A jumble of what-evs.

hmmm..

I find myself craving for IKEA's curry puff.

grrrr! I hate it when my hormones are going nutty!

Nothing much going on. Two days off after spending two nights in Kuching. Super early wake-up call -- not happy with that. But I was glad that the day's work ended at noon. So, pro and cons!

I totally cried watching Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. Come to think of it, I really don't remember which part made me so emotional.. But it really did make me cry.. several times. Perhaps the film was really touching, but menstruation just made it worse.

I've come to relate Sandra Bullock to my sister, Nina; beautiful, funny, kinda kooky, seemingly strong but somehow your guts is telling you to coddle her.

My mind's been working strangely these days.

I had to work with one of my not-so-favourite people in the airline on my recent trip. I don't know.. I never liked people who are loud. I just... HATE it, really. What, just because you're older and has more experience, it makes you so much smarter than everyone else in everything? This particular person wasn't mean at all, even quite nice really, but he's just the type that loves the sound of his own voice I suppose.

And I just can't stand that.

He just went on.. and on.. and on.. Sharing "knowledge".

SO glad that the trip's over.

Although, I did have a wonderful first day of the trip!

I was working in Business Class and my supervisor was awesome! (She'd always been awesome..) Even the passengers were great! I had practically full load in the sectors we did and everyone was extremely pleasant.

At one point, the overhead bin was already full and the nearest space we had was in Row 7 (business class ends at Row 4). My passenger didn't make any scene as he carried his bag to that compartment -- unlike most business passengers would.

And when we arrived, as I squeezed through the passengers to retrieve the bag, the passenger at Row 7 took down the bag for me from the compartment! Like seriously.. WOW! I was so amazed. I felt blessed! hahahha! (Which I am, of course! *wink!*)

Then of course, that night I broke the LCD of my phone when I accidentally sat on it as I got on the boat back from dinner.. ughhh!

Two nights without my Blackberry.. The screen was just blank although the system was running. And I could only remember my sister's and Encem's phone numbers! Well, good thing I remembered any, really.. So yeah, I blindly called Dida first to vent then laugh about my huge ass.

It had been two of the loneliest nights I've ever had since I started flying. hahahha!

Oh, funny thing.. because I couldn't see what I was doing, my alarm wouldn't stop going off. ha - ha!

So when I got home earlier today, I put away my things, changed clothes, look through my junk for my old Sony Ericsson, charged it a bit, transferred my simcard and headed out to Low Yat Plaza -- for the first time on my own. (Yepp, I didn't even remove my make-up! I purposely put on normal-colours on my face today anyway -- nothing rainbow-like.)

And now I have a perfectly working LCD -- also, RM 300 poorer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Memang babi.. Dan dan aku ingat bulan ni boleh saving, time tuuuu lah aku kena spend on a necessity! Mother-eff!

I guess I should wash my own hair for the rest of the month and forget the thought of getting a manicure. So unnecessary.

And so the fight to save up continuessss!! よおおおしょ!

Oh ye, lupa.. Pagi tadi change aircraft dengan Bestie yang sambil membawa handbag.. HAHAHAHHA!! Wish I had a picture of it..

---------
Update!
March 9th Just booked an appointment with a manicurist for my next day off.. Curse you, Groupon!!

Too much..

Too much of anything is never a good thing..

I had the last three days off.. and now I am just so lazy to get to work tomorrow.. pfft!
Three days trip, HERE I COOME! *fake enthusiasm*

And I know I've said this before, but I'm gonna say it again; I really hate it when I'm just so used to having Encem around. pfft!
I am an addict, I tell ya!
Good thing that I'll only be away for three days.

sigh. Three days.
Oh well. I hope you guys are having a good week.
Oh, and, welcome to the family, Cik Amyan.. Hope to see you soon!

Sedih.

Happiness is temporary.
At least that's how I always feel anyway.
Maybe I'm just needy.
Point is, I'm disappointed.. I am always the one being forgotten. Or taken lightly of. And I have no idea how to change that!
So I'm disappointed.. Frustrated.. Sad.

Haritu aku fly dengan sorang tech crew yang membesar kat Shah Alam. Turned out dia pun skolah Raja Muda, panggil area Seksyen 16/17/18++ "Seberang", and agree that Bukit Jelutong bukanlah Shah Alam!
Hahahahhahahahaha!
Terhibur hati aku.
Banyak jugak aku berbual ngan dia. To a point where sampai sakit tekak gak la.

Sebenarnya aku tengah lelah hati. Letih.. Sangat letih...
Hari Isnin lepas buat empat sektor. Reporting 0735, abes keje 1755.
The very next morning aku start on trip empat hari.. (Malam ni last night di Labuan.) Finally esok balek rumah!

Aku sorang je pompuan (selain supervisor) dalam set. Letih. Hari hari memain flirt. Hahahhahaha! I know this is going to sound bad, but it's a bit boring to not be able to do anything more than just flirt.
HAHHAHAHHAHA!!
And I hate the bit where they seem to be more interested in me than my own boyfriend. Huhuuu.
Ye, saya tahu, saya perempuan yang lemah lagi fickle. Tralalalaa..

Anyway, balek trip esok.. Then lusa buat empat sektor lagi!
Roster aku minggu ni memang ntah hape hape. Aku simpaaan je dalam hati betapa letihnya aku sebenarnye. Sure, I'm writing this on my blog, but I'm not exactly twisting your arm to read it, kan?

Aku tak paksa korang untuk baca. And yet korang baceee gak blog aku ni.
So I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being curious, for wanting to know what's been going on with my life.
Thank you.
Sangat.
You have no idea..

Speechless.

To not know what your next move is.
To be clueless.
To be speechless.

I realize that when something truly bad happens, I'd go completely still..
I wouldn't know what to do next.
What do I do next??

You know, "Hazwani" means pemberianku.. or "my gift"..
WHOSE gift????
Tell me, whose gift am I??
Because I sure don't feel like a gift.
Useless, more like.
Like one of those little crystal trinkets that you put in the display cupboards; they're pretty to look at, but completely useless!
I suppose some people do give out those crystal trinkets as gifts.. So maybe I am just that.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. Words failed me this time.
I just wish I could do something, is all.

S08E14

There are times in our lives when love really does conquer all

Exhaustion..

Sleep deprivation..

Anything.

And then there are those times when it seems like love brings us nothing but pain.

Sometimes we ease the pain by making the best of what we have,

Sometimes it's by losing ourselves in the moment,

and sometimes all we need to do to ease the pain is call a simple truce.

I'm a big fan of Grey's Anatomy.

I suppose you should know that if you had been following this blog.

Honestly I am a fan of most things with a monologue. I find it most interesting when there's an explanation to why things happen. Or the thoughts that triggered something.

When someone does something, I want to know why they did it.

It's either that or that I feel like I am constantly doing a monologue myself. So I feel the similarity between me and Mer. Only her thoughts are more put together compared to my incoherent rambling.

Well, I'm home alone again.

Feels like I'm the loneliest I've ever been this month. Roster's been unmerciful I suppose.

I was the assist crew on my flight today and my Primary Two (a steward.. well, a stewardee really) held my hand so tight during take off. He said that he always get scared of take-offs on a 737-400. I didn't think much of it. His hands truly were cold.

I was mostly uncomfortable because the rings that I wore were pressing against my fingers so hard.

I am still missing Encem. Between our work and his trips back to Kuantan, I don't get to see much of him. His father isn't doing so good, so I am trying my very best to be the understanding girlfriend. Which I do -- understand. So I don't get mad. Just sad..

I could probably count the hours that I had seen him this month so far.

We spent a few hours just talking last night. I'd missed that. It's little things like that that reminds me why I am with him in the first place.

Why I feel the way that I feel.

Why I get so emotional sometimes to a point where I feel like I should check myself to a psych-ward.

Aaaanyway, I hope things work out for the best.

I know he's not feeling his best, having to be away from his father's side at a time like this.

Our job sucks... when it comes to these sort of things.

Speaking of fathers, I haven't spoken to mine in weeks. We had a little spat over some stupid thing and now, like always we're duelling with our egos.

Let's call it principle. Or stubbornness; it sounds much better than "ego", right?

My father is a stubborn man.

I'm just giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Let's just say that my stubbornness is my super-power. Be it a dark one, at least I'd seem cooler.

I do feel evil for talking to everyone else in the family but my dad.

Moving on, I am the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life!

"become a hot-stuff" -- MY ASS!

Weighing at 56.5 kilos with flabby everything, I am nowhere near to being a hot-stuff!

Encem says that it's a sign of happiness, since he too had gained a little weight.

Oh well, maybe I am.. Happy.

Just maybe.

I thank God for my present weightless heart and calm mind.

I thank God for words. Ones that flows from my heart to my lips and through my fingers as I am typing this.

I thank God for my life. The family that I was born into, the paths that had led me to my job, to Encem.

I thank God for my sanity.

Alhamdulillah..

Retraction.

Aku tarik balek umpatan aku pasal captain semalam..

Tetiba teringat dalam banyak banyak kali dia call ke cockpit tu, ada sekali dia just suruh tengok view kat luar; matahari terbenam selari dengan bulan naik.. Apparently it only happens during full moon.
So yeah.. disebabkan itu, aku rasa aku tak patut cakap tak elok pasal dia. hihi..
The view was.. extraordinary.
Sumpah, sangat cool.

And that is why my friends, I adore my job!
Even when I have to do BLR, MLE, CMB or HYD.. nothing compares to the view of the moon, the city lights and sunrise from up above.
My work feeds my obsession with the sky. hehe

Holes inside.

Bestie finally showed me One Day starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess. (That is one fine man.. not hot, nor handsome. More to cute really.)

Made me think about soulmates.. (I can honestly say, that must be one of my favourite topics!)

Sometimes I wonder if Encem was truly meant for me.. or the other way round.

Sometimes I feel like it's better to not have found your soulmate.

In a way, if it doesn't turn out great.. you could say, "oh well.. he/she had never been my soulmate in the first place."

Whereas when you found "it".. and somehow things still doesn't turn out great, you'd have nothing to blame. Nothing to say.

Or it does turn out great.. you get married.. have beautiful children.. sleep in each other's embrace each night.. grow old together.... And one of you dies.

Then you'd be left with a hole in the heart.

Hmmph!

Sometimes I wish that I was never in love in the first place.

Getting burned, I can handle.

Being left with a hole...

The thought just scares the crap out of me.

Anyway, I'm missing my boyfriend..

We keep missing each other because of work. My heart is simply aching, and I don't think he has any idea how that feels.

Now on to work.. (Distractions.. distractions..)

The other day, a passenger asked for a warm beer.

Yes.

WARM beer.

When I told him that all our beers are chilled because it's meant to be served chilled, he instructed me to put the beer can in hot water. pffft! Pandai lah kau nak mengajar aku..

I was called up to Delhi on Monday and dear God, I was prepared for the passengers.. but the Bollywood Crew on my flight was hopeless!! I wasn't proud of it, but I admit.. I cursed a lot during the flight. And you could say that I was kiiinda bitchy that day.

My patience was thinning, so yeaaah..

And on a flight where everyone else was only catered ONE meal.. and us cabin crew had time only to have our meal ONCE.. the captain asked to have another go at the extra meals forty minutes before landing!

Pandai kan? Dahlaa makan dua kali.. Just before landing lak tu.. macam lah orang senang lenang sangat, nak layan dia sorang. pffft!

Lepas ni aku nampak captain ni, aku request awal awal taknak keje depan or keluar jalan or makan ngan dia! (Ada cerita lain tapi panjang nak taip.. malas. hehe)

Last week I spent the entire night talking with Chacha in BKI. He was doing some other flight but we were both nightstopping there that night. It was really nice. Been so long since I actually stayed up all night.. just talking. I've met a bunch of people, working in this line, but really.. to have someone that you could talk to for a whole night with is a rare find. Lepak bilik, minum kopi, smoke.. Cerita pasal life.. langsung tak masuk pasal company or gosip gosip. Instead of meeting again for breakfast, kitorang pegi breakfast dulu baru lah reti nak tido.

Terasa cam time time study dulu.. hahahha!

And my good friends had always been boys... pffft!

Oh well, I should head to bed now.

Macam tak letih je balek dari Delhi, sedangkan tulang belakang ni dah bunyik cam letup letup dah!

Wandering heart.

Happy.
Memang happy.
Happy tak bertempat kot?

I had the most fun in KK this past two days. Usually it's so boring even when there's a bunch of crew nightstopping there. I flew with Arep's course-mate. He'd told me to look for his friend a few times, and I had seen him around. Felt it was weird if I just came up to him and asked about Arep without being properly introduced. So it was cool to have finally been rostered together.
I also had my batchgirl; Sally, in the set! So really.. it was a cool flight! (Plus, our supervisor was really nice.) I liked the set a lot!

I didn't get much sleep, but it was a good trip. I don't mind losing some sleep. Not exactly something new. (In the past four days, I can honestly say that I'd only slept for a total of twelve hours! ..okay, that's crazy come to think of but that does not make it any less true.)

So anyway, now I'm home.. with two days off..
I better get a loooong sleep tonight.
But first, I need to go and remove my make-up. (Came home three hours ago and I'd only changed clothes before getting stuck writing this! hahahha!)

Been a while..

Hello!

I suppose you could say that I've been relatively happy lately. Hence the lack of posts; that are usually filled with my contempt with work, relationship or the world. hehe.

Oh I just noticed that I didn't say anything about Mumu's wedding!!
Somehow it feels weird to think that she's married. hahahaha! Knowing how wild and crazy she can get.. Oh well, congrats Mumu!! Would love to see the pictures soon..

Roster's been unexciting. Although I did have fun on my two trips to Penang. We've been getting a full day off in Penang on our roster this month.. and I truly enjoyed my trip. My set on the first trip was a super fun bunch. We rented a car, went to Batu Feringghi, they got on a banana boat (I wasn't dressed for the occasion.. sigh) spent the whole day driving around and had good food.

In the end we only slept for two hours before our flight the next day..
I can't complain.. I had so much fun that day!

Pay day came super early this month. Yeaah.. I needed that, but it's scary when you think about it.
I really should start saving up.

2012

People say that the world is going to end..

I suppose this means that one should go BIG or not go at all..

Resolutions?

I might have some. Last year's was so insignificant and half-heartedly made so I don't see the point of reviewing it.

This year.. well, I've made one so far; that is to become a hot-stuff. HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!

I know how ridiculous it sounds. I can't even say it with a straight face. But I do wish for a hot-bod. Three days in of the new year, yesterday I had nasi lemak for breakfast then nasi briyani for lunch! I don't see how that helps towards having a hod-bod but I'm not stressing over it.

I think I also want to save money.. Actually start saving up instead of just saying that I want to.

Last night Dida and I were talking, reminiscing about our time in Europe.. Then Rai Whatsapp me out of nowhere during the day, telling me that he's still in Germany.. Then later in the evening Dida and I went to see Sherlock Holmes : Game Of Shadows and the protagonists were travelling through Paris, Germany and Switzerland..

A sign?

You know I would think so.

I just have a few things that I want to buy (ehem!) and then I can start saving up. I could start by controlling my impulsive buying. And for that, I should NOT be online when I am bored.. Bahahahahhaha!!

I want to write more.

Control my manic emotions.

Manage my anger.

Also, read more books!

I notice lately that my patience towards stupid people is dwindling and it doesn't help when I feel like I am becoming moronic myself. I would end up being angry at myself, which isn't good.. I suppose I'd imagined myself being more calm and collected as I grow older.

I'll be turning twenty-eight by the end of the year and I can't help but feel like I've been wandering in life aimlessly.

So I hope I'll be wiser.

Here's to the new year; may we all keep fighting for our goals.. and sanity!

Kahlil Gibran had said; Desire is half of life, Indifference is half of death. So yeah, there's no harm in wanting, as a matter of fact it is encouraged!

Happy New Year, my dear readers..

dot dot dot

I'm bored...

I just spent the last thirty minutes trying out the new Maybelline foundation I bought yesterday.. mm.. all dolled up with no place to go.

Anyway, my birthday turned out alright..

Despite Encem annoying me by leaving me all to myself while I was getting ready for work. He always does that; disappearing just when I'm about to leave for a while. pfft!

Moving on, I was happy enough to know earlier on that I was flying with a friend. (I always get nervous doing an Airbus flight, so having a friend around helps BIG time.)

Thinking that I was surely going to be put as a galley steward, my supervisor surprised me by putting me as cabin stewardess! yayyy! (And he maintained my working position on the way back too! yippeee!)

It had been a good flight to and fro. And I had fun walking around with Amy. We spent the morning in Citigate.. went to central Hong Kong in the afternoon.. and actually even went to Kowloon in the evening!!

A full day well spent.

Oh ohh! And I guess it's the culture.. At the end of day when we arrived in Hong Kong, my set crew actually sung Happy Birthday to me in the hotel lobby and chipped in to give me a pressie from the sales cart! hahahhaha!

Oh well.. it was nice.

Okay, I better go away and sit somewhere quietly before I yap about money and bills..

hahahhahahha!

High Eleven.

Suppose I'm in the writing mood this week.

Anyway, I had a good day.. Despite falling asleep at 6:30 in the morning and got called up exactly at 8:00 for a 12:35 flight which was scheduled to touchdown at 7:40 in the evening.
Aaaaaand.. I am still awake at this hour!
Well, my father did once casually say that I was a nocturnal creature.

But if my opinion counts at all, I would say that I am more of a morning person. I prefer getting my day start early than some time in the afternoon; I'd feel like I have wasted half a day doing nothing worth while. Same goes when it comes to work. The duty officer had offered me another flight with a shorter flight time and later reporting time but I guess since my sleep was ruined, and I was never really the type that could go back to sleep when that happens, might as well I just get up -- and work.

Don't I sound boring.

I had awesome people to work along yesterday, and because I was a joining crew, I worked with TEN people! Two different sets of crew but equally entertaining and awesome! So yeah.. Alhamdulillah..
Then on the way back from the airport I shared the transport with Adi and this one other guy who wouldn't stop talking about things that I didn't mind listening to. hahahaha!
That, my friend.. is a very rare happening.

So I get the day off today..
I couldn't decide on how to spend it. Stay at home? Wander aimlessly outside? After all, it IS just one day.. But.. It is the day before my birthday! -- the birthday which I will have to spend in an aircraft.. pretending to be vigilant.. serve food and drinks to strangers while smiling 'til my teeth hurts.
Yes, I know you can't exactly hurt your teeth, but you get it.

I'll be in Hong Kong on my birthday, Manila on Dida's birthday, Jakarta on Christmas and Kota Kinabalu on New Year's...
#crewlife..
I'm not exactly cheering though..

Ombak Rindu

So where do I begin..

I guess it started a week ago while I was in the saloon.
I saw a booklet of IKEA's Christmas stuff and saw a pair of cute slippers and I had to have! Seeing that there wasn't any call by 2 o'clock (I was on standby from 8 am 'til 4 pm) I asked Dida if she had any plans for the day.
She did.
She was going out with her friends to look at some cars and said that they'll pick me up after. Yayyz!

Sometime in the afternoon she called and asked if I could book some tickets for the movie online. I was hesitant  Mostly on principle (I don't really watch Malay movie.. or drama.. or what ever) but if she had insisted, I would have anyway. But she didn't.
So yeeaaah.. I thought we won't be doing that.
I have to admit though, I was curious about the movie since everyone raved about it.

Dida picked me up at 7, we went to have dinner and while we went to IKEA, her friends went to get tickets!!!

Mmm.. that was a long intro.
Just thought I'd do it How I Met Your Mother style. hahahahahha!!
Okay.. now.. the movie itself.

Characters were WEAK.
Editing was BAD.
Background music; AWFUL.
Shots were DISGRACEFUL.

Sure, I probably should not talk about shots and editing since I only studied that for a few semesters but.. ick! The change from one scene to another was HORRIBLE!! Things were out of focus, lines suddenly stopped halfway, and at one point there was some random person walking at the back of the scene!

Background music.. was basically the saaaame song being played again and again. It was annoying as heck! I don't think people genuinely like that soundtrack. They had just been brainwashed into thinking that they loved it! That song really stuck in your head and won't go away.
You know how in Hindi films, they would use that ONE song for a bunch of scenes but they would change the beat a bit and lose the lyrics.. well, not in this film! They keep using the same tune.. WITH the lyrics! Again.. and again.. and again..
Yes, it's probably a good song (I can honestly say that the lyrics were nice) but to have it keep repeat-peat-peat-peat-peating throughout the movie is just bloody annoying!!!

And oyy, the characters.. WEAK!! SO FRIGGIN' WEAKK!! If it was based on real people, boy.. these are one bunch of stupid people thrown together. Kudos to the actors though. That's the only thing that I can say positively about this movie. The actors were truly embracing their (stupid) characters. They believed that they were these people.

If I could sum the two-hour film into one word, it would be -- OVER-RATED!
I am honestly shocked -- no, appalled that THIS is what Malaysian thinks is "good". Seriously, people? 5.2 million.. for this?
Perhaps I should find the novel and see if it was well written to begin with.
But.. err yeaah.. The likelihood of that happening is very slim.

Anyway, I had a good night. Despite the bad movie (I wouldn't say it was disappointing; to be disappointed one would have to expect something to begin with) I had a good time with Dida and her friends -- mostly laughing inappropriately. Still laughing nontheless.
Plus my curiosity was fed. Good to know that I haven't missed much when it comes to the local entertainment scene.
I can go back to being the indifferent pompous jackass that I'd always been without guilt.

Biding time.

PMS sucks!

Okay, I thank God that I've been lucky for not getting those cramps that other girls get at that time of the month.

But my emotions go haywire. It sucks. Big time.
For instance, I cried listening to James Morrison's Right By Your Side last night. Pffft! And it wouldn't stop for a good hour.
So yeah.. SUCKS!!

I'll be on standby starting tomorrow for four days. I never liked being on standby. I hate it when I get woken up by a call from a person who tells me that I have to work!! Pffft!
SUCKS!

And I'll turn 27 in less than a week.. Ughhh! I really feel old. Especially when the people around me are evolving into someone's wife, husband, mother, father.. Bahh!
It feels so wrong when truthfully I feel happier when I don't think about marriage in the first place!
What the heck is WRONG with me?!

And I'm pissed a lot because I'm not really saying what I really mean to say.. "Secret secrets are no fun, secret secrets hurt someone.."
Yeaah, that's just me most of the time. I wasn't designed to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself and yet here I am... Beating around the bushes.
This isn't me.
I am hating this person that I've become.

Anyway, now I'm obsessed with Tiga Suara's Beribu Sesalan.. Berangan nak karok ngan Dida and Kina. Berangan lah boleh nyanyi that high pitch. Hah!

I need to get away from myself.

Crazies.

So, last night while I was doing a flight from Alor Setar, back to Kuala Lumpur..
A passenger said to me, "you look tired..."

KAU GILA AKU TAK PENAT??!
I got up at 8 in the morning, reported for duty at 11.. did Bali and back; which was full with heavy drinking foreigners, and instead of going home after a three hour flight each way, we had to do Alor Setar and back! Bloody rostering..

Of course, I only said that in my mind.. But I did told that passenger I couldn't wait to get home. I was so excited about getting home that even the passenger seated a few rows behind could hear me.
Anyway, I thank God that I got a wonderful set yesterday. I was tired, yes, but those group of people pretty much made my day.
Alhamdulillah.

Last week Dida and I went to Singapore to visit the H&M store. I know. We're nuts. We'd been planning this trip ever since we got the news that they're opening a store there. That was like, March? The store opened in September but we didn't have the time to go earlier.

Luckily I got three days off while the rest of the office-people are getting a long weekend. (Awal Muharram holidays.)

Another reason to go to Singapore; I need to get to the HRCs again!! Bahahahaha!!

So after my BKK flight on the 25th, I quickly changed my uniform to normal clothes to catch the last flight to Singapore! Encem was working that flight. heehee. Dida was already in Singapore, she drove all the way with a friend.

Funny thing happened while I was checking-in.. There was a guy standing behind the lady at the counter. His friends were telling him to go away and leave me alone. I myself couldn't help staring at him because he'd seemed SO familiar. Then I heard his friends calling him Faridz..

I had to ask him where he's from.

"Shah Alam."

So I laughed.. because he was really a friend from school!

Anyway, we ended up walking around the departure hall and hung outside to smoke while I waste some time before my flight. Funny to have bumped into him like that. Amusing that I've been working for more than two years and only now I found out that he'd been working at the airport for almost nine years!

So anyway, I had a good trip. Managed to get a pin from HRC T3! yippee!

The only HRC in an airport is in Changi Terminal 3. So yeah.. In two days I managed to go to five HRC! T3, Singapore, Singapore Hotel, Sentosa.. and Melaka!

Now, Melaka's Cafe isn't open yet but their Rock Shop is and it seems like the only people who worked there were male. Hmmm..

mm okay. I'm tired of typing. I feel like getting an ice-cream.

東京!

If you have 24 hours in Tokyo...
How would you spend your day?

Well, I suppose I wasn't much of a tourist nor a traveller..
I was just a girl with a mission.
Instead of going to Disneyland or visit the Tokyo Tower or even take a photo with Hachiko, I decided to hit all the Hard Rock Cafes that was within reach! bahahhahaha!
I'm nuts. I know.

So basically I don't really have a picture of myself in Tokyo.. Except maybe this;

hahahahahha!
Anyway, I had a good time even when I had spent most of the day in the train.
Feels kinda proud that I didn't get lost, not even once. heehee!

**the red 'X' marks the closest train station to the hotel while the purple 'X' were the places that I went to.

So.. four HRC in one day.. And there will be a remake of this insanity in a few days.. (in someplace else though..)
I got really cute pins while I was visiting all those HRC.. so yeah.. I was doing something I truly enjoyed in those few hours I got. It was raining all day anyway. So thank God I wasn't so keen on sight-seeing.

Met Hafiz Karim for the first time. teehee! I find it amusing how I had to be in Tokyo to finally meet him.

And now I'm back home.. spending the day off with Encem before going back to Shah Alam tomorrow.. *grins*

Deteriorating.

Flu.
Blocked ears.
Snot oozing.
Food has no taste.

Meds not working.

Bad mood.
Tokyo tomorrow night.
Pfftt!

Piss off!

Bruised and battered.

So...
My heart took another beating.
I really don't know how long I can take it anymore. I suppose if I read through my Moleskine, it's pretty clear that I go back and forth every week -- pretty much since the first week!
So what does that say about me?
Indecisive?
Madly in love??

Pffft! If that's what it is.. I don't think I would've started had I known..
Perhaps I would be satisfied with mediocrity. I may never learn how to be happy so I might as well accept being mediocre.

Anyway, I am currently out of town. Bored. Sleepless. Lonely as ever.
Running out of cigarettes because I had nothing else better to do and losing any interest to food. Bah!
I pray that I won't pass out or anything of the likes when I need to work.

Doing anything in a foul mood just blows, really..

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

$_$

I shall refrain from blogging about money.. uuuh...

I suppose I can be quite a big spender.. sometimes. But really, I blame my sucky roster for giving me boring flights and pretty lousy allowances that restraints my livelihood. hahahaha!

Oh well, I'm not doing too bad really. I'm just grumpy that I can't shop carelessly like a couple of months back. These past two months (and next month too, by the looks of it!) I only have enough to pay my bills, rent and food. (And yes, I do get to spend luxuriously on food..)

I'm just being a brat, is all..

I had wanted to buy yet another Lomo camera (pffft!) but I guess that one will have to wait. I'll just worm my way around getting something else for the time being.

*manic laugh* Yes, my friends.. instead of accepting that I can't afford one thing so I'll just put away what I have for next time, I decided to get something else that I can afford! hahahaha!

ughhh.. I probably need help.

I have enough camera anyway.. (I'm trying to convince myself that!) What I don't have is a magnet thingy for my artsy-crafty crap. heehee. Perhaps I'll show you what I'd do with it once it arrives.

Oh, I saw Good Will Hunting for the first time yesterday.. I suppose I should've seen it a couple of times at least, but I don't know.. I guess I thought that I've seen it before but I just couldn't remember a thing about it..? haha! Anyway, it was a really good watch.

The moment Matt Damon started seeing Robin Williams (who played as a psychiatrist) I knew why the film won so many awards.. I love love LOVE the speech in the park..

The day before that I watched Last Night, starring Kiera Knightley, Sam Worthington and Eva Mendes. mm.. yeah, I hated that one. Mostly because I found it too heavy for my heart.. or brain. What ever. It's really a simple sort of movie.. Kinda straight forward. Just kinda..

I find myself thinking too much about how it ended, really.

The difference between a man and a woman..

I've been getting too many off days lately, it's a wonder how I manage to NOT shop until today.. bahahha!

Singapore layover later this evening.. I gotta remind myself to ask the hotel something I'd been meaning to ask. Oooh I really can't wait for my trip with Dida later in the month!

It's going to be a mini-Hard Rock Cafe tour. I was hoping to finally get my hands on some T3 pins! rawrr! I find it quite ludicrous that there are FOUR friggin' Hard Rocks in Singapore!

And yes, I've been to three of them but I wasn't enrolled in the Pin Collector's Club before.. So now I have to go back. (mm yeah, it's a bit too complicated to explain and I'm lazy. I doubt you'd be interested to read it anyway. Let's just say I'm a seriously obsessed Pinhead.) We're really going to have a look at the H&M store.. but while we're at it, you know. Plus, we could stop over in Melaka on the way back to visit the new HRC!

Bahahahahha!

Aaah.. so many plans this month.. Kinda.

heehee.

Kisah Bisul Pecah.

#crewlife

Kelmarin aku balek dari 4-days trip yang boleh lah tahan meletihkan. Sector-wise, first dengan last day je yang buat kerah tenaga habis habisan. Tapi.. aku dapat lah pulak set yang kaki makan/jalan... Sekali sekala dapat one whole set yang sama wave length ngan kau, takkan kau nak lepaskan peluang, ye dak?

So first day tu, KUL/TWU/KUL/KBR.
Sampai Kota Bharu dah dekat midnite. Kebiasaan crew akan keletihan dan pilih untuk duk dalam bilik order room service ataupun lupakan saja niat nak makan lalu terus tidur.. Tapi set aku tak; sampai di lobby, dapat kunci bilik, tanya front desk kat mana ada kedai still bukak -- "Okay, 10 minit turun eh."
So naik cepat cepat, taruk barang, tukar baju cam pelesit, kencing sat pastu turun!
Memang semua orang turun, kecuali Captain.. (Co-pilot memang kaki jalan, aku tau dah sebab kitorang nitestop KHH sama last month.)

Alhamduliilah, malam tu Leading aku belanja kitorang makan.. Macam tau tauuu je aku memang sengkek abes. Actually gaji dah masuk aritu, tapi aku pun belum sempat gi ATM. Alhamdulillah lagi, gaji masuk awal...
Pastu kitorang jalan balek ke hotel sambil plan esok nak brunch apa..

Pagi esok, kul sebelas kitorang jalan jalan carik nak makan apa. Kali ni Captain ikut sekali. Aku, co-pilot ngan dua stewardess tapau nasi kerabu kat stall pastu rendezvous ngan yang lain kat restoran. (Captain tak makan kat stalls kot.. pfft!) Nasi kerabu, co-pilot belanja.. Air ngan lauk tambahan kat restoran tu Captain bayar.. Alhamdulillah...

Petang tu kitorang fly KBR/KUL/KCH lak.. Tuka dah tech crew.
Alkisahnya, Captain kali ni landing entah cemana ntah.. boleh tahan kuat la hentaknya. Dah keluar kapal malam tu, stewardess aku yang sorang ni dengan tak segan silu pegi gurau sama Captain kata bisul dia pecah sebab landing tu. hahaha. Dengan Captain baik, kau bole la gurau camtu eh...

So malam tu kitorang ramai ramai keluar makan lagi.. Aku layan sotong penyet ngan pisang goreng cheese. Captain ni lak belanja.. Mungkin sebab rasa bersalah. haha! Apa apa pun, Alhamdulillah..
Plan brunch sama lagi esoknya..
Kul sebelas pagi dah kenyang mee kolok. Tak sempat Captain nak kuar duit, steward aku dah gi baya diam diam.. Murah rezeki sorang sorang. Air, Captain tak sempat pape dah hulur cepat cepat.

Flight untuk third day cuma KCH/MYY/KCH.
Balek tu pun tuka baju, terus keluar sebab nak jalan jalan kat The Hills kejap. Tengok tengok barang sikit tapi tak beli apa pun. Kul 7:30 dah jumpa yang lain kat tempat makan.. Malam ni baruuu lah keluar duit sendiri..

Esok tu balek KL empat sektor; KCH/BKI/SDK/BKI/KUL.
Bapak letih, dengan flight full nyee.. Banyak kerenah semuanya. Tapi entah kenapa kitorang pun good mood je. Aku siap kene marah ngan pax yang sorang ni sebab katanya aku tak kasi dia air lagi.. bebel ntah pape la dia, sampai kan pax yang sebelah dia suggest kat aku suh kasi dua kotak air kat orang tu terus. hahaha! Dah aku terhibur kat situ walaupun kene bebel.

And sempat pulak ada pax kasi message ni kat aku;

hahaha takleh blah..
Dahlaa bukan aku pun yang serve dia time service. Tetiba je..
And kat penghujung flight tu, ada pax lain lak hulur duit kat Leading on the way dia keluar sambil cakap, "lunch is on me.." Ewahh! Dapat lah kitorang RM 20+ sorang.. Cover balek duit makan aku malam sebelum tu! hahahahahha Alhamdulillah...

Some days I can't help but feel.. dilindungi Tuhan. hahahahha! Trust me to romanticize things.. Tapi ye lah, time aku sengkek yang amat, time tu la pula adaa saja orang tolong hulur. Alhamdulillah sangat.. Dan flight yang ala ala siot pon aku end up terhibur. I feel so lucky and blessed..

Roster bulan depan tak memberangsangkan, tapi aku still bersyukur.. Aku masih ada kerja. Aku masih suka kerja aku walaupun ada malas tu kadang kadang. Ada lima malam kat Kuching next month. Muntah darah bila difikirkan, tapi tak apalah.. Aku patut fikir positif buat masa ni. Timing cuti aku sedap je -- Dida plan nak pegi Singapore lagi. hehe! And I am rostered for Haneda. Alhamdulillah.. Walaupun short stay, sempat la merasa sebelum B777 amek that route.
Nantikan kedatanganku, Hard Rock Cafes! Akan ku jajahi semuanyaaa! bahahahhaha!!

Aku kena tuka duit cepat cepat so aku tak terbelanjakan.. hehe..

I'd forgotten..

..The last time I really really felt poor.
Okaylaa.. I probably used that word a few weeks ago, tapi haritu punya sengkek tak seteruk kali ni. Duit kat tangan tak sampai lima puluh ringgit, kat both Maybank and CIMB; even collectively tak sampai seratus! Lepas tu esok start four-days trip.
Sedih.
Ada la kan duit yang aku sorok sorok tu, tapi.. I'm really hoping not to touch it!
Tapi mampu ke aku bertahan untuk tak sentuh duit tu sampai gaji masuk? Soalan paling penting, cukup ke duit aku untuk pegi trip empat hari ni? Takkan aku tak sekali pun keluar makan, kan?

Alkisahnya, mungkin aku terlebih belanja bulan lepas.. Gara gara membayar bil credit card bulan lepas, duit aku ala ala cukup makan je to sustain me 'til the next pay day. But I guess I overlooked my bank statement. Rupanya duit yang ala ala cukup makan tu, belum tolak lagi duit insurance.
Maka pada malam tiga belas haribulan selepas aku withdraw RM100 dari CIMB haritu.. terkejut beruk sat bila tengok balance kat resit tinggal RM43.30.
Hmmmmmph!

Selepas kejadian tu aku masih tenang.. I know I had another two hundred in my Maybank.
And yet bila pagi tadi aku tengok M2U, balance tinggal RM80 -- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!!
Lalu aku pon tengok lah Account Details...
So.. I bought something online a few months back but the item was backordered. In the case where an item is backordered, usually the store is pre-authorised to debit the amount once the item is available and shipped.
SEKARANG LAH KANNN KAU BARU NAK AVAILABLE?! Syialan..
Hmmmmphhhhh!!!

It is all bad timing, really. Dida reckons that I suck at managing my money, but I don't think so. I know how to control my spending. I wouldn't have spent as much last month if I know that I couldn't afford it -- but I can. And as for the overlooking my insurance; the auto-debit was on a later date last month.. that's why I overlooked it. The pre-authorization? Manalahh aku tau dia nak tolak bulan ni pulak kannnnn?
Adoi.. Wrong timing.
Anyway, lesson of the month? Lain kali jangan tinggalkan duit cukup cukup makan je.. pfft!

It's been a good day, by the way.
Encem left for his trip but I wasn't left alone for long. I'd spent the day with Ablen after sooooo long not seeing him. Made me miss the Original Members. hehe. Rindu zaman melepak ramai ramai with MY friends. I guess these days I only hang out with people who are also friends with Encem -- or really, Encem's friends! It's been such a long long time since I met up with MY friends.

Nothing wrong with hanging out with Encem's friends, tapi kadang kadang tu terasa bosan.. I'd feel like an outsider. They share a history and speak in a different language. I don't necessarily feel comfortable, mostly sebab aku rasa macam penyebok. Kemana Encem pergi, ke situlah juga aku ikut. Not exactly the sort of girlfriend I want to be, really.

So, thank you so so much Ablen for asking me out! The timing -- was PERFECT. hehe.

Semalam lak pegi Muar untuk sambungan Tea & Coffee Program haritu! It was a really good trip. I felt like I learned something -- langsung tak macam pegi BOH haritu.. pshh! Perhaps being a coffee-lover made the difference, but I'd say that it was the host! They were an awesome bunch of people!
I'm really really glad that I signed up for the program. I've got an email to write of the trip, but alahai malasnyee.. Maybe once I get back from work.

Heart is so Jetlagged.

In the mood of listening to cheesy songs.

Anyway, back to work. My holiday felt really short. My sister was irked with me most of the time because it was pretty hard to get me to stop watching the telly. Haha!
I don't know.. I guess these days my idea of a holiday is simply to chill.. Do what ever I felt like doing.
Unfortunate for her that I just happen to want to be a couch potato on our holiday.

Of course eventually I decided to leave the room and join her under the sun. I would say that it was a well-earned holiday! I got my rest.. A funny looking tan-line.. And yeah, our mandatory jumping pics! Bahahahaha!

The nights were spent under the full moon.. My favourite parts, really. I don't know why but the moon always makes me think.
Dan disebabkan aku lupa diri, golek golek atas rumput lak, akibatnya naik rashes. Pshhhh!
My skin's getting really sensitive lately! Sucks.

Oh. Hmm.. Feeling the need for inspiration now. I miss writing about things in general rather than what I've been up to. Sounds real vain! Hahahaha..
If you actually know me in real life, you'd realize that I don't speak of half the things that I write in here..
So unnecessary...

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

#crewlife

Kompilasi minggu ini, hasil kerja aku dalam empat hari.. (yang aku teringat lah!)

W: What would you like to drink sir?
Pax: Do you have like cappucino....
W: I wish sir, but I'm afraid we only have plain coffee.
Pax: Alright then, coffee.

-----

Pax: The cabin is too cold.. Call the captain and tell him to adjust the temperature. I don't want to get sick.
W: ...sure *jalan laju laju ke galley untuk mengumpat sama Leading*

-----

W: *senyum ikhlas mesra* Good afternoon.. Today we are serving Fried Rice with Prawns Sambal and the second choice is Roti Putar with Chicken Curry.
Pax: *pikir pikir pikir pikir* Nasi Lemak?
W: *masih senyum* No sir, we have Fried Rice..
Pax: *discuss jap ngan member sebelah* Noodle?
W: *ketap gigi* We have Fried Rice and Roti Putar sir..
Pax: Fish?
W: *mata terbeliak sikit sebab tahan daripada menjeling* The Fried Rice is with Prawns and Roti Putar is with Chicken.
Pax: mm.. no noodle aa?
W: *suara sudah garang sikit* No noodles sir, just Rice and Roti Putar. Which one would you like to have?

dan bila dia ngan member dia dah decide, aku tengah pass makanan kat dia..

Pax: No noodle..?
W: No. *kasi makanan dan terus paling pandang pax lain..*

-----

W: Encik, harini kita ada Nasik Goreng ngan Sambal Udang, dengan Roti Putar ngan Kari Ayam..
Pax: Awak rekemen yang mana ye? Mana lagi sedap?
W: *takde mood sebab pax tadi* Dua dua pon biase makan, pada saya dua dua tak sedap.

huhuuu.. aku memang suka hati. Sungguh aku takde mood melayan pakcik pakcik yang lain macam friendly nye.. (Before service this pax dan rakannye memang sebok nak ajak aku berbual.. macam aku takde menda lain nak buat!)

-----

Kapal light load, time service kitorang keluar dua orang jaga satu cart. Aku distribute makanan, stewardess sorang lagi distribute air.. So stewardess sorang lagi tu lagi senang nak capai drinks.. Tengah kitorang nak buat collection dah;

Pax: Hello, one more Pepsi.
W: *rasa berbulu sebab dipanggil 'hello' tapi abaikan saja* sir, you can ask from my collegue.. *senyum*
Pax: *schweet schweet bunyik tikus ala ala rempit panggil pompuan lalu lalang*

Note, passenger ini adalah passenger yang sebok buang masa aku tanya pasal noodles tadi.

Sekian, wassalam..

Of perfections.

Yeaaah..
I was/am crazy, hence the previous entry.

To be truth, I am generally happy.
Apart from the outburst earlier, everything else in my life has been going on alright.

I've practically got my health back, Alhamdulillah.. I can easily forget that I still have the coughs, so it's okay.
I was on standby for the past three days; first day I was called up for BKK and back, and on the third day I did PEN and back! Super simple sectors, and I was absolutely free to go out on the second day!
Alhamdulillah..

So what exactly did I do on that second day?
I threw around some money, of course! HAHAHAHHA!! Bought the ONE thing that I've always always wanted for my bedroom; Cannon Silktex 400 thread count!
Look it up fellas..
I swear, now I wish to die in bed.
Thread count wise, it's not as high as Egyptian cotton would be.. but like I said, you should go out to the bedding section of your favourite departmental store and feel the awesomeness of Silktex yourself! heehee.

Anyway, I feel older for enjoying myself when I buy things for my home. Feels a bit.. less selfish, somehow..? Just kinda.

Next month's roster sucks ass. I am trying my best not to complain.. (Fact: I threw my Blackberry the moment I saw my roster in my email!) It was THAT bad. I'm still trying not to complain..
After all, I do have my annual beach-getaway with Dida to look forward to! yayyy! Finally!!

So yeah, maybe Sags are positive thinkers after all..
-- when you count out the emotional outbursts, of course! hahahha

Emo mthrfckrrr!

Are you worthy of having my whole heart?
Are you truly worthy of getting my unconditional love?
Pada kau la kan.. Layak ke engkau???!

I am barely hanging on. You don't seem to notice. God knows how hard I'm trying to hold on when in fact I am so tired.
So so tired.
Aku lelah hati ni.. Pusing pusing benda samaa je. You said that you're exposing yourself little by little so you'd seem to be a little mysterious.. So I wouldn't get bored.

Well, I am bored. So you FAILED! Ha - ha! I am bored of putting my heart out to be crushed by you again and again.
I'm tired and frustrated and half of my heart is already out the door.
And yet I'm still here. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'm just stupid for staying around.
I feel nothing but like a fool.

So thanks!
For 'helping' me become the fool that I am today. You're awesome just the way you are. All sunny and happy..
I don't belong with you, really.
Doesn't matter whether I hide my heart or actually speak out. Nothing ever changes.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Sentap lagi?

I wonder how I would be had I been a less-emotional person.
I know that you're not supposed to wish to be someone else, and I'm not really.. I'm just wondering.. Perhaps there is still time for me to become that person.

I want to feel less.
To not care.
To cry less.
To not hurt as much.

I'm in that sombre mood I suppose.
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around. I wish I was special..
And yes, I am quoting Radiohead because that is exactly how I feel at this very moment.

I'd love to wish for nothing. I want to be stoic. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm letting go.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong anywhere with you.

And yes, this entry is personal and general at the same time because I am crazy.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

To dream the dream..

Lately I've been speaking to people who reckons that I should be something else -- career-wise.
I find it... amusing how they have more faith in me than myself.
I wonder if my lack of enthusiasm in their suggestions were based on the fact that I am supposed to know myself best.. or just that I'm a scardy-cat underneath.
Fear of rejection keeps me stagnant. Unadventurous, if you like.

Honestly I don't even know.
That bit of me who dreams of being what I had always wanted to be is still alive.. somewhere inside. And I do realize that it's pretty easy to forget when I've been so busy juggling between my job and getting worked up over my personal life! (haha!)
I wish I have a definite answer to this question. (Was there a question?)

Maybe someday?
I do hope that I'd get the chance to somehow materialize that dream though.
Someday...
Definitely someday...
I would definitely jump into it whole-heartedly someday. (And I am typing this while grinning.. this sucks! I can't seem to take myself seriously somehow. ughhh!!)

Perhaps when I am more stable and calm.. Maybe then. (Still grinning.)

Funny how you always thought of doing something but always ended up doing something else.
I never imagined myself in the service industry honestly. I'm too brash and selfish. But somehow I enjoy being around people.
Oh well, maybe someday I will get to a point where I would write about them in a more.. err.. serious way.
Someday.

Oh by the way...

Does anyone feel like I'm getting a bit more.. stupid, lately?
I miss the days when I write like this.

Aku dan demam panasss.

(tiada dalam gambar; ubat batuk jenis cecair..)

Orang kata bila kita sakit, Tuhan ampunkan dosa dosa kecil kita.. Betul ke?
So kalau aku dah sakit since Raya kedua, apa maksudnya? Dosa aku banyak sangat sampai tak terampun dalam masa dua tiga hari? Dah Syawal ke-16 dah, ini aku tak kira time aku start dengan batuk time Ramadhan!

Okaylaa, aku jugak degil sebab taknak jumpa doktor. Siapa suka jumpa doktor kan? (Unless boyfren/girlfren korang doktor laa.. ataupun korang harapkan doktor tu bakal jadi boyfren/girlfren korang!) Lagi lagi dengan profession aku ni. Diorang tengok logo depan medical book aku je, diorang bajet aku nak mintak mc sebab malas keje. Memang bikin hati gua panasss. (terkeluar gangster kat situ.)
Jadi seperti biasa, selagi aku tak rasa sakit macam nak mati, memang aku takkan tunjukkan muka aku kat klinik.

So kelmarin baru lah aku pegi jumpa doktor.. Klinik biase aku adalah Klinik Anis kat Seksyen 3, Shah Alam. Itu memang klinik aku lah! Sejak aku kecik aku pegi situ, kad rekod aku dah kaler kuning kuning dah punye lah lama dah wujud.. Doktor yang bertugas, Dr. Asvinder kot namanye. Punye tere dia ni, aku cakap aku demam dia tanya aku patut fly mana.. Aku jawab Miri, dia kata "Alaa dekat je.." (Dekat dekat pun, pikap aku pukul 0530, duty end time adalah 1405.)
Lalu dia letak strip ala ala nak tengok power battery banyak lagi ke tak tu kat dahi, dan penuh terkejut bunyiknye dia cakap, "Oh, you demam!"
Aku pun reply, "Abestu you ingat I berlakon kee??"
Pastu dia tanya aku bila last mc... aku flip medical book aku yang berada di depan DIA dan jawab, "March.. Allergic amenda ntah.."
Nak tau apa dia respon lepas tu?
"Buat laa allergy test.. 1500 je.."
Ada dua tiga kali gak laa dia mengiklankan allergy test yang bernilai RM1500 tu kat aku.

So anyway, aku pulang dengan ubat demam, antibiotik, selsema, kahak, batuk dan mc untuk sehari.
Terima kasihlah Iqbal kerana sudi menjadi pak supir pada malam itu dari Bukit Jalil ke Shah Alam dan ke Bukit Jalil semula..

Keesokkan harinya aku pulang ke Shah Alam atas saranan Mama yang risau sebab Encem kerja, so takde sape nak jaga aku..
Dah jadi cerita harini lak.. Patutnya aku buat flight Hyderabad, tapi sungguh aku tak larat. Badan baru ala ala nak kebah demam, tak ke susah nak baik kalau asyik dikerah tenaga je? Maka aku pun ajak Dida yang sesuka hati amek EL harini, untuk bawak aku gi klinik.. dengan harapan supaya aku dapat mc lagi supaya aku dapat berehat.

Doktor kali ni namanya Dr. Gowdh. Dia tengok aku, amek kiraan nadi aku sambil ambik temperature aku pakai electronic thermometer. (Doktor aritu tak sentuh pun thermometer!) Selepas berapa saat ntah dia tengok bacaannya; 39°C! Hahahahhaha.. tak sempat aku nak berlakon sakit, rupanya memang aku masih sakit! Ni paling best.. pada hari yang aku rasa macam ala ala nak kebah ni, suhu aku adalah 39°C!! hahahahaha! Aku tak tau nak cakap apa dah.. Time haritu aku rasa miserable abes tu suhu aku berapa?? 41°C??

So kesimpulannye aku memang terer demam. Takde nye nak demam sikit sikit. Kalau nak demam terus demam panas. Siap doktor ni cakap, kalau by esok tak elok lagi aku patut pegi Medical Centre untuk buat blood test! huhuuu.. Aku pon tak tau lak demam aku seganas ni.
Tapi semalam mimpi aku memang tak tenang laa.. dok terpikir Hyderabad laa.. tetiba ada pasal Pune laa.. Aku pon tak tau laa.. Naseb tak meracau dalam Hindi je..

Nak dijadikan cerita lagi, dalam dua hari aku call Duty Officer, dua dua kali aku bercakap ngan orang orang cibai. Entah apa masalah diorang ntah, jawab telefon pun lambat! Bila aku sebut "117" je nada diorang jadi lain. Macam laa aku ni kaki mc sangat. Ini first time aku mc flight Indian-route kot! I doubt diorang perasan la kan.

So anyway, I hope Karma will get their asses. Aku taknak doa specific, aku tak sampai hati. Kalau kalau memang aku ada tulah Raden ke Pangeran Jawa keee.. tak pasal pasal je. Aku memang pemarah, tapi rasanya belom lagi tahap busuk hati..
Also, kepada sahabat handai dan juga penumpang penumpang yang kurang bernasib baik, naik flight aku dari 31 Ogos sampai 10 September haritu.. harap maaf ye kalau virus virus aku dah termelekat kat korang. Sungguh, tak disengajakan..

So I'll ask nothing..

Last month I wrote to myself; no lingeries for two months!
hmmmphhh!!!
Bloody Victoria's Secret and its offers..

 So my "plan" to save up failed once more.
In my defense though.. It's not completely my fault! I was born a girl after all.. and isn't it a fact that the female sex is weaker to temptations? (Ask Eve! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!)
Oh well.. not everything that I bought are for myself.

Things to buy once I get this month's pay (yes, I've already thought of it!); film scanner (I've looked it up at Low Yatt the other day.. I don't care, I'm getting one!) and an Instax for Izzati's birthday!
Apparently my niece is into photography as well.. and she especially loved my Instax after she had the chance to play around with it during our Raya photo-sesh. So I suppose it is my aunty-duty to encourage her...
sigh.. How do you get an 8-year-old to understand that photography is an expensive hobby though?

 Anyway... Nothing much going on lately other than my stormy mood.
I think I just need to stop having expectations.. Stop asking for things.. Stop dreaming..? hahahaha! I am going to sound nothing but morbid if I continue.
Oh.. hmmph.. Sometimes I forget what I want.

 #crewlife
I kinda made a lady cry before flight today. Apparently she and her husband and baby checked in late earlier so they were seated separately. I couldn't simply change their seats since she was at row 14; where the emergency exits were. Anyway, I left her for a bit while I attend to the other passengers board and looking for a place for her and her family. (It was a full flight from KK.. naturally!)

Just right before the door closes, I managed to talk two ladies into giving away their seats so this family could sit together.. and when I walked to the earlier lady to tell her the news, I found her crying! I asked the poor man seated next to her if he knew what was up and he confusedly shook his head. What's worse, that lady seemingly unable to hear me say that I've found her two seats for her and her family. (The git!)
Anyway, I went to her husband and asked him to get her moving so the two good ladies could sit down. 

Moral of the story?
Ask, and you shall receive. (Unless you're me, that is!) Tapi tolong jangan mengada nak nangis nangis boleh tak? Dah besau panjang koooot.. Kat public koooot.. isyk! She herself knew that they were late to check in. So? Nangis buat apaa? Salah sendiri kan? Buat orang susah hati je.. Nyampah!

Part Of Your World.

Sometimes my brain gets a little funny by having that The Little Mermaid soundtrack on loop.
Might be embarrassing (and slightly pathetic) to admit this but I've cried to it once.
I guess I couldn't help but still feel so foreign even when I'm with friends. An outsider. I suppose it's just one of those things that you get when you're so adamant to be yourself. A little side effect to your quirks.

I never wanted to be a simpleton. Maybe in the way that I live, but never in my mind. But I can't help feeling like there's a constant battle inside of me that I can't seem to shake off.

Being typical sends me the shivers and yet at the same time I don't want to be so different that no one could understand me!
But that's how I feel most times anyway. Different, even when I'm not trying to be.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here!
Maybe I'm saying nothing..
Or maybe that I wish that some days.. Or at least someday.. Someone will finally get me. Someone who is ever so willingly to accept me for whoever that I am, no judgement. Someone that I can truly be myself with without fear. Someone whom catches me even before I fall. Someone who wouldn't have left me crying by myself if crying is what I felt like doing.

I can't help feeling so alone these days.
Patience is not my strong suit and I'm so tempted to wander off..

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Hole on my foot.

Apparently I am more accident prone when I'm unwell..

Hello readers! It's been a while!
Happy Eid-ul Fitr to all of you who celebrates it! I hope you guys paid your zakat, and remember how many days you missed during Ramadhan. heh!

My Raya was alright. At least I got the first day off and I still manage to beraya on the second day since my flight was in the morning.
Which reminds me.. I need to get an alarm clock!
(There's a long story that I don't feel like typing out, but to cut it short; I had a morning flight, and during the night my alarm AKA my bloody phone -- hanged! Pffft!)

Oh wow it's been such a long time.. I've been to Jakarta -- where I stubbornly went to HRC by myself -- and back. Went to Perth -- and got Jojo's phone number! (Hahahahhahahaha!! Sorry, inside joke *wink!*)

All the while being sick too! Fever, flu and cough is a terrible combo. A really terrible time to be on flight too!
Dear parents out there, I pray that you won't have to travel with your babies on a plane. The helplessness of not being able to help a child clear up their blocked ears is simply heartbreaking.

Good thing about being too busy to blog though; you won't have to read me write like a manic cow. Because pretty much, that's what I've been lately. Bloody mood swings.

Sometimes I feel sorry for Encem since he's the usual victim of my tantrums, but most times... Not really! If he'd taken better care of my heart I wouldn't have to be all emotional and crazy! Hahhahaha!

Oh well, you're going to die alone anyway. I should really get the words engraved to my brain. Romanticism makes me pathetic. I don't know why I need anyone to take care of me when I should be able to do it anyway. sigh..
Sometimes I wish I wasn't too much of a girl that I am.

Illusions of grandeur shall ruin me.

(See? Mood swings..)

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Sampai mati..

You're supposed to be more patient in the Ramadhan month.. The Holy month.
Lebih bersabar.. Lebih pemaaf..
It's not just about refraining yourself from eating and drinking, it's also about fighting off temptations and doubling your good deeds.

Time ni jugak kau akan nampak orang orang hipokrit, orang orang yang kuat buat alasan.. And people who surprises you (which happens to be my personal favourite!)

Aku suka bila fly, ada Cina or Indian yang puasa sama ngan kau. Dia tau sebab yang Muslim tengah puasa, so dia pun hormat, tak makan depan orang..
Tak ramai crew macam ni, tapi ada.. Aku suka!
Tapi ada juga yang ala ala tak larat, pukul 10 pagi dah berbuka.. Paling hebat, tech crew! Pastu berani tanya aku dah makan ke. Macam ni ke kau nak jadi leader? Haihh.. Sedih rasanya.

Then ada orang yang macam aku, yang tak buat anything different dari bulan bulan lain selain daripada tak makan dan minum waktu siang hari. Amalan baik yang aku buat -- sama. Benda tak elok yang aku buat -- sama. So orang takleh kata aku hipokrit. "Tak makan saman", YESS..

Anyway, here's a confession.. Harini aku banyak gila mencarut. Tapi yang hebatnya tak satu pun terlepas kat mulut. Dalam hati semuanya.. Tapi apa beza dalam hati ngan kalau sebut, ye dak? Sama je tak elok.

Sungguh aku sakit hati harini. Sakiiiiit sangat. Menyampah nak mampos sangat sampai aku MALAS nak carik makan untuk berbuka. Masih dikira ke puasa aku ni pun? Whatever, aku mogok lapar. Perasan jadi Gandhi kejap.

Apakah kesinambungan orang yang kau sayang sajalah yang boleh buat kau menangis? Memang buat aku marah. Aku taknak sayang sesape dah, boleh tak??
Aku letih bila toleh kiri kanan, aku takde sape pun yang boleh kasi pinjam bahu kejap. Lelah hati tau taakkk??

Fedap aku sikit sikit camni. Kau admit kau sayang aku, and yet tak sekali pon kau support my emotional needs. What the hell is your problem?!! And yes, it is YOUR problem sebab last time aku check aku tak mintak benda lain pon dari kau.
And yet sampai hati kau biar aku terkonting konting kat sini.. Sampai mati aku ingat.

Benci. I hate myself for hating all these people! Aku letih!!
Sudah.. No more shopping for me. Aku nak simpan duit banyak banyak pastu nak pergi jauh dari sini. Gi mampos semuanya!

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The good life.

I am truly loving life at the moment..
Alhamdulillah..
It's times like this when I just can't help being grateful to the life I've been given.

Anyway, currently in Incheon. Indubitably feeling glad that I was blessed with this part of my roster. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for an awesome 738 trip! Hahahha..
Good things comes to those who wait, my friends. heehee

My set were so-so, but I am really enjoying the company of one of my stewardesses.
She's an awesome Pisces. I bet I won't get the chance to fly with her again.. sigh.

Oh well, my bags are packed. I miss the comforts of home. I miss Encem even though I saw him in KK the other day. I'm excited to show Dida what I bought for her and Kina's Kiddies! I am also excited about the two days off I am getting.
Hehehe I miss home!!! Hihihihi

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Fixation with Photography.

It may not have show in this blog, but I really do love photography.
Been crazy about it since I was young.
Funny enough though, I never personally own a digital camera! The Konica-Minolta I've been using is actually Dida's. (Like a bunch of other things that I "own".. hahaha!)

What I do have is a Nikon SLR, Supersampler, Fujifilm Instax 210 and recently added to my collection is a Spinner 360°. Oh yes, I'm a film-freak!
I know I should probably own a DSLR by now but honestly I just couldn't be bothered by it -- just yet. Too bulky to carry around, and the one small enough that I might like costs too much. (And yes, I used the word "cost" instead of "worth" because like I said.. I just couldn't be bothered by it just yet.)

I remember my first functional camera being a Kodak point-and-shoot that I bought for fifty Ringgit. It didn't even come in a box! I think I was in standard five or six.. Fifty ringgit required some weeks of saving. And getting the films developed was pricey too! (Still is, honestly.)

Oh well, it did the job back then.
When I got to high school I joined the Photography Club -- which means free pass to leave the class when there were "events" in the school. Trust me to find a legit excuse to skip class. heh heh hehh.

Then I went to college and got the Nikon FM10 while my friends got themselves a semi-automatic.
Playing with the settings and the cable release are just too funny sometimes..
Oh well, I love this camera. I have no idea how old it really is. I bought it in 2004 in a second-hand shop in Pertama Complex. It takes awesome pictures. Well, I take awesome pictures.. hahahha! I get a different feel when I'm using an SLR instead of a point-and-shoot. I have to say that I miss using this camera. I still have it with me, it moves with me each time I move into a different place but I just couldn't bring myself to carry it around where ever. But I'd bring it to Europe again if I get the chance, definitely!

The Supersampler and Instax 210.. Captures movements in four frames and looks like a Polaroid respectively. I find it hard to take awesome pictures with these since you require natural light to get the best exposure. The picture will come out too dark if you take indoors with the Supersampler while using the flash on the Instax gives out a pretty harsh light on the subject. sigh.

So anyway, I haven't tried out my new toy though.. I'm assuming that it needs natural light as well, so I've gotta wait until I'm doing some outdoor activity. hahaha!

Oh yeah... since I've bought a bunch of lingerie this past month, I am trying to tell myself that I have enough -- so NO LINGERIE FOR TWO MONTHS! huhuuu.. I should make it three, but I know I can't help a good deal..
Been thinking about getting a film scanner, so I wouldn't have to spend too much money on getting prints. It should be a good investment as I wish to resurrect my passion for photography..

Hey budak gemok!

Pantang betul aku bila orang pandang rendah cabin crew nih.. Nak je aku reply, "kalau kau TERE sangat, kau jadi la cabin crew!"
Tapi bila difikirkan balek, kalau aku dah menyampah kat orang tu, nak ke aku dia jadi cabin crew? Eeee yakeng! Tak sudi ye.

Oh well, time time camni la aku kene grow up, let go of my anger.. Aku tak rugi apa pun jadi cabin crew. It's not as if aku takde choice lain KENE jadi cabin crew. Dah aku memang NAK, so I just have to accept these low minded people. Kan? Work hazard katanya..

Sungguh aku bangga jadi cabin crew. I've never imagined myself being proud of a desk job.. "Woohooo aku seorang accountant!!" Hahahahhahahaha (no offence to the accountants out there..)
Everyone has their calling; and mine is to melayan pe'el passenger sambil jalan jalan tengok dunia.

Kalau lah aku tak buang masa dulu sambung study lepas SPM.. I wish I had joined the airline straight from school! But when I think about it, if I had done that.. I wouldn't have known some bunch of people whom had touched my life. Ramai kot..
My screw ups definitely turned me into the person I am today, dan sikit pun aku tak menyesal. Syukur alhamdulillah!

Alhamdulillah jugak sebab aku dah pandai bergaduh tanpa mengeluarkan kata kata kesat. Tak ke macam budak budak jadinya kalau bergaduh camni;
A: kau bodoh!
B: kau lagi bodoh!
A: manade, kau lagi bodoh la.
B: kau bangang!
A: kau lagi bangang!
Hahhahahahaha! Sampai esok tak sudah.. Oh well, I'm proud to say that my parents taught me better than that! Hahahhaahahahahaha

Adohai.. Kelakarnye time zaman skolah.. Oops! Dah terkeluar topik!

Anyway, later harini kene buka dalam aircraft lagi.. Tak best. But at least tonight I'll be in a hotel room where I won't be reminded of the emptiness at home.
But for now, I really should get some more sleep!

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Kisah mak sentap diam diam..

My batch during training weren't known for anything. We were quite close-knit to each other I guess. When we got online, everyone went along with everything and anyone.. So there isn't any particular person whose famous for their "attitude" or work ethics.

So usually when someone asks me who was in my batch, I'd list out their names.. and people won't recognise any of them. Even if they did, they'd take a long pause before describing their looks.. Sometimes they got it right.

Today I flew with one of my twin-batches.. I didn't know her.. She was unfamiliar to me. She then suddenly asked if I was in the same batch as Encem.

Ehhhhhhhhh????

Of all the names, she mentioned Encem!
Terkejut.. Sentap..
Why Encem??
I smiled.. Tried not to claim my "territory" by actually saying that Encem is my boyfriend. huhuuu..

I think I was jealous. I suppose I could say that I hated it when another girl uttered his name. Pshhh! Especially when the girl in question said that she had suddenly thought of him.. Hmmph!

Apparently they did a Manila nightstop together a while back, and she happened to just got back from Manila before she joined my set.
Yea yeaaa..

Anyway, I liked that girl. We yapped a lot during the flight. Good thing that she never mentioned Encem's name again afterwards. Hahahhahahahha!!


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Title-less new entry.

So it's been a while..
I have been thinking of writing something for the blog but I just couldn't find anything worth sharing. So pardon me if this entry seems a bit unworthy.

Today happens to be my Fiance's birthday. heehee. Not exactly parents-approved fiance. Just someone that I call my fiance since Raya '99.
Anyway, I am finding myself missing a lot of people from my past lately. Not that I am not thankful for my life today, but I wish I hadn't been so easy to move on and forget where I've been.

I suppose you could say that I am actually the "right-now" kind of person. I get immersed with what ever that's in front of me now to remember the old stories or think ahead. My closest friends are ever-changing. Unlike Encem whose had the same comrades since school.

I've been reading some old entries and here's what I find;
1. Gemini-guys had always been sweet to me. I think they've simply figured out how to be a "friend" and when to turn on the charms.. (and yes, Encem is a Gemini.)
2. Bahijah used to be really funny! Not saying that she's not anymore.. but I haven't had the chance to see or even talk to her in ages..!
3. I used to really hate cigarettes and smokers -- as all people who smokes, I think. hahahahha!

I have this one thought floating around in my head.. but I don't think I can write about it. It's just something that shouldn't be accepted in our society. (To be truth, I think a lot of my thoughts aren't something that's acceptable in this society! hahahhaha!)

My dear Bestie,

Thank you for being such a good buddy.
Ever so patiently, listening to me whine about my boy-troubles. I'm pretty sure you get tired of listening to them as much as I do experiencing them, if not more..

I know being the man in the middle of the commotion is not fun. Having to keep all the secrets are never fun when you intend to keep them. heh. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being that man.

A part of me is sorry that you are friends with this hard-to-please person; constantly finding things that she is unhappy of. I truly am. Sometimes I feel stupid after saying so many things to you. Well, I meant all those things at the time I said it..
I'm emotional.. and brash. I suppose you already knew that.

I honestly wish that I'm stronger.. Capable of figuring things out on my own without having to spill my guts first to you. I'm like a fish in the river with people who thinks that "catch and release" is a sport; I was caught.. released.. Caught again.. released again...

So, sorry.. For having to listen to my complaints and sad stories over and over again..
Do know that I truly appreciate you for sticking around. You are awesome! I'm a lucky girl for having you as a friend.

Sincerely,
Caught Again.

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Gadis liar.

Kadang kadang time aku jiwa kacau ni teringin nak merasa gi party party.. Mabok mabok.. Dansa sampai esok pagi... Tapi aku rasa aku dah terlalu tua nak start. Hahahhahahaha!!

Culture shock umor 27 tahun? Tak kena gayanye...

So it makes me wonder.. Cemana bebudak zaman sekarang ni 'start' meliar eh? Time aku gi Wet World, diorang dah start 'hit the clubs' kee?
Atau maybe diorang dah practice their dance moves while aku gi meeting Persatuan Puteri Islam? Hmmm..
(Btw, usah ditanya cemana aku terjebak masuk Puteri Islam.. Aku pun ala ala blur..)

Anyway, aku tengah kebosanan.. Kebosanan, kebingungan lagi keletihan. Sungguh aku cakap, mental-wise aku tak kuat. Mungkin sebab tu aku ni senget sikit. Mungkin sebab itu aku patut ingat Tuhan lebih..

Adohai.. Aku rasa pusing pusing masalah aku ni saaaama je. Entah bila aku nak setelkan "masalah" yang satu ni. Aku ni pun satu hal.. Senang sangat distracted. Benci betul. Dapat senang sikit, terus lupa isu penting.

Bila laa nak blajar ni Wanie oii...

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That rookie mistake.

Kelmarin aku tertumpahkan jus oren kat passenger. Isyk. Dahlaa aku keje Business Class. Sungguh aku terasa bongok! Entahlaa.. bila dah keje dua tahun, aku tak rasa ada sebab aku boleh tertumpahkan air kat passenger. Ego aku tercabar disitu. Tapi entahlah.. dua tiga hari ni aku memang clumsy lebih. Aku memang jenis yang clumsy, tapi dua tiga harini memang berlebih lak. Dua tiga kali tertumpah gelas tapi kat diri sendiri je, so macam tak heran.. Sekali kena kat passenger.. cam gila aku mintak maaf kat dia.
Alhamdulillah dia okay je. Siap cakap, "don't cry over it," hahahahahha!! So korang boleh imagine kot how profusely I apologized to this man. haihh.. still.. Terasa down disitu.

Aku tengah fasa konfius ngan diri sendiri ni. Separuh hati teringin nak see what's so green about the grass on the other side.. Separuh hati kata aku patut stick to one thing for a change.
Hati aku ni senang sangat berubah.. Being "loyal" is actually a challenge.
Pasal kerja.. bukan aku stay sebab comfortable. To be honest aku bosan duk pusing pusing tempat sama; bulan ni saja aku sampai tiga kali double-Kuching nightstop! Bosan! Nak kata aku Kuching crew, kalau orang local cakap ngan aku, satu hape aku tak paham! Mimpi la aku nak baca Utusan Sarawak tu.. tergeliat lidah nak membacanya..

Aku rindu Europe. Tolonglah jangan cakap pasal plan plan Euro-trip korang. Aku rasa nak nangis. Kalau lah aku fluent in Dutch, dah lama dah aku apply KL ataupun BA walaupun dia takde opening. hahahahah! Tak kira la kalau kawan kawan aku nanti flying mothers.. sungguh aku tak kira!
haihh.. aku tengah sedih sebab aku konfius. Sungguh aku tak suka this feeling where I feel like I'm "running". Aku tak tau dah if challenging myself this way is a good thing.

Roster bulan depan alhamdulillah aku dapat trip 738 Incheon. hehehe. Takde laa gempak sangat tapi sebab orang lain semua dah dapat.. aku je laa pusing pusing Delhi ngan Taipei memanjang. So, finally! Turn aku lak, yeyyyey! Lepas tu tak ada Airbus ngan standby yang amat dibencikan. *sengih* And kalau kalendar kuda tak tipu, maka beraya bersama keluarga lah aku..
Rasa cam tak percaya je.. aku ni dah laa jenis tak apply cuti raya. So we'll see how lah. Maybe sebab aku dah lama tak balek rumah kot, rasa cam rinduuu je kat rumah dua tiga hari ni. Mama Papa pun bukan makin muda, ye dak?

Kadang kadang aku takut kalau diorang tak sempat tengok aku kawen.. or kenal anak anak aku.. Nak jugak aku tengok anak aku kena marah ngan atuk nenek diorang. (Kenapa kena marah? Sebab aku assume kalau anak anak aku, musti perangai nakal, kepala batu cam aku.. hahahaha! Adeh, tak keluar lagi dah bikin hati geram..)
Semua orang pun aku rindu sekarang, cemana? Encem yang ala ala hari hari gak aku jumpa pun aku rindu..

Siang tadi barang yang aku beli online sampai. Garang betul orang DHL ketuk mangga grill umah aku tadi.

Aku rasa aku lagi suka beli barang online.. Rasa excited lebih! Rasa cam stalker abes bila dia kasi tracking number. Sikit sikit aku refresh. Barang aku dari Portland.. Pegi Cincinnati.. pastu ke Hong Kong.. then entah cemana tersesat ke Shenzen.. pastu balek Hong Kong.. and then tau tau dah kat Subang! hihihi..

Tapi itulah.. sebab senang sangat sekarang nak shopping, aku rasa aku kena set berapa maximum amount aku boleh spend online setiap bulan. 100USD cam tak cukuup je. HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!! (Aku memang overrr.) So sekarang aku tengah pikir barang apa yang aku LEBIH nak.. isyk.
Aku ni suka benau buat pening diri sendiri..
Anyway, yang penting, bulan ni nekad nak bukak akaun untuk simpan duit tiap bulan. Haritu konon bukak Maybank untuk simpan duit. End up bukak Maybank jadi lebih berbelanja gara gara senangnya nak membuang duit pakai debit card. Isyk isyk isyk ISYKKK!!

Dah! Tak mau tulis dah. Aku ni balek dari flight, remove mekap pastu duk depan laptop. Ntah pape. Excited sebab finally dapat dua hari off!
Ohh! Update pasal aku pegi ofis aritu.. End up aku dah ada satu misconduct sebab hanta mc lambat. Terima kasihlah syaitann! Lambat sikit pun nak berkira.. (Okaylaa.. lambat macam tiga minggu camtu..) Tapi oyy! Aku hanta okaayyy.. A real medical leave letter, bukan surat Papa tulis macam time time skolah dulu.. hmmph! Nyampah. Buat sakit ati je jumpa ngan Fleet Adviser aritu. Kata warning, tapi masuk gak dalam file.. papelahh!
Yang penting, aku dah buat dah 2nd cycle Crew Performance Check (CPA) aku.. wheee! Dah tak payah nak pikir dah untuk masa enam bulan. Malas!

Nak cutiii!! Rawrr!

No Air.

..perasaan cinta gila separuh mati.
Kalau berbalas, best lah. Kalau bertepuk sebelah tangan.. tertonggeng kecewa.

I admit, I have my days. I also admit that I tend to be overly emotional at "that time of the month". Funny how God made our body work. Is it 'healthy' to let one lose control of their emotions? I think not.

Remind me not to take leave around the time I'm PMSing. So happens that I was late last month. I actually skipped last month! You would think that after fourteen years you'd have a stable cycle.. psshh!

I was on standby this past few days. Called up to Male on the first day. (It's a night flight; so they can't call me on the second day.) Yesterday I was called up for JHB nightstop.. Which was awesome because Encem was doing a JHB nightstop as well! I was joining a different set which is good 'cause I don't like working with him. hehe
My point; feels like God's telling me that I should be with him. Hahahhahahahhahaha! Trust me to take a coincidence and interpret is as fate/destiny..

So anyway, I'm in JHB..
Trying to fight off a cold. Been feeling a tad under the weather for a while but my body seems to have managed to fight off any real illness so far. I was comparing medical book with a colleague yesterday before flight. I've used almost two pages of the book while she'd used up five! Hahahahaha. I thought it was amusing.

I'm dreading tomorrow.. Of having to commute to the office to see my Fleet Advisor because "apparently" I hadn't submitted my mc letter -- in JANUARY! Dah enam bulan pun nak berkira. Bengap. Macam la aku suka suka nak mc. And macam la senang nak dapat mc in the first place pun!! Grrr.. One day off pun nak kacau. Cinabeng.

Moving on, I need to keep my spending in check. I bought a couple of panties the other day just because I was LAZY to do the laundry! See, money ruined me.
Which reminds me, I haven't gone back to Shah Alam in a while. I've had lunch with Mama last Friday and saw HP7 Part 2 with Dida that night.. I now feel like I owe Papa a breakfast.. hehe.

I hope next month's roster will be out by tomorrow. Just looking forward to see the off days honestly. I refuse to feel any excitement for the flights I might (not) get. Ughh. Getting disappointed BLOWS!

Oh well, I should get some more sleep.
Have a good day everyone! Take good care of yourself, and your loved ones..

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Your Love Is My Drug

I don't care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you're with me
But crash and crave you when you are away..

Pernah karaoke lagu Ke$ha tak? Bapak kelakar.. kau cakap cakap cakap pastu tetiba nyanyi time chorus. Bengong. Ke$ha yang bengong. (Cakap cam kawan je..)

Anyway, kepada Kera Anak Ikan Patinku yang kusayang-tapi-kadang kadang-menyampah, Selamat Ulangtahun yang Ke-2. Congratulations kat saya je sebab awak dah penah merasa kan being in a relationship for two years dengan pompuan mana ntah.
Aku ni je yang ala ala susah sangat nak commit, umor 27 tahun baru first time merasa being in a long-term relationship. Bengong. Aku yang bengong.
Honestly aku pun tatau cemana boleh sampai dua tahun ni.Lama betul rasanya. Kalau ikutkan dah banyak kali sangat dah sedih, makan hati, gaduh bagai.. Kera, awak ada bakat hypnotize orang eh?

Terima kasih lah sebab banyak bersabar dengan saya. (Saya pun banyak bersabar dengan awak!) Terima kasih juga sebab awak tak give up untuk cuba kasi yang terbaik kat saya. Saya tau, tak senang untuk awak layan kerenah saya. Biaselah.. orang tua.. paham paham je la.. hihihi

Anyway, moving on..
When I applied for my leave, I had the sun and beach in mind.. I was really hoping that I would be away from home. An actual holiday where I'd come home with a bit of tan and a funny story to tell.
But tomorrow's my last day off.. and I'd went nowhere.
I'm disappointed honestly. Aku tak tau apa nak cakap. Tapi kemungkinan besar aku kecewa dengan diri sendiri. Entahlah..

Kadang kadang aku pikir lebih baik aku berdiam diri daripada aku cakap benda yang orang tak suka nak dengar. Tapi apakah pointnye bila kau diam tu, end up semua orang hidup berpura pura. Atas alasan tak mahu kecikkan hati orang lain. Hati kecik kau, sape nak kesiankan?

Hmmph.. dah. Aku tak nak blog pasal ni dah. Dah aku sakit hati sendiri. Bengong.
Aku memang bengong.

Lama gak menyepi..

Amusingly, a junior; just five-months flying, told me recently that on first impression he thought that I was the bitchy-type..
Well, damn straight boy! Hahahahhaha
Terkejut sekejap sebenarnye, tapi kalau difikirkan aku memang ala ala malas nak layan orang sangat. And I get that my honesty can be a little harsh sometimes. Oh well..

Haritu aku buat flight airbus ke Delhi. Alhamdulillah set semua okay. Aku bersyukur sangat aku tak mc. Rugi kot kalau tak pegi. Passenger takde la teruk sangat. (Teruk la juga kan..) Tapi sebab set semua supportive and tak menyusahkan, memang rasa bersyukur sangat lah!
Lepas flight sempat lak nak duduk lepak sama.. Pegi breakfast sama.. Lepas tu aku end up keluar jalan dengan Captain, Chief, and a very senior steward.
Oh! And apa yang aku beli kat sana? Monopoly set dengan harga INR 399 -- adelaa dalam RM 30 camtu. HAHAHAHAHHAHA!! Best. Menyesal tak bawak check in bag, kalau tak aku dah borong lagi banyak board games.

Harini hari kedua annual leave aku sebenarnye. Tak ke mana pun. hmmph.
Agak mengecewakan.
Tapi rumah semak, so patut aku stay je rumah and kemaskan rumah kot. But still.. Jalan jalan time keje dengan jalan jalan time cuti lain..
Aku nak gi bercutiiiiii!!!

The deafening silence.

Sigh.
I've been trying my hardest not to turn into an old mad cow for the past few days.. And I think I've pretty much succeeded. Kan?
Tapi dalam hati ada jungle..

I suppose there isn't anything new to write about. It's always the same thing. Over and over again.

If things are not meant to be, there is no point in forcing it right? I feel like crying, but I think I've cried too much already. It's a wonder how one never runs out of tears to cry though..

So my dear readers, I apologise in advance should this blog is filled with dark and hopeless entries in the coming days. I am unsurprisingly in a dark empty space and it feels like my Sun had decided to hide behind the clouds endlessly.

I know my ego brings me nowhere, and I am nowhere near trying to "win". It was never about winning. It has always been about meeting me halfway.
But I'm done waiting like a fool.
How messed up could one be to get teary eyed from an Eminem song anyway?! Gila!

So..
Hmmm...
I gotta stop writing before I accidentally cry in this saloon I'm in. Ha - ha! I am so emotional these days, it's really not funny.

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