No news is good news..

Isn't it?

I'm PMSing.
Bloody mood swings (Encem can vouch for that!), I'm feeling sluggish, and my breasts definitely feels fuller. (Can Encem vouch for that too? hmm..)

Honestly I have nothing much to ramble about.
Flights had been uneventful. My legs are ugly again (they were smooth and supple earlier of the month; when I hadn't been flying so much.)
I'd spent the day driving around the Klang Valley with Papa..
Really, nothing much.
Not a single profound thought to share.

It's not even May yet and my account's depleting.
Bestie bought a new phone with his bonus money. And I?
I bought a BED! heehee. Been talking about getting a new bed for yonks, so I better get it now when I'm supposedly can. It should arrive in two weeks time though. Apparently the factory is in Johor.. but I don't mind.
Gives me time to decluttler (that's an understatement!) the room. The room's a mess really. It looks exactly like it was in the middle of a hurricane.

That's it for now.
Catch ya' later alligator!

Highlights of the Week.

1. During my three days trip, one of the stewards confessed to liking Justin Bieber. He claims to be straight. (bahahhaha!!) And then corrected his previous statement to, "liking his songs, not the person himself."

2. I came home one day finding Bestie chilling in front of the telly watching some DVD; then he told Encem to tell me who was on his flight that day. But Bestie ended up being the one who told me that Justin Bieber was on Encem's flight.

3. I went to Jakarta with a pretty friendly steward.. whom was pretty much hit by the Bieber-Fever because he kept singing to his songs even though he didn't know all the words.
We were both looking at the papers at one point and he showed me the picture of the girls that waited for Bieber at the airport. Of course he was a no-show; he got onto Encem's flight.. to Langkawi!

4. Bieber performed in KL the night I was in Jakarta.

5. On the way to the Soekarno-Hatta airport, I saw a man pooping by the ditch with a ciggy in one hand and a magazine in the other. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

6. A friend in my BBM-list updated his status to, "Justin Bieber dalam flight aku, KAUHADO??"

7. There was a big crowd outside the aircraft we were taking over..
Oh, guess who was on THAT flight from KL?
BIEBER, of course!

8. Oh, Selena Gomez was by his side.

9. PAYDAYY!!! On the 22nd! My balance no longer says RM48.52! Wooot~!

10. Came home and found that my Soft Cover Moleskine has arrived! Yayyzz!!

And now I just hope that Encem won't get called up so we get to spend our well-earned money later..

Current obsession: Talking To The Moon by Bruno Mars

Apa nama kau eh?

Lagi sekali aku lupa nama orang.. (Tech crew lagi la pulak kan, nampak sangat tak penting! Bahahahha!)
Jumpa kat smoking lounge, skali dia paxing flight aku.. Nasib baiklah ada Passenger Information List! kikikki..
Pastu disebabkan aku sorang stewardess pompuan dalam flight, leading aku maintain aku keje depan untuk trip kali ni.. Dan disebabkan member kan, (walaupun tak ingat nama asalnya) aku pun bilang la sama si FO untuk tak payah mengada nak makan dalam aircraft sedangkan dah janji nak keluar makan sama kat Kuching..
Muahahaha!! Aku memang buat suka hati aku..

Sang Hanjeng agak behave dalam trip ni. Dia maseh tak boleh nak cakap ngan orang elok elok. Haritu dia dengan leading cerita pasal bebudak yang baru join. Aku mengaku, ada cerita diorang yang aku tumpang gelak.. Tapi aku lagi banyak malu sebenarnye. Aku tak suka nak dengar. Pastu Sang Hanjeng boleh lak mention kat leading (aku pun ada la sekali time tu) yang kitorang penah gaduh dulu, tapi AKU dah OKAY "kot"..
1. Aku maseh aku.. Kau maseh hanjeng.
2. Perlu ke kau cerita kat leading?? Kaki repot kan kau? Pastu kau nak komplen kat orang bila ada budak 'take note' nama kau.. Kalau kau tak suka orang bercerita pasal kau, kau pun sila lah shaddap!
3. "Okay" kau kata.. Ahaa.. Itu sebab kau keje kat belakang, aku kat depan.. Kalau hari hari keje sama, aku tak konfiden yang kau akan kata aku "okay".
Btw, BC1.. Everyday kau tak spray cabin ye. And bila aku tolong spray, ada kau kata "thank you"?? Courtesy my ass la hanj!
Muka kau sampai ke tua aku tak lupa kot.. Rasa nak baling barang je.

Moving on, tadi bebudak ni sebok nak suruh aku lepak lama lama. Sungguh aku tak suka nak duduk buat bodo while orang lain minum. Kalau gi club, aku tak menari.. Nak borak, bising! So apa aktiviti aku? Merokok lah sampai dada nak pecah, thanks!
Aku tak suka bila orang pelawa melepak, diorang akan respon, "kenape, takut boyfren tau ke?" Ataupun, "tak boleh keluar ke? Nanti kena marah ye.." APAKAH??

Or bila aku bagitau orang team bola aku, diorang akan tanya, "kenape? Ikut boyfren eh?" WTH?!! Kalau aku ikut boyfren aku, dia sokong Chelsea hokey.. YUCK!!
Tolonglah lelaki sekalian.. Tak terlintas ke kat kepala korang yang bila perempuan cakap sesuatu, diorang memang maksudkan apa yang diorang cakap??

Bila aku taknak keluar ngan korang, maknanye aku tak suka nak melepak ngan korang. Kang aku cakap terang terang kang.. Cuba la lepak gaya sehat sikit, mau la aku ikut.
And aku sokong Man United since 1996 ye.. Time aku tak penah ada boyfren, time aku tak pandai flirt, time budak laki takut ngan aku sebab aku garang, time aku kuar umah pakai cap, tak ada skirt dalam almari, time Beckham rambut pendek dan maseh rupa budak baik.

Dah ramai orang aku jumpa, semua laki pusing pusing sama je.. "Janganla marah.." @*#&%
Semua laki kecuali Encem.. (Sama je actually, tapi aku nak buat sedap hati sendiri sikit.) Itu lagi satu hal lak, tiga hari trip, hanta dua je text, call sekali tak sampai seminit. Bongok!

Roster bulan depan dah kuar.. Whee! Bulan depan start ada nightstop kat Manila.. And.. aku ada Manila!!! Yayyy!! Finally, someplace new to see! Excited! heehee

Okaylah, nak tido. Tadi dah ready nak tido skali roster kuar lak. Aisyy..
Gudnite!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Annual Ritual.

Haritu memang harapan lah aku nak gi jogging kan..
Bestie pun tak bangun agaknya..

Anyway, weekend lepas memang weekend yang best untuk aku. Entah lah.. rasa macam dah lama kot aku tak rasa "puas".. contented with life, walaupun untuk sekejap.
Sabtu aku spend dengan kawan kawan rapat aku.. Ahad lak aku ber-ritual ngan Dida, and siap singgah umah Kina kat Seremban lagi. Quality time with my favourite people. *Like*

Oh, ritual yang aku maksudkan ialah pegi tengok F1..
Boleh kata every year jugak la kitorang pegi. Tahun yang kitorang tak pergi adalah tahun Dida kat Europe.. or kitorang dua dua kat Europe. Ada lagi satu kot yang kitorang tak pegi tapi aku tak ingat kenapa.

ps: kalau korang pegi F1 bila bila.. makan/minum kat situ bapak mahal! So make sure korang dah makan dan minum sebelum masuk, diorang akan check bag. Tapi bila race dah habis, haa.. berbelanja lah puas puas! Gambar CBTL Ready To Drink tu; kitorang beli dengan harga "two for 5 Ringgit!" Bapak murah!

Seminggu aku tak update blog rupanye..
Tak ada masa. Roster tengah packed. Lepas weekend lepas aku ada 3-days trip, pastu single nightstop. Ni lepas weekend ni pun sama; 3-days trip then single nightstop. Paling best, aku tengok master roster pastu find out yang trip kali ni aku akan fly ngan Sang Hanjeng. Jadi rakan rakan, tolonglah doakan kesihatan dan keselamatan aku untuk hari Isnin sampai Rabu ni ye. Aku sangat sangat hargai/perlukannya.

Aku bukan apa, aku ni jenis kalau orang carik pasal ngan aku, aku carik pasal balik. Orang treat aku baik, aku baiklah ngan dia. Orang treat aku kurang ajar, patut ke aku nak treat baik?? Tak kan? Gila kau!
Memanjang la aku silent review gamaknye.
Aku tak macam si Kera yang boleh marah diam diam.. Bila berdepan dengan orang tu, dia boleh berlakon mesra. Dia lagi sesuai jadi cabin crew actually. Aku ni terlalu beremosi.

Anyway, dalam seminggu ni banyak menda kot jadi.
Haritu aku komplen dah lama tak tersempak ngan Mami time nightstop; bulan ni sampai dua kali aku jumpa dia kat Kuching! *Like!*

And Rabu lepas, genaplah dua tahun aku join kompeni.. Bond dah habes! yayy! Lepas ni kalau aku nak carik keje lain, aku tak kene baya pape..
Dida haritu suruh aku try kompeni lain, aku tak tau nak cakap apa.. Actually, logically memang aku patut try tukar angin. Fakta fakta depan mata menunjukkan bahawa tak salah untuk aku tukar angin..
Tapi entah lah.. Aku tak boleh nak pegi mana mana tanpa rasa macam aku sebenarnya melarikan diri and buat masa ni, memang aku tak rasa nak lari kemana mana.. err.. Make sense ke?

Moleskine dah kuar products baru lak dah.. Tertekan aku. Gaji masuk lagi 9 hari, duit dalam bank tinggal RM 100! Selalunya aku tak ada laa boros macam ni. Gara gara tukar specs/contacts baru la nih.. Memang ler aku sendiri ada belanja kat benda yang aku tak perlu beli, tapi sebab specs and contacts, gedebushh RM 300..
Apa lagi aku beli bulan ni eh?

Okay lah, aku tak tau dah apa nak update kat korang. Dah laa entah kenapa rasa mengantuuk je ni. Maybe sebab sepanjang harini hujan/mendung kot! So dah alang alang, baik aku tido je terus kan? Kalau tak, tak sudah aku komplen pasal takleh tido..

Mumu tunang!

Aku rasa kitorang yang pergi tunang si Mumu macam.. err.. konfius kot. Aku honestly asyik kena ingatkan diri sendiri yang "Mumu tunang.. Mumu tunang.. Mumu tunang.." sebab kalau tak, aku automatic terfikir Mumu kawen!! hahahahha!
Ye lah kan, biase orang tunang mana ada jemput kawan.. Or even pasang khemah depan rumah.. Kan? Aku pun tak ingat lah cemana Kina tunang dulu.
Tapi aku agak pasti time Kina tunang tak ada "ala-ala pelamin"! Sebab kat umah Mumu tadi ada "ala-ala pelamin"! hahaha! Aku panggil "ala-ala pelamin" sebab dia memang pelamin.. tapi pelamin for one, boleh? Macam boleh je bersanding kat situ tapi sorang je lah! kikkiki!
Sungguh aku asyik konfius tadi.

Congrats Mumu! Dah one step closer jadi.. err.. Jadi apa eh?
Tak aci nih.. Mumu kenal bakal laki dia lagi lambat dari aku kenal Encem tapi dia dah tunang dulu.. hmmm.. Jeles ke mek? *tanya diri sendiri*
Sikit kot.. Sikiiiit je.. Sebabnya, aku suka cincin! Nak cincin pliss!! HAHAHAHAHHA! Dalam banyak banyak aksesori pompuan, aku memang suka cincin kot.

Anyway, tadi kitorang konvoi berenam. Aku suka bila dapat can melepak ngan kengkawan rapat aku from training. Sempat nak debate ngan si Adi lagi..
Bestie suka cakap aku Ted Mosby sekarang. Ted Mosby; character from How I Met Your Mother. Kalau korang tak tahu, aku ni jenis suka betulkan grammar orang. Sorry kawan kawan; kalau kau Superman and kau ternampak kawan kau nak kena langgar ngan lori, korang mesti lah akan try selamatkan, kannn?? hahahha!
Kalau aku dah tau, tak ke lebih afdhal kalau aku tolong betulkan? Aku rasa responsible kot.. aku tak tau cemana nak explain. Aku tau annoying bila ada orang betulkan grammar kau, tapi aku rasa lagi teruk kalau aku biarkan..
Tapi disebabkan aku asyik dipanggil Ted Mosby, (Luqqy pun ada mention kot aritu..) aku akan cuba untuk abaikan bad grammar korang semua. WAHHAHAHAHHA!!
I am such a snooty, deal with it!

Melepak kat umah Mumu tadi tak lama kot. Duduk, lepak, makan, amek gamba, salam parents Mumu.. (Mumu.. awak cerita apa kat ayah awak? Cemana dia tau nama sayaa??) pastu dah.. kitorang (except Adi) pegi jalan kat Pyramid pulak. End up melepak kat Starbucks sampai dekat pukul sebelas! Gilo!
Lama gila kitorang lepak borak tadi! Borak pasal apa, aku pon tak tau lah.. Cepat je masa berjalan.

#crewlife!
Haritu aku buat flight MLE keje kat depan.. Passenger profile: CINA MAINLAND!!
aiyakk!! Longgar lutut aku bila berdepan dengan satu group diorang ni. Nak landing baru nak mintak teh. chet! Aku pulak automatic la explain dah nak landing, so aku takleh buatkan air untuk dia.. kalau nak air mineral aku kasi la..
--"HUHH?"
Adohaiii....
Ulang lah balek explanation yang panjang lebar kat dia.. benefit of a doubt lah, maybe aku cakap laju sangat kooot.. or maybe dia kurang dengar apa aku cakap, so kali ni aku tunduk lebih sikit bila cakap kat dia..
--"OK water water.."

Honestly aku tak tau mana lagi teruk; orang tak paham bahasa ataupun orang perasan terer.. (I-yem-a-lawyerr!)
Ada aku kesah kau lawyer ke doktor?
Kalau kau hebat, kenapa kau tak terbangkan kapal sendiri? wekkk!
Tengok macam John Travolta.. aku rasa dia tak perlu pun cakap kat orang "I'm an actor!" tapi rilek je ada kapal terbang kat belakang umah.

Okay, aku dah menyimpang.
Nak kene tido dalam masa terdekat nih. Kononnye nak jogging pagi nanti -- kalau ikut plan, dalam masa dua jam je lagi! kikikiki!

To be in your plan..

Never lose sight of your dreams, because your dreams will be the goals that shape your life, the taste and the smell that that makes you want to get up and discover each new morning.
Soon you'll encounter love.. When the time comes, share that with someone who will love you, too. When you share a dream -- that's when it flowers. Solitude is a garden where the flowers have no scent, and the spirit withers.
Love is wonderful. Remember, you have to give to receive; and you have to be true to yourself if you are to love someone truly.

Just Like Heaven, Mark Levy

I saw the movie when it came out.
Only recently had I finally read the book.
It feels.. a bit odd. The book and the film are very different from one another! I suppose the adaptation was easier than trying to film the book verbatim. The movie was also.. lighter, than the actual words.

Off days..
Seems like I've been catching up on my reads lately. So much so that I had to get out and get a new book last Monday -- yet another Paulo Coelho. I think I've decided to get all of his books. Just before picking up Just Like Heaven, I was reading Cecelia Ahern's The Book Of Tomorrow. I didn't like it. I mean, it wasn't bad.. Just that I felt nothing for it. It didn't make me cry.. I have nothing to quote from it.. It's just wasn't as special as her previous works..
That's what I think anyway. You should go pick up that book and read it yourself.

Encem is away again. So all I've been doing is laze, read a book, watch some DVDs.. I'm hating it.
I was watching Blue Valentine and I couldn't help but feel so confused over it. I really can't figure out what went wrong between the two main characters. I can't figure out how two people that loves each other can be so wrong sometimes.

Anyway, my mind is so jumbled up right now.
Suppose I could try and sleep it off..

My favourite Sengals.

Some time ago, in my earlier days in the airline, I had the privilege of flying with two seniors. We did a four-days trip, and I have to say it was the most memorable trip I've had.

Usually when flying with seniors, you can't help but feel a bit reserved.. Knowing that you'll be judged by the way you work.. behave..
But I was blessed.. Those two seniors were serious CLOWNS!

The supervisor had maintained the senior steward in the galley as he was the only steward in flight, but on the last day, these two seniors pushed me to become the galley steward so I could learn; assuring me that they'll teach me along the way..

So anyway, today my supervisor assigned me as galley steward. I was the most junior of the set. I was nervous as heck. I don't get to be the galley steward that often despite flying for almost two years, honestly. I was really nervous. I'd hate to screw up!

But I turned out quite alright.. I think!
And what's awesome, as we exited the aircraft once we arrived in KUL, I bumped into both of those two seniors that had taught me so much some time ago..
It feels like it's a good morning!
And last night I had spent the night in KCH with Mummy and Max!

Good days..
I love good days..
Anyway, currently I'm in transit, going to do LGK after this.. and I feel blessed. I really love days like these..

Have a good week, dear readers!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

-----

Tak lebih sejam lepas aku post entry ni, aku tersedar aku tertinggal toolkit aku kat aircraft masa first sector. Memang cibai! Sungguh benda paling tak best pasal buat aircraft kecik ni; banyak sector, asyik tukar kapal! So kau memang bound to leave things behind. Aku lak time dah sampai tu sebok nak tukar kasut, kuar isap rokok, langsung lupa toolkit kat side compartment!! grrr
So nampaknye dalam blesses blessed aku ni, sebenarnya you simply win some and you lose some. Best satu part, hanjeng part satu lagi. Benci!

Toolkit aku dahlaa best weii! Gloves, tongs aku cantekk! Ada ice scoop lagi, siap ada torchlight Mama kasi kat aku. aghhhhh!! Memang aku tertekan!
Second time dah ni aku tertinggal toolkit. Third time hilang gloves. Syaitann!!!

Withdrawal.

This happens to me all the time.
After spending so many days/nights with Encem that my whole being is so full of him.. When he has to leave, when he's off to a trip, when he has to work, when reality hits.. It hits hard.
I hate it when he leaves..

He's my choice of drug, and now that he's gone I'm going through withdrawal..
Life goes on with or without him, but I'm usually more restless without him. I hate it. I hate that my thoughts are so full of him!
Like now, I'm wondering if he's eaten.. Wondering how his flight was, if he did anything mischievous in-flight. If something funny happened to him all the while.
I know you guys would get a kick from his stories had he blogged. He always has something amusing to tell about everything. Bloody Gemini..

Sometimes I'm glad that he has more guy friends than girls. Hahahaha!! (Or maybe he just never tells me about them? Ughh!) I am glad that he's not himself while at work. Sometimes I wonder why he hasn't got any girls falling all over his feet.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't tell me everything. I really hate that. I hate that he's not all that he seems. Of course, that could possibly be the reason why I'm still so much into him. Apparently it's one of his tricks in keeping my interest, so I won't be bored -- he said so himself.
But still! It annoys.. and scares me a heck lot sometimes!

Anyway, I miss him.
But instead of writing him a note/letter telling him that, I decided to blog about it. I hate how he'd never reply to my little notes, furthermore seeing my notes lying around on the floor like litter. Ughh! I hate that the most!
So I'm sorry dear readers for putting you through my pathetic rants about my perfectly flawed boyfriend.

Ooh he just texted!!!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Planned shopping.

Okay, I shall warn you that this is a blabla entry.
I feel like I should write it down somewhere but I don't feel like picking up a pen.

So apparently I love to shop. But I wouldn't consider myself as a shopaholic. Mostly because I usually window-shop.. compare prices (because the things I'm usually interested at are pretty expensive!) and only days, weeks, months later will I finally get the things that I've been eyeing on.
The only things that I won't require any thought when buying would be clothes. And bras and panties. hahahaha!

Then of course I usually have my reasons to buy the things that I buy.
For instance; the Starbucks tumbler that I bought a few months back. It was unnecessary.. expensive.. but I thought; I ALWAYS spend my free time at coffee shops.. and if you bring your own tumbler to Starbucks, they will deduct RM2 from the price of your drink!
So come to think of it.. in about sixty more drinks, I will save RM2 on my future drinks! HAH! Eat that!

(Of course, we are assuming that I will always remember to bring my tumbler.. And assuming that I only drink at Starbucks. But the fact is that I mostly hang out at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. sigh. I saw a tumbler that I liked there the other day. But I stopped myself from getting it since I already have the one by Starbucks. Plus, CBTL doesn't have that "RM2 off if you bring your own tumbler" thing.)
See, sometimes I make rational decisions.
But I do like that CBTL tumbler..
And my CBTL mug is starting to crack..
Perhaps I should get some mugs instead?

Did you know that I once thought of becoming a barista?
Oh but that would be another story for another day...

Do you know that I'm obsessed with Moleskine products?
Started in 2006 while I was part-timing in Kinokuniya. I worked at the stationeries department and customers; foreign ones, would come to me and ask if we had any "mole skin notebooks". Of course at the time I had never heard of a notebook that was made out of mole skin. Sounded rare and expensive. I mean, who would've thought of using moles' skin?? I wondered how WWF was okay with it.

Then I went to Europe.. went into a bookstore and saw them for the first time;
MOLESKINE.
Aaaaah.. so it's a BRAND after all! Dumdumb! I perused one, and decided to get it -- a Plain Large Hardcover. (Of course I'll get a plain one!) Before I left Europe I bought another for stock.. in case I couldn't find one back home.
Of course, by the next time I went to Kinokuniya it was there.. only instead of being by the stationeries, it was upstairs with the arts and design books! Too classy to be with the Japanese notebooks maybe..? hahaha!
But if you go to Kinokuniya these days, I think you'll find Moleskine notebooks by the gift books. At least that's where I found them the last I was there.
(By the way, I've always LOVED notebooks. I have plenty, and most of them are unused! hahahhaha! Talk about unnecessary. Ana bought me a pretty flowery notebook for my birthday once. And Encem bought me a red Moleskine during the earlier months we're together.)

And now back to the shopping topic.
At present I have SIX Moleskines. Two I got from Europe; the one I got from Rotterdam is absolutely old, stained and almost historical with it's rubber band all loose now. The one from Frankfurt is perfectly wrapped in its plastic with the price tag still attached; €13.99 yikes!
Then there's the red one that I mentioned earlier..
A special edition Discovery Channel 2010 journal that Mama gave me; somebody gave it to her boss which then gave to her and then finally got to me whom she knows LOVES to write/doodle/Moleskine. The journal was Ruled though, but what the heck.. A Moleskine is still a Moleskine!
Then I got the Book Journal from the Passions series (I also got Encem the Music Journal at the same time) which I have been putting aside for a while.
And recently I bought the 2011 Calendar which is to me.. ABSOLUTELY unnecessary but I had to have it anyway! hahahahah! I'm terrible like that.

Then a few days ago Kina asked my opinion on Moleskine prices because she's getting the new Baby Journal. So now, my Travel Journal is also on its way with Kina's new buy from Amazon. aaah..

I know since I got my Maybank debit card, I probably spend a lot more. Previously I wouldn't have any chance to buy things online but now it's just too easy!
So I've been thinking of getting the Moleskine Folio Sketchbook A4 or Watercolor A4. I wanted a photo album but I've never been the straight type of person that believes only photo albums should hold photos. (Just like why most of my notebooks are plain and not ruled. The lines makes me not want to doodle.)

But, I've got these.. images in my head on how I wanted the "album" to look like and for that to happen, I gotta have that Polaroid PoGo that I've been thinking about for MONTHS! I still can't afford it. I mean, I CAN, but I won't be all too giddy if I get it. I would worry too much about my savings instead.
And I want to go on more holidays..
I also want to get a new mattress and a bed.. (which I've been wanting since last year!)
And I should finally get my driving license! (Yes folks, I cannot drive!)
My priorities are all jumbled up now.
I spend about 1k on monthly commitments; that's rent, insurance and school loans for school that I did not finish! Wastage, I tell you.

Let me tell you this, being a crew.. you don't make as much money as you thought it would. Not that I joined to make money, but I'm just saying. Funny that I never thought of money or the "glamour" when I joined. I know some people thought of those when they think about cabin crew. Some even join to meet wealthy men or in hopes of marrying the tech crew! Crazy.

So! Planned shopping..
Before I get any more Moleskine, I better get my camera first. Before that happens, I better feel safe with my current savings. For that to happen, I really shouldn't spend any more money at LaSenza -- I think I have enough bras, panties and jammies at the time being. I also have enough shoes; I've replaced my "night-stop" shoes last month (pumps from Charles and Keith), bought a pair of flip-flops for AU$10 while I was at Surfer's Paradise HRC (which I thought was a bargain!) because I only have one other flip-flops that I had since 2006, and that Puma sneakers that I bought two days ago because I envied Encem for buying one. That was unnecessary. Really unnecessary.
No More Unnecessary Spending!!! RAWRR!
Also, no more bags! (Yes, I also bought a new sling bag two days ago.. after thinking about it for a week. So, no regrets there! But still.. no more bags!) Unless one of my handbags caught on fire in some freakish accident or something. hahahha!

Enough blabla..
I'm too tired of writing this to proof-read it. Sorry if I'd used bad grammar at some point. Or if there are typos. Perhaps I'll proof-read it tomorrow.

By the way, if you've never seen a Moleskine before, head to MoleskineAsia.com.

It's a holi-holiday!

Hullo!! It's been a while..
I've got to say that not writing/updating this blog for this long hasn't been easy for me. Even while I was on holiday, I felt the urge to post some sort of entry with my phone. sigh.. But if I actually did, I think it'd defeat the true purpose of my holiday..
Hence, to stop myself from constantly telling you what I was doing, I'd usually left my phone at the chalet.. (Who says I can't live without my phone?)

CHAPTER ONE
Choppy waters.

KL - Kota Besut;
8 FRIGGIN' HOURS!!
I think I have been to Kelantan/Terengganu before, but I guess it never really registered to my brain on how long the journey took since my family and I would usually have pit-stops.. Food, gas, piss, sightsee..
But because Kera's friend was LATE, we had to stay in the car for most part of the journey! I was really moody.. (for other reasons as well, but I'm not going to write about it here..) Then again, I'm also a brat so there really need not be other reasons for me to be moody. heh.

We got to the jetty at almost seven.. the last boat had went out hours ago! But luckily there happened to be an extra boat and we managed to get on that.
The ride.. was MURDER!
I swear my kidneys relocated itself by the time we got to the island.

CHAPTER TWO
Starlit dinner.

My mood picked up by the next day.
The holiday mood finally kicked in. I suppose I should thank Kera for it. I don't know.. It had felt like we finally got some quality time together.
We had dinner by the beach with his friend, had good conversations, and just sat out by the beach looking at the stars. I even managed a glimpse at a shooting star! Just my kind of night, I guess.

I really loved that.

CHAPTER THREE
To the beach!

Funnily, I only got into the water on our third day there..
The weather was good. We fell asleep at a lazy chair by the beach after breakfast. The waters were scary actually. Pretty and clear, but scary. The locals said that it should have been calm by this time of the year but maybe the Earth is just so unstable these days that the weather seems to change.
I thought it was funny seeing the locals surf. I just can't seem to relate surfing as a sport in Malaysia somehow..

Anyway, I got what I looked for from this holiday.
Some relaxation, quality time with the boyfriend.. a slight tan.. haha!
And yeah, some pictures of me jumping by the beach. Aku memang suka lompat lompat macam kanak kanak girang.

I had actually thought of doing a complete rundown of my days in Perhentian but you know what? I'm lazy! hahahahha. I wish I was still on the island.
But the fact is, we went home on Monday (Mahligai bus from Kota Besut to Putra Station, KL; departs at 8+pm.. arrives at 6am on the Tuesday!) got a few hours of shuteye, went to Midvalley to do some (unnecessary) shopping, bumped into Adi and Irina, met up with Bestie and Crystal to watch Battle L.A, and went to work on the Wednesday.
Yesterday.
I was in paradise one day, and back to work the next. gahh!

MUST - GET - MORE - TIME - OFF!!

Blablablah

The more I tell people that I'm not from Sarawak, the more I spend my time there. Next month's roster is out (early!) and I'll be spending FOUR nights in Kuching!
For the first time since my conversion, I wasn't rostered to any Airbus flights; unless you count the one I'll be dead-heading to -- Kuching!

Anyway, I am currently inside the commuter train heading to Kina's office. I honestly can't remember when was the last time I had to ride this damn slow train. Let's just say that at this moment I am thankful for my Blackberry. Without it I will just have to entertain myself in some other way.

I could probably dance around in this coach. Listening to The Strokes just makes me want to move somehow. O yeah, I listen to The Strokes. Not exactly a big fan, but Encem is. I suppose if he isn't I would've only known the band's existence but never really listen to them.

So how have I been spending my off days? Err.. I spent the most of yesterday sleeping. Didn't even shower the whole day, it was AWESOME! Hahahaha! But I needed to get some things done so that's why I'm in the commuter right now. But I like mixing business with pleasure, hence; errands with the bank then lunch with Kina! yayy!

Two more stops..
I wish I am confident enough to actually dance around in this coach. Bahahaha! But all I do is tap my foot, and move my head to the beats a bit. hmm.. Not that I care if people think that I'm crazy, but I myself would be pretty annoyed if I see someone jigs around in the small coach.
Oh well.. *moves head with the beats*

Tomorrow Encem will be back from his five days trip! yayyyz! It'll be a full week since we last saw each other.. sigh.
I miss my monkey!

Have a good week everyone!

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Pulang dari keje..

Alamak.. Saloma cerita pasal time dia interview laa..
Terasa nak join sekali. Boleh?

Okay, kalau korang nak tahu.. aku gi interview dua kali actually.
Sekali tu.. aku ala ala pegi tanpa pengetahuan orang tua aku. So mungkin tak berkat la kan, tu yang tak dapat tu. Or mungkin jugek sebab aku selamba je pegi dengan pakai spek. hahahha! Aku memang suka hati.
Bila interviewer tanya kenapa aku tak datang pakai contacts, aku dengan senyum mesra jawab, "oh, it's a luxury I can't afford at the moment" hahaha! Almaklumlah, aku ni kan menganggur manjang time tu.

Tapi dalam comot comot tu, aku sampai gak la final stage.
Tapi first time interview tu, semua benda dalam satu weekend. Ada empat stage; empat empat stage hari Sabtu dan Ahad tu. Letih tau. Ramai orang! Kau kena tunggu turn bagai..
So by the time fourth stage, memang aku dah tak ada mood nak bercakap. Honestly, aku tengok muka interviewer tu pun buat aku letih. Mana tak nye, langsung tak mesra! MH my ass!

So bila aku dapat email seminggu lepas tu kata aku tak dapat, aku tak ada laa terkejut sangat. Memang fourth stage tu sangat hampehh. Expectable, tapi aku still kecewa. Ade laa macam tak hingin dah try jadi cabin crew. Kalau aku kena reject awal awal lagi, aku senang sikit nak terima. Ni dah sampai final koot.. hmmph!

Anyway, beberapa bulan lepas tu keluar iklan lagi. Time tu aku dah merajuk dah, tapi satu famili aku suruh try lagi. So.. berkat? hihi.
Kali ni interview dia lain sikit. Masa aku datang pagi tu, nampak semua pompuaaan je. Rupanya hari Sabtu tu memang dia interview pompuan saja, laki kena datang hari Ahad.

First stage, sesi suai kenal. Ada tiga orang kompeni, dan enam orang hopefuls. Time ni dia just suruh kau cerita pasal diri kau. Aku cerita benda biasa je la.. asal mana, hobi.. Pastu kebetulan la kan, interviewer sorang hanta anak dia kat skolah Section 9 Shah Alam. Aku pun, alamak! Section 2 ngan Section 9 dulu enemies! Biase la kan, bila ada game bola ke apa.. study-wise pun. Aku pot pet pot pet je la ntah hape merepek time tu. Bila tanya hobi lak aku cerita pasal blogging. Maybe nasib jugak kot, interviewer yang sama tanya aku pasal cemana nak set up blog.
End up memang aku sorang je yang banyak bercakap time tu..
And aku sorang je lepas pegi next stage.. Part tu aku tak seronok sangat sebab kesian kat lagi lima orang tu. Yang sorang tu pun actually sampai final stage gak last time dia pegi interview..

Second stage ni cam memain je.
Dia tak tanya pape sebab ini tang grooming. Dia ukur tinggi, berat.. Suruh angkat seluar kau sikit, lipat lengan baju sikit.. carik scar la.. tattoo ke..
Pastu dia suh balik.. Dia akan contact untuk next stage.

So aku pun balik lah.. tunggu dan tunggu.. Rasa cam, betul ke diorang nak call ni?
Sebabnye, time aku ni, kitorang tunggu dalam sebulan before the next stage! Bapak lama hokeyy..
So almost sebulan tu diorang call, suh datang hari Sabtu kat akademi lagi..
Kali ni ada laki (yayy!) hahahha. Aku datang awal time tu so awal awal lagi nama aku dah kena panggil.

Stage ketiga ni aku tak ingat sangat cemana. (cik Amyan ingat tak?) Masuk berenam kot. Before kitorang masuk, ada laa sorang mamat ni, Fariq.. mesra gila! Memang GILA tak hengat!! Buat lawak merepek apa ntah.. kitorang siap diskas lagi, nanti masuk kalau dia tanya suh bincangkan something, kita cerita pasal makanan..
Sekali kitorang masuk, dia suh cakap pasal road bullies.. Ada la yang cakap memang road bullies ni memang tak elok, suka carik pasal.. Aku lak dengan selamba cakap kadang kadang orang driving cam haram, buat orang nak jadi road bully! Aku ingat time ni cik Amyan agree ngan aku. hahahaha!

Pastu dia tanya pasal talent lak. Time ni aku merepek pasal writing. Tiga orang kata menari. Yang sorang menari square dance, sorang kata belly dance tapi dia taknak demo, yang sorang ni nari.. macam.. gay sangat kot! HAHAHAHHA! Aku tak ingat Amyan ngan Fariq kata apa. (Korang cakap ape eh?)
So yang lepas empat orang; square dance, Fariq, Amyan, aku.

Last stage, sesi paling mendebarkan.
Aku dah emo time tu sebab teringat last time. Tapi sebab si Fariq ni ada.. so aku tenang sikit kot. Last stage ni masuk lima orang, so ada laa sorang amoi ni join group kitorang.
Lama kitorang tunggu nak masuk bilik tu. Kitorang patut masuk bilik A, tapi sekali dapat tau dalam bilik A orang besar kompeni. Fariq dah kecut dah. Rupenye si Fariq dah pegi interview LIMA kali.. so entah cemana, kitorang boleh lak swap bilik pegi yang lagi satu. Time ni aku rasa kurang sedap hati.. rasa macam cheat fate lak. Tapi aku ikut kata majority; semua nak swap bilik.

Sekali bila masuk bilik interview ni, aku rasa tenang hati. Dua orang interviewer ni senyuum je. Manis. Sorang laki, sorang pompuan.. yang pompuan ni sebenanye ketua akademi lah kira. Orang besa jugek actually.
First thing dia tanya, nama each other. Dia suh kitorang sebut nama orang lain dalam group tu. Kitorang pass with flying colours lah! Dah sah sah berborak sepanjang tunggu. Yang pompuan tu dah impressed dah, sebab dia kata group sebelum kitorang tak tau pun nama each other. hehe.

Kali ni dia kasi situation and kitorang kena jawab sorang sorang.. Kelakar la part ni. Sebab Fariq kena soal; katakan ada lelaki raba dia, apa dia buat. Fariq kata dia akan senyum saja. Of course la kitorang tergelak kan! Macam suka lak kena raba, hisy! Aku tak ingat apa situation aku dapat, yang aku tau aku main tibai je konon aku reti nak handle.

Anyway, seminggu dua lepas tu dapat call untuk pegi bonding briefing dan medical check-up. Memang satu group aku lepas.
Tapi disebabkan pengukur ketinggian kat medical centre tu bengong, cik Amyan tersangkut dan tak join training..

Fariq sebok call HR so dia dapat masuk batch 06/09.
Aku, Fabian (square dance) ngan amoi May masuk batch 09/09.
Tapi kitorang end up graduate sama sama..
Sebab tu lah aku pesan, kalau betul betul nak keje ni, jangan malu jangan segan.. Kalau kau jenis tak berani nak start bersuara buat kawan pun, kau kena la rajen senyum so orang yang rajin bersuara buat kawan ni mau berkawan ngan korang.

Kurusnye rupa aku dua tahun lepas. isyk.
Anyway, aku balek dari Brisbane ni tak tido lagi. Otak aku macam tengah shutdown sikit sikit. Agenda utama aku tadi sampai rumah adalah: BERAK. Aku tak paham betul toilet omputeh ni takde bidet. Puas ke main salat salat je? ewww!

Sepanjang trip lak satu set aku tanya aku from Sarawak ke. Tak sudah sudah! SUNGGUH aku tak ada related dengan orang Borneo ataupun darah Cina!
Pastu paling best, ada orang kat Brisbane tanya aku arah.. WAH! Rupa local kah saya?? hahahahha!

Bila fikir balek pasal time aku join.. Aku terasa sangat macam Tuhan memang dah ada plan untuk aku. Kalau lah aku start training awal, aku takde dalam batch 09/09. Or kalau lah aku degil sangat and tak pegi interview untuk kali kedua. Aku tak dapat study safety kat Cherating ngan batchmate aku. (iye, kitorang memang sempoi!)
Aku takkan ada Mummy dan Bestie.. dan aku tak berkawan pun dengan Encem.

Semua orang ada path masing masing kan?

Lepas ni aku cuti tiga hari sebelum buat flight four sector yang ntah pape. Aku nak balek Shah Alam!! Mau tuntut duit sama si Chacha. Banyak sangat beli barang kat Brisbane.. saya sengkekk!! Cemana mau pegi bercuti nihhh??

Subway and Iced Lemon Tea.

Brisbane.
Eight hours flight.
Eight hours fifteen last night, though. Headwind probably, I don't know. It was a one heck of a tiring flight. I made a mistake with one of the special-meals, but fortunately my supervisor didn't JUST blame me as the passenger hadn't said anything himself. pshh!!

Idiot guy. He ate his mother's special-meal and wanted to blame me for it. I wouldn't have handed the damn box to him if they hadn't switch seats! Grrr..
Anyway, I'm really glad that my supervisor wasn't angry at me. I've never -- NEVER made a mistake with the special-meals before! So yeah, I was irked by this.

Oh well.. That was yesterday.
I had a good day today. My colleague and I went to the Gold Coast earlier. Took the train, and boy it was a long ride!
I shopped a lot today. I don't know.. There really isn't anything in Australia that you can't find back home (except maybe Woolworths!) but I'm always able to find something to buy over here! ughh!
Monokini.. Dresses.. HRC pin.. (whee!)

I talked to a bunch of strangers today. Pretty odd considering that I am not the kind who usually initiates conversations. There's the woman on the train who was into crystals for meditations..
The Brazilian shopgirl that keeps making me try out some clothes -- that I eventually bought!
And there's Jose.. The Puerto Rican cashier at Surfer's Paradise Hard Rock Cafe. I really liked him. He's really nice to chat with.

My colleague thought that he looked scary; his body was full of tattoos, but really.. He's quite soft spoken, and the things he talked about was just my kind of topics! I kinda hope that there is a way we could stay in touch. I don't know.. Being in this biz, meeting all sorts of people -- and a heck load of them, after a while you acquire a talent of reading people. People that you'll get along with. Even if you only had fifteen minutes to connect.

My colleague reckoned that Jose was interested in me. Well, she was obviously too busy picking out a tee to listen to the things that Jose and I talked about.
I must admit that this must sound odd, but here I am in my hotel room.. thinking about a man I talked to for less than a half hour, and feeling a twinge of regret. I really wish I could talk to him some more. He seems like the kind of man I could have deep conversations with over coffee. If he wasn't attracted to me, I am definitely attracted to him!
In an odd, philosophical sort of way.. I would love nothing more than pick at his brain!

So yeah.. Despite going to Surfer's Paradise, meeting Jose was the highlight of my day. I've always said this, but really.. What makes a place special is really the people. It's just like going on a roadtrip.. You won't remember the long car ride when you are stuck with great friends.

I have 20 dollars left in my purse, and I think I still have some things to get from Woolworths! sigh.. I need to find a cure to my obsession with supermarkets. (I miss Albert Heijn!!)

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Sibu.

Oooh! The new rooms here actually reminds me of Hyatt KK! ..somewhat.
Really, what a difference! The old rooms were.. really OLD! Old furnitures, old tv, old carpets.. They're just old!
Anyway, I just got here three hours ago and I'm already bored. sigh.

And a bit sad too, to be honest.
I don't want to talk about it. It's just one of those things that are just too lame to admit. ughhh..
Just know that I am here in Sibu, and feeling sad.

I always thought that it's better to say all the things that you mean to say anyway.. I mean, instead of letting the words run around your mind for a whole day.. might as well just say it out loud right?
I guess I keep forgetting the fact that I may not like the response I would get from the words that I said..

mmph.. I suppose I just got stupid.

I only got two hours of sleep last night, so I am super duper sleepy at the moment. But I'm afraid that if I sleep now, I will have trouble sleeping later! So.. ughh! TORN!!
My set crew are pretty cool today. The Leading is well known for making drinks for the crew; a very rare trait to have amongst supervisors. It's nice.

As I've mentioned in a previous entry, my company has been keen on having new intakes. Well.. it feels like everyone's leaving. I know a bunch that's leaving to join either SQ or CX. Can't blame them. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
Just the other day, a passenger of mine; well, an elderly couple really.. The man held up the classifieds section of the newspaper and showed me the ad for Qatar Airways, saying that I should go. His wife agreed and handed me the section. They were both saying that the pay's better. I stared at it a second and said, "well, I don't know.. Even with my parents living just 30 minutes away, I don't see them as often as I should. Don't know what'll happen if I'm in a whole different country."
The couple nodded.. and asked for the section back. hahahahha!!

mm.. yeah.. When it comes to my case, you shouldn't worry about me being homesick. It's always about me not wanting to come home..

Anyway! MAS interview on the 26th this month..
For you hopefuls, hmm.. What I can say is this; they won't judge you solely on your looks, but you must be presentable and tidy. They want to hear you talk, but at the same time you have to listen. It's good to connect with your fellow interviewees. Make friends even before you enter the room. It is not the time to be shy; if they ask you to dance -- DANCE!
Smile even when you're nervous. Don't be too afraid to laugh.

At one stage of the interview, the interviewer asked me what my talent was and I said "writing".. She then asked me how am I going to show them (there were three interviewer, and six interviewees) my talent. I told them that if they give me a pen and a piece of paper, I would write something for them nicely.. and then giggled like an idiot. Had I known that they needed proof, I would've told them that I sing.. but anyway, you basically just have to go with what ever they throw at you.
But talk about what you know. I know Encem talked about nasi dagang at one point of his interview. I talked about blogging.

There is always a chance where you can show the interviewers just who you are. So if you are trying out, good luck!

Seremban.

Current location: Starbucks, Jusco Seremban 2
Drink of choice: coffee-based, Caramel Frappucino, Venti

So I've been acting a wee bit like a brat. Not obviously.. I think.
I enjoy seeing my sisters and the Kiddies, but last night's flight was pretty strenuous.. I was tired.. And the bed in Kina's guest room isn't exactly to my liking.
The result; I woke up at 6.. And 9.. And eventually at 1:30..

I was hungry, and though I kinda wanted to NOT eat (because I've been feeling like I've been eating a LOT these days) I notice that measly things just ticked me off.
So apparently all I needed was some sandwiches and coffee in my system..

Now I'm ready..
Hello, World! How are you?

Everybody else is at the karaoke at the moment, and I should join them soon. But the thing about one, SINGLE day off.. It always stresses me out in the sense that I get torn between social 'obligation' and what I want.. Or in this case, NEED to do.

What is the point being around people when you're feeling all so crappy anyway? I prefer saving them from the unpleasantries, thanks!

I'm having a nightstop in Sibu tomorrow. That usually nerves me up a bit. Famous Sibu -- for the ghost stories at the hotel!! The town itself is unexciting, there really isn't anything to do except staying in and watch some mindless television.
Funny how I don't need a tv..

I remember in Form 3, my dad was so furious that I was glued to the tv (instead of studying for the big exam) so much that he moved it into my bedroom. haha! I was such a problematic child..
Oh well, I ended up with just 3A's that year.. Whatever.
I suppose I grew out of that.

Oh! Just got to the karaoke place. A guy here just told me that I can't bring any outside food or drink in; that he could keep it aside until we leave -- it's the LAW. Hahahahahhahahahahahaha!!
I swear, some people are just stupid. Honestly I kinda wanted to see if I'll get arrested for bringing the rest of my frappucino into the room, but I suppose I could save that moment for when I actually blow up to something else that 'matters'. Whaling.. Oppression..
O yeah, I guess that thing about me is still the same; argumentative, short tempered.. Excrutiatingly blunt.. (poor English substitute teacher..)

Time to lose my voice now..

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Khas buat Wantan :)

Orang slalu dedicate lagu.. Aku dedicate blog entry, boleh?

So apparently adeela budak skolah aku yang follow blog ni. hmm..
Perasaannye: Segan.
Entah. Maybe sebab in a way aku rasa aku yang skarang dah lain kot dari dulu.. Tapi in the same time sama jugak! Cemana nak explain?
I guess kalau korang baca dari first entry blog ni (yakni pada bulan Jun, SEMBILAN tahun yang lalu..) maybe korang boleh judge sendiri lah whether aku masih orang yang sama or berlainan.

Anyway, ada satu menda yang stuck kat kepala aku dalam salah satu email aku dengan kawan skolah aku ni.. Ayat dia;
"btw, it is so nice of you to respond to my message.. I know you so well when we were in school. Ko jenis malas nak layan orang and suka buat hal sendiri."
Ini ayat daripada classmate aku yang duk dekaaat ngan aku time Form 4.
It makes one think..
Macam.. Kot ye pun aku antisocial rasenye aku still mau kot reply message! Hahahaha.. Lagi lagi since aku memang kenal sender nya.

Lain la kalau tak kenal, pastu message kat Facebook cakap "ai, nk bknalan ble?"
Mengeja pun tak lepas, ada hati nak berkawan.. Eeeee!!

Oh, back to topic.
Sejujurnya aku memang jenis buat hal sendiri. Aku faham kadang kadang tu bila orang "menyebok", sebenarnya dia concern.. Tapi aku tak pandai nak concern tanpa rasa macam penyebok! Hahahaha!

Wantan tanya kenapa entry aku selalu cerita pasal rasa kosong.
Aku pun tatau lah. Maybe sebab bila aku happy, otak aku tak banyak fikir kot? So aku pun tak blog.. Bukan nak kata aku tak penah happy, tapi antara reason aku kurang bercerita pasal benda happy sebab aku takut nanti aku jinx that happiness. Cam ye yee je aku seronok pastu next second merundum aku jatuh!

Lagi satu, buat masa ni menda yang buat aku happy selalunya si Kera. (Sori kalau korang konfius; Kera, Encem, Boyfriend, Anak Ikan Patin semua adalah orang yang sama.) Tapi dia jenis private, so aku rasa bersalah sikit bila aku cerita pasal dia. Like I'm violating his privacy lak.
And aku taknak blog ni jadi shrine untuk dia! Maka terciptalah berdozen entry lembu gila kat blog ni macam Kera lah boyfriend paling tak best di dunia..

Tapi pusing pusing, Kera lah penglipur lara hati aku time aku sunyi. Sakit hati cemana pun aku kat dia, dia sorang je lah yang aku memang genuinely rindu. Dialah Encem, kalau aku pandang muka dia lama lama aku rase aku nak geget hidung dia! Muahahaha! Dia je sabar layan saiko aku. And aku memang saiko. Aku menyampah bila dia layan aku lain depan kawan kawan kitorang. Tapi secretly itu one of my favourite things pasal "kitorang".
Tak perlu la kitorang buat kengkawan lain naik mual kan? Tapi Bestie la kot terpaksa menahan kadang kadang sebab dia paling biase hang out ngan kitorang. hehe

Bak kata ada sorang kawan aku ni.. "You're not depressed, you're just brooding."
Mungkin betul lah tu. Belum cukup lagi apa yang aku ada. Dari kecik aku memang susah nak dapat apa yang aku nak, so focus aku kat benda lain. Material satisfaction is simply irrelevant since that was never the thing that I seek in the first place. Which makes it all the more harder for me to keep "happiness" within my grasp.
So what makes me happy?
Entah lah.. Hari hari pun lain. Padan muka Kera kena figure it out. Pastu padan muka aku gak sebab end up emo sensorang..

Btw, #crewlife..
Aku skarang kat CGK.. Sat tadi makan Maggi Asam Laksa in mug, sambil minum air Milo dari dalam wine glass. Amacam? Glamour tak? huhuu.. Saje je nak menggedik pakai wine glass sebab macam sadis sangat. Hahahaha!
Kat sini takleh smoking dalam bilik. Sangaaap!! Actually patutnye malam ni buat MLE, tapi mutual ngan Bestie sebab dia nak early arrival. Alhamdulillah, allergies pun macam dah habis.. And it only took two weeks! *sarcastic*

Selama tak elok elok lagi tu macam macam teori orang ada.. "Benda" melintas lah.. Kencing langsuir lah.. So aku bersyukur sangat lah rashes ni dah reda; sebelum aku kena gi carik tok bomoh mana mana.

Tadi dalam flight ada sorang pompuan mesra je bila masuk. Cakap "hai Waniee!" Pening kepala aku try ingat aku kenal dia ke idak. Crew jugak ke? Set aku tak kenal.. Sedara ke? Almaklum lah, aku ni memang jenis tak kenal sedara.. Tak snonoh! So aku end up terfikir dia kawan Dida kot.. Rase rasenya laa..
Tapi tadi buat flight Kuantan dulu, so aku tak sempat nak beramah mesra.. Flight pendek sangat, pastu full flight! Rasa bersalah je..

Maybe memang lah kesan radiation banyak sangat fly.. Aku pun takleh nak iyakan sangat since aku dari dulu memang jenis pelupa. Banyak sangat fikir menda ntah pape, space kat otak dah tak banyak nak ingat nama orang..
Tua sebelum waktu.. Alahai...

Oyy banyaknye nyamuk kat luar nihh!!! Kang mau esok aku bintat pasal nyamuk lak dah..

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What's your name again?

heehee.. So, I saw an acquaintance at the mall today. A tech crew, to be precise. We changed glances, smiled.. Funny thing was, I couldn't recall his name! And just about that moment he texted me!
BAAHHAHAHAHAHA!!
How lame was that? I couldn't recall his name when in actual fact we had each other's numbers! hahahahha!! And I'm sorry.. But I felt beautiful, hot and awesome at that moment. Hahahhaha!!

Another funny thing about cabin crew and tech crews.. We don't really like each other. Well, not I personally.. To me they're just as human as everybody else.. They just get more money doing maths and being bored sitting on their arses. But I don't know.. Everytime I tell a more senior crew that I am in a relationship with someone who is in the same biz as we do, they'd ask if he is a "driver" or a "waiter" -- like it's some sort of a big deal.
WHY is it a big deal??

I DON'T KNOWW!
I honestly don't know.
For one, I don't get friendly with anyone to get anything from them other than friendship. Someone to have a chat with over a drink. So I don't assume that they're expecting anything other than the same things that I do. I don't know.. My mind just works that way.
I don't care if some cabin crews thought that tech crews are silver-spoon fed, or that some tech crews thought that cabin crews are stupid. But yeah, I'm sorry fellow cabin crews.. I don't think tech crews are jack asses. People are jack asses. Generalizing people based on their profession is unfair. PEOPLE are asses.

If we are doing that, I guess I just have to admit that I am loose, frivolous, a party animal and EASY. Yeah. Let's go with that.
I am easy.
psshh!

Oh okay, enough of this. Gotta go. My favourite waiter is looking all too cute that I refuse to leave him alone. heehee!

Just for notes; during the house arrest I managed to buy myself a novel and a Moleskine. ughhh! I swear, I could possibly be the easiest person to get a gift for. (Let's forget the fact that the things that I like are usually pricey.. eep!)
But yeah.. can't wait for for those to get heree!!

On house arrest.

Well, not exactly but something like it.
What else would you call it when you're forced to stay home without your will??
UGHHH!!

So.. it's the 8th day of the 23rd month I've been with the company. Medical leave: SEVEN.
Okay, I'll stop obsessing about the medical leaves.. We are talking about my health here anyway! pfft. Honestly the itching gets old.. and surprisingly manageable. But the red spots.. Really.. Who would ever love seeing a red-spotted girl serving them food?

Funny though.. Late last month I was yacking about how I wasn't rostered with as many nightstops as the rest of my friends are.. I suppose God works in mysterious ways. hmmph..
Pretty annoying come to think about it.

Moving on, I was stuck in a philosophical limbo the other day..
Being a Sag.. finishing up reading The Zahir and watching The Adjustment Bureau in the same week, just gets me stuck staring into nothing in space.
A bit unfortunate for boyfriend though as he worries that he'd done something wrong -- which he probably did, (haha!) but naah.. I was just typically stuck in a philosophical question on a Monday.

I loved The Adjustment Bureau by the way! It was.. thought provoking.
Ah.. I suppose if you've been following this blog for some time you would've figured out that questions of fate and destinies always runs through my mind.

Oh! About being on house arrest.. I guess I'll just be more inclined to shop online, huh? Bahhahahaha!

By the way, I had a really good read earlier..
Boys.. (especially) READ THIS!
Read it or I'll send my allergies to you.. rawrr!

Cok ponggong lagi!

Allergy tak kurang kurang..
Tertekan.
Nak keje pon tak senang!

Maka.. dah dekat dua tahun keje, mc dah ENAM! hmmph..
Memang la aku lagi suka cuti, tapi aku tak suka cuti sebab mc! Tak cantik sungguh rekod. Aku fikir fikir.. aku NAK kot renew contract. At least memang diberi peluang untuk renew contract lah!

Bila keje dengan kompeni besar kan.. Kau dispensable. Diorang boleh ganti kau dengan senang. Kompeni aku ni lak memang tengah galak lak amek new intakes. So aku harap sangat by the time interview untuk permanent nanti, diorang tak tengok rekod mc aku. Lagi lagi since aku memang dah sakit!
Bukan suka suki malas nak keje.
Aku takde sugardaddy nak bayakan sewa umah, bil tepon aku.. Savings pon ala ala tak ada.. (Ada, tapi ala ala takde.. Dah asyik adeee je menda nak beli online, takde savings la jadinya! hahahha!)

Punye lah dedicated ni, allergy tak elok lagi tapi sempat gak la keje tiga hari.. And hari hari by the last sector, rashes start naik. Tertekannn!!!
aghhh!
Dalam masa 8 hari, aku dah pegi klinik tiga kali, tengok resit macam lebih RM150 gak lah ubat ubat semua. hmmph! Seb baik bukan bayar sendiri..

Anyway, badan tengah rase tak best..
So, 'til next time.

:(

Baru komplen sikit, dah kena lagi teruk..

Semalam aku kena allergy attack. Daripada mana, aku tatau.. Bangun pagi okay, time tengahari aku guling guling atas katil, tau tau badan dah start gatal gatal and ada merah merah. Jadi aku assume kena gigit something la. Pijat mutant ke apa..

So siang semalam walaupun badan gatal gatal ni, gigih juga aku kuar ngan Kera pegi Midvalley (lagi!) sebab lapar. Kat umah takde apa nak masak, and since gaji dah kuar kitorang biasa ada "makan besar" sekali.
Aku ni lak.. jenis degil.. Dah tau badan gatal, selamba je makan seafood! Konon sebab takde allergic seafood kan, patut tak effect la! hahhh! Harapan.. jadi makin teruk lak. Tak guna..

So terima kasih Bestie kerana bawakkan pegi klinik.. Sorry kacau momentum abiskan lauk semalam. Harapnya sempat la kenyang yee.. hehe

Kat klinik lak doktor tanya ada makan seafood tak, aku tersengih la since memang baru je lepas. Pastu dia cakap la kadang kadang orang start kena allergy walaupun selama ni tak ada. Aku anggukkan aje la, tapi masalahnye gatal dah start time siang, time aku tak makan pape pon lagi. Seafood tu cuma memburukkan keadaan je. haihh
Pastu dia tanya aku nak makan ubat ke, nak kene inject. Sebab aku tak penyabar orangnye, aku suh je la dia inject.
Cok ponggong!
Malu...
Tapi dua tiga minit lepas tu gatal gatal memang reda.. merah merah pun dah kurang. Best!

Harini badan still ada merah merah and gatal.. tapi gatal yang boleh diabaikan la. Tak seteruk malam tadi. Malam tadi memang.. hisyy.. So skarang aku tau nak sumpah apa kat orang bila aku marah. Daripada aku sumpah diorang mati, baik aku sumpah diorang gatal seluruh badan. (Kat celah bedah pun yee.) Sebab tu lagi seksa!
Plus kalau orang mati, kau tak boleh gelakkan dia. Kalau dia kena gatal.. boleh la gelak evil.
(Teruknya laa.. Mana la Tuhan tak marah.. adeke plan menda menda camni lak! isyk)

Tengah mengantuk ni. Doktor kata ubat ilang gatal ni memang buat mengantuk. Best! Aku suka ubat buat mengantuk sebab aku ni jenis susah nak tido.. Tak saba nak tunggu malam untuk makan ubat gatal lagi!
Pagi tadi Mama text tanya nak ikut pegi Seremban tak. Aku tak mau lahh. Time badan gatal gatal ni tahap kesabaran aku kurang. Kesian lak kat bebudak nanti. Kalau ada sesiapa yang nak kena marah, baik aku hadkan kepada si Kera je. heehee.

Elok elok je allergic time cuti.. Kalau kena keje time badan merah merah camni.. hisy! I tidak rela uolss!

Flight BLR Yang Happening.

Aku cakap Jepun dalam flight balik dari India.. Kau hado?? Hahhahaha!
Al kisahnya, mamat ni tido sepanjang flight, aku tak tau pun dia orang Jepun. Dah sampai KL dia on phone dia, aku ternampak tulisan Jepun.. So masa dia nak blah aku pun cakapla "byebye" yang bukan "sayonara".. Muka dia pun terkejut ceria pastu cakap Jepun sket ngan aku.. Hihihi..
Lalu crew aku yang ala ala junior beberapa bulan takjub lah dengan kehebatan aku.. Hnssss *kembang idong*

Yang kelakarnye, bakat aku cakap Jepun ala ala bakat aku cakap Jawa je.. Basic gile; set kalau orang tanya, "iso omong jowo orak?" Aku pun jawab, "sitik sitik wae.." Hihihihi

Anyway, flight malam tadi boleh dikatakan seronok gak la walaupun Indian run. Passenger tak banyak kerenah sangat (surprisingly) and leading merepek, stewardess sorang suka borak, lagi sorang bengong, Bollywood crew layankan saja kitorang, and steward 11th solo-first time 738 (dia siap bagitau time briefing yee.. hahahahha!) kaki gelak.

Pendek kata malam tadi, walaupun sleep-deprived, aku takde sebab untuk tak ceria. Alhamdulillah.. Bila dapat flight macam ni memang aku bersyukur sangat. Best kerja. Rasa cam kasi lah lagi Bangalore kalau set crew terbaik gini!
Actually kalau difikirkan balek, everytime aku dapat Indian run selalu ada je set crew yang sekepala. Every cloud has a silver lining gitu. Aku suka! Thank You Allah!

Balek dari flight tak tensen.. Jalan ke transport maseh boleh sengih kat orang lalu lalang. Maseh ada mood nak small talk dengan cabin crew lain yang kau baru jumpa.
Rasa best jadi cabin crew..

Tapi sekarang kaki aku tengah gatal.. haihh.. Doktor kata aku kena amek vitamin C. Kulit kering sebab tak cukup vitamin C.. Isyk. Sungguh aku malas nak keep up benda benda yang kena jadi habit nih; sapu losyen lepas mandi, makan pil.. Aku cuci mekap pun pakai wipes je. Make-up remover yang Mama kasi ada dalam ceruk mana ntah, kapas tak penah sentuh.. Mask tak penah nak pakai, scrub muka kalau rajin ada laa aku guna sebulan sekali -- kalau teringat!

Nasib baik la muka aku ni bukan jenis sensitif, berminyak manjang.. Kering la tapi.. And kaki ni masalah besau. Dah berbulan aku tak pakai dresses comel comel aku. Rinduuu.. Hahahaha!!
Tuhan marah kot aku tak tutup aurat.. So dia kasi aku malu sikit. Hmmm..

Roster bulan depan tak memberangsangkan. Tiga nightstop, satu night flight, yang lain daily! Bulan yang lebih lonely sebab Si Kera punya nightstop/trip berderet. Siap fly ngan Mummy lagi lak tu. Isykk.. So kita nantikan sajalah entry entry blog yang jauh lebih emo daripada biasa yee..

Esok sampai habis bulan ni aku annual leave! Yeayy!! Aku suka cuti! And harini gaji kuar.. And LaSenza tengah sale! Yeayy!! So ada sape sape kat Midvalley sekarang ni?

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Setahun setengah?

Current mood: Pensive
Current location: Shah Alam
Song currently playing: Antique - Surga Cinta

Hung out with Dida at Starbucks last night.. The result? I was wide awake at 3am despite waking up quite early during the day.
And because I was having an idea of something, I got onto my laptop and shopped online. ughhh! Not exactly a good idea. I am trying to SAVE money here, not spend more of it!! pffft!

Anyway, not that I am regretting the buy.. Just that I moved around some money in my accounts that need not to be moved. So that was just.. lame.

Tomorrow I'm doing four sectors that I'd rather not be doing.. But anyway, the month's ending and since I have a leave from 25th 'til 28th, I'm just happy to get through the next three days. (BLR flight on the 23rd.. ick!)
Since February is ending, people have been asking if I'm staying in the airline.. (We have five years contract, which we are bonded to the company for the first two years of it)

I wish I had something else to say than; "yeah, suppose I'll stay.."
Honestly, it's not that I am bored. I still find the job interesting. But really.. I couldn't think of anything else to do anyway. So that's a pretty sorry excuse to stay.
Sucks that I've been feeling OLD these days.
Oh well, at least I'm not feeling gloomy.. today. heeheee

I've been trying not to look forward to next month's roster -- for fear of being disappointed (as we always do when the roster finally came out), but I can't help it. It should come out later tonight..
gah!

I better start packing my things.

Called up to KMG.

ughh.. Of course, just when you decided that you don't want to get called up, the office thought differently.
I've never been rostered to this flight. It's one of those elusive sectors like Begawan; which I was rostered to last month but the flight was cancelled! pssh!
Kunming is one heck of a long flight. Three hours plus. It felt longer when you had less than three hours of sleep and was delayed because the passengers decided to wander around before flight.
I couldn't wait to get home but as we descended towards KLIA.. My eyes welled up in tears. I was suddenly reminded that I had no one waiting for me at home. hmmph!

Bloody resolution.
I've finally decided on one a couple of weeks ago; that I should toughen up. Nak jadi hati batu sikit. I've been crying too much for the past year that I had to put it up as a resolution! hahahaha! Bangang.

If only doctors could recommend on my medical file that giving me long flights is highly discouraged. My brain is too messed up; instead of it being mostly a physical strain.. it's actually affecting my mental/emotions a lot more.
I just get a LOT more sensitive when I am tired.
As the result, tonight I walked towards the transport area biting my lips and praying to God that I wouldn't cry in public.

Personal shit are just too messy these days. And I know it's me who complicates things mostly. I couldn't help it. I'm simply in a bad funk to begin with so it doesn't take much for the spoilt brat within me to surface.
I don't know..
It does feel like I'm making a hell lot of excuses these days.
Funny how when I was single.. I had no trouble being with myself. (err.. Okay, I've always had trouble accepting myself -- but I never really needed anyone.) But now.. it's like my body detests the idea of being with just me.

ughh! I don't think I'm making much sense.
I should head to bed early.

Sendiri lagi..

This is no longer about being physically alone.. I am just.. irrevocably in a state of aloneness.
Sure, being physically alone doesn't help either but really.. this should be getting old. I can't expect to always have someone around to be by my side. And that is not even the point!

So Boyfriend had been around for the past few days. Knowing that he's flying with Mummy today, I was hoping that someone from their set would get sick and I'd get called up for that flight! ha-ha! What are the chances of that happening? But I hoped away anyway.. I wished for it from the day I saw their rosters.. I wished for it everytime I mentioned about my standby to anyone who'd hear it.. I wished for it before I go to bed last night.
It's silly, but I'm jealous. I'm not even jealous that Mummy is flying with him.. I am just jealous that two of my favourite people are flying together and I couldn't be there!

I used to bump into Mummy during night stops and it's been months since that happen. Knowing that she'll be leaving the airline soon just makes me feel even worse.
So yeah, I am jealous so I'm sorry.. I couldn't fake any form of enthusiasm when I was on the phone with the both of them earlier. I'm a lousy loser. I'll be the one that sulks in the corner when I lose.

So today I'd spent my day being miserable and sulking.. Doing my best not to send any pathetic texts to either of them because it won't do any good to anyone. Plus, Boyfriend hates working with me. Okay, maybe he didn't exactly used the word "hate" -- I hated working with him because of his "professionalism" bullshit. He'd make me feel like all I wanted to do was cling onto him while we work. Do the service with our hands entwined maybe.
Seriously, I don't mind being professional.. but wouldn't you think it's weird when people can't even tell that we knew each other unless they saw our staff numbers? bahh! I could go on about this for hours.
Maybe he's just embarassed to have me as his girlfriend. HAHAHAHHAHA! Okay, thank you stupid-brain for letting me wander off to this particular thought.

I suppose I should stop going into this.. since Bestie has the same trouble being himself when he's flying with a batchmate. Pathetic. (Sorry!) In conclusion to this crap; Adi remains my favourite batchmate to fly with! hahahhaha!
ughhh! I'm really gloomy today. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything useful around the house. Pathetic. Perhaps I should change my name to just that -- Pathetic.

I am honestly hating myself these days. My heart hasn't been mine for a long while.. And my brain simply jumps into conclussions that depresses me. I really really need to find a sparkle in life. Because really.. I CANNOT live like this, I keep feeling sorry for myself and it's just.. horrible! I am feeling like a blip and I really doubt that anyone would notice if I go missing.
Everyone seems to be going off to some better life.. New job, new family.. and here I am.. stagnant. It's the worst feeling of all. I hate being stuck. Stuck alone, because I am such a late bloomer. I know that isn't something I can blame myself for. It wasn't as if I wanted to be a late bloomer. But I wish I had known what I'd wanted earlier.
Not now.
Not when everyone's ready to leave.

I wish I am still twenty-three.. and just figured out that I wanted to be married by twenty-five. Have a kid by twenty-six. And another at twenty-nine.
But in truth, when I was twenty-three.. I had said to myself that I wanted to have a steady boyfriend that I could possibly marry by twenty-seven. My aim was just a boyfriend! Not a husband. hahahahha! And that's what I get.. Currently twenty-six, with a boyfriend.. and marriage is nowhere in view.

Sure I could blame peer pressure when it comes to this. Most of the people I know are either engaged, married, pregnant or already planning on the second one! Then there's me.. quite by myself and feeling FRIGGIN OLD!!
pssh! Guess I'll just blame my biological clock.
Things that happened last year just gave me a different perspective all so suddenly.
What if? What if? What if??

Damn I hate being alone with all these thoughts to ponder about!

I can't erase your past.

Question:
if a (certain) woman was made for a (certain) man, would it be the same for that woman?
If that sounds a little blurry, if A was meant for B -- does that mean that B was meant for A??

Ah yes, I am talking of soulmates -- in codes. Sort of. Bestie and I agreed that soulmates exists. After all, we are pretty much obliged to. But we both agreed that even when you are with your soulmate, you were never promised of happiness with them. There was never a line that says "you will be happy once you've found your soulmate."
So anyway.. I'm thinking of soulmates.

#crewlife stuff now;
during my recent trip, I had this one particular steward whom had seem interested in me. I've gotta say that had felt nice. And funny in a way. I still can't remember his name to be honest. Bahahahha! But I liked the flattery.. The idea of someone looking forward to seeing you again.
I can be so fickle sometimes... I know.

But anyway.. can't see the point of getting anyone's attention when in truth I'd only wanted MY guy's attention. I swear it gets pathetic sometimes. I wish I hadn't given him so much power. ughh!
So Valentine's day.. was never a celebration in my household. Except during school days when my girlfriends and I would give each other candies. Encem isn't exactly one that supports Valentine's Day and honestly, I would hate it if anything "special" had to happen on THAT particular day. It'd make anything seem fake and too deliberate. WHY must you give a girl chocolate or flowers on THAT day? There shouldn't be a reason to give your girl chocolates and flowers -- and "Valentine's Day" would be the stupidest REASON of all.

I still had a good time though. We were both off on that day and for once in a VERY long time, it was Encem whom asked me out! yippee! I swear sometimes it feels like we've been together for so long that we don't even date. ick!

So.. yeah.. it's pathetic but apparently my happiness (or let's just say my good mood) depended dearly on what he does.
Pathetic.

What do women want?

Aku ni kadang kadang tak tau apa perempuan nak sebenarnye.. Tapi nak agak apa "perempuan" nak, memang susah. Semua orang lain lain..

Haritu ada member FO sorang ni cerita pasal dia baru break-up dengan girlfren dia.. Sedih lak aku denga, tapi perlu ke mata aku sampai berair kan?! Isyk.

Diorang dah bersama empat tahun lebih. Kira sebelum FO ni jadi FO lah.. Memang dari dulu dah janji nak kawin..
So akhir tahun lepas FO ni tempah cincin kawin kat Tiffany & Co. Belum sempat cincin tu sampai, minah tu mintak break-up.. Atas alasan mamat ni FO.. Tak boleh percaya.

Manusia ni kalau tak dengki, tak cakap buruk pasal orang tak boleh ke?
Kesian member aku ni tau!!
Aku tak paham cemana minah ni boleh percaya hasutan kawan kawan yang baru dia kenal.. instead of percaya apa yang si FO ni cakap.
Empat tahun.. Kau patut dah tahu peribadi seseorang tu dalam masa empat tahun!

Mamat ni pulak dahlaa jenis cerita semuanye. Minah urut nak offer lebih pun dia cerita, tapi dia tak buat apa pun. Honest. Jenis rajin call/sms..
So kenapa perempuan ni nak break??
Aku rasa, memang hati dia dah lari.. Bukan salah si FO.. Tapi pompuan ni fickle. Mungkin dah safe sangat, jadi boring.. Entahlah!

Dua minggu lepas break, cincin Tiffany & Co. sampai..

Kalau lah laki aku tetiba balek bawak cincin tunang/kawin.. Hahahahaha!!
Si FO ni sempoi orangnye.. Dengan tak malu join aku ngan kakak aku gi karaoke. First day aku kenal dia, kitorang melepak kat bilik hotel berborak sampai pagi..

I guess kalau korang jenis kesah spouse korang spend the night kat bilik the opposite sex, JANGAN la carik cabin crew ataupun tech crew.
Aku ni pon kadang kadang melepak macam tak ada boyfren nak jealous. (Jealous ke pun?) Silap dia la kot carik pompuan yang lagi senang bercampur ngan laki! Bahahahaha!!

So apa perempuan nak sebenarnye?
Kadang kadang aku terlupa apa yang aku nak.. Perasaan nak tahu tu terlebih kadang kadang tu. Tapi perasaan je la..
Belum lagi buat benda benda merepek. Hahahaha! "Belum lagi" yee..

Oi, teruk betul sekarang ni bila emosi kurang stabil..

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In Shanghai..

I am sitting in my airline's crew room.. Using another airline's crew room's wi-fi! Bahahahaha! And my steward and I are SO immersed with our Blackberry that we don't bother entertaining each other anymore. Hahahahha..
Aah.. Technology.

It's cold here in Shanghai.. It was six degrees this morning. I honestly love cold weathers -- but really honestly, it's only because it reminds me of my time in Europe years back..

I really miss Europe. Funny how I'd felt safe when I was there. It was foreign.. But somehow I felt safe. I wonder if I'd still feel the same if I get to go there again.
And I do plan on going there again.. Just that I haven't actually set the date yet. Kinda..
Well, I need to know when I'm going and only then I'll start saving for it! Hahahahaha

Anyway, I'm in a relatively good mood as you can see. Personal troubles remains the same. I am starting to believe that I lead a secret life some days. I wish I hadn't known half the things that I know.. But you can't exactly undo the things that you'd done. Even when you hit "ctrl+z", you KNOW that you've hit those buttons..

So I'm flying back tomorrow. Then I have a day off and then I'll be on a 4-days trip. Not really looking forward to that, but I've come to realize that I haven't been looking forward to anything at all these days. It's sad, I know..

I haven't got any #crewlife stories to tell you. Personal life is too overwhelming for work life to surface.
Oh yeah.. Cheers Liverpool for whooping Chelsea's arse! Bahahahha!! I thought it was amusing. (Honestly I'm just stoked that Chelsea lost yet another game, but my team decided to get stupid on their match, so pshh!)

Perhaps I should head back to my room in the next hour. Call time is in the morning and I better get a decent amount of sleep for once! I've been having some terrible dreams lately; ghosts, being chased, boyfriend cheated on me.. sorting through dead bodies..
Horrible, horrible dreams!

So dear God, please let me have a good sleep tonight, of pleasant dreams.. And please let us have a good flight come tomorrow.
I'd love nothing more than to get home safe and sound..

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Can I let go now?

"They" say you have to let go of your pride..
Now WHY do I ever listen to "them"??!!

I should always stick to being myself.. I keep feeling like being in love makes me a pussy. Always giving in. Always opening up myself and invite a whole world of hurt in.
Why?
Why honestly??
I'm trying to believe that I can have that unconditional love. But perhaps unconditional love doesn't fit me best.
I am not made to be the more loving one, I'm sorry.. But screw Auden!

So I'm letting go.. I'm letting go of that role. I shall not take the responsibility anymore.
My happiness is MINE alone, and it's foolish of me to depend on anyone else to make me happy.
Fairytales, chick-flicks and chick-lits has really messed me up. But yeah, I'm not going to be responsible for OUR happiness anymore.

I need to stop going the extra mile because I need a man that'll meet me halfway.
I need someone who WANTS me just as much as I want him.

I am BLOODY TIRED!!!!
And I'm bloody tired of feeling tired!
I feel shitty, and I know that I can change it -- and that's what sucks the most!

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Feeling like trash, thanks!

SAMPAI HATI KAU HANG UP CAMTU KAT AKU?!!
HANJJJJJ!!!!!
aku baru cakap pasal jaga hati, pastu kau buat camtu..
SIAL!!

UGHHHH!!! I swear sometimes I wonder why I even have a boyfriend..
Yeah, I say a lot of trash about the people I claim to love but apparently that's just ME. If I can't do anything passionately, I don't bother doing it at all..
So tonight, I am passionately wishing for Encem to DIE!!! ughhh!!

Okay, I just sent a hate-text and feeling completely satisfied.
Now, to a different subject, shall we?

Recently I've been wondering why can't one always.. WIN.
Like the saying that goes, you win some, you lose some.
So WHYY??
Why must we lose after we win??

I'm bloody tired of giving myself excuses.. Bloody tired of karma.. Just damn TIRED!! God, I'm tired..
And I don't want to be tired..

I'm sorry for sounding ungrateful, but I'm really not in my best mood these days.
I'm a bloody walking corpse.. that swears a lot.
I'd be that favourite zombie in that movie that's bloody entertaining to you guys. You'd come out of the cinema saying how shitty that movie was, but you'd chide in "--but that potty-mouth zombie was hilarious!"
That's who I am.

Oh, I don't know why I say half the things that I say sometimes..
Guess I better head to bed since I have an early wake-up call in the morning.
Or maybe I'll have something to eat.
What ever..

Take care, dear readers..
Hope you'll have good days ahead of you.

Shaken again.

How depressed am I to wish to be in an accident?

Perhaps I'd be killed.. but honestly I'd be happy enough if I end up being in a comma. hmmm.. Maybe I could get stuck in a wonderful dream.
Oh well.. a girl can only wish.

Girl keee..?

Honestly speaking though.. what I'm looking for is an amnesia.
I don't know.. considering how frustrating it would be to try and remember my own family is quite upsetting. I can't help imagining them telling me some old, perhaps happy stories from their personal memories as their eyes wells up in tears.
I don't really want to see that.

But I really wish to forget.

Or maybe I was having an amnesia after all.
I'd forgotten how stupid I'd been and now I've allowed it to happen yet again. Somehow I just couldn't stop telling myself how stupid I'd been.
Stupid I am.
Stupid stupid stupid. STUPID.

Can't help but feel so alone everytime this happens. Everytime I am troubled with some personal issues.. I am always alone.
I swear, sometimes I made myself believe that I deliberately jumped into a well and got myself stuck there. Perhaps I really did.
I'm an adult after all.. Perfectly capable of using my God-given brains.. and yet I hadn't used it.

So yeah.. I jumped into a well.
No one had shown me where the well was. No one had led me there. No body had pushed me down. No one.. but me.

Anyway, just like before.. I am.. and shall not blame anyone for what ever that is happening. I did this all by myself, just like self-inflicted pain.
Sure, other people might have led me to do it.. but in the end, it's me who was holding the knife/razor/cigarette (pick your poison).

I really ought to stop wishing for bad things happening to me. But I am.. pretty much depressed at the moment. Just not enough to do anything myself.. Sounds cowardly but I still believe in God.. somehow.
Perhaps I shouldn't have said that. Oh well.. even if I hadn't typed it out, it's still floating through my mind. Hardly any difference.

'Til next time, I suppose.
Take care everyone.. Hope you'll have good days ahead of you.

A stolen kiss.

I can't decide if today was a good day at work or a shitty one.

This morning I was in the same transport with a batchmate; Adi, who then told me that he was doing RGN flight. At the very moment I was cheered by that fact since we'll be in the same flight!
wheeee!

But later we found out that we're flying with one short of crew.. (the stewardess reported sick at the last minute! grrrr siap kau next time bila fly sama..)
And.. it was a full flight to and fro!

Anyway, suppose I can't be too upset over this since I enjoyed the flight. Adi and I were crazy together even though we were so damned tired at the end of it!
It's always good to have a friend on board -- and a super helpful business class stewardess! heehee. I couldn't thank her enough for helping out at the back!


It's a good day..

My four days off..

I honestly thank God for the four days off on my roster this month. Despite the roster itself was organised by the people of the rostering department; it's God I should be thanking..

Having four days off in a row is a rarity, so how did I spend it? I decided to fly to Kuching!

I find it slightly funny to go to Kuching when I am not really crazy about the place. Even funnier when I kept being asked if I originated there. (Apparently I have the "face" of someone of Borneo origins -- because people have asked me if I'm from Sabah too! But no, I'm from Selangor.. Merah Kuning lambang kebanggaan! Bahahahha!)

Knowing Bestie's and Encem's roster, I was nothing but grateful for the perfect timing! They were both in Kuching on a trip.. And it turned out that Luqqy was there too. It was really nice. Just hanging around with my boys.

And just my luck, I bumped into Dar whom happened to be on a holiday as well! What are the chances?? Honestly, it was a weird sort of week. But an enjoyable one nonetheless. I had hoped to catch up with Dar a little more but I had a bad case of flu on the second day I was in Kuching. It was frustrating.. But I am grateful anyway.
Perhaps it's been a year since I last saw Dar, and he used to be my closest friend..

Dear God, how come I never bump into Dar in KL?? hahahaha

So anyway, I'm having a runny nose, a slight fever and a bad case of cough.. But I'm thankful for my week away from home.
And in case you're wondering why have I only mentioned boys in this entry.. I honestly don't know why. Sometimes it feels like all my friends are boys!

Oh sigh..


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A good read..

I've finally got around to read the book boyfriend had given me a while ago. In truth I feel a bit guilty putting it on hold. I can't remember when or why he bought it in the first place..

I know that I've had it for months.. Packed it into my luggage everytime I'm having a night-stop or layover flights..
As for why, knowing us both, perhaps he'd bought the book because I was upset over something. (heh!)

I don't even know why he bought that particular title. He isn't even the type that reads novels but he knows that I love Coelho's works.. But I'd never actually heard any raving reviews for this title to get it myself..
But whatever it is..
I suppose it's these curious little things that I love my boyfriend for.

Anyway, like other Coelho's works.. They always make me wonder. Curious little things. And I've only read a few chapters of it!

I don't know.. Feels like his books reflects my soul..
Always looking.. the elusive perfection.. Completion..
Happiness.

Some people appear to be happy, but they simply don't give the matter much thought. Others make plans; I'm going to have a husband, a home, two children, a house in the country. As long as they're busy doing that, they're like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they react instinctively, they blunder on, with no idea where the target is. They get their car, sometimes they even get a Ferrari, and they think that's the meaning of life, and they never question it. Yet their eyes betray the sadness that even they don't know they carry in their soul."
-- The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

So today I'm feeling blue.
But don't you worry about me. Everything is good. I am just having things to ponder about. And as should you..

Are you happy?
Are you doing the things that you love?
Are you in a good, healthy relationship?
If you answered "no" to any of these questions, what are you going to do about it?

Take care, dear readers!

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To cry the night..

You live and learn...

Funny to be writing this entry.
I was in a such different mood when I wrote my previous entry, but today it feels like it's all been a dream. Or perhaps a nightmare.

It seems like this month HATES me for what ever reason. Nothing I do seems to go well. Anything I planned just blew up in my face.
And as for my heart.. it is shattered into tiny little pieces.

It doesn't seem fixable at the moment.
Perhaps I've been lying to myself this whole time. Thinking that I was happy when in truth I was merely distracted.
And now it feels like the end.

I am done reaching for help.

It is no use.
I'm the one who keeps getting hurt anyway. So I'm done. I'm done trying my best when my best is taken for granted.

Episod Curang.

Been a while since I wrote a bla-bla entry. (One that isn't really about anything but what ever is in my mind.) Bestie told me that my blog has been so crew-like these days.. and I don't like that. I don't like the idea of being defined by what I do for a living.

But since I've touched the subject.. as you can witness here, I am blogging. Not putting on any make-up, or getting ready for flight as I should be. Just lazing in the sofa-bed in the living room.. messied hair, spectacles on with a cigarette burning in my right hand.
The doctor was nice enough to grant me a day's rest for my back-ache, which I really appreciate. Honestly I hate seeing the doctor.. or taking medical leave. I like my records clean but I don't think forcing myself to work is going to help anyone. Guess I won't be having much money next month but I'll live..

So anyway, Bestie asked an interesting question at dinner last night. He asked Encem and myself if every couple has to have that cheating period.. (he worded it "episod curang"; the title of this entry! wa-heyy!)
I burst out laughing while Encem being Encem just ponders off wordlessly.

I'd like to think that not EVERYONE has it.. or had it. But the temptations must've been there..
When I feel ignored by Encem, I sometimes wish I had someone I could cheat with. (oops?) hahahahahha!!
But honestly, I had my episod curang.. It was the preface to my book with Encem really. ughh.. I don't like the fact that I have that episode in my life but.. I don't regret it. hehe

But really.. does everyone has it??
It's.. sad.. and a whole lot of bad karma lying around!

Cheating is terrible anyway. It's just bad.
For me.. honestly.. I didn't know what I really wanted, but still it wasn't a valid reason to cheat. Nothing is ever a reason to cheat! They are all excuses. Bad bad BAD excuses.
I for one was not cut for lying, so my episode didn't last long. My ex deserved better, I know it. So I told him the truth soon after. Encem and I were barely anything but it's not fair to have someone counting on you while you're interested in someone else instead.

I don't know.. sometimes I still wonder why I did what I did. It's not like I was out of love. But maybe I really needed someone who is present. At least that's what I tell myself when I think about it.

Sometimes I wonder if karma is going to get me in the end. Sometimes I imagined Encem having an affair and actually felt how crushed my heart would be. I even dreamt about it once or twice and when I woke up.. I find myself distancing myself from Encem.
It's not really his fault. But I can't exactly control my dreams.. and they had felt real.

God, I hope karma will get me in some other way.
Because Encem.. my dear boyfriend.. is one of the very little things that is good in my life. Sure he pisses me off sometimes.. Leave me here feeling lonely and ignored while he's working.. but still, he's the one that defines home to me. *and cue sentimental violin score!*
Oh, and sometimes, like right now.. I am HATING him for making me want to write about all this crap! ughhh! I swear I was never this needy or clingy to some BOY before! yuck!

So moving on!!!
Kasi potong terus feeling feeling ni.. Tomorrow I'll be on standby. Oh well, at least I won't have to stay up working tonight.. But I do hope I won't get any calls from the office tomorrow and the day after.
I realized that I complain more when I had too much work, compared to when I didn't have much money.

Suppose I could really say that money isn't everything...