Pregnancy Woes

When I created this blog, I never meant it to be anything specific.
Not when I was still in school, not when I was crazy about my work, and not even now that I'm pregnant.
But I feel like I've been almost distant while I'd been writing about my pregnancy. Suppose it's mostly because in my mind, I had wanted to share "informations" instead of "feelings" so.. that's what happened.

So here's an entry where I'll yap and ramble random things about my pregnancy!
Beware!

This entry in particular will focus on my complaints while carrying this lil' bub.
(May sound negative, but helpful -- I swear!) You have no idea (or maybe you do?) how reassuring it is when you found someone else who shares the same problems as you do! hahahha

I'll say that my pregnancy hasn't been too hard so far. There were some bits of change and "woes" throughout, but I didn't get that typical morning sickness that people tend to talk about.
I did feel gassy through Weeks five 'til about eleven.
My skin had definitely changed, I was getting spots on my chin and cheeks. I also have tiny bumps all over my forehead that looks not too different from baby's heat rash.

Oh! Constipation! Apparently it's really common, and a real bitch. Constipation whilst pregnant is a real thing, folks!
And since I've been taking iron for supplement, my stool has turned black! That was.. amusing, when it first happened. More so when I had diarrhoea that one time. hahahha!

Then there's back pain while travelling for too long in the car. That lasted throughout the first trimester. Wasn't so bad as I entered the twelfth week somehow.
But constantly feeling like a walking heater.. that hasn't gone away unfortunately. Wish I could wear sleeveless all day everyday! Even cuddling with Monkey felt so uncomfortable some days.

Second trimester brought in some new hardship.
The gassiness went away, but I started getting posterior pelvic pain at around week twenty. I try SO hard to hold out 'til I really have to waddle but I'm afraid I started early in that area.
It felt like my butt cheeks were out of place.. like how sometimes when your arm feels sore but you could stretch it out and it feels fine -- but no matter how much you stretch, your butt cheeks still feels uncomfortable.

So uncomfortable that I rarely ever turn when I sleep. And the only way that I can walk comfortably is by waddling. It isn't cute. Then of course when I'd been sleeping on one side for a whole night, I'd wake up with an ache to that entire side! I just can't win.
Then not too long after that I experienced my first round ligament pain. That was a real "pain". Bearable, but really worrying when I first had it.

It'll happen when I'd make sudden moves or suddenly change my positions. The first time I had it, I was trying to get up from a reclining chair too fast. Then I keep getting it every once in a while if I'd been walking too fast or too long.
Uncomfortable and alarming, but no biggie!

By the end of second trimester, I experienced my first heartburn..
That was not fun.. at all! It literally felt like my chest was burning and it always came around at night when I was ready for bed. That was total shit. But that didn't last too long, I think! I had it for a few nights and it sort of just went away..
Kinda expecting it to come back in the third trimester.. but I'm not hoping. Not at all looking forward to it. Just expecting since I keep seeing it coming up in articles. sigh

My Ramadhan had been going well until I started getting gassy again. I keep forgetting that now my belly is growing bigger, my stomach gets pushed upwards. As the fasting month goes, I always end up falling asleep only after suhur and naturally, whatever that went in wants to come back up after a few hours of lying down.
Stupid.. and disgusting, I know. So my best solutions so far is to stay up even longer than I want to -- or put up several pillows under my head so at least my neck is higher than my chest.

[edit] Oh! I just remembered that there's that one time when I got a real bitch of a leg cramp in my left leg during my sleep. One that got me moaning loud enough that it woke Monkey up whom then helped me to try stretch that leg out. Bless him.
After that episode, I haven't gotten any leg cramps *knocks on wood* but I have had a few times when it had threaten to come back -- but I quickly changed my legs' positions, and saved myself from that pain.

Now as I enter the third trimester, I was introduced to pubic bone pain -- OH MY GOD!
It's probably the most uncomfortable thing I've experienced so far. It's a sharp pain on my pubic bone that feels like I had bikini wax on the same spot, several times in a short period of time! It stung and ached and moving around was torturous! It's like that pain I had on my butt had decided to move forward -- except worse.

This one was the worst yet. Basically it stings whenever I move my legs separately. Like when I'm trying to get out of bed, or put on pants, or get out of the car. I also have to walk real slowly..
It also made it painful to turn in bed. Basically having a good night's sleep is -- no amount of pillows could help me now.

I suppose I was sort of amused that my aches and pains keeps moving around and not stay for too long.. or happens at the same time. I am grateful for that at least.
I asked Kina if she had any pregnancy woes throughout her five pregnancies and apart from the first week of gassiness when she had first found out that she was pregnant, she had no such pain at all! Bitch. HAHHAHAHA!

Some of my friends had told me to drink milk to avoid any sort of bone related ailment but I have been drinking milk! Even manage to finish a tin of Enfamama!
I'm quite confident that my aches and pains weren't related to calcium deficiency. Perhaps my bones and ligaments in my pelvic area are just too good at loosening up and getting ready for the baby.
Just my pelvic area though. Personally I'm still nervous about being in labour.. while being so excited about holding Nugget in my arms!

Can't stop feeling amused everytime I feel the baby moves. I get a little out of breath sometimes but it's.. weird and magical at the same time.
I do feel blessed for this experience, despite all my complaints so far. I've been pretty emotional every now and then but Monkey's been great and really patient. He'll make a great dad, there's no doubt that Nugget will favour him more than me. sigh.

I think that's pretty much it from me when it comes to complaints.
I suppose there's Braxton Hicks contractions to look forward to. Well, who am I kidding? I am surely NOT looking forward to any sort of pain, but I am mentally preparing myself for what's coming in the next few weeks.

Just weeks to go from here. Where did all the time went?? I really am beginning to freak out..
I pray things will go on smoothly from here.. insyaAllah.

Nesting.

Approaching Week 30 of my pregnancy..
I'm debating if this entry should be under the "pregnancy" category but I digress.. This feels more like a life update than being pregnant-specific.
BUT! They're very closely related.. We'll see.

I am actually looking forward to re-do the smallest room in our apartment and turn it into the baby's room. Currently it's more like a storage/cram whatever/guest room. It's a weird sort of room, very dusty as we don't go into it that often but I am really excited about moving things around in between the smallest room and the second room.

So far we haven't really bought much baby stuff apart from a carseat, foldable baby tub and a playpen because we haven't got a place to put them in yet.
We decided to go with a portable playpen instead of a traditional baby cot since we're due to move out some time next year and the one that we bought seemed easy to pack up in between rooms or houses.

There is a single bed in the small room which I think will remain there for late night feeding or to catch some sleep. That room has almost no natural light coming in which is perfect for sleeping at any time of the day. Monkey had mentioned that he wanted to get a kiddy-curtain for that particular room. I find that amusing since that never really crossed my mind.

We also need to switch up the curtains in our room. It's been the same white curtains since we moved in a year ago because I like having a diffused light coming into our room, plus it makes the room a little more spacious than it really is. But hubs is REALLY concerned about getting enough sleep, so we'll be looking into thick, dark curtains soon.

As much as I hate having everything from IKEA, it's just SO easy to get things that I need under one roof! Seems like they have expanded their range in the baby-category in recent years and I do think we'll be buying some baby related things there.. of all places!

I do have my heart set on the Trofast storage system.
I had mentioned to Monkey about getting the boxes with lids in several sizes for different things. Smaller ones for the teeny tiny clothes while the larger ones to store other things. Then maybe after the move to a more permanent place, we'll get the frames that the boxes will fit into.

I'm actually really excited about that. Excited about organising baby things and see what we have enough of, or what more do we need.
Well, we need a heck lot more! Hubs and I haven't really got into that shopping mood just yet although we have bought some random bits and bobs.. a couple or two clothes from the sale in Mothercare that is currently ongoing 'til second of July.
I still have my heart set on picking up some Aden & Anais swaddle and blankets because I keep hearing so much about them, so I'll be waiting for that baby expo coming up at the end of July.

Hopefully I won't be too huge and tired to walk around by then!
We really do have a LOT to do around the house and I just pray that Monkey won't end up having to do everything by himself.

I've been told to start making a list of things that I'll need but I just can't seem to get around to it! Seems so REAL and SO MUCH MONEY! hahahaha! Do you have any clue how much a good breast pump would cost?! And diapers too!
Suppose I'll make the list before the expo in July so we could get a good discount on things that we really need.

So far the house doesn't feel any different. While the second room is still occupied, there really isn't much that can be done. Except maybe sort our wardrobes to make room for.. whatever really. I'm starting to get that feeling to nest, but it's frustrating to not have the room for my ideas.

Hopefully the lil' kid isn't planning on a surprise and arrive too early. I mean, everyone has warned me that the first pregnancy usually gets delivered ahead of the due date.. I am wrapping my head around that. But not too early please, Nugget!
I hate the thought of us running around the house like a headless chicken, trying to get things as organised and settled as I had hoped it would before the baby arrives.

I mean, we're planning to move the wardrobe and bookshelf from the smallest room into the second room, so Monkey better not have to do all that by himself!
Aaanyway, Eid is coming up and all we could think about is channelling what we have towards the baby's arrival. It's hard to swallow, but for the first time in my life I won't be getting a new outfit for Eid this year!

Well, it really is no big deal. But I am a lil' wee bit sad, still.
Priorities, though!
I'll get over it.
Happy that I'll be spending the holidays with family! Even Monkey will be around for a couple of days! yayy! I'm already imagining all the good food.. SO excited!

The Second Trimester. (Part 2)

Felt baby's kick as we were approaching Week 19.
April 1st, even. A joker, this one.
Wasn't too sure if it really was the baby but Nugget kicked again.. and again.

Got my first tetanus shot at Week 22.
It was uncomfortable. Can't remember the last time I got a shot, to actually feel the medicine going into your upper arm.. the sting.. it was unpleasant.

I wouldn't say that it was painful; it wasn't painful to me, but it stung and it felt hot on my arm. While some say they'd feel their arm go numb for a while after, my arm felt fine. But it was a bit itchy around the area where I got the shot for a few days.
Apart from that, the particular visit was uneventful. My nurse had wrote down in my book to come by at 09:00 but I was there at 08:30. Waited until 10:02 before my number was actually called!
I left the clinic at about 11:00.

My body was adjusting once again around this time. My bump was getting more noticeable, I was getting a little gassy again and some heartburn late at night. Then there's round ligament pain, which isn't funny at all. And my back.. or hip.. actually it's more like the bone on my butt was achy. I always thought pregnant women walked funny because they were adjusting to the size of their belly but I was beginning to think that like me, they've been walking funny because their butt cheeks were giving them discomfort!

I don't know if there's an exact name for that part of our body but it's not exactly the back, or the hips and it's definitely not the coccyx! It's more like the back part of the hips, perhaps quite parallel to the coccyx.
That's the best way I can describe it in words, unfortunately.
Anyway, they are uncomfortable, border-lining on painful to the point that when I sleep -- I rarely ever move! It's like my body knows that turning from one side to the other would cause me pain, so even in my sleep, I don't bother turning my body.
Which of course then led to one sore side once I wake up!

Coming up to Week 24, we had an appointment for a detailed scan at Umra.
This is when they do a 3D/4D scan of our lil' Nugget! Unfortunately government clinics does not offer this service as they don't have the equipment for it.
NOTE: If you have any concerns about your pregnancy at all, you may want to visit a private hospital or clinic to get an ultrasound at Week 12-14 for an NT Scan, then at Week 24 for a Detailed Scan where you get to look at baby's little fingers, their teeny tiny face, and if baby cooperates -- their gender too! Actually some can already see the baby's gender by Week 16, but it's clearer by Week 20 onwards.

About a month after my first tetanus shot, I got my second dose. Apparently you get it twice on your first pregnancy and only once if you've been pregnant before. This time it didn't burn as bad somehow. Still uncomfortable but a lot less unpleasant.
The rest of my check-ups were short and not special.

Well, except for the bit where I got lectured on the food I should be eating as my Hb dropped since my last check-up. My nurse also upped my iron dosage to two pills instead of one. She also measured my belly and checked on the baby's heartbeat.

This check-up at Week 27 took about an hour and half. I came in at 09:15, had my number called for the Hb and pee test at 09:22, saw my nurse at 09:45, got my shot at 10:36 then left the clinic at 10:40. That lecture really took a while..

By the end of second trimester, my belly was definitely getting bigger. I could feel Nugget getting bigger. Baby's kick was getting stronger. Its movement more recognisable.
I was approaching seven months of pregnancy after all!

Second trimester notes:
1. If the nurse gives you a certain time to come by, just follow it. I feel like the clinics are busiest at the first hour they are open. Then things sort of just calms down as the hours go by.
2. Perhaps I'm an extra parent, it's not exactly a requirement to get the Detailed Scan but as mentioned previously, any chance I get to see Nugget, I'm going to grab it! Getting one is not a bad thing. During my scan. the sonographer had focused on the baby's heart, checked on baby's digits, see baby's heart and if baby has a cleft lip.. it's a good thing.
3. The first two months of the second trimester was the BEST time to go anywhere and do anything. At least for me, that's when I was most comfortable with my body and I hadn't had any pregnancy woes to talk about.
I'd say it's the best time to start having a look at baby's stuff, stuff you might need once the baby arrives. If you prefer to survey for things, test them out in stores before actually committing to them, it's the right time to do so.

We're pretty much all caught up now!
The next pregnancy-entry will take a while from now on, so if this hasn't been your jam.. Rejoice!
I'll try and entertain you with some fluff in the next few entries and not totally abandon this blog. heh!

A borrowed time.

Hubs made me cry last Sunday.
Aren't I dramatic?
It has nothing to do with what he did, really. He was just sharing something that happened at work that day.

He was flying back from an Australian port and flight was fine. He touched down as per scheduled, just before 6PM but that night he came home at about midnight.
He texted me after touchdown that there was a medical case.
Passenger unconscious.
They (the crew) were administering CPR and that he'd text me back.

Ten minutes later he texted again saying that the passenger did not survive.

I told him to just tell me about it once he gets home.
As he did, he took a shower first thing before finally sitting down next to me and told me about the incident.

The passenger was an elderly female, travelling with her husband of fifty-plus years. They had always wanted to come visit the country but were always busy with work. They finally got the time to travel and not too many steps from exiting the aircraft, the lady collapsed and was unconscious.

It wasn't the flight crew's responsibilities to attend to such situations as the passenger was already in the terminal, but other passengers who'd noticed this incident came running back into the aircraft for help.
So the crew members of this flight ran towards the couple with whatever equipment that they have onboard and did what they could.

Unfortunately first aid was just not enough during this situation.

And while waiting for the authorities, the crew tried to console the husband by talking to him.
That's when Monkey overheard him whispered to his wife, "I wish we had a few more years.."

I - just - can't.
I tried to just listen to his story and just listen, but I couldn't help but empathise..

I wish Monkey and I won't ever feel that way -- hoping for something that we can't have.
I've never said this out loud but I've been wary since I got pregnant.
I also hadn't told Monkey that I almost slipped in the bathroom last month.
Suppose I should accept fate.

Hubs will HATE it if I say anything remotely morbid. But I am me after all. Thinking about the worst that could happen comes naturally to me. Of course I don't wish for anything bad to happen -- especially onto myself. But bad things happens to the best of us, right?

I pray that everything will be fine..
I'm excited for the arrival of our baby, but at the same time I am scared shitless.
I hope Monkey and I still have many years together. Even if we just end up frustrating each other as we always do.

Aah, so here's where I leave you. Because talking.. writing.. thinking about any place without Monkey around just makes me sad..

Wishing the best for every one of us. May we all never wish for things that we can't have.

Of anything else..

How have I been doing so far?

I have been talking about Nugget a lot, it seems.
Between this blog, and my Moleskine, also the journal that I've been writing Nugget.. feels like all I ever talk about is this little bub! I don't think I am losing myself just yet, that feat will probably take a whole lot to do. But I do feel like I am losing things to talk about now that the baby has taken over my work and obsession with make-up.

I am still not missing work, by the way.
Kinda worrying.
Truth be told, I am getting a little scared by the idea of going back to work. I wasn't in love with it when I left and I might have been a little traumatised even, but I see the need to go back to work if I'd like to keep my livelihood and sanity.
I don't think it takes all that much to keep me happy, but I do prefer having the best of anything if I can get it, and I don't see how I could if Monkey is the only person providing for this family.

And this may be too soon to say, but ideally I would like Nugget to have siblings someday.
Too soon to actually plan for it, but I've always adored having my sisters and I hope I'll be fit and strong enough to provide that for my bub one day. Of course, if I'm fated to have just one then so be it. But if there is a choice.. If it is possible.. If I don't end up being traumatised by giving birth.. yeah, I'll go through the gassiness, constipation and spotty face all over again one day.

So yeah, as much as I don't miss the idea of work right now, I'll probably go back once my maternity leave is over. I really do miss shopping with my own money! hahaha!

In other news, my Ramadhan has been going good so far. I've asked my family and friends if they fast while being pregnant, and the answers were a mix. I was determined to try and alhamdulillah, so far everything is going well. I was never going to force myself anyway. I reckon if I was in my first trimester, I wouldn't even bother because I was hungry most of the time but now that I'm well in my second, I think I can manage it.
Nugget has been kicking me more at around five to six pm especially on that first day but we're alright.. We can handle this!
I mean, this has only been the third day.. *rolls eyes*

I know that I've been blogging A LOT this month!
A part of me is thinking, "while the mood still strikes me..".
Also, "while I still have the chance and have both hands free.." heehee. I reckon I'll have to learn to use just one hand for a bunch of things once the baby arrives and I don't think I'll have much time to be in front of my computer.

Life's been good overall. If there is any real complaints, it's mostly because I miss my financial freedom -- which is terrible! Monkey has been super throughout this journey. He sighs a little sometimes but he never complained. Nothing like me anyway, 'cause I'm a real brat!
I'm still amazed by how cool he seems with being the sole breadwinner of our little family. I mean, clearly I am quite high-maintenance if you haven't noticed!

He's always been the joker; never really serious with anything.. but time and time again he surprises me with his "plans" for us. I don't know.. maybe because I've never been the planner. I've always been the I'll-deal-with-what's-in-front-of-me kind of girl so when he talks about his plans and the future, I'm always taken aback.
To think that I'd spent years being unsure of him..
This man is going to be my baby's daddy! HAHAHAHHA!!

I find it amusing how we'd seen each other in our best and worst. The perks of growing up with your partner, I think. I feel like we were children when we first got together. Still trying to figure out our lives, what we really want out of it. Now we're a few months away from being parents!
It's CRAZY come to think of it.
But I couldn't imagine going through all this with anyone else but Monkey. I really feel blessed with how everything had turned out in my life.

Dida reckon that I am lucky. I honestly don't see it as luck, though.
I really do feel truly, blessed. Alhamdulillah..
Things are not perfect, but I'm grateful and glad for everything that I have. Now I pray that Nugget will grow up fine, healthy and well.

Nothing much to update you on, then. That's pretty much what's going on with me lately.
So here is where I leave you for now.
Hope you'll have a wonderful June, folks!

The Second Trimester. (Part 1)

I find having an app on my phone to keep up with my pregnancy really helps.
Honestly, who has the time to remember the actual weeks of their pregnancy?
I had started with Pregnancy+ by Health & Parenting, but I wasn't too keen with the features and navigation (even though it was still very useful!) so I am currently using the app by BabyCenter on my phone.

So, going into Week 13 was kinda.. weird.
First trimester was all about adjusting.
As the second trimester rolled in.. everything felt normal again.
I had worried about Nugget's well being throughout the first trimester. Thought I'd be over it as we get into the second trimester, but NOPE.
I was then worrying if I was still pregnant because I'd felt so NORMAL that I didn't feel like I was pregnant!
I know.. nothing can please me at this point.

But I loved that I got my strength back. I wasn't so starving the very second I wake up every morning. I've been getting more sleep as my body wouldn't wake me at 8am as it would throughout the first twelve weeks. And most importantly, I didn't feel as gassy as I have for the past many weeks!

My first check-up for the second trimester was at Week 15 with the Family Medicine Specialist.
As mentioned in a previous entry, I had this appointment because of my history as a smoker.
Didn't do much at this appointment, really. Just talked to the nice doctor who then did an ultrasound to make sure that the baby was progressing normally.

The week after was my appointment at the private hospital where they did another ultrasound -- as they do at every visit. Not really necessary -- really adds up to the bill if I'm being honest, but I LOVE seeing Nugget whenever I can, so no complaints there! heh.
At Week 16, it is the best time -- and last, that you can get a scan of the baby in full view. Anytime after that, the baby will be too big and you won't be able to get their full head to toe on the screen.

Then at Week 18 or 19 would be the time to get the glucose tolerance test (MGGT) done.
I was asked to start fasting from 10PM until my appointment at KKIA to get my blood drawn the next morning.

I got there at 07:40 and the numbers started getting called at 07:57. It was at 08:25 when my number was called to get my blood drawn for the 'fasting blood sugar' test. Then the nurse handed me a toxic-looking orange drink in a tall cup; about Starbucks' venti size, that I needed to finish. It was REALLY sweet. So much so that it actually stung my throat! Once I was done, the nurse asked me to come back to that room at 10:30.

While I was waiting to see my usual nurse, my stomach was really unhappy. There was like a storm in there. Probably shocked with that sickly sweet glucose drink after 10 hours of not having anything.
At 09:30 I got to see my nurse. We got the normal checks done (weight and BP) then chatted like normal. She asked if I'd felt the baby move, which I hadn't. She then asked me to lie on the bed as she went to measure my belly and checked for the baby's heartbeat! Then she restocked me with my supplements which were now three pills of iron, B complex and folic acid. (I reckon Iberet's better but they've run out of stock. Sad, I know.)
That meeting took about twenty minutes.

So I waited a while more. Expecting for my number to get called at 10:30 to get my blood drawn again after the 'modified glucose tolerance test', but it never did. I was getting restless and nervous by 10:45, knowing that this particular KKIA sends all their blood tests out at 11:00 (things you overheard over the multiple visits), so I went back to the "blood room" and the nurse said that they'd called my name earlier. *eyeroll*
Aaanyway, got my blood drawn a full syringe again then I was done at 10:51!

Things I learn in the fourth month;
1. You only get to see the specialist at the government clinic if you have a higher risk of pregnancy. Pro -- extra ultrasound! Con -- extra appointments. bleh!
2. Week 15 or 16 is THE BEST time to get your ultrasound printed out! Baby actually looks like a baby and not some undecipherable blob.
3. Glucose tests are done from Week 18 -- and that drink sucks!
4. The insides of my elbows were actually bruised for over ten days after getting my blood drawn! (Doesn't happen to everyone. My skin is just THAT sensitive.. and perhaps the nurse wasn't that good at drawing blood in the first place.)

5. If the nurse said to come back at a certain time, just come back -- I thought I was being a good girl, waiting so patiently for my number to get called. Turned out I was almost stupid, if I'd missed the cut-off time, I would have to do the MGGT all over again some other time! yikes!

Pandora.

I honestly don't know what made me do it..
But I do own a Pandora bracelet.

I remember when everyone was so crazy into them and I honestly can't figure out why anyone would spend so much on a silver charm bracelet of all things.. Silver!
I mean, I get the pull by the charms. I've always loved the idea of a charm to commemorate an achievement or a memory.
But, silver!

So I was in Darwin and these Pandora things were slightly cheaper in AU than in Malaysia. My supervisor had called me to accompany her to look at the bracelets and the charms. At first glance, yes, I like the simplicity of the bracelets. Then as my supervisor was looking at the charms, I saw it -- a BUNNY!!
And I thought it was the most adorable thing in the world!
Hence the story of how I got sucked in. hahahaha

But a bracelet with a single charm looked a little lonely.. (ha!)
And I saw an intricate looking lacy heart charm with a coloured stone in the centre. I understood that they were differently coloured according to birthstones, but being born in December though, I was never crazy for the colour turquoise.
So I decided to get the heart charm in my favourite colour -- even if it was meant for someone born in July. Oh well!

Thus my splurge in Darwin. They didn't have a monkey charm 'til this day, unfortunately. I do hope that one day they'll make one! They have a barn's selection of animals in their collection and some more like fish, elephant, and tiger so I don't see why they can't make a monkey!

My third charm happened a little later in 2016.
I found out that they had an exclusive charm made every year as a "Pandora Club" charm and when I saw it, I knew -- I had to have it.
It was another intricate heart charm (I realize that I don't particularly need two heart charms on one bracelet) but it had a delicate diamond in the centre on one side, while the other side was engraved with the year, "2016". Somehow just seeing it.. my mind made a connection between the charm and my wedding earlier in the year. Super gedik, yes, that's me.

I looked high and low for this particular charm! I went to several stores here in Malaysia and they were all sold out. Luckily Bestie had an Aussie flight coming up and was able to get the charm for me in Perth!

So three charms so far. I honestly don't know how other girls got their bracelets so pretty and colourful. I wonder if they just build it to however they like it to look or every charm had meant something to them? As much as I want mine to look pretty.. I really can't bring myself to get random charms that has no personal connection to me.
Can't even imagine getting more than one bracelet because I'd hate to choose a "favourite".

My charm collection may grow one day, it may not. But a part of me have accepted the fact that it'll probably look forever-awkward and seemingly makes no sense. I'm okay with that, though.
As long as it made sense to me, that's all that matters to me most.

Anyone reading this is crazy about Pandora?
Perhaps you're more of a Thomas Sabo person?

Chatty May!

Well, I don't want to JUST talk about my pregnancy so I'll do one of these once in a while.
Pregnancy - random - pregnancy - beauty.. maybe.
This blog has always been about my life in general. My mental health, even. hahaha! And I would normally get bored of anyone who just talks about ONE single thing at any given time, so I don't want to be someone who just talks about her pregnancy all the time.
I'm trying anyway.

But a part of me wanted to get the posts on the first trimester over and done with because that was the bit where I got most confused with when I first found out that I was pregnant. Now that I've done sharing about that first trimester, we can talk about something else! I do feel bad for shoving that much info on anyone, but I had wished someone had shared with me their experience for that very FIRST visit.
Oh well, I hope I'd helped someone with that entry.

Anyway, a fair warning -- things might get into pregnancy stuff again because I pretty much have a single-track mind at the moment. It's sad, but that's just how it is I suppose.
As much as I would love nothing more than to talk about shopping, the only reasonable things that I could possibly shop for are baby stuff.

I wasn't even looking for strollers just yet but it's hard to not admire the Stokke Xplory once you've seen it.

Sexy, but I'm definitely not spending over 5K on a damn stroller, NO WAY!

So I've been looking at something fun like diaper bags!
I've always had this idea that I'll splurge on my bag since it's going to be something that I will use. And knowing that I'll most probably spend most of my money on this kid in the future, I feel like I deserve this one thing.

I'm not going to lie, I went as far as looking at the diaper bags that Prada, Burberry and Gucci makes. HAHAHAHAHA!
They were fun to look at but I reckon I'm too rational to be spending that much (also over 5K!) simply for their name.

I don't know about you, but I just can't see myself spending almost six thousand Ringgit on a bag that isn't even made entirely out of leather! I just can't do it. Sure, if I DO have the money then I'd probably say differently.. but would I really?
heh.

Then there's the slightly more affordable range by Kate Spade and Marc Jacobs.

But I honestly can't picture myself wearing bags by Kate Spade or Marc Jacobs! I don't know why. I mean, okay, I've never been keen on Marc Jacobs to begin with, but I ADORE Kate Spade's jewellery and home decors! Still I can't picture myself purchasing one of her bags.
Perhaps I will always have an issue with paying anywhere over 1K for a bag when they are not made of leather. Plus, they're tote bags! Can anyone remember the last time I was wearing a tote bag? No? Me neither.

Then there's Rebecca Minkoff Knocked Up Baby Bag -- which is over 1K, and not made entirely out of leather, which totally makes me a hypocrite for saying what I said in the previous paragraph! hahahha! But we're talking about Rebecca Minkoff here. I LOVE her bags! Six (which is the number of her bags that I own) is not enough! HAHAHAHA!
I've always pictured myself getting this particular bag one day, if I'm being honest. My love is deep, guys. So deep.

What's stopping me from getting it is that it's not readily available. The only way I could get it is online. And I kind of wish that I could at least touch and have a real look at it before I fork out my money. I love that it's black, I love the double-way strap/handle, I love Rebecca Minkoff! But seeing it compared to my body with the neat feature on her website -- the bag looks HUUUGE!

The last designer bag that had crossed my thoughts were ones by Tory Burch. I was really keen on the Thea Messenger Bag. Went as far as going into the store in KLCC to check it out but was told that they don't carry it anymore. Made sense since the first time I saw it was on the "sale" page of their website, so it's not exactly "current".

I do love the style. I think I'll forever be a sling bag/crossbody wearer. But the new style is made entirely of nylon.. so.. yeah.. I'm ridiculously picky! hahahha!
For a while, that was the bag that I had wanted the most. (In the diaper bag category, that is. I still REALLY want that Rebecca Minkoff Darren Messenger Bag hahahha! But it's not made to carry baby stuff or we wouldn't be here for this entry!)

So basically what we've learn from this entry is that I am very picky when it comes to diaper bags that I plan on using as my handbag as well -- but obviously, OBVIOUSLY noone really makes them in leather because rationally, diaper bags should be made out of something washable and easy to clean!
Naturally I went on Google to type "best diaper bag" and went ahead to read many.. many articles on the subject. What I found out was that most of them, if not all, looked like diaper bags!
Not exactly what I was looking for.
I mean yes, I am looking for a diaper bag, but can I have one with a little more style pleaaase! hahahaha!

I was on Nordstrom a lot because I like browsing through what they have in store. I have been admiring some diaper bags by Diaper Dude, Pacapod, Skip Hop, Stokke and a couple by Storksak -- who actually makes leather diaper bags! But none of them REALLY caught my heart..

So the search continues.
Or I could just give up now since Monkey is keen on getting the Doona carseat stroller for the baby so we could just get the All Day Bag that is obviously compatible with the pegs on the stroller.

Not the prettiest thing, but it'll meet the purpose and Monkey-approved! I imagine he wouldn't mind too much if he needs to carry this bag instead of me, so I'm cool with that.
We'll just see later, won't we?

The First Trimester. (Part 3)

So for my second prenatal checkup at Week 12, I got to the clinic at 07:45 but they only started to call the numbers at 08:04.
My number was called at 08:30 where the nurse pricked my finger to test my haemoglobin and asked me to pee in a cup. Since Monkey was with me this time around, she also did a rapid HIV test on him. They would've done the test had he been around on my first visit. Apparently it's a new requirement since the beginning of 2017 where they test the parents for HIV.
My number was called again at 08:50 into the room of nurses where I saw nurse Kavitha. (My previous nurse was actually 7 months pregnant when I first saw her, which is probably the reason why I had to change nurses.) I got myself weighed, we chatted a bit, she asked how I was getting along with Iberet, where I plan on having the baby and then she checked my tummy.

She then set my next two appointments in the next month. One for me to see the Family Medicine Specialist (FMS) because I have a higher risk of pregnancy; being a smoker, and another where I'll have to do the glucose tolerance test (MGTT).
I was done by 09:10 AM! Totally wasted our coins on the parking meter.

Since it was still early and we didn't have anything else planned, Monkey suggested that we check out Hospital Umra to see what's the procedure should we decide to deliver there.
We decided on Umra because we're familiar with Shah Alam and the traffic, plus my family is still there. We do have a few hospital choices, ones that are closer, but we figured that the traffic could turn scary so Umra seemed reasonable for the time being.

Unfortunately I don't have the timestamps for this visit except that I got there at 10:45 AM. Didn't take long to get my number called to the small room where they took my weight and blood pressure, but once that was done, the wait to see a doctor was quite long.
When we finally got to see her, she told us that since I am in my twelfth/thirteenth week, it was actually perfect timing for me to get the Nuchal Translucency (NT) scan. It is an ultrasound best done when the pregnancy is twelve to fourteen weeks, where the sonographer would focus and measure the liquid (space) at the back of the foetus' neck.
You can read more on NT scan here.

We waited for about an hour before my number was called. Monkey and I was getting irritated by then because we were both hungry and I personally was very nervous about the scan. I just couldn't stop worrying throughout my first trimester, really.
Then my number was called, and Monkey get to come with me. The technician did her thing and we get to see lil' Nugget wiggle about for the first time. That totally made our day. All the hours spent waiting was totally worth it!

So here's what I learn this time around;
1. If you like to keep your own record of the pregnancy, go ahead and get your prenatal check up at a government clinic. I've always liked to read and I knew I was going to blog and journal my experiences so having a record where I can always refer to really helps.
2. Most private clinic or hospitals does not have a book where you can take home with you. With my visits in Umra and Yan's Specialist Women's Clinic, they'd just handed me a small appointment card.
3. expecting fathers should be present for the first prenatal check-up for the rapid HIV test -- it's just a finger prick.
EDIT: it is a requirement if you're doing your check-up in KL, apparently. Selangor had no such requirement.
4. Haemoglobin (Hb), urine, weight and blood pressure check is pretty standard for every visit.
5. Prenatal check-ups for Malaysians are free at the government clinic (you don't even have to pay RM1) while my visits at Umra had costed over RM100 each time. (RM50 doctor's fee, RM60 for an ultrasound, RM179 for a detailed scan by a sonographer.)
6. The KKIA in Kuchai is quite small, I'd feel bad if Monkey comes with me for every visit because there aren't a lot of seats. I for one, am glad that we have two check-ups, one at the government's clinic where I don't have to pay for any of the tests done and the supplements that they gave me every month, while the other at the private hospital where Monkey gets to come in with me and experience everything together. Sure, there are expecting fathers at the KKIA as well, but I personally would feel bad if Monkey had to stand in a corner somewhere while we wait for our number and squeeze in the nurses' room. That's just me.

The First Trimester. (Part 2)

Week 8 drama.
Tuesday.
I woke up early and made my way alone to KKIA Kuchai since Monkey had to fly off somewhere.
Got there at 08:01 and waited until 08:52 when my number was finally called to a small window where a nurse poked my finger and placed a droplet of blood each on a test strip for HIV screening and another to measure my haemoglobin level.
She then asked me to pee in a cup.

I headed back to the waiting area until my number was called again at 09:15 into a room where there was a doctor and a nurse waiting to have a look at my teeth.
Apparently it's crucial to take care of your dental hygiene while being pregnant because the baby needs calcium, and if your teeth needs work anytime during the pregnancy, it could create stress on the baby.
I didn't have anything obviously wrong with my teeth so this part didn't take long, and I went back outside until my number was called again at 09:22 into the roomful of nurses.

That's when I first saw the pink book, the book where everything will be recorded on, all through my prenatal check ups. My nurse then, Nor Fatimah asked me to fill up the details on the front cover of the book while she fills up another pink book similar to the one I was working on.
She asked about my medical history, husband's history, if I have any allergy to any medication, if I'm on any drugs, and if I smoke.
Once that was done, I was sent to another room to get my blood drawn for a full work up.

At 09:50 my number was called again where I met up with my nurse and got physical. She took a look  and felt around my tummy and breasts. She advised to avoid using soap on the nipples to prevent them feeling dry. That was pretty weird to hear, but it made sense I suppose.
She then prescribed me with Iberet, which is a supplement that contained iron, B complex vitamins, vitamin C and folic acid. She advised me to take it with an empty stomach with juice so the contents of the pill could be fully absorbed. Either an empty stomach or two hours after -- and one hour before a meal.

She then wrote down my next appointment date in the pink book and asked me to wait outside to see the doctor.
NOTE: I found that different clinics provides different supplements. While I was prescribed with Iberet, a friend was prescribed with Zincofer from her KK and my sister was given Pramilet at her private clinic.

My number was finally called at 10:40 into the doctor's room (not the same doctor that did the dental check) where we talked a little and she proceeded to do an ultrasound over my lower belly.

This is the part that SUCKED.
This particular doctor took a long time trying to look for Nugget. The equipment was obviously unimpressive but her bedside manner was just as shit! She even called the nurse that was with her to try and look and despite me telling them that I'd just seen my insignificant dot and heard its hearbeat the week before, she wrote down "empty sac seen" in my pink book.
She then told me to go ahead and get another ultrasound at the private clinic that I went to immediately to confirm that I was still pregnant.

I was worried, but mostly angry at the doctor for her insensitivity. Is that how a doctor supposed to talk to an expecting mother? I told her that there was no bleeding or cramps and still she didn't say a single thing to make me feel any better. How can my baby jump out of my womb into thin air??
Anyway, she then gave me some kind of a referral letter for me to give the doctor at the private clinic also one of the pink books for my record and to bring in my future check-ups and send me off my way.

Then I took an Uber to that private OBGYN clinic in Sri Petaling to get another ultrasound. The nice doctor went on ahead and there it was.. my little Nugget, alive and well with a stronger heartbeat.
So that's how my very first check up went basically.
Came out from the clinic at about 11:30 AM and headed to Pizza Hut because I was starving!

That's pretty much how my first trimester went on, really. I woke up early morning feeling hungry. And gassy. It helped when I eat small portions every few hours. I hadn't heard people talked much about this, but I was a little constipated. Perhaps all these while I've always had coffee and cigarettes to help it move along, but since I stopped when I found out that I was pregnant, it's hard to have a bowel movement routine. Also, I get tired a little faster. Adjusting to the "situation" took a little while. For some time I was a little upset that my body didn't feel like mine. I suppose it's normal, but adjusting.. it wasn't easy.

Apart from that, though, my first trimester was quite easy. No queasiness.. no throwing up.. No obvious morning sickness, which I am very grateful of.
I wasn't craving for anything weird, but I was quite picky with food. Mostly because most things tasted really salty somehow. And funnily things tasted just as salty to Monkey as well!

I'll talk about my second prenatal check-up in Part 3.

2017 Wishlist.

As you may have known, the last time I bought something without much care was in December.
Being a stay-at-home wife in my current state, doesn't seem right to go around to shop my heart's desire. Of course, I don't really need any new handbags or make-up (especially when I don't really reach for them these days) but the keyword here is HEART'S DESIRE.
hahahaha!

Despite my changing hormones and the emotional roller coaster that I've been on, I am still pretty rational. I can still think logically. I know I don't need these things but I would still love to own them. So don't mind me while I list down the things I'm coveting.

NARS came out with ten new shades of their beloved Velvet Matte Lip Pencils. Three really caught my eye; an oxblood burgundy shade called Endangered Red, Mysterious Red that's described as crimson red and there's another shade that intrigued me called Do Me Baby which is described as a chestnut rose shade.
God knows how many of these I already own, and STILL I want MORE. gahhhh!!

I am also extremely curious of their new Soft Matte Complete Concealer. I've always been in between the shade Custard and Ginger but I think sometime last year they came out with some new shades and Macadamia seemed like a shade smacked in between my two typical shades.
Would love nothing more than to try it out, but I hate going into the store and not get anything! hahahha! Especially two of the associates in Midvalley and Pavilion are familiar with me.

Another lip product; Hourglass GIRL Lip Stylo in Liberator which is a deep berry shade. Honestly there are plenty of shades that I would love to get but Hourglass is such an expensive brand! And somehow I feel like getting several Nars lip pencils are justifiable than getting several Hourglass lipsticks. heh. Not that I'll be getting any of them anytime soon.
I've swatched them in Sephora and they felt SO creamy and lovely and aahhh! Maybe next year. hahahha!

I haven't bought an eye palette in yonks! Oh, perhaps last year when I got the Nars Jetsetter palette. I was keen on the Smashbox Cover Shot Eye Palette in Ablaze when I first saw it coming out. It consists of eight beautiful warm shades, and I don't know.. that warm red and terracotta shade really calls out to me.
Good thing that somehow I'd never seen this particular palette stocked in Sephora here. Makes it easier to not crave for it too much. (I still keep a look out for it though.. can't help myself.)

When cushion foundations first came out, I was never really into them. Didn't even cross my mind to swatch any of them. But since I've been using less make-up lately, they seemed like a good option? hahahha!
I mean, pregnancy has been making my skin spotty. Some days I'd like to have them disguised, but most days I couldn't be bothered with spending the time putting it on during the day and washing it off later at night.. but the idea of having a little coverage that I could put on quickly really intrigued me.
So here comes in Lancome Teint Idole Ultra Cushion Foundation.

I'd never pictured myself as a handbag collector, but when I first saw Rebecca Minkoff Darren Messenger Satchel in Bangkok some months ago, my heart just fluttered. Stupid, really. I've always loved Rebecca Minkoff's shoulder bags.. I shouldn't have subscribed to the newsletter now that I'm pretty much on a no-buy ban! So now I'm left coveting..
It's especially hard since there's also a red Mini MAC and a black MAC on their sample sale going on right now. haihh..

I suppose that's what's been on my wishlist since the beginning of the year.
I mean, I KNOW these are things that I don't need, so it'll stay at the back of my mind for now.. but you know how it is for me when I want something. I just can't quite forget about them.
Perhaps next year.
If I'm lucky I'll completely forget about them and replace them with something that I actually really need! heh.

The First Trimester. (Part 1)

So here's my story from Week 1 through Week 12 of my pregnancy.

Okay, not even from Week 1 since I found out about the pregnancy around Week 5 or 6! And I had meant to write about the entire trimester in one entry but I feel like it's going to be too long. Just too long!



First thing the doctor or nurse will ask you when you come in is;

When was the first day of your last period?



So it is really handy for you to have this information. I have an app on my phone called Clue that helps me keep track of my cycle. I do find it helpful, and especially so when it notifies me when my PMS is coming up!



Until they do an ultrasound of your belly, the doctor/nurse will use that last period date as an estimation of how far long you are in the pregnancy and your expected delivery date.

As mentioned in a previous post, a doctor from the airport clinic had confirmed that I was truly pregnant -- and that I was six weeks pregnant.



So there I was at six weeks. Went on Google to see when was the right time to get myself thoroughly checked and found that a majority of people said that the best time to get your first prenatal check up was between Week 8 and Week 12.



Okay. I had planned on going at Week 9; somewhere in the middle. heh!

Except that a week after my initial pregnancy confirmation, I had some bleeding. There was no cramps what so ever, and I wasn't bleeding heavily or anything. It wasn't bright, and it wasn't dark either.. A part of me thought that there was no cause to worry, but being my first pregnancy, I couldn't stop worrying!



So Monkey brought me to my first unofficial check up at a private OBGYN clinic where the first thing the doctor asked was;

Were you doing some strenuous activity? Heavy lifting? Sex?



Yeeaaaah..

So...



The doctor went on that the first trimester is where the pregnancy is really fragile. If the foetus is healthy, it'll stick. If there is something wrong with it (that it isn't healthy), our body will reject it and self-abort basically.

Slight bleeding in the beginning is common, apparently. But if they're followed by cramps, that's when you need to take caution.



The doctor then told me to lie down on the bed and proceeded with an ultrasound over my belly area.
We saw an almost insignificant dot inside of a small hollow inside my belly, and heard a murmur of a racing heartbeat.

He measured the dot and informed me that the foetus is six weeks old; a week later than what's initially estimated based on my last period alone.

He also prescribed me with Duphaston for a whole month that should help the foetus stick stronger.
He also advised Monkey and I to keep our pants on until the first trimester is over. (ha!)



So that's that.

A little over a week after that Monkey and I decided to just go ahead and get myself checked at a government health clinic.

This part was a little annoying. When I went on the Health Ministry official website to look for the nearest health clinic, it doesn't really say which clinic that I should go to. The website is really stupid, honestly I don't know if I was just dumb or everyone else was just like me and took a guess!



I actually whipped out Waze on my phone and typed up "klinik kesihatan" and it gave us two possible location. Being a Monday morning, I chose the one that was faster to get to and it was a Klinik Kesihatan Ibu Dan Anak (KKIA) in Kuchai.

It was a little over 8AM and the reception area on the ground floor was pretty empty. I told the nurse at the desk that it was my first time there and she asked where am I staying.
NOTE: Bring a bill or letter that is addressed to you (if your ID has a different address). They'd want to see it.
So the nurse told me to head on upstairs to the first floor and tell the nurse there that I'd like to "open a book". (bukak buku.)

I went upstairs, went into a roomful of parents with small children walking about, crying, then said to the nurse at the front desk that I'd like to open a book, and she pointed me in the direction of another room and said to talk to any of the nurses in there. Now, at this point Monkey and I couldn't understand why we didn't see any pregnant women around. Just a bunch of couples with children.

So I did what the nurse told me to do, went into the room and awkwardly looked around to see if any of the nurses in the room was available for me to talk to. Most of them were busy talking to patients (their parents, really) or writing up something in a pale blue book, until one of them saw me standing at the doorway and asked if I needed something.

I went up to her and said that I'd like to open a book. She asked me to take a seat and asked for my ID and asked for my current address (second time I had to procure my bank statement which has my address.) She proceeded to scribbling my details on a small piece of note paper and explained to me that this particular health clinic only attends to expecting mothers on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. While she was jotting my details in a ledger of sort, she asked me to come back the next day early morning because the process of opening a book would take a while.
She then handed me the small piece of note that she was writing on (like an appointment sheet) to bring in the next day and I made my way home.

So here's what I learn that day;
1. The Health Ministry website is shit and useless.
2. I got lucky for picking out the right health clinic -- had I gone to the other one, we'd most likely have to make our way to this one because the zones really matter, it seemed.
3. different health clinics has different days for different patients. In Kuchai at least, Mondays are for children, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are for pregnant ladies.. and I have no clue what Thursdays and Fridays are for.
4. When in doubt, bring along your bill or letter with your mailing address on it.

Here is where I leave you, at the beginning of Week 8 and it's already too long!
I should talk about the itty bitty boring details of that first check-up in my next entry.

MY Pregnancy.

Thought I'd talk about my experiences with this first pregnancy.
I remember when I first found out, I wanted to know how to get on about it. Where and when to actually get an official test done and perhaps, share some random details that only I care about. So yeah, hopefully this entry would be of some help to others out there.

This entry is most probably going to be just me talking about random things leading up to finding out that I was pregnant.
Check back next time if you're interested to know about my first trimester.

So, a little back story,
WERE WE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT?

I had an IUD inserted a while back and I had been meaning to get it removed for months before finally having the time to go to the doctor's in September.
Anyway, he asked if I'm trying to get pregnant is why I'm having it removed.
I honestly don't know how to answer that question.
I mean, my husband and I are knocking boots, that's for sure. Were we consciously thinking about procreating everytime we do it? I for one definitely didn't. But we were fully aware that it could happen. We were in no rush, but we do want kids eventually.

FINDING OUT.

So my IUD was removed in September.
October's period came as per normal.
November's was late, so it did make me think, "is this it?' -- but it was just that.. a week late.
Kinda hit me then that perhaps I was trying after all. I was also getting worried if I may have passed my prime age to get pregnant. Being a flight attendant for the past seven years didn't help with the worry -- you know, radiation.. hard landings.. lack of exercise (not existent).. being a smoker..
I mean, I wasn't expecting to get pregnant immediately, let's be real. But I also hadn't anticipated feeling the way that I'd felt.
I had worried about being old and neglected to properly care for my body.

December, my period was even more late than it was in November. I was on a work trip with an especially difficult supervisor (whom was known for his laziness, and get this -- he knew that he's known for it! WTH!) and it was SO exhausting!
Didn't help that I had diarrhoea throughout that last day of the trip. (Still that supervisor didn't do all that much, the asshole!)
I was thinking of doing a home pregnancy test at new year's. I don't know, I just felt like what ever the result is would be a good ending to 2016, and a good start to 2017.
But as I got home to my empty apartment that night (Monkey was in Jeddah, arriving the next day), feeling crushed and all in all tired.. I grabbed one of those home pregnancy test kit (I'd stocked up some a few months leading up to this, hahaha!) and peed on the stick.

TWO LINES.

So....
The stick indicated that I was pregnant.
Then my mind was racing.. when do I tell the company?
Oh wait, HOW do I tell Monkey? When do I tell him?
We had planned on heading to Melaka for a wedding once he got back from flight. So the plan was for me to meet up with him at the airport, then we'll drive to our friend's place in Nilai, leave the car there and make our way to Melaka all four of us in their car.

The next day I got to the airport a little early and made my way to the clinic there before he arrived. The doctor asked when my last period was then I was asked to pee in a cup.
I suppose he knew the airlines' procedure when it comes to pregnancies so he wrote me a little note basically just saying that I'm how many weeks pregnant and my expected delivery date for me to hand to my HR department.

TO DECLARE OR NOT TO DECLARE?

Well, it didn't take long for me to tell Monkey. I had thought of maybe doing some elaborate scheme to let him know but I kinda needed his thoughts on when to declare my pregnancy to my company.
After Melaka I had one last flight of the year; a three days trip that didn't seem too hard. January roster had came out and I was on Delhi flight on the second.

Also, being a smoker -- a HEAVY smoker, I reckon it'd be weird if Monkey sees me not smoking. Or if I was smoking, I needed someone to keep me in check and remind me that I shouldn't be smoking!
So I told him in the car, just as we got to Nilai. SO not the way I'd imagined it, but my brain was thinking all sorts of things so I really needed his brain in on it.

IDEALLY..

I had wanted to quit smoking before we actually start "trying".
I had also wanted to clear my credit card debts and have a little bit money saved up. Maybe fly a few more months before I actually declare to my company, knowing that they'll put me on no pay leave once they knew.

But my previous trip was SO tiring -- may be caused by the supervisor or might be the pregnancy, the idea of another trip was kind of scary. And Delhi! Even if I was in perfect health, I am not too keen on flying that way.
I was scared of being exhausted, and Monkey insisted that I shouldn't risk the pregnancy.

So begins.. 2017.
My no pay leave.. The stay-at-home wife part of my life.

Twenty-plus weeks in today, and it's been a tad bumpy.. but not too bad.
We'll get into that in the coming entries.
I promise that I'll talk about check-ups in the next pregnancy entry.
Until then, thanks for stopping by!

High school drama.

So recently I found out that someone had (good God, I hope she's over it!) a crush on my husband a while back.
I mean, I am not all that surprised. Monkey is such a gentleman when he wants to be and very much loveable once you get to know him -- and no, that is NOT an invitation for anyone to get to know him and love him!

I'm happy that people likes him. Gives me a sense of pride that he's with me instead of all the other girls that wants him. And me having a border-lining depression will probably always feel unworthy to be loved by him, despite being reminded pretty much everyday that he chose me almost eight years ago and that he's been choosing me every damn day that he's with me.

Yes, I realise that. Knew it. Still gets depressed by it.
FML.

Anyway, it's the way that I found out that kinda irked me.
I was pretty much minding my own business, going through my several social media platforms and stumbled upon one familiar name. Didn't think much of it when I clicked the link.. I just knew her by name after all.
Then reading through her posts made me self-concious. She was bashing on someone -- and it sounded like she was bashing ME!

It didn't make any sense to me but the more I read, the more I was convinced that her anger was directed at me, and that it was somehow related to Monkey!
It didn't make any sense AT ALL. This is just a person that Monkey worked with, whom he mentioned maybe once or twice in passing, along with all his other colleagues, so I was just so confused.

Honestly it wouldn't bother me as much if she hated me for me, but she sounded like she hated me just because of who I am with! hahahaha! Can you get any more high school than that?
I would probably entertain that sort of behaviour when I was twenty-two, but man! She's even older than I am! I really couldn't comprehend.
Just to show that wisdom does NOT come with age.

Naturally, I talked to Monkey about it. I mean, of course I would. Asked if he knew anything about it and he had no clue. Suggested that if he talks about it with his friend, they'd probably have a good laugh about it.
I myself am not finding the humour in it yet. It is just.. SO - WEIRD!

Oh well, he reckons I should let it go. Not much I can do anyway, since she hadn't bashed me directly. I would have a lot more to say if she had, instead of just ranting my general confusion.
Seriously, April.. why did you have to be so weird?

"Too much time".. konon.

In case you'd noticed me mention about having a little too much time in my hands lately..
Some may know, have guessed from my random Insta-stories and lack of travel pictures on Instagram really, Monkey and I are expecting!

We were not exactly trying to hide it or anything, but for what ever reason I do feel like it's a BIG secret up to the point where I (sorta) announced it on Instagram yesterday. I'll be honest, before then, anytime anyone commented on my feed mentioning about the pregnancy, I couldn't help but delete the comment! HAHAHAHHA! Am I horrible??
I just think it's weird when someone else talks about me being pregnant when I haven't said a single thing (well, except for the little hints here and there) about it myself.
Feels like langkah bendul, like dat. hahahahha!

I mean, anytime anyone asks about it, hubs and I would have no trouble talking about it.
But to actually start talking about it feels kinda.. weird.

But yeah! We're happy and excited to meet our little Nugget. I find myself talking to Nugget every so often now. Almost like a crazy woman, but I know I'm not since I am actually talking to another person! I mean, ignore the fact that Nugget doesn't have a clue what I'm saying, but it's the thought that counts right?
And yes, I am calling the baby Nugget for the time being. Or may be forever!

So what have I been doing since January?
Nothing much really. Some days I do feel like I'm going insane. I haven't missed flying yet, but I miss having my own money. hahahha!
Suppose I should explain. Being a female cabin crew, once you've declared to the company (my company at least) that you're pregnant, they'll put you on "pregnancy leave" which is basically No Pay Leave! You read that right. NO PAY. Not even our basic salary. Makes sense really, why would your boss pay you when you're not doing anything for the company, right?
Yeah, so basically I've just been chilling at home, attempted to cook every once in a while and let Monkey be the man that he is and SUPPORT me.
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Well, I'm not crazy about that to be honest. I've been supporting myself for almost a decade now and we've always been pretty much fifty-fifty when it comes to finance.
I mostly HATE that I can't go around and shop my heart's desire. I keep feeling the need to report back to Monkey how I've been spending HIS money.. so yeah.. I'm finding it tough adjusting to that.
Also having to make a shopping list for him whenever I need something from somewhere outside since I can't go get it myself.
I really miss shopping.
Monkey is perfectly aware that his wife is itching to shop, and he does let me get away with some random things sometimes but I just feel bad about it. I just bought two pairs of maternity pants from H&M the other day (not so random) but I still feel bad.

Kina did hand me down two of her pregnancy pants but even Monkey chuckled when he saw them. They were still in great shape, but my taste and Kina's are so different that it's funny. I do appreciate the gesture but I really can't imagine myself wearing a cream-coloured pants and a bootcut jeans. heehee. I honestly have no idea how to pull them off.

Anyway, back to shopping -- the last time I shopped in Sephora was in December!!
GAWWWDD!
Months of just looking and not buying anything is almost heartbreaking. But I really have no use for any new make-up! Since I am not required in the office, I really haven't been putting much make-up at all! I simply can't be bothered with it, to be honest! hahaha!
Most of the time when I go out, I just have my eyebrows on and some kind of a lip product. When I'm feeling a little extra, I'll dab a bit of concealer.
So really.. as much I would LOVE to get some of the new releases from Sephora and NARS, I simply couldn't justify them. So I'll just keep on looking.. coveting..

So with my spare time, you'd think I should be able to blog more right? hahahaha! Well, that was kinda the plan. But I honestly don't know where my time went. Well, maybe I do. I've been lazing watching YouTube, catching up on Candy Crush (ha!) and just wasting time, really!
Perhaps in the next coming months I'll be able to manage my time better. I'd like to catch up on some reading, organise my wardrobe, sort my bedroom (it's been a year that we moved in, and I haven't really put away everything!) and also sort my make-up collection!
It's probably time that I throw out some stuff that has passed its prime.

I have been journaling a bit more, though.
I was wondering if anyone would be interested if I start blogging little details about my pregnancy. I mean, I would anyway. I remember going on Google when I first found out that I was pregnant, wanting to know more about check-ups and stuff but I didn't find much about them. Or not as detailed as I would have liked. So yeah.. hopefully that's coming in the next few weeks.
I am also journaling for Nugget on top of my Moleskine. I mean, this is my kid we're talking about. Nugget will probably want to know some stuff later on and I may have forgotten about the little details.

So that's what's new with me and what's in store in the near future for the blog.
Nothing about work, nothing much of shopping and beauty stuff, and a little about pregnancy and baby stuff!
Hope it wouldn't be too much of a drag.

Have a lovely May, dear readers!

Another Empties Entry.

I swear I am trying to be better at this.
I am trying to manage my time better and hopefully update this blog more than what seemingly to be once a month.
Sometimes I do wish that my thoughts would somehow just magically type itself and publish on its own on this blog. Would save me a whole lot of trouble from all the guilt by not writing anything on this blog.

So anyway, it has been six months since my last "empties" (products I've used up) blog, I thought it's a good enough time to update you on what I've finished up since then!
Mind you, I've been collecting for six months and hubs have been making funny comments about me putting aside garbage. Understandable, really. I myself got tired of looking at my pile of rubbish for the past six months.

BODY CARE.

So let's talk about the stuff that I have the most of in this picture; Bausch & Lomb Renu Fresh Multi-Purpose Solution; four bottles of the 120ml and two of the 60ml (normally what I carry in my travel toiletries bag) in the course of six months, I think that's a good number. I definitely did not use one for longer than it should be used.
Then there's also one of the ReNu MultiPlus Lubricating and Rewetting Drops. I should probably have more of that but I have multiples of it in many of my handbags that I don't go through them as fast as I probably should.

Then we have Original Source Body Butter in Vanilla & Raspberry. I've talked about this brand and this particular scent in their body wash form in my previous empties blog, so when I saw that they have it as body butter as I was randomly walking around in Boots in Bangkok months ago, I just couldn't walk away! Loved it while it lasted. Wouldn't mind having it again, but as I mentioned previously, when it comes to body products I really don't mind trying out different things.

A favourite, Vaseline Intensive Care Spray Moisturiser. So perfect for days when I couldn't be bothered to smother myself with proper moisturisers but knew better than to go without it. Basically it's a lotion mist that you spray all over your body then you're all set! It's so easy to the point that Encem uses it too. We are currently going through another one of this.
Not sure if you can find it here, but I got it from Priceline in AU. I do hope we have something like this over here!

Something basic and boring, I 'd gone through another tube of Colgate Optic White. We currently have a normal toothpaste in our bathroom though. I feel like YEARS of using a whitening toothpaste is making my teeth a lil' sensitive. Just a little. And I'm not even sure if it actually works! hahaha! I mean, years of drinking coffee, tea and smoking.. I hadn't expected much to be honest.

Finally for body care products, I've finished up Bath & Body Works Shower Gel in Winter Candy Apple and the Deep Cleansing Hand Soap in Golden Pineapple Luau. Winter Candy smelled nice; kinda like apple pie, smelled of apples and cinnamon. Golden Pineapple Luau smelled great. I feel like everytime I wash my hands the whole room would smell like pineapples, LOVED it!

SKIN CARE.

Feels like I'd gone through a bunch of skin care stuff in the past six months.
There was the tub of Origins Make A Difference Night, Make A Difference Plus and also the sample size that I travelled with. Loved them. I always go back and forth between the Make A Difference and GinZing range, so they are one of those things that I will repurchase.

I'd also finish up a deluxe size of First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream, and the Facial Radiance Pads. The cream is pretty basic, but I do love the fact that you can use it anywhere; from the face to all over the body. I didn't hate it, but I don't see myself repurchasing it when my heart is just stuck on Origins.
The pads however, I loved. This was my second tub and I just hadn't gone around to repurchasing it. I don't usually use toner for my skin but this stuff makes it so easy that I couldn't not use it.

More moisturisers -- Lush Million Dollar Moisturiser. Too heavy, doesn't really absorb into my skin. Also, I think there are teeny tiny glitters in it. I mean, my face didn't exactly look glittery but they were almost shimmery. Just not my thing.
A glow would be nice, but shimmers is a bit much.

Now we turn to cleansers, I've finish up a travel size of NARSskin Gentle Cream Cleanser. Basic. Nothing much to talk about. I never have much to talk about cleansers. Except that this one doesn't really foam. But my skin did feel clean afterwards.

After years and years of working on it, I've finally finish up the Bourjois Micellar Cleansing Water! I swear I got this YEAARRS ago when I made my very first purchase of Bourjois makeup in Hong Kong and got this for free.
Well, it worked like any other micellar water. But I don't really reach for micellar water that often which is why it took so SO long to get through.

Then there's the sole Simple Kind To Skin Cleansing Facial Wipes. Like my contacts lense solution, pretty sure I've used up more than just one packet of it but perhaps too lazy to keep it aside.
Loved it. Will always repurchase.

HAIR CARE.

So I've finished up my second pair of OGX Biotin & Collagen shampoo and conditioner. Apparently biotin is good for your hair and this particular range smelled really nice. I got these while I was in AU (naturally) while they're on sale. Pretty sure I'd seen the brand here in Watsons though.
I'm not particular enough to notice if it made my hair stronger or anything like that but I love how the scent lingers in my hair.

Another favourite, Josie Maran Argan Oil Hair Serum. Unfortunately our Sephora no longer carries Josie Maran and the last time I was in AU and looked for it in Mecca, they didn't have it in stock! Kinda upsetting because I would love to repurchase this. It feels a little silicone-y but it has such a lovely smell and it worked for my hair. Can't complain.
Trying to find ways to get more of it. I do have a little bit of it in a travel size but it is SO precious that I couldn't bear to use it.

Something I bought because I couldn't get a hold of the Josie Maran hair serum; Ouai Hair Oil. I don't think my hair responded as well to the hair serum. And it smelled of Jasmine flower, which I'm not crazy about. I suppose it helped a bit with my dry ends, but it's just not good enough for me to repurchase.

Lastly, I'd gone through my travel hairspray; Kao Cape 3D Extra Keep hairspray that I always stock up whenever I'm in Japan. There are a few variations of these hairsprays and I never seem to notice the difference between them, but I always have them in my work bag to tame my fly-aways as best as I can. As long as it's small, doesn't smell funky and doesn't make my hair feel crunchy, that's a good enough reason for me to keep repurchasing it.

MAKE-UP.

I'd gone through the last of my Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz. I'd also gone through Benefit Cosmetics Precisely, My Brow Pencil in shade 3. Between the two, I MUCH prefer the Brow Wiz but it's a little harder to get a hold of. Also, I think it is slightly cheaper than Benefit's brow pencil and lasts much longer. I feel like I went through Benefit's SO quickly!
I am currently using It Cosmetics' brow pencil and I think I'll go back to Anastasia once I've run out. I really do miss it.

I'm also getting rid of a sample size of Tarte Gifted mascara. It was fine, didn't exactly wow-ed me or anything. I remember the formula being a little dry which didn't do much for my eyelashes. Perhaps I got a bad batch or something but it just didn't impress me.

RANDOM BITS.

We're near the end, guys!

I used up a pack of Sephora Soft Touch Cotton Pads that I got on a whim. I did enjoy that it has different textures on its two sides. One was soft, the other was kinda exfoliating. I used it with the micellar water but now that I've run out of that, I suppose I have no need to repurchase the cotton pads.

Something for the home, I'd gone through the Bath & Body Works Wallflower that I only kept one of. I threw most of them out consciously knowing that I was going to feature them in this blog but I pretty much use one up every month and I have them in my bedroom and living room so I don't see the point in having ten to twelve of them for this entry. (Different than my contacts solution because I never knew how much I was using them before this. hehe. Now that I do, I won't be keeping multiples of the empty bottles for my next empties blog.)
Oh, I do love the stuff. Probably not very economical but I really like getting a whiff of it everytime I enter the room.

Super random; Method Home Dish Soap in the Cucumber scent! hahahaha! Never thought I'd feature a dish soap on my blog, but I do love this stuff! Yes, pricey, but it's naturally derived and I especially love that it doesn't smell like your average dish soap. I don't know about you but my hands don't feel as dry after doing the dishes and I do appreciate that.
I'm the sort of person who used to wear gloves whenever she does a load of dishes -- true story. My hands would get so SO dry, Method dish soap is such a life saver!
Would repurchase -- have repurchased. (This is my second bottle even, currently going through my third.)

And that is it! Damn, this is a long entry.
So that's all the crap that I can happily throw away and stop Encem from giving me funny comments about me hoarding trash.
Suppose I'll do this again in six months but I have a feeling that the collection will be more or less the same. I'll try and make it short and sweet if it does.

Thank you for staying and reading this through.
Let's hope that I'll have a more exciting entry next time. (I'm hoping anyway.)