori, merepek sket.

by the way, i've added some new little pictures!


Kathleen Kelly, you're an inspiration.

for someone who can barely remember the people that has really been an inspiration, i put her at a very high place in the heart. to those who has never heard of Kathleen Kelly, she's actually a character from one of my favorite films, You've Got Mail. i saw it again just now and it pretty much remind me just why i love the film so. i mean, what's not to love? it's about book and bookstores, love, connectivity and communications, and writing emails! hihi. well, i always thought the storyline was beautiful.
if you hadn't seen this film, i truly recommend you fellas to see it. i don't find a reason why anyone should dislike it.

connectivity is a wonderful thing.

so here's a thought, when was the last time you really really connect with someone, for a reason to just get to know them?
[1:42pm - July 5th, 2005]

it's your face again.

(before i start, i'm quite sorry if what i'm about to say had never happened to any of you readers. i do realize that not all people are the same, and the chance to actually find someone who is exactly like me.. well, that's very slim, yeah?)

don't you think it's amazing how strongly you can feel for something or someone?
okay, my situation; it was a certain face of someone i fancy on telly! ekekke! and don't you dare tease me for the incurable crush. anyways, feelings are still feelings - doesn't matter if the person is someone reachable or not, people still feel what they feel, yeah?

now now, moving on. so the last time i saw him was in March - or at least, a footage that was done in March which I kept playing all through my school break! hihi!
so it has been three months and it was really luck that brought me to click the remote control. so there he was...

so here's a thought; don't you think it's just amazing how you could get a surge of gladness inside of you in a second? and i was actually getting 'better' from the crush. ekkeke! what amazes me most was how observant people can be.
'cause i noticed every detail on him. the clothes he wore, and his hair is longer, but still messy! ekkeke!
and i was quickly reminded of last week when i hung out with my "evil twin". it's been so long that i haven't seen her, i couldn't help noticing that we were both wearing a long sleeved black top, blue jeans and sneakers. hehe!

oh well, i know this is such a long story to tell you my point, and the point being; a surge of emotion could do you good every now and then! hihi.

make poverty history!
[1:20am - July 5th, 2005]

"it's amazing what dreams and lots of money can do."

a line Sandra Bullock said to Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice. i have to admit how true that is, and just how hard it is to be someone with all the power to materialize those dreams.

i'm sorry if you're a frequent visitor of this blog and probably hoping i'd tell you my daily activities or some wise thoughts - which rarely happen! everything seem to just sprint through my mind and not one thought stayed long enough for me to grasp so i could tell you all about it.

but i do have this to tell - i think i'm pretty much becoming the person i'd like to be. hehe! yes, confused and all. i suppose i'm appreciating myself more these days. more in control of things - or at least, know what i'd like to control! out of five resolutions i wrote down early this year, two of them has already happened. and this one other is pretty much likely to happen! so - yeaaayy! good for me, yeah?

the other two was.. eheh! save up money - which is getting harder since i'm spending more time in KLCC these days. (i ADORE Isetan's supermarket! hihi!) and the last, get my grades up! hohoho! as much as i'd love love love to do that, i think i'd be as much happy if i get to maintain it. (wow, so not me!)

anyways, i have a whole new perspective of life these days and what i'm searching for, what i'm craving for, is exactly what i can't get from the path i'm going through now.
so here - expect to read a chirpier entry once i've changed my path, yah!

make poverty history, folks!
live, love your life! as Plato said, everybody is fighting a harder battle than you do.
[12:59am - July 4th, 2005]

study well and take care fellas!

the more i wait.. the more i wonder..

doesn't seem right but it is what it is..

feeling soo much like a lost cause.
have been for a while now, and i still haven't figure out what my next move is..

okay. done typing for the day.
(currently at the school library. not exactly the right place to stare at the screen while i think what i'd like to mumble next.)

my mom does a lot of gossiping.

WOMEN!
so i'm sitting here at my mom's desk at her office, practically freezing up all my bones. this was not how i planned to spend the day. i'd prefer jumping onto a plane and fly off to some foreign country! hohhohok! you know that's not going to happen anytime soon.

nothing much to tell at the moment. i'd rather spend writing my thoughts away in my scrapbook right now.
so...
here i go!

have a great day, visitors!

caffein - schmuck.

i've always loved the thought that caffein/coffee could help you stay awake.
but maybe to just some people, 'coz it does nothing for me!
but i still love the thought... hehe!

so today i went to class as usual.. feels a bit weird after the long long school break. i got too comfortable at home that the mere thought of sitting down and listening to some lecture just puts me off the mood.
but anyways! my dad said something that just forced me to pick myself up and got to class this morning.
class was a bore since i'm taking the subject that i've taken a year ago.

YES - i'm a repeat student.
NO - i'm not stupid. just reaaally lazy. but if you really think about it, me being lazy is quite a sign of stupidity. i mean, nobody should be lazy, yeah? but i picked lazy over 3D, so..
YEAH - i was pretty stupid.

all through class i was text-messaging cik ila; half-drawing, half-planning what we'd like to spend the afternoon doing.

so after my class was over, (errr..) we head on to midvalley and well.. just had lunch and fooled around in MPH Bookstore!! it's just odd how anyone could have such loads of laugh in there, but laugh we did!
might even go to Kinokuniya either tomorrow or the day after!
ME LOVE KINOKUNIYA!!!
can't wait 'til July 16th!! (but i guess i just have to deal with it!)

okay! err.. bye?

sports week.

the last weekend has been pretty much like an all-sports week for me.
i was catching up to golf, and there's that odd indianapolis F1 race.
both finals was this morning actually, so you have to understand just why my English is bound to be horrible this morn.

Tiger Woods lost to that Michael Campbell(?) person by three shots. quite a nobody, yeah? so happens he has been missing the cut for a couple of years and this year, he even won! i suppose this year's U.S Open was for the 'nobodies' to make their name. 'coz since the 2nd day, Jason Gore has been leading the pack. (i know - who??) by the end of the 4 days, Retief Goosen couldn't manage to defend his title and rest at +8, Gore at +14, Phil Mickelson +12, Woods at 2 over. quite a disappointment, but i guess you could say that the weekend belongs to Michael.

- Schumacher included. but the win was very disappointing. i mean, what's a race with only 6 cars on the track?! pathetic! as much as i like Ferrari to win, winning without a real competition is just SAD. just because of the safety issue about the Michelin tyres. honestly, i don't mind some bumping cars in the race! that's what makes the race more exciting! ekekke!! but it does bother me if Ralf is the one who keeps getting accidents. click here to read more.

i'm sorry if you got bored by the sports talk. to be honest, i'm not really sorry.. i just thought it'd be polite! hihhi. well you know, if you don't like what i write in here.. you can always visit somewhere else!
cheerio!

happy birthday nina!!

if i was to live a normal life.

okay okaay.. what is normal anyways?
i suppose my definition of normal is when everything is just what it seems.

my life hasn't been that way for a very long time. my life these days seemed more surreal. everyday i woke up to some serious thought that goes on through the day and made me feel like i've been dreaming all along.
is this by any chance, understandable to you?
some other times the thoughts i had through the day continues onto my dreams.
it's just.. weird.

on some lighter topic, don't you think i've been doing too much of this lately?
pondering on something i have no answer to, and write about it? i suppose i don't do these bits too often as i report my daily activities.

just last night i filled in my old man on my thoughts and in response, he asked me;
"how did your thoughts come to that?"
- i really don't know.
(i only asked for his view on God's plans when a child dies young.)
i suppose i ask too much.
i suppose it could be true that Sagittarians are philosophical and spiritual.

i do notice that i've been pointing at my date of birth at times like this.

"The Journal of the Late-Bloomer"

that would be a great title for my autobiography, wouldn't it?

insert laugh here you must think i have a really high imagination or just forget to rationalize. with this rate of 'maturity', i even wonder if i could be as successful to write myself an autobiography. or if i'd bloom at all!
what ever happens to the innocence of our wishes, eh? why do we keep rationalizing our hopes?
i should know because i'm doing it right now! i'm rationalizing to my most deepest, craziest desire - and i don't like it one bit! i'm practically putting myself down for the one thing i adore most!

when i was little - in standard school; as if on protocol, the teachers would ask, "what do you like to be when you grow up?"
so what do i want to be when i grow up this time? doctor? engineer? architect? honestly, when i was little, there was only 3 professions exists! ohh, add 'lawyer' to the very short list. i have to wonder why wasn't i told about the other jobs that are just as well paid and respectful!

you have to understand the disappointment i had when i realize how bad my memory was, to learn and remember little things meticulously if it might become a life and death situation. that just strikes off 'doctor' from the list. and i've never felt strongly for cars or machines, thus 'engineer' was struck off too. ohh, i have to mention that i was a lousy mathematician - still am, really! then i saw a ray of hope in law. i loved watching Ally McBeal so i gotta love law, right? WRONG! despite the fact that my mom once said that i'd be a great lawyer, it turned out that my quick wit and lightning-speed response in conversations was - as a matter of fact - just tactless sarcasm. that goes about right since i am after all a Sagittarius. then it's time to strike off 'architect'. buildings ARE fantastic! i have to admit that i'd truly enjoy travelling if only to watch the buildings. *sigh* too bad that the buildings that inspires me were the ones with historical values, and for me to to design a building just as moving as i was moved, i would have to become an architect about 200 years ago.

then i went through high school, my form five class teacher HAD to have the answer to that question again. imagine the pressure i had as i listened to 3/4 of my classmates answered breezily to the seemingly easy question before me. i have been reasoning with myself the whole period as the teacher goes through one by one student according to their seat placements. then she started on the final row, third desk from the back, right next to the window. (i must say, i had the BEST - but very distracting - seat in class.)

"Ida, what do you want to do when you finish school?"

errr.. probably something like computer design..?

i had NO CLUE what i had just said. after all, i haven't figured out what i really want to do right then, and i had to decide what i was going to do for life? computer design sounded fine at that time. i heard IT was going to be really huge! companies would open wide their arms for computer design graduates! (you wish!) after all, i love taking care of my website then. i did design the layout and the little buttons on it! i have mastered doodling on paper and it's only time someone should take it to the next level. i should be wonderful at this!
i was gifted.
at least, that was the idea!

little did i know what it was. it still is what it was - a HOBBY.
i am three years too late to realize this, of course. life could be really different if i hadn't taken this road.
i probably wouldn't mess up my computer over 'image-manipulator' softwares. i probably hadn't tried coffee in Starbucks. i wouldn't have known the people i've met in the last three years. you probably wouldn't find this blog on the internet!
but you know what? if i had to give back the last three years, there is this one thing that i certainly will be doing the same....

[it's been a really long time since i wrote something like this, hasn't it?]

3 years too late..

*sigh*
i wish i had thought about things earlier on. i suppose "we'll see how it goes" doesn't work too well with me.

this is not a very good day for me.
it was a little fun - but i didn't deserve to have any!!

okay, i'm so deprived of sleep for the last two days that 2 cups of caffe mocha from Delifrance and Starbucks couldn't even help. good thing that i'll get the rest that i need tonight! just can't wait to get back home!!! (i'm in KL right now)

dizzy dizzy.. @_@
and rather... terrified.

hummm..

i really had something to say just now but all seemed lost after reading this.. awkward entry a friend had posted on his journal. it's like one of those things that you wish you hadn't read 'coz now you're stuck to thinking about it.

i'd say.. knowing what you want it great.
but knowing EXACTLY what you want.. can become quite troublesome.
- as it has been for me. troublesome, but a bit.. satisfactory. hehhe!

i'm talking in circles!
anyways! today i went to campus and saw cik ila. we did some 'serious business', actually. i even went to ID studio and talked to mr fariz. huehhuehh. i like him-lah! not in that "wrong-exceed-student-teacher-boundaries" way, rest assure.. i find it comforting that he seemed to really want to help. me like nice people!
gives you hope for the whole world.

okay. i'm yapping unnessecarily again. me - out!!
(i think i'm actually missing the little fellas i'm actually missing..)

So Little Time by Arkarna

Took a while to drag me out of bed,
Aim some coffee at my head,
Saw the clock I'm running late,
It's an ordinary day.
And I'm like a dog on heat,
Knock one out and then fall asleep,
It's sad but true,
I'd rather be with you

Don't you forget about me,
When you're a celebrity,
It will be only you and me
Before too long.

So little time so much to do,
I rather spend my days with you,
So little time so much to do,
I'd like to spend one day with you,
And if that day is not enough,
Maybe we can stay in touch,
But i'm not making plans for tomorrow,
For tomorrow never comes.

Said I've been celibate for years,
Not out of choice theres no-one here,
See I can't give my end away,
Another ordinary day,
And I've love to see a little more of you,
You're clothes would look better on my bedroom floor,
bedroom floor,bedroom floor.

Don't you forget about me,
When you're a celebrity
I know you're busy,
But we all need somebody - before too long

So little time so much to do,
I'd rather spend my days with you,
So little time so much to do,
I'd like to spend one day with you,
And if that day is not enough,
Maybe we can stay in touch,
But i'm not making plans for tomorrow,
For tomorrow never comes.

Never comes
never comes
for tommorow
never comes

okay, let's break it down together now.

F1 in Canada last 2 nights.. must have been the best "show" yet! with all the incidents and drama. i saw the first black flag last night! i was telling my sister months ago how i've never seen the marshall waved around the black flag, but that night - they did!! to Montoya even!! wahhahhahahahha!! *very evil laugh* i know this seems SO biased, but i'm REALLY not fond of the "Monster" - or so he was called 2 seasons ago. haven't been winning podium much ever since, have he?
and the two Renault retirement - BRILLIANT!! ahahhaha!! i very much dislike Alonso for being the proud-pompous-racing git i've ever seen. it's not business - it's purely personal! ekekke!
so, in the end only 11 cars left on the track, with Kimi in first place, Michael second and Rubens third. i bet no one saw that one coming, yeah? hehhe! i'm surprisingly fine with Kimi getting the podium, actually. since last race's incident he had in the very final lap, i can't help but feel sorry for him. most probably because Alonso was the one who gained something from the incident!
and did you notice Malaysian own, Michelle Yeoh amongst the Ferrari crowd? hehhe!
ohh, the commentator said something really interesting last night; out of nine years the race have been held in the Canadian track, the safety car was released in seven of them. SEVEN!! just how much incidents can it handle?

so this last weekend has been pretty... illuminating. it's AMAZING how in-touch you actually are to your surroundings isn't it? i've had my more than two months of school break, but three days before new term starts.. three days.. my body decided that it should get down with a fever!! ekkeke!! just how much do you have to reject the inevitable? but i'm getting better as i am typing this out. (i BETTER be!) i have like a long list of to-do's just for today!

i read on Sunday Star about this Malaysian born writer; Tash Aw. humm.. what can i say, yeah? okay. honestly.. it was inspiring.. and i felt a bit.. disappointed for not knowing what i wanted to do when i was in school. Tash is now based in London, he just got his first book published by Harper Collins (which, if you're a fan of books, you'd know that it's a very well known publisher) and he actually studied law, but in his mind he'd always wanted to write. the feeling i have right now, would most probably close to envious! roawr!
ohh, and especially when i keep remembering how darned lucky Emerson (of Mugglenet) and Melissa (TLC) when Rowling called them personally and invited them to the press conference she's holding on July 17th!! (yes people.. i AM talking about Harry Potter again..)
JUST ONE MONTH AWAY!!
ohh, and i've seen a bit of the teaser of the movie and some small cuts of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire that's coming out this November and well, yet again, they are messing up the book again!! *sigh* a bit disappointing but being the dork that i am, you can be sure that i'll see the movie anyhow.

okay, so you are surrounded by the knowledge of how far people can get when they put their minds to it.
now don't you wonder why you are still where you exactly were and practically unmoved??

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n
~ Eloisa to Abelard by Alevander Pope

happy birthday, blog!
(it's been up and about for 3 years, yesterday. sorry that the layout hasn't been perfected yet. there's no frontpage on the pc i'm using at the moment, so i'm quite blind seeing too much of html tags in one day.)

one long post.

ohh, i apologize if my English turns out a bit crappy. it's been pretty rusty lately.

heyy there people!! i suppose i HAVE been missing typing my everyday out for everyone to read. (weirdo!) ooh~ and i'm also missing mugglenet and portkey!! the news i have missed, eek!!! anyways, just a week left to the long long school break. to tell you the truth, i think this has been the best school break yet!! i should've find a job to get a few bucks (at least that's the most rational thing to do with the 2 months break) but i had too much fun doing almost nothing, skipping my showers and just talk with my sister through the month! hehhe! and she's been bringing me along to some fun things like movies, shopping, karaoke and bowling!! (mind, i feel like i'm starting a writing version of Globe Trekker right now!)

karaoke is not my thing, though. as much as i like singing, i don't think my voice sounded for the better when it came out louder than it should have been. *sigh* but shopping, movies and bowling (in that order, please) are DEFINITELY what i wish to do for life! ekkeke!
ohh, and i bought - rephrase - Dida bought me Dan Brown's Deception Point and that concludes my collection of his works to date! he's a really good writer, i tell you! it's amazing how he can write a day's worth of events on 580+ pages! ekkekke! his stories were intense!! so if you like reading, Dan Brown's is a MUST!!
i also made Dida bought this cool book about Sagittarius and that one was really fun to read. and i suppose Kinokuniya are going to do something like what they did 2 years ago on the day Harry Potter came out! this is SO EXCITING!! and i've got this cool ticket from pre-booking. heehee! ME LIKE VERY MUCH!

i remember out all the albums i've ever bought all my life just to see how weird my taste were (and probably still are!) so i actually have two Chinese albums which were Zhao Wei's, one SMAP (Japanese band which one of the member was Takuya Kimura!), a Cardcaptor Sakura soundtrack, Cayote Ugly soundtrack, Pokemon First Movie soundtrack and Beautiful Life soundtrack. Two KRU and one Elite (wakkakakka!!) Two of Spice Girls, three of *NSYNC, one Britney, B*Witched, Westlife, Lifehouse, Brian McKnight, Linkin Park, Sixpence, Evanescence, New Found Glory and McFLY's All About You. ekkeke!! i think they were all too mixed matched for me to find out what my true favorite genre is.

okay, one social message; at Starbucks Coffee now you can buy this yellow rubber wristband cost RM5. by buying this wristband, you're actually supporting the National Cancer Society Malaysia. so people, this is a good cause! CELEBRATE LIFE!
hehe. i thought, if i've been supporting Comic Relief all this while, i should at least do something on my own land for once. :D

*sigh* a week left to the break. i'm sorry that it had to end.. o well! still many things to do, places to go.. take care people! see you guys soon!

chakk!!

just a quick post!
actually hijacking dida's boss' pc at the moment! ekekeke!
just a really quick message to tell you to listen to this song!! i thought it was cool! ekekeke!

Goodnight, Goodnight by Hot Hot Heat

It's not enough to hear me say you've won
You only wanted me for having fun
But now I think you've gone and had your way
And left me with a pile of bills to pay
I can't even rewind the tape machine
To listen to your drunken reasoning
So here it is - your final lullaby

Goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing yourself
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So Goodnight

I've given up on social niceties
I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys
Along with all your records I can't stand
You never even listen to any one of them
You're never gonna drag me out again
With all the people that were never ever even your friends
So here it is - your final lullaby

Goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing yourself
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight

A little bit of rain I'd say is fair
But when it starts to thunder they all stare
This isn't goodnight, this is goodbye...

So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing yourself
Goodnight, goodnight.
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight

take care peeps!!
McFLY is still cool.. Danny's still in my mind!! ikkiki!
lotsa love!! (i'm in a such good mood, it's almost terrifying)

school break!!!

okay. my dad is on his way here so i better post this one last entry and really pack all my things and plug this computer off.

so people, i probably won't post for a very.. very long time, so until that time,
TAKE CARE!!
and have fun!
have LOADS of fun!!

witch - out! =)

now. bored.

i think trains ARE a great place to write. i mean, it's at least not as shaky as busses! hehe. and it offers the same 'change of views'. let see, Rowling got her idea of Harry Potter while she was on a train and Walt Disney first drew Mickey Mouse while he was on a train. so maybe one of these days i'll get a brilliant idea of some kind for myself! hihi.

*sigh*

ooh~ this song just gave me the chills! for the first time today i listen to it loud enough that i couldn't even hear myself think.
i suppose this song is a bit sad. but it has this touch of strong-ness, so i gotta love this song! and Delta Goodrem's voice gave the best feeling to the whole song, so.. bravo! hihi.

Not Me, Not I by Delta Goodrem

You mixed me up for someone
Who'd fall apart without you
Yeah you broke my heart for the first time
But I'll get over that too
It's hard to find the reasons
Who can see the rhyme?
I guess that we were seasons out of time
I guess you didn't know me

If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprise, that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry
No not me, not I,
Not I, no not me, not I

The story goes on without you
And there's got to be another ending
But yeah you broke my heart it won't be the last time
But I'll get over them too
As a new door opens we close the ones behind
And if you search your soul I know you'll find
You never really knew me

If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprise, that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry
No not me, not I,
Not I, not I, not I

All you said to me
All you promised me
All the mystery, never did believe
No I never cry, no I never not me
Not I

If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprise, that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry
No not I, I won't cry
No not me, not I
Not I

ohh, i think Yukira posted this song somewhile ago on her blog. =D
good taste, yah cik Yukira!! heehee!

all of whats!

hihi.. had this bit of idea during the weekends.

1. what's weird.
- how somedays i can feel like the smartest person in the whole world while some days i feel like the biggest idiot.

2. what's dislikeable.
- bad looking boys giving their worst pick up lines. and roaches! really quick roaches. (i even HATE!)

3. what's cool.
- Comic Relief and RND. and guitar too, of course! guitar and drums. heh!

4. what's annoying.
- watching a movie on Astro, and 15 minutes before the ending, it RAINS! (has happened to me three times to date!)

5. what's impressive.
- guys who are in touch with their emotions. hihi! who are not afraid to actually let people know his thoughts. ekkeke!

6. what's envy.
- dida talking about the prospects of her being sent to overseas for her job! (roawr!!)

7. what's fun.
- catching up to your bestest buddies and your sisters! a big day of shopping is fun too! hahha!

8. what's scary.
- a dream with you just receiving a love letter. (that particular dream woke me up one morning, actually! hahha!) okay, other scary things would be my over-thinking, over-analyzing and high imagination thoughts.

9. what's amazing.
- great actors and writers. authors, composers.. they are all just amazing!!

10. what's sad.
- seeing a loved one in trouble but you are of no help 'cause you simply can't.

11. what's funny.
- life. no doubt about it!

12. what's lovable.
- rat!!! well ratman, i suppose 'coz i don't really love the ones that run around dirty places! so it'll be that guy i can never have 'coz he's just one of my silly little crushes; sir laughsalot!

okay! 1:30! i ought to get some sleep!!

WARNING

blogging marathon starts NOW!

the fingers on my left hand is now SORE. really sore. in fact, typing this isn't comfortable at all. but heyy! in the name of the school break, i better type out simply EVERYTHING of ANYTHING! heehee~

in this post, i am going to thank Hot Frets for helping me tune my guitar. (good thing i'm not tone- deaph deaf!)

i've put away my guitar now since my fingers are too sore for me to play a single note right.
and i'm gonna have to push back my plans on buying Rot3F cd, if i'm going to buy some book for guitar-idiots like me. (the idiot's book is rm70 in MPH!)

"excuse me, do you have change for 20 cents?"

*giggle*
that was actually how my 'pretty long outing' started yesterday.

so yesterday i didn't return to my apa-to (apartment in japanese) 'coz.. i don't know. lack of self-resistance, probably. i took my own sweet time doing that law paper and got out with the very few people who stayed 'til the end of the two hours period.

i jumped onto a bus before i was even sure i really wanted to leave. i mean, it was already 5pm and that means i have just about 2 to 3 hours to come back to cyberia safely before it gets too dark out.
i got to midvalley around 6, and after a quick trip to the loo, i went straight to get my comfort food. (guess. something not too cheap and cheesy! hihi.)

then i walked off the calories (yeah, exactly!) around the mall and got myself two guitar picks! - which i just bought off quite randomly; according to the COLOR!! ahhahaha!!
then i went to MPH and as usual, find myself cursing at self for allowing myself to be tempted by the books! roawr! honestly, i never find a day when i went into a bookstore and see nothing that i want to buy. ohh, and then i found Room On The 3rd Floor on their cd racks!! so to lift off a bit of guilt, i called dida to ask if she thinks it's okay if i buy it. heehee.

and guess what? she said she was on Federal Highway with my parents, and then turned towards Midvalley 'coz i was there! all four of us ended up walking around (dida was surveying shoes) and later.. i followed them back HOME! ahhahaha!!

anyways, i got back here around afternoon today but i couldn't bring myself to type out anything. but since i'll get back home for good tomorrow..
EXPECT A SUPER-OVERLY-EXCESSIVE BLOGGING 'TIL I TAKE THE PLUGS OFF TOMORROW!!
wahhahahaha!!

see you soon! *wink wink!*

an untimely happy.

hihi.
had a pretty amusing weekend. i was sleep-deprived, mind. but roughly i had a good time. been following the Augusta Masters (golf) with papa most mornings 'coz i can't get to shut my thoughts (when i tried sleeping). so how boring am i? - to actually follow GOLF, of all sports. (if you can call it a sport!) i wonder if any of the F1 drivers are interested in golf. i mean, that's a real big difference there, isn't it? hihi.

ohh. and i coudn't help myself laughing as i watched Man United lose to Norwich City by 2-0. to set the records sraight, i AM a Man U fan, but how lame were they; to lose to Norwich?? a bit pathetic, really. *sigh* so i simply couldn't help..
i miss having Beckham in Man U. *sigh* not too fond of him being in Real Madrid, don't know why. so i'd usually get hyped when it's the World Cup Qualifying with England on telly. hihi!

now i can't make out why i started rambling about football!!

ANYWAYS!! dida just got off her plane late tonight.
okay first, last thursday when i visited nina, she said dida had called and told her that she (dida) had a surprise for me!! little ole me!! heehee! and dida told nina what it was, and just wouldn't tell me. nina described it as "cool" and had guessed what it was before dida had told her.
SO! my weekend was entirely spent thinking what this mystery present was! hahha! it really bugged me that nina could have guessed it and i had NO IDEA WHAT SO EVER! (probably 'coz i want too many things that i can't just guess ONE! ahhahaha!!)
SOOO! i was watching the telly at the waiting area in KLIA (Trump just gave the apprentices their assignment) when mama called me out and said she's seen dida. so i looked where she was pointing and yeah! dida was walkin towards the exit..
and on her back.. she was carrying.......

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!!!
couldn't help but forget telly and run towards her!!
i gave her an extra hug when they all sent me here afterwards! hihi!!

i thought the pic looks a bit cool! the guitar was reflecting my computer screen and even my other hand which was on the camera! heehee!
okay. now i ought to go to sleep if i want to wake up early tomorrow and study for Media Law!!

can't wait for the break and "study" my guitar!!!!!!

Lindsay Lohan ni memang laa..

so i finally watched her new music video; Over, and guess who played as her "boy" in this one.. DREW FULLER!!
ahhaha!! remember those posts where my IQ had decreased because of him? *lol* if you can't remember who the heck he is, Drew is the young white lighter guy in Charmed, Piper's son that came from the future to stop Wyatt from turning evil. hehe!
and Lindsay's going to appear late this year with a movie called Just My Luck(?) - i think that's what it's called! it has something to do with Vegas and luck. hehe. and in that movie.. there'll be the boys from McFLY!! yaaaaaaaah~!! (by now you should understand why the title for this post is Lindsay Lohan ni memang laa..!) lucky indeed! =P

going to get shower and off to my mom/sister's office in a bit! thought of having lunch with nina, but she had plans with her friends. and somehow right now i'm feeling like i'm going to miss not having dida at home when i get back later today. *sigh* (i really hate not having my sisters around! wonder how it'll be when dida gets married! eeech!)

i've been repeating Rob Thomas' new single lately and don't you think that the song is just funny?? well, i honestly like the song but it's very.. pop-ish don't you think? very unlike Matchbox 20. and what's funnier was the video!! ekkeke! i guess since it falls under pop, Rob would think moving his rear end to the beats was okay. *lol!* just.. funny. from cool rock-ish songs like Disease to booty-moving pop! but i do like the new single! i DO!
but this morning i'm going to post the other song that i've been over-listening to since yesterday! (don't worry, it's not McFLY! *lol*) i think this song sounds so.. wonderful! (but i don't think it's "wonderful" enough for parents to approve! *lol*)

The Ghost Of You by My Chemical Romance

I never said I’d lie in wait forever
If I died we'd be together
I can’t always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home, never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever, ever, ever

Get the feeling that you’re never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs, in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home, never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home, never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall
If I fall (down)

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home

And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home, never coming home
Could I, should I
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna..

100 days away from Half-Blood Prince!! *cheer cheer!!*

food is good.

now i'm certain that i'm in a much much better mood than yesterday! fuuh~ i actually took the last 20 hours to finally get back my normal mood! how freaky was that?
the 8-9 hours of sleep last night might have helped. and the sugar. hehe! loaads of sugar. i had the worse craving yet, late in the afternoon! i had to went to the shop even though it was raining outside. (such a bad time to crave for some junk!) and such a spoil that the shop didn't have any chocolate, so i had to settle with some twiggies, a big bottle of soda and a bag of chips - and voila! better mood. heehee!

i didn't know what i did for the rest of my day, but i only checked on mugglenet around 5pm and their latest news was about a downloadable countdown calendar on scholastic!

it hasn't started yet, gotta wait 'til tomorrow for some fun facts or any special features to come out from the calendar. (tomorrow = 100 days away from HBP!) the wallpaper is in shockwave, so sometimes an owl would swoop across the screen! hehe! i might get back to my old wallpaper if it weights down my already slow computer!

hihi! it's actually an illustration of the marauders; which i just ADORE! i don't know who did this wallpaper since i took it from a HP site, but i gotta love the person who did it!!

another reason for the much happier note is probably 'coz i finally get to download the video i've been wanting to see yesterday! weeeee~! *lol* i know, i get upset for the silliest things!
okay. i know it's really early and everything, but i think i do need to get to sleep sometime soon. so..
goodnight world!

...someplace else.

humm.
despite that i don't even feel like typing right now, i actually feel the need to at least try to explain the frustration. weird? yeah. anyways, i just feel like a real good-for-nothing person today. just a stupid existence and a major waste of space. there. and now, i could just hit my head for even saying that 'coz i SHOULDN'T! this is such a weird day; i'm just really emotional and maybe a bit more dramatic than i usually am, i don't know. morning was a rough start, and it didn't even get a bit better. okay, maybe a bit when i went for lunch after the exam with the girls but afterwards it just got worse. got hit by a realization; on how hard was the exam paper. i felt real stupid for leaving out as much blanks as i did! GOD!! obviously i'm not among the people You love. ooh~ don't get me started on that subject or i'll just cry. SO moving on.. this head. i wish this head will shut up and stay quiet for at least 5 minutes! just 5!! i actually thought of 11 topics that i could write out on this blog since yesterday! and what's frustrating, when i finally got myself in front of the pc, they all seemed to just flew off and left me quite dumb. i don't think i'll ever find anyone who gets mad at herself/himself as much as i do. maybe i'm not as lucky as i thought. *scream!* i'm doing it again. no, i AM thankful for all the luck i keep getting. i just.. want to cry. *sigh* i'm not making any sense, am i? been trying to explain myself but it's useless! i'm just too frustrated about everything right now. most probably frustrated with myself for being so ME. me who knows exactly what is right and wrong, but keeps on ignoring the things i should and shouldn't. me that knows exactly what she wants but simply isn't working her butts off for it. me who is smart, but wasting all of her time fooling around and do moronic things. me who wishes for all the things she couldn't have if she keeps on rambling in this blog. yeah. useless. how did i get this way? i wonder if my family thinks of how useless i am as much as i do. maybe they do. couldn't blame them. i'm slacking off too much. too spoilt and too care-less. useless. definitely useless! *sigh* blame the world for being so big that i keep wishing to explore. blame the internet for resetting the connection while i was downloading a file. blame music for being so beautifully created. blame myself for being the 87% sagittarius that i am!

Help! by McFLY
(listen to the Beatles' if you like!)

(Help) I need somebody
(Help) Not just anybody
(Help) You know I need someone
(Help)

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I've opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

And now my life has changed in oh, so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like
I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now those days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I've opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me
Help me, help me..

bluerghthh!! *ugly word here* i hate myself.

i seem to have the weakest control of my own self.
let's just say that today hasn't been the best day of my life. very bad to the head really, since i don't posess a single way to shut up my thoughts!! *screams in frustration!*
maybe i'll write more when i'm in a better mood.

in the mean time, piss off!

hey, rat!

okay. i have about 15 minutes to type this out.
it's been.. not a very good morning.
i had only 4-5 hours of sleep 'coz i was too nervous to rest.
went to Finance around 9 and thank God that there wasn't even a line, so i could finally talk to that finance person man.
so he has un-barred me so i could take the exam but i still can't register for next semester's subject. blaaaah!!
i was rather panicky earlier this morning, but considering the procrastination.. i guess i wasn't panicky enough. heh! you'd thought that with all these worries i would've at least quit the slacking off, yeah? *sigh*
o yeah, while i was talking to that finance person, i found out that he had mastered the art of not picking up a ringing phone! amazing, yeah? he simply ignored the ring and it simply wouldn't stop!

9 minutes..
okay. take note that with this time left, i am going to work on the post for before this one. i actually wrote about it at home but stupidly forgotten to copy it into a disc to post it today! *hits head*
okay.
wish me luck for digital animation!! i MIGHT need it. =)

..like falling in love for the first time.

2:00am saturday. i KNOW i was going to see it on telly and my heart STILL pumps a beat faster. must've seen it dozens of times already and yet it still excites me to actually see it on a bigger screen. so i've been watching the video for countless of times on my own computer, but seeing them again on MTV at the same about of time i first saw it, brought that little joy.. and a weird sense of pride in the chest.

it's probably alike falling in love for the first time.. as if you just opened your eyes from one deep slumber and the brilliance of the light hurts the eyes but made you giddy at the same time. as if the time you first set your eyes on that perfect person and you just couldn't see any bits of them that was out of order. the emotions that took you over were simply overwhelming that you just couldn't make any sense to any of it. you couldn't believe your luck that the perfect person - your perfect person was right in front of you and now you could just reach out and touch them.

and there i was - falling in love for the first time.. again.

*giggles!!* i know i knoooww. that's a bit TOO dramatic to describe my feelings towards A VIDEO, i knoww! but i was feeling mighty giddy at that moment, and was smiling like a fool - 2 o'clock in the morning; should be a bit scary, yeah? hihi!

disclaimer: i am NOT going to give any credit to MKA; my first really serious crush when i said "..like falling in love for the first time." hahha!! i DO get a big pang in the mind when i just realize my feelings (if there were any!) towards someone, thus resulted to that part when i "described" my "first love" - which is all the time, really! *lol!*
can't really compare your feelings when you'd naturally become crazier and more lame the next time, now can you?

ooh! please read the "love" above as "like like"! love sounded a bit too mature, i think!

oooh!!

mugglenet is EVIL!!
i said earlier to watch your back, and then i just got myself shocked with what's in front of me! roawr!! emerson's a riot. *sigh*

okie! birthday wishes to people who don't exist!
happy birthday Gred and Forge!!!
the sole founders of managable mischieves! it's their fault really, that i've solemnly swear that i am up to no good! hahha!
and also..
happy birthday Sakura Kinomoto!
kikkiki!

okay. i'm still barred by the stupid Finance Division, and i've tried calling them. you would've expect them to at least pick it up once in a while, yeah? what's the point of posting your number when you won't pick up?? morons! grrr.
and the line outside their office was reaally long!! and i was there early 10am! how inconvenient! so maybe i'll get my exam slip printed on monday. (d'you think i'll manage?) grrr. MORONIC FINANCE PEOPLE YOUUUU!!!

ps: i'm not as frustrated as i might seem, actually. quite surprisingly cool about it! (despite i didn't get an on-campus residential, didn't get my loan, couldn't pay my fees, barred from printing the exam slip and registering next sem's subjects, having my digital animation paper on monday and not being able to see hanis fly off back to japan.)

such a weird april friday, this is! *giggles*