wtf..?

If I ask reaaaally nicely..
Can I cry? Please please?
Of course it's unnecessary and completely useless, but in a way it's better than screaming, since attention is the last thing I want right now.

You see.. I don't like it when people care. (read: butting in) I like to do things on my own. Do them on my time.. not getting any help even though it could make things easier.
I suppose I should admit that I'm afraid of failing.
And if I fail when I didn't get any help.. it won't be too bad. Maybe I'm simply not good enough at the time, I can accept that.. eventually. But if I fail even with some help, that would mean that I fail because I just SUCKED. The end. No wishful thinking.. no what-ifs.. things I could have done..
I failed because I am a failure.

Damn expectations.. I hate them just because I expect too much of myself. To have other people expect of me too would be unbearable. I would break.
Despite my dislike towards mediocrity, perhaps I'm getting more comfortable in it. Thus I am doing nothing to change anything.
gahh! Okay, I hate myself for saying that. Dammit!
I don't want to talk about this honestly. I'll just do what ever the hell they had wanted me to do and just let it be. I just hate hate HATE them knowing exactly what I'm up to.

If we all did the things we are capable of,
we would astound ourselves.

Thomas Edison

blah!
Moving on.. saw this on a random blog;
7 reasons you would NOT want me to be your girlfriend.
I suppose this is a bit too late considering I'm already somebody's girlfriend but anyway, maybe he'll take some points.

Reason #1 as demonstrated above, I push people away. One step forward, two steps back.. some sort of a mantra sometimes.
Reason #2 I am an incredibly selfish creature. I'm self-centred and stubborn as hell. I can only see MY hardship. You say you're miserable, I'M miserable! You say you miss me, I miss you! You say you love me, I love you more, asshole!
Reason #3 did anyone notice the state of my mental health most of the time? I'm constantly upset over something.. I don't suppose that's healthy.
Reason #4 I'm not a brilliant conversationalist. I keep half the things that I want to say because I don't know how to say them. I don't like talking for the sake of talking; I don't ask people how their day was because it does not interest me. In other words, I'm not that "caring".
Reason #5 I like my guy friends. I like my girl friends. They've kept me somewhat sane when they were around so I appreciate them. They are fun to be around with. I wanna keep them. Can I keep them, boyfie? *bats eyes*
Reason #6 there will be moments.. during my emotionally retarded period, where I would rather be left alone and out of anybody's reach. During that time, I'd take my personal space very seriously. It's baaad.
Reason #7 I'm a bad liar. hahhaha! Okay, not that I want a relationship to be based on lies, but I cannot even lie to save myself.. or make anybody happy. I am honest to a fault. My conscience causes more harm than good. Even half-truths eat me up inside. Terrible.

And for those reasons.. I cannot let go. I have a certain opinion of myself and to have anyone look over them must have been luck on my side. So I'm kinda.. still.. waiting for my luck to run out.
I'm morbid, so sue me.

took me almost 8 hours to finish writing this entry.. blah

Mysterious bruise..

yea yea I know it's small but it's still a mystery!
I have no idea how I got it and it doesn't exactly hurt.. it just.. curiously sits there. I've rubbed it a bunch of times -- no, it isn't some marker stain or anything like that, so I guess.. it is a bruise.
But WHYYYY?!!
I swear the things that my body does just boggles my mind sometimes. I'm thinking of that time I had a curious mark on my neck that Dida teased it was a love bite. hahaha!

[him] go shower
[me] nevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
[him] it's overdue
Next time I'll lie and tell you that I had my shower the day before! MUAHAHAHHAA!! (bleh.. but you know I'm not gonna lie...)

hmm.. I'm suddenly thinking of the name my dad used to call me when I was little.
I should ask him tonight. It somehow slipped my mind. bah!

My mind is jumping between thoughts again..

This is a weird song to listen to.. so don't ask me how I came by it;

Erasure - Save Me Darling

Everybody's sidekick.

Psychic?
hmm..
I was thinking of something while I was out with my dad last night. For what ever reason I'd felt like his sidekick at that time. Because I felt his need for company, I decided to leave my book and go out with him.
Same as how I'd feel about Dida sometimes.. of course I love going out, I'd take every chance I can get. I guess after countless of years being selfish and very self-oriented, it'd felt kinda weird to be doing things for somebody else. Even though it's really a small, measly, barely noticeable gesture. (I'm still self-oriented so of course I noticed the change! haha!)

Moving on..
I don't know how to start, but I can't say that it didn't hurt. What ever.. getting everything I want is simply not possible, so I'll live.

So I didn't get much sleep last night (this morning really) 'coz I've been reading Breaking Dawn since I got it yesterday afternoon. I must say, a page sort of stood out to me.

Life sucks, and then you die

Yeah, I should be so lucky.
Page 143, Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer

mm.. the content and the page number just amused me.
Let's all agree that my mind works in a weird way and the silliest things could easily distract me.

Eileen had an entry up on her blog.. about "your temper according to your horoscope". Apparently mine reads;
You are insensible and generally have no complete control over your emotions. You do get angry quickly and others marvel at your anger levels even when provoked. Actually, you get tongue-tied when angry and you will remove your anger waiting for the other person to calm down. Then you will reason with your opponent and convince the other person in a very gentle manner that the whole thing was just his mistake. You’re also likely to totally sever ties with someone when you’re upset with them.
I know it's horrible to admit but that very last part.. is so true.

mm.. I was sure I had something else to type out but I'm sort of out of time. I'll think of something for some other time.

Meaningless quotes for ya'

"Tiba tiba jadi bini"

"Bed in breakfast"

"Mana dia dapat duit?"
"Dia rompak bank"
"Dekat dah, ade something dengan bank"
"Dia tido ngan orang bank?"

"Na-tu-ral"

Everytime we actually got together with the rest of the family.. we always end up sitting with each other; instead of joining our cousins and aunts and uncles.. mingling. That's probably not right.. but I don't think the others could share our little jokes. Well, it'd be wrong to share our jokes with them.

It's nice having sisters whom you can talk to. It's nice knowing that you have someone who will be there for you, share things with you.. and I have two.
If there's anything that my parents had actually done right.. truly right.. it would be how they've brought the three of us up to be this close.
For that I am grateful.

Other than that, I am tired and miserable..

It was '92

..and The Moffatts were hot.
Thus, every single time I hear I Miss You Like Crazy somewhere, I can't help but cringe.
I blame Azraai for that. Him and his big mouth.. telling me things about his bestfriend then. hahahha!
Those blasted memories.. why do I have to remember unnecessary things like that.

It's weird.. I never really like taking showers but it's during those times when I think the most. (Maybe THAT's why I don't like taking showers..?)
Taking a shower is so mundane.. my mind is usually on overdrive then, just so I have something else to do.

So sometimes I think about people, but not in any sexual way. (sorry to disappoint. ha!) I suppose that should be weird.

Anyway, this is such a pointless entry.
It's been so hot in Shah Alam these days. sheesh! I miss Rotterdam. Dida was uploading some photos to her Facebook profile last night.. sigh. kapsalon!!

"Macam outside, tapi inside"

Yesterday with Ana was nice.

But oy, my computer is making me miserable.
Not being able to reach him anytime I like is making me miserable.
Having to wait 'til Monday for Breaking Dawn is making me miserable.. and anxious.
I'm just miserable, basically.

Oh, and out of boredom, I'd pulled out all the gray hair I could find at the front of my head. It wasn't out of vanity.. keeping them would be vanity.. (they've always made me feel like Rogue.. I like! haha!) So anyway.. I found eight. Kinda amusing..

Oh Ivan..

sigh..
I've been rereading some of my old books these past few days. I must say that it never bothered me, to read my books again and again. (thus the reason why I never liked borrowing books.. I hate having to give them back and not being able to reread them again when I'd wanted to remember certain parts.)
So I've been reading If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern since Monday. I forgot to list down that it is one of my most favourite books.. ever. (along with Tuesdays With Morrie, Like The Flowing River, Pride & Prejudice..)

..for anyone who's ever had that connection with someone, even if it only lasted for five minutes, it's important. For once I didn't feel that I was living in a different world from everybody else, but that in fact there was a person, a person I liked and respected, who had a piece of my heart, who felt the same way.
Chapter 19, If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern.

I've been reading the book very.. carefully.
Because there is this part. A part that had made me cry once before. I'm torn about how I feel about that part. I'm sort of looking forward to it just to see if it still upsets me, but as I come closer.. I feel dread.
I'm very close to that part now.. Maybe I'll just hold my breath and dive in.

(I took the dive. I didn't cry.. but hyperventilated a bit. Well, an improvement at least.)

hmmm..

[me] what should I write..
[him] blog?
[me] mm hmm
[him] write about you smashing your computer?

yah, so I'm using my old stupid computer (wooot!) and it blows.
but anyway.. I shouldn't complain much since at least.. it's usable. So.. I'm thankful. For now. I hope it'll live long..
One thing about my computer though.. as unreliable as it is.. it always keeps the relationship alive by surprising me constantly... you know.. Up and running one minute, hang and reboots itself the next.. dies one second, refuses getting reformatted even, then voila like magic it decides that it won't mind getting reformattted after all. ha ha haaa!

[commercial break..]
Hunny.. you suck! yayy!
.
.
You really suck, then.
Shut up.

Norah Jones - What Am I To You

Stupid effing Y!M.

For what ever reason, it decided not to load at all ever since this morning.
It irks me.
Really.. stupid.. stupid.. effing Y!M.
and you know what annoys me the most?
In the midst of me cursing over the fact that I am incapable of figuring out what is wrong.. whether I could have prevented it or maybe I was the cause of it.. I remembered that one time Sylly told me that "effing is not bad.."
hahahhaha!
Now I'm thinking if I should find a new word for cursing. Way to unintentionally distract me from brooding.

bahh!

"Mata kau sepet kat hujung"

Bahijah thinks I could pass it off as Chinese..
So did Dida, surprisingly. hahhaha! I mean, I'd understand HER being mistaken as Chinese.. she has small eyes. But she reckons I look like one because my eyes gets smaller narrower at the end. hahaha! It makes no sense at all.


I'm running a temperature.. and that was me pretending to be all cheery with my friends this afternoon. I should be resting now, but I refuse to!! rawrr!!
Oh, thanks for the souvenir Anaaaa!

Mat Kearney - Crashing Down

You're the only one who knows

This is one looong week!!

[him] afk

You have no idea how badly those stupid letters annoy me these days. blah.
Or the words "bye" or "gone".. they'd never been nice to see but it truly irks me to the core now. "Gone" especially. It had always left me staring at the screen for a full minute.

Must be boring to be reading me blab about him all the time. I promise you, I'd much rather just blab TO him about nothing at all but I can't, so I'll have to make do with making myself sound ridiculously mental in my own blog.
ughh..

The Fray - Look After You

Edison Chen!

haha.. he got two seconds of screen time..

I finally saw The Dark Knight..
zomg! My mind is on overdrive. But I'm grateful that at least it's not because I was unnecessarily worrying about things. weee!
I must say that it was the BEST summer blockbuster I've ever seen. Really. It was.. poignant. Not at all what I was expecting from a "Batman" movie.
Heath Ledger was amazing as Joker. Completely diabolical! It was nothing like the Joker in the old version of Batman.. he really was.. incredible.
The subject on social and humanity that the film touched on was definitely my kind of thing. And the ending.. I thought the ending was poetic. hahha! I truly loved it.

And now that I'm home.. after the long drive home from the cinema.. I can feel those unwanted thoughts that has been occupying my mind for the past two days are creeping back in.. gah!
Hunny aimishuuuuuu!!

..my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.
Chapter 23, New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

Hence, I blame you for everything.. for shooting across my sky in the first place. rawrrr! Now I shall count the days 'til I will finally get to talk to you again.
You really shouldn't have spoiled me so much.

Oh shoot.. how did I manage to forget about this earlier..
edited on 1:26 AM, July 23rd, 2008.
Me and Dida went to San Fran for dinner last night. The manager guy saw us outside through the windows and actually jogged to open the door for us! And as he led us automatically towards the smoking area, he said; "haven't seen you in a while.. thought you've gone somewhere." HAHAHAHAHA!!! And instead of asking what we'd wanted for drinks, he said "Shirley Temple?" BWAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!
I've gone there for too many times, haven't I?

We'd actually wanted to go to Chilli's at first (I'm missing Triple Play..) but it was packed, so we had to settle for San Fran. heh. I was trying to remember the last time we actually ate in Chilli's and it was way before we discovered San Fran! hahhaha! And the guy who waited on us was the bald guy who Dida claims to have a crush on me. bleh. I've got to stop her from saying that I'm an "old man attractor". gah!

Oh Edward..

I was re-reading New Moon today.
Even when I'd skipped 15 chapters, it was still quite depressing.
Can somebody please remind me next time that I shouldn't read books and/or listen to songs that are depressing when I'm actually depressed?

If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing… that would kill me.
Chapter 23, New Moon by Stephenie Meyer.

I just noticed how that simple line could possibly explain my entire psyche.

Okay, so I'm definitely feeling fine now. Slightly hazy, not quite normal yet.. but I'm getting there. What I am most certain of is that there will be no chance of me driving myself crazy with stupid thoughts that would end up making me cry involuntarily again tonight.
Of that, I'm really sure.

bah.. why does it take so long for me to feel normal again. It's annoying to constantly worry and think about things. Exhausting.
But maybe I should worry and think about things. Why do I get the nagging feeling that some things have changed?
Aaah dammit. It's starting again....

ughh.. and now I shall try to refrain myself from saying things that I would otherwise say to you personally for fear of making myself sound even more stupid than I already have.

In the mood for an awesome Korean composition, anyone?

K. Wil - Kum

I just looked up on the translation to this song and I must say that it made me love it even more.

I should stop now before I really start saying things that I can't take back.
Goodnight, world.

Fucking fine.

In the mood for sappy Indonesian song, anyone?

D'Masiv - Cinta Ini Membunuhku

Loving this song at the mo.

But I keep having a horrible image of two tortured soul at the opposite sides of a very busy highway. Both of them recognizing the loneliness in each other and more than willing to reach out to the other.. nothing would have stopped them except for the obvious fact that if they take a step forward, they will indubitably be roadkills. heh.
I know.. expect me to come up with such miserably morbid thoughts in my head.

Let's pretend that I'm fine..
gah. I have got to stop spamming my blogs! grr..

Lelah hati

I don't know what to say..
Maybe there isn't anything to say..

Please please please God make me stronger.
Please please please..
I'd rather not run..
I don't want to crumble either..
But I am crumbling.. so pathetically.

My rebellion proved to be one stupid mistake.
In my desperation for company I'd talked to the one person I shouldn't be talking to. It was hardly amusing, not at all entertaining. The only best part about the conversation was his opinion on what I should avoid for the sake of my happiness -- and believing with all my heart that he was wrong. It was amusing, to have felt the way I'd felt.. To be sure of something that isn't exactly certain.

But what's the point really..
Now I'm not sure of anything at all, which is really.. stressing upon my point earlier that my rebellion is really one big fat mistake.
blah. And there isn't anyone else to blame but myself, which is making the feelings worse.

Although, I can say now that at least I'm no longer bored..
Two entries in one night! ha! I swear if I could've got on Lifelogger, I would've blogged in there as well. (and make it three entries! heh.)

Skypez0r!

meh.. I have a bunch of reasons to love that thing these days. hahha!
I'm coughing a little now for laughing so much talking to Eeva just now.. (see, my internet-friends are actually REAL!) hahahhaha! ♥


SHOUT OUTZ
to you guys that got to this page from the chatroom! ♥♥♥
hahahhaha!

The thing about money..

I can't have them.
Really.
To me, the only reason why you should have them is so you can spend it! I mean, sure.. but some crazy people would suggest that I should save them but baah! Where's the fun in that? hahhaha!

Maybe I should blame my parents for the way I was brought up.
Mind, they didn't teach me to spend money so frivolously.. they didn't exactly give me everything and ANYTHING that I'd asked of them (imagine the brat I would've been if they had! How bratty can one be?) but they'd always make an exception when it comes to food.

So I always have this thought that it'd be a waste if I spend my money on finical things such as clothes or shoes.. Sure, it's nice to have new things to wear and I love having them, but I find it really hard to actually spend MY money on them. What's the point of having new clothes when you have to resolve to eating boring fast-foods for the rest of the month?
And yes yes.. I know that food always end up as poop at the end of the day. That is a valid point but still.. Clothes simply cannot beat food in my thoughts.

Well, food and books really.
I like to think that I'm doing something good with my money. heehee.
So anyway.. I have a bit of cash lying around (not much) and I've been thinking what I should be spending on for the past few days.. hmmm... heehee
Really.. I really shouldn't be with any money at all.

Anyway, my days have been pretty weird lately. (I'll spare you from my rants of my sleepless nights now)
I've been more or less.. blue. But not quite depressed.. so I guess that should be okay? Just not for the writing though. hahahha!
Gah.. this is so pointless..

baby, my heart aches :(

Sophie Ellis Bextor - I Am Not Good At Not Getting What I Want

Hello sombre..

meh.. screw hiatus.
The word is a jinx, I swear.. I was never able to actually be on a hiatus every single time I said that I was taking one.

Is it just me or the video version of Usher's Moving Mountains sounds a little more.. heartbroken, than the album version?

Usher - Moving Mountains (video version)

Knowing me, you should know which version I'd prefer, right?
I can be so predictable sometimes..

Quiet night.
I am always bothered on quiet nights. The silence has always intensified my most depressing thoughts and tonight, it's about the things that I am lacking.
blah. It's irritating to be so aware of yourself and the surroundings that you notice what's missing. Of course I am aware of what I have, and I am thankful for those.. but, there is always a "but".

In an attempt to dull my thoughts, I'd done something as mundane as sorting out my bookmarks! Of course it proved to be useless as I am writing an entry about this quiet night.
Maybe I should blame my playlist.. I mean, Mirror Mirror, My Immortal, If You Only Knew, and Stranger By The Day hardly sounds upbeat.

I remembered something earlier today.. about how fast I ran out of post-it notes during my time in uni. Leaving short messages to my friends before going home for the weekends.. the one I really remembered was the one Bahijah had left me while I was asleep. She'd stuck it on my computer screen.. it was nice, but a little sad.
I never liked people leaving when I can't see them actually leaving. bah..
I don't know why I'm thinking about this. Little notes?

I'm hating this stupid conversation that I have with myself right now.
But most of all I am hating the fact that I keep waking up in the middle of the night just being and feeling restless. What a waste of time and effort in going to bed in the first place. blah.
I'm not really angry.. just.. tired. Extremely. Exhausted.

This isn't exactly the day to be sombre.. maybe I should go out and do something (stupid, perhaps? ha!) later in the day.

Scared of love.

[him] i got ur letter, and read it
[him] =p

ha - ha
I keep feeling like I should hit myself everytime I send a letter out.
Mostly because I immediately forget about its contents just two days after sending them out.

Oy, mark this!
This is.. the 2000th entry on this blog!!
OMG!
And in the midst of nothingness, I had managed to forget about my blog's 6th year anniversary last month! Ah well.. this blog is exactly 6 years and one-month old today.

I'm thinking that I should take a hiatus from this blog. I dunno.. really take myself away from blogging as I keep upsetting myself when I write shitty stuff. Really, it's not that I used to even have any substance in my entries but these days.. I really feel like shit writing about stupid things. I feel like I'm a rubbish that takes the space on the floor.

At least when I'm miserable or depressed, I'd have some real thoughts on life or the lack of it. Or when I'm actually happy, I would write about how surprised I was of the feeling. But this.. the feeling that I'm currently feeling..
It's mediocrity and I simply cannot put up with it.

So I'm taking a break..
I'll be writing again when I'm utterly happy or incredibly depressed.
Until then, I'll just fill my Moleskine with all the rubbish that scatters around my brain.

Coheed & Cambria - Wake Up

Right for me.

I find it amusing how I thought of Sarah McLachlan's song biannually. I just noticed actually.. as I was thinking of the song tonight. (2004, 2006)

Sarah McLachlan - Elsewhere

Days has been pretty slow..
I'm writing less and less...
I fear to think that my brain is having less and less activity -- that my brain is deteriorating as the rest of my body are (is?) See!! I'm getting stupider by the second!

I need to get my writing-groove back.
I miss writing on things that I truly care about and spending 2-hours staring at the screen finding my words, instead of writing about things half-heartedly and spending 3-hours getting distracted talking to people and somehow ended up reading on some random things on Wikipedia.

Well, I'm bored so lets see what the horoscope has in store for me today..

It is possible you will meet a new friend or associate today. Social events are worth attending now, as contacts may prove helpful to you later. You enjoy being with your family and loved ones today.

Guess we'll just have to see how that goes later today..

You may be undecided about the direction of your life right now. Think back on what you loved to do as a child. You could get inspiration from these memories. Dream big.

Mmm.. sometimes (most of the time really) I feel like dreaming big is the reason to why I get into so much trouble. I get a little too free-spirited.. a wee bit reckless.
bleh.

Some days there won't be a song in your heart.
Sing anyway.

Emory Austin

The 7th thing..

[him] anything interesting u're doing?
[me] trying to think of something to blog about
[him] oo
[me] but there isn't anything to blog abooout
[him] then dont =p
[me] :-/

The facts were these.. I really had nothing to blog about.. but I don't want to keep having that previous entry at the top of my blog. Made me feel a little bad since I don't feel that way anymore, but deleting it.. I've never deleted any of my previous entries..
Well, there was one where I had edited drastically, but it was necessary for my future happiness. hahaha!

My angry bursts are horrible on paper (or in this case.. err.. well, you get the idea.) It's my little "payback". heh.
Taking a quote from A Knight's Tale; "I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity." (Chaucer)
hahahha! Although I rarely ever fictionalize my actual life (I do tell it as it is) I must admit that my writings are all strongly driven by my feelings and my feelings are very much into exaggerations. heh.
But really.. I was mostly talking about myself in the previous entry. So I wasn't really giving payback to anyone. I've never maimed anyone in my writings..
Not blatantly obvious on my blog at least. *smirks*

Ah well.. the things you have to put up with when you're with me.
Run now, or forever hold your peace.

Miley Cyrus - 7 Things

Excuse me..

Why do I keep feeling like an idiot.
Just thinking about it makes me feel like an even bigger idiot.
Loser-ish even and God knows I've NEVER described myself as being a loser.

Bloody asshole. I hate feeling weak.. and stupid.
'Cause I AM NOT stupid despite the fact that I say that all the time. I lied. (Refer to previous entry for an obvious example.) I am not stupid. But you making me feel like an idiot is actually an indication of me being stupid.

baah. It's time like this when I actually miss college.. the late night walks that are completely reckless and unsafe. Since I feel like an idiot anyway.. might as well I just act like one.
ughh. I'm supposed to be over my rebellious streak, dammit!

What's worse.. I actually feel like crying listening to love songs now! That's how frustrated I am over the stupid stupid measly, ridiculously stupid thing!
Fuck it.

Just needed to vent.
Goodnight.

You never write to me anymore..

really.. it's not fair. boo!
I refuse to write anything to/about you anymore..
ha ha ha ha ha!

Can't think of anything to write..
It's.. sad really.. Some people talk about gadgets, some about politics (pshh!), social/society things, fashion, food, music and movies.. and what do I talk about?
MYSELF!

HAHAHHAHAHA!!!
God, I must be really self-centered.
Since even when I don't really have anything to write about, I still ramble and babble about unnecessary things; such as this. (Can't help myself.)

Oh, I saw Wanted with Dida in the afternoon. The ending was.. interesting. But overall, I can't quite say if I loved it.
It was just.. fine.

Hope everyone's doing alright.
Have a good week!

I don't know how..

American Hi-fi - Another Perfect Day

Here's something..

So I told Dida that I've been having trouble sleeping. Even more than usual.
Then she responded; "you can die, you know?" (yeah I know.)
"At least you'll only get fat if you oversleep.." (yes yes, I get it..)

But the thing is, it is not as if I am doing it on purpose! It's not like I'm staying up because I wanted to.. If I had things to do, it would be different but my nights are spent by staring at different things around the room; closet, night lamp, computer screen, ceiling. Really exciting.

Anyway, I'm pooped.
I'd only managed to fall asleep way after 6 last night (morning, really) and before 9 my mom had come into my room to wake me up.
Spent the entire day in Seremban.. and I didn't nap a wink there. (Even though Mama and Dida did.)

I'd spent my time just chatting with Nina.. HOURS of chatting. Come to think of it, I hardly remember what we talked about. Mostly about Twilight series (I'm gonna make her read them!) and the M&M Cru and ACDC dance off that I saw on YouTube last night.

Then I actually told her about the things I'd talked about with my Facebook friends and one of them being my inability to start a casual-conversations. There was this one time when Nikki bombarded me with questions.. things that she wanted to know about me. I tried to return the favour but I couldn't think of anything to ask her.
To be honest, I'll end up forgetting her answers anyway.
Plus, what interests me most about the people I meet are their thoughts.

So naturally, I came up with one my-kind-of-question.
The conversation followed then was an interesting one.
And apparently Nina never knew that I always come up with a philosophical question to ask the people around me. I told her that I'd asked Papa on his thoughts on becoming a vegetable or depending on a life-support machine. She laughed and wondered why I had thought of things like that -- "I'm morbid, I suppose."

Ah well, I've known that I needed psych consult for a little while now. Nothing new there.. But now I wonder.. maybe it's the collective amount of the sleep that I lack is the reason to why I am the way I am..
HAHHAHAHAHHA!!
That is an idiotic theory.
I don't think the recent heartaches (induced by restlessness) are helping much to my quickly declining mental health anyway.
I should go to bed and try to get some sleep.

James Morrison - Under The Influence

I need to get to where you are..

So.. I was reading on those Jonas Brothers and apparently they wear something that's called a "purity ring". hahha! I don't mean to laugh really but it amuses me.
And what amuses me more is that on Wikipedia, listed under the See Also is "promise ring". hahahhahaha!
I swear I don't know why it made me grin and chuckle but it simply amuses me.
I actually think the idea of a promise ring is cute. *hint* (HAHHAha!!)

I find myself a little irked by the fact that I haven't had a "good" entry in a while. (Good by my standard that is..)

mm.. I'll try not to write about unnecessary, ambiguous things in the next entry.
It's been an incredibly slow day (Saturday).. even the voice in my head wasn't chattering as it usually would. Weird day.
Going to see Nina and the kiddies later today.. I look forward to getting ultimately pooped when I get back so I won't have to stare into nothingness as I wait until I get sleepy at night.
(I've been going to bed at 5am these days and waking up before 11am.. that can't be good.)

Joe Jonas' song is stuck in my head. ♥

Like tiny cracks in my heart..

but blah.. let's pretend that I'm fine. (I am really.)
Because pretending to be happy (or in this case, "fine") is easier than answering dozens of questions to why I'm not.

Anyway, I saw Camp Rock just now..
I LOVE IT!!!!!!
Okay, for the songs that is. (err.. and it also helps that Joe Jonas is cute.)

There was this song near the ending.. pretty cool!
Mitchie was singing a song somewhere near the beginning of the movie and Shane sang another song in the middle.. and at the end two of the songs are combined!
So cuuute! HAHAHHA!! (I'm a sucker for things like this btw)

Joe Jonas - Gotta Find You

Demi Lovato - This Is Me

A little troubled.

I forgot why.
I forgot a whole lot of things lately. Like what I'd wrote in my book last night.
I hate to think that my mind is trying to block something (since I can't think of anything that I'd rather block at the moment, so if it's just blocking my memory in random.. I find it disturbing.)
Anyway, I just forgot why I am feeling troubled but the feeling is just there.. a remnant of something uncomfortable and foul.
And to top it off.. I lost your house..
I know that doesn't make any sense. You don't have to try and make sense of it..

Oh crap, I just wasted 30cents trying to send an email from my phone to Blogger. I really ought to remember this little things. (There were 2 messages in my Outbox for Blogger; so it seems that I've tried that before.. and was unsuccessful. haha!)

Talk about being unsuccessful, I'd spent the last hour trying to figure out how to convert a particular segment of XML into HTML and blah.. I suppose it wasn't possible since I needed more info on the tags.. I'd wanted to say that it was a waste of my mind-space but then again it had helped me killed some time..
And I know.. talks about XML.. CSS.. HTML.. pshh! Even I don't talk about it (not really..) and reading about technical stuff makes my head dizzy (why did you think that I did so bad in school?)

The fact that I know my way around HTML is strictly talent, I figure. hahhaha! Well, it was logic really. So even though I don't like my brain so much most of the time, I must thank the fact that I have a bit of logic in it.
Logically, the XML that I was working on didn't have the tags that I'd needed to replace them into HTML (I actually managed to make sense of those codes..)
Logically, the XML was stupid and I was not. heh.

So, there is this blog.. that I love to read. But everytime I visit it, I'd have to take a deep breath and be prepared. Most times I went in for a read, I will end up feeling jealous about certain things. hahahha!
It's stupid really.. if I always end up getting upset, I should stop looking at it right? But I can't!! I'm addicted. Plus, my friends doesn't update their blogs as frequently as this blogger-dude does!
(And I won't be sharing his url anytime soon for fear that he might hop-blogs and found out that I envy him. hahhaha!)

Okay, obviously I'm rambling on some really unimportant stuff.
The facts are these; I'm diverting my thoughts away from the things that are pressing on currently.. mainly concerning my feelings, but I'd rather not get into that and I can't give shit about the politics SO you'll just have to read my pointless ramblings about pointless stuff.. (although to be honest, there were hardly ever any "points" to my babbles)

Jars Of Clay - Work

It's the breathing..

キョンキチ!

aaaackk! I can cryyy!
(because I'm happy.. sort of.)
OMG!
Okay, I shouldn't be happy about some silly things.. but I just AM!! I don't know why I haven't looked it up before.. but yaatttaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
Okay okay.. I'm stopping that.

I've actually been spending my days watching Fruits Basket (again) and only this time I had gotten around to look for the manga as well.. and thus letting myself be spoiled by the manga version of things.. HAH-HAH-HAA! (Ayame-laugh)
I don't think I'll go into that much since I'm very certain that most of you (if not ALL) wouldn't understand the crap I'll talk about. heehee.
Just.. make a note that I am happy about something that concerns Fruits Basket.

Real-life wise.. I am.. slightly.. indifferent. Or trying to be since the alternative would make me a worry wart.
Like hunny.. I'm concerned bugged about you not being able to call meeee.. ughh.. and I should just tell you right now since we're talking on Skype anyway but I am simply incapable of telling you.. things.
blah. I hate how much I depend on you. You suck! (No pun intended. HAHAHAA!!)

The dark clouds aren't looming over me so much now.
And I ran out of things to write about.. because.. I am.. indifferent. HA HAA!! (I sound more like crazy actually. Ah well..)

Norah Jones - One Flight Down

Damn headache.

Too much sleep.. damn sleep. To think that I only had.. 8 hours of sleep collectively. shit. I'm always better off being insomniac that hypersomniac.

I'm losing sight of things.. blah.

I'd rather not think too much about that right now.
So it's Tuesday.. and July. I should start looking for a job and there is no other thought than depressive ones that fills my head.
So in an attempt to make fun of myself and lighten up my own mood, I'm going to amuse myself by running through the things that I want/don't want in a job. (ha!)

That actually makes me slightly more depressive by the way but lets pretend that I'm normal.
I've figured out one thing that I want at least. I want.. to see people. (Talking to them is optional. hahahaha!) I could get a job for that call centre thingies. I mean, I don't speak bad-English. I could have gotten that job, make decent money. Well, I did get that job but I panicked at the thought of working (stuck) in a windowless room answering phones. FYI, I hate talking on the phone -- an exception with the loved ones (of course Sylly..)

I'm going to spare you from my "I wish I'd choose money over job-satisfaction" speech 'cause that would definitely make me depressed.

shit. This is a bad day and there is no reason to it other than it being an effing bad day! Not to mention my slight envy (ha!) towards somebody I've never met! ha-ha-ha
My Moleskine is filling up nicely these days..
I honestly don't know why I'm blogging this, I swear. My thoughts are effed up for no reason again. (Told ya' I'm cursing more and more..)

大 せつに

ughh..
Fruits Basket, episode 8 always gets me.
Okay well, since it's the umpteenth time that I've seen it.. it didn't get me as bad as it did when I saw it for the first time, but still.. it bugs me.

So I recently found a way to dull my thoughts; repetitive writing.
I have two full pages of it in my Moleskine now. haha! I suppose I had needed some major dulling the other day.
(For notes, I find smoking actually intensifies certain unwanted thoughts -- which I really don't need.)

As the year progresses, I find myself cursing more and more.
You see, when someone asks my age, I'd answer them the non-Malaysian style; which is really.. the age that I am instead of the age I'd be that year. It hardly seems fair for me to tell people that I'm 24.. Am I supposed to enjoy being 23 only for 18 days?? Come on!
And it pisses me off when people thinks that I told them I'm 23 because I hate aging.

Well, okay. I do. Only because I haven't done half the things that I wanted to do. Achieve things that I aspired to.
Torres is 24, did you know? So is Tévez. hahhaha. Okay, I'm not aspiring to become a footballer, just so you know. But it bugs me.. the number of successful people at my age.

And the worst of all, I am a firm believer that if you hate the situation that you're in, you should change it. So I am currently hating the situation.. well, my brain most of all.
I am currently hating myself but I am still me. So there is this constant battle in my head between the need to change my life.. my views.. or myself and trying to understand why I am hating them so much and yet still being in the same situation that I had started off with.
Am I making sense?
Anyway, I'm definitely hating my situation.. so I should change it. Or at least change my feelings towards it! hahahha!

Ohh I hate that tomorrow will be the start of July..

Ooh. Espana won the EURO. I wasn't exactly rooting for them but Germany didn't look like they deserved to win. Oh well..

Eman - I Shut Down

umm..

[!TJ-Schism] although tbh waniela, you're probably adhd

heh. I find it interesting having someone said that to me.
Question 18, "Even when sitting quietly, I am usually moving my hands or feet." Somehow reminded me of this one time when I was 12, in the school's hall. It was the end of year and we were preparing for the end of year ceremonies. I was sitting next to my class teacher, waiting for my turn on the rehearsal for the pantomime (I was one of the narrators) and I was fidgeting.. moving my feet, then my teacher placed her hand on my knee and asked me to stop. hahahha!
If only I'd known of ADHD at that time.

Anyway, the quiz said I'm moderately ADHD, but I'm actually just 2-points away from having "Adult ADHD".
mm.. I don't know why I'm typing this entry. I'm just bored I guess. Maybe I just need to get one of the bunch of mess that is in my head out. Or maybe I'm trying to tell myself that I have a perfect excuse for being exactly who I am. Then probably I won't hate myself too much. ha ha ha ha ha!

Stupid song is in my head;

Vanessa Hudgens - Say OK

Lets distract oneself..

umm.. you know.. When you're feeling bored.. or have a particular impure thought that you'd rather not think about, distraction is the way to go!

Funnily, when I need to distract myself, I always think about food..
Famous Amos cookies, Chocolate Chip with Pecan. ooh..!
Cream puff.. the one you can get at Pavillion.. the kind that oozes cream with every bite! A bit of a mess really but oooh!
A good piece of pie.. Apple pie.. I am SO going to get it the next time I'm at San Fran restaurant.
Strawberry tart at Coffee Bean.. gaah!! oh wow, I haven't been to Coffee Bean in a while! ooh.. I also want that strawberry cake at that cake shop that I can't remember the name of. Fruity? Juicy? ughh..
I wish Secret Recipe still makes their baked cheese cake. I miss those. Haven't been to Secret Recipe ever since they discontinued it. Morons.
oh oh! The simplest of all.. a Baguette with a good slab of French butter.. yummm!!

Apparently I'm craving for sweet and creamy things.
mm.. my attempt at distracting myself isn't working..
and obviously this is one unnecessary entry. (yet another failed attempt at distracting myself.)

3 - 2

bwahahha! Selangor lost the final FA Cup against Kedah.
It was pretty intense during the final 20 minutes.. but it was too late. Actually I was even surprised that we made it to the finals.. Selangor had been playing pretty pathetically lately. heh.
(I have faith in my team.. but I spare my blind faith for just God. hahaha! You can never underestimate people's stupidity.. but I am NOT that stupid.. heehee.)


Ooh! On our (me and Dida) way back, the radio was playing the following song;

The Cranberries - Linger

hahhaha!!
Damn, Azraai! I keep thinking of you whenever I hear this song. Curse youuuu!
Anyway, I forgot.. when are you supposed to come back again? heeheehee.

Miss Thirty.

Okay, well.. Mrs, more like.

It was Nina's birthday yesterday and we'd celebrated by going to the karaoke. heehee. Papa wasn't there though, typical! Such a party-pooper.

We did nothing much basically. Ruined a bunch of songs like always. Dida likes to torture ME by choosing songs with ridiculously high pitches and tells ME to sing them for HER. So of course, she sings them perfectly in tune while I.. did not. hahaha!

Anyway, then Dida sang one of Letto's songs and now my mind keeps repeating it. Lyrics.. lyrics.. the poetry in Indonesian songs never fail to amaze me.

Letto - Hantui Aku

Tapi memang dirimu selalu hantuiku Walauku tak tahu hatimu Oh please jangan pernah kau berhenti hantui aku

But it's true that you always haunt me Even when I don't know your feelings Oh please don't you ever stop haunting me

uh.. yeah, that was my pathetic attempt at translating the chorus.

"New Post"

It's been days since I last posted.
And it has also been an interesting couple of days since I discovered that Dida's Konica Minolta camera can also be used as a webcam!


Also.. rediscovering Skype was a lot of fun! Did you know that you can have a conference with up to 25 people?! I mean, that's impressive! Sure, you won't be able to hear everyone talk at the same time but the sound quality is amazing! heehee.

I actually had a conference with 6 other people the other day.. there were Syl, Nikki, Jake, Julie, Jonny and TJ! It was super cool.. being able to talk to all those guys. Then later had another conference with Eeva and David too! hahhaha!
I must agree with Nikki.. we must be the weirdest people on MHA-world. Of course, I'm not denying the fact that I am pretty weird, but to have met a bunch of similarly weird people out of a game is kinda cool!

Just for notes, I haven't emailed the finance department like I said I would. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I'm just a little stumped I guess. I had emailed them in English and they'd replied in Malay.. and now I'm not sure how to write them back. The words are forming in English in my head but I guess I should write them back in Malay..? blah. My mind keeps getting worked up over some measly things and completely missing the bigger picture. Idiotic.

Today's Nina's birthday. We're planning to celebrate by going to karaoke! hahahha! Should be fun.

On a totally different subject: I've been craving for something sweet for daaayyss!!

. . . .

28444
16-Jun-08 16:42
RM0: Dptkan tips2 cinta yg hangat skrg! Taip ON FANLOV & hantar ke 28444. Anda akan terima mesej bgambar secara PERCUMA tiap2 minggu. Apa tunggu lagi?

HAHHAHAHAHAHHA!
HAHAHAHHAHAH!!!! Really... HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Mark Twain

Hmmm..

The past couple of days has been a little frustrating.
I keep thinking about the past.. if by any chance I could change it.
It's frustrating because I KNOW what I could have done better. Things that I wish to improve. Things that might make the present.. better. (Economic-wise, that is.)

For instance, school. I keep thinking if I hadn't been fooling around too much while I was in high school. I mean, they were FUN but if only I had studied better. I'm not stupid (even being 4-points behind Nina on IQ.. heh!) but I'm just.. so damn lazy when it comes to "working my ass off".
It's so annoying.. if I had done better during SPM, I could've gone to a better school.. or at least cheaper. hahhaha!

But the thing about school.. I've never been very keen on the education part. It has always been about "friends" to me. It has always been about making a contact with another human being. I know, I know.. obviously I've been looking at it all wrong but I'm simply not studious.

So even though the thought of MMU makes me cringe these days.. I can't possibly truly hate it. It had introduced me to some really good friends. Taught me some life-lessons even. Corrupted me a little, but hey it's been fun! I mean, forget about the projects (that I did not complete) and exams (that I'd failed), it had been really fun! (Okay, forget about the time when I was semi-depressed/furious too.)

blah. Anyway, the reason why I'm writing this entry is because reality is sinking in.. and I have to start paying my stupid-asswipe-school loans.
I mean, I've never been really bothered by money. I'm simply too laid-back when it comes to material-things. Finer things are preferable, but I'm fine with what I have. You can't complain when you're lazy, right? I don't think I should complain about things when I'm not exactly doing anything to improve the current situation -- so I don't complain.

But I should grow up.. suck it up and get stuck to a job that I hate.. Seems like that's what grown up people do anyways. blah. I should reply the email from my old school's finance department later.
gaah. How annoying. Even when I know that I must pay my loans, I'm actually thinking of a better way to use my future-paychecks; like travelling! hahahha!

Elefant - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

Thinking.. thinking..

I still like listening to sad songs.
I wonder if it means something.
I'm worrying myself by thinking if my subconscious is trying to tell me something. I hope not. heh. I'm obviously thinking too much.

hmm.. maybe I am feeling sad.
Some days I'd rather not speak at all. I realize that talking about my wants and wishes had only reminded me how I don't have them. Of what I'm lacking. How hollow it really feels.
blah. I wonder if one's heart would eventually get tired of aching.

Usher - Moving Mountains

Stuck in my head.

ughh..
Imagine having a tune stuck in your head for two hours.. not remembering the name of the singer, title.. or any part of the lyrics except for "love". hahahha! How annoying is that?? I mean, what song doesn't have the word love in it??

Anyway, finally found it.. now I can have a rest while putting the song on a loop. heh. Now I can get it stuck in my ears.

Samantha Mumba - Always Come Back To Your Love

Come get me.

Heaven knows I'm miserable now.
Of course.
My head keeps playing that song everytime I'm feeling miserable.

I actually need to write something in my Moleskine instead of typing some meaningless things in my blog.. but I just don't feel like reaching deep down into my soul just yet. Enough heart aches for one day. I'd rather not think about it now.
blah. Maybe I should before I forget..

Okay, I'm adoring this song. I think it'd be just as awesome if a girl sings it too. heh.

Day 26 - Got Me Going

Know what I want from you
So what you got baby
You know I wanna see
What you can do with me
hahahha!

Oh, funny..

I redid The Wedding Predictor Test on Tickle.. just to amuse myself earlier.. It used to say that I'll be married by 28th July 2012, but now my "due date" is 3 weeks earlier!
HAHAHHAHAHHAHA!
I don't know how I feel about that.

Well, I'm not going to think much about that, so moving on..
Oranje won last night! woohoo!
And and.. even better news.. Hamilton is penalized for the stunt he did during the race last weekend. HAHAHAHHA!! I'd told Dida that he will be penalized even before the message came out at the bottom of the screen; Incident between cars 1, 7 and 22 will be investigated after the race. I said, "10 spots from his qualifying position", and voila! He did.. will! hahahhaha!

Okay, nothing much to share for now..
but don't you think that this song sounds like something I'd usually listen to? heh.

Midnight Hour - Running Away

hmmm... I'm thinking of nothing.

Fuckface.

Sorry. I'm in a shitty mood.
And I'm not cursing at anyone in particular. (bull!) Okay, I'm mostly cursing at myself.. and reality.
Damn it, I need to grow up.

I've been thinking about a lot lately..
Wondering about a bunch of stuff...
For instance, what if I had not felt the way I felt the months leading to the moment I decided to "screw" education.. If I had been stronger and suck it up.

But I can't regret now, can I?
If I had still been in school, I wouldn't have been able to see Europe.. work in Kinokuniya.. know the locations of the fire escapes in KLCC (that had helped me win a copy of Harry Potter! heh).. hung out as much as I had with Rai that last time he was in town.. I might not even got to know Alia..

I could be in a job right now.. I could have started paying my stupid school loans..
and if I had, I wouldn't be spending as much time on Facebook.. wouldn't spend my days talking to the 16 people that I talk to every single day.
I wouldn't have known you..
Wouldn't have your calls to look forward to everyday...

Would I be happier? I don't know!
Now all I can think about is what I can do to make us happy. gaah! I swear, my head make me sound like an old fart. I HATE IT! I hate it when my thoughts sounded so serious. heh. It's an ego thing actually.
I refuse to take things any more seriously than the other person does. hahahhaha! shit. I was talking about something serious just now! I'm not supposed to laugh! grrrr.

Stupid fucking school loans. They should leave me alone. Seriously, they hardly taught me anything in school.. they shouldn't make me pay.. the bastards. The fucking assholes.

ABBA - Money, Money, Money

Damn it. It finally feels like I need to get a job.
Not just because I need to pay that damn school loans. It's just.. hmmph.. I finally have something that I actually.. really want.
Damn you.. and I can't even hate you.

Bloody hell..

I think I need to bang my head to the wall.. hard, so I could forget about the weekend. (Saturday in particular.)
blah. Remind me not to want anything so bad ever again.
Syl, I don't want you.
hahahhaha! (Laughing so I won't cry again. I absolutely HATE getting worked up like this.. blah!!! grrr!!! Make me forget, make me forget, make me forget, make me forget..)

I watched Step Up 2 : The Streets earlier. I had to sigh. Have I ever mentioned here that I love guys who can mooove? hahahha! Although I've never related them to sex (as Hitch would've suggested). I think it's just cool. And that is why, I can't help myself from watching movies about dancing.. or can't turn my eyes away when there's Usher's or Chris Brown's video on telly.
O yeah, speaking of Chris Brown, I swear I saw someone who looked like him a few days ago (that damned Saturday). That guy had the brows and lips.. heehee.

I had to try my best not to stare at him. hahahha!!
Of course, I'm kinda bad at NOT-staring. But I didn't get caught.. so.. ALL HAIL THE STARE-MASTEH.
hahahhahahahha!!
I'm losing my mind, sorry.

Oh, I like Step Up 2 by the way. I think that dance at the end was HOT! hahahhaha!
Anyway.. trying to find She's All That now. Kinda missed it. heehee.
oooh.. Nederland versus Italia tonight!! Land, hup hup Hol! hahhahaha!! God, I miss everything Europe right now..

GO ORANJE!!

Cherish feat. Yung Joc - Killa

Crushed.

Yes I am.
But you don't know that 'cause I'm not saying anything about it. Not yet at least. So never mind that.. for now. I just need to clear my head a bit.. find a new plan, set THAT in motion.. and once I no longer feel crushed or at least calm enough when I think about it, I shall tell someone about this stupid thing that had left me baffled and clueless.

A thought crossed my mind yesterday..
I wish I was photogenic.
I wish I was goth so random people wouldn't ask me for directions.
But really, the two won't go hand in hand would they? heehee.
Actually, I do wish I am photogenic AND that people wouldn't come to me and ask for directions. I was waiting for a bus yesterday and there were.. a LOT of people around. But this black car stopped right in front of ME! Asked how to get to Plaza Massalam. In my shock and stupidity, I told the man on the driver seat to make a u-turn when he could easily drive all the way straight until he sees the roundabout. gaaah! (I did told him that, eventually.. after a lot of err and umm when I can't visualize the road if he HAD made a u-turn.)
Idiot.

I swear, some days I just don't know where my head's at.

hmm.. changing topic.. you know, there is ONE question that I can't answer 'cause it's annoyingly easy and yet I have NO ANSWER for it??
"What is the most embarrassing moment of your life?"
Bloody hell. I don't think I have any!! The only thing I can think of was the one when I fell flat on the floor after jumping out of a chair during class, but really.. that wasn't really embarrassing! It was funny! I laughed so hard that day! gaah. I can't believe I can't answer one simple question.
Idiot. I should stop laughing at everything.

Okay. I'm coughing and I need a good rest.

Love you hunnyyyyy!!
heeheeheee.

Mush.

The Pogues - Love You 'Till The End

Finally!

I'm coming down with a flu/fever... excellent!
I must've sneezed.. at least a dozen times today. Horrible.
Dida just laughed earlier.. as if impressed with the viruses for finally getting me. hahha! After months of trying.. with the rest of the family having the flu and fever that had dragged on for weeks.. TWICE, the virus finally infected me.
baah. Just when I thought I was invincible. hahahha!

The last time I was being stubborn and refused any medication (well, I was in the experimenting-mood anyway) the flu had stayed with me for two weeks.. so.. Panadol, here I come!

YUCK at the dark circle under my eye!

Fuel price going up..

I swear everyone's losing their mind.
And I'm glad that I don't have a car. I'd be pissy.
Dida is planning of ways to save up some money -- actually turning off the a/c, waking up early so she wouldn't have to use the highway with the more expensive toll to work.

The petrol price is RM1.92 per litre and it'll be RM2.70 per litre starting midnight.

There's a Petronas station near our house and there was.. a crazy long queue leading towards it!! Me and Dida had a hard time going out and going back in to the area of our block! It was crazy!! We hated it. We hate stupid people who are oblivious that they're blocking our way.

the red dots were the cars lining up towards Petronas
Dida actually said that someone should throw a Molotov cocktail at Pak Lah.. hahahha! I swear, it was almost poetic.. throwing a petrol bomb. HAHAHA!
FYI, I am NOT suggesting that anyone really should hurt the prime minister in any way, yeah?
But seriously, increasing the fuel price is by NO CHANCE the way to the people's hearts. The government had definitely lost it.

P.S, you blow!

Finally saw P.S. I Love You.. and I don't like it. Not one bit. I think it's a disgrace! (okay, that was mean) But I really don't like it. If it was meant to be an adaptation of the book that I love.. I say that it's a BAAAAD adaptation!
Real bad.

But I'd talked to someone who had seen the movie without reading it first and he happens to like it. Ah well.. if you find yourself liking it, obviously you haven't read the book.

Something a tad random: Dida thinks I don't know myself as well as I think I do. Apparently at my age, I couldn't possibly know myself.
I don't know.. heh! Okay, maybe she's right.

Saw this when I was going up the stairs to my house.
Very sad teddy bear.. left outside in the cold rainy night.

it took me 6 hours and 12 minutes to finish writing this entry! hahahha!

Happy birthday pops!

Papa's birthday yesterday..
See, I've mentioned it before.. how I like June.. I like Geminis. Papa and Nina are Geminis.. so was my first best-guy-friend. heh. (hmm.. I wonder how's he doing these days.)

So anyway, we all got together for a dinner at San Fran Steakhouse (Midvalley!)
Dida had told Nina, Jasmin, and our parents that the manager had a thing for me 'cause he remembers me. blah. She likes to do that.
Of course, there's nothing wrong when a manager of a restaurant remembers you right? It's actually quite flattering when he comes to your table with your exact order and said, "for you.."
HAHAHHAHAHA!!!
I thought it was hilarious too. Then Mama craned her neck trying to get a look at the guy when he was way at the end of the room.

But really.. when it comes to food, I can get annoyingly predictable. I'll eat the same thing again and again until I get so sick of it that I wouldn't want to have it or look at it for a long period of time. haha!
So.. it's no surprise that the manager actually remembers my "usual".

So anyway, basically I had spent my night smacking Dida's arm for a bunch of reasons, having too much to eat, laughing hysterically at some silly jokes and trying my best not to walk funny 'cause my heels were hurting me. hahhaha!

It's been a good night, I suppose.
I'm willing to bet that I'll have pleasant dreams tonight but only to wake up feeling miserable. gaah!

High self-esteem -- required.

It's been an enlightening weekend for me..
A load of "family-time", but not too bad.

Had a family get together at Cik Yam's place on Saturday, and some time in the middle of it, Fariza (my cousin whom had gotten married less than a month ago) announced that we're going to merisik (pardon my lack of vocabulary) her brother's girlfriend after next month's family get together!
(Merisik is basically a Malay's tradition where the guy's family visits the girl's family home to meet her parents and voice their son's interest in marrying their daughter.)

Aaacckk!!
Apparently.. obviously.. we're practically lining up the wedding(s) for next year. And also.. seemingly, we're starting a tradition of 2 weddings in a year. (Cik Mi's and Maya's last year.. Fariza's and Ain's this year..) The second Fariza made that announcement, my uncs and aunts called out the names of us older kids; a couple of my cousins.. Dida.. MINE as candidates for the second wedding of next year! (Of course, my response to being called was anything but graceful.)
The more people talk about weddings, the more I want mine to be later.. laaater.. waaayy later. Just NOT NOW!

Dida said something very interesting that day. Because there was this one brief moment.. where this kid; Cik Yam's helper's kid did something wrong by accident.. and Cik Yam automatically made fun of her. She was like.. four, I think! And Dida made a point that whomever is in our family -- or wants to join us, NEEDS to have a very high self-esteem. (or a super-thick skin!) Between the sarcasm and constant teasing.. really.. you won't be able to hold out for long if you don't have either of those.
And so I said to Dida and Papa; "Should I worry for my future spouse..? No, I rephrase. I'm worried for my future spouse." hahahha! Seriously though.. my extended family.. the entire lot of my dad's side are.. incredibly sarcastic.

On Sunday, me, Dida and our mom went to Seremban to see Nina and the kiddies. Did nothing much really.. Nina just wanted to try out a recipe from her copy of Nigella's Feast; which had really cracked me up from the kiddies' doodles! I swear.. Nigella had turned into a vampiress!!
Watched some telly while we waited.. (for the super-late lunch/early dinner.. hahha!!)

But at one point, I was distracted by the small group of ants on the windowsill.. they were stubbornly trying to get some bug into the tiny crack on the window. It was amazing.. and annoying at the same time! They must've tried it for at least 2 hours 'cause that was how long I was watching the telly. (repeat of Sassy Girl Chun Hyang was on 8tv!!) But I was never good at waiting and staring so I never knew if the ants managed to get the bug into the crack.

The chicken was nice!! But the mashed potato was even more awesome. *ehem* Because I worked on the potatoes.. *ehem* hahhaha!
We did nothing much after the meal. Just sitting around, yapping.. watching the kids play.. gossiping a bit.. Talking about our mom even though she was in the same room.. hahhaha! I adore my two sisters.. except the fact that Dida is SO Dida.. typically telling Nina stuff about me. gaaah! It's actually weird when people knows things about you when you didn't tell them anything. Feels like they're cheating or something. heh.

Kiddies running around

Okie.. should head to bed soon if I want an early start tomorrow. (Today, really.)