A ramble before I sleep.

I was thinking about a silly thing that has kept me smiling all day.
Few weeks ago I was talking to Muz about music, (we're bestfriends for 8 years and I hadn't known her favourite music 'til then!) and I mentioned Coldplay and she moaned. Okay, I suppose I was slightly put-off by her moan since I love Coldplay. Well, not really. I don't exactly love them since I couldn't care about all their songs, but I absolutely adore some of them like In My Place and Scientist, and of course their latest single Fix You. I think that three had really amazing words in it and I just can't help falling in love with them since the first time I heard it.

So anyways! I rambled on to Muz how much I love Fix You and how lyrically amazing it is while she unenthusiatically listened to me. Since then I've been pretty quiet about the band as Dida hated them too. (She couldn't accept that Chris Martin can sing the way he sings and sell millions.)

Then last night I found out that my imaginary boyfriend thought the same way that I did about the song! hihi.
By the way.. imaginary boyfriend - do I need to say his name? It should be enough to say that he's the same British music-man that I've been yapping about since the last few months. (What's the point of having an imaginary boyfriend if he isn't British and plays music, eh?)
I'm turning into my pathetic mode here because I'm going to say: that it's amazing that the boys in the band list out 10 of their favourite songs and six of dear Danny's were in my playlist! AHHAHAHAHHAHA!! (See, I do realize that it's utterly pathetic to have a crush on a celebrity. It's like middle school all over again! ahahhaha!!)

Coming out of pathetic-ness now.
I now pretty much know Muz' favourite sounds, favourite football and F1 team. It's funny to think that I hung out with her and Dayat and Hanis all the time but we never ever talked about music or sports - which I think is the most basic topic that anyone should talk about. It's just weird realizing the difference of the topics discussed between boys and girls, 'coz I had always known Rai's and Arep's favourite English football team. (The reason that I gave that two names - they're the only two boys I've known for more than 5 years and still talk to.)
Hmm.. Just realize that I no longer talk to the guys I got to know pretty well last year - and Rai laughed at the thought of me being an anti-social. I AM!!
Now, why exactly is that people close to me doesn't seem to take my words seriously?? (I can almost hear them laugh at this.)

Fix You by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

wrong number.

Today, Suhana tried to give a message to a boy named Naim.
Guess it was fate.. that her message got to my phone instead. hihi.

As always, I'm bored again.
Trying to find McFLY's songs right now, (that music store hasn't called, which I'm not so surprised nor disappointed) but the connection stinks! Can't wait when Dida gets Streamx for this stinking computer. (I'm connecting my cpu 'coz Dida's old computer was worse and her laptop's modem is somehow messed up - NOT my fault in any way.) And now somehow, the connection is getting slower!

Supposed to break-fast with my good twin later today, but something came up. Bluerthh.

Okay. I'm horribly uninspired at the mo, so I better shut up.

Rogue

I might regret to actually say this here, but I think I'm starting to understand my slight fixation for her a little more.

Possibly odd, but quite logical when I think about it.

But I am still intrigued by the fact that she can have anything she wants and yet, what she wanted most was the only thing that she can't have.

By the way, if you haven't figured it out..
I adore Gambit!







*sigh*

Hilarious!

I found a website that counts my compatibility with celebrities, and this one feature lists out my top 5 matches.

3 of them were younger than me!
Including one Jeremy Sumpter; the kid who plays Peter Pan in the movie!
ekkekeke!!

Don't blame me for the silly things that happened to me.
My only sin is boredom.

I love James Blunt!!

Okay, not exactly especially love him or where would I put the rest of the McFLY boys, yeah? hihi.
I was watching MTV Ask and I just love the way he answered them. Really British, really sarcastic, and reminds me of someone that I can't figure out. He seems so familiar yet I can't remember of whom exactly.

When a girl wrote in to ask what he thinks of himself as a sex simbol, he had this really weird look and said something like he always thought sex simbols were the pretty girls with blond hair. Then as he flip the other card to move on to another question he hoped that it has a better question. haha! I can't ever remember an artist being so - BLUNT. ekekkeke!

Then someone asked how many times did he have to jump for his You're Beautiful video clip and if he's a good swimmer. The person also added that it must be freezing. So James said he jumped twice because the director wanted him to jump slightly to the right the second time - which he said was idiotic when jumping a 50 foot cliff. He also said he can swim just fine, and that we CAN notice that it was chilly by looking at his niples. ekekkeke!!
Honestly, who ever said that on television?

Oh, the final one was cool. It was by Denise from Malaysia. She yapped that she loves You're Beautiful and what the song is about, (having a moment with someone you don't really know) and asked that now he's famous, is he going to find that girl?
And James pretty much question why would he go find that girl, "I do have a life," ekekkeke! Then he confessed that he knew the girl; it was his ex-girlfriend but she's with her new boyfriend. They did caught each other's eyes but said nothing and he hadn't seen her since. He added that he doesn't know where she is, but she knows where he is.
A little sadistic sweet if you think about it.

Man, if ever one of my ex-s wrote a beautiful song like that for me, I'd run across the state for him!
Unless of course, he's really boring and this song would've come as a miracle! I would probably give him a hug and run across the state from him. ekekeke!

Anyways, James Blunt picked his favourite question and said, "this CD is for you, and the rest - go buy it." I must add, that he didn't say it in a cheery friendly sort of way! hihi! I think it was hilarious. It's almost like he doesn't like people!

Now I'm thinking.. why do I find sarcasm funny? I mean, it shouldn't be that funny right?
Oh well, I'm ending this post with James Blunt! Adore this song - you can actually write a story from it!

You're Beautiful by James Blunt

My life is brilliant

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
f*cking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful.
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you.

There must be an angel, with a smile on her face,
when she thought that I should be with you

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Now I shall find out James Blunt's zodiac sign. Maybe then it'll remind me of that person he reminds me of!
This was written at 1:30 am on October 12th, 2005.

Yesterday..

I chopped 6 inches of my hair and it doesn't look half bad. Now, I feel superior and shall move on to rule the world!
No - too small. I shall rule the universe!!!

In an odd sort of way, I think Danny is my soul mate.

AHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
Pardon the delirium - I'm bored out of my skull here. I see no way Danny could really be my soul mate; he's Pisces anyways!
But it'd be nice to get to know someone similar to him. I think he laughs a lot and it gave me the impression that he really loves life.

Me like.

Okay. *blink*

This was written at 3:12 pm on October 11th, 2005.

REFE-REE BO-DOH!!

That's what I'd say if I was in Old Trafford for the World Cup Qualifying between England and Austria! Come on, red card to Beckham for nothing at all? That referee seriously had something against the England captain. He hardly do anything wrong, and now he'll miss two matches. That sux!
The only upside that I can find to this was that he gave that captain band to Gerrard! insert silly giggle here

The new Survivor is on ntv7. Now I'm trying to think what I shall say about it other than the obvious - it's called Survivor Guatemala, the two tribe names are Yaxha and Nakum. Since it's only the first episode, I can't think of anything to say! I can't even say that I'm excited about it since I haven't seen anything interesting yet!
Though.. I do love watching Jeff Probst on telly again. insert silly giggle again here

Anyways, today for the first time this year.. I cook!! I never cook at home. Everyone else does everything for me. (NOT a proof that I am spoiled! The conditions are hard to explain so I won't bother.)
So, I was bored.. and I was watching a repeat of America's Next Top Model on V, Elise was talking about eating pizza for dinner and it made me hungry for tomato sauce and cheese. It was 10:30 pm so I don't think Pizza Hut is still open. Then Dida got up and checked there was Prego (the tomato sauce for spaghetti) inside one of the kitchen cabinets. I figured, I had nothing else better to do and Dida was down with a cold, I better do something nice. hehe!
I know.. spaghetti must be the easiest thing to do in the world! Especially when you have the sauce in a jar, so it hardly considered as a good gesture. I don't think I come anywhere near toil-ing! But still.. it feels nice to do something for other people sometimes. I'm usually the jester but also the one who ticks other people the most, but tonight, I was the nice maiden! hihi. It felt goooood.

Okay, that's all I have to say. It's raining out so I should take the opportunity to sleep!
I miss.. no one tonight, how odd. Well, 'til next entry!

This was written at 1:34 am on October 9th, 2005.

Now now..

I should have done this update the last time, but pardon you.. I'm a busy woman. (HAH!)
So I updated the layout. Very simple, I was lazy, and it couldn't be "corrected" (broken links.. yada yadaa) until the next time I get online again - which will be the time you'll be reading this!

Humm.. I don't really have anything to tell, though. Nights had been super quiet since the end of the football season. *sigh* But I read today's paper today about Selangor's going to play in Bukit Jalil stadium starting next season?? Well, that's DUMB! I hope I read the article wrong. Anyways, opening season match in December 3rd between Selangor and Perak! How exciting!

Now lets talk about Ramadhan. It has only been 3 days and already I can't think of what I want to eat for break-fast. I love food.. I adore them! But somehow I have achieved to a stage where I am sort of bored of it. And that statement makes it even weird because when I'm bored, I usually eat! (That is of course, VERY wrong since I hardly ever eat anything healthy.) I'm getting headaches trying to think what I want for break-fast tomorrow! *drowns self in stinky pillow*

Yeah, I'm in my bed with Dida's laptop.

I believe my indecisiveness is killing me. You see right now, I'm thinking that I might start a job next week, but in my head I am sort of trying to screw myself over and say no to that. Why? WHY??? Nobody was born to be lazy, right? So why the heck am I so friggin' lazy?? Bluerghh. I can't be staying at home so I can watch what happens next in Sunnydale (Buffy The Vampire Slayer at 5pm, Starworld) or to those X-Men fellas! (X-Men Evolution at 6:30pm, Cartoon Network) Ooh~ television do rots the senses in the head. But I don't think the Oompa-Loompas were right about the kills imagination dead. My imagination is fine, thank you very much! But - well - maybe it's because I read as well as watch the idiotic thing.
**refer to The Complete Adventures of Charlie and Mr Willy Wonka (the book!) p171 - p174.
By the way, did you know that I didn't bother to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the movie? I've read the book and I never thought Johnny Depp was attractive, so that's it! Kills every reason to spend money in the cinema.

Obviously, I'm rambling.
I need to spend less time typing crap, that's what I need.

This was written at 2:00 am on October 8th, 2005.
I love you most when you're with me.

Stars by Switchfoot

Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinkin' maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast and maybe
All my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself

Stars looking at our planet,
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe star to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinkin' 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a world beyond our own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Began to look like home

I've been thinkin' 'bout everyone, everyone you look so empty
But when I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars, the stars
I feel like myself

Everyone, everyone you feel so lonely
Everyone, ya everyone you feel so empty
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars
I feel like myself
When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone

My father surprised me today.

(Technically, it was yesterday.)
Of course I know that he's very different from my mother (other than the occasional PMS moments when they pick a fight with me) but he really surprised me. Well, I was just reminded how much freedom he has given me.
I'm just glad that my father is in fact, mine.
I know we fight sometimes and it can get so so bad.. but I think, if I had any different father.. I'd fight a lot more and a lot worse!

Maybe some people had wondered.. but my relationship with my mother isn't really bad. Sometimes I do talk about her, right? Well, my mom can be excellent sometimes, but to achieve that I just had to have less conversation with her. Huuhuuu. I know, it's a bit sad - I know I don't want my children to feel this way in the future. But me and my mom are really like chalk and cheese! I am extremely blunt while she's really sensitive. And I don't think she can stand the silly stories I tell. And I'm impatient while she likes to make me repeat what I say. And the nag! She nags a whole lot, and I'm just unable to shut my mouth and listen. Me and my mother has a really disfuntional communication but God, I love her!
And dear God, I know that I upset her when she sees me hugging my father all the time, but please believe that I'm trying!

So yesterday, my father told me that he'd be fine if I shall find work outside the country. His exact words were, "I encourage - no, I wouldn't mind if you went. Wish I was as adventurous. Well, I wish that I had the chance!" Of course, my father had a chance to study architecture overseas when he was young on a scholarship, but he had to decline. He had to stay back and took care of his siblings. He's the eldest of ten so he had to find work and help his parents instead.
It's a sad story.. I bet you can make a soap opera out of it but I think that's what made him the man he is now.
Because he had to sacrifice what he had wanted, he is now giving me the chance to do what I want.
I should be so thankful to have been admitted into MMU.. but o well! I'm the spoilt last child of the family, I'm supposed to be the black sheep. My parents made it clear when they named me.

Okay, I make a fuss about this all the time and I'm going to share about it with you.
You see, in my name, there's an extra letter to it and it had always bugged me. I have 11 letters in my name while my sisters have 10. And their name goes Har-- while mine goes Haz--. It just bugs me!
I do feel like a black sheep even without mentioning about the name thing. I am proven to be the stupidest of three. Now now don't try to think of fake nice words to console me, 'coz I'm really fine. I'm getting so good with this self-critisizing thing that it doesn't lower my self-esteem in any way. hihi!
I wonder how Nina and Dida made their life seemed so easy when they're in my age. Eh.. okay, my life IS easy right now, but how come they don't wake up one morning and feel like they've been doing the wrong thing all the time? Humm.. And how come their dreams seemed so achievable?? (Nina dreams of being a full time housewife while Dida's just "to make lots of money!")
And mine.. My dream is to wake up one morning feeling happy and contented with life. Too subjective, I know. Here's an advice, if you start to think about life and self-satisfaction.. STOP!! It CAN'T be good. hehe.

I'm going off-course!
My father is cool and I can't imagine having any different father! I love the fact that he's one of the very few people that I can talk to about just anything. And I mostly love the fact that I can upset him as much because that only means that he cared so much.
To Papa, today is my Father's Day because on this day.. I am appreciating you the most! Happy Father's Day!!

good thing he doesn't know the url to this site, I'd HATE to know how he'd respond to this ooey-gooey things. ekkeke!

This was written at 3:15 am on October 6th, 2005.

*blink and stare*

I went to sleep at 6 am and heard nothing when my mom and Dida usually hustled to get to work in the morning - until I heard Dida and Papa talking. And the weird thing was that it was already bright outside, I looked at at the clock and it was 11 am. So why the heck is Dida at home??

Dida got into an accident. She's fine, but her car isn't. She was on her way to work, near the Shapadu toll and a stupid car hit her from the back, and then her car skidded and collided with the car in front of her. I was expression-less when Dida told me all about it this morning 'coz my brain was still half-asleep, but now that I'm fully concious, I am starting to feel really ANGRY!!! Stupid woman who can't keep her eyes on the road!!!! Nak mampos agaknye!! If anything happens to my sister... *grunt in distress* I've always wanted to beat the hell out of someone.
Just thankful that Dida came out unharmed. It's just.. I've always avoid thinking about the worst case scenarios because I hate to. So I hate that stupid woman who bumped Dida's car for making me think about things that could've happened! DIE WOMAN, DIE!!

*sigh*
And now I shall breathe and de-stress so I could talk about something else.

Humm.. apparently I have nothing else to type about.
Funny.. when I was in MMU, I just can't be too long away from the internet. Now the only thing I miss about it is updating this blog and downloading songs. I'm definitely turning into one of those anti-social type. eeeek!

Take care, people!

This was written at 4:41 pm on October 4th, 2005.

And here's my question for the day;
why does boyfriends doesn't seem to get along too well rather than girlfriends?
I'm talking about real boyfriends, and not a boy who happens to be a friend. I watched Friends on Star World today and it's that episode when Ross and Mike tried to hang out but ended up having awkward silence.

So! Looking through experience, I've never really saw my friends' boyfriends get along. They mostly kept quiet around each other. What's that all about? Some challenge for the ego? I don't mean it the bad way, I'm just voicing out my curiosity. All I know, they CAN be friends if they were in fact buddies to start of with.
Girlfriends can be pals with other girlfriends, and girlfriends CAN be friends with other boyfriends. I know I handled myself just fine around my friends' boyfriends. (Can't blame me if someone liked my eyes. ekkekeke!! *that was an inside joke that I don't expect all of you to understand*)

Muz gets along with her sister's boyfriends, which I think is a blessing for the sister, since my sisters simply hated the boys I liked through the years.. well, all except one but I shouldn't say his name now. (I'm letting your imagination run free! ekekke!) I got along fine with Abg Min when he was dating Nina, and I get along great with Zul. (Hanis') But of course, Zul is great 'coz I can team up with him to tease Hanis! ekkekeke!!
Humm.. now I'm starting to think that my friends just dislikes all the guys I liked, because I don't think Rai would like my choices either. WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY TASTE??!

Or maybe they think that I'm just too good for those guys.. ekkekekeke!!

Anyways, other than that.. I've been noticing lately that "girls" these days like to go out with their boyfriend plus a girl friend that tags them along. Now, why is that? I really have nothing against that, but I must've seen three pairs of that the last time I went to the mall. Muz smartly said, "maybe because there are more girls than boys," well.. yeah! But.. three pairs in one day??
Ohh, but that day I did saw Kaer (AF2) with a girl and another boy. Hihi! I definitely have nothing against that. Two guys and a girl, I've always liked. Hihi! (Btw, Kaer was such a smart dresser! And tall.. and cute!)

I'm going off the subject.
I don't expect to get answers anyways.. Just wanted to wonder aloud about the things I've seen the last couple of days.
Me English bad. Head function not. Itch, mosquitoes bite and sleep not enough. Well, I just don't feel like proof-reading for this post.

This was written at 4:32 am on October 5th, 2005.
I'm definitely a child of the night. No, a child of wee morning.

eeeek!!

I can't believe my eyes..
My dream job is in the paper!! Alright.. not exactly my dream job, my father's jaw even dropped when I told him about it two months ago. (- that I'd love to work in Kinokuniya.) ekkekeke!! He'd probably cry if it was really what I dream of!! Anyways, I've always liked the idea of working in a book store. What do you think? Should I call?
Well, there is a downside that I would spend my work hours reading books than doing my job instead.. but a book store!! Kinokuniya!! I'd be great! heehee.
Muz would probably laugh at the idea, but she knows me too well! Ooh~ but I feel I should call.

Ohh, answering to Fariz' sms since I can't reply through my phone since it's past the airtime access, (hihi!) why am I attending interviews? - because I like talking about MYSELF! ekkeke!! Not really, (but that's half right or this blog wouldn't exist!) I'm more like.. just had a revelation that I'm getting older and I've been spending my time doing things that I don't like, being the person that I hate and to remind myself that I CAN change that.. Maybe you haven't been spending your time reading this blog, (of course you haven't! You shouldn't, anyways!) or you would've known this. It's nice of you to actually ask.
Ooh~ I definitely need to get a job, I only have RM5 in my purse. I'm even worse than Rosie Dunne!! eeek!!

Now to think about it, I mighty feel like the revelation I had seemed almost like a middle-age crisis! Only that I'm only 20 to be having that. Could be that I've gotten very mature...
AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I need to stop cracking myself up in the middle of the night.
Maybe being born at the crack of dawn just made me very active in the wee of morn. Possible, yeah? Ooh~ If only I had the mood to write everytime I came up with a theory. I'd probably have written a book full of it by now.
Now I'm missing my slambook. Well, a slambook of Muz, Dayat, Hanis and myself.

The other day when I talked to Muz, I brought it up and she immediately smiled so wide. Thinking back the days when I talked and wrote all my stupidest thoughts. (mostly boy-related, I'm pretty sure.) Of course, in Form 3 it was all about a certain boy and I rarely shut up about him. I'd probably laugh 'til I cry if I get my hands on that slambook.
You see, when Dayat moved at the end of Form 3 we split the book and gave Dayat the first and second - which was the "juiciest", I think - so she could remember the best of us that she left behind. The third and fourth were kept by Muz.
I really don't get people who hated their high school. Mine was the best years I've had in my life.. no matter how stupid I had been.

Right now I'm thinking about the badminton tournament me and Dayat joined. Mid Form 3, the start when I started being friends with Azraai again. We were all in the same class, but the only times he spoke to me was when he teased me about Haikal - which then I return with a same magnitude of joke on him and then Arep laughing at his side. (Form 3 is my best year, so bear with me reminiscing.) Acap invited me and Dayat to join, at first we said no but somehow we changed our minds. I was pretty glad to be paired up with Rai (by the way, the tournament was for mixed doubles) despite the slight awkwardness at the beginning. I used to get so jealous at Dayat though, for being paired up with the really really cute ustazah's son, Syukri. kikkiki!!
Me and Azraai lost horribly but being a gentleman that he is.. he told me that I was great. (Of course I laughed out loud at the obvious lie!)
I had probably told this story before, sorry! Just that it's funny remembering about badminton. Me and Muz cheered on Atuk at his doubles match, oogling at Syukri while I laughed at Dayat.. No one from our class made to the second round, by the way! And our class had the most entry in the tournament!! ahhahahahha!!!
Gosh, my younger days are so funny!

Alright, today's goal: get up before high noon, call for appointment (maybe!), write.. something, get a shower and.. stuff my face with food!!
Selamat menyambut Ramadhan, semua!
And to Dayat, happy belated birthday, dear!!

Ohh, I just found this song in my sister's computer. Hihi.
Goodbye by Air Supply

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say, but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

This was written at 3:40 am on October 4th, 2005.

REFE-REE BO-DOH!

*lol* Of course that chant don't matter anymore now that Selangor has achieved the treble win from Premiere League Cup, FA Cup and Malaysia Cup! As Dida bragged on, "Good thing we can't enter the Super League or we would've won all four major leagues!" *lol*
Selangor won 3-0 over Perlis and I have to say that my hero that night was Jamsari Sabian, the goal-keeper! He was absolutely.. excellent! Okay, I know that Bambang Pamungkas was the one who scored all three goals, but I still think he's a lazy arse who just waits around until the football gets to his leg or head! Ooh~ my favourite people that night were definitely the goal-keeper, that bleach-haired dude in jersey #5 and Elie Aiboy. My least liked.. Yusri Che'lah for being a sissy and dived too much. (Even though he was once a Selangor player.. the traitor!)
Oh right, a BIG shout out to all Selangor fans who were stuck in the jam before getting to the stadium. It was crazy! We went out from Shah Alam at 5:30 and only settled in a seat at 7:45 pm! Moronic traffic polices, that's what they were. A huge waste of the government's money. Good thing I loved football too much to ruin my night by harrassing those morons instead.
Alright, I'm stopping the name calling now.

Nothing beats the feeling of shouting and screaming your head off at the stadium. You definitely can't get that at the "comfort" of your own home, in front of the telly. Too bad for Nina who still have two little kiddies to look after. She longingly wished that she was there when we told her about the things that happened at the stadium.
Like this one time when the match has ended and we were walking towards our car, a guy said to his friend, "Selangor was excellent! Even Man U had never won 3 cups in one season!" *lol* Strangers are so funny when they're happy. heehee.

Thank you thank you to Dida for getting me the ticket and Papa for tolerating the drive to and fro the stadium! Can't find any better football-buddies.
To Arep (*if you had actually found this site but lied when I asked), did you really went??
*he said that I'd surely write about "a subject we were talking about then" in my blog, then I fumbled and asked if he'd found my blog, and he said no.. it's just that knowing me, he expects me to have a blog. Very.. suspicious, yeah? But I don't think I'd mind much if he really do have this url. Shameless, I am.

Humm.. that fella, is really... something.
Honestly, the longest I've had a crush was from Standard 6 to the mid of Form 2. Err.. okay, that WAS long but I can't help it! Those were the stupid days, and I had only liked him for his looks. The more I heard of him the more nauseous I get. heehee!
Muz said something to me the other day. She asked, "Doesn't it make you feel something?" She reckons that people waited on me because they seem to think that I am worth the wait.
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
Well, that was my first respond. I'm boring, selfish, ignorant, curse a lot, and the fact that I smile a lot is just because I'm dotty most of the time - so why the heck would anyone would prefer wasting their time on me? And then Muz just looked at me with her semi-serious smile, so I had to stop rambling and give her words a thought.
Which.. I can't remember ever thinking of it that way. I guess I never thought myself as "important" to anyone.

And that's where my other thought came in. Possibly.. just probably, I think that way because I am the last child in the family. Don't know about the last child-s out there, but I always feel like I have to announce my presence to people. Suppose I have two brilliant sisters to measure up with, so I don't expect people to notice me when I'm not trying to be noticed. (Like the way I think, you say? kikkiki!) It's like people laughing at what you say when you're not even trying to be funny.
So the last time I tried to impress Arep was June of 2000, and here we are coming to the end of 2005. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Sorry I laughed, just remembered how long it has been.) And the last time I tried to impress any guy was... eh.. err... last November? Oh, no.. just last month. But it was only a harmless flirt to make sure that I still know how when I really need to.
Since then, I am sober. ekekekke!!

Eh, I think I ought to stop babbling now. It's raining and my mom wouldn't stop nagging on me if she sees me still on the computer.
Good night, good world and dear God, please take care of my soul mate (hopefully Danny! ahhahha!) out there.. tell him to find me the exact moment when I'm ready. hihi! Oh! Plus, I need to ask You.. when are You sending my sister's?? I hate to see her with all the money in the world but no man to spend it on. hehehe. And err, I hope it's not too much but please take care of the people I love most, they're the best and I'm too lazy to find new friends. hihi!

This was written at 5:27 am on October 3rd, 2005.

edited on 4:59 PM, June 25th 2007.
[Like this one time when the match has ended and we were walking towards our car, a guy said to his friend, "Selangor was excellent! Even Man U had never won 3 cups in one season!"]
I did some studying.. Manchester United did won a Treble in the 1998/99 season. They won the Premiership, FA Cup and UEFA Champions League in the same season and just like Selangor.. they are the only team who has ever done the Treble win.

"Harummph."

Following the off night of no writing last night.. an off day follows uncomfortably. (Uncomforting to my brain!)

I definitely expect more of me. (Yes, I do have expectations people! -no matter how shocking that might sound to you.) Today, I have achieved the vegetable stage. I was practically immovable! I would've spend the whole day in my bed if Nina hadn't come for a visit. I am certainly a horrible person. I can almost hear those paraplegic curse at me. *grunt in frustration*

I'm in dire need of an attitude adjustment.

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING MY BLOG ANYWAYS?! I'M A LAZY WUSS AND MY LIFE IS HORRIBLY BORING!!

Having dreams are really scary. It's really scary when it hits you right in the face. And it is most scary when people shows you no faith that you could make that dream happen.

Of course that would be my fault..

Can't blame them when I am simply well known for being uncommited. My sisters said that I had never cared anything enough to really fight for it. You know.. Add math.. boys.. the course I took..
Back in school, I'd knew that passing my science stream subjects were crucial for me to get into a good college/university, but what did I do? I couldn't at least spare a little more time doing my homeworks. About boys, whether I was the "dumper" or "dumpee", I can easily laugh off at my past relationship. Once something start to go wrong, you can simply find me running the other way. And the course I took? Let's be honest here.. almost everyone knew that I had only took Interface Design because I was too much of a lazy arse to actually come to the Media Innovation interview! (although, I am not that certain that I'd still be in class even if I got into MI. ekkeke!) See! There I go again.. laughing off at my mistakes. (okay, not exactly mistakes, but it seemed like mistakes at that moment.)

I am thankful, don't get me wrong. I love making mistakes, I love getting to figure out myself more. But you know.. I would like to have a look at my past and say, "I'm glad I did that right," instead of "I'm so lucky that my wrong leads me to a right!" I want to feel that I deserved the good things that I get, but all I can think of right now is how lucky I have been. I adore being lucky.. but I need to do one thing that I'd have full responsible to.
I need to start caring, but for some reasons... I just - don't.

Now now, I don't have any security issues, really! I just.. am in the middle of trying to figure more things out.
Searching.. searching.. searching.. searching....

REALLY, STOP READING MY BLOG!!!

ohh, Happy Belated Birthday to Shahnon!

This was written at 12:45 am at September 30th, 2005.

2:20 am, September 29th, 2005

A voiceless night.

Insomniac, as usual. Don't know what could possibly be bugging me, I'm mostly content these days!

And here's what I just found out:
I do write depending on my mood. As right now, my mind is absolutely empty and I've been staring at the screen for minutes trying to write something. My head is unusually quiet somehow. I couldn't even invoke any sort of ideas to write. This is definitely a new stage of not-writing that I'm not so used to. How can I not write in my diary OR blog?
This is an odd night.
But I am going to try write something even if it takes the whole night!

2:56 am.

Still blank, and I've just spent precious times playing Spider Solitaire instead.
Idiotic, I am.
By the way, did you know that there's a difference between "moron" and "idiot"?
Yeah, I checked the dictionary and here to inform you, the next time people call you a moron, be glad. Because being called an idiot should be more of an insult.

3:39 am.

I give up!
Such an odd night this is..
Good night, dear world.

Amnesia.

Here's a funny thing, this morning I had no recollection of actually getting to sleep. My father woke me up at noon and I was surprised that my glasses is still on the bridge of my nose. And then I looked beyond my pillow, I found that I didn'e even put the cap of my pen back on. For a moment, I was in awe..

I fell asleep while writing?
Shocking!

Me and my dad just went to the stadium to get this Saturday's football ticket. Really looking forward to seeing the match in Bukit Jalil! Hope that Muz would come around too. hehe!

Okay.. nothing else to say now.
Buat cik Ila, hope everything works out for you! Sorry that I wasn't being too well of a conversationalist. I'm a child of wee morning; I talk better at 4 am than 9. hihi!

Alright people.. take care!!
Selamat maju jaya. *wink!*

SELANGOR WON!!

Selangor won! Selangor won! Selangor won!!
They were fantastic!! The fans were fantastic!! I am so darn lucky to grow up in Shah Alam and heck proud of it too!!
(I sort of promised to cut down cursing if they won, though. It was a little bit of a blur.. the ball was so close to Selangor's side and I got so worried so words somehow jumbled through my mind, "Oh God, if you make them miss the goal I'd stop cursing so much," and Perak did! So I better cut it down a notch. hehe! Call me religious. ekekkeke!!)

The experience was AMAZING. Honestly, you can't get any better football experience than being among the 80 000 Selangor and Perak supporters. Just amazing!!

The only downside to it was getting to the stadium. Me, Dida and our dad went out at 7:15 pm (the match starts at 8:45 pm) so we thought that should be early enough to get a good parking space and seats. *big laugh here!* We were SO wrong! The traffic was horrible so we parked like.. 8 minutes away from the stadium - if you walk slowly - which we didn't! We walked in a really fast pace, and once we got to the stadium we walked a little more to the other side which me and Dida like to call as "Selangor fanatics' side". (It's usually where the drumming sound comes from.) Anyways, once we got to that side we just couldn't see any empty seats, except for the ones at the top most section!! Suppose everyone had came in as early as 6 pm. So there we were, sweating like pigs.. panting like crazy.. wheezing like asthmatics.. climbing up those stairs and finally settled at the 84th row! 84TH!!!
And now you might think that we wouldn't shout crazy at those height.
You would be very wrong.

I'm now convinced that I shall never bring a future spouse to come along when I watch football. It's a very ugly sight. I shouted words that had never passed my lips ever before! I blamed the tension. I was really tensed coming to the match. I always worry whenever Selangor plays Perak, and last Saturday was the worst.
But from Saturday's match, it was clear that Selangor was the better team. The two had the same amount of matches since the past month, but they seemed more resilient. Both teams seemed tired at the second half but hey, Selangor won! I was only joking when I told Dida that Selangor should score 4 goals to ensure a win, never thought that they could really score four goals! We were really tired, shouting, jumping and screaming - plus flag waving, but it was all worth it. All thanks to our imported strikers; Indonesian Bambang and Elie Aiboy plus Argentinian Fuentes. (Fuentes is my favourite player right now despite that he missed to score a goal after a bad finish that night.)
Great times.

So the match ended around 10:50 pm but we only got home at 2 am! Okay, we did went for a bite at A&W (PJ) but the traffic coming out from the stadium was terrible. Must've spent like one and a half our in the jam, but it was amusing! At one point we were side by side with a bus packed with Perak supporters and they seemed really cool. They did some signs with their hands but NOT rude ones, so I kinda like them! (Oh well, I can't really hate people from Perak now, can I? My mom IS after all from Tapah Road.) Oh, I do love Perak supporters. They were good sport!

So now, Monday morning. I'm still nursing my slightly hoarse voice.
Today's goal: get out of bed, shower, look through classifieds, continue writing the letter for Azraai, get a move on project, meet up with Muz in Central.

Looking forward to the MALAYSIA CUP!!
Selangor vs. Perlis on October 1st, 2005 at Bukit Jalil Stadium.

This was written at 3:51 am on September 26th, 2005

Oh heck, maybe I'll just go crazy.

I think I should just send my CV to that off-shore oil rig thing. Brilliant if I get it, but pefectly fine if I don't. What's the point of chickening out before you start, eh? Plus, my life motto is currently DARE TO BE GREAT. hihi!
I'm daring, alright. Not so sure about that great part just yet.

I suddenly remembered the email I got from one of my bestfriends. She sort of jolts my memory of who I am inside.
Okay, to start off with let me tell you that I like to give long emails to my friends. I'd write stuff like what was going on in my life. (Emails are definitely the only form of communication that I have with my friends these days.) I'd babble a lot in the email but when we get together, they would miss on nothing about me thus, plenty of stuff to talk about.
So my last update for them was when I told them how badly I was doing at school and reckoned that I ought to find a job. Odd enough, they all got worried for me and was rather sympathetic - somehow. hihi! (I can't figure out why they felt that way.)
Anyways! Then Dayat replied saying something like; "it's great that you can always find things that make you bounce back."

Maybe I am a happy person after all, but if I am.. how come I can be so nasty sometimes? Don't you think it's just weird?? Well, I think it's weird. I am so bitter and spiteful sometimes, but some other times I just can't think of any excuse to think bad of anyone. Just.. odd.
Maybe I'm suffering from split personality.

Cool!

By the way, I just finished writing my CV and you know.. for someone who hasn't finished her degree, I wrote quite a decent one! I SO feel like Rosie Dunne now. Except that I get a little upset when I saw my MUET result slip. Just 5 more points to get Band 5! grrr.
Listening: 39/45
Speaking: 31/45
Reading comprehension: 105/135
Writing: 40/75
ahahhaha! I did writing the worst but I have a perfectly good reason, so I'm not terribly worried. Upset, but not worried.

This was written at 1:32 am on September 24th, 2005
Edited at 2:54 am of the same day.

A quickie but not so much.

I haven't been into any interviews since the last one I told you about. It's not that I'm backing away from that thought of working, but I have to be honest.. I'm definitely more appreciative over my time being a bum. hihi!
I think I'll try for a job that my mom would protest on, like being a crew on a cruise ship for instance. I should apply no later than October 3rd, so I have a little more time to think about it. Just the other day I saw an ad to work on one of those off-shore oil rig, but for some reasons I can't find the ad anymore. Maybe I should take it as a sign. Dida had once been onto one of those oil rig off Terengganu and she said there were all male. So when she walks by, they'd all turn their heads - not having seen a girl for the past half of month.. maybe! (All I know, that's how their working hours.. 12 hours for 2 weeks, then they'll have the next two weeks off.) Well, I don't think working along men would be so much of a problem but.. maybe it will. I'd hate to get so concious over nothing!
I still hope that I'll find the ad though. Man, the pay is good! 200+ US Dollars per DAY! I'd pay off my loan in minutes!

I suppose I shouldn't be so picky (or rebellious) about the job. Any sort of income should be good and I'm more to looking for the experience anyways! So if nothing else works out, I'll start applying for one of those simpler jobs like a waitress, barista or receptionist. Unglamorous, I know - something you wouldn't want to talk about in a high school reunion, but I'm in dire need to meet more people, and hopefully, odd ones.
If only there's a circus in town I can join; should be really interesting!

Since I'm getting more and more serious about writing, I reckon that I should go to more places and just see more people - for inspiration purposes. hehe! I mean, I can't talk about people that is actually in my life - they'd be upset if I shall decide to kill them off in my writing! hihi. (not that I'm planning to.. just in case!)
I haven't written anything in two days and it's not because of that so called "writer's block". I'm just too lazy to pick up the pen. It's horrible, I know.

You know, this writing thing really scares me. If it doesn't work out.. then I'm clearly untalented and was born with absolutely no skill. Wouldn't that be just sad??
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not really scared - I lied. I was trying to be a bit negative but failed. One way or another, writing IS my thing. So if novels don't work out, I'll apply for secretarial work! ahhahaha!!

For some reasons I'm in a pretty dandy mood this morning.
By the way.. the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary of Current English '84 print is my good friend these days. I know, I hardly ever use any words that you need to refer to a dictionary, but I just had to be sure about the words that I use or read.

Selangor vs. Perak tomorrow. Can't wait!!!

This was written at 3:47 am on September 23rd, 2005.

Shite!

It's almost 6 am and I can't sleep!
For some reasons, I just can't stop worrying about my birthday.
My birthday!! Which is in DECEMBER!!
My freakin' birhday!!!
Damn, "worry" must be my natural instinct these days.
*grunt in distress*

I know it's September, and definitely too late to change my resolution, but I've got half of this year's done so I decide to make a new one.. like an update, version 1.1 of this year's resolution:

Original resolution as exactly written in my diary
1. get my grades up!! - which we all know now how impossible that is.
2. be totally independent 'coz other people sux!! hahhaha. - I'm not exactly 'totally independent' but I'm perfectly fine going out and do things by myself, so that's half done.
3. get plenty of ME time - managed that.
4. save up money. - failed that, some things are just not meant to be.
5. not to get mixed up in stupid depressing things. - passed that with flying colours! I actually manage to be depressed-free this year! (up to this moment at least!)

New resolution
1. find a job that I'd be willing to stay for 3 months.
2. decide studies options.
3. achieve number 1 and 2 before I turn 21.
4. write 300 200 pages of current idea/project.
5. not getting stressed out on my birthday.

Writing is going okay these couple of days. Muz and Dayat gave positive response when I showed them my early "draft", but I don't think I'll show them to my family members YET because they speak better English and I HATE getting corrected for my lousy grammar. I've finally figured out what the story is about. I'm dreaming about being interviewed, HA-HA! I feel like pissing, somehow I'm getting more jittery.
It's cold, I'm going to piss now.

This was written at 5:51 am on September 21st, 2005.

I'm chopping my head off.

Okay, not exactly my head, but my hair, definitely. As pretty as I think I am with long hair, I've turned completely bored with it. I've come to a conclusion to finally butcher my hair off, YEAYYY!! Just wished I had some extra money lying around so I can colour my hair electric pink. Alright, maybe not pink because that would go just horrible with my skin tone - red, then. Electric red, that'd be wonderful!! But of course, I don't have any extra money lying around.

I think my dad is really interested with the things my sister does on her job, but I find Dida pretty much couldn't bother less to actually tell him about it. Hummm..

Talking about jobs, I seriously need to find one. I know I should be busy looking for one, now that I've actually went to a real job interview, but somehow I just got comfortably stuck in front of the telly. I am such a couch potato! Dayat thinks that I should apply for some sort of a show-reviewing job, if there is one. I think there is, but somehow I never saw them advertised. *sigh* That really ought to be the perfect job for me.

By the way, I am so so broke. Just the other day I planned on buying something for Rai because he told me to (I didn't wish him his birthday - yeah, yeah.. I'm a horrible friend, get over it!) But I saw Cecelia Ahern's new book and I bought that for myself instead!! ahhahaha!! I have to be honest here, I really do prefer spending money on myself than doing so on other people. If you think that's a selfish act, well, that's not my problem. (bitchy mode, notice?) Anyways, I was out with 75 Ringgit in my purse that day, and got home with only 10 Ringgit left. I swear, money just fly off when they're with me.
Eh, actually it wasn't my fault that I had that unplanned shop. It was all MPH's fault! Freakin' bookstores are a curse!
Wanie: I thought there's a 20% off?
Cashier Lady: Yes, 20% off if you're an MPH member. Do you have a card?
Wanie: Ohh.. no.
Cashier Lady: Are you still buying?
Wanie: Uh.. OK.
Thus, this whole incident result to a little curse under my breath as I hit my head with my knuckles for spending money so carelessly again - as Dayat laughed on at me. (I'm partly convinced that my friends only loves me for their own entertainment purposes.) Oh right, plus it reminds me just the hell why I preferred Kinokuniya more - NO STUPID MEMBERSHIP STUFF!

I think Cecelia Ahern is obsessed with letters and people who can't spell. Both of her book revolves on that particular subject. Her new book is called Rosie Dunne and it was just as fantastic as her debut novel. I thought the format was a bit confusing, but just as PS, I Love You, the characters she created were simply lovable. Though Rosie Dunne didn't make me cry, I think the ending is just too sad for me to read the book again. Really sad. At least I thought so. Maybe I should give Nina to read it and we'll see if she thinks the same way..

Can't believe that I'll be 21 in a few months. I think if alcohol is actually legal for me, I'd probably drown myself in it on my birthday. (Disclaimer: I don't really want to drink alcohol, please believe me!) I thought it'd be the best way for me to forget that I'll be a year older and yet no where closer to any sort of an achievement. I critically need to put that out of my mind. *sigh*

Dayat told me that her dad actually told her to find a man. I was.. speechless when she said that. (Okay, that's a lie. I'm rarely speechless! The only certain way to make me quiet is to put some guy I have a crush on beside me. So yeah, maybe if Danny is right next to me I'll be totally mute.) I have to say that I was mostly amazed that her father told her that. Maybe because the idea of me getting married would probably kill my dad. Honestly, Nina leaving the house had already broke his heart. (Well, that might be because she's actually the good daughter! ahhahaha!)
Meeting Dayat the other day confirms the theory that I've spent half of my life waiting for the people I care about; wait for them to come pick me up, wait for them to come home, wait for their call, wait for a letter, wait for them to finally say something, wait for them to say sorry, wait for them to finally get there when I've been waiting for forty freakin' minutes!! Dayat was so late that day, I should've charged her 1 Ringgit for every minute she had kept me waiting.
Other than that, she's a great person! So whomever with *cute little nose likes to get to know an almost 21 year old, emotionally immature, incapable of story-telling yet tremendously funny girl, give me a call and I'll set you up on a date! heehee!
(* Dayat likes to look at people's noses, we love her, but she is a little odd. But then again, aren't we all?)

My really old ex called me the other day but I didn't answer.
Polite reason: there's only one bar left on my battery so I'd hate to get cut off in the middle of a conversation.
Honest reason: I just don't want to.
Both of those reasons are true. Sometimes I don't know why I can be so mean. Okay - because I am. Maybe I'll answer his call around next year. I just hope the next time we talk he'll mention about a new lady he met or something like that. I just hate it when a nice boy comes along and wants to be with me 'coz I hate breaking their hearts if I tell them I hate it when people are around too much - they suffocate and a big bore. I hate empty conversations because they're absolutely pointless, and I absolutely hate being silently requested to care more when I simply can't!
So that's the truth. No point of beating around the bushes anymore. Take note!

This is an odd morning. For some reasons I feel like sharing all my thoughts in this entry.
But I'm not going to.

Two football matches to look forward to!!
FA Cup Final, Selangor vs. Perak in Shah Alam Stadium on September 24th and;
Malaysia Cup Final, Perlis vs. Selangor in Bukit Jalil Stadium on October 1st.
ooh~ I hope Selangor will win both!! That's something to see.

Alright, I should write some stuff down in my diary. Later!

This was written at 3:55 am on September 20th, 2005.

"Heroes loses first.."

- Then rises for a total win, so Dida said.
She was of course, referring to the Selangor football team.
(Really, we've been watching too many football matches these days that you can look for us at the stadium on football nights!)
Eh, but of course, Selangor fans are too many that to actually find us in the stadium would be close to impossible. Heh! I just love going to the stadium. There's just something about people of all ages coming together to a place with very bad air quality (because people smoked!) and shout vulgar words to the players who couldn't possibly hear what you said. Hihi! It all seemed amusing and amazing somehow.

So here's what I have to say about this season's team. At first, they were more like lucky to have qualified to this stage. I thought they really played horrible. They had no sense of skill, yet somehow they managed to get to the finals - so what else can you say if it wasn't luck? But after seeing Selangor playing Terengganu last Wednesday, I'd have to say that they are improving. Slightly, but improving nonetheless. The heck they should! More Selangor fans have been coming to the stadium to support the team. Selangor will be playing Terengganu again for the Malaysia Cup second semi-finals this Saturday, and against Perak on September 24th for the FA Cup finals in Shah Alam Stadium. I'm really looking forward to it even though I am a bit worried. Perak and Selangor.. well, if you ever cared about Malaysian football scene, you should know that they've been close contenders for so many years. They just have that history together. Very worrying.

To make things more "interesting", Perak and Selangor are the only remaining teams to compete for both FA Cup and Malaysia Cup - just to show that the two are the strongest teams. So no wonder if they seemed to get easily tired than Terengganu or Perlis in the semi-finals. But all is good for the FA Cup finals since they're going to be equally tired! Hehe.

Now I'm going to elaborate why Dida said that "heroes loses first." (A good example of heroes that loses first: Ultraman, Power Rangers, and practically every hero really.)
Selangor is so used to let the oposing team score first - like Negeri Sembilan, they scored 3 goals and at the last few minutes Selangor scored 3 goals and ended up winning the Premiere League by the penalty shot.
Selangor versus Perak in Malaysia Cup quarter-final, Perak scored a goal and Selangor managed to draw the game just moments before the refferee blew his whistle.
Their next match, Penang scored one goal in the first half of the game, but Selangor won when they scored two goals.
Selangor versus Selangor Public Bank on their second semi-finals of the FA Cup, Selangor Public Bank goaled first, and Selangor beat them with three goals and heads for the finals.
Last Wednesday, Terengganu scored at the 5th minute of the game.. and Selangor just had to reply with three goals!
I seriously don't get just why they had to let the oposing team score first, but it only confirms that the hero must lose first. Hihi.
Go Go Red Giants!!
*wink!*

I'm sure half of you would rather read something else than me talking about football, but honestly I have nothing much else to talk about. I'm halfway through writing a long letter for Rai (because I owe him that) so I'd hate to repeat too much of the things that's been happening around.
I really miss writing. But I'm in a major writer's block so the only things I can write are letters and this blog. How pathetic.

Oh right, Dida has taken a sudden interest to watch Land Of The Dead. I'm not really against anything scary like ghosts or zombies, alright, that's a little understatement. I HATE ghosts, the thought of them makes me restless at night but I do love watching scary movies somehow. I'd cry, but I still watch them. (which usually got my dad irritated) I told Dida that Land Of The Dead is about zombies but she still wants to see it once it comes out.
I'm not exactly scared by zombies because they're simply illogical, but the thought of them just makes me really sad. Really, watching Resident Evil and Dawn Of The Dead leaves me feeling really sad. Why can't they just die?! I mean, the thought of seeing a loved one turning into something neither living nor dead is just sad. I suppose it's a similar feeling to deciding if you should or should not turn off the life-support system of someone who has turned completely into a vegetable.
Well, that's how I think of it.

Man, I miss my boys.

This was written at 8:31 pm on September 15th, 2005.

"It'll be you and me up in the tree"

And we'll be swinging around like monkeys.
Pardon me, I'm having a bad mood but I just can't forget Marty Casey's song. I thought it sounded really good. (Marty Casey, one of the five remaining in Rockstar:INXS)

It's 3 o'clock in the morn and I can actually recall two songs with that time in the lyrics. What's with 3 am, anyways? I think I wrote a fine song with "2 am" in it. So maybe that's where I got it wrong.
It's raining outside, and the rest of my family is already asleep. I'm sort of just killing my time typing this out while Northern Ireland versus England on the TV.
I think my life has just turned really boring in one night.
I'm even sorry that Rai called when I was having a bad night. Now I owe him a long email.

So Dida told me that Nina wasn't coming on Friday, so we won't have that family dinner after all. Dida planned on having it at this pretty classy place in Subang - which we had only went once, but I just absolutely adore! Well, I adore it because I love the food - steak!! I absolutely love meat! Don't know what I'd do if I had to go on a strict no-meat diet. Anyways, the last time we went was on Papa's birthday, and since then I've been dreaming of coming there again! So I was really excited when Dida told me earlier this week that we'll be having dinner there again. But now Nina has cancelled.. I can practically see a cow running off excitedly knowing that he's got another day to live. Damn lucky cow.

This has been the longest duration I've been in a writer's block, and I'm getting more pissed with myself.
I'd usually have really smooth writing or I won't start at all! This is really.. hard and frustrating. I suppose there is a difference between the pressure I'm in right now and the last time I really wrote anything. Trying to write something good after reading PS,I Love You is so freakin' hard!! Really. And Cecelia Ahern was 22. So she's the Ireland prime minister's daughter, but I'm coming to 21 and I've achieved absolutely nothing!!
Except if there's anyone who thinks having three boyfriends that lasted for no longer than three months, and one of them didn't even last 24 hours is an achievement! (Who am I kidding? Less than 24 hours WAS an achievement! I can practically hear my friends laughing at the story again.)

Okay, I know. Life is not all HA-HA everyday, but I'm really really frustrated here!
Damn, Owen wasted Gerrard's pass and practically gave N. Ireland's keeper the ball!
So.. 20 years and 9 months just made me realize.. that I can really laugh at almost everything that went wrong in my life. And I do realize that I keep thinking that everything will somehow turn out fine for me. (I know, an idiotic idea! I'm practically gambling with life.) I realize that sometimes I am too "honest" for my own good - just the other day I said to my mom that it's probably best that I get terminally ill so I won't have to worry about money. She doesn't think it was funny and started to nag. And now I'm really convinced that I have a serious commitment issue. Really; my dear Atuk in Form 2, MMU, those people I know from there, ohh, and Arep.

I know I've been talking a lot about him, but I think he's a great reminder of what sort of a person I am.
The fact that I know he'll be around if I needed him, pretty much bores my thoughts. (Maybe I should tell him that?) Actually, every man that walks into my life and shows a little more potential than the others turns out to bore me. And I know how getting together with someone just for the sake of getting together feels, so even though I can be mean, let's not go there again. Somehow, rather than looking for some security, the picture of certainty freaks me out. You may think that I've been burned by love, but not really! Admitting to that would be a lie. I can laugh off at every single unsuccessful relationships I've had easily since I know exactly what I did wrong. So! This concludes that commitment does scare some people.
I can't write, I can't study, no jobs (yet!), I can't fall in love with a real person, I have no money, now really!!
How can I still laugh at those facts when I should be praying for that terminal illness to finally kick in so my life would be "complete".

Ohh, my job update: I turned that last one down. I think if I'm going to have to walk around places, I better have a camera man following me around like those people in Globe Trekker. But right now I'd probably should look for a job that doesn't tire me out so much. But I have to say, that was the sweetest experience I've ever had!

JAG's final episode of the season sucked!! Can't believe they let it just hang there. At least I was expecting a hanging finish for Lost, but JAG?? JAG's was worst!

Did I mention that I went to see Selangor versus Penang last Saturday? It was upsetting, despite that they won.
Selangor's fans sucked!!!
Can't believe that I sat around those people. Really disappointing. They were like monkeys coming out of the woods, only monkeys were better. I think they behaved more like moronic bastards. (pardon the languange.) Selangor managed the second goal, so what did they do?
- They jumped on their seats with the sole purpose of smashing it so they could throw it into the tracks.
So tell me, how can't I stop cheering and shout at them instead? You see, drinks flying I can handle. Vandalism in front of my face? That's too much! I love my freakin' state, and especially my boring city of Shah Alam.
Damn, and Northern Ireland just goaled.
So when this Indons (yes, Indons - probably just rooting for that Aiboy and Bambang fella) started bashing at the seats, I just felt the sudden urge to kick their faces. But then, you know.. starting a fight is just as bad as vandalising so I just shout my head off through the cheer, which they heard and then stopped bashing. Which was great, or I wouldn't be able to keep my hands by my side any longer.
So later Dida said that she got worried for me when I shouted at those men. She said bad things might have happened if they carried a weapon of some sort. You never know, she claimed. Now that I think of it, it would be okay if shouting at those morons were the last thing I do. Honestly, I wouldn't mind.

I hate bad moods. It just made me remember of all the bad things that has happened in the past week. Lousy lousy feeling.
I miss McFLY. The Store Lady reckons that the CD will only be available in two weeks since it's not released in Malaysia yet. I hate that.
McFLY sort of reminds me of Will Young. He won the Pop Idol in the UK, yet it was Gareth Gates that got to go on tour. (Gareth Gates got second place.) McFLY won the Brits Award last year, yet most of the people here didn't know who they were until I started talking too much of them - and yet, you people must've heard of Rooster by yourself.
I think I'm the sort of person who'd talk about something excessively until other people started to talk about it too, because I'm thinking about Good Charlotte. I used to talk about them just as much as I talk about McFLY these days, and then they got more famous and you start to listen their songs playing on the radio and I just stop talking about them.
God, I hope I won't shut up about McFLY anytime soon! I kinda like the fact that I'm the only one crazy for them in Klang Valley right now. Hehe!

Now I'm wondering, do you think by reading my blog made you know me a little better?

This was written at 4:29 am on September 8th, 2005.

Q: Are you willing to do do the work after the day's training?

A: Undecided - closer to a no.

So I hated the job I'm supposed to do. Absolutely hate it, no doubt! But Mr. Boss - Johnny really thought I should try it for two weeks. Ahhahaha!! Really, does my sincerity by any chance charmed any of you? It seems to work on Johnny - he actually laughed and said, "cute answer" when he read my answer in the questionaire. It's really odd! I would've thought that he'd want someone who'd be sure to work for him, and I clearly wrote, "closer to a no".

Dida said probably he saw my confidence talking to him since I had nothing to lose. She had a point, really. I think people would fidget more during interviews if they had really wanted the job so badly. I mean, I saw today the work I should be doing and I simply can't see myself doing it from nine to five, five days a week. Really, it's just crazy! So I was really relaxed for the second interview and laughed quite a lot with Johnny despite I sweated like a pig through the day and my purdah (really, it's the typical tudung but "purdah" is actually a word from the English dictionary!) was askewed.
I'm trying to quit school so I can actually start doing something I absolutely love, and if I take the job.. it's like that Malay saying about running away from the mouth of a vicious predator and into another vicious predator's mouth. (I know, it's supposed to be about two particular animals but I just can't remember it!)
So here's a tip: if you're looking for a job, don't think too much of how you want it so bad. Because,
1. you don't want to get too nervous on the interview. It's bad enough if you don't think you'd qualify for that hot position, you just don't need to stumble on your words. Confidence are freaking important, really! REALLY!
2. that job you ask for might just be not what you had expected earlier.

Now, just so you'd be so amazed by my "surprisingly talented interview abilities", I turned up at the office in the morning to find that I was the only Malay and female that made into the second interview. I feel awesome!! There were like five other guys and I sat at the end of the sofa, trying to make friends with Chong, the one who sits next to me.
Then Johnny came out, and assigned each one of us to a more senior employees to teach what we'll be doing if we get hired. So I got this guys Peng Koon and David. I think it was highly amusing!

So I was specifically assigned to Peng Koon, and he kept asking me to just shoot away if I had any questions. Right.
"So Peng Koon, you're a Virgo?"
Ekkekeke! Honestly, I must've turned dotty after a while in the sun!
Anyways, the two boys were cool. I think they did fantastic, showing me around. And I had a really unusual observation today. Peng Koon was Virgo, David was Aries; even though I'm supposed to follow Peng Koon around, I was seriously drawn to David despite he litters and was really disgusting! Really really disgusting. How odd was that?? Suppose David was really polite to me even though he's disgusting.
That's another observation I made - Aries are always polite! To me at least.
Hanis, Arep, Dar and David. (Yes, I do think you fellas were pretty polite to me.) Hanis never even made a joke about me to my face! Nor Arep, but of course if he did that I'd kick his sorry arse! Rai, Muz and Dayat does it all the time!! It's a ritual for them!
Note to self: Plan having an Aries kid so he/she'd be polite to me. Yeayy! (I'd be horrified to get a Sagittarius or Cancer or Capricorn!) Man, I do seem to need to plan this out.

Moving on: So later today I suppose, I should be meeting Johnny in the morning and tell him what I really think about this whole job thing. I was so amazed when he said I was great (honest, he really said "you're great") that I just said "yeah" when he then said, "see you tomorrow?"
I am so gullible! It's awful!!

So I'll be back to reading the Classifieds in the paper again.. Yeayy!! (I absolutely love circling the ads! Felt so cool!)
Unless my mom decides to force me back into continue studying in MMU - which is definitely on the top of my "Feared List"!
Waaarrrghhh! I hate losing more time!

On the way coming home Dida thought of buying a Rhumba, (I am such a bad influence! I AM good at making people start spending money.) Since we're at Plaza Shah Alam (the one in Section 9), I asked Dida if we could see the music store if Wonderland is in yet. The store clerk hadn't had any clue who the heck McFLY is! (Grrr) But then he asked, "would you like to order for it?" I could've sworn I heard fireworks in my ears.
Wanie: Is there any extra charge?
Store Guy: No, we just charge you for the CD price.
So then I said "okay!" in that chirpy uncontrollable high-tone of mine. The guy went to the counter and said something to the Store Lady.
Store Lady: You have to put in a deposit to order.
Wanie, turning to the lovely sister of her's: Dida, there's a deposit to order.
Dida: How much?
Wanie, turning back to the Store Lady: How much?
Store Lady: 10 ringgit.
Wanie, with absolutely no shame: Dida, 10 ringgit please!
And with that ten Ringgit, I have now a piece of paper that said McFLY Wonderland CD, Wanie 019-39*****. Excellent!! I know I just got a small paper, but it's just as excellent!!
So now I'll just wait for their call! Ooh call me! Call me soon!! I'll just die if I had to wait for months and months for the CD!!

Okay, I am awfully pooped right now. Hopefully I'd be able to use my legs by this morning, as it's been threatening to pop out since the afternoon. It'd be just horrible if I get paralyzed even for one day!

Sorry I was late for yesterday, Muz.
Dayat, I hate you.
Miss you loads, Hanis!
(I'm coming to miss the four of us together when I'm especially tired. Sorry.)

This was written at 12:47 am on September 6th, 2005.
Edited at 7:27 pm of the same day.

A ring at 9:35 am.

God, it's a wonder how I could even hear it when I only got to sleep two hours before. Maybe I was sort of expecting it. You know Jupiter - bringer of a world's worth of luck!
As House would've said - "I should never doubt myself."
ekkekeke!!

So I got the phone call.
The one that tells me to come over for a second interview and a job briefing after that.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!
I am so pumped!! You have to excuse me, I felt really bad some hours after that interview. Been paining myself, thinking what I should've said, all those witty remarks I could've made.
So on Monday, I'll make myself more presentable so they have absolutely no excuse to turn me down! I mean, honestly, I was all scruffy that day. Muz said I dressed so casually. Really bad first impression - unless they were looking for an English-speaking idiot like me after all!

I suppose it wasn't just luck that got me the chance for the second interview, but you know what they say..
You are your very worse critic.
And Muz "kindly" said that they must've seen something interesting about me, maybe my looks - 'coz it couldn't be the brain. Yeah, my friends are so NICE.

Anyways, Danny has a new guitar! Looks like his old one, but it's totally white! So glad that I have a video of their (McFLY) latest performance on CD:UK! So so happy!!
So so excited for the next interview!!

And this sounds appropriate for my anthem now:
I'll Be Okay by McFLY

When everything is going wrong
Things are just a little strange
It's been so long now
You've forgotten how to smile

Now overhead the skies are clear
But it still seems to rain on you
And your only friends
All had better things to do

When you're down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you're down and lost along the way
Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay

Now things are only getting worse
And you need someone to take the blame
When your love is gone
There's no one to share the pain

You're sleeping with the tv on
And you're lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world
Would never help me to forget

When you're down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you're down and lost along the way
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay

You're not alone..

Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay
Won't you tell yourself?
I..

When you're down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you're down and lost along the way
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
Just tell yourself I..
I'll be okay

my first job interview!

it went great!! really! i think it was a lot of fun!
it was by far the best thing i've done this year.

but i believe i did borrible! ekekke!! i was so nervous! but i can proudly say that my English didn't fail me. heh! it'd be so exciting to get the job, though. advertising trainee.. awesome!

anyways, putting daydreams aside, despite my nerves, i think i did okay answering his questions. but it all went crashing down when he asked my salary expectation. eeek! first i said i don't know, but he insisted that i give a number so i boldly say.. RM2000?
WAHHAHAHHA!!
honestly, who would've want to hire someone with absolutely no qualifications nor experience for RM2000?? WAHHAHAHAH!!!

then he asked if i was shy.. i said, "no".
then he asked, "do you have a boyfriend?"
and i automatically said "no". man!
then he said, "so then you must be shy."
aaarrrk!!
and i said, "it's just a lot of work, and i don't have time for that."
aaarrrkkk!!!
the more i say, the worse it gets, eh? at first i claimed that i can work hard for a lot of money and now i say i don't even have the time to work for a boyfriend?? something must be wrong with me! ekekkeke!! he must think i've never ever had a boyfriend that he assumed i was shy. man! i shouldn't have told him a straight "no"! can't believe i couldn't think of the boy-friend speech!! urrghhh!

so now i'm up for another interview. i know absolutely what i shouldn't say. heh!
interviews are so cool!!!!
(but really, i don't want to spend the rest of the year going to interviews and not getting the job! i want the job!!)

so that was my day. hope your's were as fun as mine! hihi!

this was written on 1:38 am, August 30th

now i'm going to bore you with my rambles.
but you must've liked it if you've been visiting this blog for a while, right?
so at the moment, i am sort of having fun looking through the papers for a job. feels.. older even though it's not exactly what i like to do right now. and yet it's what we're all doing - getting older, might as well enjoy the ride. (God, i sound so corny!)
corny - hackneyed; often heard or repeated

i told dida first that i got an interview for later today and she was so worried. she was half-hysterical when she told nina, i presumed. thought i would get myself into something that might actually lead me to "selling myself".
then i laughed hysterically.
do i look so untrustworthy?? dida once believed that my flabbiness was actually beer-belly!
HONESTLY, WOMAN!
she's just really crazy, i tell you.

then i told mama about the mmu letter and the possibility of me, quitting school. (yes, i am considering leaving school.) the idea has been around for months actually, and i've only told her yesterday. i think she loves the idea that i'm getting a job but she hated the leaving school part. she's thoroughly convinced that i should change faculties instead.
me in management. can anyone picture it?
muz can't. she laughed off the idea like i was going mad - and so was i, for even considering it.
but as dida said, i'm still living under the roof that's been provided by my parents so technically, i still have to listen to them.
yes, i do. no matter how rarely, but i do.

i'm sorry that my parents had to have a child like me.
i think the only good thing i brought into the household were my stupid jokes.
must've been really funny that papa laughed at them even though he's not in a speaking term with me. (we had a fight about 10 days ago about the house keys. really stupid, and yet both of us are just too egoistic to do anything about it and just live life like we're simply mute when we're around each other. but really, it wasn't my fault! *wink!*)

ohh, i'm sort of glad that most of my friends had found this blog even though i never gave them the url. at least now you guys would know what i am up to even though i never called.
and that, you have to actually blame the stars!
so happens that this book i have on sagittarius, said that "sometimes months, or even years, can go by without a word from them." exactly me. and muz. i swear it could've looked as if we never cared about each other.
ohh, i found out that i'm actually a double Sagittarius!
if you love astrology as much as i do, you should look up for something that's called the Rising Sign. it's the zodiacal sign that could be seen rising on the eastern horizon at the time and place of your birth. supposedly it represents a personal part of the horoscope. (explains just why me, dida, muz and britney spears are totally different people even though we're all Sagittarian.)
i think my rising sign is freakily true. so maybe you'll be freaked by your's too!

okay, back to the job hunting topic.
hopefully i'll get really lucky and get to snag the job! but if it went terrible, well, then i'd just have to find something else, now wouldn't i?

i wonder if mama really thinks i should take management. my long term goal would go out the window if she tells me to stick. *sigh* i've already wasted 3 years. sungguh wanie taknak dah ganyut baru dapat achieve that goal. isyk!

as much as i'm "enjoying" growing up, i simply hate becoming 21. it's a stupid idea. we should all skip it and turn to 22 instead. i feel so stuck at becoming 21. almost an adult, but not just yet! so instead of just making your own decision, you have to make your own decision that is APPROVED by your parents. stupid stupid age.

i want to make money!!! (maybe i've been watching The Apprentice too much.) i don't really need to be filthy rich, but i'd like to have money just whenever i need them.
ooh~ the books i've been paining to buy. (what a geek!)
okay, i think i'm boring myself. i'd better spare you too.

right.

layout updated.
sangat merepek. i was totally uninspired while doing it, so i had to fall back to my usual giddiness for danny.

i do think i'd cry on the day he gets married.

..then Mac said;

"Your interest always fades when I might actually be in the position to return it."
Zing!
I love JAG! I've always loved JAG, but I keep forgetting to mention it to people. But I have to be honest, just as most of the tv shows I love, I love it for the wrong reasons. So instead of remembering all those law terminologies, I'd remember the cool lines conversed between Harm and Mac. Like I love Ally McBeal when Billy was still around. Those unspeakable tension just excites me. What's going to happen? What's going to happen?
I think if someone really said that line to me, something must be really wrong - with me. I wonder if Harm gets the intensity of that line.

It's been such a long long while since I last post an entry, yeah? So how can I sum up the past month into one reasonably lengthed post? This will probably end up as a sad attempt but I can promise you, I'm going to try hard.
Starting from the most recent ones since I can still remember them:

My father passed me a letter from MMU today (August 25th). In it was an official letter with this scary looking paper 'coz it was red. To summarize it up, the letter was basically to ask me, to tell them if I'm still a student of MMU or I wanted to leave instead. Time's ticking and I only have until next week to inform them. Man, I need to get a job and I've been saying this to myself for months!! I told Rai about what I've decided to really study and he kindly said that I'd be great at it. (Bodek kot?) Dude, I love you but you scared me that night that I almost cried, so I hate you! But seriously, thank you Mr. Azraai Abdul Manaf. (note: I typed his full name here so the rest of his family could find this should they decide to Google him out.)
So I've talked to Muz, I've talked to Rai and they were both very supportive. Even though their support doesn't really make me any braver, but I suppose it's nice to actually know that I've actually done something right when picking my friends. (Although.. I think they were the ones who picked me!) Well, thanks anyways! You guys are the best!! (Especially Azraai! Yeaaah, bodek balek!)

I think I just might be one of those people who's afraid to be a success and so I hide behind my failures because it is the safest thing to do. I'd be hated, with no obligations nor responsabilities. Like guys trying to dump their girlfriends by making her dump him first. Yeah, I can see the book clearly now - Memoirs of a Wuss.

Is there really no way to trade my looks for a bit more brain? Maybe I can lose a bit of hair, I wouldn't mind.

On Wednesday (August 24th) Dida came home from work bearing a surprise.
Dida: Are you coming?
Wanie: Ehh? Where to?
Dida: Go get shower, you smell like tomatoes.
Wanie: It's to repel the skunky smell coming from you.
Okay, seriously the real conversation ended at my "Where to?" 'coz at that moment Dida took out three tickets for the football match between Selangor and Perak at the stadium. Sweet! And all I can think of while in the car on the way to the stadium was; "Can I still curse like a mad woman like I used to?" I was really worried that I had forgotten how.
Turns out, that I still remembered! All thanks to the freakin' refferee and the lousy shots the Selangor players made, and the "amazing" Perak players. I swear, they must've taken some super advance class for acting or something. I must have called out "lembik" (sissy) at least a dozen times that night. Stupid diving tactics. I just hate it when football players act like they were in so much pain when just a moment afterwards they could get up and run happily again. Sheesh!
Despite all those things, watching football in the stadium was excellent! I can barely care about the smokers 'coz I love being surrounded by crazy people who just loves doing Mexican Wave all through half-time. Some people are just so amusing!

The latest music I listen to; I've been following TRL these days since I'm simply comfortable by being a bum, but none of the songs featured was half as amazing as Rossa's new album! If you understand Bahasa Indonesia, you'd simply understand how beautiful her songs are. Simplistic, yet deep. Well, maybe it's just me but I'm really in love with this album. Dida was so crazy about it that a week after she bought the cassette, she went back to the music store to get the CD.

The latest book I read was PS, I Love You by Cecelia Ahern. (Finally!) And it was a really really good book! I suppose it is some sort of a chick-flick, but the whole storyline was amazing. It's amazing how one could truly know the other person. Of course, this may only happen in books - which is why they are simply wonderful! PS, I Love You is about Holly coming to terms to her husband's death.To her surprise, Gerry; the husband, had sent her a parcel of letters to be opened each month with assignments, so she could start moving on with her life. The whole things was sweet. I think I cried about four times all through the book. It's just amazing! And hilarious! My mom thought I was possessed for giggling at 4 o'clock in the morning. So if you like crying as much as you love to laugh, this is the book for you. Really.

Ohh, I do love crying. Once in a while. But my heart isn't as exposed as it used to these days so the book was a real welcome for me. A good reminder that my heart hasn't turned to stone.

As for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, it's not worth mentioning.
It's not even worth the RM100 for a copy.
It was lousy, an upset, and a whole lot of other crummy things. Everything just started all too sudden and ended just as abrupt. Like Harry and "the girl". (I thought how he found out his feelings were just lame!) Ron and "the other girl". (Hah! Don't make me start!) How "the one who died" - died. (Really!!) And suddenly everyone around was snogging each other's faces. What's up with that? As Nina had said to me; "More like a social problem."
Oops. I mentioned it after all.
Well, I think I'm giving Rowling a blessing to work on the final installment for as long as she needs to write the perfect ending now. Take four years, go ahead, I won't whine about. Even if she thinks Harry should die at the final page, I just hope she'd write a super showdown between him with Voldermort or Snape or Bellatrix or the whole Malfoy family or all the Death Eater for all that matter, just as long as it's good and really good.

Right! Dida bought me a new pair of Converse, and I'm adoring it. It's black, white and red. Just excellent! So in six years, I've worn four Converse shoes! My first pair was stolen actually and I still curse the thief everytime I think about it.

McFLY's new album is coming out!! Suppose I'm still into those fellas.

So that's it! Wow, the entry wasn't half as long as I thought it would. Okay, so it is long, but really, not as long as I imagined it. So you pretty people who had been checking this blog out for an update, thanks - although I couldn't understand why you did that.
Dearest Hanis and Dayat, miss you guys so much. I think I have loads of thing to share with you guys. And to my no-longer-evil-twin-because-now-I'm-the-evil-one, I miss lunches with you!! And again to Azraai, my dearest peeve, the earliest person who's been my friend and still is, thanks! You're still as good as I remembered and seems to me those German air doesn't change you bit! Okay, maybe a bit about the hair.

Okay, now why am I all hollering? Because I don't know when is the next time I'll have another post!
So, take care, people!!

Ohh right, fingers crossed!! I have an interview for a job that I'm not so sure what it does tomorrow! hehheh! This is going to be soooo interesting!

PS, Find Langdon.

ekekekke!
now seriously,

PS, live, love life!
Selamat Hari Merdeka!

Biar by Rossa

Jangan kau pergi lagi meninggalkanku
Sepi kusendiri
Jangan kau buat aku terbalut sunyi
Kini kau berada dekat denganku

Biar, biarkan aku mengisi ruang dihatimu
Karena ku slalu memikirkanmu mencintamu
Biar, biarkan cinta bersemi didalam hatimu
Jadikanku bahgian dihidupmu, dijiwamu

Ku tak bisa berhenti menginginkanmu
Hidup terasa hampa tanpamu

Biar, biarkan aku mengisi ruang dihatimu
Karena ku slalu memikirkanmu mencintamu
Biar, biarkan cinta bersemi didalam hatimu
Jadikanku bahgian dihidupmu, dijiwamu

Jangan kau buat aku terbalut sunyi
Kini kau berada dekat denganku

Biar, biarkan aku mengisi ruang dihatimu
Jadikan kekasihmu yang setia kepadamu
Biar, biarkan cinta bersemi didalam hatimu
Jadikanku bahgian dihidupmu, dijiwamu.

PPS, I am sorry for the long silence.

story of a butterfly.

i saw a butterfly in the Commuter train today.
it flew aimlessly around the coach, but into my direction.
it sways freely from left to right, until it stops at my right arm and sits there.
you would've believed it was trying to tell me something if you saw it, but when i tried to touch it, it flew away and i could no longer find it.
probably it got off at KL Central to catch the Putra train..

pardon the somber entry. not exactly in a brilliant mood though i'm really REALLY eager about HP6.
only 5 days awaaayyyy!!

quicky.

well, a quicky at typing here, but i've written some things for the past couple of days!
sori, merepek sket.

by the way, i've added some new little pictures!


Kathleen Kelly, you're an inspiration.

for someone who can barely remember the people that has really been an inspiration, i put her at a very high place in the heart. to those who has never heard of Kathleen Kelly, she's actually a character from one of my favorite films, You've Got Mail. i saw it again just now and it pretty much remind me just why i love the film so. i mean, what's not to love? it's about book and bookstores, love, connectivity and communications, and writing emails! hihi. well, i always thought the storyline was beautiful.
if you hadn't seen this film, i truly recommend you fellas to see it. i don't find a reason why anyone should dislike it.

connectivity is a wonderful thing.

so here's a thought, when was the last time you really really connect with someone, for a reason to just get to know them?
[1:42pm - July 5th, 2005]

it's your face again.

(before i start, i'm quite sorry if what i'm about to say had never happened to any of you readers. i do realize that not all people are the same, and the chance to actually find someone who is exactly like me.. well, that's very slim, yeah?)

don't you think it's amazing how strongly you can feel for something or someone?
okay, my situation; it was a certain face of someone i fancy on telly! ekekke! and don't you dare tease me for the incurable crush. anyways, feelings are still feelings - doesn't matter if the person is someone reachable or not, people still feel what they feel, yeah?

now now, moving on. so the last time i saw him was in March - or at least, a footage that was done in March which I kept playing all through my school break! hihi!
so it has been three months and it was really luck that brought me to click the remote control. so there he was...

so here's a thought; don't you think it's just amazing how you could get a surge of gladness inside of you in a second? and i was actually getting 'better' from the crush. ekkeke! what amazes me most was how observant people can be.
'cause i noticed every detail on him. the clothes he wore, and his hair is longer, but still messy! ekkeke!
and i was quickly reminded of last week when i hung out with my "evil twin". it's been so long that i haven't seen her, i couldn't help noticing that we were both wearing a long sleeved black top, blue jeans and sneakers. hehe!

oh well, i know this is such a long story to tell you my point, and the point being; a surge of emotion could do you good every now and then! hihi.

make poverty history!
[1:20am - July 5th, 2005]

"it's amazing what dreams and lots of money can do."

a line Sandra Bullock said to Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice. i have to admit how true that is, and just how hard it is to be someone with all the power to materialize those dreams.

i'm sorry if you're a frequent visitor of this blog and probably hoping i'd tell you my daily activities or some wise thoughts - which rarely happen! everything seem to just sprint through my mind and not one thought stayed long enough for me to grasp so i could tell you all about it.

but i do have this to tell - i think i'm pretty much becoming the person i'd like to be. hehe! yes, confused and all. i suppose i'm appreciating myself more these days. more in control of things - or at least, know what i'd like to control! out of five resolutions i wrote down early this year, two of them has already happened. and this one other is pretty much likely to happen! so - yeaaayy! good for me, yeah?

the other two was.. eheh! save up money - which is getting harder since i'm spending more time in KLCC these days. (i ADORE Isetan's supermarket! hihi!) and the last, get my grades up! hohoho! as much as i'd love love love to do that, i think i'd be as much happy if i get to maintain it. (wow, so not me!)

anyways, i have a whole new perspective of life these days and what i'm searching for, what i'm craving for, is exactly what i can't get from the path i'm going through now.
so here - expect to read a chirpier entry once i've changed my path, yah!

make poverty history, folks!
live, love your life! as Plato said, everybody is fighting a harder battle than you do.
[12:59am - July 4th, 2005]

study well and take care fellas!