Lets see..

I've been contemplating about getting Eeva a card since she told everyone that she's sending out V-Day cards.
Then, before I could actually decide, her card arrived! eeep! Sofia even drew for me! ♥ heehee. So, I decided to write a thank you note with one of my cutesy startioneries.. but to start, I will have to retrieve my boxful of cutesy-things that I acquired while I was still in high-school (and very much into cutesy things.)
It's been ages since I got the box down from the top of the bookshelf and to no surprise, it was covered in 8-inches of dust.


Naturally, when I took out my old things, I'd spend a good few hours perusing over it..
So there are my small collection of stationeries that I can't bring myself to use.. and dude! Filtering papers (err.. kertas turas!) that I stole from the science labs! (Also, I can't bring myself to use.) I wish we could get those easily but we can't! I used to use those to write messages back in school. bahahhaha! ♥

Also in that box was my old Cardcaptor Sakura organiser that I used when I was 16-17. Macam la organized pon! (I was so childish, I should be embarrassed. And I would be if I have matured, but I don't think I have! haha!)


I also kept a few old cards in that box apparently.
Azraai.. AZRAAAAIII!!
LOOKIE!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!
You're not the only one with the momentos!
You gave me that 2 years too late, tau! You said it yourself in the card. You were funny at seventeen, Pet. Now just irritating. What happened to you? hahahha!

Anyway, after choosing the stationery that I wanted to use.. I had to look for a marker, (one of the paper I'm using is glossy) so I retrieved my box of design-stuff.
To those who didn't know.. I was a design major, hence the 5 shades of gray for shading my "drawings".
I suck at both drawing and shading though. I'm artsy-mediocre. heehee

So! That's basically how I'd spent my afternoon. Looking through old things and remembering old stuff.. and not at all starting on the note I wanted to send to Eeva and Sofia. (Or looking through my archives as I mentioned earlier.) HAHAHAHHA!
That should explain why I didn't make any plans in my organizer, honestly. Pointless. heehee.

How about that..

I was doing my usual blog-hopping run and saw that Hafiz did this Personality Disorder Test.
This is what I get;

Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

mmph. Apparently I'm a narcissist..? LIE! But really, what actually interests me about this was the fact that I'd done this same test before -- back in 2002! duuuude! How cool is it to have a proof of how I've changed? I have a lot more "moderate" now.. should be good, right? haha!

But excuse me, I'm not a narcissist! grr. Just because I'm a little selfish and I like praises, doesn't mean that I'm narcissistic! *sigh*
Think I'll look through my archives for old tests and re-do them again. Should be interesting. (To me anyway. EGAD!! Was I being narcissistic for saying that? ROFL!) Expect a couple of entries today, my friends..

On some other note, do we (Malaysians) really need to go to Singapore to watch Yasmin Ahmad's Muallaf? Our cencorship board is ridiculous lah. grr.

Stop calling me Aida.

My name is spelled Wanie; with an E. I didn't add it myself 'coz I thought it was cool. It's just spelled that way in my birth certificate. Maybe my mom thought it was cool.
Also, "Ida" is pronounced E-da, not I-da like I-pod.
Two little things that irks me so much; people misspelling my name and calling me by some other people's name.

I got a call from an employer just now. She wanted to see Aida tomorrow afternoon for a retail job. She had asked Aida to bring her picture and certificates, but Ida isn't even sure if she wants to go. So Ida made Aida to tell the lady that she'll call back tomorrow morning if she's going.

Perhaps I could start having multiple personalities.
Wanie is the stubborn, hot headed girl that wants what she wants, hopeful.. and wishful.
Ida is the prim and proper girl. Always try to show the world that she is strong and in control.
Aida is the one who is always confused, but tries to please other people and that includes Ida and Wanie.
mm.. yeah. That needs a bit more work, but it could turn out to be a good book I'm sure.

I don't know I don't know.. I'm not sure I want to be doing retail. Well, actually I don't mind it.. I was thinking of doing it again anyway, but I think I'll have to take two busses to get to that place. As much as I like travelling, I don't think I can stand getting on two busses for a job I'm not too crazy about. (See, for Kino, I had no trouble with the hour plus travel time.) The things I would do.. (like spend 1/5 of my pay on transportation alone.)

But yeah.. here I am.. with Aida leaning towards saying a "no" tomorrow morning. But Ida is wondering if she could afford being picky now that she's determined to achieve her resolutions while Wanie.. Wanie is Wanie. Too wishful and hopeful that she always get things wrong.

bah. You three suck!

update: Thank you for loving those three, hunny!

Filter button ftw!

I still think that the filter button is a brilliant idea, hun.
You know.. maybe like having the BCG-scar acting as a button that stops you from saying things that you shouldn't be saying. Press it and it'll filter out the unnecessary details that would've come out of your mouth. Stops me from being tactless with my "honesty". blah.
But you know me..
I won't start hiding things from you.. bleh

It's been an odd few couple of days.
I think I've learned something. But that something concerns the Boyfie so I won't share it here. After all, it's MY lesson to learn and not anyone else's.
But gah! It's weird feeling like this. If only I could run to him.

To have spent your life thinking about yourself.. and realizing that it's not so much about you alone anymore. I thought I heard the seconds stopped ticking. Everything I thought I knew was an entirely new thing.
mmph. Role-switch ftl!
But maybe that's why it works.. for me anyways.
And I can't bring myself to even want to change it in any way.

I'm so in love, it's ridiculous.

yeah. But I'm listening to this T_T

meh Alia..

I went to meet up with Alia at Pyramid earlier.
She got me a late birthday presie -- a ticket to Rihanna's concert!! duuuude!! That's got to be one of the most expensive things anyone's ever got me. Probably among the top tree. (The most expensive thing was something I bought myself actually! -- also a concert ticket. bahhahaha! FAIL!)

O yeah.. I'm looking forward to getting other people's sweat on my face now. hahahha! NOT!! But it should be fun. I should listen to some Rihanna's songs then; so I can fake my fan-mode better. (I doubt Alia would appreciate me acting like the idiot that I was at UOX. hahahha!)

Set myself on fire.

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there, please don't let me die

I suck.

Saye tak tahu..
My mind decided to not have a single thought with depth so here I am staring at the screen for the past 20 minutes.. trying to come up with something.
I totally napped earlier which is of course something I shouldn't have done. Now I can't bring myself to fall asleep.

I hate this bit about myself. I envy the people who finds the night calming. I want to be able to rest easily instead of having to be so pooped that I pass out.
This restlessness is tiring.
Can't I be simple?

I used to think that you need to have bad things happening to you for you to feel like crap. blah. I'm actually in a good place, but I feel like shit, wtf?
I feel like I'm trapped in a deep dark well (Ringu?) and I am just too freakin' tired to shout for help. bah! Just let me stay and rot here.
What's the point of saving me when I'll feel like this again next month? Go save yourself instead.

I fear that nothing will ever be enough for me. What am I supposed to do then? If everything works out but I will keep wanting more. If this restlessness won't go away. What am I supposed to do?
I've got "love" covered, but it'd only calmed a part of me. And that part is drowning in nights like this, gasping for air.

mmph. Swear to God I had no idea what brought this on. Might be idiocy. Maybe there had been a permanent damage when I fell off the bed years ago.
I hate feeling so hollow when I know that I'm loved. I know that I'm lucky and blessed. I know that there are a bunch of good things coming my way, but I still feel the way that I feel.
I'm grateful for life.. but damnit, why do I sound like I'm unappreciative of it?!

I suck at being happy.

February 2, 2009

Sagittarius
Don't rely too heavily on your analytical skills when you are making a romantic move. Logic does not always apply to matters of the heart, and there is no predicting how people will act or react. Plus, if you think too much about every little word or glance, you'll paralyze yourself with details that just don't matter. So think with your heart. Be open and honest about what you feel -- just spill it when the time feels right! It's scary, but it's also thrilling.

Doesn't that sound familiar..?
bleh.

ehh?

Rare moment!!
Boyfie said he had enough sleep this morning! woaaahhh!

Okay, now.. Somebody asked me if I was Sarawakian yesterday.
I can't help but responded with a big "NOO!"
I've never even been to that part of the country before.. (going to this April!! To Sabah though, not Sarawak.)

So when I got home, I asked my parents if I looked Sarawakian. (stupid questions ftw!) My mom answered almost immediately that I could pass as someone from there. She reckons that I have bits of Chinese. (uhh.. the bit where I have a Chinese boyfriend..?) My dad on the other hand stared at me for a full minute before saying that I don't look really Chinese or really Malay either. gee thanks!

Which made me draw into the conclusion that THAT is probably why people keep telling me how I look like someone they know. I probably remind them of the Malays.. and Chinese they met. In a way, my look-alike are doubled in numbers! hahaha!

But seriously though.. Java + [Bugis + Minang] = Sarawakian??
hahahhaha! Okay. Think I should find something better to write about next time. This is so lame, I think my IQ dropped half a point for writing this.

ughh..

Remind me when I get married, and wanted to start having kids.. Remind me to take birth control or morning after pills in February/March/April.
dude, Sag babies scares me. I don't want another me pleeaase!! Or in any case, I don't want my child being born to be inclined to depression. Seriously. As ridiculous as this may sound to you.

I'm not even being superstitious here. I've just read too many blogs by Sag writers and it's making me sad! They're either dark.. angry.. or really depressed. Sure it's possible that other zodiac signs are capable of being those too, but perhaps after reading the bunch of random blogs, I find that Sags are.. darker.
Reality hits the dreamers worse..

Dida mentioned the other day that she wants a Sag daughter. (She reckons that Sag-guys are a little odd. I have no comment since Ablen might read this. hahahha!) I know it's horrible to say this.. but if I DO end up giving birth to a Sag-baby, I'm gonna let my spouse handle the kid. Really really. I don't want any of me to rub off on that kid. gah!
Scary.. scary.. scary.

I still feel that I have people around me out of luck. Okay, it was fate or destiny.. what ever, but for sure it has nothing to do with ME, coz I suck!
Anyway, I'm not trying to upset myself or anything.. but if it's possible to show me a Sag who isn't dark, please please point me towards that person. I would like to see it for myself.

Doood..

That guy.. on that 5pm Chinese (Singaporean even) drama on 8tv.. his character is always sleepy lah!
And he was really sweet (also cute.. err) in today's episode. eep! The script's stuck in my head.
Honestly, I only watch the show for his and the girl's character development. Other people on the show annoys me -- I always find other things to do when they're on. heh.

err.. mm.. yeah.. so.. I'm incapable of liking some guy for who they ARE anymore, but only for who they remind me of.
I don't think I'm making much sense.. I didn't exactly start this entry here.

My blog always sound so cryptic after I return from a short break, doesn't it?

mush-galore!

Body-aches count

1. sore back; I pulled my arm/shoulder muscle while I reached for a rock, trying not to get swept away by the current.
2. sore thigh; ughh.. too much climbing, honestly.
3. sprained ankle; I slipped from one huge mossy rock.
4. minute scratches on the soles of my feet; from walking on rocks with sharp edges. (they're super itchy now!!)
5. small cut on my right foot; it's like a tiny puncture wound, actually.. but yeah, you could see that it's a "puncture" and not exactly a cut.

bah! At least the leeches didn't get me.
In need to recover myself now.

meh.

So I was bored.
(it's a constant thing today..)
People need to stop asking me if I've been contacted. It'll completely ruin my not-a-care act.

I did this Typealyzer thing. Supposedly, it analyzes the words/texts you use in your blog and then guesses the personality of the writer -- or at least their personality as they write.
I keyed in my 5 blogs.. (err.. yes, I do have 5.. or at least used to.) I wasn't surprised that the way I write wasn't the same as who I am.

See, when I do personality quizzes, I'd usually get INFP. But from the 5 blogs I keyed in, I got ISTJ, ISTP and INTJ. heh.
I got ISTJ for this blog so..

The responsible and hardworking type. They are especially attuned to the details of life and are careful about getting the facts right. Conservative by nature they are often reluctant to take any risks whatsoever.
The Duty Fulfillers are happy to be let alone and to be able to work in their own pace. They know what they have to do and how to do it.

Sounds a bit like me..? Or at least how I led you to believe..? haha!
Anyway, because I was so bored.. I actually mesh together the five pics of the dominant part of my brain during writing.. (from the 5 blogs..)
I suppose we could say that I always write in the same manner..

Hello, goodbye.

♥

I don't feel like updating this, much.
I want to blog but I don't. It's more of not wanting to let everyone know my heart and mind.. it's weird. I don't know.. Maybe because I'm not liking everyone right now so I wouldn't want them to give a rat's ass about me.
I don't need your attention, is what I'm saying.

So until this feeling passes.. I won't be writing anything new here.
shoo! Go away!

Headache.

Not too bad though. Just a hint of it, I can take it.
I wasn't really troubled or anything. I just blame the constant restlessness that I've been having in these past few days and bad.. bad sleep. (That one I blame Boyfie! hahaha!)

I can't believe that half of January has gone. Well, not that I'm not believing it but time seems to be passing so fast these days! Maybe it's just me. hehe. I've been actively trying to make changes, but unfortunately things can't change immediately. Maybe it's a good thing though since I'd forgotten how it'd felt to be physically tired. I need to readjust myself.

hmm.. I still haven't finalized my "realistic" new year's resolution. I have five so far but it didn't seem to be enough somehow. Seems like they're achievable before the half mark of the year - so what should I aim at afterwards? hahaha! (This is me aiming at the moon again..) sigh. Guess I could just settle with the five and elaborate or be more specific with what I have right now.

hmm.. listening to JMs' albums now. (James Morrison and Jason Mraz.) As a whole.. The two aren't exceptionally good, which is sad. I always get sad when I listen to their albums actually. hahha! Knowing what they're capable of.. bah! But they are both awesome.. and they do come up with one or two songs that I can fall in love with ♥
Anyone wants to get me Mraz's ticket? Late birthday present maybe? *hint* (Although it isn't really a hint, is it? hahha!)
Listen to this! : Butterfly by Mraz
HAWTT!! It gets my imagination kinda crazy. hahahahha! (Crazy hormones.. *cries*)

Oh right.. earlier I was talking to this girl; Nadia, and she asked if I have a boyfriend and I said, yes but he's not around, blablabla then she said, "aren't you planning to be enganged or something..?" HAHAHHAHHA!! That got me kinda hysterical.. Funny stuff from some stranger, I must say.
You're not supposed to get excited, okay hunny..

mm.. now, that's a sign that I should stop writing. It's been a joyless week all around except for bits where Boyfie is concerned and I don't think anyone wants to read me gush about him all the time. (Except him of course, but I can write a letter for that.)

Snore...

So many things going on in the past few days but non of them are worth telling. Sad, really. And what makes it even more sad, I'm tired of the nothingness.. but in the same time I'm afraid of change -- and I need change!

Anyway, my parents are nagging.. not at me specifically but the point is, they're nagging.. about Dida.. 'cause she had an accident. sheesh. It's boring really. I lost count of the times she'd been in an accident. sigh.
My parents are annoyed about it. I couldn't bring myself to care as I am just too tired. Emotionally and mentally, I suppose.

Honestly, I would pass out if passing out had been my thing. blah.
Tired tired.. bored. Bored of being tired.
Impressively, I am not depressed even the slightest! Just pissed off for most of the part.

Bloody hell..

I've been on Skype all day and I keep getting messages from random people! For instance;
ahmad104
jom kuar.. kita skandal.. asalkan awak sudi, sporting, open-minded and berat x lebih 60kg.. camner? on x? serious ni
wtf? Even if I was desperate I wouldn't have gone for someone as superficial. Asshole.

mm.. this has been SUCH an unproductive day.. I'd spent all day looking at old pics and uploading them onto my profile. And now I feel a bit like I've been brought back to school.. I'm kinda pissy, but I won't talk about it. (Trying anyway.)
And I'd actually planned on doing the laundry! gah! Should've stuck to my plan.

Moving on.. Mraz's tickets are SO expensive!!!
Malaysia details | Singapore details
Money, aihaitchu!!

Thank you, songwriters, you..

Details In The Fabric by Jason Mraz (feat. James Morrison)

sigh. Put two brilliant musicians together and this is what we get.
I am so naming one of my kids something that starts with a J. Can't help it.. a bunch of the people I really like are J's.. Jane, James, Jason, Joshua, Joanne.. hehe. I can't think of a good Malay name that starts with a J though.. (Jamal? Juwita? Jesnita?? wtf! hahahha!) sigh. Ah well, I could just make my hubby think of that one. My name isn't very Malay anyway.
oh duuude, I just made a plan! hahahha!

I wonder why is it hard for me to be naturally drawn to happy songs. blah. I was going through the songs my friends and I recorded while we were still staying in the hostel back in uni. Then there were songs that I wrote.. They were.. really dark! (Remember Shemozzle girls?? eep!)
We had a production assignment and we decided to make our own music and naturally I was the lyricist.. but I suppose I was pretty glad that the song had turned out the way that it did. It gave us such an awesome idea for a video and thus putting our video at #6 in our batch! hahahha!! Remember that Ana, Bahijah? I remember we were so excited to have done better than Fariz! wahhahahha!
aih.. I hope to see that video again one day. (Old pics.)

sigh. Slow day. I wish I had better things to do when the day is slow but what I'm left with is the external harddisc and a bunch of silly songs to listen to, like this one. I didn't even remember the existence of it! I think it's during one of those days when we got bored and Asha went around random sites and start strumming her guitar and singing to the words she sees.
gah. We sing a lot those days... And when the lecturers say that we can do what ever we want as long as we have something to present -- we sing. (One Wish.. hahhaha!) Then when we got bored of singing, we'd dance around to Malchik Gei and Trauma! hahahha! I can only hope that my child would have as much fun as I had, honestly.

Oh.. "kids" have been popping all through this post because Eeva and Amber were talking about it in one of our threads on Facebook. gah.
Maybe I should go make lunch now.

Saye letih..

I hate planning.. did you know?
Although, I do admit that my life consists of little plans that gets me out of bed and through the day. But to plan.. really plan my week.. or month.. or year is a pain. So new year's resolution never worked for me -- I always make up some unrealistic goals. Like.. "what the heck.. might as well aim for the moon!" but not really putting your my heart into it, so your my feet never got to leave the ground.

But I'd really like to make a change this year. And so.. while I was in the commuter train earlier today.. I made a freakin' PLAN. Well, I have been making a mental note of plans. Things I want to do this year.. Actual resolutions. But I haven't finalized the whole thing yet so I won't be sharing anything over here. hehe. I'm giving myself the whole month of January to decide on my year's resolution. So serious, yeah?
Well, I will be 25 this year; I prefer not to die alone and unaccomplished so I need to get a move on.

Now as I'm resting from making some more freakin' annoying mental notes.. I've been tagged by Anaa!

• What is the relationship of you and him/her?
  We're lovers! hahahha.
  She was my roomie.. my fun, funny roommate back in uni and now she's one of my closest friends.
  Ana, MUST LISTEN!! : 4shared file
  
  
• Your 5 impressions towards him/her?
  1. she's adorable
  2. silly
  3. very agreeable
  4. I need to protect her! ('coz she's tiny! hahahha!)
  5. very fun to be with
  
  
• The most memorable things he/she had done for you?
  I have to say it was recently when she got me a notebook for my birthday. hahhaha! Honestly, it wasn't the notebook that was memorable.. but the message inside it. I'm a sucker for sentimental stuff.
  
  
• If he/she become your lover, you will...
  If?? Well, I'll love her with all my heart 'coz she deserves it that's for sure. And be there whenever she needs me :)
  
  
• If he/she become your enemy, you will...
  do nothing. If she's my enemy, why should I care? :P
  
  
• If he/she become your lover, he/she has to improve on
  her height! HAHAHAHHAHA!!
  
  
• If he/she become your enemy, the reason is
  she broke my heart :P
  
  
• The most desirable thing to do on him/her is?
  pick her up and put her in your pocket so you can carry her around everywhere you go!
  
  
• The overall impression of him/her is...
  it is IMPOSSIBLE not to love her!
  
  
• How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
  mm.. me? I think most people don't know how to handle me..? They love me when I'm cheery and crazy and hyper but when I'm upset and in a dark place, they wouldn't know what to do 'cause I'll be so far from reach.
  
  
• The character of you for yourself is?
  Is this English? haha. But based on the next question, I'll assume that this question is about the character of myself that I like..? If that's the case.. I like it when I'm level-minded. I'm a pretty good person when I'm rational.
  
  
• On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
  I get idiotically emotional.
  
  
• The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
  Somebody accomplished, who is living life and loving it!
  
  
• For the people who care about and likes you, say something about them
  Thank youuu! Thank you thank you thank youuuu! You are obviously AWESOME. heehee
  
  
• Ten people to tag:
  Can I just list ten people but not "tag" them per se, for the sake of answering the next questions?
  1. Syl
  2. Ana
  3. Bahijah
  4. E
  5. Dida
  6. Nina
  7. Alia
  8. Johanz
  9. Jason Mraz
  10. James Morrison
  
  
• Who is no. 2 having a relationship with?
  Me :P
  
  
• Is no. 3 a male or a female?
  #3 is a woman.
  
  
• If no. 7 and no. 10 were together,
  I'd be envious, damnit! (but it won't work.. no no it won't)
  
  
• How about no. 5 and 8?
  hahhahahha! it'll be incredible.. incredibly hilarious and unlikely.
  
  
• What is no. 1 studying about?
  err.. Real Estates..? hahahhahaha. I think. right?
  
  
• Is no. 4 single?
  it's complicated. haha
  
  
• Say something about no. 6?
  Ninaaaaaaaaaaaa! mm.. she's my sister. Annoyingly wise-r.

Dude.. Jason Mraz has a song that features James Morrison! How did I miss that, I have no idea! Oh.. I went out with my Moleskine earlier.. but I forgot my pen. duh!

I still need mum's blessing..?

Dida said a bunch of annoying things today. blah.
I suppose that happens when there were only the two of us in the car. hehe.

So she had a few theories about my mum and I.
She said that I'm still tied to my mum, no matter how much I didn't like the idea. Because apparently, if I jump into anything without her approval or knowledge.. it wouldn't work out as I would've liked it to. bah!
Dude, I'm already so dependant on my parents.. can't I just spread my wings and fly already?? gah! Honestly, I could probably be the most pathetic youngest daughter ever existed. (But to be perfectly honest, I don't really know that many 'youngest daughter' cause they tend to be needy and attention-seeking. Really annoying. An exception to Alia though.. she's a slave to her family. So unlike a 'youngest daughter'. hahahha!)

Then Dida also said that Nina and herself had once talked about ME.
Apparently they agreed that I am a coward. My sisters are awesome.. truly. It sucks to hear those words really but I couldn't bring myself to disagree. They were right.. in a way.
I am a coward. I get scared of jumping into anything with both feet. I prefer to be nonchalant than giving out my heart to be stabbed by the cruel cruel disappointments.
I know.. I get it.. it's a waste of a lifetime. I need to take more risks.. grab more chances.. crash and burn if I must.
But saying it is way more easier than doing it, yeah? sigh. *curses under breath*

It boggles my mind.. theoretically, I should be afraid of crashing and burning after experiencing it countless of times. But here I am being afraid by the idea of crashing and burning. Fuck it.
Wanie Idris was not made to live that way. I was never meant to be the timid, idiotic girl. hehe. That sounds like a good resolution, doesn't it? It'll be my LIFE resolution -- not just the year's.

Currently listening to: Switchfoot - Learning To Breathe ♥

I don't know..?

Have I been thinking too much lately?
I don't know.. it's the new year, I'm telling you. It's making me feel like I should be doing something. Get the move on. But I don't think I'm ready.
Okay, I'm lazy.. I don't know.. It's only the 10th day of the year..
I still have time, right?
Things can wait, can't they?
gah!

Why do I have to have this feeling where what ever that I do must be in a "do or die" situation? God, there must be an explanation for this. Honestly.
mmph.. Boyfie reckons that I should go get a shower now.

The worst part of being in love is to wait for your beloved

I'm fat.

ick.
Okay, I'm not fat FAT, but I'm not lean or fit either - which I'd LOVE to be. So heyy.. maybe I should put that on my new year's resolution. Ooh.. berangan dah nak ade six-pack. HAHHAHAHHA!!

I should come up with an achievable resolution this year..
Maybe I will.
I need change, but I'm afraid of changing. hmm..

I'm here and you're there.
One of us is in the wrong place.

♥

Hello stranger..

mm.. it's been a while since I felt this way.
I was lost, and then found.. but now I'm in limbo.
I feel so.. detached. Not here, nor there. Like nothing can touch me. Untouched.
If the wind blows, I can't feel it. If the rain pours, I can't taste it.
I am the spectator of my own unfortunate life. Awesome.


One night the moon said to me,
"If he makes you cry why don't you leave him?"
I looked at the moon and said;
"Moon, would you ever leave your sky?"

Oh, Mama offered me her flu meds now. hahahhahahhaha! Duuude. I don't think I'm strong enough to say no to anything that would help me sleep. ackk!

Currently listening to: Greg Laswell - Comes And Goes (In Waves)

Dear God,

Thank You for making the day only 24 hours long.
I'm glad that it's already at the 19th hour and the day is almost over.
I'm glad that the seconds pass and that I was not stuck in any particular minute.
Thank You.. Thank You.. Thank You.

Could You maybe do me a favour and not cure my flu just yet 'coz I'd like to take the flu meds later and I wouldn't want to seem like I'm misusing drugs. Thanks.

Shit.

Jason Mraz

KL; March 4th

Singapore; March 5th

Damnit, can I have some money now pleaaase!
Duude! He's on my Bucket List!!!!
Sugar daddies.. unite..? Please?

Also, you can watch the video clip to his song with Colbie Caillat (Lucky) on VH1.

Team Jacob ftw!

Boyfie would really hate that I said that, but I've come to feel that all my friends sums up to "Team Jacob". They're all Jacob; my best-men.. The people I go to when my Edward isn't around. They're absolutely irritating at times but they make me laugh too! We probably shouldn't be doing half the things that we do.. but Edward will understand, right? Right? And this Bella wouldn't fail to hate herself a bit and beat herself up for wanting to be around Jacob. heehee ♥
What ever it is.. my dear dear distractions.. Thank you!

2009 has been.. hmm.. I don't know.
I saw some old acquaintances on New Year's Eve. School mates that I've never spoken to! hahhaha! (I have a lot of that actually..) I've always been pretty sociable.. but I don't socialize so I'm always surrounded by the same ole' people in school. So anyway.. I talked to some of them.. I also made a new sorta-friend whom Alia is now convinced to be syok with me. sheesh.

It's an interesting new year, honestly. Especially when two of my friends made such a distinct resolution..
Ana wants to look for a boyfriend..
And Rudy actually said that he doesn't want to have a girlfriend all year. I am SO tempted to get the two together somehow. It'd be like How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, no? hahahhahahhahahhahhaha!
Sometimes I forget that I live in the real world. heehee.

So anyway, I spent New Year's Eve having a karaoke with Cik Alia, Arep, Idris and Rudy. (Another five of our friends were in the next room 'cause we couldn't get in one big room together -- which was fine, really.) The night was super fun. The boys were CRAZY and absolutely entertaining. ♥
We were singing 'til almost 3 am, then headed to Idris' place to have some snacks and drinks, and Johanz and Alia sent me home at 4. Thank youuuu!

Then on Friday I met up with Ana in KLCC 'cause I had nothing better to do. We walked to Pavillion and as usual.. sat around at Coffee Bean. haha! (Is it getting old, Ana?) Then later Amjad, Zam and AzraaiHasry joined us. (err.. I typed his full name because AzraaiHasry is Ana's friend and even though I have a bunch of nicknames for my Azraai, it just feels wrong to call any other person "Azraai" somehow. Nobody can replace MY Pet Fiancé Rai! nu uhh! hahahhaha!)


On Saturday I went hanging out with Dida and her friends... and came home that night feeling feverish.
So Sunday was spent feeling horrible; a cough, flu and fever. The new year had definitely started with a BANG!! I'm glad to tell you that I'm only left with the cough now.. with my head slightly spinning, but it's alright.

So that's basically how I'd spend the first week of the new year. No idea how the rest of the year is going to pan out and honestly I don't think I should bother trying to figure it out just yet.
Hope you guys will have a wonderful 2009..

oooh?

Dida forgot to hide the modem.. or has she forgiven me completely? ♥
sigh. I probably shouldn't be using the laptop but I can't help it! eeep!
I've been riding in her car this past few days so I was able to listen to some relatively new Indon songs. (whoopee!) I needed that really.
I needed new songs to listen to as much as I needed unnecessary details on her love life, and I needed that as much as I needed to let go of my misplaced effort at being constantly angry. sigh.
Big chance that she'll hide the modem again tomorrow though. blah.
Anyway.. in case she reads this; Dida, I actually missed you.. (I hate that I'm turning into a mush..) Which is why I keep thanking you yesterday. It wasn't JUST for the hat. Thank you..

I suppose going into the new year isn't going to be so bad.
For one, I am not having any beef with anyone.. (hopefully this lasts! hahaha!) And I retrieved my watch!! Ablen, Ablen!! I found the watch that you gave me! hahahha! Well.. it wasn't really lost. Misplaced more like. I'd always thought that I dropped it somewhere around here but Jasmin handed it to me on Saturday while I was in Seremban. heehee. I'd actually "lost" the watch for three freakin' months!! Amusing though.. it was the third time I'd lost the watch.. and it got lost for three months. What's the number of the day, kids?

Loving this Indon song: since Lifelogger died, we'll have to make do with 4shared.
I'm honestly horrible at translating Indon songs because they are so poetic and my words can't seem to do it justice but the bridge and chorus basically goes like this;

I keep feeling that this longing is excruciating
really my life now feels like a disappointment
when you are not here

My dear I want you to know
my dear I want you to understand
At this second I am missing you
who are far away

I feel like running
to bring you back
into my arms.. only in my arms.

bahahhaha! So jiwang la wei. Tak tahan. I am SO one of you now, eh Bahijah? :P

Okay, I'm definitely not going to post any more blog entries until the new year, so..
Have a happy new year, everyone!
Hopefully 2009 will be an excellent year that will bring us an abundant of joy and happiness. I also hope that we won't ever run out of laughter, fun, friends and love. ♥
Since I'm throwing around wishes anyway, I also hope that we'll come by loads and loads of money!! HAHAHHAHA! Well, the more reasonable version should sound like; hopefully that all the projects we've begun will flourish and be fruitful.

*hugs*
*extra hugs for Boyfie*

Flaws and all.

My mom brought home a travel mag the other day and I probably shouldn't have looked through it..
Looking at the pictures breaks my heart. gah!
I don't want to be heerrree!!! I can't stress upon that enough.

I saw Bahijah the other day -- which was of course, nice and awesome! Haven't seen her in a while. Funny how the first thing she said to me wasn't "hello", but; "I bet you haven't showered yet." hahhaha! My friends knows me too well.. but what did she expect? She called me just 5 minutes before she came over! rawr!

mm.. another year is ending.
I can't help it!! I keep feeling this way (semi-depressed) every single year! bah! It's just so typical for me.. like some age old pagan ritual..
When the twelfth half-moon rises and the night is gloom, dress down to your nature suit, lay down with your face away from North and be depressed..
Although I don't really strip to be depressed. heh.

I suppose 2008 hasn't been so bad.. although I haven't got much to show for. Still jobless despite wanting to be employed since last year! hahahha. There's a couple of hit and misses though. I can't help it. I know that with my education background and experience (or total lack of it!) I shouldn't be picky but I just couldn't help it. Just couldn't bring myself to take a job only for the sake of money -- and so of course, I am now completely broke!

I didn't get to too many 'events' compared to last year even though 2008 is the year of the Rat; my year. I turned 24 and I'm nowhere close to owning my pair of Louboutins. sigh.
Though I found love in the most unexpected circumstances. I mean.. what are the chances that I'd be hooked to a game online? And what are the chances that I'd go for online dating? hahhahha! Those two were highly improbable chances that had somehow happened this year and I must say that I'm glad that it did.
Very very glad.

So anyway.. I guess you win some, you lose some..?
But I hope next year I'll just win WIN WINNNN!!
hahahahha!

Hope you'll have a good year ahead, dear readers.. Also, drink responsibly. heehee.

My forecast:

December 22nd for Ida

You can inspire others today with your creative, intense energy. Just being around you can make other people want to go out and take on creative challenges. You can really be a very powerful individual.


Riiight...

What about me though? I don't mean to sound selfish.. but what about me?? Who will inspire me??
I get that life isn't fair.. but this blows! And I'm tired. Tired of nothing which is just HORRIBLE!
Okay, I'm not writing anymore. I was doing SO well with my uppity-dippity-mood entries. It's hard to hold on to that actually. sigh.

Guess all I can say now is that I'll try not to dwell in this.

A page off my Moleskine;

Yes yes.. falling..

Here's an anology of my life for the past week;
It had felt as if I am free falling without a parachute. I'm screaming.. flailing my arms around -- but honestly, who could help me when I'm falling from the sky right? So the second logic crept into my mind, I stopped screaming. I stopped waving my arms. I simply stared at the fastly approaching ground with my quiet resolve.. I want to stop falling. I want this to end. Come on ground, let me have it. But I haven't been getting what I want lately, so maybe I won't have my face smacked on the ground after all. Maybe I'll just keep falling with the image of the ground getting closer and closer.. and closer. Constant displeasure throughout my life and not knowing how to end it. Maybe there is no end to this misery; of constant doubt.. of constant fear.. of constant displeasure towards life and everything that it embodies.

Perhaps I shoul pray more. (Or truthfully in my case -- actually pray.) I suppose remembering God everyday and but not exactly doing as I was told could be considered as cheating.I don't know.. who ever knows about anything anyway? To be in the know is probably the ground that I'm falling to. Maybe it won't do any good to me except break every one of my bones hurt the hell out of me.

I should just pray. Pray for my peace of mind for once. Perhaps I've been lost and in need to be found.
I could hope for a miracle that a sky diver would shoot towards me and swoop me into his arms just before he pulls his chute. But to hope for something like that just go against my core principle. As much as the idea appeals to me, I don't want to be saved! I'd rather not get to the point where I need saving. I'd jumped off the plane, I should face the consequences. I need to start taking responsibilities, don't I?

Anyway, these words had carried me away. I'd forgotten honestly what all these are the metaphors of. It had all made sense as I was writing it, but now.. not so much. hahhaha!

Moving on -- my birthday on Saturday wasn't half bad at all! I was sung to three times, had an awesome day out with friends, ate good food, listened to some good music, got a few pressies (which I ADORE!) and had cake!
Anyway, I had fun on that day.. So thank you Three A's!! hahahha! That's what I'm calling you guys now.
The full thank you list is on my Facebook note.

On a way different note -- Prosperity Burger is back y'all!!! There's even a Double Beef Prosperity Burger!
So I suppose CNY is approaching? hahhaha!

A day to mourn.

Of course.

Honestly I have such little expectation for the day that my only wish honestly is to get a cone of Baskin-Robbins ice cream. Honestly.
I promise I won't find anything to cry about today if I can just get my hands on that. Really.

Seriously. That's all I want.

this entry was written days ago but scheduled to be published on this day.

curse December..

Let's see.. I'm beginning to think that December kinda sucks.
Actually.. I think that EVERY SINGLE year.. it's like.. every bad things of the year happens in December. Earthquakes.. tsunami.. landslides.. floods.. my birth.
HAHHAHAHAHHA! (not that funny, I know.)

What's amusing though.. is how people born in December ought to be lucky and stuff.. I'm beginning to think that they're lucky because they survived despite all the bad things that happened.
Way to go. I feel so special now.

Wee morn of last Sunday had felt like a nightmare to me. It'd felt as if I was stabbed in the heart and as I fell and lay sprawled on the cold floor with my life ebbing away, my stabber stood over me smirking as he admired the blood soaking the front of my shirt and spreads across the floor.
Oh yes, I do feel like a writer for coming up with those words to describe how I'd felt. But oh, I'm a brat. My "hardships" is laughable, honestly so I won't go into details. Enough to say that I should be locked up for my stupidity and extremely lame hopefulness. I could cry if I hadn't felt like I was dying and rotting at the same time.
Who am I kidding? I did cry. hahhaha! Been a while since I'd felt as low as I did. Ah well.. things got slightly better though.
Just slightly. What ever.

I'd like for this month to be over please.

Hello Friday...

There isn't much to share..
Just having a thought.. or wish really.. A hope;

That love will find a way.

Hello Wednesday..

I'm so boooreeeddd!!
Being efficient numbs my brain.
If only I could stay in bed 'til noon. If only my dreams wouldn't keep surprising me every night. hahahha! sigh.

So I got out of bed this morning and took a shower while I wait on the washing machine.. hung the clothes and went out. Like really.. now I don't feel like going home 'cause I won't have anything to do. Make lunch? God!! I am not made for these homey-things!!!!

It's depressing really. Funny.. being efficient depresses me -- only because it means that I have nothing else to do!! hahahahha!!

bah. Anyway, I'm upset. I pray that somehow.. magically I will find the words to finish my manuscript.. or something. Then I'll find an agent, get my book published.. go on book tours.. make loads of money so I could build a house.. also buy an apartment.. take some time off and drag Boyfie to Europe..
I've said too much, haven't I?
ah well.. a girl can dream. (and yes, that is pretty much my conscious dream. My subconscious dreams makes less sense.)

Okay, I'm getting a lil self conscious now since my tummy keeps grumbling. I hate it when that happens. bah! Guess I'll go home and think of what to make on the way back..

Hello Monday..

How was everybody's weekend? heh.
Mine was.. a bunch of things.

See.. Friday night, I went to bed feeling kinda.. off, but I had a funny dream the next morning that I'd actually snorted and smiled when I opened my eyes. I thought it'd look pretty freaky if someone had seen me.

I spent the whole of Saturday in front of the telly. There was the Australia's Next Top Model marathon on V. haha! Although I did watch No Reservations on Travel & Living. Seeing Anthony Bourdain in Saudi Arabia was really cool. I don't know.. he wasn't as snarky as he usually was but the show was still entertaining. It was amusing 'cause they were laughing so much.

Sunday was fun. It was Ana's birthday and though she had things planned over in OU (it's hard for me to get there) I couldn't bring myself to say no to her. (It's Ana after all..) I love youuuuu!

So as I was heading to KL Central on the commuter, the guy next to me kept finding things to talk about. He wasn't the Manir-type, so I couldn't think of anything to ask him -- not even his zodiac sign! *cue dramatic sound* That's a first right? hehehe. He managed to comment on my face (that I look like 18 or 20), that I could look elegant if I was wearing contacts (HAHHAHAHA!!), that the colour I was wearing looked good on me (I just shrugged at this one). Then when we got to Central, we both stood up and he made another comment; "oh, you're tall when you stand up." HAHHAHAHAHAHHA!! It's sad when guys had to make that kind of comment really. (sorry.)
Then when we both part ways he'd ask for my number again and I told him in a sing song; "You can't have it.." hahhahahhahahahaha!! Saying it that way was actually fun. Oh! The guy was 32. Why do I keep attracting old men, really??
I'd like to say that I'd much prefer to attract men about my age but I don't think Boyfie will approve. heehee!


Anyway, I met up with Ana and the bunch of guys she invited at this obscure karaoke place. There was Port, Zam and Otot. Amjad, Fariz and Bahijah came later. It was.. SO MUCH FUN!! I think Ana sang to EVERY song. hahahhaha!! She was really cute. I can't decide which song was the funniest; it's a tie between 4U2C's Fiona and Senario's Kerja. hahahahha!!
Anyway, it was a fun night.. ♥

Happy December everyone..

meh..

That is exactly what I said yesterday as the credits to Twilight rolled away.
"meh.."
It wasn't bad.. but it wasn't great.. As I said to Kak Yan the other day; if only the books were shitty.

It was funny sitting in the cinema though. There were.. TOO MANY GIRLS! And a bunch of BOYS. Basically, there weren't any of the "adult" type around.
Story-wise.. the funny parts were funny I must admit. But I didn't feel for Edward and Bella. I didn't get why they fall in love. It'd seem so RANDOM in the movie. Like they just happened to fall for each other.
But it did NOT just happened!!! It's the little things between them that had somehow made one perfect for the other. grr..
I thought they'd at least get the relationship-connection part right. sigh.

Anyway, I had a bit of an adventure today. The internet place that I usually go to is closed (because it's Friday?) so I had to try out other places. And as I'm writing this.. I'm actually at the third place I've been to. hahahha! I spent 60cents at the first place, RM2 at the second.. I think I'm going to have to pay up RM4 here.

hmm.. Nothing much to type here really.
Life's been pretty stagnant. I don't know.. other than my dreams getting weirder and weirder and that the quality of my sleep is getting poorer and poorer, nothing much else is different. sigh.
Sad, pathetic and upsetting. And no, I'm not feeling depressed -- yet.

Shout out to Cik Bahijah..
This blog is open to invited readers only
http://jazzinme.blogspot.com/
Ape nieee?? I'm not invited? So sad!

'Til next time then.. who knows when that is. And I have got to stop checking my Facebook from my phone.. think I have RM10 left on my credit. ha ha ha.

Dramedy dramedy...

So there's been a bit of drama in my life lately. With things not going my way.. people being jerks.. but I don't know, as I was sitting in my bed earlier.. staring at the bookshelf while I muster the strength to pick myself up and get my legs to take the steps that will take me to the bathroom, I find myself smiling.. and chuckling at the fact that my life is what it is..

Ah well, I do have a weird sense of humour.
But can you imagine how would I be if my sense of humour had been normal? I can laugh at the most unlikely things and still I feel very low sometimes. hmm.. I just came up with a theory for that but I don't feel like typing it out right now. Maybe someday if I brought on the subject again.

Been trying to book a ticket for Twilight this Thursday, but they're all FULLY BOOKED!! wtf. I'm going during the day! And I only want A ticket!! grr.. Guess I'll have to just go and stand in line like "normal people" and pray that there will be good seats left. sigh.
Plenty of seats left in Signature, but do I want to spend RM15 for a movie that I might be disappointed in?? gahh!

So I've been thinking..
ANYONE HERE WANTS TO GET ME A LAPTOP? hahahaha!! (talk about random. I've been doing that this past few days somehow.) Because I remembered something about a band that calls out to their fans to donate instruments.. anything, really and they promise to thank them on their album -- and they did! Apparently there was a long list of names on their album leaflet. Can't remember what band it was...
So anyway! Anyone wants to get me a laptop? heehee. I'll thank you in my book (if I get it done -- AND published, that is) for sure! HAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Funny Facebook group: click!
These people are probably serious, but I still find it amusing.

And now, before I leave..
wo ai ni, Lim Ai Liang!!
hahahahhaha. (Your Chinese name sounds cute, really..)
I miss you miss you miss youuuu!

10:10 ten ten..

So I had an interesting Saturday.
Went to catch a movie with some old uni friends and some new friends.
It was nice seeing that bunch again. Fina and Amal.. (who are now married and leaving for Hajj this weekend) Nana and Wan.. (also married, and expecting. eeep!) There were also Ina and Amri. (err.. why do my friends comes in couples? hahhaha!) Then there was Bahijah (minus Ilsa) and also Ana!
Actually it's a little unnerving when I think about people my age.. having a solid relationship or even a spouse! High school sweethearts.. or been together for over three years.. yikes! Well, that's just me though.
Ana, do you feel anything?
My heart kinda race when I think about it.

Fina chose Quarantine.. seriously. Good thing Nana didn't come along. I mean.. seriously. I think I didn't pay as much attention as I should on the movie. Really.. I can't take it!
Please please.. no more horror/thriller flicks for me. My brain can't take it. It should be fine if I could leave the story at the cinema but it haunts me when I lie in bed at night. And zombies.. really.. they bring up so many issues.

I had a real bad sleep last night. Nothing to do with zombies though. I kept tossing and turning all night that my entire body aches right now. And it was cold from the rain. blah. I suppose having cried a little before falling asleep didn't help either. Not too sure exactly what brought that on though. psh. It's probably better forgotten.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I'd faint and fall asleep soon.

Sagittarians are stubborn.

Not that I need to, but I read about these kinds of things. Compatibilities mostly. It's bordering obsession. (Maybe I've already crossed that line.) After all, most of my friends knew how to answer me when I ask them; "What is he/she?" The ones whom I am only acquainted with would answer me with his/her day jobs. My friends would answer me with a zodiac sign. hehe. (And that's why I LOVE THEM!!)

So when it comes to relationships.. I'm actually a little reserved. Knowing what the other person is makes me careful.. and to not even bother with them, sometimes. (eeep!)
But really, I'm a firm believer that you hold your own fate. (sort of.) Qada' & Qadar -- just because God has written your life in a certain way, it doesn't mean that you can take it easy. Doesn't mean that things couldn't change. Does not mean that your life will remain the same if you stay the same.
When things between two people happens.. it happens! Doesn't matter what the studies says. Just because the statistics says one thing, doesn't mean that I am among those numbers. I could be the anomaly that stumps those rigid researchers; the 0.01% that throws their entire study from being "absolute".

HAHHAHAHHA! You know I'd love that.

Just because the studies shown that I can't be with a particular sign, doesn't mean that things couldn't change. I believe that things could work out -- if you want to work it out. (Then again, I'm a Sag.. do take note that I'm so stubborn that I'll believe in anything that I want to believe in and that NOTHING you say could change my mind.. or heart, for that matter.)
It's good to be fighting with a Sag anyway.. it shows that they truly care about the issue. It's when they stop fighting that everyone should worry about. It'll only mean one of two things; that they don't feel like themselves anymore.. or that they no longer care. In both cases, they'd lost their fire.

So I'm stubborn.
I refuse to be among the statistics. (My numbers are bad if I am one.) I am hopeful.. it's just one of Sag's nature. And I know it's silly to say that since I am telling you that I am not among the numbers.. but hey! There are cusps.. Rising Signs, Ascending Signs.. the order of your birth, the environment you were brought up in, your parents..
Those things matter when it comes to the make up of a person -- which then matters to the kind of relationship that they have with other people. (Then there's the order of your partner's birth, the environment they were brought up in.. THEIR parents..)

hahahha. Anyway.. really.. I refuse to believe that MY relationship is doomed to fail. So the studies can show and tell me anything that they like. I like what I like. I feel what I feel. My heart wants what it wants. And that's that.

This blog entry is in response to Jangteh's blog entry. hehe. Just couldn't help myself. The whole thing just made me think. I've never had a really good relationship with a Capricorn myself; the two I used to be friendly with completely irked me -- one always gave me a strong urge to flick something at her way. And I used to get on a cousin's nerve when we were younger. But there was one Capricorn that I used to be best friends with. She was loud, but she was AWESOME. I loved her anyway. She moved away and I have no idea how she is doing these days.
Anomalies.

I think Lifelogger died.

:(
So sad. I like Lifelogger.

Dudes! Let's celebrate my birthday at Zoukout! hahhaha! Apparently it's on my birthday this year. Pretend that I actually listen to dance music. HAHAHAHHA. I'm having a hard time pretending myself.

Anyway, I'm bored. I feel like writing but there's nothing to write. Should find something to eat but bah! I'm so lazyyyy!! I wonder if there's anything that I could pop into the microwave other than the bag of popcorn. hahahha!

ughh.. Anyway, I'm stealing one of Hannah's surveys again;

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Taken! Taken taken taken!

2) Are you happy with where you are?
No. I'd rather be somewhere else.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Nope. I fall in slow motion.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yeah, it was unfortunate.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where if they cheated on you and you are planning to dump them then
I used to be able to answer this straight forward, but now I'm not sure.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
Depends on how hurt I was over it.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Nooooooo.

8) Do you want children?
Yes please.

9) How many?
Not many. Maybe I'll have one first and we'll see how that goes.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
Now? I'd prefer they keep it to themselves really. It'll make me feel bad if they tell me and I can't respond them with what they want to hear.

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
haha. The only times I've played hard to get is when they can't get me at all.

13) Do you want someone you cant have?
I don't think so.

14)Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Not really. Not for me anyway.

15) Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Yes please! heehee. It's unnecessary really, but it's nice to have.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
Not if they don't want to change themselves.

17) If you could get married anywhere, where would it be?
A beach.. or a garden in a secret location! hahahha.

18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
YESSS!

19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldnt?
Yes, but things happens for a reason, no? I'm glad I didn't get them then. heehee.

20) Have you ever broken a heart?
err.. yes.

21) Would you ever fight over a guy/girl?
maybe not.

Umm.. so..

Hello!

Been a while. I haven't been on a hiatus just so you know. Not an intentional one anyway.
My mom installed a virus on my sis' laptop so she's getting it fixed. It's amazing how dependent I've become to the internet. I'm surprised at how much it's been my source of distraction! bah.

Anyway, I'd love to upload a few pics of my trip to Singapore but for what ever reason the external hd that I brought from home isn't working right now. The red and green led kept blinking back and forth and I hope that doesn't mean that I broke the thing. Dida would be pissed. eeep!
And I will be sad!! ughhh.
Oh, I'm at an internet place in Section 2 btw. I absolutely hate the big ass monitor that they have. grr.

hmm.. Nothing much to tell really. I've typed up a long-ish message to Eeva.. doodled a bit in my Moleskine yesterday.. and sort of saving up my excitement 'til I see Cik Alia (hopefully sometime this week) so I could tell her my stories with full enthusiasm like she'd wish that I would.

Ran out of things to do and write now. Soo.. I think I'll go home and just pray that the laptop will be back soon. I SO want to upload pictures!! hahahha.
Oh crap. I thought I'd sent a text to the Boyfie when I got here. sigh.
Really hope I'll get to log on at the comforts of home next time...

'Til later then..

Nothing but affection.

♥

Kinda weird.. kinda amazing.. honestly I don't have words to describe my day. Well, I'd rather not say some of the things. I love to keep things private. Some things anyway. Like a secret. A really big secret that only two persons share.. hahahha! Honest to God, nothing really kinky went on. hahahhahha!

Oy, I'm driving myself mad. I should go to bed and rest.
Poor Boyfie had eyebags too 'cause he didn't get enough sleep as he was worried about me last night. Sylly Sylly boi.
I love you soooo!

sigh. I think I'm gonna pour my heart out on my Moleskine. I wrote some idiotic things earlier (because I was feeling pretty idiotic) so I need to rectify those. double sigh. I can't wait 'til noon tomorrow. (Well, after the kind of day that I had.. I just hope that I'll get a decent enough amount of sleep!)

Oh! Here's a tip for those who intends on staying at a backpackers' hostel;
it is smart to bring slippers/thongs so you could move around the toilet without having your shoes getting wet.
err.. yeah. So maybe you didn't need anyone to tell you that but I wish someone had told me!

mmph. I wish I had a memory card reader at my disposal. Could've uploaded some pictures! gah. (Not that I took many. sigh.) I should snap a bunch of pictures like a mad woman tomorrow. yosh!

weeeee headache!

So.......
I jumped on a train. heehee.
Not literally though. Would've been dramatic if I did.

I'm writing this from the lobby of The Hive Backpackers' Hostel in Singapore! hahahha! The thought that I am a "backpacker". Kinda cool.. but funny in the same time. heehee. I haven't had the chance to look inside the bedroom yet since the check in is at 2pm. (I'm staying in a dorm! hahhahahahha! oy, thoughts of summer camps is flashing in my head now.)

Anyway, me being me.. it took a while for me to get to the MRT station from Tanjong Pagar Train Station. (I asked one person for direction.) Then I took the MRT that went the other way, so I got out after one stop. Got off at Lavender station, walked around for I don't know how long (asked two persons before I found Lavender Street) before finally getting to this place. ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm delirious. It was odd on the train. Whenever I fall asleep, I'd wake up after an hour. It happened at least 4 times. gah!
Anyway, I think I'll plop down on the sofa. Too tired to think of what to write.

wheee!

I guess my "next entry" would be now.
I stole this from Hannah's;

Your birthday:
December 13th 1984

People have same birthday as you?
Jamie Foxx, Tom DeLonge, Amy Lee

Would u rather play or watch football?
Watch

What sport would u say you’re good at?
bowling..? hahahhaha! I'm not good in any sports really, but I'm less pathetic at bowling and volleyball.

What was your worst nightmare?
hmm.. I dreamt that my family was killed off one by one in front of me by people who travels around in a fold-able red airplane. (Guns included.) There was no rhyme or reason to it. They just came and shoot around. The awful part was that I could see their souls as it leaves the body. I woke up crying.
I was twelve.

Apples or oranges?
Apples

Grapes or watermelon?
Are the grapes seedless?

Wolves or tigers?
Wolves are cool, but I'm a cat person.

What kind of music do you listen to?
Anything with strings really.

Have you ever written poetry / poem?
A terrible one? Sure!

Do you remember birthdays?
whose?

Do you know what time u were born?
6:29 am

Do you have a birth mark? where?
I don't see it.

Are you a sweet person?
Only when I want something ;)

What were you doing before you started filling this in?
Sent an email to Dida.

What were you doing yesterday?
Did laundry, went out, had picnic with Ana at KLCC Park.

What about today?
Surf the internet, sent emails, blogged, walked to the grocery store..

What is your favourite gun?
water gun!

Chocolate or vanilla ice-cream?
vanilla

What is the first thing you notice about someone? (opposite sex)
the expression they had on their face

What’s your favourite smell?
something baking in the oven

Favourite songs that you hear often?
Blue October's, Paramore's, James Morrison's.

What are you thinking about right now?
sleep. I'm thinking about sleeping. How lucky other people are to have a good night's sleep.

What is your favourite disney movie of all time?
The Little Mermaid.

What colour are your eyes?
dark brown.

Who is your crush now?
no one..?

What kind of hair do u like on the opposite sex?
the kind that feels good when you run your hands through it. hahahha. But if it's strictly-looking only, short. I like 'em short.

Who do u want to go steady with?
..I'm already going steady with someone!

Sunrise or sunset?
tough one. Sunset.

What happened this few days?
a bunch of nerve-wrecking situations which were amusing somehow.

Movies?
what does the review say?

Where can you see yourself going for your honeymoon?
Santorini!!! hahahha I wish! Someplace boring would be fine -- then we wouldn't have to make excuses for not having that many pictures when we get back since we'd spend all our time in the bedroom.

My ex is:
alive, so I've heard.

Maybe I should:
get lunch. Or shower. I can't decide. oh, my tummy just grumbled. Lunch then.

I love:
being in love.

I don’t understand:
myself, most of the time.

I lost:
the watch a good friend gave me :( And I love that watch! (still hoping that I'll miraculously find it someday.)

People say I’m:
silly.

Love is:
forceful, apparently.

Somewhere, someone is:
crying.

I will always:
love you.. I will always stay true.. (singing to Regine Velasquez with Jacky Cheung's song) hahhaha!
I will always confuse myself, really.

Forever seems:
soooo... loooong...

I never want to:
feel alone.

When I wake up in the morning:
I'd wish for more sleep.

Parties are:
awesome when you invite the right people.

My dog is:
nonexistent.

Kisses are the worst when:
forced.

Today I:
feel weird. Sort of off.. but not quite.

Tommorow I:
will embark on a journey! hahahha!

I really want:
Boyfie, please!

I have low tolerance for people who:
are simple minded.

If I had a million dollars:
DOLLARS, eh? Pay my debts, build a house, buy an apartment, travel to where my friends are.

eeep. Mad cow disease.

Sagittarians aren't known for their sense of direction.
Well.. in the literal kind at least. I mean, most Sagittarians I know always knew what they wanted in life and they always pursue in that direction. But when it comes to roads.. I know a couple who couldn't help but get lost.

A friend of mine once told me about her mother.. she'd usually ask for directions from my friend before she leaves home. But after a few hours, she'd call from her cellphone and frantically saying that she was lost and had no idea where she was. (My friend eventually had to drive out with the other car to find her mom.)

Then there's the other friend whom had once got lost driving around inside KL for 3 hours. (There was no traffic.) hahahaha. I thought that was amazing.
Well, of course there are other Sagittarians like my sister.. who ALWAYS knew where she was going.. literally, or metaphorically. She'd know the roads in JB by the second time we drive out from the hotel! (Well, I thought that was impressive.)
And yet, unfortunately.. a good sense of direction isn't hereditary. I am bound by my absent-mindedness to not know where I am (literally or metaphorically). When it comes to direction.. I am.. a COW.

Annoying, really. The other day I wanted to go to Dida's office by Putra LRT. (Keep in mind that I've done this just last week.) So I went to the ticketing counter and said confidently; "Taman Paramount"
So while in the train, I was listening in to my headphone (Paramore) while I was half-eying the guy standing next to me. (It was amusing.. we looked quite similar in appearance really; white top, capri/shorts, Converse shoes.. right down to the Sony Ericsson handphone/earpiece!)

So I heard the announcements.. Taman Jaya.. Asia Jaya.. Taman Paramount.. oops! That's where I should get off, and so I did -- except, it ISN'T where I should get off! I went outside.. walked along the station.. took at least three minutes before I figured out -- I should've gotten off at Taman Jaya!! Idiot.

The speed (or the lack of it) of my mind is really embarrassing sometimes.
And that's the reason why I get nervous when I'm at a new place. I'm afraid of taking a wrong turn and getting even more confused when I've gone too far from where I'd intended to be.

Moving on, I spent an awesome day with Ana yesterday. (Sushi in the park!!) Amazingly it didn't occur to me to take any pictures. sigh. Maybe we were too consumed by the amazing sandwich that we got from Cold Storage. (Seriously, we spent a while admiring the pastries and sandwiches available.) (Have I mentioned to you that I LOVE bread?)

My dad said something to me the other day.. which caught me by surprise. Well, I wasn't really surprised, but more like amused. I need to keep in mind that though he doesn't really KNOW me, he actually knows what I'm capable of; which is a little daunting.. somehow.
Ah well, he did say that I was "wild" in comparison to my sisters. I guess you could consider being bold and reckless as wild.

I suppose this is a pretty long entry, but I like it. It's normal for me anyway. Can't say when will I post another entry since I'm not even supposed to write this one. (Long story.) I'm just going to try and keep myself busy for the few days to come in hopes that I will be too pooped to think and that I'll just crash in bed and fall asleep at night. (Even after the long day I had yesterday.. and going to sleep at 3 since Dida and I were talking about her laptop and other things.. I still woke up at 8. wth!)

So I'm going to try and keep myself busy. I think I'll go outside for a walk in a bit.

Slept poorly.

mmph.
I'm more tired of the quality of my sleep than tired because of the quality of my sleep. It's really.. frustrating.
What's the point of being a bum when you can't even get a decent amount of sleep, really?

It also didn't help that I was troubled by a dream. Wasn't exactly a nightmare, but disturbing all the same.

Anyway, I'd like to kick myself out of the house right now. I want to go out, but I don't feel like it. I'd like to go out.. but I don't have to. It's all very confusing. hehe.

blah. 'Til later. I haven't decided on anything yet except to stop blogging since I've been at it since the past two hours and this is all I could come up with.

Comfort in sorrow.

Solace.

Interesting word. I never knew that it had meant exactly that. I like it.

Anyway, Dida and I went to catch the new 007 movie, Quantum Of Solace. hmm.. let's see.. what can I say about it? If you'd like to see an example of such a thing as "too much action", you should see this film.
Perhaps I was expecting too much out of it but it was really.. really.. disappointing. It practically had NO STORYLINE at all! I mean, I like continuation-sequels really. I think it's cool. Quantum Of Solace is a continuation of Casino Royale, but I don't like the fact that if you had not watched Casino Royale, you would have NO IDEA what this one is about! It really was.. that empty.

Sad, really.
Basically the film was only a filler to the next one -- which renders it completely unnecessary. So if you're one of Astro's movie package subscriber.. just wait 'til Star Movies get the rights to show it. hahahhaha. I'm being mean, aren't I?

There's a possible explanation to that though. As I'm typing this out, Arsenal is having Man United for lunch. Sad. I hate that I get emotional about sports. Which is why I can't -- and should never bet on sports. My brain is able to anticipate what will happen but my heart.. my hopes always trumps my better judgment. hahahha!
With that said, I'm betting that my Premier League Picks for this weekend is going to suck!

Also.. something else that sucks; the song on the opening credits for Quantum Of Solace.

wtf. Ferguson decided that he should take Anderson out so Giggs could go in.
Seriously. All these old people should retire.
And please, can we return Berbatov? Please? I'm asking nicely here.
wtf. Teves for Rooney. gah!
I'd like to see Ferguson do something crazy like get all the "defenders" out of the field and replace them with strikers instead. What's the point of having "defenders" when they can't defend? Honestly! Why bother?

Je ne sais pas.

Sometimes I don't even know why I say the things that I say. It's like word-vomit. You can't exactly keep it in, and when it's out you definitely can't take it back.
I wonder if it will ever get easier; to not speak the truth for the sake of not sounding like a mad-woman even though you'd already feel like one.
I wonder if I will ever be any wiser.
I hope I would.

I wonder if having a stone for a heart is a requirement for one to become wiser.
ah, obviously as I say that.. at the very moment I thought of those very words, I have made myself pretty apparent to the fact that I am not wise. Very far from it, unfortunately. sigh.
This is tiring.

To be wanting.. and not having.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was stripped of all wants but I'm not sure that it would be life at all.

Currently listening to: Lenka - Anything I'm Not
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCEhJViyMDo
(Lifelogger is being lame.)

C'est moi.

I read this somewhere.. about having writer's block; because the first key to writing is to write, you should write anyway as an exercise -- you'll never know how things will turn out when you let your words flow.
So anyway, the thing that I read said that for an exercise, you could write an "autobiography" in one sitting. (Well, obviously it isn't a very long autobiography unless you don't need to eat, drink or pee.)

I've always wanted to try that. (Another exercise is to type out one of your favourite books. Again, just to let the words flow in hopes that you'll find your own words and stop plagiarizing. hahaha!)
But every single time I've thought about trying, I'd get stuck.. not knowing where to start. Should I start from when I was born? 'Cause I don't really remember that part. Should I write every bit of memory that I have? 'Cause then I'd be bored before I finish.

Yet somehow I managed to write the title; C'est moi, which is funny since I'm not French nor do I speak the language. (Okay, maybe just a little; je mapelle Wanie, oui, no, pardon moi, toilette, je ne sais pas, je ne sais quoi, RSVP, deux billets s'il vous plaît, foie gras, baguette, croissant. HAHHAHHAHHAHA!!)
Honestly I don't know what that says about me. Probably of my silliness.

Aaanyway. I'm stuck at the title now. Maybe I shouldn't have had it in French since now I'm just amusing myself with the little vocabulary that I have. bah!
I need to focus.
I'll try the exercise some other time. hahahhahahha!! (That must have been the dozenth time I said that!)

*cough cough*

Boring day.
Let's see.. I woke up relatively morning, got a shower and went out to run some errands. All the while my brain was trying to decide if I should get lunch. I wasn't feeling like eating but I promised to Boyfie that I won't skip meals on purpose and "not feeling it" doesn't sound like a good excuse, so I got lunch. bah.

I'm still coughing. It was horrible since I got woken up coughing all through the night. Annoying. I heard that people who tries to quit smoking would be coughing a lot. So maybe I was coughing more 'cause I didn't smoke all day yesterday?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Not funny, I know. I talk about unnecessary things when I'm bored.

blablabla.
Til later.

Amusements for the day.

It's amusing how certain people needs to resolve to extortion to get something from me.
I spent about one and a half minute wondering what that says about me and I learned two things;
1. how little (or none) they had to offer to invoke my interest,
2. how little (or none) I care about helping them.

I'm not a nice person, really. Philanthropy does not suit me. And I always makes it worse by writing things out in here -- without guilt. I don't know.. maybe because I feel sorry for my pathetic life for most of the time so I feel the need to make known how other people's lives were just as pathetic as mine.

I usually blame myself when I don't care about people.. I'd feel out of touch, inhuman somehow. But for certain people, I can't care to care about them. They've stretched my patience so thin that time and time again I caught myself cursing under my breath, "die!"
That isn't nice. I shouldn't be saying that to the people I've known for the rest of my life. It's just mean.

So I guess I'll just do what ever they wanted me to do. For as long as I'm living under this roof, I probably should anyway.
Wow.. now I've finally figured out why I've always felt the need to run away. It's amusing every single time I uncovered one of the many psychological scars I have. But what's more amusing is how stoical I am right now. I'm not angry.. not upset.. I am more to -- bored.

Extorting me is getting old, and boring. Especially when I don't care. Even more so when you're trying to take away what isn't yours. You should be embarrassed, really. Oops. Maybe I am a liiittle mad after all.

Oh, on a lighter note.. last night's race was INTENSE! Poor Massa. I felt sorry for him.

Decode.

Paramore - Decode

Paramore ♥
I actually just really listened to it and the lyrics. hahaha ♥

It's been a pretty quiet Sunday -- which is what I needed. Kinda.
My cousin Ain got married yesterday, and my morning started with a phonecall from Papa that it was already half past eight. (The akad will be at 10.) Basically my morning didn't start very well since I had a lousy sleep; Dida was coughing throughout the night and everytime she did, it'd wake me up.
blah. I wasn't always a light sleeper, but I've been one recently. Annoying.

Oh, should I mention that I wasn't feeling so well when I wake up? I was phlegmy. yuck. I spent more time in the bathroom than I usually would trying to get rid of those.

Anyway, later that night was the reception at the Subang Golf Club. I wasn't expecting to do any work but when I got there, my unc and aunt had asked me to do a few things.
1. carry the HUGE bags of bunga telur (which wasn't exactly in the traditional look of a flower. You know.. modern style wedding; the eggs were in little boxes) which was REALLY heavy.
2. usher the guests to their designated tables.
3. arrange the eggs and cakes ("freebies" for guests to bring home) into baskets.
4. distribute the cakes to the guests.
5. distribute chocolates to the little kids.

Well, I did that before I got a headache. That wasn't fun. I asked Nina to do a lobotomy on me but she was too busy nursing Aqilah. hahahha!

Anyway, it's November. For what ever reason I'm kinda excited that it's November.
I'm looking forward to the F1 race later tonight. hehe. Should be exciting!