dot dot dot

I'm bored...

I just spent the last thirty minutes trying out the new Maybelline foundation I bought yesterday.. mm.. all dolled up with no place to go.

Anyway, my birthday turned out alright..

Despite Encem annoying me by leaving me all to myself while I was getting ready for work. He always does that; disappearing just when I'm about to leave for a while. pfft!

Moving on, I was happy enough to know earlier on that I was flying with a friend. (I always get nervous doing an Airbus flight, so having a friend around helps BIG time.)

Thinking that I was surely going to be put as a galley steward, my supervisor surprised me by putting me as cabin stewardess! yayyy! (And he maintained my working position on the way back too! yippeee!)

It had been a good flight to and fro. And I had fun walking around with Amy. We spent the morning in Citigate.. went to central Hong Kong in the afternoon.. and actually even went to Kowloon in the evening!!

A full day well spent.

Oh ohh! And I guess it's the culture.. At the end of day when we arrived in Hong Kong, my set crew actually sung Happy Birthday to me in the hotel lobby and chipped in to give me a pressie from the sales cart! hahahhaha!

Oh well.. it was nice.

Okay, I better go away and sit somewhere quietly before I yap about money and bills..

hahahhahahha!

High Eleven.

Suppose I'm in the writing mood this week.

Anyway, I had a good day.. Despite falling asleep at 6:30 in the morning and got called up exactly at 8:00 for a 12:35 flight which was scheduled to touchdown at 7:40 in the evening.
Aaaaaand.. I am still awake at this hour!
Well, my father did once casually say that I was a nocturnal creature.

But if my opinion counts at all, I would say that I am more of a morning person. I prefer getting my day start early than some time in the afternoon; I'd feel like I have wasted half a day doing nothing worth while. Same goes when it comes to work. The duty officer had offered me another flight with a shorter flight time and later reporting time but I guess since my sleep was ruined, and I was never really the type that could go back to sleep when that happens, might as well I just get up -- and work.

Don't I sound boring.

I had awesome people to work along yesterday, and because I was a joining crew, I worked with TEN people! Two different sets of crew but equally entertaining and awesome! So yeah.. Alhamdulillah..
Then on the way back from the airport I shared the transport with Adi and this one other guy who wouldn't stop talking about things that I didn't mind listening to. hahahaha!
That, my friend.. is a very rare happening.

So I get the day off today..
I couldn't decide on how to spend it. Stay at home? Wander aimlessly outside? After all, it IS just one day.. But.. It is the day before my birthday! -- the birthday which I will have to spend in an aircraft.. pretending to be vigilant.. serve food and drinks to strangers while smiling 'til my teeth hurts.
Yes, I know you can't exactly hurt your teeth, but you get it.

I'll be in Hong Kong on my birthday, Manila on Dida's birthday, Jakarta on Christmas and Kota Kinabalu on New Year's...
#crewlife..
I'm not exactly cheering though..

Ombak Rindu

So where do I begin..

I guess it started a week ago while I was in the saloon.
I saw a booklet of IKEA's Christmas stuff and saw a pair of cute slippers and I had to have! Seeing that there wasn't any call by 2 o'clock (I was on standby from 8 am 'til 4 pm) I asked Dida if she had any plans for the day.
She did.
She was going out with her friends to look at some cars and said that they'll pick me up after. Yayyz!

Sometime in the afternoon she called and asked if I could book some tickets for the movie online. I was hesitant  Mostly on principle (I don't really watch Malay movie.. or drama.. or what ever) but if she had insisted, I would have anyway. But she didn't.
So yeeaaah.. I thought we won't be doing that.
I have to admit though, I was curious about the movie since everyone raved about it.

Dida picked me up at 7, we went to have dinner and while we went to IKEA, her friends went to get tickets!!!

Mmm.. that was a long intro.
Just thought I'd do it How I Met Your Mother style. hahahahahha!!
Okay.. now.. the movie itself.

Characters were WEAK.
Editing was BAD.
Background music; AWFUL.
Shots were DISGRACEFUL.

Sure, I probably should not talk about shots and editing since I only studied that for a few semesters but.. ick! The change from one scene to another was HORRIBLE!! Things were out of focus, lines suddenly stopped halfway, and at one point there was some random person walking at the back of the scene!

Background music.. was basically the saaaame song being played again and again. It was annoying as heck! I don't think people genuinely like that soundtrack. They had just been brainwashed into thinking that they loved it! That song really stuck in your head and won't go away.
You know how in Hindi films, they would use that ONE song for a bunch of scenes but they would change the beat a bit and lose the lyrics.. well, not in this film! They keep using the same tune.. WITH the lyrics! Again.. and again.. and again..
Yes, it's probably a good song (I can honestly say that the lyrics were nice) but to have it keep repeat-peat-peat-peat-peating throughout the movie is just bloody annoying!!!

And oyy, the characters.. WEAK!! SO FRIGGIN' WEAKK!! If it was based on real people, boy.. these are one bunch of stupid people thrown together. Kudos to the actors though. That's the only thing that I can say positively about this movie. The actors were truly embracing their (stupid) characters. They believed that they were these people.

If I could sum the two-hour film into one word, it would be -- OVER-RATED!
I am honestly shocked -- no, appalled that THIS is what Malaysian thinks is "good". Seriously, people? 5.2 million.. for this?
Perhaps I should find the novel and see if it was well written to begin with.
But.. err yeaah.. The likelihood of that happening is very slim.

Anyway, I had a good night. Despite the bad movie (I wouldn't say it was disappointing; to be disappointed one would have to expect something to begin with) I had a good time with Dida and her friends -- mostly laughing inappropriately. Still laughing nontheless.
Plus my curiosity was fed. Good to know that I haven't missed much when it comes to the local entertainment scene.
I can go back to being the indifferent pompous jackass that I'd always been without guilt.

Biding time.

PMS sucks!

Okay, I thank God that I've been lucky for not getting those cramps that other girls get at that time of the month.

But my emotions go haywire. It sucks. Big time.
For instance, I cried listening to James Morrison's Right By Your Side last night. Pffft! And it wouldn't stop for a good hour.
So yeah.. SUCKS!!

I'll be on standby starting tomorrow for four days. I never liked being on standby. I hate it when I get woken up by a call from a person who tells me that I have to work!! Pffft!
SUCKS!

And I'll turn 27 in less than a week.. Ughhh! I really feel old. Especially when the people around me are evolving into someone's wife, husband, mother, father.. Bahh!
It feels so wrong when truthfully I feel happier when I don't think about marriage in the first place!
What the heck is WRONG with me?!

And I'm pissed a lot because I'm not really saying what I really mean to say.. "Secret secrets are no fun, secret secrets hurt someone.."
Yeaah, that's just me most of the time. I wasn't designed to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself and yet here I am... Beating around the bushes.
This isn't me.
I am hating this person that I've become.

Anyway, now I'm obsessed with Tiga Suara's Beribu Sesalan.. Berangan nak karok ngan Dida and Kina. Berangan lah boleh nyanyi that high pitch. Hah!

I need to get away from myself.

Crazies.

So, last night while I was doing a flight from Alor Setar, back to Kuala Lumpur..
A passenger said to me, "you look tired..."

KAU GILA AKU TAK PENAT??!
I got up at 8 in the morning, reported for duty at 11.. did Bali and back; which was full with heavy drinking foreigners, and instead of going home after a three hour flight each way, we had to do Alor Setar and back! Bloody rostering..

Of course, I only said that in my mind.. But I did told that passenger I couldn't wait to get home. I was so excited about getting home that even the passenger seated a few rows behind could hear me.
Anyway, I thank God that I got a wonderful set yesterday. I was tired, yes, but those group of people pretty much made my day.
Alhamdulillah.

Last week Dida and I went to Singapore to visit the H&M store. I know. We're nuts. We'd been planning this trip ever since we got the news that they're opening a store there. That was like, March? The store opened in September but we didn't have the time to go earlier.

Luckily I got three days off while the rest of the office-people are getting a long weekend. (Awal Muharram holidays.)

Another reason to go to Singapore; I need to get to the HRCs again!! Bahahahaha!!

So after my BKK flight on the 25th, I quickly changed my uniform to normal clothes to catch the last flight to Singapore! Encem was working that flight. heehee. Dida was already in Singapore, she drove all the way with a friend.

Funny thing happened while I was checking-in.. There was a guy standing behind the lady at the counter. His friends were telling him to go away and leave me alone. I myself couldn't help staring at him because he'd seemed SO familiar. Then I heard his friends calling him Faridz..

I had to ask him where he's from.

"Shah Alam."

So I laughed.. because he was really a friend from school!

Anyway, we ended up walking around the departure hall and hung outside to smoke while I waste some time before my flight. Funny to have bumped into him like that. Amusing that I've been working for more than two years and only now I found out that he'd been working at the airport for almost nine years!

So anyway, I had a good trip. Managed to get a pin from HRC T3! yippee!

The only HRC in an airport is in Changi Terminal 3. So yeah.. In two days I managed to go to five HRC! T3, Singapore, Singapore Hotel, Sentosa.. and Melaka!

Now, Melaka's Cafe isn't open yet but their Rock Shop is and it seems like the only people who worked there were male. Hmmm..

mm okay. I'm tired of typing. I feel like getting an ice-cream.

東京!

If you have 24 hours in Tokyo...
How would you spend your day?

Well, I suppose I wasn't much of a tourist nor a traveller..
I was just a girl with a mission.
Instead of going to Disneyland or visit the Tokyo Tower or even take a photo with Hachiko, I decided to hit all the Hard Rock Cafes that was within reach! bahahhahaha!
I'm nuts. I know.

So basically I don't really have a picture of myself in Tokyo.. Except maybe this;

hahahahahha!
Anyway, I had a good time even when I had spent most of the day in the train.
Feels kinda proud that I didn't get lost, not even once. heehee!

**the red 'X' marks the closest train station to the hotel while the purple 'X' were the places that I went to.

So.. four HRC in one day.. And there will be a remake of this insanity in a few days.. (in someplace else though..)
I got really cute pins while I was visiting all those HRC.. so yeah.. I was doing something I truly enjoyed in those few hours I got. It was raining all day anyway. So thank God I wasn't so keen on sight-seeing.

Met Hafiz Karim for the first time. teehee! I find it amusing how I had to be in Tokyo to finally meet him.

And now I'm back home.. spending the day off with Encem before going back to Shah Alam tomorrow.. *grins*

Deteriorating.

Flu.
Blocked ears.
Snot oozing.
Food has no taste.

Meds not working.

Bad mood.
Tokyo tomorrow night.
Pfftt!

Piss off!

Bruised and battered.

So...
My heart took another beating.
I really don't know how long I can take it anymore. I suppose if I read through my Moleskine, it's pretty clear that I go back and forth every week -- pretty much since the first week!
So what does that say about me?
Indecisive?
Madly in love??

Pffft! If that's what it is.. I don't think I would've started had I known..
Perhaps I would be satisfied with mediocrity. I may never learn how to be happy so I might as well accept being mediocre.

Anyway, I am currently out of town. Bored. Sleepless. Lonely as ever.
Running out of cigarettes because I had nothing else better to do and losing any interest to food. Bah!
I pray that I won't pass out or anything of the likes when I need to work.

Doing anything in a foul mood just blows, really..

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

$_$

I shall refrain from blogging about money.. uuuh...

I suppose I can be quite a big spender.. sometimes. But really, I blame my sucky roster for giving me boring flights and pretty lousy allowances that restraints my livelihood. hahahaha!

Oh well, I'm not doing too bad really. I'm just grumpy that I can't shop carelessly like a couple of months back. These past two months (and next month too, by the looks of it!) I only have enough to pay my bills, rent and food. (And yes, I do get to spend luxuriously on food..)

I'm just being a brat, is all..

I had wanted to buy yet another Lomo camera (pffft!) but I guess that one will have to wait. I'll just worm my way around getting something else for the time being.

*manic laugh* Yes, my friends.. instead of accepting that I can't afford one thing so I'll just put away what I have for next time, I decided to get something else that I can afford! hahahaha!

ughhh.. I probably need help.

I have enough camera anyway.. (I'm trying to convince myself that!) What I don't have is a magnet thingy for my artsy-crafty crap. heehee. Perhaps I'll show you what I'd do with it once it arrives.

Oh, I saw Good Will Hunting for the first time yesterday.. I suppose I should've seen it a couple of times at least, but I don't know.. I guess I thought that I've seen it before but I just couldn't remember a thing about it..? haha! Anyway, it was a really good watch.

The moment Matt Damon started seeing Robin Williams (who played as a psychiatrist) I knew why the film won so many awards.. I love love LOVE the speech in the park..

The day before that I watched Last Night, starring Kiera Knightley, Sam Worthington and Eva Mendes. mm.. yeah, I hated that one. Mostly because I found it too heavy for my heart.. or brain. What ever. It's really a simple sort of movie.. Kinda straight forward. Just kinda..

I find myself thinking too much about how it ended, really.

The difference between a man and a woman..

I've been getting too many off days lately, it's a wonder how I manage to NOT shop until today.. bahahha!

Singapore layover later this evening.. I gotta remind myself to ask the hotel something I'd been meaning to ask. Oooh I really can't wait for my trip with Dida later in the month!

It's going to be a mini-Hard Rock Cafe tour. I was hoping to finally get my hands on some T3 pins! rawrr! I find it quite ludicrous that there are FOUR friggin' Hard Rocks in Singapore!

And yes, I've been to three of them but I wasn't enrolled in the Pin Collector's Club before.. So now I have to go back. (mm yeah, it's a bit too complicated to explain and I'm lazy. I doubt you'd be interested to read it anyway. Let's just say I'm a seriously obsessed Pinhead.) We're really going to have a look at the H&M store.. but while we're at it, you know. Plus, we could stop over in Melaka on the way back to visit the new HRC!

Bahahahahha!

Aaah.. so many plans this month.. Kinda.

heehee.

Kisah Bisul Pecah.

#crewlife

Kelmarin aku balek dari 4-days trip yang boleh lah tahan meletihkan. Sector-wise, first dengan last day je yang buat kerah tenaga habis habisan. Tapi.. aku dapat lah pulak set yang kaki makan/jalan... Sekali sekala dapat one whole set yang sama wave length ngan kau, takkan kau nak lepaskan peluang, ye dak?

So first day tu, KUL/TWU/KUL/KBR.
Sampai Kota Bharu dah dekat midnite. Kebiasaan crew akan keletihan dan pilih untuk duk dalam bilik order room service ataupun lupakan saja niat nak makan lalu terus tidur.. Tapi set aku tak; sampai di lobby, dapat kunci bilik, tanya front desk kat mana ada kedai still bukak -- "Okay, 10 minit turun eh."
So naik cepat cepat, taruk barang, tukar baju cam pelesit, kencing sat pastu turun!
Memang semua orang turun, kecuali Captain.. (Co-pilot memang kaki jalan, aku tau dah sebab kitorang nitestop KHH sama last month.)

Alhamduliilah, malam tu Leading aku belanja kitorang makan.. Macam tau tauuu je aku memang sengkek abes. Actually gaji dah masuk aritu, tapi aku pun belum sempat gi ATM. Alhamdulillah lagi, gaji masuk awal...
Pastu kitorang jalan balek ke hotel sambil plan esok nak brunch apa..

Pagi esok, kul sebelas kitorang jalan jalan carik nak makan apa. Kali ni Captain ikut sekali. Aku, co-pilot ngan dua stewardess tapau nasi kerabu kat stall pastu rendezvous ngan yang lain kat restoran. (Captain tak makan kat stalls kot.. pfft!) Nasi kerabu, co-pilot belanja.. Air ngan lauk tambahan kat restoran tu Captain bayar.. Alhamdulillah...

Petang tu kitorang fly KBR/KUL/KCH lak.. Tuka dah tech crew.
Alkisahnya, Captain kali ni landing entah cemana ntah.. boleh tahan kuat la hentaknya. Dah keluar kapal malam tu, stewardess aku yang sorang ni dengan tak segan silu pegi gurau sama Captain kata bisul dia pecah sebab landing tu. hahaha. Dengan Captain baik, kau bole la gurau camtu eh...

So malam tu kitorang ramai ramai keluar makan lagi.. Aku layan sotong penyet ngan pisang goreng cheese. Captain ni lak belanja.. Mungkin sebab rasa bersalah. haha! Apa apa pun, Alhamdulillah..
Plan brunch sama lagi esoknya..
Kul sebelas pagi dah kenyang mee kolok. Tak sempat Captain nak kuar duit, steward aku dah gi baya diam diam.. Murah rezeki sorang sorang. Air, Captain tak sempat pape dah hulur cepat cepat.

Flight untuk third day cuma KCH/MYY/KCH.
Balek tu pun tuka baju, terus keluar sebab nak jalan jalan kat The Hills kejap. Tengok tengok barang sikit tapi tak beli apa pun. Kul 7:30 dah jumpa yang lain kat tempat makan.. Malam ni baruuu lah keluar duit sendiri..

Esok tu balek KL empat sektor; KCH/BKI/SDK/BKI/KUL.
Bapak letih, dengan flight full nyee.. Banyak kerenah semuanya. Tapi entah kenapa kitorang pun good mood je. Aku siap kene marah ngan pax yang sorang ni sebab katanya aku tak kasi dia air lagi.. bebel ntah pape la dia, sampai kan pax yang sebelah dia suggest kat aku suh kasi dua kotak air kat orang tu terus. hahaha! Dah aku terhibur kat situ walaupun kene bebel.

And sempat pulak ada pax kasi message ni kat aku;

hahaha takleh blah..
Dahlaa bukan aku pun yang serve dia time service. Tetiba je..
And kat penghujung flight tu, ada pax lain lak hulur duit kat Leading on the way dia keluar sambil cakap, "lunch is on me.." Ewahh! Dapat lah kitorang RM 20+ sorang.. Cover balek duit makan aku malam sebelum tu! hahahahahha Alhamdulillah...

Some days I can't help but feel.. dilindungi Tuhan. hahahahha! Trust me to romanticize things.. Tapi ye lah, time aku sengkek yang amat, time tu la pula adaa saja orang tolong hulur. Alhamdulillah sangat.. Dan flight yang ala ala siot pon aku end up terhibur. I feel so lucky and blessed..

Roster bulan depan tak memberangsangkan, tapi aku still bersyukur.. Aku masih ada kerja. Aku masih suka kerja aku walaupun ada malas tu kadang kadang. Ada lima malam kat Kuching next month. Muntah darah bila difikirkan, tapi tak apalah.. Aku patut fikir positif buat masa ni. Timing cuti aku sedap je -- Dida plan nak pegi Singapore lagi. hehe! And I am rostered for Haneda. Alhamdulillah.. Walaupun short stay, sempat la merasa sebelum B777 amek that route.
Nantikan kedatanganku, Hard Rock Cafes! Akan ku jajahi semuanyaaa! bahahahhaha!!

Aku kena tuka duit cepat cepat so aku tak terbelanjakan.. hehe..

I'd forgotten..

..The last time I really really felt poor.
Okaylaa.. I probably used that word a few weeks ago, tapi haritu punya sengkek tak seteruk kali ni. Duit kat tangan tak sampai lima puluh ringgit, kat both Maybank and CIMB; even collectively tak sampai seratus! Lepas tu esok start four-days trip.
Sedih.
Ada la kan duit yang aku sorok sorok tu, tapi.. I'm really hoping not to touch it!
Tapi mampu ke aku bertahan untuk tak sentuh duit tu sampai gaji masuk? Soalan paling penting, cukup ke duit aku untuk pegi trip empat hari ni? Takkan aku tak sekali pun keluar makan, kan?

Alkisahnya, mungkin aku terlebih belanja bulan lepas.. Gara gara membayar bil credit card bulan lepas, duit aku ala ala cukup makan je to sustain me 'til the next pay day. But I guess I overlooked my bank statement. Rupanya duit yang ala ala cukup makan tu, belum tolak lagi duit insurance.
Maka pada malam tiga belas haribulan selepas aku withdraw RM100 dari CIMB haritu.. terkejut beruk sat bila tengok balance kat resit tinggal RM43.30.
Hmmmmmph!

Selepas kejadian tu aku masih tenang.. I know I had another two hundred in my Maybank.
And yet bila pagi tadi aku tengok M2U, balance tinggal RM80 -- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!!
Lalu aku pon tengok lah Account Details...
So.. I bought something online a few months back but the item was backordered. In the case where an item is backordered, usually the store is pre-authorised to debit the amount once the item is available and shipped.
SEKARANG LAH KANNN KAU BARU NAK AVAILABLE?! Syialan..
Hmmmmphhhhh!!!

It is all bad timing, really. Dida reckons that I suck at managing my money, but I don't think so. I know how to control my spending. I wouldn't have spent as much last month if I know that I couldn't afford it -- but I can. And as for the overlooking my insurance; the auto-debit was on a later date last month.. that's why I overlooked it. The pre-authorization? Manalahh aku tau dia nak tolak bulan ni pulak kannnnn?
Adoi.. Wrong timing.
Anyway, lesson of the month? Lain kali jangan tinggalkan duit cukup cukup makan je.. pfft!

It's been a good day, by the way.
Encem left for his trip but I wasn't left alone for long. I'd spent the day with Ablen after sooooo long not seeing him. Made me miss the Original Members. hehe. Rindu zaman melepak ramai ramai with MY friends. I guess these days I only hang out with people who are also friends with Encem -- or really, Encem's friends! It's been such a long long time since I met up with MY friends.

Nothing wrong with hanging out with Encem's friends, tapi kadang kadang tu terasa bosan.. I'd feel like an outsider. They share a history and speak in a different language. I don't necessarily feel comfortable, mostly sebab aku rasa macam penyebok. Kemana Encem pergi, ke situlah juga aku ikut. Not exactly the sort of girlfriend I want to be, really.

So, thank you so so much Ablen for asking me out! The timing -- was PERFECT. hehe.

Semalam lak pegi Muar untuk sambungan Tea & Coffee Program haritu! It was a really good trip. I felt like I learned something -- langsung tak macam pegi BOH haritu.. pshh! Perhaps being a coffee-lover made the difference, but I'd say that it was the host! They were an awesome bunch of people!
I'm really really glad that I signed up for the program. I've got an email to write of the trip, but alahai malasnyee.. Maybe once I get back from work.

Heart is so Jetlagged.

In the mood of listening to cheesy songs.

Anyway, back to work. My holiday felt really short. My sister was irked with me most of the time because it was pretty hard to get me to stop watching the telly. Haha!
I don't know.. I guess these days my idea of a holiday is simply to chill.. Do what ever I felt like doing.
Unfortunate for her that I just happen to want to be a couch potato on our holiday.

Of course eventually I decided to leave the room and join her under the sun. I would say that it was a well-earned holiday! I got my rest.. A funny looking tan-line.. And yeah, our mandatory jumping pics! Bahahahaha!

The nights were spent under the full moon.. My favourite parts, really. I don't know why but the moon always makes me think.
Dan disebabkan aku lupa diri, golek golek atas rumput lak, akibatnya naik rashes. Pshhhh!
My skin's getting really sensitive lately! Sucks.

Oh. Hmm.. Feeling the need for inspiration now. I miss writing about things in general rather than what I've been up to. Sounds real vain! Hahahaha..
If you actually know me in real life, you'd realize that I don't speak of half the things that I write in here..
So unnecessary...

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

#crewlife

Kompilasi minggu ini, hasil kerja aku dalam empat hari.. (yang aku teringat lah!)

W: What would you like to drink sir?
Pax: Do you have like cappucino....
W: I wish sir, but I'm afraid we only have plain coffee.
Pax: Alright then, coffee.

-----

Pax: The cabin is too cold.. Call the captain and tell him to adjust the temperature. I don't want to get sick.
W: ...sure *jalan laju laju ke galley untuk mengumpat sama Leading*

-----

W: *senyum ikhlas mesra* Good afternoon.. Today we are serving Fried Rice with Prawns Sambal and the second choice is Roti Putar with Chicken Curry.
Pax: *pikir pikir pikir pikir* Nasi Lemak?
W: *masih senyum* No sir, we have Fried Rice..
Pax: *discuss jap ngan member sebelah* Noodle?
W: *ketap gigi* We have Fried Rice and Roti Putar sir..
Pax: Fish?
W: *mata terbeliak sikit sebab tahan daripada menjeling* The Fried Rice is with Prawns and Roti Putar is with Chicken.
Pax: mm.. no noodle aa?
W: *suara sudah garang sikit* No noodles sir, just Rice and Roti Putar. Which one would you like to have?

dan bila dia ngan member dia dah decide, aku tengah pass makanan kat dia..

Pax: No noodle..?
W: No. *kasi makanan dan terus paling pandang pax lain..*

-----

W: Encik, harini kita ada Nasik Goreng ngan Sambal Udang, dengan Roti Putar ngan Kari Ayam..
Pax: Awak rekemen yang mana ye? Mana lagi sedap?
W: *takde mood sebab pax tadi* Dua dua pon biase makan, pada saya dua dua tak sedap.

huhuuu.. aku memang suka hati. Sungguh aku takde mood melayan pakcik pakcik yang lain macam friendly nye.. (Before service this pax dan rakannye memang sebok nak ajak aku berbual.. macam aku takde menda lain nak buat!)

-----

Kapal light load, time service kitorang keluar dua orang jaga satu cart. Aku distribute makanan, stewardess sorang lagi distribute air.. So stewardess sorang lagi tu lagi senang nak capai drinks.. Tengah kitorang nak buat collection dah;

Pax: Hello, one more Pepsi.
W: *rasa berbulu sebab dipanggil 'hello' tapi abaikan saja* sir, you can ask from my collegue.. *senyum*
Pax: *schweet schweet bunyik tikus ala ala rempit panggil pompuan lalu lalang*

Note, passenger ini adalah passenger yang sebok buang masa aku tanya pasal noodles tadi.

Sekian, wassalam..

Of perfections.

Yeaaah..
I was/am crazy, hence the previous entry.

To be truth, I am generally happy.
Apart from the outburst earlier, everything else in my life has been going on alright.

I've practically got my health back, Alhamdulillah.. I can easily forget that I still have the coughs, so it's okay.
I was on standby for the past three days; first day I was called up for BKK and back, and on the third day I did PEN and back! Super simple sectors, and I was absolutely free to go out on the second day!
Alhamdulillah..

So what exactly did I do on that second day?
I threw around some money, of course! HAHAHAHHA!! Bought the ONE thing that I've always always wanted for my bedroom; Cannon Silktex 400 thread count!
Look it up fellas..
I swear, now I wish to die in bed.
Thread count wise, it's not as high as Egyptian cotton would be.. but like I said, you should go out to the bedding section of your favourite departmental store and feel the awesomeness of Silktex yourself! heehee.

Anyway, I feel older for enjoying myself when I buy things for my home. Feels a bit.. less selfish, somehow..? Just kinda.

Next month's roster sucks ass. I am trying my best not to complain.. (Fact: I threw my Blackberry the moment I saw my roster in my email!) It was THAT bad. I'm still trying not to complain..
After all, I do have my annual beach-getaway with Dida to look forward to! yayyy! Finally!!

So yeah, maybe Sags are positive thinkers after all..
-- when you count out the emotional outbursts, of course! hahahha

Emo mthrfckrrr!

Are you worthy of having my whole heart?
Are you truly worthy of getting my unconditional love?
Pada kau la kan.. Layak ke engkau???!

I am barely hanging on. You don't seem to notice. God knows how hard I'm trying to hold on when in fact I am so tired.
So so tired.
Aku lelah hati ni.. Pusing pusing benda samaa je. You said that you're exposing yourself little by little so you'd seem to be a little mysterious.. So I wouldn't get bored.

Well, I am bored. So you FAILED! Ha - ha! I am bored of putting my heart out to be crushed by you again and again.
I'm tired and frustrated and half of my heart is already out the door.
And yet I'm still here. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe I'm just stupid for staying around.
I feel nothing but like a fool.

So thanks!
For 'helping' me become the fool that I am today. You're awesome just the way you are. All sunny and happy..
I don't belong with you, really.
Doesn't matter whether I hide my heart or actually speak out. Nothing ever changes.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Sentap lagi?

I wonder how I would be had I been a less-emotional person.
I know that you're not supposed to wish to be someone else, and I'm not really.. I'm just wondering.. Perhaps there is still time for me to become that person.

I want to feel less.
To not care.
To cry less.
To not hurt as much.

I'm in that sombre mood I suppose.
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around. I wish I was special..
And yes, I am quoting Radiohead because that is exactly how I feel at this very moment.

I'd love to wish for nothing. I want to be stoic. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm letting go.
I don't belong here.
I don't belong anywhere with you.

And yes, this entry is personal and general at the same time because I am crazy.

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

To dream the dream..

Lately I've been speaking to people who reckons that I should be something else -- career-wise.
I find it... amusing how they have more faith in me than myself.
I wonder if my lack of enthusiasm in their suggestions were based on the fact that I am supposed to know myself best.. or just that I'm a scardy-cat underneath.
Fear of rejection keeps me stagnant. Unadventurous, if you like.

Honestly I don't even know.
That bit of me who dreams of being what I had always wanted to be is still alive.. somewhere inside. And I do realize that it's pretty easy to forget when I've been so busy juggling between my job and getting worked up over my personal life! (haha!)
I wish I have a definite answer to this question. (Was there a question?)

Maybe someday?
I do hope that I'd get the chance to somehow materialize that dream though.
Someday...
Definitely someday...
I would definitely jump into it whole-heartedly someday. (And I am typing this while grinning.. this sucks! I can't seem to take myself seriously somehow. ughhh!!)

Perhaps when I am more stable and calm.. Maybe then. (Still grinning.)

Funny how you always thought of doing something but always ended up doing something else.
I never imagined myself in the service industry honestly. I'm too brash and selfish. But somehow I enjoy being around people.
Oh well, maybe someday I will get to a point where I would write about them in a more.. err.. serious way.
Someday.

Oh by the way...

Does anyone feel like I'm getting a bit more.. stupid, lately?
I miss the days when I write like this.

Aku dan demam panasss.

(tiada dalam gambar; ubat batuk jenis cecair..)

Orang kata bila kita sakit, Tuhan ampunkan dosa dosa kecil kita.. Betul ke?
So kalau aku dah sakit since Raya kedua, apa maksudnya? Dosa aku banyak sangat sampai tak terampun dalam masa dua tiga hari? Dah Syawal ke-16 dah, ini aku tak kira time aku start dengan batuk time Ramadhan!

Okaylaa, aku jugak degil sebab taknak jumpa doktor. Siapa suka jumpa doktor kan? (Unless boyfren/girlfren korang doktor laa.. ataupun korang harapkan doktor tu bakal jadi boyfren/girlfren korang!) Lagi lagi dengan profession aku ni. Diorang tengok logo depan medical book aku je, diorang bajet aku nak mintak mc sebab malas keje. Memang bikin hati gua panasss. (terkeluar gangster kat situ.)
Jadi seperti biasa, selagi aku tak rasa sakit macam nak mati, memang aku takkan tunjukkan muka aku kat klinik.

So kelmarin baru lah aku pegi jumpa doktor.. Klinik biase aku adalah Klinik Anis kat Seksyen 3, Shah Alam. Itu memang klinik aku lah! Sejak aku kecik aku pegi situ, kad rekod aku dah kaler kuning kuning dah punye lah lama dah wujud.. Doktor yang bertugas, Dr. Asvinder kot namanye. Punye tere dia ni, aku cakap aku demam dia tanya aku patut fly mana.. Aku jawab Miri, dia kata "Alaa dekat je.." (Dekat dekat pun, pikap aku pukul 0530, duty end time adalah 1405.)
Lalu dia letak strip ala ala nak tengok power battery banyak lagi ke tak tu kat dahi, dan penuh terkejut bunyiknye dia cakap, "Oh, you demam!"
Aku pun reply, "Abestu you ingat I berlakon kee??"
Pastu dia tanya aku bila last mc... aku flip medical book aku yang berada di depan DIA dan jawab, "March.. Allergic amenda ntah.."
Nak tau apa dia respon lepas tu?
"Buat laa allergy test.. 1500 je.."
Ada dua tiga kali gak laa dia mengiklankan allergy test yang bernilai RM1500 tu kat aku.

So anyway, aku pulang dengan ubat demam, antibiotik, selsema, kahak, batuk dan mc untuk sehari.
Terima kasihlah Iqbal kerana sudi menjadi pak supir pada malam itu dari Bukit Jalil ke Shah Alam dan ke Bukit Jalil semula..

Keesokkan harinya aku pulang ke Shah Alam atas saranan Mama yang risau sebab Encem kerja, so takde sape nak jaga aku..
Dah jadi cerita harini lak.. Patutnya aku buat flight Hyderabad, tapi sungguh aku tak larat. Badan baru ala ala nak kebah demam, tak ke susah nak baik kalau asyik dikerah tenaga je? Maka aku pun ajak Dida yang sesuka hati amek EL harini, untuk bawak aku gi klinik.. dengan harapan supaya aku dapat mc lagi supaya aku dapat berehat.

Doktor kali ni namanya Dr. Gowdh. Dia tengok aku, amek kiraan nadi aku sambil ambik temperature aku pakai electronic thermometer. (Doktor aritu tak sentuh pun thermometer!) Selepas berapa saat ntah dia tengok bacaannya; 39°C! Hahahahhaha.. tak sempat aku nak berlakon sakit, rupanya memang aku masih sakit! Ni paling best.. pada hari yang aku rasa macam ala ala nak kebah ni, suhu aku adalah 39°C!! hahahahaha! Aku tak tau nak cakap apa dah.. Time haritu aku rasa miserable abes tu suhu aku berapa?? 41°C??

So kesimpulannye aku memang terer demam. Takde nye nak demam sikit sikit. Kalau nak demam terus demam panas. Siap doktor ni cakap, kalau by esok tak elok lagi aku patut pegi Medical Centre untuk buat blood test! huhuuu.. Aku pon tak tau lak demam aku seganas ni.
Tapi semalam mimpi aku memang tak tenang laa.. dok terpikir Hyderabad laa.. tetiba ada pasal Pune laa.. Aku pon tak tau laa.. Naseb tak meracau dalam Hindi je..

Nak dijadikan cerita lagi, dalam dua hari aku call Duty Officer, dua dua kali aku bercakap ngan orang orang cibai. Entah apa masalah diorang ntah, jawab telefon pun lambat! Bila aku sebut "117" je nada diorang jadi lain. Macam laa aku ni kaki mc sangat. Ini first time aku mc flight Indian-route kot! I doubt diorang perasan la kan.

So anyway, I hope Karma will get their asses. Aku taknak doa specific, aku tak sampai hati. Kalau kalau memang aku ada tulah Raden ke Pangeran Jawa keee.. tak pasal pasal je. Aku memang pemarah, tapi rasanya belom lagi tahap busuk hati..
Also, kepada sahabat handai dan juga penumpang penumpang yang kurang bernasib baik, naik flight aku dari 31 Ogos sampai 10 September haritu.. harap maaf ye kalau virus virus aku dah termelekat kat korang. Sungguh, tak disengajakan..

So I'll ask nothing..

Last month I wrote to myself; no lingeries for two months!
hmmmphhh!!!
Bloody Victoria's Secret and its offers..

 So my "plan" to save up failed once more.
In my defense though.. It's not completely my fault! I was born a girl after all.. and isn't it a fact that the female sex is weaker to temptations? (Ask Eve! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!)
Oh well.. not everything that I bought are for myself.

Things to buy once I get this month's pay (yes, I've already thought of it!); film scanner (I've looked it up at Low Yatt the other day.. I don't care, I'm getting one!) and an Instax for Izzati's birthday!
Apparently my niece is into photography as well.. and she especially loved my Instax after she had the chance to play around with it during our Raya photo-sesh. So I suppose it is my aunty-duty to encourage her...
sigh.. How do you get an 8-year-old to understand that photography is an expensive hobby though?

 Anyway... Nothing much going on lately other than my stormy mood.
I think I just need to stop having expectations.. Stop asking for things.. Stop dreaming..? hahahaha! I am going to sound nothing but morbid if I continue.
Oh.. hmmph.. Sometimes I forget what I want.

 #crewlife
I kinda made a lady cry before flight today. Apparently she and her husband and baby checked in late earlier so they were seated separately. I couldn't simply change their seats since she was at row 14; where the emergency exits were. Anyway, I left her for a bit while I attend to the other passengers board and looking for a place for her and her family. (It was a full flight from KK.. naturally!)

Just right before the door closes, I managed to talk two ladies into giving away their seats so this family could sit together.. and when I walked to the earlier lady to tell her the news, I found her crying! I asked the poor man seated next to her if he knew what was up and he confusedly shook his head. What's worse, that lady seemingly unable to hear me say that I've found her two seats for her and her family. (The git!)
Anyway, I went to her husband and asked him to get her moving so the two good ladies could sit down. 

Moral of the story?
Ask, and you shall receive. (Unless you're me, that is!) Tapi tolong jangan mengada nak nangis nangis boleh tak? Dah besau panjang koooot.. Kat public koooot.. isyk! She herself knew that they were late to check in. So? Nangis buat apaa? Salah sendiri kan? Buat orang susah hati je.. Nyampah!

Part Of Your World.

Sometimes my brain gets a little funny by having that The Little Mermaid soundtrack on loop.
Might be embarrassing (and slightly pathetic) to admit this but I've cried to it once.
I guess I couldn't help but still feel so foreign even when I'm with friends. An outsider. I suppose it's just one of those things that you get when you're so adamant to be yourself. A little side effect to your quirks.

I never wanted to be a simpleton. Maybe in the way that I live, but never in my mind. But I can't help feeling like there's a constant battle inside of me that I can't seem to shake off.

Being typical sends me the shivers and yet at the same time I don't want to be so different that no one could understand me!
But that's how I feel most times anyway. Different, even when I'm not trying to be.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here!
Maybe I'm saying nothing..
Or maybe that I wish that some days.. Or at least someday.. Someone will finally get me. Someone who is ever so willingly to accept me for whoever that I am, no judgement. Someone that I can truly be myself with without fear. Someone whom catches me even before I fall. Someone who wouldn't have left me crying by myself if crying is what I felt like doing.

I can't help feeling so alone these days.
Patience is not my strong suit and I'm so tempted to wander off..

Sent from my BlackBerry® via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.