Shit-Day.

Oh hey, I made it to thirty! woop woop!
Probably one of the worst birthdays, yet.
Feels like I keep doing this to myself. Have some incredibly high expectation for my birthday and then of course, when it didn't turn out as incredible as I had hoped, I just end up feeling crushed. Border-lining to depressed.
I NEVER learn, seriously. Perhaps that's one way to keep myself "young"! Ha ha ha. Just keep having foolish expectations.

I just realized that my favourite word this week has been -- thanks.
I forgive you -- "thanks."
Happy birthday, Wanie -- "thanks"
Love you -- "thanks"
Pretty sure I didn't bump my head that I lost my vocabulary but this week's been shitty enough, I didn't feel like starting a fight. Although I'm pretty certain that I am having some sort of a fight with my mum, which is a bit ridiculous when I think about it. Well, I'm too old to blab about THAT on the internet.

Of course, not saying what I really mean to say means that I cry even more. Ha ha ha! I'm probably too old to cry too, but it's the only way for me to keep my sanity. Well, maybe not my sanity. But it keeps me from cursing..? hahahha!
I've come to accept that I can be truly mean when I am honest.
I am probably a bad person if my honesty is something bad, right? hahahha

How about we move on to the positive side of this birthday?
I got AWESOME presies from Bestie and Mamita! They really outdid themselves and completely threw me off of my game! I gotta step up for their birthdays next year! Bestie especially since he really surprised me with a Yankee Candle and a pair of Timberland boots! I already think that what I got him is not up to my standard (yepp, his birthday is in February and I already have his present!) but now I'm certain that I have to amp it up! Mamita gave me a YSL body lotion (oh so fancy!) and NARS' Light Reflecting Loose Setting Powder AND Audacious lipstick in the shade Greta. hahahha! They really "get" me.
Wish I had them around.. then probably I wouldn't be so miserable with Encem gone, Mumu unavailable and everything.

You know how people say that if you're rotten inside, doesn't matter how beautiful you look.. you will still come off as rotten?
That's me.
I am rotten inside. Because even when Papa and Dida made time for me on my birthday, had a really good meal together.. At the end of the day, I came home feeling miserable still. sigh

Oh! What did I get myself? Apart from NARS' Yachiyo brush that I had mentioned, I got myself NARSskin travel set (not on the wishlist, but I ran out of my Origins' serum and eye cream, so I might as well splurge on a set!) and Rebecca Minkoff's Mini M.A.C. which was a bargain that I found while I was in Narita earlier this month! heehee.
So instead of getting ONE big thing for myself.. I got THREE medium things!

I'll update with a photo once I stop feeling so miserable.
Writing obviously didn't help it go away. I was hoping that it would, but nope.
Oh and I'm too moody to proof-read this entry, so pardon me if there's typo and grammatical error. Writing in a mood such as this should be made illegal.

Left behind..

Encem left for Jeddah again last Tuesday.. for who knows how long.
I was okay (as okay as I can be, anyway) at first but I cried tonight. I cry a lot, so that's nothing special. I cry when I'm excited about something. I cry when someone tells me a sappy story. I cry when I hear stories about ghosts. And tonight I cried because I was angry.
I was sad and angry at the same time.
It's irrational but I felt like throwing my phone to the wall or uninstall my Whatsapp. What does Whatsapp have anything to do with it?? WHO KNOWS!
I am just extremely emotional right now and while smashing something would be ideal, removing myself from the "world" seemed like the next best thing -- said the blogger who ended up writing this post, of all things!

It's only been two (three?) days and having Encem tell me that he misses me makes me want to make him eat my shoe! It has ONLY been two days and he was the one who got on the plane in the first place! How STUPID is that? It is just as stupid as me saying that I missed him too. Hahahaha! Truth be told, I don't quite miss him.. Not yet anyway. I'm mostly just angry angry ANGRY!

I really should be used to this, but it aches still.
Honestly, I was upset enough at the beginning of the month when our rosters came out and found out that Encem would be working on my birthday weekend and the soonest I would be able to see him would be on the 14th. Then last weekend his roster was revised because he was to be sent to Jeddah!
Congratulations Wanie, not only he won't be around on your birthday, you don't even know when you will get to see him next!

This month just keeps on getting BETTER, I swear! #sarcasm

I am just.. crushed, can you tell?
Sorry you had to read me vent. You would think I'd be calmer and wiser, so close to turning THIRTY.
All of our normal celebrations this year were spent apart. His birthday, Eid, anniversary.. my birthday. Aren't those good excuses to be pissed at 3 o'clock in the morning? It sure as hell sounds good to me to cry out of frustration.

Okay, I am done venting. Well, not really but I am done sounding like a psycho on the internet.
What a horrible blogger I am; silent for many weeks and suddenly posting some crap just for the sake of venting. Oh well..

The Birthday Wishlist..

It's almost ridiculous how excited I am about birthdays.. Not even just for mine! I tend to "plan" other people's birthday presents months in advance, if I'm honest. Not exactly plan per se, but if I get inspired five months ahead of their birthday, you can be sure that I'd get their present five months in advance!

So for my own birthday, I've been saving up a bit these past few months so I could reward myself with something "big". Not as big as a house, as Encem thought, but something ridiculously expensive (for what it really is) that I wouldn't normally indulge in.

The fashion bits;

Rebecca Minkoff Mini M.A.C ($195) and Hudson Moto Mini ($265) are something that I have been eyeing for months. Sling-bags are pretty much a staple of mine, if you know me at all. I rarely ever leave home without one. They're good with jeans and dresses and I know I'd get a lot of use of it, if I decided to get one.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with my current Billabong sling bag that Encem bought me, so.. there's that.

Handbags are something that I'd like to be more into, and though I'm not exactly brand-focus when it comes to fashion, the Louis Vuitton Totally PM ($1270) is a beaut! If I'm absolutely honest, I am especially keen on the pockets at the side! Hahahaha! Being an LV doesn't hurt either and it IS in that "ridiculously pricey" category. The Michael Kors Jet Set Top-Zip Saffiano ($248) is similarly designed for a fraction of the price.. But it's not an LV, is it? heehee

I really don't own any real branded items in my wardrobe unless you count the Longchamp Le Pliage which was also a gift from Encem. huhuu

Now if you've been reading my blog for years, you'd probably notice that I've been covetting for Christian Louboutin's shoes for a very very veerry long time.

Although I'd LOVE to own a pair of booties by him, I don't see any that I love this season so I don't have a problem with settling for the Pigalle (RM2560) or the New Simple Pump (RM3270) heehee.

The main problem about this though, Christian Louboutin does not have a store in Malaysia (as far as I am aware) so I am not confident to buy shoes online! And for a pair of shoes that I don't have the time to wear and costs that much.. err... But it is ridiculous.

The make-up bits;

Can't expect a wishlist without anything from NARS, right? Hahahha! There is just something about the Yachiyo brush ($55) that I really find beautiful. The peculiar design just gets to me and I must confess -- I've bought and used it already! Hahahahha! So much for being on the "wishlist"! But it has been on that wishlist for months and while I was making an order from Nars, I thought that I might as well just get it! Then when it arrived, having the box just staring at me.. I couldn't wait 'til my birthday and caved. hahahha!

One that I don't "need" but might get anyway is the blush in the shade Oasis (RM120). Alan, the Nars make-up artist in Penang put it on me the last time I was there and I couldn't help but curse under my breath. I really don't need another blush but damn, it looked goooood! I probably shouldn't get this though, since I'd just bought the Modern Future set from their holiday collection because I *felt* like it. hahaha!

I seriously suck at saving, can you tell?

More things that I don't need are make-up bags!! But I really love the promise of organisation that the Laura Mercier Custom Artist Portfolio ($98) could bring. As for Rebecca Minkoff Makeup Stash Kerry Pouch ($75).. Well.. It's RED. I swear I get stupid whenever I see anything in red.

Random bits and bobs;

NARS candle in Acapulco. For $50 a pop, it must be one of the most ridiculous item on this list! Hahahahha! I love the idea of having the handsome jar in my room but I'm not sure if I could bring myself to burn away RM230 (how much it's priced in KL!) But what is the point of having a candle if you don't burn them?

The Philips DS1155 charging speaker dock ($80/RM400) is one of those things I'd like to get since I got my iPhone 5. I love that it has the alarm clock and charges the phone. Would save me the trouble of constantly plugging and unplugging my charger everytime I go on a trip. I'm not too concerned about the speaker now that Encem got me a super early birthday present in the form of the Bose Soundlink Mini which has an incredible sound! (Writing this entry is making me realize how Encem really spoils me.. and I'm not surprised if you're getting the urge to roll your eyes everytime I had to mention him because I feel like cringing myself!) 

The last item in this long list is the Kate Spade Say Yes "Taken" necklace ($75) which I must admit, a bit odd to buy myself. But I love the dainty-ness of it! Would it be too silly to get it anyway? Hmm.. I am also contemplating her Zodiac Pendant Necklace ($43.50/S$100/RM230) because getting Thomas Sabo Glam & Soul ring ($219) is a little too fancy to get myself! hahahha

I do feel especially vain writing this entry, but I'm just sharing really.. I'll be turning the big three-oh in one month so I do feel the need to go a little obnoxious somehow! Hahahahha!
I haven't decided on anything though.. For all I know I could actually just save my money and spend it on a holiday! (Which sounds pretty awesome, right about now.)

The travel make-up bag.

So I've been doing more trips than turnaround flights lately, and normally I would leave my nicer make-ups at home and bring along the ones that I won't be too chuffed about if they got lost.

But I love what I love so lately I've been carrying around the loves of my life! (So dramatic!)

These are the things that I trust would keep me looking decent for long flights (8 hours) and more..

Starting with the base, NARS Sheer Glow Foundation in the shade Stromboli that gives me a semi-matte, slightly dewy finish. Medium coverage perfection. Rarely lets me down. It only goes wonky on me if it's been an exceptionally hot and humid day or if I hadn't been drinking any water at all.

For the under-eye circle, if NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer in the shade Ginger failed to hide them, there is no chance that any of my other concealers can. It's also great for minimizing the look of the red angry spots that I am having at the time.

For the T-zone and more as a force of habit, I dust my face with a little of Bourjois' Healthy Balance powder in the shade 53 Beige Clair.

In the terms of colour, I have been loving the Tarte Rainforest After Dark palette for the sheer convenience. It comes with six eyeshadows, a bronzer, a highlight and a beautiful nude rose blush in the shade Unleashed. I love the shades of the eyeshadows, they are exactly what I would use in an everyday basis but I don't necessarily share that feeling for the pigmentation and the staying power -- and that's where the Original Urban Decay Primer Potion comes in. I wouldn't have to worry if the colours shows up enough, or if it'll fade during flight. As for the bronzer Park Ave Princess, I would say that I love it as much as my NARS' Laguna. It's warm without coming off orange or anything like that.

When it comes to liners, I trust the Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-on Eye Pencil in the shade West for the waterline and Stila Stay All Day Liquid Eye Liner in Intense Black to literally stay - all - day.

When it comes to my brows, I love how the Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof Brow Mousse in Rich Brown makes them appear natural. I don't have much going on up there to begin with so anything too intense would make them too obviously drawn on. I usually would comb the hairs with the spoolie end to sort of shape them, then draw a line at the lower part of my brows with the product then comb the product into the brows. Adding the product - comb some more where I needed them. (If that makes any sense!)

Normally I would just leave it at that but if the mood strikes me, I would set my brows with my disgustingly grubby In-2-It Clear Mascara. (Not so "clear" now!) I should really chuck that out. Haha!

I love quite a few mascaras and currently I am adoring Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara! Can't comment much on the name, but the effects to my lashes are incredible. I don't even bother curling my lashes anymore. Other mascaras that are worth mentioning are Benefit's They're Real and Maybelline's The Rocket and The Falsies. Would love to try out Tarte's, been hearing lots of good things about them! But I should go through the ones that I have first.. sigh

The lips is where I let myself to have options of.

Nuxe Rêve de Miel is simply the best lip balm I've ever used. It's really thick so a teenie tiny wee bit of it is enough for under any lip product!

I suppose I don't have much love for "drugstore" products, seeing this post but Revlon Matte Balm in the shade Standout is a real winner. A beautiful red, easy to put on and my go-to red for quite some time now.

If I feel like wearing pink, I've been loving Tarte Glamazon lipstick in Foxy. It feels and looks very much like my Shu Uemura's Rouge Unlimited Supreme Matte Lipstick in 376 but the colour is sliiiightly muted.

For a quick pick-me-up, I'll always come back to NARS Satin Lip Pencil in the shade Luxembourg. I don't know why but it holds a special place in my heart for giving me some kind of happy feeling. Hahahaha! It's red, it's pink, it's pinkish red and absolutely perfect! heehee

While I sometimes feel like I need to carry some kind of an attitude with red, and be chirpy with pink, this shade just says ME. I feel weird talking about a colour like that. heh

Now as for my tools;

I probably use only half of what carry but they're just a mix of brushes that I got from Ebay. Yepp. Ebay!

Recent playthings!

Suppose I should title this entry "Beauty Blog #10", oh well..

I believe anything NARS related should have a title of its own and not "just another beauty-related entry" -- even if that's exactly what it is! Haha

Days before I acquired the two nail polishes from @NARSissist, I made a few naughty purchases of my own.

I have been drawn to the summer gifting collection when I first saw it. Mostly for the lacquer box -- I know, horrible. But I don't really need another nail polish and I've never been a fan of lip glosses. To be honest, I got the set because I was feeling a tad upset one day and seeing the shade Schiap on one of the YouTuber that I am subsribed to just sold it for me -- I had to get the Climax set!

The set comes with the Schiap lipstick and nail polish and a limited edition lipgloss in a shockingly pink lacquer box.

The lipstick and nail polish is an instant love for me, while the lip gloss unfortunately didn't turn me into a lip gloss lover -- which is an almost impossible feat, because I really don't like the glossy lips look on myself. "Almost" because I believe in "never say never".. heh!

I had also purchased the lip lacquer in Hot Wired online quite recently. Given that the lip lacquer range has been discontinued, lets just skip past the fact on how much I spend on getting HopShopGo to buy it for me and the shipping. I want what I want, so there is no regret there.
Suppose there isn't much use for me to review the product since it's hard to come by, but let's just say that I LOVE IT. It's a shame that I have to use it sparingly because I will be devastated once I've run out of it.

My most recent purchase is the Audacious lipstick in the shade Jane. I've been wanting to get a nude lipstick since I have way too many reds and fuchsia in my collection! Jane isn't exactly nude though, it's more of a muted orange; described as "terracota rose" on the website. It looks pretty nude-ish on me, but I shall still look for the perfect nude shade!

I must say that the Audacious line is one of the most comfortable lipstick I've ever put on. It's opaque, semi matte (has a slight satin finish) and not drying at all. At RM95 a pop, I do expect them to perform well.

I can say that I adore the lipstick and as much I want to get more of them, most of the nude shades are out of stock at the Pavilion store and when it comes to lipstick I do prefer to play around with them before making a purchase!

The new Nars holiday color collection; Laced With Edge has just been released yesterday and you know.. I'm getting my hands some of that!

It was around this time last year that I got myself hooked on Nars after all!

That dull ache..

Maybe not so dull, but it's there.

A constant reminder of the hurt, of how the emptiness hurts.

I am not even pining. Even if I am, I long for the pain to stop. I want the ache to stop.

I don't cry myself to sleep at night. But the tears came each night anyway. I don't feel weak, the tears somehow eases the pain ever so slightly. As if with each drop of tear, that heaviness in my heart is lifted.. a little, for a little while.

I've never been good with being patient. I am not good at waiting. And to have spent my time waiting on "nothing" is not at all helping.

My heart keeps aching and I'm tired of explaining why it hurts so much.

I just want the pain to stop.

Please stop.

NARSissist? Totally.

In case you had seen my recent Instagram photo;

Yes, @NARSissist had actually sent me two of their new nail polishes right to my doorstep! Eeeep!

It started earlier this month when I tweeted how my browser immediately suggested Narscosmetics.com as I typed the letter "N".

The next thing I know, @NARSissist followed me on twitter and sent me a DM,

WAAAY too cool! Assuming that they wouldn't ship to Malaysia, (their US website only ship to US and Canada)

 I gave them my HopShopGo address while asking them about the international shipping.

Almost immediately they replied that they do and asked if I had a different "ideal" address -- my heart just leaped at that!

After just one week (could've been sooner than a week if FedEx had been more efficient!) my goodies were finally in my hands!

Now, I've said how much I liked the formulation of the NARS nail polish despite the brush here. The GREAT thing about their new nail polishes, it comes with a wider brush!! Perfect!

So yeah, imagine my excitement when one of the nail polishes they sent me were one of the new collection!

They sent me Obscura (a shade that I contemplated on getting two weeks ago!) which is described as "lavender charcoal" and Libertango which is a "geranium" shade. Two seriously lovely colours, if you ask me!

I haven't actually tried them on since I'm on a work-week stretch and I'm not actually sure if shades of grey are allowed on while anything close to being red is a no-no.

But you'll see.. Once I get home from my Adelaide trip, those two will be the first things I play with! rawrr!

Is it fitting to note here that I currently have Schiap on my nails? Heehee..

Pretty sure I'll be writing about my recent NARS play-things in the coming blogs!

Anyway, I think it's really awesome how NARS reach out to their fans worldwide by doing this! If you'd been reading this blog for a while, you'd know how big of a fan I am and having them sent me "gifts".. Just WOW. It's like.. I am nobody to them really.. I'm not exactly a beauty blogger who has that many followers/readers that could be persuaded into loving NARS as much as I do. I am used to unrequited love, (because really, loving "things" is just that, isn't it?) but having @NARSissist to acknowledge me this way...

Ah, I am just even more head over heels with NARS now! (Didn't think that was possible..)

Waves.

Just three weeks after Encem came home from Algeria, he left for Jeddah on another charter program..

Naturally, being the pathetic girlfriend that I am, I've been teary everytime I am left all alone.

I can't help it. It comes and goes in waves. It's only been one day and my insides just aches. He left me with a lump in my throat and a hole in my chest.

Seriously, how did I get this whiny and clingy?

Maybe because he'd only been back three weeks and I've been away on trips.. I find myself feeling blessed for getting sick when I did because I was supposed to be in Male yesterday but was given a medical leave so I was able to step down from my flight.

At least I was able to send him off at the airport.

It has only been one day and I am miserable. And thinking how long this time he'll be away is making me all teary again!

I am in pain and there is no other way of saying it..

Yes, I've been MIA..

Only in the blogsphere world.

I am pretty present on Instagram and everywhere else. Is it bad that I've been hiding my thoughts even more so these days?

There isn't much to tell. Work has been "work".. It got harder to put on the uniform lately. Tired.. Sick of being sick.. My mood overall is just sucky.

The one good thing about the month of August is that I get to have Encem around. Fight with him face to face then actually kiss and made up.

But now only after a few weeks coming back from Algeria, he's getting ready to leave for Jeddah and this time he's leaving for longer.

So I am getting sad all over again. I hated the way it felt when he's gone and now I need to brace myself for an even worse feeling.

I am SO used to having him around..

Even when we fight, I still get to see him.. We still "talk" even if I just answered him with huffs and grunts..

So yeah, I hate not having him around.

Recently we took a tiny break from the city and head back to his hometown. It was a good trip. Ended with a little fight (typical!) but it was a good trip nonetheless.

Reminded me how badly I needed to be away from work!

To age is a privilege..

I never really appreciated those words until this year..

After the disappearance of flight MH370 and the downing of MH17, I don't think things will ever be the same. Not for me anyway.

There isn't much to say, since there isn't much facts. All there is for the time being are speculations, theories, assumptions..

I am torn between wanting to see a glimpse of the flowered pattern of our uniform and the fear of seeing the state that it is in when found.

USA Today posted a picture of a crew's handbag on their website yesterday and my heart broke again.

I want each one of them found and returned to the ones who loved them. They all deserve that. Everybody deserves that.

But seeing shots of a crew's passport.. A medical book.. A handbag.. Is just not enough. I want THEM found! As of the moment I am typing this out, only 186 bodies have been recovered within the 15km diameter of the crash site.

Where are the other hundred? Where are they? Where are my colleagues? Enough with the missing people!

Yesterday on my flight from Manila; my first flight after the incident, a passenger said he was sorry for our lost. Caught off guard, I just said thanks without much thought.

Not long after that another passenger asked if we were okay. I just told him that we were okay thus far..

It was easy to forget about your sad thoughts when you keep yourself busy, and that flight was pretty busy. The odd bunch of Indian passengers had kept me busy until about an hour before we arrive into Kuala Lumpur as they were finally contented.

I was in a pretty good mood. I was flying with a friend. I felt contented and happy to realize that I was still capable of smiling sincerely.. and I looked out through the windows to see the beautiful orange-tinted clouds as the sun began to set..

Then my eyes started to well up.

My obsession with the sky..

How would I feel if that ends up to be the very last thing that I see?

When God calls, you answer. There is no other way about it.

But I pray that I will have more time on Earth. Have the time to write something that matters to society. See the blue rooftops of the houses in Santorini. Love wholeheartedly. Age gracefully. Be the person that I want to be.

Just don't let me be lost forever, please.

June Favourites!

Thought I might write about things I've been loving this past month since I have nothing much interesting to share, otherwise.

Remember how in my NARS blog post I mentioned that I was afraid of using the shade Mistinguette from my Guy Bourdain blush palette? Well, I've finally tried it out and it is actually LOVELY! Despite being shockingly Barbie-pink in the pan, on the skin it gives off a really nice subtle flush. Quite amazing, actually. It's all I've been wearing in June!

NARS' Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer has pretty much replaced all of my foundations last month. I think it is time for me to really sort out my make up collection because I can really tell which items I can't part with and items that I haven't touched for the past six months!

NARS' Radiant Creamy Concealer is a staple.. I've already bought a back up for it yet I am still scraping off what ever's left in the tube.

Benefit's Bad Gal Plum mascara.. Now that the formula has gotten a little dry, I find that I like it better than I used to. Mind, the plum colour which is supposed to make my eye colour "pop" is pretty much useless but just as a mascara, it's alright!

Now on to skincare, I was given a sample of Origins High-Potency Night-A-Mins moisturizer sometime in the middle of last month and I've been saving it up until payday when I could actually get my hands on the regular pot! I really love how it feels on my skin, and the smell is just divine!

I've been really loving it.

For day moisturizer, I've been using the Origins GinZing Energy-boosting moisturizer. Pretty much served its purpose, I have no complaints. I got a bunch of samples of this so I'm good in terms of daily moisturizing until next month, at least. Can't really say it's a favourite if it's just what I am currently using, can I? But I do like it!

Recently I've discovered that I actually have dry skin, so I've been using the Josie Maran 100% Pure Argan Oil under my evening moisturizer. It's a bit too heavy for daytime (with wearing make-up and all) but for nighttime, it's just great. I really love slapping on the heavy-duty stuff in the evening. The awesome thing about this oil, you can use it on anything that you can think of! For instance, my skin is so dry that lotions don't really do anything for my skin (body butters are the way to go) but since I've been trying to use up Soap & Glory's The Righteous Butter Body Lotion before getting my usual moisturizer, I've been adding a few drops of the Argan oil to the lotion and it helped a LOT!

Now can I go for something random and tell you about the chocolate that I've been LOVING?

It is the Prafeuille Chocolate from Royce, that you can't even get in KL!! *curses* I was introduced by this on board, we used to have it in the business class sometime last year so when we stopped offering them, I had to start looking around for them myself.

Now, I am no chocolate-fiend. If you tell me that I cannot have anymore chocolate for the rest of my life, I won't shed a tear. But this.. THIS chocolate.. I ADORE. It's a thin, leaf-like chocolate with a berry sauce centre.. Absolutely divine! Think After Eight, but thinner and with sweeter centre.

Anyway, after months and months of searching, (Royce Malaysia no longer carries this chocolate) I finally found them in Hong Kong! -- I was in Osaka a few months ago, even they didn't have the Berry flavour! All they had was the Green Tea, and I DON'T ENJOY GREEN TEA! -- I know, the perks of travelling for a job, right? Anyway, SO glad to have this back in my life..

Is it a surprise that I don't LOVE chocolate? I do have a few favourites that I might actually even blog about them one day! hahahha, would that be a bit weird?
Oh well, I am a little bit weird so that blog entry might actually happen.

That's it for last month's favourite.
I'm in a such weird mood right now, I am thankful for having this superficial-stuff to write about instead of the going-ons in my head!

Mentale va

I feel like I am changing.

Not sure if I really am but things do feel different.

Boyfriend's posted in Algeria for a charter program and here I am left all to myself with all kinds of thoughts. If I am honest, I am feeling pretty lonely. And there's nothing more thought-provoking than this kind of loneliness.

It's only been two weeks and I am a mess.

Can I scream into the dark night?

I feel stuck in a whole lot of nothingness.

That doesn't sound right, does it?

I don't need a man to survive, but what will become of me surviving without my man?

Can I hate him for leaving?

Yes, he is coming back in a few weeks but in what state will I be by then?

Why did he have to be such a damn good friend in the first place? I feel like I am missing my boyfriend and bestfriend at the same time!

Okay, I am starting to get a headache from trying to hold in the tears. Yes, I am pathetic that way.

Somehow I prefer writing entries where I am just plainly pissed with him than this sappy "tu me manques" blog post.

Je te déteste, mon singe!

Nuts About NARS

As the title suggested, I am pretty much all over NARS. I honestly don't know how it started considering the brand had only come to our shores late last year!

But really, anywhere I go (overseas) I would try to have a look at their store or stand, and when ever I go to Pavilion I would just find myself walking past the store -- not necessarily going in for fear of being tempted to actually make a purchase!

Anyway, I LOVE the brand; so much so that when/if I get married, you'll surely see them on one of the exchanged gift trays (hantaran!)

Let's start with the face stuff; I've talked about the Sheer Glow Foundation (here) so I won't ramble much about it except that I am still loving it! Awesome coverage for something that felt so light on the skin.

The Radiant Creamy Concealer is pretty much my Holy Grail concealer. Perhaps it's the shade, but while other concealers I've tried makes my skin seemed ashy and just vanishes after a few hours, this concealer stays put beautifully. Sometimes it gets into the fine lines under my eyes but since it's only "sometimes", suppose it's the way I applied it that day or the eye cream that I was using.. It's sad to say that I am running out of the concealer but I will be repurchasing it soon, I'm sure!

My recent purchase was made at the NARS stand in Hankyu, Taipei. It wasn't cheaper than in KL but I've been eyeing on it for too long now so I decided to just get it! After two weeks of using it pretty much exclusively, I've gotta say that the Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer is becoming a top favourite -- definitely this month's favourite! It gives a sheer coverage with a dewy finish. Well, it is sheer but it evened out my skintone just fine. It is supposed to clear dark spots and lighten hyperpigmentation with regular use, we'll see about that but even if it does nothing for me, I still love how comfortable it feels after having it on for long hours. Oh, it also have an SPF of 30!

My first NARS palette was their One Night Stand blush palette from their Guy Bourdin Holiday Collection last year. I've talked a bit about it here and all I have to say now is that since then I am still loving Deep Throat and Goulue, while I pretty much use Laguna to slightly contour and bronze up my face everytime I am doing my make-up! (All bottom shades.) The highlighter shade is called Devotee (I just don't generally highlight my face), the pink shade is called Mistinguette (too scary pink on the pan for my taste -- which means that I should probably actually use it and see how I really feel about it) and the top right shade is their ever so famous Orgasm. A cult favourite but not mine. Let's just say that if I actually put this on, it'd be really crazy to add highlighter on. Perhaps if I am more into highlights, I would have loved this more.

Another recent purchase from their stand in SOGO, also in Taipei is the Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi, Ce Soir? eye & cheek palette. I hadn't done a single research on this but I saw it and just got to have it! (Splurge, yes..) Apparently it was a Nordstrom exclusive for their anniversary sale sometime last year. Well, I knew that I was going to get their eyeshadows at some point so seeing this palette just made my day! The eyeshadows included are Molokaï, Antananarivo, Lhasa and Ragoun. The blush shade on the left is Deep Throat (I don't mind having two of this, really) and the one on the right is Dolce Vita, which is a beautiful dusty rose shade.

I honestly love all the colours on this palette as it creates a complete look! Definitely worth the splurge.

Now these Larger Than Life Long-Wear Eyeliner is a bit funny. I have two of these and they're both of two different consistencies. The chocolate shade, Via De' Martelli is a bit hard while Rue Bonaparte (described as light almond on the website) is very soft and perfect for the waterline. I love that these liners are twist-ups and has a "sharpener" attached to the bottom. Very convenient.

I'd love to get the black shade, Via Veneto but I've got a whole lot of black liners in my stash already.. Maybe someday. heh

As for the lip products, I have three. I love how the Satin Lip Pencil feels on my lips, and the shade Luxembourg is just ME, I think. Not loving the fact that these pencils needs to be sharpened every so often but I really am willing to go through the hassle because it's really beautiful on. The fuchsia Semi Matte Lipstick named Funny Face was one that I went to the store a few times for. It was sold out everytime I asked for it in KL so yeah, by the time I was in Bangkok it's all I could think about!

The third lipstick that I own is the limited edition Cinematic Lipstick in the colour Future Red from the Guy Bourdin holiday collection. Funny Face isn't as moisturising as Future Red, being a semi matte finish but all of these products mentioned stayed so well on my lips.

Another limited edition item from last year's collection is the Opaque Nail Polish in the shade Follow Me. I have to say that I am glad that I got it when I did because I just love the shade! I have an entire post just about this nail polish so, that's that!

SAMPLES! hahahha! Seriously, even the samples looks awesome. I'll probably give the tinted moisturizers to Dida and Mama since they're in the shades Terre-Neuve and Finland; way too light for my skintone and I do have the full size now!

Oh I am finally done with this entry!

#BeautyBlog 9

Say hello to bronzers!

Before mid of last year, I had never knew the existence of bronzers -- believe it or not! And honestly, I don't see why I would need them.. boy was I wrong.

I am nowhere good at contouring but I like to try. And since I've used bronzers in my routine, I could definitely see the difference that it makes. It really made my face more alive after putting on foundation. It gave me a little warmth to my otherwise flat complexion.

So I received a sample of the Hoola bronzer with my purchase from Benefit and I finally tried it on a while back. Three bronzers to compare to seems like a decent number to actually write about them.

In this post I will be comparing Hoola, Laguna by NARS and the bronzer from Sleek's Face Form in Light.

I'm not sure if you could see from the photo below the difference in the shades;

The most right is Laguna, middle is Hoola and the bottom most is by Sleek.

Hoola is a true brown, which I think would suit most skin tone -- but not mine. Somehow the brown looks muddy on my face and a tad unnatural.
Adding up to one more product from Benefit Cosmetics that just didn't suit me. sigh

Perhaps it is the warmer tone of my skin that made products that has a bit more orange or cream in them looks more natural on me, such as Laguna, Face Form in Light and even e.l.f.'s Contouring Blush & Bronzing Powder that I just realized I own (but obviously haven't been using in a while!)

Anyway, suppose I'm good in the bronzing department.
No excuse to get a new one anytime soon!

Sorry I've been... M. I. A.

Suppose things have changed. Suppose you could say that my entries recently have been incredibly superficial borderling on bimbo-status.

Suppose some people talk out their problems and worries..

Suppose you would know by now that I am not among those people.

I bottle things up until KABOOM! I go. Not at all a healthy way of living but I don't wear my heart on my sleeves.. Poor Encem just having to deal with it. However, I am oddly amused of how eloquent I am during those nuclear times!

MH370 is still nowhere to be found, and every single time I go for flight I am reminded of it as I took my #selfieuntukDida on Instagram. I wouldn't normally indulge myself in "selfie" but it was a request by my dear sister, so I obeyed.

Being gone is not half as bad as being the one left behind, I am sure. So as morbid as it may sound, I took those selfies so my loved ones would know how I look like on my last day on Earth.

Sad, yes. But I found out about the missing flight from the frantic phonecalls from my mum and Dida, and what are family for if not to worry for/with you.

It could happen to any of us.. Gone without a trace, and your loved ones may wonder all sort of things, so if anything bad shall happen to me in the future, I shall not deny my sister's request for a measly vain moment in the form of a selfie before I head to work.

Honestly I don't know where I've gone to. Seems as though I've lost all my will to write. I am finding myself annoyed by my beauty-blogs because that is ALL I ever write about these days!

Feels as though I have no original thoughts what so ever. Feels like "Wanie" has gone away to hide in a dark corner where no one would have to acknowledge her existence. Has anyone else ever felt like that?

I'm pretty sure I'm unhappy with life right now. With the job feeling like a job! I used to feel so proud to say that going to work felt like going to the playground. But friends are leaving to greener pasteur or just run away from all the crap we've been getting from the company. Work feels like crap these days. And the saddest part, work is all I ever do!

Even my off days are spent at home doing nothing but rest because work has been all too consuming. Also, I've been sick for the past week which was just swell!

And my phone line has been barred for almost a month now because Celcom decided to be a bitch and charged me way more than they're supposed to and is taking way too long to get the case settled. I might change my carrier after 11 years with Celcom, ladies and gentlemen! "Loyalty" goes out the window when all you've been getting back is shit.

Anyway, sorry for not having a cheerful entry after so long of being silent. Let's hope that I'll have something happy to share about sometime soon.

Oh.. Well..

It's been a while.. and I'm not exactly in the state where I could comfortably write, but here's a teaser of what I'll be writing in the coming weeks!

#BeautyBlog 9 #BeautyBlog 8

An ode to love..

It's been more than seven days and I totally skipped #8 because I had that written a while back but it's still unfinished so I'll publish that once I'm done with my thoughts.

Today I'm going to yap about Revlon's lip products -- which I adore; the Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain, Colorburst Matte Balm and Colorburst Lacquer Balm.. because I just can't shake my love for them!

I have a total of seven of these crayon sticks from Revlon, (three by Bourjois, one by NARS and Tarte, and six by Clinique -- I'm obsessed!) because I think these crayon-like lip products are the easiest to put on!

If they are sheer like the Clinique's Chubby Stick or Tarte's LipSurgence Skintuitive Lip Tint or Bourjois' Color Boost Glossy Finish Lipstick, you don't even need a mirror to apply them!

Anyway, today I'll (try to) focus on Revlon.

I have three of the Balm Stains in Lovesick, Smitten (not available in Malaysia, unfortunately) and Romantic.

Lovesick is a bright fuschia while Smitten is a bit plum-toned. Romantic is an orange-toned red.

These are very easy to wear and quite sheer on first application but buildable. The finish is quite glossy and being true to the name, they do stain. I get most use out of Lovesick and Smitten since they suit me the most and while at work I don't need to reapply much. (Except if I want some gloss back on my lips.)

The one Lacquer Balm that I own is in the shade Flirtatious. This has no claim of staining the lips but it does leave a tint after hours of wear, and on application it is more pigmented than the Balm Stains. This shade that I have is a fuschia that leans more into red, not too far off from Lovesick and Smitten, and it too has a glossy finish. Oh, and it has shimmer in it which can be a bit distracting. I mean, you don't really notice the shimmer until the colour wears off -- which isn't really a pretty look.

My current faves at the moment are the Matte Balm which is very smooth and comfortable to wear! Complex is a nude shade that I have a love-hate relationship with, depending on the day. Standout is a cool-toned red that should look good on anyone and my latest addition is Unapologetic which is a bright coral pink that I haven't actually worn outside yet! Hahahahha! It is THAT new!

Though these products have different finishes, they all have that minty feel and scent to it which some would love while some will hate. I think Revlon did a brilliant job coming out with these crayon lip products! Though they may not be very original in that department, it makes these types of products very affordable to the masses. (Clinique's Chubby Stick/Chubby Stick Intense retails at RM60 while Tarte's LipSurgence and NARS' Lip Pencils retails at RM90!)

So yeah, I am all for Revlon's crayon lip products!

#BeautyBlog 7

I caved..

Though I didn't need yet another lipstick, I went ahead and got one because I was getting tired of wondering about it!

It started a few weeks ago at the reporting centre. A colleague (whom I had just met for the first time) was sitting across from where I was sitting and we were just chatting about where we were heading and all the while I couldn't get my eyes off of her lips! I couldn't contain myself and asked what it was and made a note of it. (An actual note on my phone, even!)

Then last week I bumped into another colleague and as we were saying our hellos, I asked if she was wearing the lipstick that I had made a note of and she said yes.

To have singled out the same product twice pretty much convinced me that I should have a go at it myself! So a few nights ago I headed into one of the stores and had the store assistant put it on me.

The lipstick that's been floating around in my head (and now sits on the dressing table!) is Shu Uemura's Rouge Unlimited Supreme Matte lipstick in 376.

Apart from red shades, I'm pretty sure that I have a thing for fuchsia and magentas! (Which in reality is also considered as shades of red!.. but you know what I mean.)

There really is something about those pink-not-quite-pink-nor-red shades that I love. I do feel that they look good on me, and long gone the days where I'm afraid of having a bright lip for my makeup!

Definitely not a colour for the faint hearted.

Anyway, I'm obsessed! Haven't worn any other lipstick since I got it! And the formula is awesome too. It's matte (so it stains) and pretty moisturising and comfortable to wear.

I really should stop buying lip products after getting this (and Tarte's Skintuitive Lip Tint too last week!) but I have my eyes on Revlon's Matte Balm in Unapologetic. Should I be getting that next? Eeeeeep!

Divergence.

Saw the Divergent film and hated it.

HATED IT! Hated it, hated it, HATED IT!!

I hated it even more after reading a random "fangirl" blog post how the film followed true to the book -- LIESS!! I couldn't even read half of her "review" because she made me question if we had been reading the same book!

She clearly read something else and not at all the one written by Veronica Roth.

Which ticks me again. What the heck was Roth thinking, letting the film turned out the way that it did?? It was a whole lot different than the book she wrote! Seriously, I almost called out "WTF!" halfway through the movie. I totally didn't blame Encem for falling asleep in the cinema. I was almost embarassed for wanting to see the film as badly as I did.

Really, I was disappointed. Can you tell?

Perhaps it was my fault thinking that the adaptation would be like how The Hunger Games turned out -- ACTUALLY true to the book and very minimal changes to the characters. (Katniss didn't exactly got her Mockingjay pin from The Hob, but that's nothing major.)

The movie Divergent really diverted from the book. I really didn't feel the connection between any of the characters. Christina was supposed to be taller and tougher than Tris. We didn't even see Al actually 'failing' his tests or Peter being any good except for being just a jackass. Molly didn't think Tris was "cool" in any part of the book and Four definitely did NOT teach Tris how to go through her final test! COME ONN!!

Sorry if I'd spoiled your viewing experience from reading this, but THE BOOK IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!

Go see the movie if you must. I would recommend not to. It's just better to pick up the book instead! Even the Twilight saga had a better adaptation into the movie, seriously.

I am just NOT looking forward to see Insurgent if/when it comes out. Sure, I won't deny that I'll probably go see it anyway but as for Divergent.. It's a complete disappointment for me.

The fangirl in me.. was crushed.

#BeautyBlog 6

Possible future-purchases.

The two things that I adore Sephora the most about is the fact that how friendly and helpful the store assistants are, and how readily they are to give you samples!

(Maybe not the one in Starhill though. They're too stingy when I asked for samples and the store assistants always come off as snobbish!)

KLCC, I love because one time I was just browsing around and one of the girls approached me and asked if I was looking for something. I said no, and that I was just looking if anything pique my interest. She then told me to follow her so she'd show me all the new things in the store!

Pyramid, I love because the assistants were chatty and pretty much able to answer most of my questions about the products I was intrigued about. Also, I got those two little sample pots pictured above from there, which I will go into more in a bit.

Paradigm is my jam, basically! That place has never done me wrong and I don't think it ever could. This one particular guy especially always gets me the best samples available! teehee!

Now, on to something relevant to the picture I attached to this entry.

I've always been keen to try out the Glamglow masks and if you've seen them in stores, you should know that they're RM 240 a pop! That is one damn pricey mask, if you ask me!

Not wanting to make the same mistake as I did with the bloody Kiehl's eye cream, these days I always get samples first for a product (especially skincare!) before forking out my money for the full-size.

Now, even in US Dollars, these masks are pretty pricey at $69 so getting them online plus shipping would turn out to be just about the same as RM 240 I'm sure.

Not knowing even the difference between the two, I asked one of the SAs if I could have small samples of the two products and she adorably put them into their respective packaging colours! (If you haven't tried asking for samples in Sephora, YOU SHOULD!)

I'm glad that I got the samples first, because though both of them felt nice on my skin and worked pretty much the same (both extracted the icky oils from my T-zone and made my skin feel silky smooth), I wasn't too keen of the smell of the Clearing Treatment plus it broke me out the very next day! I haven't had a new breakout in WEEKS so that was annoying! The Exfoliating Mud Mask has chunks in it which looks kinda weird but it's supposed to help you exfoliate the skin whilst removing the mask, and it did!

I don't know.. RM 240 is a LOT man! Should I bite the bullet and get the black Glamglow? I love that I could see all the things it pulled out from my skin.. Is there anything else better out there?

Anyway, we'll see in the coming months. I've already done some bits of damage shopping online when I couldn't sleep few nights ago!

#BeautyBlog 5

Now I feel like I haven't blogged for a long time, but it hasn't been that long really..

Since I haven't been to Sephora for so long, unfortunately I haven't had the chance to try out as many things to blog about. But fear not, I did stop by the ones in Paradigm, Pyramid AND KLCC in the last week so I do have some things to share!

But first, since I mention about them earlier last month, I shall let you know what I think about the new foundations in my collection;

Face And Body by MAC. (N3)

I'll be honest, this was my first MAC purchase because one, I have a little obsession with foundations after lip products.. Two, Pixiwoo of Youtube seemed to really like the product so I was pretty much sucked in!

Personally, I feel like I need to have ample time to properly put this foundation on. Apparently, the more you work on the foundation; the more you buff it into the skin, the thicker it becomes and the higher coverage it gives you. Also, this foundation is best applied with your fingers, which in theory should be perfect for those mornings where you overslept and only have a few minutes to get ready!

But I love my brushes.. Putting on foundation with my fingers feels a bit messy to me. And you do have to set the foundation with some powder because it doesn't really set -- or maybe I'm just too impatient to wait until it does.

Overall it's not a bad foundation really. Somedays when I do have the time, it gives a pretty good coverage that I could skip concealer! The awesome thing about this foundation, you could keep slapping it on layer after layer to get the coverage that you want and it wouldn't look cakey on!

Sheer Glow by NARS. (Stromboli)

Perhaps the best ever foundation I've used in my entire life. Yes, I am biased by the way. Though being advertised to give you a dewy finish (hence the name sheer "glow") it doesn't actually give me that effect. I have combo skin, slightly oily T-zone with some odd dry patches sometimes, and it simply gives me a semi-matte finish.

A little goes a long way, feels pretty light on the skin but it gives you a good medium coverage.

The annoying bit about this foundation, for something as pricey, the packaging does not come with a pump so you have to buy it separately! And it's not great to travel with since once you've attached the pump, you can no longer put the cap back on!

The product itself is awesome, but it has one of the oddest packaging I think.

But I would definitely repurchase if mine runs out. (I do love it!) But maybe in a shade lighter since I find Stromboli looks a bit yellow on me some days.

Amazonian Clay Full Coverage Airbrush by Tarte. (Light-Medium Neutral)

This is a new one I got because of Youtubers Essiebutton and Missglamorazzi! Seriously, these Youtube videos..

Anyway, I've been keen on trying out powder or mineral foundations lately so I feel like this seemed like a good middle-ground? Haha! It says to have some mineral particles in it so.. yeah.

I've been testing it out this entire week and surprisingly it gives me just as much coverage as any liquid foundations that I own! It didn't dry out on me at all or make me extra shiny by the end of the day. It performed pretty much like any liquid foundation, really!

Odd thing about this though, it kinda settled into my smile-lines.. sometimes. I am guessing that it was because I might not have blended it well enough into my skin. It was recommended to apply the foundation with the specially designed Airbuki brush but I was adamant not to get the brush with the foundation (because that'll mean I would have to spend an extra RM130!! Yikes!) but.. I don't know.. I might get the brush since I do love the feel of the foundation on my skin.

If I had to choose between the three foundation I featured in this entry, I must say that the Sheer Glow Foundation wins the top spot. Not just because it is a NARS product, but I love that even when I am lazy to get my makeup done, I know that this foundation will get it just right. I don't have to be careful or buff like hell to get the job done.

But that's just me.

Now on to some Sephora stuff.. I must admit that I am pretty addicted to that store. So much so that in one of my visits, I told the cashier that I have a 10% off for my purchase which led her to check on her screen;

Cashier: Wow.. You have six 10% off..

W: Yeah.. I have a problem.

Which is true -- I do have a serious shopping problem if I manage to have SIX 10% off!

Anyway, what truly led me to purchase Tarte's powder foundation when I did (it was on my wishlist.. Something 'in the future..' but, well.. I was weak!) was because I bought the mini Amazonian Clay Blush in Exposed for RM30. (The regular size is RM120!) I obviously don't need any more blushers but I wanted to try out Tarte's real badly since that's what they're known best for -- and I was not disappointed!

Even though it didn't look like much, Exposed is a beautiful neutral pink that would look good on any skin tone! (Mumu tried it in the store before she got one herself and it looked good on her tanned skin!)

I would LOVE to get more of them if the minis were available and I highly highly recommend the blushers if not anything else. It lasts so well on the skin!

Enough bimbo-talk.. I should discuss on how to save money and not how to spend them! Hahahhaha

Four.

Can't remember the last time I blogged about a book. It's been a while.

I haven't really had the chance to read an actual book in a long time anyway. The last one I read -- before the one I'll tell you about -- was The Mortal Instruments, I think. And reading five of them in the course of a week pretty much put me in a daze. Just too much information, I think!

It was good, but it's nothing extraordinary. It killed my time, but it didn't leave me wondering about it.

So recently I picked up the Divergent series by Veronica Roth. I looked up on her and turns out she is a few years younger than I am! This is like the whole Cecilia Ahern thing all over again! Gahh! Successful young writers always gets me feeling envious. Of course, I never actually sit down and decide to be a serious novelist, but the idea of making writing as a career.. That is the dream.

Yeah, I've said it. I do dream of being a writer. Encem thinks I could do it. But I am rightfully doubtful. Just look at my blog! I can barely focus on one singular thing, how can I possibly write a whole novel?

Anyway, back to Divergent. Some people say that it is similar to The Hunger Games. I wouldn't say that it is, but they are in the same sort of genre. The protagonists were both strong, young women. They are both kinda sad, with bittersweet ending.

The final instalment of the Divergent series were a bit troubling. I dunno.. I finished the book around 6 am in the morning (I can barely put the book down, it was GOOD!) and I couldn't get to sleep because it left me with a heart ache. I also spent the rest of the day and the day after that being lost in thoughts and basically just lacking in the presence of mind -- not great when your job demands focus and your ability to save lives should there be a need.

It really ruined me.

I was kinda sad and pissed by the ending but after reading Roth's blog and thoughts for coming up with the ending.. It just made sense. Sure, it made sense while I was reading the book, but reading her thoughts pretty much clicked something else in my mind.

The odd thing about Divergent and The Hunger Games.. I feel like the first book was the happiest of the series. Hahahhaha! Well, I find that funny since neither of the two series are "happy" but compared to their respective instalments, they seemed a bit more happier.

I still catch myself thinking about Tris and Tobias and the whole stuff about Divergent these days, but it's useless really. It's not like there's anything I can do about it.

Good thing that I've just picked up the books last week too since the movie is coming out later this month!

I am looking forward to it, but I must say that I'm not crazy about it -- knowing how it ends. Just like Mockingjay. I do look forward to it (probably because of Jennifer Lawrence mostly; that girl is the shiz!) but I am going to hate what's going to happen so.. yeah..

If you're thinking of getting something to read, do consider the Divergent series. They were very well written and it just left you wanting more -- hence finishing up the book way past bedtime!