What IS IT with men and baju melayu??

I can say this on behalf of most females in Malaysia;
a very easy way to a girl's heart is by you (guys) wearing a pair of baju melayu.
haha. I mean, seriously.. the outfit can do wonders! I was blog hopping earlier and came by this blog where this guy had a picture of him in the outfit -- and he looked goood -- and he's not even Malay!
I have no idea what is it with Malay women and men in baju melayu. Maybe it's like men in uniforms.. an aphrodisiac of some kind. hahahha!

Today I woke up and noticed than an ex sent me a text. (It rhymes!) It was nothing important, but before we said goodbye after a few exchanges, he said that he missed me. *rolls eyes* I wonder what people missed about me sometimes. The stupid jokes I made? My insight on life? (hahahha!!!) My long and winding letters? My mere presence? HAHAHAHHAH!!
Sometimes it's just weird thinking about things people have said to me.. because they barely made any sense.

I suppose it's just weird to have seemingly touched someone's life when you'd barely touch them.
Anyway, it's good to be friends with an ex. I expect that if I needed someone to build me a house, I could count on him to draw me the blueprints. hahaha! That's what my father used to say to me actually; to not lose contact with your friends 'cause you'll never know when you're going to need their services! HAHAHHAHA!
That's why I like keeping Alia close -- she's a law major! hahahhahahha!!!

Annie Lennox - Dark Road

Maybe..

Some people aren't meant to sleep. heh.
As some people aren't meant to talk. Or write.
It's like.. when you have nothing nice to say, why say it at all right? Sure I don't expect everyone to be all dandy 24/7 but if I can do something about it.. if I can stop myself from saying things that'll only hurt people (and myself eventually), I should make a conscious effort to do it, right? To not do it would be stupid and reckless.

Is honesty really the best policy? Or is truth really overrated?
hmm.. I can never decide.

Anyway, these were me and my sisters' Facebook status two nights ago. hehe. Just wanted to write it down somewhere;
Ida Harlina is sick of the big momma's dramas!! 23:46
Wanie is also sick of the big momma's dramas!! 23:58
Ida Haryati is sick & sick of the big momma's dramas!! 08:58

Brandi Carlile - Hiding My Heart

Duuude, I'm bored.

So I'm in Seremban..
Nina and Jasmin invited some people over for an "open house" on Sunday. (I suppose it's a Malaysian thing where you invite people over to your house for food and I dunno.. catching up?) Dida and I came on Saturday night to help them with the food that by Sunday afternoon, me and Dida couldn't help ourselves from falling asleep while there were still Jasmin's friends around.
(Well, Dida at least managed to hide herself in the spare room.. I dozed off on the sofa in the living room. hehe)

Now it's Monday, Deepavali and also Izzati's 5th birthday!


Dida's not feeling well and has been practically sleeping all day. No idea when we're going head home. blah. Could've gone home with the parents last night but the thought of being in the same car with JUST them was SO unappealing.

Anyway, 'til later!
Nothing much to write about, really.

RM 33 for a (cute) knickers??

Which part of the term "cheap date" don't you get? hehe.
Come to think about it, the best date I had was this one time when the guy brought me around KL.. by bus! hahha! gah! I probably should be embarrassed by that fact.

I had an incredibly long day. Decided to kick myself out of the house so I could actually spend some money. Somehow I got hold of Cik Alia and weeeeeeee! I got a shopping buddy.
I'm just going to write about the things that popped out through the day though.

1. I must thank God for not fating me to slip down the steep hill and break my neck as I made my way to the commuter station after the bus decided to take a different route.

2. We had lunch at Chilli's.. and as we were talking and eating, I lit up my second ciggie and one of the waiters came over and said, "miss, can I see your ID?" HAHAHHAHA! I was really just laughing as I handed my ID to him. After he checked my birthdate, he said he was sorry that he had to ask. haha! Well, thanks..?

3. I went to Amcorp Mall for the first time today (Dida works in the building now) and I find it incredibly dull.

4. I'd only spent RM5.20 on transportation for the entire day!

5. It's amusing how people had pictured me as the "good, naive girl". Alia asked me a couple of questions earlier and me being me; when somebody asks me a question straight forwardly, I'd answer them just as straight and forward -- and my answers had apparently caught Alia by surprise.
It was amusing to see her expression though.

6. Johanz (Alia's boyfriend) was very polite! I've never seen him around anyone older than our age.. so it was.. impressive! haha!

7. Alia and I spent about 7 hours together but we didn't take a single picture of us being together!! What's up with that??

dude, I looked like I was just harassed by a mob. So scruffy. So not cute.
8. I spent money today and not just on transports and food! whoopee!

9. I should be sleeping 'cause I had a looong day! (Woke up before 9am.. came home past 2am -- because I tagged along Dida hanging out with her friends.) But I had to get out of bed just now as I needed to pee. Then I had trouble shutting my eyes.

10. blablabla blablaa. There are only 9 things that popped in my mind right now, but stopping a list at the 9th item feels weird.

Please stop screwing me up.

Here's yet another entry where I'm going to tell you how my parents has influenced me into becoming a less than ideal human being person. If you happen to be a 60-year old male, has three daughters, works in a company with his brothers and living in Shah Alam, Pa, stop reading this.

I have a HUMONGOUS doubt over the marriage institution. So much so that I even told a few people that "I don't believe in marriage". So much so that I have considered a life as a spinster.

I can't remember the last time that my entire family was happy.. truly happy instead of being "civil". Civility frustrates me.
Here I will tell you that my parents do not shout at each others throats. They do not throw things at each other. They do not communicate. It is SO bad that I don't communicate. So bad that I wish I could smack them both and lock them into a room with everything breakable I could grab as I drag them into that room. Kill each other if you must -- so long as I wouldn't have to see the damn silence.

They are the perfect example of the two souls who aren't meant to be together. Sure sure, if it wasn't for them, most probably I wouldn't be here. (Then again I would've probably been born in a different family -- although I do adore my sisters, so I'm not so sure I'd trade my parents at the cost of MY sisters.)

Having this as an example.. gives me very little hope in "marriage". Perhaps I'm the extremist as my sisters had agreed on -- do it whole heartedly or don't do it at all. Why bother when you're not going to jump in with both feet?
Why bother having a partner when you don't share everything?
Why bother?

Interestingly.. unfortunately.. My dad did told me that he was happy once. Can you imagine the impact of those words to a child's point of view? I am 23 years old, a young adult.. and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't laugh at it. I couldn't stop feeling sad over it. Maybe he shouldn't have told me that. Too much information -- except that I crave for information as my mother has the maturity level of a 19-year old, and shares NOTHING with me.

Their screw ups has made me a perfectionist when it comes to relationships. If my partner was boring me, I'd cut them off. If we ran out of things to talk about, I'd cut them off. If they'd expected more of me than what I was ready to give them, I'd cut them off. If I find myself hiding more and more things about myself than revealing them, I'd cut them off.
People rarely ever change. It is our views about them that changed so you shouldn't be in a commitment with the hopes that your partner will change.
heh. See how dark my views are about relationships? *claps for the parents*
Unless I could see a slight chance of achieving perfection.. why bother.

My future spouse will have a hard time convincing me to get married. hahhaha! Dida asked me an interesting question the other night. She asked me how would I feel if my child wants to marry a non-Muslim. Me being me, I said I would be fine. She knows me, but for the sake of your understanding; I'm not really religious. I'm merely comfortable being a Muslim, but I don't practice it much. I believe in Allah.. because I like to believe in something bigger than life. A reason to why things happened the way that it did without me having to drive myself insane looking for an answer.
So to have an intellectual understanding is the main criteria I look for in a spouse -- instead of the person being in the same religion as it's supposed to be. (Please don't ask me how I feel about gays! haha!)
Have I sinned for admitting these?

I don't know.. maybe.
My point; I'd rather end up as a spinster than being in a commitment that I'd be miserable in. I just don't understand how anyone would choose to be stuck with misery only for the sake of "being together".

bah. I'm rambling. See, if my parents weren't having the same drama since the past month (plus ten years), I wouldn't have things to reflect on or ramble about.
Blame them for making me -- ME.
Not that it makes me feel any better. I don't like myself too much.

Goodnight world.

Perhaps today I could try.

And write.

It's weird not having a single thought. It's weird not having a single thought that I could write about. It wasn't as if I was devoid of ANY thought at all for these past few days. (I could only dream about the existence of such days -- I've never had them.) But most of the thoughts I had were too personal for me to write in a blog.
Some were not even written in my Moleskine.

You know how some things are better left unsaid so they wouldn't seem "real".. and you could continue on living in denial -- in hopes that it'll keep the sadness at bay and you can live your life relatively happy?
That's what I was doing. Keeping myself from writing anything so I wouldn't write myself to gloom.
And so, I am happy to announce to you that I am not gloomy! hehe

Though I have been smoking more lately. That's not good. I mean, I hate spending so much on ciggies! I've always thought people who spends money on smoke are stupid. If this keeps up, I'm gonna have to start stealing! hahahhaha! Okay, not funny.

Somebody once told me that I have a set of eyes that has the expression as if they were laughing at the world in mockery. Well, I don't mock the world -- I mock at people. hahhaha! Again, not that funny.
Anyway, last night I was standing around as Dida took out some money from the ATM. My eyes wandered around and my eyes caught this guy on the escalator.. I suppose he was looking my way as well that when our gazes met, he had a small smile and raises his eyebrows! HAHAHHAHA! That was funny. What is it with Malaysian men, really? Can't women look without having them turn an innocent look into something else? Can't I look without having them turn an innocent, boring look into something else?? hahhaha!
Ah well, I'm obviously easily amused.
Although, one thing about Malay men that had NEVER amused me.. is how many of them likes to say "jangan la marah" (don't be upset) even when you're not even remotely upset. That line INFURIATES me.

I'm afraid if any man says that to me, I'd immediately stamp them as a "typical Malay man" and a MORON. hahahha!

I'm rambling. And quickly losing my un-gloominess. Better be off and write a letter or something.
'Til later.

Peep toe heels make me feel sexy.

mm.. so.. it's been a while, I know.
Though I don't know why I haven't felt like writing anything. I always have something to write but these days it's just.. "blah".
I've been thinking of going out with my friends but even the thought of it is "blah"! I mean.. really.. I LOVE hanging out with my friends. But knowing that I haven't got ANYTHING to say to them.. is "blah".

blah blah blah.
I don't talk blah. Blahs are meant for blah people. I am NOT one of those blah people! Blah people are the ones who talk about the weather, with weather being the exact meaning for "weather" and not a code word for something else.

I don't usually hate people doing a cover on anybody else's songs, but I actually like this one;

Westlife - More Than Words

The Office.

eeep! Nothing much to share, but I was watching this week's episode of The Office and the last two minutes was just.. eeeeeek! (Okay, that's not very descriptive, I know, but that's just how I feel.)

More people should be watching the show.. I'm just saying. hehe

Expect a thousand more..

because love songs sounds better in acoustic. ♥
Happy 6th monthsary (+2 days) Sylly. hehe

Blue October - Calling You (Acoustic)

PB & J

Doing better now.
Seriously.. had I been more of a girly girl, I'm pretty sure my mood swings would be more of an interchange between fine and angry than fine and depressed. It was amusing though.. the last time I was feeling down, Boyfie said matter-of-factly that "thinking of depressive thoughts does not mean that you're depressed" but the other night he asked "why are you so depressed lately?". hahahha! For once he actually recognized my depression. hahhahaha!
I shouldn't be too happy about that, should I?

Last week I watched some old episodes of The Office. First few of the 4th season specifically because Jim and Pam are the happiest in those. haha! (S04E04 was nicest somehow..) I can't help it.. I like seeing people who grins too much I suppose. Reminds me of happier days.
I've always envied those kinds of people anyway.

Paramore did an exclusive song for the Twilight movie soundtrack, which sounded pretty good! If you're a fan, you could listen to it on Stephenie Meyer's website. I'm actually looking forward to the movie even though I know it'll actually butcher the things that I love in the book -- I'm prepared to be disappointed.

So I suppose I could use my duit raya to fix my computer.. or guitar.. But "fixing stuff" doesn't feel like the right way to be spending my happy money. (Happy money = money I get even when I did nothing to deserve it. hahaha!) And I want to spend it on frivolous things! Shoes.. clothes.. accessories that I'd rarely wear.. make up.. hahaha!
But I'm going to feel guilty about it if I do.. bah! I hate that I'm so indecisive.


Oh, I took a picture of the drain near my house. The one on the left was taken two days ago.. while it was still raining. Seriously, the drainage isn't bad.. but the rain was.
Well I'm bored. Going to do some research on nothing now.

I am in limbo.

I've been relatively quiet these past few days, haven't I?

To be honest I can't seem to find humour in anything so I can't bring myself to write at all.. when I'm feeling the lowest of low. My exhaustion, and frustration.. confusion.. it was never for anyone else's entertainment but simply me, running things through in hopes that it'd somehow inspire me to some meaning. Hoping for an epiphany.

My computer is definitely dying, bit by bit. Usually I'd only have a hard time turning it on but today, even after I got it turned on, the LAN led decided to remain lifeless. I know, I know.. surely it can be fixed but I'm starting to give up on the stupid thing altogether. I can't stand it when things are not working properly. Humans are the most adaptable creatures. We adapt to things even when they're the ones that should be adapting to us.. and now I've found myself completely spent from trying to adapt.
Nobody should settle for second-bests and it seems like I've been settling on a whole lot of things.

It's been raining a lot these days. I've always been a fan of rains but the lightnings, I'm never crazy about. And the lightnings these days are terrible! Freaked me out even more than usual. Muslims believe that lightnings are meant to struck the satans (I know how silly that sounds to you Agnostics.. kinda sounds silly to me too) and I hate the thought.. the idea that satans are hanging around my house.
Earlier today the lightning had probably struck the roof of my flat that it killed the electricity. Well, not killed permanently since it went back after I turned the fuse thingy on again -- obviously I wasn't paying too much attention in Kemahiran Hidup. (Life Skills..?) Oh, and no need for me to describe to you the bang that came with that lightning.

I've always had this image that people who got struck by lightning had some satans hanging around closely to them -- which had meant that they were bad persons. I can't help but try to figure out if I'd done anything SO bad that I would deserve to be smite by God Himself. I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything that bad.. yet. Surely there are other people who deserves it more than I do...

Perhaps He's tired of me whining all the time about my hopelessness that He's helping me leave this world with a bang so I won't be easily forgotten. ha!
Trust me to come up with a ludicrous theory.

Meredith's shrink on Grey's Anatomy said that to find happiness in the midst of the awful things around you is NOT the point.. To feel awful about those awful things but knowing that you won't die from it IS the point.
Maybe.

So I don't know when I'll write again. Maybe later.. maybe tomorrow.. maybe next week.. I don't know. I've been writing my thoughts in my Moleskine, doodling mostly.. and that had seem to be enough as for me "running things through".
I know that everything has its solution. I'm perfectly capable of figuring that out, but I can't seem to find the BEST solution where it would not end up with me settling again.

And most of all.. I need to believe.. believe with all my heart that I am, for a fact, not dying from my feelings because I.. am.. so.. tired.

Trouble sleeping.

Well, to be honest it's not really a trouble.
It's not exactly a "trouble" when I fell asleep around 6 and woke up just before 10. Naturally, I'd still be up at 4am when that happens.

It's been a quiet weekend. I was bored for the most part of it -- the part where I'm awake, that is.

Boyfie said we'll talk tomorrow (Sunday), but we didn't. Lie lie LIEE!!!! ha ha ha. Sorry, I'm not actually laughing, but I'm naturally being melodramatic over a stupid phonecall. (I never recalled them ever being stupid, really.)
I'm being stupid. What ever. I just hate the way I feel sometimes. I hate it when I try not to make a big deal out of things -- by shutting up -- but that in itself is a big deal.. somehow.

Perhaps I've made myself pretty clear here that I'm not exactly a mild-tempered person. I'm angry most of the time. If I'm not angry, I'd usually be upset instead, which is equally draining. ughh.. I have NO IDEA what is wrong with me!! An hour ago I was angry and now I'm just sad and crying. Pathetic!
Crap crap crap.
Maybe I should be medicated.
Can I really blame everything on my parents? Crap.

Mike Schmid - The House We Built

I honestly cannot comprehend why ANYONE would want to get into my mind. I wish I could escape it.

TJ have this theory on girls; how they are all high-maintenance -- whether materialistically, emotionally or in time. I laughed when I first heard it. He has all kinds of theories on girls; kinda annoying. (Though amusing.) So.. a girl who is high maintenance in the material area is in need of a lot of things.. the guy would need to buy her a bunch of things, spend his money.
The girl who is emotionally high maintenance would basically need constant reassurance of the guy's feelings for her. A girl who is high maintenance in time is the one who needs the guy to spend all the time he has to be with her.

I might not get the definitions exactly like the way he said it.. not in the mood to look through the logs right now, but mm.. yah! I think that was basically it. It was funny the first time I heard it. Now.. not so much.

Sometimes I wonder why I even blog.

Ponder.. ponder..

Why do people seem to think that I have a lot to say?
I don't.
I am a listener, people. I LISTEN! Yet people still expect me to say things. pssh! There hasn't been a day where I didn't wish that I'd be smarter.. wiser; so I'd have things that are worthy to be said.

Sometimes I caught myself looking forward to growing old. I wonder if I'd be any wiser. (God, I hope I would!!) Perhaps that's why I've been attracting old men. They are my "inside guy" to the life I'd like to delve into. Perhaps I've been in my father's head for too long.. perhaps it simply isn't enough. So I needed people like Ian and Greg to restore my faith in love and MEN altogether! hahahha! (I am talking about their thoughts and mind here.)

I'm not a curious sort of person. I don't question everything. I only want to know the things that I want to know, and I am perfectly capable of ignoring everything else. Just so happens that "relationships" is one of the subjects that intrigues me. So it's nice.. when people bring things up without me having to ask them. As I said, I'm a listener.

I don't understand why my sisters are disgusted by the thought of me talking to older men. I never thought of them THAT way! ewww! Most of the men I talked to were about my father's age! EWWW!!! I am physically, mentally and emotionally incapable of thinking of them "that" way and if their (the men's) intentions of starting a conversation with me was more than to just share experiences solely on an intellectual level.. ewww!! It's not my fault! Well, I'm too ignorant to notice things like that, anyway. And I don't think I'd be happier if I start doubting everyone's intentions.

Yesterday Boyfie told me that I've got to open up more.. Amazingly, I have been trying. blah.
So anyway.. I sort of promised a friend that I'd write him a letter but I can't think of things to write to him. hmmph.. if only my life was more eventful. haha!
Really. I don't have all that much to say.

Dar sent me (and a few others) this song last night. Amusing lyrics;

Soko - I'll Kill Her

ha!

If only.. I wish to stop writing psychotically in my blog, really.

So anyway, Dida was mean to me last night. She told me to look at her friend's profile on Facebook -- her photos in Europe specifically. yeech! Of course I'd think of OUR trip when we started looking at the photos. Funny thing though, while we were looking at them, we couldn't stop commenting.. criticizing the shots, really. hahha!

Then of course Dida mentioned about OUR photos.. and how she wanted to upload some to HER profile.. so I took out our albums so she could look at them.. but I ended up admiring my own work instead! hahhaha!


These are my scanned prints (first two from left were taken in Frankfurt, the third in Rome). I rarely ever edit my prints for two reasons; 1. I like them just the way they are, 2. I'm a snob. hahaha!

But really.. it ANNOYS me that I don't have a beautiful pic of myself. It's NOT FAIR!! It's not fair that I'm the only one who could work with an SLR. I can't point-and-snap myself with an SLR! Didaa aihaichuuu! No faaaaaaiiirrrr!!

Anyway, that's why I couldn't picture myself being a professional photographer. I mean, over here you can only make money by being a wedding photographer and I am NOT a fan of weddings. Even if I'm doing it as a favour (for family), it's depressing because later it'd seem like I wasn't even there. Sad.

hahhahahaBahijah!

Free handbags!

Handbag Planet is giving away 24 handbags in the course of 24 hours to celebrate the launch of their website on October 15th. All you've got to do is sign up and choose the handbag you'd like to win! Easy-peasy.

Ick.

I was surfing through mphonline.com -- NOT GOOD! I'm not supposed to be looking at books!!! 30% off The Secret. aaack!! I'm not supposed to know that!! I'm also not supposed to know that there's a 30% off on Cecelia Ahern's Thanks For The Memories. ughh!! Damn MPH Newsletter.

gah! So then I looked through H&M, DP, F21 and Women's Secret for other inspirations. hahaha! But then Dida reminded me that there isn't any sale on right now. ughh! I don't want to be buying things only to find out in two months that I'd spent an extra RM30 for it! booo! Shopping blows! I am not the typical girl! I still wear last season's clothes like I got it last week! bahahhaa!
Seriously, books + food > clothes pshh!

mm.. so I've been thinking, you know.. other than the possibility of becoming senile as I grow old, I'd probably lose my hearing as well. See, when I try to drown out my thoughts.. I'd usually blast the songs I'm listening to as loud as I possibly can. (So long as the volume does not cause my ears to ring -- which would ultimately ruin my listening experience, really.) But can you imagine how AWFUL that would be??
Say if I DO lose my hearing.. then there will be NO WAY for me to drown out those thoughts -- AT ALL!!! acckk!! I'm screwed either way. blah.

blah. blah. blah.
Everything about today is just blah.
I've been spamming my blog again. ick. I need a life. Maybe I could buy that with my duit raya. Can I?
Can somebody please knock me over on the head so the day will be over without me having to toss and turn in my bed? Please?

Funny how irked I can get when my dad didn't get me what I wanted. I am SO not good at not getting what I want. What a rotten rotten child.. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised right? I'm a pretty good reader; I read people well enough to know the kind of person that they are -- what I feel is important is most probably not important to them.
Yet when they seem to take things easy, I get disappointed still. How stupid is that? How idiotic can I be to expect things to be different when I'd KNOWN that they are capable of letting me down?

By the way.. this is just about one extra coleslaw. HAHAHHAHA! Can you imagine how STUPID I feel right now?? I am a rational enough of a person to admit that it's really not a big deal -- which is why I'm making it a big deal. IT'S JUST ONE FREAKIN' COLESLAW, DAMMIT! And I couldn't even get THAT!! ughh.. I feel so unimportant right now. That damn coleslaw represents EVERYTHING that I wish to have but didn't get.

Like.. hey, I'm asking you for a little favour but you decide that it's so little.. I wouldn't mind if you said no. Well, I MIND!!
I FREAKIN' MIND!!
Just because I was trying to be polite by saying that I didn't, I DO MIND!!! Do I need to spell everything out?!!!

shit. Now it's no longer about a coleslaw.
I shouldn't bother. Really. I'm not going to bother at all. Why bother wanting anything at all when I'll only end up being the one disappointed. Why bother? Why bother.. why bother.. why bother..
Shutting up now.

Let's talk music..

My 10 favourite songs Lyrically
(in no particular order)

• Inside Of Love by Nada Surf
  I know the last page so well, I can't read the first
  So I just don't start, it's getting worse
  
  

  Nada Surf - Inside Of Love

  This is a really nice depressing song about wanting to be in love; coming so close to it but not quite. And I absolutely love the lyrics at the end of the song -- so rational, but sad.

• All About You by McFly
  Dancing on kitchen tiles
  
  

  McFly - All About You

  It's such a cute little song! How can you not love it? And I know it's probably lame, but I like the idea of dancing on the kitchen tiles.. it's an image of perfect bliss.. somehow. (For one, if you have a kitchen big enough that you could dance around; you must be doing well financially. haha! And if I have someone who would want to be silly with me in a KITCHEN, I'd say that person is perfect.)

• Calling You by Blue October
  And if I said it a hundred times before
  expect a thousand more
  
  

  Blue October - Calling You

  I never knew Blue October had songs such as this! I LOVE it! Okay, I have a thing for love songs that doesn't sound like a love song; ones that hide behind a quick beat, loud guitars -- it makes the lyrics more appealing (to me!) Honestly, the entire lyrics of this song just speaks to me.

• That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morisette
  That I would be loved
  even if I'm not myself
  
  

  Alanis Morisette - That I Would Be Good

  It's insecurity made into a song.

• You And I Both by Jason Mraz
  And it's okay if you had to go away
  oh just remember the telephones well they're working it both ways
  
  

  Jason Mraz - You And I Both

  Okay, this song actually reminds me of somebody but anyway.. I love it for the fact that it's about the love that isn't exactly there anymore -- but it's OKAY. Live life to the fullest kind of song. You don't have to mope around.

• Wake Up by Coheed & Cambria
  I'll do anything for you
  Kill anyone for you
  
  

  Coheed & Cambria - Wake Up (Acoustic)

  I might actually be wrong about loving this song for the lyrics because I actually REALLY love how this song sounds like in the acoustic version.. but dude, it isn't love until he/she is willing to kill someone for you! hahha! This song is just cool for having that line for a lyric.

• Work by Jars Of Clay
  it's the breathing that's taking all this work
  
  

  Jars Of Clay - Work

  This song is awesome.. really. It's best listened to while you're running. haha. I don't think I can explain why I love this song. The lyrics are pretty straight forward. Also, the beats to this song are brilliant!

• Rest In Pieces by Saliva
  Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
  'Coz this hurts deeper than I thought it did
  
  

  Saliva - Rest In Pieces

  Sad sad song.. Heartbreak leads to moping sort of song. Pleading for the hurt to go away sort of song. Very sad. I caught the lyrics to this song on the very first time I heard it on the radio on my way back from class. Suppose I could say that I was in a moping-mood then.

• If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield
  If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
  
  

  Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One

  Stubborn.. stubborn heart. It wants what it wants, yeah? Similar back-story as to the previous song; I caught most of the lyrics the first time I heard it and can't quite shake it off my head.

• Save Yourself by James Morrison
  If I'm crying now, don't listen to it
  it's only my heart
  
  

  James Morrison - Save Yourself

  Possibly the song MOST similar to what I would exactly say. Actually, I have said something similar to it. Right, hun? I do believe that EVERYBODY is better off without me. Boggles my mind everytime they stayed. Nuts.

I'm pretty sure that there are better songs out there. The fact is, this is MY list.. and when I thought about it while I was in the car on my way to Perak last week, these were the songs that popped in my head.

lalalaa..

Crappy feeling still lingers around at a corner somewhere but as I'm in a better mood than I was in last night.. I should grab this chance by distracting myself with some lame, trivial entry. hahaha!

So.. since Raya is pretty much over, (I've never been a fan of open-houses) I've been making a mental list of things I'd like to get with my duit Raya.
HAHAHHAHAHA!! (trivial enough for you?) hahhaahha!

Dida thought I was going nutty the other night as I ran things through with her. First I yapped about how I like the IDEA of getting something new to wear.. but I know myself too well that I'll end up with a book! hahaha! I fail at being the "typical girl". But I should bring myself to get a new pair of shoes. Mary-janes? Ballet? Heels? Flats? Black? Coloured?

Then we saw a really cute British-inspired dress at the Mango display. (I LOVE Brit inspired pieces.. also army/marching band-like jackets! I honestly hover around those things.) But really.. I don't need anymore dresses nor jackets -- I don't wear enough of the ones I already have. bah.

It's like this.. I can either spend a lot, or not spend at all; but that's upsetting since to me, you are meant to have money so you can spend it! But blowing them out on BOOKS are so geeky! hahahha!
Maybe I'll just get myself some socks and undies. HAHAHAHA! I was actually thinking of asking for people to send me socks for my birthday but that's a way too silly of a request! (Although really.. I would LOVE to get socks! Not from you though, hun. Socks are too easy for you. heehee)

ughh.. So anyway.. I just can't decide. Maybe I'll just end up spending them at San Fran like I usually would; books and good food. blah. It's boring how predicatable I am -- to myself. HAHAHAHHA!
God, I've been laughing and smiling too much just because of this entry.

mm anyway, I haven't decided on anything. Wish I was born rich.. I bet rich people doesn't have to decide on anything because they get to have EVERYTHING. (Of course, that is only my assumption.. I'd like to test that out myself please, thank you!)

Oh by the way.. did you notice the ad on your right?? hahahha!

I think I'm dying.

Little pieces of my heart that breaks apart,
the parts of my brain that dulls away.
When I say that I am dying, I did not mean that I am dying,
It is the essence of me that is waning.
I am running out of things to say, words cannot convey the feeling that I'm feeling.

Wish I could tell you everything, things that runs through my mind. But for that to be possible you'll need to look into my eyes and listen to the beats of my heart. So I'm sorry that I said it was nothing when you asked. I honestly cannot form any words to tell you what you'd otherwise just know.

But I'm me and you're you. You're there while I'm here.
So here I sit as still as I can just gasping desperately for air while I tell myself not to cry.

Help.
Who can help me now?
Stupid stupid stupid.
Shit shit shit.

uh.. so..
I may not be clinically depressed, but is there an appropriate word to call myself when I feel as crappy as I do right now?
I am honestly just.. exhausted.

Oh, this song does NOT mean anything to me.. but it sounded as sad as I'm feeling. Somehow. What ever. Shutting up now.

McFly - POV

Distract me please before I hyperventilate.

I like writing about myself.
Because the fact is.. I rarely ever really talk about myself. The fact is, I am just as vain as everybody else, only difference is that I'm giving people the choice to whether give a shit with what ever that is I have to say -- you can always move on from this blog, which is something that I've stressed upon so many times before.

Did you know that when you were born, your skull was made up of 404 separate bony elements? As you grow, the bones connects to each other but certain parts may take up to 18 months to close up.

Trivia time!
I fell off a bed even before I was one year old. I was at my grandparents' house, and the bed was one of those old types.. the ones that sits over a metre off the ground. It was nobody's fault; I was barricaded with pillows but I managed to fall anyway. (I say it was the first sign of my stubborness -- don't tell me what I can't do, sort of thing.)
Then when I was a few years old, I tumbled down a flight of steps as I tried to fix my shoe, which Nina had fondly recollected as "cute" because she saw "diapers - head - diapers - head". (That DOES sound cute but I doubt that it was what I was aiming for at the time.)

Now why am I telling you all this?
Well, I'm beginning to point at moments such as those to be the cause to why I am the way I am; too many bumped heads had made Wanie to turn out into such a dummy.

Anyway, I am trying to find solace in the fact that I am plain psychotic rather than emotional. You're supposed to be able to control your emotions but not how your brain works. I refuse to be governed by my feelings. They're stupid. And weak. I don't want to be weak.
Help.
Help help help.

ughh. Shut up Wanie.

Katie Herzig - I Hurt Too

Wanie rhymes with Dummy

(In the cinema)
I whipped out my lip gloss and started to apply them

[Dida] sempat.. kau nak ngorat sape?
[me] Shia LaBeouf
[Dida] bongok!

hahhahaha!
Anyway, we saw Eagle Eye earlier and really enjoyed it! I can't figure out why some people hated it. bah.
Dida and I talked about it all the way home from Midvalley. Like really.. Aaaaall the way home.

Well, I must say it's a nice little change after the conversation we had the night before. I like having serious talks but when the topic revolves mainly around relationships, I can't help but get uncomfortable. It's the one topic where reading about it does not matter. It does not matter how many philosophical or psychological articles you've read because some things are probably meant to not be understood.

The one topic where what ever that comes out from my mouth sounds like a complete hogwash -- to me at least. Boggles my mind why anyone would listen to me anyway. I SUCK at relationships.
mmph. I better stop now before I start saying things that you don't want to hear/read.

Oh, Dida and I talked about people's first impression on us. Perhaps it's a Malaysian-school orientation thing; apparently she once had people write up their first impression on her in school and so did I. I still have the paper even. (Oh yes, I do. The paper is 6 years old now!)

We were in a group of twelve, so I have one person who thought that I was enthusiastic, another said I liked to smile, two said I was inquisitive, five said I was friendly and two said I was talkative.
ha!

I wish I am talkative when I should be talking.
But here's the truth.. the closer a thing is to my heart.. the more my lips are closed shut. It's like a list of sequence;
1. stay quiet
2. idiotically stare into nothing
3. wait out until my heart becomes numb

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I wish I could pop my eyes out and mail them out. On a piece of scrap paper, I'd write; Read that please. Once you're done, I'd appreciate it if you'd send those back to me, thank you.

Somebody stop me from yapping. A shot of novocaine to my heart maybe. ha! Aren't I smart to use that word on a dumb blog entry.
Shut up Wanie..
ughh. Sometimes I feel like the only way I know how to live is by being miserable.

James Morrison - Love Is Hard

Isn't it good to be in Malaysia?

My mom asked me if I wanted to come along to Low Yatt Plaza with her and my father. She wanted to look for an external hard disc and Dida asked her to buy a thumbdrive for her. And since I broke my 2nd Sony Ericsson earphone, I thought this is the right time to look for a new one. Those flimsy thing never lasted a year with me. blah.

And so.. here is the part where it is GOOOOOD to be in Malaysia. We are after all pretty known for our cheap fakes. hahaha!
Sure.. sure.. to get something of quality is ideal, but I don't mind all that much. My main focus while I was looking for an earphone is so I could drown out boring radio channels or mundane chatters while I'm on a public transport.

Since I have a thing for headphones that rests at the back of your neck, I got the HPM-83.
It cost me RM 75. (uhh.. okay, it cost my MOM that much. hahahha!) (yes, yes.. I am rottenly spoilt.)
I went to a store that sells the original product and the price was RM 299.
bahhahaha!! I knew the real thing would cost that much. pshh. I'm a cheap date kind of person anyway. Nobody should spend that much for me. Even I don't spend that much for myself. (err.. okay, how much was that James Morrison's ticket last year?)

Anyway, we'll see how long this headphone will last.
Oh, I finally shook my mom's hands today. She laughed. haha. My speech didn't sound like a speech at all; I was caught off guard. She'd wanted to give me duit raya even without me asking for forgiveness from her, and I felt bad for that.

My sisters reckons that I'm Mama's favourite daughter. I refuse to believe that -- I always thought Dida is her favourite. I'm nobody's favourite. I don't deserve to be anybody's favourite. I make too much trouble to be anybody's favourite.
I mean, sure my parents are pretty quirky in their own way but I doubt that they favour the daughter that are best friends with "trouble".
Point is; I don't deserve being anyone's favourite. It makes me feel bad. STOP MAKING ME FEEL BAD!

I'm finally listening to McFly's new album RadioACTIVE. LOVING the sound of this one;

McFly - Corrupted

Songs for You, Truths for Me

♥

Seriously. How can you NOT love James Morrison??
For one, he's my age.. British.. Leo.. plays the guitar.. writes brilliant songs.. and he has an incredibly sexy husky voice. *melts*
Seriously. He is SO on my freebie list. Even after a year, he's still on that list. hahahha!
sorry hun.. feel free to make your own list. heehee. Have that Chuck-chick on it maybe..

I can admit that two of the songs on his latest album were an easy favourite for me. They were just brilliant. Really brilliant. I'd get completely spaced out when I listen to them -- okay, that isn't necessarily a good thing.. but those two songs were just.. brilliant.

Anyway, here's one of them.. I think it featured his voice at the best;
(but do note that I'm first and foremostly a "lyrics" person. hehe. The other song meant more to me but I'm saving it for later..)

James Morrison - If You Don't Wanna Love Me

Raya.. Raya..

3rd day of Eid.
Nina won't give me duit raya unless I go to her place in Seremban.. so yesterday I went with Papa.
We took the commuter train because Dida would join us after she made her round visiting her friends.. and well.. Malaysian public transports....

You know, it isn't really a transportation. Because to BE a mean of transportation, it should get you from point A to point B, so if you're stuck in one place for a long period of time, you're not exactly transporting to anywhere are you?

Anyway, at least I got a chance to pick my father's brain; Geminis.. great conversationalist.
I don't remember what exactly that we talked about but there's this one while we were waiting for the train at Central, that I remember very clearly so I could blog about;

[me] Pa, you never minded about the men your children will marry, do you? Racial wise..
[him] ..I prefer you'd marry a Malay.
[me] oh. *face goes blank*
[him] but you don't always get what you prefer.
[me] *laughs and pats his back* It's good that you keep that kind of attitude.

HAHAHAHAHA!! That bit just cracks me up everytime I think about it.

4th day of Eid.
Had another family day.
Nina, Jasmin and the kiddies came down to KL so we could all eat the very well known fish head curry at the National Stadium. One problem. They've moved!!!
Seriously.. whose mind was so twisted to move the famous "stadium fish head curry" in the first place?! It's a freakin' institution!!

It was noon -- we were all hungry.. so we drove around trying to decide where should we go for lunch. We were heading into center KL (Plan B: Beriyani at Restoran Insaf or Nasi Kandar at Restoran Yassin) while Dida gave me her phone so I could search the internet for info on the fish head curry -- and voila! The magic of digital age.

I found a review for Restoran Ahamed at Jalan Lumut (off Jalan Ipoh) which is formerly known as THE stadium fish head curry restaurant. *cheers!* Good thing that we found it too.. turns out Restoran Insaf was closed! hahaha!

I was invited to an open house tomorrow but I'm not sure if I could get myself out the door anytime before 5. hahha! It seems like no matter how early I went to bed these day I'm still not getting enough sleep. (I blame Dida.. her phone does not fail to ring every morning. It was messages yesterday, and her alarm this morning.)

It's been an okay Eid so far. Mama said she won't give me duit raya until I ask for forgiveness from her. hahahaha! I'm going to.. I'm going to.. I just need the right speech. I have one for Papa but I haven't got a chance to say it yet.

Oh, remember the other day when I mentioned about putting ads on my blog and how I will never have them? Well, an opportunity came knocking my door yesterday and I think I'm going to let it wait 'til Monday before I decide if I should let it in.
hmm.. I just can't decide.

It's a family affair.

Maybe I should ALWAYS expect the worst of the Eid -- so then I'd come home at night thinking, "that wasn't so bad after all.." haha!

The family (me, Dida, and the Parents) travelled to Perak on the first Raya to visit Mama's side of the family. We just went to two houses really. hahaha! (My mom's cousin in Tapah Road and her sister in Sitiawan) Unfortunately I am not too familiar with that side of the family so it felt pretty weird to take a bunch of pictures with them.. so I didn't -- at all. huhuuu.
The trip itself was pretty uneventful.. except for the fact that I finally managed to get a listen to James Morrison's new album -- but I'm not going to talk about that now. (Maybe in the next entry! haha!)

We went back to Bukit Kapar (that's in Klang) on the second Raya. The entire family -- of my father's side(the ones who were available at least) got together for a family photo which I've uploaded to Facebook. hehe.

Remember last year when we did light trails with sparklers..?

yah.. well.. we did it again this year. hahahhaha!
I know that this is hardly a proper entry for one of the largest events in Malaysia (Eid ul-Fitr, I mean) but I swear I have nothing much to write about!
Probably because I'm too tired to think now after two days of travelling around. bah!

'Til later. ♥

"Jeleben"

For future reference yah, jeleben was Dida's train of thought as she was trying to remember "urban legend".

:P

Dida, stop poking me.

Do I try too hard to make us smile?

blah.
Is the Raya greeting lame or what?! bahahhaha! pemalas betul.. dahlaa buat random search untuk gamba pelita (read: curik!), lepas tu tak spend setengah jam pun untuk so-called "edit".. Lamez0r!!
Anyway, this is the perfect time for you to say, "it's okay.. it's the thought that counts." hahahha!

So.. how about it? Want me to make another attempt at writing in Malay? HAHAHHA! (It's going to be pathetic.) I'll write Malish a bit then.
hmm.. skarang kat rumah ade laa ura ura macam nak Raya.. Papa tengah anyam ketupat, (he asked if I wanted to help earlier but I was doing that greeting thing) while Mama is.. eh. Sementara Mama tengah jahit baju Raya -- last minute, typically her. Tadi dia cakap, "dah dekat nak Raya pon maseh chatting!" walhal Wanie tengah taip menda alah ni. Chatting la beno. She's special like that; she's been making snide comments to me since I got back, which I don't appreciate at all. And rarely do I take things quietly, earlier this morning I said to her; "kalau takde ape elok nak cakap, takyah cakap laa" (if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say it at all) huhuu. Bertuah betul la dapat anak cam Wanie. sigh. Naseb baik esok Raya. Tapi tapi.. I hate asking for forgiveness when I don't really mean it. mmph! Dengan harapan malam ni terbuka lah hati.. epiphany of a sort.
-end Malish-

I'd most probably spend the most of tomorrow in the car sulking. We're travelling to Perak to visit my mom's side of the family and they're usually the ones who like to ask me what I've been up to -- mostly because we only see them once a year. gah! I'd like to skip the day and go straight to the night please! The part of night where I'm in bed with Boyfie at the end of the phone line. I like that part very much.

Oh God, it is SO boring to keep saying this but man, I miss my guitar!! There's always something that stops me from being able to play it; rusty strings.. broken peghead.. the guitar itself being at a friend of Dida's place.. (haha! I really need to get her to get it back.)
Anyway, I always want my guitar the most when I'm obsessed about any particular song -- as I am right now. When I say obsessed, it means that it's the last thing I thought about (or listen to) before I fall asleep and the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up.
Hunny, keep in mind that I'm very much capable of having multiple thoughts at once.. because one way or another, everything sort of relates to each other.

*
*
*

ughh. I just spent the last 40 minutes peeling a bag of onions, but I'm proud to say that I didn't shed a single tear! muahhahaha!! Pwned! Well, I'm happy that at least I contributed something this Raya!! weeeeeeeee!

oh.. this is absolutely pointless, but I managed to fast everyday this Ramadhan! woohooo! (Okay, that cheer was a sarcastic one.) I mean, good for me for not having to.. err.. ganti (replace? substitute?) the days that I miss if I were to skip some days due to my period; but since I didn't (get my period).. it'd meant that my hormones are whacked! ick!
Probably this is only the third time it has ever happened since I first got my period 11 years ago. 3 out of 132 cycles isn't bad I suppose.. Although now I'm wondering if it's possible to figure out what's making my hormones running stupid.

Okay. My back is tired from sitting for too long. (My chair doesn't have a back rest.) So.. 'til later!
Have a good day everyone.
Semoga amal ibadah yang kita jalankan sepanjang bulan ni diterima Allah.. heehee. (I feel funny when I try to be righteous.)

"Randominity"

Nina asked me a few days ago, "how do people actually make money from their blogs?"
-- Ads
I know how some people managed to get at least a little pocket money by having ads on their website/blogs -- and I've had enough people telling me that I should try that. I've tried Google ads once.. I can't remember why I removed it. I checked out Nuffnang just now and you know what? I've made up my mind..

I am NEVER going to have an ad on my blog!
WHYY do they have to be SO BIG?!! If I've been using a boring, basic template.. I probably wouldn't mind having one of those ads on my blog. But I spent too many hours on my design and tweaking the html (css?) to have it maimed by some advertisement.
I simply, absolutely REFUSE to let that happen!
That is like having a stranger telling you that your name needs an extra 'E'. pshh! (I'm obviously taking this blog waay too personally -- but of course! I'm allowed to.) Guess I'll just have to make my money some other way then. *cue really BIG laugh*

gah! I should think of something to write before I gush about the Boyfie now. It's so annoying when you're hit by the fact that YOU'RE that kind of girl -- the one who wouldn't mind spending her whole day just talking on and on about her boyfriend as if EVERYONE wanted to know EVERYTHING there is to know about him. hahahha! Anyway, even though I am that girl.. I shall try my best to spare you all from reading too much about him. Just because I'm obsessed about him, there isn't a reason why I should convert you to be just as obsessed, right?
I don't think he'd appreciate that anyway.
accck! Wanie - STOP!

The knuckle to my little finger of my right hand is slightly purple from punching my cpu too much last night. (The thing is old, and I'm pretty sure that something is seriously wrong with the motherboard.. or what ever thing there is in there, but anyway.. everytime the cpu beeps, I would punch it. Or kick. Depends on my mood really.)

I'm trying to download James Morrison's new album. Yes, download. I know I know.. I'll buy his album eventually. (Maybe after the Eid..? bahahhaha!!)
I miss my guitar. (Dejavu anyone?)

Took me two hours to write this entry. I swear it'd felt longer than that. Anyway, I just didn't feel like hitting the 'publish' button on a really short entry. I am not known for writing short entries.. or letters.. or even cards.

That reminds me.. one more day of fasting and it'll be Eid ul-Fitr! (the exclamation mark isn't exactly me being excited, by the way.) Funny, me and Bahijah were talking about our feelings on the Eid last night; how we're not excited about it as we used to when we were.. younger -- but we both agreed that we ARE excited to be able to eat during the day again!! HAHAHAHAHA!! ♥

James Morrison - Nothing Ever Hurt Like You

Night race.

Now, this is rare.. but I'm actually going to touch something on the current events! (zomg!!)

So.. I didn't like the Singapore GP -- and no, not because neither of the Ferrari cars managed to get a point.
For one, the night race didn't really seem like a night race. I definitely prefer my idea of a "night race". (Imagine the cars painted with glow in the dark paints and the streets are lined with glow in the dark/fluorescent strip.) Okay, I didn't say that it was going to be safe, but really.. can you honestly say that the current Marina Bay circuit is "safe"?

With the high kerb (chicane..?) at Turn 10 (I think..?) and bumpy roads -- which had caused some cars to emit sparks on their tails; which I had actually find amusing. hehe. (Reminds me of sparklers.)
I don't know.. I guess I was just expecting MORE.
And lets face it.. the Malaysian GP's trophy looked WAAAAAYYY cooler than the Singapore GP's trophy. hahahaha!

Okay, no more dissing the Singapore GP. Boyfie could probably think of some good thing about it though.. hmm.. I wonder if it's patriotism when you complain about the neighbouring country's event. hahahaha!

Anyway, Malaysia isn't going to have a night race as it had been proposed for next year. (Not to have another night race, but to accommodate those European fans apparently.) Instead, FIA agreed that the race time will be at 5pm instead of 3pm as it has been in the previous years.
yippeeee!! No more sunburn! hahahha! I'm excited about THAT! (it took me weeks to get rid of the tan line I got from watching the race in March!)

Okay, I'm going to stop writing now so I can eat. Plus, I don't think I'm using the proper grammar here. I've been sleepy -- but stubborn. Very very stubborn.
Have a good week, everyone! ♥

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Shahnon!

mm.. okay..

So me and my friends got together (finally) for break-fast. err.. but there were fourteen of us and I wasn't exactly in talking-terms to half of them. (Okay, honestly.. I can only admit that there were only 3 or 4 of my friends while the rest of them were acquaintances.. oh! Three were complete strangers! hahaha! But lets get over that now.)

uhh.. actually, I haven't got much to say about it. It's nice seeing those familiar faces.. but I'm not exactly the life-of-the-party type. hehe.
Darn it. Never mind me. I haven't been in a cheery mood all day so I simply cannot write about anything cheerful.
Go look for a cheery blog, shoo!

Panic at 2.

Nothing really horrible.
Boyfie said something that worried him and a thought crossed my mind -- which then caused my heart to skip a beat and somehow mess up its whole rhythm for a few minutes. Idiotic, really.
Idiocy and Wanie goes hand in hand, I shouldn't be so surprised anymore.

Anyway, even though I was just being an idiot.. my worries had managed to creep into my dream and completely ruin my night's sleep.
Imagine coming home to a place you're unfamiliar with, quite alone.. and the only person there besides you was a stranger whose sole purpose was to tell you that no one is there for you. Cue dramatic score -- yes, score. Believe it or not, some of my dreams actually has its own soundtrack and the sound was a very very dramatic (yet heartbreaking) composition of violins and cellos a few hours ago.

So when I woke Nina up at 4:30 this morning, walking in a straight line was quite impossible. I only came off the drowsiness around 5:15. And though I'm very much awake right now (and a little afraid of going back to sleep) I know that I should go back to bed. Plus, the sky outside is turning lighter blue by the minute.. it's now or never.
mm.. so.. off to sleep now.

ughh.

It's amazing how bothered I can be over some stupid game on Facebook.

What's more amazing is how useless my brain is.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that God has given me a bad brain.. Believe me, He's equipped me with a great one.. but rarely do I use it. I don't deserve it. I'M useless.

Again.. and again.. and again.. I keep doing, saying the stupidest things.
Some people are just oddly talented, apparently.

That's it for tonight. I know that you haven't got a single clue to why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, and thinking the way I'm thinking right now.. but that is best, for you.
End rant.

Nina the historian.

It's incredible what I've learned from her in the past few days.
I admit that I myself is an incredibly forgetful person.. but really! She remembers a WHOLE lot of things that I can't seem to remember.

Like how I would push my father's buttons. hahaha! I'm such a terrible child. (Evil spawn.) I honestly wouldn't know what to do if MY child turns out to be like me. I pray that my future spouse will be able to handle Wanie Jr.
Maybe I could avoid that from happening by planning my pregnancy; must - not - have - Sagi - child! (you should know that I always end up blaming my zodiac sign by now.)

Me and Nina were talking the other day.. how grateful we are that we weren't born.. ugly. (I'm afraid there isn't a better word to say it.) Because lets face it (no pun intended), your tolerance level towards stupid, yet pretty people are usually higher than for stupid AND ugly people.
So yah, we're THANKFUL that we're not ugly.. so even when we say the stupidest things, (such as this) people can't hate us so much. *bats eyelashes*

We were talking earlier about Dida.. ngumpat, hahaha!! about the kind of man that she is looking for. If she KNOWS what kind of man that she wants. Nina said that it had always been clear to her that she wants a man who loves her more than she loves him, and she found that man in my brother in law. Good for her. As for me, I want someone whom I can talk with. Nina said that'd sound easy enough.. but of course, she'd forgotten that little fact where I - DON'T - SHARE my real feelings and thoughts to just anyone.
So now I'm sort of looking forward to seeing Dida and ask her if she has that ONE thing she looks for in a guy.

I've been spamming my blog these past few days haven't I?
Seems like there's been a bunch of random thoughts in my mind..
Should head to bed now. Goodnight world.

Because I'm bored (and not in the freakin' mood!)

• Are you currently in a serious relationship?
  -- err.. I am in a relationship, it's a wee more serious than any of my previous ones.. but am I in a serious relationship? I'm genetically incapable of answering this question straight forward.
  
  
• What was your dream growing up?
  -- well, I think it was my father's dream; it has something to do with engineering. Guess I never knew what I wanted.. until a few years back. (To really answer the question, I didn't dream of anything growing up.)
  
  
• What talent do you wish you had?
  -- hmm.. photographic memory. And to be able to focus, please!
  
  
• If someone bought you a drink what would it be?
  -- Shirley Temple.. better yet, buy me grenadine so I can make my own whenever I feel like it. uh.. or you could buy me a large Caramel Ice Blend, thanks!
  
  
• Favorite vegetable?
  -- carrot.
  
  
• What was the last book you read?
  -- Rosie Dunne by Cecelia Ahern. (Just wanted to be reminded how annoying the story really was.)
  
  
• What zodiac sign are you?
  -- Sagittarius!
  
  
• Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
  -- pierced ears.
  
  
• Worst Habit?
  -- I tend to storm off from the room without saying a word when I'm infuriated. Not sure if that's a habit but I don't think storming off anywhere is nice.
  
  
• What is your favorite sport?
  -- football.
  
  
• Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
  -- Pessimistic for myself, optimistic towards others.
  
  
• Worst thing to ever happen to you?
  -- I don't think anything really bad ever happened to me. They were all avoidable. Maybe the worst thing ever happened was the fact that I was born to be as unreasonable as I am. hahaha!
  
  
• One weird fact about you.
  -- I love talking to strangers! I don't think it's weird but everyone else seem to think that it is. I like that I won't have to keep in touch with them. I like that we only share things that we WANT to share with each other. It's like an adventure that we have a control of. (oh, and though I like talking to them, I was never the one who started the conversation -- I'm shy. hahahha!)
  
  
• Do you have any pets?
  -- none.
  
  
• Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
  -- neither. Honestly, they annoy me. They seem to think that they're funny and entertaining but they never amused me.
  
  
• If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
  -- I'd rather not be wearing glasses but I'm genetically screwed.
  
  
• Would you be a crime partner or a conscience?
  -- crime partner. I'm never the party-pooper.
  
  
• What color eyes do you have?
  -- dark brown.
  
  
• Ever been arrested?
  -- nope.
  
  
• Bottle or can soda?
  -- bottle. I'm greedy.
  
  
• If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
  -- shop for clothes and books, (pack them into one huge bag) and go travelling. (Or travel to ONE place and stay there for as long as I can.)
  
  
• What's your favorite place to hang out at?
  -- Coffee Bean, specifically in Pavillion.. but I also like San Francisco Restaurant in Midvalley because they know me there! hehe.
  
  
• Do you believe in ghosts?
  -- yes, unfortunately.
  
  
• Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
  -- write.. or in the absence of ideas to write about, daydream.
  
  
• Do you swear a lot?
  -- more than a "lady" should.
  
  
• Biggest pet peeve?
  -- inconsistent beats (I know, that's an odd thing to be peeved at), incredibly sluggish internet connection, getting my personal space violated and bLogZ dAt sPeLLs lYk diS.
  
  
• In one word, how would you describe yourself?
  -- quirky..? (yes, with the question mark.)
  
  
• Do you believe/appreciate romance?
  -- mm.. yes.
  
  
• Favourite and least favourite food?
  -- favourite: steak, bread, pastas, potatoes.. (CARBS!!) least favourite: papaya. (really, I wouldn't touch it if I can help it.)
  
  
• Do you believe in God?
  -- yes.

Mystical or magical.

"Cino uddhu' wong"
heehee. I just can't get that out of my head. I definitely think that Javanese feels or thinks that they are simply superior than the others. Which we probably are. HAHAHAHAHA!!

Have you seen Puteri Gunung Ledang?
She's Javanese by the way. I saw that movie with my dad and after the show he told me a few things about ilmu sapu angin (how the princess and her brother travelled around) which I thought was amusing. I wonder if anyone can do that today.

I found out earlier this year that we are of royal blood from my grandmother's side. I gaped when I found out -- I always found things out late in life. blah. So anyway, apparently she had some royal blood in her but my grandfather was truly a commoner. I don't know if there really is a point in me telling all this but.. royalty = Puteri Gunung Ledang..? HAHAHAHHA!!

So Nina and I were discussing it last night. Our "mystic" powers -- or if we had any. I think Nina has it. She used to get really telling dreams which are so straight forward. I get a few but.. they needed to be deciphered. hehe.
Plus, if you're a guy.. you wouldn't want to mess with Nina. Bad things may happen to you. (err.. even my brother in law isn't excluded from this one since bad things did happen to him.)

I can't help but be in awe by her stories. I wish I was that cool. hahaha!
Unless you can count being lucky as mystical. haha! Still kinda boring in comparison. Just because I win more things than my sisters.. it doesn't mean anything really. Especially since I feel like I'm running out of luck -- which blows, big time!
But anyway.. apparently my parents used to ask ME to pick things or numbers when I was little because THEY think I'm lucky too. (I don't remember this..) Nina reminded me that we'd won something with my choice.. (and never won anything with Nina or Dida's choice.)

Anyway, luck = boring!
Especially since I've been using that word to express my gratitude. It's getting a bit typical.. I know it's silly but I wish I was more than just ME. gahh! I'm bored, and an absolutely boring person. yuck.

Okay, I need to stop thinking about me me me me ME and join Nina in the kitchen.. ♥

Horoscopes.

So I was reading mine on New Straits Times as I wait for Nina to get back;

There is a great likelihood that you and your partner could be having more than one misunderstanding at present. Remember that Mercury is moving backwards and this should enable both of you to have a good laugh.

hahahhahahahahaha!!!
I'm laughing now, whaddyaknow..

5 days 'til Eid.

mm.. I can't remember when was the last time I was actually excited about the Eid. Probably while I was in school since it meant school break! hehe. I suppose that's one positive thing about school.. it makes you appreciate your time off and home more. (You weren't expecting that I'd say "learning" to be the positive thing about school, were you?)

So these past few years I've been pretty nervous about celebrating Eid. I don't like the family get together so much. I hate the fact that I don't have anything new to update them with.
"So what have you been up to, Wanie?"
NOTHING!!!
"Have you found any work yet?"
NO!!
"Such a shame that you quit school.. why did you quit anyway?"
MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, THANKS!

aah.. it'd be GREAT if I could actually respond to them with those but I'm pretty sure that my parents wouldn't be too happy with it if I do.

Anyway, I didn't send any cards out this year. I should. I should have an annual reminder to send one out to Arep 'cause he never failed to send me one. He makes me feel bad every single time. hahaha!
And I didn't get to see Rai again before he leaves for Germany. blah. What kind of a "good" friend am I?

oops! Break-fast time!! whoopeedeedooda!

Jumble of things.

(that happens when I want to write even though I have nothing in particular to write about.)

Nina can't think of what she wants to make for break-fast so she deduced that we'll buy something for dinner.
HAHHAHAHAHA!! ♥

The family drama has gotten a little more serious apparently. Our correspondent (ha!) in Shah Alam reported this morning (YES, MORNING! 5:30am hokeyy) that a heated exchange of words occured during sahur, thus providing Nina and I our dose of early entertainment. ♥

Nina made a funny comment about her families earlier. She said that her in-laws were like taken out from a Malay TV1 drama while ours -- La Usurpadora; which I find VERY fitting. jos mio!

Have I mentioned that I was short when I was in standard school? Really. Short. I stood second in line during assembly or before we get into class because I was THAT short. Real short that when there was a get together between me and my old standard school friends (when we were already in high school) some of them went, "THAT'S IDA?!! She's tall!" hahaha! O yeah, all my school friends called me by my first name. Most of them still do, but sometimes I don't respond. I forget that that's my name sometimes! hahaha!

This was taken when I was in Standard 5. (ten.. almost eleven years old.) I'm such a rebel; look for the obvious flaw in the picture and you'll find me.


Oh, I'm hungry.

It is your parents' fault.

Don't look at me funny.
It's true.

How you turn out today is based on your parents really. Whether they're THERE or NOT. The fact is that they're (supposedly) there as you grow up, as you learn your way around life.

They're the ones that should tell you how it is okay that you failed your first year Maths exam.. that you can try again, and do it better.. They're the ones who tell you not to start looking for a boyfriend until you're done with school. The ones who tell you that you should ask for MORE because you worth more than to just settle.

Nina was telling me something about someone she knew.. her stories.. about the things that the person did. It was mind boggling! Truly. The ONLY explanation I can find is that the parents didn't do a very good job raising them. Okay, that's mean.. but really!
One wouldn't act so stupidly if he or she was brought up smartly.
You know.. as much as my parents irks me sometimes.. I HAVE to be thankful that they are who they are. I could've had worse. hahaha!

Anyway, the conversation had actually reminded me of a book I saw in the bookstore last month. I couldn't help but laugh and reach out for it. I didn't buy it though.. that's a luxury I can't afford. haha!

I'm going to get my shower now.
I'd planned on having something really smart and witty to say on the subject but I've gone stupid and moodless. So.. 'til later!

Love..?

How do you explain love? Is it even possible to explain? Can I try?
heehee.
FYI, my brain is very much intact when I thought of attempting to write this.. (oy, don't let me regret this.) It's just that "love" has been a pretty constant subject between me and my friends (online ones though they may be) and now I feel like I must document it somehow.

If you ask me last year, my description of the word would probably sound similar to "obsession", but having to finally experience it myself (I believe I have, yes) I can confidently say that I KNOW what love isn't; hence leading me to understand love itself.

See.. when somebody says that they have never been in love, I understand them perfectly. I empathize. Except when TJ (ehem) started talking about love being a reaction of a bunch chemicals in our body! gah! That blows.
Even when I didn't know what love was, I never simplify it to be JUST about chemicals and our hormones.

So when TJ wondered aloud to me and Eeva, we can't help but try to paint him a picture of love. I honestly haven't thought about it myself; how do you really tell someone what love is?
Anyway, I believe (yes, believe -- who REALLY knows about love anyway?) that love is when you see a future with the other person. ("something changes inside of you" does not help in an intellectual discussion.) When your mind annoyingly refuses to stop thinking how contented you would be lying in bed with your other half, doing nothing. To just be. Or maybe when you want that very person to carry your child (err.. this one is obviously not based on my experience! haha), or maybe when you picture yourself in your fiftees and still see yourself with that person.

haha! It's great to be young, really.. I can say stuff like that and get away with it. Though now I'm suddenly feeling like I've jinxed myself for writing about this. Have I? Have I? God, I hope not!!
Why the heck did I start this entry anyway?! Crap. I'm freaking out.
The end.