April Fools.

aah.. the belated-birthday boy, incik Dar did an interesting one today. He simply texted and asked for a mailing address and naturally one would think that it's for a wedding invitation.
But Dar being Dar.. I had to ask if it's an April Fools prank. hahhaha! Honestly, I would be severely disappointed if I find out that he hadn't send word that he's engaged. Seriously. rawr!

I haven't got much to write lately.
Between my nervousness, drastic mood swings (bipolar? hahhaha!) and doodling.. I really can't think of anything to write about.
But!

I was reading through one of the blogs that I follow, (some fashion blog) and it had tempted me to go look through Tiffany & Co. hahahaha!! Really, this has only been my second time on that site.. ever!
So.. I was just looking.. and then I saw these;


They're PINK!! Pink!!!!
AAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!
Sorry. There's nothing wrong with pink really. They only reminded me of something.. a while back. hehe.
I'm more into these though;


But really.. how BORING can I get? Those looks pretty similar to the one I'm wearing right now! hahhaha!
And then, I saw this;


This is really nice. (but still very simple..)
When I was seventeen.. I wrote this one short-ish story (a really bad one) and it ended with a proposal. I actually drew that ring, and err.. embarrassingly, it didn't look too far off from that of Tiffany's.
But I like the one that I drew better though. heehee!

Okay, this is crazy. I don't usually care about jewelleries but now I'd like to have MORE! hahahhaha! I think I like rings the best.. You see, as much as I like necklaces.. you can't really wear more than one at a time. It's distasteful. As for bracelets or bangles.. I'd prefer just wearing a good, sparkly watch. haha!
So hunny, *hint!* I hope you're paying attention! heehee :P (ooh, remember.. I like earrings too!)

Oy, why am I writing all these.
I should head to bed. But it doesn't really matter.. Boyfie won't be around in the morning so I can snooze all I want -- if I want to.

Ohh. I think something's wrong with my shoutbox.. :-/
(well, the server.. not just MY shoutbox.)

this entry was actually finished at 4:54 am, April 2nd 2009

A page off..

-- original quote by Edward Thomas

My friend is getting married.

T_T
okay, it's not exactly shocking since she isn't my only friend who is getting married. I have a couple of married friends, but this is Hanis I'm talking about. I've known her since I was fourteen! I can dimly recall the early stages of her relationship with Zul.
Ah well.. after so many years together, I'm really happy that they're finally going to make it official. Kinda funny though.. I really can't see Hanis being horny or the likes of it. HAHAHHAHAHHA!!
Sorry.. sorry.. It's just usually, in weddings.. when it's my time to meet the bride and groom and wish them all the nice things, I'd usually say some pretty inappropriate things.. but I should probably save that from Hanis, right? heehee. Zul could probably take it. hahahhahha!!
oy vey. I miss them.

Anyway, if I hadn't been with Boyfie, I'd probably freak out by the news of Hanis getting married. You could say that Sylly had prepped me for marriage.. kinda. Not entirely though. But he'd planted the idea even before our 2nd monthsary.. the crazy kid. So I no longer get freaked out by the "M" word. hehe.
(Doesn't mean that I want to get married now, okie Boyfie. rawr!)

Speaking of the devil, I honestly cannot imagine how I would've been without him. I haven't been at my best lately but I am SO GLAD that I have him with me. I was actually saving that Beyonce song for April but it couldn't wait. heehee.


I love you, Sylly.
I never knew that I needed you until I did. ♥
..and I'm sorry that I'm still awake at this hour, but you have class tomorrow morning and the sms rule does not apply. heehee!
I'm missing youuuu!!!

Oh. I'm pretty okay now. Having the Sub of the Day (Subway) and wanton noodle (OnlyMee) for dinner definitely helped.
I wonder how I should spend my day tomorrow.. I'll probably doodle or write a letter :D

♥

Hello, vortex.

My mom called to tell me that I should call my dad 'cause he asked about me last night. I really don't feel like talking to anyone though.
This is getting really old, isn't it.

ughhh!

I wish I wasn't lame, but I was. So..
Let's try to move on from the thing that's been bugging me since Wednesday.

Idol stuff!
Some people likes Danny (me included).. some people likes Kris (Cik Amyan!).. some are crazy about Adam (I don't know why).. some likes Anoop.. but last night, I find myself rooting for Matt Giraud!
Seriously, I give him props for not reminding me how Let's Get It On is pretty much a straight-forwarded sex song. I usually smack myself in the forehead everytime I heard that song, but listening to Matt.. it was surprising! Nicely surprised.


I had so much fun yesterday.. despite still being bugged by Wednesday T_T


Went to the briefing.. Saw Fariq at a distance but I decided not to call him. hehe. I sat with Amyan, May and Fabian.. Had laughs with Amyan.. teasing her on things. haha! It was a pretty good morning despite not being able to stop worrying.
Amyan drove me to the lrt station (THANK YOUUUUU!) then I made my way to KLCC. Had lunch in the park.. got rained on.. had Caramel Ice Blend.. then finally Ana arrived!!

Sat around.. yapped and yapped.. walked just a bit, then decided to head to Shah Alam so we could meet up with Bahijah after she got off work.
Ilsa ended up joining us after he got off work too, so there were four of us.. sitting around a table. It felt like old times again! (Minus the gossips because Ana hasn't been doing a very good job collecting materials. hahahha!)

Okay. I don't feel like writing anything of actual substance here. (One that would require me to think to write.) Because my thoughts are just.. saddening, really.
So I'll just stop now.

Gemok, ketot, buta lagi pekak.

(Fat, short, blind and deaf.)

Stupid weighing machine. According to the scale, I am the fattest I've ever been in my entire life. Really, the only consoling fact about it right now is that I'm still in the normal BMI weight range.
But still.. I really really need to start watching what I eat. (and actually start doing some exercises that could tone my tummy area. I'm FAT!!)

And as for my eyes.. gahh!! I don't want to talk about it.
Also.. the hearing test.. oyy, I managed to glimpse at the printed results and it looked horrible! Too many zig zags; like I have alternate deafness! haha! It really didn't help that my heartbeat was louder than the test's sound. grr.

It was neat that Fabian and May were also at the medical centre. Amyan was practically there too 'cause I kept texting her. hehe. I complained a lot earlier. The doctor.. sigh. She was pretty friendly at first, seemed really interested in my medical history.

Then she asked me about smoking.
DUM DUM DUMMM.. (dramatic score)

I don't want to talk about it. But basically everything pretty much went downhill from there. Not really downhill, but I felt really timid and small and stupid. I really really hate the fact that I have this stupid tendency to tell the truth all the time. Even if it's not the whole truth.. I HATE IT!!
I hope they'll look over it 'cause I seem so honest. hahhahahahha!! I feel so pathetic for saying that.
It didn't help that she did the physical exam after my stupid blunder. I feel so violated afterwards. hahahhahah!

I only laugh to keep myself from crying.

Sometimes I feel like I keep sabotaging myself. Am I? God, I hope not. I really don't need anymore reason to hate myself.
ughhh.. redha sajalah! I don't know what else to do. I'll beat myself up once the results come out -- if I have to, that is. I'm hoping that I won't have to. oh pliss jangan laa..

What ever lah! Esok komplain komplain lagi dengan Amyan. For now, I'm going to stop talking about it.
I've got to stop reminding myself how stupid I can be or I'll be back in the ditch again.

The thing pasal relationship jarak jauh..

Sangat tak best, okay.

Basically I'm fine with distance.. until I'm not.
That's just how I am I guess. It's like skipping along in a park and then suddenly tripping on your own foot and falling into a ditch.
I can't just fall and missing the ditch; I don't know how to be 'a little miserable' (if I ever said that I was, that was just me in denial that I am completely miserable).


I always feel bad for Boyfie.. for having to pull me back out from that ditch again and again. mmph.
It's not like I'm obsessed with Grey's Anatomy or anything, but I am as "dark and twisty" as Meredith, and Boyfie had to constantly remind me that he's there for me.. like Derek. (haha! Saying this makes me feel as silly as I did when I wrote about Bella and Edward..)

But if the roles reversed.. (like the episode of Grey's two weeks ago.)
If Boyfie tells me to go away.. I don't think I'm the type of person who would stick around.. I don't know.
I can only hope that he won't ever tell me to go away..
But that's a selfish thing to hope for, isn't it? I've told him to go away for so many times now.. gah! Guess I am lucky that someone as stubborn as he is, loves me. This luck, I don't deserve it.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he actually go away when I told him to. I wonder if he didn't press on when I said that it was "nothing..". Had he left me alone when I said that I want to be alone..
Yes, I wonder what it would be like but I can never actually picture it. I simply cannot picture what is beyond 'miserable'.

I'm fine really. Much better than yesterday anyway. But I still miss my boyfriend. Suppose I could say that I'm not exactly a conventional lover. My past relationships; the ones I get to see everyday had never lasted long. So, a little distance is good.. but this one is becoming too much, unfortunately. sigh.
I feel pathetic for being miserable because I miss my boyfriend. gah!

Anyway, I'm a little nervous about tomorrow's medical check up and I probably shouldn't smoke so much to calm myself down. hahahahha!

I wish I was patient.

I've realized that my temper is even worse to my loved ones. That shouldn't be right, should it?
I hate how I feel sometimes. I hate the things that I say sometimes. I hate how stupid I can get sometimes.

Wouldn't it be great if I could just keep my words to myself? Let things be and just wait things out.
I really wish I was patient..
I'm fine, really. I'm just... me, unfortunately.

Poor pensive Papa.

I scared my old man last night.

Okay. First, the parents, Dida and myself went to Nina's place in Seremban and spent the weekend there. The Kiddies had wanted to go to the beach but it was really hot and it made us all oh-so lazy to get out of the house.
So we spent the whole Sunday indoors; cooking, eating, napping, lazing, talking, laughing.. making jokes at the expence of everyone.. hahaha!

So anyway.. the parents are staying over for the week and I was waiting for Dida to be done with her shower before we make our way back to Shah Alam. I was resting my head on Papa's lap on the sofa (iye.. manja.. suka la! wekk!) and.. Wanie's crazy questions commence!

Pa, how big are you on traditions?
Pretty big.
So.. when it comes to weddings, you'd want your children to have all those engagement ceremony stuff..?
If we're not having it then we won't have it at all, but if we are, we'll do it properly..
mmph.. and I've never been very big on ceremonies.. I'd prefer to do it the **omputeh way; come home one day and announce, "look! I have a riiing!" (laughs) but hmm.. okay.
**omputeh - white people/English/American
Papa remained serious.

I kept asking him some crazy silly questions that probably most children wonder about but never actually ask their parents;
How would you feel if Dida wants to get married?
What ever makes her happy..
How would you feel if Dida wants to get married this year?
What ever makes her happy..

How crucial is it for you to meet the guy's parents?
Is it important for you to like them?
Is it important for you to get along with them?
Aren't you concerned that Dida's still unmarried?
Aren't you concerned if I don't want to get married?
Aren't you concerned.. at all, if your children becomes a spinster?

There's a bunch more but I'm starting to forget those. Although, this was my favourite;
Am I scaring you with my questions?
Yes.
You're scared that I'll get married?
No.
You're scared that I want to get married.
Yes.
What he meant was, he accepted the idea of me getting married one day.. just as long as it is nowhere soon.

Then Nina comes over and I filled her in on the conversation..
Papa, you're scared if Wanie wants to get married? She'll be 25 this year. I had a kid when I was 25.
Yes, but I'm not ready.

DUM DUM DUMMM.. (dramatic score)

hahahha! I could see pretty clearly that tears pooled in his eyes. (Not that I enjoy being able to do that.) I know that he didn't like these talks.. the questions I asked him sometimes.
Most times I wonder if I should spare him from my curiosity. It's been pretty clear how my questions could make him feel uncomfortable. But I'm too selfish to keep my questions to myself. When I need to know -- I need to know.

But.. yeah.. talks like these are better to have when we're not facing each other. It just makes it a lot more harder since our faces (or eyes) are so easy to read. I laughed and giggled a lot with my questions but with every one of his answers, it made me think.

Ah well.. as much as I want to be with Boyfie, I'm not exactly ready for marriage yet, so it's cool. Papa was smart to not say that I "cannot" get married soon, 'coz if he did.. naturally, I would want to.. just because. hahahha!
Dida reckons that I am unpredictable with the things that I do and say (mostly because she knows that I am capable of doing and saying anything) and she reckons that Papa feels the same way too -- which is a cause for his worry that I asked all those questions. heehee.

Honestly, I only asked because I was just curious..
Okay, I needed to know. hahahhaha!
I am sensing that Papa would want to know what triggered these questions. Help! I need to come up with a lie. hahahha! I honestly don't want him to really get into my head. That space is exclusive to me and Boyfie alone. (And he's only there because he invited himself in. heehee!)

nothing specific..

I was bored.. so I read this. haha!
Well.. some ideas were too boring for me to try out honestly, but some sounds fine. bleh. But of course, to be able to do those stuff I would have to be able to SEE my man, first. gah!

The Champions League quarter/semi-final draw was yesterday and when I told my sister that Liverpool is going to play Chelsea for quarter finals, the first thing she said was; "aawhh.. poor Chelsea."
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!
Well, we'll root for Chelsea of course. HAHAHHAHA!
Papa laughed when Dida and I were talking about football earlier. Dida was saying how "hero kalah dulu.." (heroes loses first -- ie; Ultraman, Power Rangers..) and I chimed in with "just because we lost one battle, doesn't mean that we're losing the war!"
Dida went on how we'll bounce back.. and yeah, that's when Papa chuckled; that his daughters were talking about Man United as "we".
hahahahha!

ah.. typical really. And in one week, "we" will also mean Team Ferrari! woot wooot! I'm still pretty bummed that I'll miss this year's race. But I think I'll be more bummed if I can't go to Kota Kinabalu since Dida had already paid for the tickets. Plus, Alia is going too.. so.. I don't know.
I really hope that the job training won't start on the 6th.

hmm.. There's a bunch of things to think about the job really.
And the only reason that I think about it is Boyfie. hmm.. Long gone the days when I can be absolutely careless and selfish. hahahha!
But this life is way better than those old days, really. So.. we'll just have to figure things out in time yah, hunny?

Oh, another interesting article to read on MarieClaire.com.
Well, not really THAT interesting but things like these always make me think.. a little, since.. bleh. Not going to talk about it right here right now. hehe.

I'm heading to Seremban once Dida's done with her work. (We're at her office right now.) The Kiddies were talking about the beach.. sigh.
I'm really not the beach-going type of girl. Is that weird?
Ah well.. have a good weekend everyone!

Oh, my Love

Is it possible to be so messed up and twisted for love?
I love how love makes me feel but sometimes.. sometimes I feel so out of place and inadequate. Like "my all" is not enough and will never be. Perhaps I am simply flawed beyond comprehension. As I am writing this, I can't help but wonder if I am channelling what ever it is that is in my subconcious.

What am I trying to say?
I wish I could sit myself down and look into my eyes and read in the depths of them for things that words cannot say. I need to know why am I constantly worried. I need to know why am I still restless.
Wanie, are you trying to run away?
Why do I find it so hard to love myself? What ever have I done so bad, so horrible that is unforgivable in my eyes?

My dear Wanie, you are running away.
You are running away from the house you grew up in.. you are running away from your family.. you're running away from the friends that you grew up with.. you're running away from the the man who loves you.. you are running away from yourself.
Your inability to love yourself scares you.. confuses you to how those people could. The universe seems like a big conspiracy to make you feel safe and secured and when you least expects it, the rug will be pulled from beneath you and you will fall, face first ungracefully.

Why does running away feels so natural to me?

And there's where I stopped writing on my Moleskine because you called, hun.
I needed to ask you if you ever get tired of saying the things that you always say to me. I needed to know if you ever get tired of pulling me back to where I belong. Because if I had kept writing.. if I'd kept thinking and feeling the way that I did, I would have run away.
Is it crazy to have said that?
Well, I'm crazy.

I can't help it...
it's really okay if you get tired of me and my moods. I get tired of me and my moods.. Sometimes I wish I would just go away and never come back.

You know that saying how if you love someone you should let them go?
That's just how I feel. Everyone should just go away and not get tangled up in my darkness. Not worth it.
blah.

Saye stalker. Kamu apa?

Buat Cik Amyan yang nervous tentang job offer: klik sini! Saye cabar awak! hahaha!
Saye tak ingat bila saye jumpe blog tu. Tak lama lepas kita first round interview kot. Macam excited lak bila blog hopping punya blog hopping, sekali jumpa blog cabin crew daa.. (Emirates, kot.) Macam sign, gitu. wahahhaha!

Pardon the Malay paragraph my dear readers.. (to Boyfie especially since I know for a fact that he stalks my blogs. hehe) I was reading the blogs that I follow (stalker mode!) and some of them were in Malay. I can't help it, they were stuck in my brain. (So I mirror them..)
Although, bad English never managed to take over my brain. Maybe because I don't read enough of them. (Of course, I'd like to NEVER read enough of it.) I honestly don't understand why people intentionally write badly. Really. WHYYYY?!

Bad English in one entry is funny, people.
Bad English for EVERY entry is a torture!!
Well, for me obviously since I keep writing about it. haha! True story; growing up, my dad didn't like the idea of his children watching/reading Popeye because he doesn't speak proper English. hahaha! My dad didn't exactly "forbid" us from watching it though. He just didn't approve. Archie's on the other hand, is a big thumbs up.

hmm.. the coincidences in my life is odd. It's like.. there would be a lull period where I do nothing, have nothing to do, no one to see, no reason to move.. and then comes the period where I have everything to do, everyone to see.. every reason to move. It gets kinda crazy, but I suppose there's nothing much to say about it since it's normal for me..
It's still kinda weird though. I mean, I would like to know when am I going to have those period changes.

Oh, I tried Plinky the other day. I'm not sure how I found it. (I got Tumblr from a random follower's tweet.) Basically, Plinky is for those who wants to blog but has no idea what to blog about.. so they gave you prompts; questions or challenges that you can answer.
Well, I have no problem blogging today, as you can see.
I do have a problem staying in bed, though.

Saya rindu Pipoos!!

I was looking through some old pics..
That must be a Tuesday, 'coz there's a market in Beurs on Tuedays where I'd buy fish, flowers (that one time) and silly t-shirts. hehhe! But we're not talking about the market or Beurs (!!) today..
I miss Pipoos!!
(website, in Dutch naturally! ooooh!! webwinkel! -- ps: I'm not exactly fluent in Dutch, but I know enough to guess.. hahaha!)
Heaven on Earth. Okay, that's a bit over the top. Let's call it my favourite playground then. duude. If only there's a shop like Pipoos over here. (Of course that would mean I would be even more poorer than I already am! hahahha!)
Actually, that art store in The Gardens, Midvalley is probably a bit like Pipoos. Not exactly since the decor is a drab (unlike the cheery Pipoos stores!) but I see some potential there.. I'll look into it a bit more closer the next time I'm there.

Since it's been a pretty boring week, I decided that I should probably work on finishing my Europe-travel journal.


I know, it's been over two years and there is a big chance that I'd forgotten everything there was to write about the trips I've made. But I need to try and remember those huge chunks anyway 'cause there are a bunch of empty pages in there and I haven't written a single word on Berlin! gah.
I feel bad when I leave things out or forget about them.

Well, I still have a few stickers and embellishments that I could use. hmm.. I love Pipoos!!
I'd be doing a lot more "arts and crafts" things if I could easily get my supplies -- but because I can't, I fear that I will run out of the things I now have.. blah.
But I should just complete the journal so I'll feel better; to finally finish something that I'd started.

hmm.. so.. I'll be working on that this week.
I just feel like doing something with my hands and I'm uninspired to make cards or write letters. Bad-ish week, so I don't feel like making any attempts to socialize. hehe.

Oh! Why am I writing about Pipoos and my travel journal?
hmm.. for what ever reason, I've been dreaming about travelling this past few night.. every night really. Sometimes I'm actually in a foreign place. Sometimes I'm at the train station. Sometimes I'm kinda like in the airport. And a few times I'm at an underground station; getting lost, waiting for the next train.. really. It's kinda bugging me. Makes me restless.

I wish I could get a new location, location, location

If you could change one thing about your living situation what would it be?

duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!
I'm in a long-distance relationship.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!
I'd rather be with my boyfriend, seriously.
the place doesn't matter much, as long as I'm with him.. I would have much much much lesser things to complain about.

Trouble sleeping blows.

I haven't been able to sleep at my usual time lately. (Which is around midnight.) What's worse, I now sleep at my old usual time -- which was around 4 or 5 am. mm yeah. I guess I should be thankful that at least I didn't sleep at my older usual time. (7am)
It's horrible. I never liked having this trouble sleeping. I wouldn't have minded so much if I end up waking up at 1 or 2 pm. That would at least seem "normal". But I keep waking up at 10 or 11! I'm a weird slacker. I wake up after only six hours of sleep even though I have nothing to do once I'm awake.

Actually, I can take that six hours of sleep and be thankful. Any sleep is better than no sleep at all, really. But I don't like the fact that Boyfie would be all determined to wait for me. So we end up sleeping at the same time, but I still wake up at 11, and what time does he wake up?
Late.

I honestly envy people who could sleep soundly for hours on end. mmph. Which is why I look forward to starting my job. If I can't have a regular sleeping time, might as well put it to a good use. I think the job would really suit me, but Amyan's older entry made me think. I've always been quite the restless soul. I could be away from home for months and not feel homesick. I was never the one who calls them up but they were. But really, I don't know..
I think that changed a bit once Boyfie got into my life.. but I suppose it kinda helps that we are in a long-distance relationship to begin with. It's almost like.. "practice makes perfect".
Ah, we'll just have to see.

Anyway..
Happy 11th monthsary, Sylly.
Love you love you love youuu..
Go listen to the song I uploaded on tumblr. ♥

My dear sweet sweet man,

Some days I wish more than any other days that I could make you understand exactly how much you mean to me.
There should be words for it, but there isn't and here I sit by myself hoping that one day you could feel the beats of my heart and somehow know;
That you're the one that makes my world go 'round, you're the one that lights up my life, you are the one that saves me.
It's you, and it'll always be you. I am yours and will always be yours..

2nd Feedback to Facebook.

1. I don't need real time feeds on EVERYTHING that EVERYONE does.
2. the tabs on Status and News Feed WORKS! why change it?
3. everything on the Home page looks the same!! statuses, wall posts.. how is that EASIER for users?
4. I need to scroll down.. waaayy down for my pokes. it's NOT convenient.
5. yes, I know I can filter what I'd like to see on the Home page -- but WHY make me do all the work. seriously.
6. the Highlights sidebar is too long.. too big.. too annoying, really.
7. twice layout "update" in one year is TOO MUCH and unnecessary.

I know that everyone hates the last layout when you changed it but they end up getting a hang of it anyway.. but this.. THIS! seriously. please stop changing the layout when there was no demand for it and it wasn't bugged'. stop forcing on us new layouts. this is making me so weary of Facebook. really tiring and frustrating.

I used to log on because I enjoyed using Facebook. but now I only log on because I have to -- only because my friends are on this.
I might just log on through my mobile if this keeps up.

yeah.. I decided to send Facebook my feedback on the new Home page every single day that I log in and get frustrated by it. Really. Looking at the new Home page first thing in the morning is by FAR, no way to start the day.

Incidentally, I used to write "formal" emails (to lecturers.. people in finance department..) just like this. The things I try to convey are in points.. but they were very emotional. haha!

Tumbla.. Twim.. Abiro..

I'm trying some apps for my mobile phone. Tumbla works GREAT! Only problem is of course, I don't use it that often. Twim.. I think I just prefer getting on OperaMini to tweet. So I'm trying the Abiro Mobile Blogger now..

Pagi pagi dah buat sakit hati.

The new layout of the Facebook Home page makes me want to cry.. in between of punching something.

Then my friends who were using Plurk were spamming each other.. and I wouldn't have any problem with that really, if they hadn't synchronized their Plurk with Facebook AND Twitter!! SERIOUSLY!! I love them, but I'd like to smack them square for not containing their spam activities in just one place. What's the point of having two microblogs when both of them are saying the same thing? Really? This is a question.
Hey, there's Jaiku and Yammer too! Let's get on those as well! -- okay, that was me being sarcastic. ughhhh!!!

I should probably say that I'm having a headache right now. I couldn't sleep last night and I woke up too early this morning 'coz it was bright outside.
I hate everything about today. I hate it. I HATE IT!!
Boyfie is feeling under the weather so I told him to just go rest.
yeah.. so now I'm all by myself and feeling like crap! I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!
Just.. SOD OFF to everything!

I am just.. so PISSED OFF right now and there is no other word for it.
It's no wonder that I'm failing one of my resolutions this year.

Hello, pointless entry!

I've been in a such moody streak lately. I hate it.
My mood fluctuation made me think of bipolar everytime.. but I can't have that. I mean.. I don't have any problem keeping up with my relationships. err.. I think. Big ones anyway. Falling out is normal, right? haha! And, I'm still pretty predictable to those who really knows me. I do get bored easily, but who doesn't? hehe.
Although it would be pretty cool to say "I have bipolar", I don't think I actually want it. yikes! So troublesome lah!

I'm in an okay-ish mood today. Noone has made me angry.. yet! heehee.
I have a horrible temper, honestly. And I have an incredibly potty mouth. But that side of me doesn't come out often. At least not since I was sixteen.
I don't like talking about things that angers me; talking DOES NOT help. Talking usually intensifies my anger, so I prefer to be left alone when I'm pissy.
Plus, I hate the fact that I get angered so easily. I'd rather be in denial and somehow, not talking about it would help me forget about it easier and when I forget, well.. it didn't happen! hehe.

Though I know it's not healthy to bottle up your feelings.. I would really rather keep mine to myself as what I'm capable of saying.. could sever ties. Well, I don't really know that since I've never tested it.
But I've always felt that if I manage to say them, it'd mean that I am well prepared to sever that tie. Either way, it's bad.
So I keep my feelings to myself. Cry, or get a headache. Risk heart and lungs complications in the future. Hope that I won't have to be so stuck for too long. Pray that I could run.. or die, what ever.

hahahha! Let me remind you that I am NOT in a bad mood right now. hahahha! I have no idea why I'm writing what I am writing now. I blame the lack of sleep. I stayed up to watch the Champions League game and when they were over, the birds outside wouldn't shut up and Dida wouldn't stop impersonating them; my sister is a master at annoying me, while I am the master of embarrassing her in public. heheh! (I usually do things that should embarrass myself, but I always end up having a good laugh while she's the one who gets embarrassed.)

Was playing with the "panorama" setting on my Sony Ericsson last Saturday;


My IP always comes out as from "Petaling Jaya". Why?
I am nowhere near PJ.

Oh, I still haven't got anything of substance to share, can you tell?
(and yet it took me an hour to finish this entry!)

Heartache.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling 'blah'.
Got through the day, had a nap and woke up feeling 'gah'!
And now.. really.. all I'm feeling is 'meh'.

I hate days like those.
When my heart's in a well and no one could pull it back up.
So I'm trying to climb up now. I'm trying.
That's all I can say.

Too long..

mmph.
I'm afraid I don't have anything nice to say.
I am.. at lost.
My bloody mind can't recall the way he smelled.
shit. I'm not even actually old but my mind falters like of an 80-year old's.
Stupid fucking distance.

I'll distract myself with chores now.

I'm happy to be happy!

hmm.. I was looking through what sort of trash I had in my handbag earlier.. and there was this old Borders receipt. Okay, first.. I saw For One More Day on Hallmark a few days ago and I thought; meh.. good thing I didn't buy the book.
So, back to that receipt.. sometime in 2007, I went to Borders and got myself The Alchemist, Like The Flowing River.. and For One More Day!! HAHAHAHHA!!
duuude! Obviously I bought the book and hadn't read it yet -- and I have NO IDEA where it is!! Where is it??? gah! Guess I should look for it.. sometime. hahaha!

blah. I actually have a couple of books that I haven't read yet. mmph. Dante's, Edgar Allan Poe's, Jane Austen's.. I should probably spend a couple of days reading all those books. (Before I yap about wanting some new books at least!)

Today I went on a lunch date with my sisters. Good fun. Loads of stupid, silly jokes within one hour (happy hour!) like always. See, of all the right things my parents had done, my sisters.. they are at the very top of that list! heehee.


Dida had people to see after lunch so I went back on the train.. and guess what?
I got to see a free shooww!
The guy sitting across me was wearing shorts and didn't keep his legs together. bahahahhaha!! mm.. yeaa.. I don't get creeped out by balls, apparently. I've always wondered why noone ever flashed me before. I would have a good laugh out of it.
I remember back in school when some kids got flashed and was mortified about it. I've always pictured myself pulling out a pair of scissors if I get flashed. (Then I'll chase the guy around! See how he'd like that!)
So.. yeaa.. no wonder people are usually worried FOR me. bahahhahaha!

American Idol's wild card show was exciting! The ending was the best! hahahha! ♥ That's the way it should be, honestly..

And Boyfie.. I love you SO MUUUCH!!

Honestly...

I told Boyfie yesterday that it's a good thing Lifelogger died, or I would have even MORE blogs. But actually, now that I think of it.. if LL had survived, I wouldn't feel really inclined to use Tumblr. (other than having an intergration with Twitter, you can upload one audio file per day!) wheee! That bit got me hooked really.
Not that I'll be updating it much, (like my Wordpress and the rest of my blogs on Blogger..) but I like knowing that I have a place where I can upload my current favourite song when I want to.
I'm too lazy to learn CSS though, so I'll just settle with a boring theme for now. (I ought to learn it for this blog too but bah! As long as HTML still works, I will stick by it! rawr!)

Oh, I can be such a geek sometimes.. you have no idea.
I probably have half a dozen of things online that I check/update quite regularly but THIS will always be at the top of my list. This blog is like Boyfie and the other ones are my little distraction. hahahha! ♥

Okiee! The day's been pretty slow. (The week, really.. and yet it's Thursday!) I have nothing much to write. bah!
I haven't had much to write about lately. Not here, not in my Moleskine, not in letters.. not anywhere! I don't like it.

I suppose if Blogger releases the option to upload audio files and password-protected entries, I'd be super-loyal to this blog. hehe.

For the sake of writing..

Yesterday turned out to be a day out with my girl friends. Bahijah in the afternoon, then Alia in the evening.
It's always nice to have a sit down and catch up on things.. hehe
I'm still not caught up with some of my other friends though. Soon I hope.

So I discovered tumblr.com. gah! Naturally I had to try it out. hahahha!
I will do my best to not update it as often as I can manage.
Seriously.. seriously.. I have enough things online. Seriously.

Anyway, I'm bored. I woke up too early again this morning.
Think I'll go watch The Office again..

♥

Bahijaaaaaaaaaaah!
Completely forgot to take pictures since we were pressed on time. Could've had her unnaturally straight hair recorded! hahahaha! (Could've taken food-pics for Debzie too! blah. Fail!)
She called this morning and asked me some things that obviously came from something she read from this blog and wanted to have lunch together -- typical Bahijah! Always too busy for anything and then finally catching up on things all at one go.

Ah well, that's why I have this blog anyway. I'm not exactly the type who calls up my friends to ask them how things are going or tell them how things are doing for myself..
I'm happy that this blog served its purpose. woohoo! Go blog!

Anyway, as I told some things to Bahijah, she couldn't stop staring and claiming that I've grown up and have finally bloomed. Ooookay!
It's amusing how the things I say can get people to stare at me. They always seem so surprised like I've made some drastic change when I haven't really. I still feel like the same person I ever was. Only difference is I am now moving somewhere instead of being stuck.
Come to think of it, the only person who has never been surprised with the things I said was Musz. (Naturally!) She'd stare too but then she'd nod along, always knowing what my thoughts are capable of.. but I'm not too sure if she'd still be unsurprised these days. I can't remember the last time we actually talked..

So, that's how my day went basically. When I got back, Boyfie insisted that I take a nap since I didn't get much sleep last night -- and I did. (woaah!)
Hopefully I won't have trouble sleeping tonight. (since my nap was 3 and a half hours long!)

Family-filled weekend!

wheeee! Went to watch football with Dida on Saturday night. Selangor vs. Kelantan at the Shah Alam Stadium. The turnout was really impressive (probably since both teams are at the top of the table.) Like seriously.. the Kelantan fans beats the Perak and Kedah fans turnout.

Dida and I cursed a LOT that night! Really.. we haven't been cursing that much in a long, looong while, but EVERYTHING goes that night. I can't recall the times I shouted at the referee to just drop dead. The linesmen too. But mostly the ref. His obvious biasedness is incredible. And he is TOO generous with his cards! Seriously! 2 red cards and half a dozen yellow ones. Seriously!! He was awful!

The whole night was really exciting, I must say. Despite the idiocy of the ref, Selangor still managed to win by 3 goals to nil. Not to mention that there was a fight between the fans -- polices were involved (good thing Dida and I weren't sitting too close to that area) and the typical casualty of a matchday; the stadium's plastic seats. Dida scolded one guy about it, which I commend her for. I almost scold one other guy but I couldn't bring myself to be reckless. (Usually I'd feel prepared to have a fight to do things like that, but I promised that I'd take care of myself.. so I minded my own business.)

Honestly I don't get these people. If they love the team, they should love the stadium too. Just thinking about these vandals is pissing me off. Stupid morons. I wish them death.

Moving on..
I was in Seremban on Sunday with the whole family. We stayed at Nina's place before going to Port Dickson later in the afternoon. I was feeling a tad anxious to swim around so I just wade about.. goofing around with Nina, which was fun!


Then it started raining.. really heavily on our way back from the beach.
But that turned out to be really fun too since I get to run around in the rain once we get to Nina's house. It was freezing cold so I chattered my words the whole time. Oddly enough, the kiddies didn't join me and Dida in the rain.
hmm.. who were the real kids actually? hahahha!

Dida and I are catching a movie later. I don't know why but I'm kinda excited about going. weird. I'm not too excited about having to get a shower later though. hahahha!

Back in Shah Alam.

aah.. that was a long, boring journey back. But the train arrived on time and Dida had great timing (very rare!) that she came to pick me up just seconds after I walked out through one of the exit doors.
The car ride was nice.. normal conversations, nothing odd; which was exactly what I'd wanted.

I was in a pretty good mood getting back; knowing that I have a parcel waiting for me. (hehe. I love pressies, what can I say?) I walked into the house with Mama waiting at the door ♥ while Papa stayed at his seat but kept looking my way. (My parents missed meee! heehee!) I like those little things they do when I get back after being away. Guess I won't get that much once I actually start working. ah well.. I'll just cherish these moments then!

Okay, so I went into the bedroom and my sister pointed to me the huge parcel Sheryl gave me. Really. It was HUUUGE!!! Inside were a few pairs of awesome socks ♥ and enough candies (lollipops!) to get me hyper 'til Halloween. hahaha!
If you're reading this, Sher.. thank youu sooo muuuchhh!!! Love it LOVE IT LOVE ITTT!!

Anyway, I've got some few things to look forward to this weekend. Laundry first thing in the morning, football at the stadium with Dida in the evening.. and the beach on Sunday! I haven't seen the kiddies in AGES! I do get a bit jealous when everyone comes back from visiting Nina's family with new funny stories about the kids, so I'm really looking forward to seeing them. Oh! And I'm getting Dida to watch a movie with me next week. hehe.

Should get some rest soon.. maybe.
I'm missing you, hunny..

Back to reality.

..when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.
"Why do you weep?" the goddesses asked.
"I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.
"Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."
"But... was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.
"Who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!"
The lake was silent for some time. Finally it said:
"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
Prologue, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

I can't help but relate..



Going back to Shah Alam in a few hours.
I can't bring myself to call it home. The house I grew up in hasn't been "home" for a while. Incidentally, home is still sleeping at the moment because I was crying and sleep-talking last night that he felt the necessity to look after me instead of getting some sleep himself. gah!

So anyway.. I've cried. So there shouldn't be any more.
I'll just suck it up -- and go back!
It's not like going back is all bad. I received a really good news in my inbox last night that I kept doing a jig. (Boyfie was amused.) Turned out that I did pretty well in the interview last month so I'm just going to have to wait for the call where they'll tell me to get my medical check-up. I've been worrying if saying "I have no idea" was too harsh when the interviewer asked me how to become proactive in the instance he'd given me. bah!
Sometimes words just came out of my mouth and I wish I could take them back.. Anyway, no more worrying 'cause they liked me after all! woohooo!! Now.. I hope my health is good enough for the job. hehe.

hmm.. think I ought to get my shower before I get too lazy or immersed in the fact that I really am going back after spending 5 days with Boyfie.. sigh.

Hallo from Singapore!

*waves*

I am now typing from the confines of Syl's place in Ang Mo Kio. Feeling all so hyper after a bit moody earlier. Don't really know why.. PMS? (I say that a lot when I can't figure things out.) But I reckon it is pms.. People get angry and irritated at things -- I get sad. Typical.

Let's see.. the "vacation" so far has been fun. But I'm leaving in 2 days.. :(
I'm SO getting used to being with Boyfie 24/7.. Think I'll be like an addict who has to stop taking my drugs cold turkey.

My phone's credit is rm9 something.. I hope no one texts or calls me in the next 2 days. hahhahahahhaa!

Basically we haven't done much while I'm here. Just eat.. sleep.. watch shows that I can't dowload at home (ha!).. blabla.. boring stuff.

But I am SO FREAKIN' EXCITED about tomorrow!!!!!
We're going to Coffee Club and get that coffee milkshake that I love LOVE LOVEEE! Like seriously.. it's coffee AND milkshake.. it's impossible not to love. yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

hmm.. what else?
Stupid Man United drew with Inter Milan. I mean seriously. I'm blaming Boyfie for not trying harder to wake me up and watch the game. rawrrr!! (Yes, they didn't win because they didn't have me watching them.)

I think I ran out of things to write. And Boyfie is no longer reminding me of things I could blog about so now I completely ran out of things to type.
I blame everything on Boyfie in case you haven't known that. heeheee!
But he knows I love him.. so.. whatever!
Have a good Thursday, everyone!! ♥

oh! Thank you Alia, Johanz, Idris and Mail for sending me off the other day.

oops!

gah! I have no idea why I woke up this early. Okay, maybe I do have an idea why.. haha! But anyway, here I sit staring at the screen by myself. (and Boyfie's sound asleep. boo!)

I was completely soaked on last night's endeavour that I completely forgot to talk about The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
I don't think I was impressed much by Brad Pitt. I was more in awe of the adaptation from F Scott Fitzgerald's short story (it seemed better than the original -- not that I actually read it) and the make up in the film. haha!
But I really love the story.. it was poignant. Story-wise, I have nothing to complain ♥

Debzie did this quiz and well.. I needed something to do;

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Everything made sense except for the part on education and job. hehe

Think I'll laze in bed and try to fall back to sleep or something. Can't seem to find anything to do.. bleh.
O yeah, I am in Singapore, in case some of you didn't know.

I'mma mail order bride.

Tummy ache.. gah!
Not the serious kind. The gedik kind that won't go away 'cause my heart was racing. bleh. I wish I had done these kinds of things before so I'd know how to pretend to be cool at least.
O yeah, I was just introduced to Boyfie's mum and err.. yeah, she was really nice, showing me how to do some things while I'm staying here. mm.. yeah. Anyway.. still. I wish I could pretend to be cool and radiate awesomeness at will.

But I can't.. sooo...

Anxious!

Just waiting around for Alia (and Johanz) to come pick me up.
This waiting is really making me anxious.
Papa kept trying to make me go to Seremban earlier. (since the train stops at Seremban too..)
And Mama thought I was having a fever 'cause I felt warm. (yeah, she was oddly cool earlier..)
Ah well, I'm glad that they went out. At least they can't keep asking me when I'm going out. heh.
I think I got everything.. tickets, passport.. clothes.. kinda wish that my bag isn't too full.. bah!
On a different note, I'm tempted to get a haircut. Soonish.. I don't know.. I'm really not crazy about this mess that is my hair.
Okie. I'm going to get a drink and calm myself.

See you soon Boyfieee!!
♥

I'm an idiot.

Also a coward.
blah. My heart races everytime I think about making the phonecall. Wish I could get somebody to call them for me, but that'd give the impression that I'm a pussy -- which I am, actually. gahhh!! I've been sitting on this for three days now, how stupid is that? I keep delaying and give myself excuses for not calling. The three people I was with at the thing called and they got through. ughhhh!! The pressure. What if I'll be the only one?
I'll call when I get back.
blah. What ever. I'm not thinking about this anymore.

Moving on, my dad made tea for me today (like he always would..) but because we ran out of the usual Lipton teabags and haven't bought grocery yet, he gave me a cup of one-o-those instant ones. I took a few sips.. finish my pau in a good 10 minutes (slow, I know..) then hold my breath as I gulp down the rest of my tea. hehe. Curse instant drinks!!
I wonder if there is any instant drinks that tastes good out there.

Nothing more to say.
I don't feel like saying anything anymore.
Have a good weekend everyone! :)

Blast from the past!

ah yes.. nothing amazing about this picture. Just the unimpressive view from the kitchen window. So why is it on my blog?
It's the light. The yellow tint in the light this afternoon reminds me of my days growing up in this house. hehe.

We live in the top most floor so to have my friends actually climb up the stairs to get me out to play is such a rarity. (I don't think it ever happened actually.) So my friends used to call me out to play by shouting out my name from the parking lot downstairs. heehee. O yeah; "Wanie.. Waniee.." then I'd stick out my head from the window. Ah.. the days without cellphones.

Then there were days when my friends and I did too much running around and got really thirsty. There was this one vending machine at one of the blocks, but us kids.. we don't really carry purses/wallets when we go out to play and carrying coins in your pocket and hear it jingle as you run was just not cool.

So..
"Paa.. Pa.."
and my dad sticks his head out from the kitchen window. (Nobody else ever stuck their head out, oddly.)
"Nak syiling plis!" (Can I have some coins, please?)
then my father's head disappeared for a minute and returned with enough coins for me to get a soda in a tied plastic bag in his hand -- then he'd throw it in my direction and I'd avoid from getting hit by it. heehee.

I like my funny childhood. I'm glad I had friends calling me out to play practically everyday. hehe. Come to think about it, I've always had some friend calling me out to play throughout my life. hmm.. Except for that time which also happened to be the darkest period of my life, go figure.


Oh, this was taken last week.. See that bar with the word 'Connecting..'? I can't help but really stare at that bar everytime I wait for a page to load T_T
It drives me crazy every single time really.

Oh.. hmm.. I really ought to start packing.. bah!
And and.. on a very different note.. Teves cut his hair!! yayy!

duuuuuuude!

'skine.art (skineart) is now following your updates on Twitter

duuuude! I wish I was artsy and not artsy-mediocre!
duuude!!!! See gifted people with Moleskine.
Some of them are.. incredible!

My favourite is this though;

Simple, and the guy who made it drew it as his wife's V-Day gift!
hahaha!

and oh! Lookie! Leather Moleskine covers!
hahahhahaha!
grrr..
I'm so me sometimes, I annoy myself.

Blog-stalkaaa

mm..
I'm not a fan of religous blogs. I usually avoid them. Some sounded like phonies.. trying SO hard to get people to believe that their religion is "the best". Yes, God is Great.. if people can't see it, you don't need to shove it in their faces. You don't have to JUST talk about religion and God. Wasatiah.. do everything moderately.. seriously.
Some blogs on the other hand.. ah.. sounded so genuine that I wish I was in their place. They don't even need to be an Islamic blog but everytime I read about their relationship with God, I'd feel so inadequate and jealous to the point where I can cry. (Envy; one of the 7 cardical sins! eeep!)
So I click away!

I suppose I've always been pretty liberal when it comes to religion. I know what I'm supposed to do. I know when I'm not doing it. And I definitely know when I'm doing something that I'm not supposed to. hahahahha!
But I don't need these people to remind me of what I know. 'Cause I KNOW! Seriously, I do.. but the surest way of making me wander further away is by telling me to come back -- and sit still.
I am a Muslim by name, and I hate saying that. But to say "I'm Muslim" makes me feel like a hypocrite. Iman.. rasa di dalam hati, kuatkan dengan perkataan dan perbuatan. Faith, feel it in your heart, strengthen them with words and actions..
mmph. I get two out of three.

This morning's entry is influenced by this blog. It's written by a Muslim-convert/revert(?) and I find her stories amazing. She has more faith than I do. And she's a teacher too! Her patience is daunting.. truly.

I just decided to start packing. Yeah. Give me more time to be distracted.. put things in my backpack.. then get them out.. I really do hate packing. I can't seem to know what I'm bringing with me; even after I've planned my outfits -- with doodles even! Okay, I guess I can be quite the control freak but in my defence.. I used to want to be a fashion designer (when I was eleven to thirteen) so doodling what I am going to wear is.. err.. fun! hahahha

Now, I'm not really crazy about Miley Cyrus, but I LOVE her latest song; The Climb. This is probably the 2nd song of hers that I like (love). Okay. 3rd really. rawr! Don't judge meee! I'm a sucka for good lyrics!

Oh, I did this test last year and yesterday.. (a quiz on your beliefs.) Well, apparently I was a Reformed Jew in October and now I'm a Sikh.

Okie. Nothing more to write for the time being. 'Til later! (perhaps..)

Deeper conversation..

non-existant!
Seems like I've been talking about unimportant things lately. Or is my philosophical side is working on autopilot? 'Coz I can't remember actually writing with depth -- if I actually had.

Maybe I've been relatively happier than I used to be. Things to distract me from questioning about life and God's plans. Less things to ponder about. Maybe. heh.
I never stopped wondering where I'm going though. A direction that is mine, and mine alone. I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I've been "going with the flow" all my life. I want to make my own flow. Take the road less travelled yet still arrive at the destination where I'd like to be.

I want to go into the jungle with two big bottles of water, a bunch of chocolate bars and my cellphone (let's face it.. Celcom has the best reception. haha!) so my family --and Boyfie, could check up on me and we wouldn't miss each other too much while I'm away.
I know it sounds selfish to want to be alone when other people wants to be with you. But I like being surrounded by strange things. I wouldn't want to walk along the cleared path. I want the dark, difficult terrain so I know that I deserve having the people waiting for me on the other side of the wilderness.

I think I've had it pretty easy so far. (Just happens that my emotions couldn't take it head on.) Well, maybe not easy.. but it was never hard. Maybe I'm just comparing myself to other people whom had it real bad.
It's not a charmed life, but I've been lucky. I'm grateful for that.
And because of that, I feel like I should be doing more. If people who were dealt with the bad cards could do better, then shouldn't I be amazing with my mediocre cards?
haha. Maybe I'm just deluded with illusions of grandeur. (Which I must admit, I am most prone to.)
I refuse to be just me. I wish for this incredible person who happens to be ME. heehee.
I don't think I'm being hard on myself. I mean, even when I criticize myself constantly, I'm still me. Now tell me if there is anyone else as unchangeable as I am?
Ah, I'm just stoical right now.

The kids on Facebook were doing this thing last night;
(I don't think accuracy was its main goal)


You are Silver Elephant, who gives an impression of being pure and innocent.
You are not pretentious and are very straight forward type of woman.
You tend to lack sweet sensitivity.
Instead you possess strong will power and resolute attitude.
You are a hard worker, and will not depend on others.
You are a person who steadily puts effort.
You think high of rationalism, and hence, lacks softness.
Economically, you are precise and sound.
You will not spend money on impulse.
Although you don't show, you are actually a person with pride, and tend to be upright and little bit short tempered.
You may act more maturely than your age, or more childish at times.
This unbalance tends to be your attraction.
You are very independent sort of person, and will not dare think to rely on men.
You therefore try to take control of things.
You can very well take lead of men, and have a skill of not showing that.
Profit and efficiency is very important to you.
You tend to choose your hobbies on that as well.
Even after you get married, you wouldn't be turned by houseworks, and in fact will carry out it efficiently.
You will take great interest in your children's education, and will turn out to be a good mother and a wife.

hmm.. perhaps some of them are true but I find some to be extremely bogus. Ah well, maybe I just don't see myself in that light.

Wanie Idris is hopelessly hopeful.

It's just how I was made really.
So yeah.. the page out of my Moleskine that I posted for my last entry..
Basically, I do believe that we can achieve anything if we put our hearts and mind to it. It's in our hands. Everything and anything is possible. Maybe not world peace but people could tolerate each other more despite their differences.. (I'm a hippie at heart.)
So I can't take it (really, I can't take it) when I was told "no" or "can't" when I tried my best. It brings me down.. so low to the point where I can't move.
The fact that my best is just not good enough.. gah! To "crash and burn" SUCKS! Damn life resolution.

Times like this makes me so so SO grateful that I have Boyfie with me. He won't let me dig a hole and get in there to stay for the rest of my life. hehe. Thanks for pulling me out, hunny.

Anyway, now I'm back to being hopeful. I haven't received the rejection mail yet.. hahaha! Plus, I have next week to look forward to which is.. perfect timing really. I'll give myself a headache (and heartache) after the trip. weehoo!

That's it really. Nothing much to update except that I am.. alright.

A page off..

errr?

Person
You have no friends in common.
Person found you using the Friend Finder.

??!
How did that person find me when I don't remember who she is..? I'm horrible. Honestly. I don't think I was ever that popular to have people knowing me when I don't know them! So.. the only other explanation is.. AMNESIA.

Read Mraz's latest entry? I like his would've-speech.
Sounds exactly like it was from the person who wrote I'm Yours. hahahha! I'm a sucker for people who reflect on themselves apparently.

Alia asked if I wanted to go to Mraz's concert since Rihanna's would probably be on after his. bleh.. I wish money grew on trees.
meh. I would love to go. But I think my heart will break having to listen to I'm Yours and Lucky by *myself*. gah! See, I wouldn't care about these things if I was single. rawr!

If I actually had something to write about, this would've been a longer entry. But probably not since the fingers on my left hand are hurting after I played my guitar earlier today. gah! It wasn't nice to be reminded that playing it still hurts.. and that I still suck at it. Ah well.. guess I will just have to settle for listening to other people playing it then. ♥

Oh..! That person.. I think she was a housemate during my third year. Was she? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Indonesian mush ftw!

Dida made me listen to Rossa & Pasha's song called Terlanjur Cinta earlier. Now I'm addicted! hehe.

I was bored and I did this;

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
Your Heart Takes Love Seriously
- You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
- In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
- You'd like your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
- You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
- Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
- Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
- You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.
- In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Interesting questions, that one. They're all about animals. heh. I don't know how accurate this result is though.. my choices on animals are pretty much biased. (Like.. I'd prefer horses and birds 'cause they can pretty much roam anywhere they want to.)

Nothing much to blog about really. This is my very weak attempt at distracting myself from thinking about Boyfie too much -- but yeah.. fail!

8 days away!!

♫ ♪ do do do do dooo ♪ ♫
I am stoked about getting it over with. Since there's basically just one thing I'm worried about.. I'd really like to get it over with! It's like.. going to an interview.. or doing a public speaking in front of the class. Just suck it up, do your best and hope you'll get the job or pass with flying colours.
bahahahha!
Yes hunny, the thought of meeting your parents is like going for an interview or speaking in front of the class to me. heehee
So I'd like to just get it over withh!!!

mm.. okay.. basically I don't have anything much on my mind right now. It's completely filled with my trip to Singapore. heehee.
heeheeheeee.
heeheeee..
hahahhahahahha!
Sorry.. I just can't help myself.
I just find it funny that most of my friends (the ones who knew) are excited for me even when I was mostly worried. Even Dida said that it'll be alright and that I should be more worried about MY parents! hahahha. (And I do.. kinda.)

It was a total relief the second I'd told both of my parents about this trip.
dude. The last time I went, I told them through a text! HAHAHHAHAHHA!! I am definitely NOT the child you'd like to have, honestly.

grrr. Damn it. Why am I writing all this right here right noww?!
bleh. I keep sharing things I don't plan to share these days. ick.
I blame Boyfie. I always do. rawr!
Hunny, delete next week please!

♥

W-T-F wrong zodiac??!

Ophiuchus the 13th sign of the Zodiac - also known as Serpentarius, the Serpent Holder.

The constellation Ophiuchus has been known about since ancient times.
It was never added to the Zodiac chart as astrologers said that the Sun went straight from Scorpius into Sagittarius, disregarding the fact that the sun travelled through Ophiuchus for 19 days before entering Sagittarius.
(More to read..?: 1 - 2 - 3)

So.. just because the sun travelled through the star for only 19 days, it's okay to forget about the 13th sign? I don't know how I feel about that.
Maybe like the cat in the Chinese zodiac sign. haha! (Kyo-kun ftw!)
This is actually confusing, considering I talk about being a Sag a LOT. But from what I've read.. this.. "Ophi" doesn't sound too different from a Sag, so I should be able to carry on with my life like nothing have happened. (Can I really? haha!)

Ah well.. there's NO WAY I can accept the "actual true zodiac" really. My friends are too much of THEIR sign for me to believe that they're something else. (The Leos are too Leo.. The Aries can be nothing else but Aries.. and don't get me started on the Pisceans! hahaha! They're definitely not Aquas.)

Friday the 13th yesterday.. like ALWAYS, nothing happened! Bad.. good.. what ever. I have no idea why anyone even bother making any fuss about it anymore.
Maybe we should make a fuss over a new date. Tuesday the 24th.. *cue dramatic score*

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day! (still saying it with gritted teeth)
I remembered times when I actually went out on V-Day and feeling perfectly alright to be alone. yeah. Not anymore. I definitely don't want to go out today and actually feel that half of me is absent.
So I'm going to spend the day being bored and wishing for things I can't have or do. I'm going to write letters with a bunch of doodles on it to keep my mind distracted. (hah!)

I've told my mom about my trip. Funny stuff. Right after she asked me for the details, she went on about wanting me to get something for her while I'm there. hahahha! I think I got that fickleness of mind from her ♥ and I must say that I'm liking that trait today.

edited on 10:52 AM.
I just remembered.. I've been so into twitter lately, (twitterhea!) updating mine and responding to others'.. that I had a dream about tweeting! Funny thing was.. in my dream-tweet, I was responding to Boyfie's tweet! HAHAHAHA! As if he'd tweet. hahahahha!

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Oy vey..

Broken English gives me a headache.
Not trying to sound like a snob since my English isn't really that great.. sometimes :P Manglish, I'm fine with (though it's sometimes annoying -- but even I do it sometimes. But seriously.. I was just reading somebody's note; ..blabla was amazed location for..
Awesome. Even the location is amazed by itself.
Okay, maybe I am a snob. (and mean) hahahaha!

I can't help but think about patterns today. (related posts 1 - 2)
I was about to say that I'm over my pattern now, but that'd be a lie. I still like looking at certain type of faces (sigh) and what I have with Boyfie isn't exactly straight-forward is it?
It's been 4 years since I wrote my first entry about patterns and things seem pretty much the same. Now tell me that isn't a pattern.
I don't take the easiest route. I can't take the easiest route.

mm.. I had an odd dream earlier. I was with an acquaintance (I think) and he was speaking in perfect English. I remember being absolutely shocked with that bit. hahahha! Totally unexpected.. and odd.
And pointless to write about. haha!

Moving on.. I wish I sound like Yuna. haha! I think it'd make more sense if people want to listen to me sing when I sound like her. hehe.

Yah.. so.. No Rihanna concert tonight. I shall spend my night being bored then.
/me says with gritted teeth; Happy Valentine's everyone.

Oh bloody h....

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I wish I could stop myself the very second my music player plays Blue October's Hate Me. Yeah.
So.
Damn it!

I went out with Alia last night.
That girl was from her office and came to pick me up at about 11pm. sheesh. She mentioned about sending a cake to a friend and yes hunny, me being me - eagerly said "okay!", assuming that the friend was a girl for what ever reason.
So anyway.. we got there (a piece of roadway that leads to nowhere) and greeted by the sight of bright lights, an ambulance, a police truck, some more cars and a bunch of motorbikes.


duuuude.
We found ourselves at a shooting set where Rudy is driving Alex's car for one scene. I'm not really into cars or showbiz so.. meh! It was impressive the first time I saw the car drift around.. but of course, they had to take the scene again and again for "perfection" so after the third time, all I could say was.. "oookay.. next!"
Didn't happen as I would like it to though. I think they did the same thing a few more times and then stopped -- Rudy walked over to us and said that he'd drove the car 'til the clutch plate was worn out. haha! Alex wasn't too happy about that.

So anyway, the birthday person turned out to be O'an, (or Ohan, as Alia had ordered it to be spelled on the cake/brownie!) Rudy's brother.
Seems like I keep meeting new people these days. It just seem that way though. I don't exactly have their contact numbers or anything. Idris sent me home last night and I never asked for his number! And I've known the guy since high school. hahahaha.

I woke up too early again today. 7+.. seriously.
Got myself out of the house at 10+ and came home at 12+ 'coz I can't think of what else to do outside.
Soo.......
I got my tickets... and I've told my dad...
Guess I'm gonna suck it up.. pack my things next week.. go to Singapore.. and meet the parents. AAAAAAAAAAACKKKK!!
FREAK OUTTTTT!
yeah yeah, sure I'm going there to see Boyfie, but aaaaaccckkkk!!
Freak out!!!!

Oh dear God, I hope I'll be in my best behaviour. Please please.

Oh shoot..

Wordpress is so annoying.
I've tried pretty much every blogging site I came across, and Wordpress is nice, but I HATE custom templates!!! grr..

I'm trying out DOPPLR now. It's like Twitter for travel basically. heh.
I'd like to add my DOPPLR badge here but that would mean that I will have to re-do my template! gah! I probably should since I've been using this for a while, but I'm so uninspired!!

blah. blah blah blah.
blah.
blah!!

Title? No title.

Rihanna's concert is postponed.
grr. Why did she have to have a fight with Chris Brown so close to the concert date anyway? hahaha. Anyway, I was expecting this news after hearing about the fight. bleh.

I saw Debz did the Dating Profile Quiz on her blog, and I was bored.. so I did it and here's my result;

Your dating personality profile: Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile: Outgoing - Shy and timid people are not who you are after. You need someone with a vibrant personality to breathe life into a relationship. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Stylish - You cannot put up with someone who is lacking in style. You want an original, someone with flare, someone with good taste.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Liberal 2. Stylish 3. Big-Hearted 4. Romantic 5. Shy 6. Athletic 7. Intellectual 8. Adventurous 9. Sensual 10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Outgoing 2. Practical 3. Stylish 4. Adventurous 5. Intellectual 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Conservative 8. Sensual 9. Athletic 10. Big-Hearted

I knew it!! I knew that I'm not really attracted to someone who is too similar to me! haha! Although.. I'm not really sure if this result is very accurate. bleh.

Okay now.. According to the Wedding Algorythm on Facebook, I Will Marry In: 1 YEAR AND 9 MONTHS.
errr... that's November 2010?
errr...... Ignore. IGNORE!!

Can you sense that I can't think of what to blog?
There IS news actually.. but but.. I can't bring myself to write about it! gah! I'm.. part excited, part freaking out. Depends on the time of the day really. Sometimes I get numb for a second then I get excited or nervous the next second. eeep!
I've been trying to muster the courage to tell my parents about stuff but I feel like it's too early to say anything!! Which means that THEY'LL have plenty of time to think of a hundred questions to ask me! aaaackkk!
FREAK OOOUUUT!!

I hope I'll be less cryptic the next time I blog. hehe.

Happy Thaipusam!

It was a pretty busy weekend for me and now I am absolutely and completely broke.
Went to the mall.. went to a night market.. went to the beach.. went for a karaoke.. blablablaa.. you can look at the pictures on my Facebook :P

Okay. I'm uninspired. And I'm blogging for the sake of blogging. bleh.
Last words; my sister is annoying.
And I miss you Boyfiieeeee!!!!

One too many guys.

TJ once said that I have too many guys in my life after I told him that I keep being told the things I already know. hehe.
It was an amusing comment.
Got me thinking if it is true.

Perhaps so.
I know Boyfie would agree. hahhaha. Sylly boi.

Well, I just don't think it'd hurt to have as many friends as you can keep. As long as they want the same things as you have to offer and nothing more.. (vice versa)
I think I'm lucky that I'm too absent-minded to see any ulterior motives -- not that there's any. (haha!)

Anything that should come off as "flirting".. I'd honestly just see it as them being silly. (And I'd play along..) So maybe that's why it took me a while to fall in love. haha!

I suppose I do have a bunch of guy friends. But that's all I ever thought of them; entertaining friends. The Jesters in my castle where I'm the Queen and there is only one King.

No offence to readers who happens to be a guy and also my friend; just so you know.. I don't mind being the jester in your castle too :)
That's what I signed up for anyway.

Here I go..

meh. Shut up.. head!
Am I the only one who thinks that Yellowcard - Only One is actually a really sad song?

I've been thinking about what Alia said to me the other day..
She had asked about Boyfie's religion and when I answered, she had this really big hysterical laugh. It was.. surprising. (I don't usually get surprised by my friends even when I acted surprised. oops!) I asked her to explain the laugh and her answer made me smile.. or smirk. (I don't think I was able to decide then.)
I suppose only those who has actually TALKED with me would know.

I'm feeling blue. Don't know why. I am not liking it. Save me..?
I think, lack of sleep always makes me feel blue. bleh.

Something random: I was at the post office earlier. The new RM1 and 50cents stamps were HUUGE!